Proud To Annnounce I'm Engaged

I never thought that this day would ever arrive. Of course, like many others, I have been following the pending legal decisions on marriage equality.  There is much political and legal wrangling still going on, but hopefully soon in Florida, everyone can get married.

I see it as more of a marriage equality issue rather than a gay or straight issue.  I know that many people may not agree with marriage equality being a right for everyone, but frankly, I'm no longer interested in those viewpoints.  You can call me narrow minded if you want to, but I'm tired of being put down in life for who I am.

For years I fought it and I wouldn't accept it, although I've known since I was a young child that I was different.  I won't go into too many details for now, because that is not what this post is about.  I just want to say, that no matter how you believe, I know I'm gay and it wasn't a choice.  It is who I am.

Celebrate The Magical

Whether you celebrate Christmas or not, let this be a day where we have that child-like innocence about life.  Let us celebrate the magical, the unseen, and the possible in our life.

Let today be more than gifts and holiday stress.  Let today be more than just what happened in this moment.  See the world through the eyes of a child with wonder and awe that has not been tarnished by time and a world who suppresses it.

Let today be about the magical nature of human good and kindness.  See the world through the eyes of peace and goodwill to others, not only this day, but every day of the year.  We are all human.  We are all born in the same way.  Let us celebrate the wonders of being human.

Let me leave you with my musical version of this.  Its a video I did on YouTube several years ago, but is still as relevant today as it was back then.  The title of the video is Christmas Piano Music by Don Shetterly.

Everything Is Bad

I am always amazed at the doom and gloom blog posts and internet news stories.  Hopefully this isn't a doom and gloom one as well.  It bugs me though when places that really have a lot of good they can share, claim this product or that product, or this business or individual or practice is bad.  Everything is bad it seems like.

For awhile I was following Food Inc on Facebook.  At first I was like, this place has it going on.  Unfortunately, I began to read more and more of their articles they posted, and quickly realized that much of what they write, is inaccurate.  They skew it one way or the other but they write without having all the facts.  Some of these issues they write about, I know from a firsthand account.

I don't understand why people do this.  If you come to me and start telling me everything is bad, more than likely I'm going to stop listening to you.  It is almost like the boy who cried wolf and then when the wolf showed up, no one came to help him.  You can't claim everything is bad and then expect anyone to take you serious.

Listening To Those That Know

Seeing the recent assassination of the two cops in Brooklyn, I'm not only saddened by what happened, but that the warning flags were ignored.  There have been far too many events that have unfolded and the warning signs were there, but no one noticed them.  Listening to those that know something is critical in our world, I believe.

All too often, no one wants to see the unpleasant side of life.  They immerse themselves in thoughts and mantras that only see the happy part of life.  Unfortunately while that may be a good thing to do, it is dangerous.  As a result, we can miss the simplest of signs that may save someone's life or the collective world at large.

Leading up to 9/11, I was getting horrific nightmares of violent scenes that would wake me up in the middle of the night.  I just chalked them up to bad dreams and didn't think anymore of it.  It wasn't until the morning of 9/11, that I found myself walking to the TV and turning it on as the first plane had hit the tower.  I never turn the TV on at this time of the day.  It was instinctive that I did this.

Letting Go

Once again, I'm met with challenges in life.  Aren't we all!  Its never easy it seems whether it is work related, family, business or just every day life.  Some days are easier and carefree than others, but some days just create drama.

I realize it is all part of my own growth and learning process.  Letting go, just isn't easy for me.  I often feel the emotional entanglements of everything going on around me.  I often feel what others feel to the degree that sometimes it clouds my own comprehension of what is going on within me.  I know that and I get it, but sometimes it doesn't make it any easier.

A recent situation came up and it was one of those that could have easily taken me under.  I really tried not to shield myself from what was going on and staying engaged with it, but I tried to not become emotionally attached to it.  Letting go was something I was working on.

When Life Becomes Worry

I've been in this place so many times in my life.  In high-school, I was admitted in my senior year because of what they initially thought was appendicitis.  Later, just in the nick of time before surgery was to take place, they realized it was nothing more than an ulcer.  Okay, nothing more than an ulcer sounds minimizing.

When life becomes worry, its difficult.  I know.  I've been there.  When life becomes worry, it isn't easy to find the way out or the door that opens to a world beyond this.  Life becomes a big giant that can be slain with a small stone, but is often so fearful and large that we run for cover.

Of course later on in life, I never learned how to get rid of worry and so I would get headaches (migraines) and all kinds of stomach issues and I even ended up going all the way to holding stuff in so much that I went through a Conversion Disorder.

When Life Gets To Be Too Much

Sometimes there are moments in life that just plain suck.  They are crappy.  They make you question everything and anything about life.  Sometimes when life gets to be too much, you feel like the groundhog that wants to crawl back in its hole and hide.

When life gets to be too much, its all you can do to make it through the day.  It is all you can do to deal with that moment.  It is all you can do to even comprehend the moment you are facing in your day.  None of it is easy.  None of it is wanted, but often you don't have a choice in what transpires.

When life gets to be too much, it is then that you have to hunker down, find strength and refuge in the support around you.  It is in those moments, it is okay to not feel as strong or enough or that you have what you need for that particular moment.  It is okay to feel inadequate.  We can't always be strong on our own and sometimes we need others around us to lean on through those difficult times.

Talking Without Listening

Time and time again, I see just how disconnected we are becoming as a human species.  Communication is poor at best and yet, we have all these communication devices to help us stay in touch.  It is really sad to watch if you sit back and take it all in.

Listening is the key skill that we've missed.  I see so many talk without listening.  Its like everyone has more on their mind of what to say, than to spend a split second listening.  Everyone has their minds running at such a fast rate and their nervous system pumped up as if it was on steroids, only to skip the part of listening to another person.

The past week I saw this happen so many times, it almost made my head completely spin around.  Talking without listening was at every corner I turned.  I remember the one lady in a Fedex office that didn't even know what I was trying to do, but she was already giving me an answer.  I remember the support person on the phone that started telling me what I needed to do, long before they were aware of what the situation was.

The World Only Wants

The world only wants to see us in the way they want to see us.  No matter what is going on, the world just wants us to hide it, disguise it, and keep it out of plain view.

The world doesn't want to know were hurting.  The world wants us to put the big boy pants on and make it look like is all okay and that were pain free.

The world doesn't want to know were angry or upset.  Society wants us to keep those things to our self.  For they are our own to deal with and concerns no one else.

The world doesn't want us to shine the light of truth to the ugly side of life.  The world wants us to turn the flashlight off and act as if the ugly side doesn't exist.

The world wants all of us to share happy thoughts and present to the world that all is one big smiley face.  The world doesn't want us to show the rough edges of life or the difficult moments.

Tension In The Body

Do you ever doubt just how powerful stress is in the body?  I know we all know that stress affects the body, but all too often we are mind numbed robots living on a busy schedule, eating ourselves to death, taking pain pills, or just ignoring what is going on.  We are masters at it in our world and its taught from a little baby on through our lives.

It happens so frequently and so unconsciously that we barely notice (if ever).  We go through our days smiling and acting as if everything is okay.  We convince the world that we have no pains, ills, or discontentment.  Even if we realize something is amiss in our body, we tend to employ many different ways of boiling water, rather than cooking something in the kitchen, so to speak. 

I've had those moments when I'm going 16 hours a day nonstop and in those moments, I rarely feel pain in my body.  It isn't until I stop that all of the sudden, I notice it.  My mind is preoccupied in running from the pain to do what I have to do, rather than stopping to embrace it.  While this may be necessary in the short term, if we continue this way over time, the buildup of the stress and pain leads to chronic pain and other health conditions.

Guilty By Fear

I know, they probably thought they were doing something good, but in all honesty, the callers in the following article showed little respect for their fellow human.

Article referenced is African-American man stopped by Michigan cop for walking with his hands in his pockets.  Hopefully you can read the whole story or view the video on YouTube of this situation. 


It doesn't take much these days for someone to call the cops.  While that may be a good thing if you see someone doing something, just because it is out of fear and suspicion, its not always a good thing.  Yes, most of this paranoia is because of pure and unadulterated fear.

We've become a society that doesn't trust our fellow humans.  We arm ourselves because the bad guys are out there and were the good guys.  We put down anyone that doesn't agree that more guns are good.  We've become a society that sees fear lurking at every corner and requires us to record everything around us.

Pharmaceutical Sick Care Loves Its Drugs

How dare you!  How dare you!  You're talking smack about my drugs.  They keep me alive.  They maintain my life.  They keep me and my friends from dying.  How dare you!  Just who do you think you are?

I see all the time how people talk about pharmaceutical companies and medical care providers as being evil.  In many respects, there is much truth to it, but I still believe at the heart of all that is good, there are people who want to do the right thing.  Corporate greed and profits of course get in the way and has degraded health care into a dependence upon medications.

Are all medications bad?  I don't think any of us can answer that.  If you're a diabetic, would you consider insulin a bad thing?  Probably not.  Are all antibiotics bad?  Probably not.   Are antibiotics over prescribed and over used?  Absolutely!  I don't want to take one color and paint all medications in one light or another. 

Spanking Hurts

I see posts on social media where people claim that the discipline they went through as a child didn't harm them, so why should they do any different with their children.  They feel that spankings were a necessary part of their learning experience as children, and it should be passed on.

Unfortunately, even though I don't have kids (and I am being upfront about that), I think spanking hurts a kid more than it helps.  I think it is hurts the children long term and it sets them up for many failures in life as well as the potential to do more harm to others.

You can disagree with me all you want, but I've seen firsthand the effects of children being hit, both in myself and on others.  You may claim your version of spanking is not like what I went through, but in all reality, I don't think it matters.

Overwhelmed By All That I Sense

Some days I get really tired of it.  I pick up way too much from others whether it is reading words online or being in close proximity to another person.  I see what isn't written, and I feel what they are feeling.  I see what lies behind the body expressions or the words that are spoken and the sounds I hear.  To me, it is all just a normal part of life I deal with and often exhausts me.

Yes, I'm learning how to dial it down, but I still feel the energy and feelings that surround me.  It is like everyone walks around with this big bubble of stuff on the outside and in that it is filled with so much information about them.  That's the part I pick up constantly.  It is no different for me, then looking at someone and seeing what color hair they have, or the colors they are wearing or any other thing you may notice in someone.

Protesting Overload

I've had enough.  Honestly, I've had enough.  I'm protesting protestors.  Sounds strange doesn't it?  No, I'm not racist and I'm not political and I do care.  I'm not referring to recent events per se, but an overall overload of protesting.

You see, every day I go on my Facebook or Twitter account or read the news coming through, someone wants me to protest.  Sure, all the reasons are valid and many I truly believe in.  Unfortunately, if I did the few moments that it takes to write a government official, sign a petition, shop somewhere else, it would be more involved than each individual thinks it would be.

After all, how do I tell which companies I should buy products at and which I should not?  It isn't like there is a big searchable database to keep me up-to-date with every company and the reasons I should boycott them.  Maybe if protestors wanted this to be real, they would invent something where I could easily search and see where I should or should not shop.

The Reason For The Season

Okay, I know not everyone does this.  I know that some keep the balance but still love Christmas and the holidays and shopping.  I'm not one of those.  And this blog post isn't about those that keep the balance.

Unfortunately for all too many people, the reason for the season is about buying stuff and getting stuff and getting more stuff and buying even more stuff.  I know, it makes the economy go round and round, and after all, isn't this what is written in the Bible and preached in the churches.  The reason for the season is all about buying all kinds of gifts and hoping that your loved ones will love you even more.

Now, if I'm offending you and you're not one of these people, please go back and read the first paragraph again.

Inexcusable Mistake Of Ray Rice

I can't speak for this "sports figure" or any other "man", but I can speak from experience.  You see, as much as some may believe Ray Rice, those who have been through things similar to this, know the hidden truth.  You can choose to believe whatever you want, but in the end, the truth is the truth.

See, when Ray Rice says, "I made an inexcusable mistake" - my bling blings go off in my brain.  Sure, I hear you.  A mistake!  I mean after all, come on!  You start throwing them punches around and pushing and shoving someone and well, you know - mistakes happen.  The other person just gets in your way.  Its an honest mistake.  If the other person wouldn't have gotten in your way, none of this would have happened.

Silver Gel For Rashes and Itching

Many years ago I went through a condition that I thought would never show up again.  If you suffer from rashes or itching, you'll want to pay close attention to this post.  If you've ever been through a rash like what I have that about drives you crazy with the pain and itching, this product might be for you.  It worked for me! (based upon my own personal experience)

And no - this wasn't a placebo!

Most things out on the market never helped me.  Most over-the-counter products may have given a moment of temporary relief only to rebound and make the problem much worse.  I'm sorry if you're an over-the-counter product company and believe your products work, but they don't!  I've tried them and I'm not going back to try them again.  The last thing you want in a situation like this is something that makes the situation worse.  Yes, I'm sure you have all kinds of studies and marketing to prove your product works, but they don't!  At least they didn't for me. 

Change Begins With Us

We tend to look at "others" with the issues.  It is always someone else.  It is always another race, another group, another political position that has the issues.  It is never us.  It is them, they, or those people.  We point the fingers.  We make the tweets.  We obliterate different viewpoints on the news, as if this is really news.

We vow to make change.  We vow that things need to change.  We vow that it should not be this way, but yet, does it ever change?  Do we actually follow through or is it all forgotten in a week or two when the story dies down?  When the cameras are turned off and the news trucks are gone to the next sensational story, do we still vow to make change?

It isn't the other people out there with the problems.  It is each one of us.  What we see in others resides in each one of us collectively.  Yes, not everyone acts upon those things, but the energy and vibration still exist.  We're still collectively as much a part of the problem as "they" or "them" or "those people" are.

Slammed By The Waves Of LIfe

Lately, I feel like everything has come at me at once.  The amount of major events that have taken place are so numerous I can barely index them in my thoughts.  It feels like I've been slammed by the waves of life.

If you've ever been to the ocean, you will know that the waves keep coming in one by one.  Just when you have your footing from one wave, another sometimes sneaks up on you and crashes into you.  Getting slammed by the waves in an ocean can be fun, but in life it can create much stress.

As these events have happened lately, I try to remain focused on my day.  I try to do what I need to do and prioritize my time.  If I do too much, then I easily become overwhelmed.  When the emotions are high and the stress levels are through the roof, we have to be very cognizant of taking care of ourselves.  Prioritizing our tasks in the day is essential.

Say NO to Early Thanksgiving Store Openings

The one thing I grew up with was a joy of the holiday season.  Even with the stress that comes with the holidays, it is still one moment of the year that I look forward to with anticipation.  I'm appalled at how the major retailers have put profits over people.  I think we should all say NO to early Thanksgiving store openings.

Yes, I realize that the stores see Black Friday as a way to make a profit and I realize that there is a lot of money made on this day.  However, is it not possible to value your employees enough so that they can spend time with their families?  I'm sure all of you retailers promote how much you are a family and how much you care about family values!  If you do, then why are profits more important?

We live in a world that we value people very little, but if we can stuff another dollar in our pockets at their expense, we don't seem to see a problem with this.  If we don't watch out, we will destroy the bedrock that business and corporations have been built upon.

There Is A Time And Place

We've lost out common sense and reasonableness in the world today.  Everyone thinks that their needs are above every other person.  It seems that our lives become more important than the lives of others around.  However, there is a time and place for everything.

I just saw a report that a high school football player got flagged for kneeling to pray after he made a touchdown.  Okay, I'm not sure why he got flagged for it, but I'm guessing there is some rule against doing some such behavior.  I'm not sure why he felt the need to hold up an entire game and his teammates and the spectators so he could grandstand with prayer in front of everyone.  What is that verse in the bible that talks about going into your closet and praying to your father in secret?  Hmmm, maybe he reads a different bible than I have? There is a time and place.

Humans Could Learn From Emperor Penguins

I've been watching a documentary series lately called, Life In The Freezer.  For the most part, it is well done, except for the times when the people invade the space of the animals they are around.  I don't have a problem with them getting close to the animals, but respect their space, please!  As I watched the episode yesterday, I saw how humans could learn so much from emperor penguins.

Let me describe the scenario of how the young are born.  When the egg is laid, the environment is too cold and so the mother holds the egg in a pouch above her feet to keep it warm.  At some point, she then transfers it to the male partner which is a beautiful process in itself.

For the next several months, the male will actually protect and carry the egg in a pouch that is designed to keep it very warm.  During this time, the mother penguin will travel a distance to find food and be gone for several months.  The father penguin will hold the egg through some of the harshest months in the coldest environments of the world.

Feel Your Body And Find Your Truth

All too often we want to believe and follow what others say.  Whether it is New Age thoughts or Religions or Politicians or the Media, we look to everyone for answers to our life's situation.  We fail to go in and look within ourselves.  When you feel your body, you will find your truth.

Yes, I know the buzz words flow these days and people talk about the mind body connection, but most really don't understand what that means. 

Until you have an experience that you can replicate and is part of your mind and body connection, you will only know what others tell you is the truth.  When you experience these things deep within your physical body while connecting them within the felt sense of your brain, it is then that you have discovered truth for your own life.

Chill Out Day At The Ocean

Today was a day just to be with nature.  Today was a chill out day walking by the ocean, feeling the water touching my feet and soaring with the birds into the sounds of ocean waves.

The sun peaked in and out of the clouds in the far off distance as the wind gently brushed my face.  I smelled the ocean breeze and it was refreshing and invigorating.

The coolness of the sand in October and the feeling of the water as I waded along the shore.  The sounds of the people playing and talking and running.  The sounds of the people just observing the birds as they were flying through the air.

For some reason, I'm drawn to the waters of the ocean.  For some reason, I'm renewed by the sounds and the sights and the feelings I get when I'm near the ocean waters.  I feel engulfed by something much greater than myself.

John Grisham and Child Porn

I want to say this first before anyone starts to think I'm some whacko or idiot or liberal or whatever they think is appropriate to call someone.  I love John Grisham's books.  I've been an avid reader of his books and I don't think I have missed buying any that he has written.  I love the movies made from  his book.  He is one of my favorite authors.

However, when I saw that snippet of the interview he did where he was asked a question and he responded with an answer using child porn as an example, I have to say I was disappointed.  It didn't take long for his fans to start responding and then he retracted his statement with some form of an apology.  Of course the apology was done in a typical PR fashion with legalese.

Taking Care Of Yourself In Times Of Stress

We've all had those moments in life where we endure much more than we wish we had to face.  We go through times when the stress level is so high, we wonder if we can make it through.  Taking care of yourself in times of stress is important but not always easy.

Recently, we had one of those moments in our house and family.  There were a few days where sleep was hard to come by and we lived on the edge of reality.  Everything seemed like it was lost in time and we just went from moment to moment not knowing how the situation would turn out.  It was a time of extreme stress.

One person asked us during this time, "are you taking care of yourself?"   Unfortunately we had to say no.  We didn't get any sleep the first night and then subsequent days we did not get much sleep.  We were rushing to and from the hospital and waiting to hear any tidbit of good news.  However, we were not taking care of our self.

Being Real Is Being Human

One of the things I keep trying to help people understand is being balanced in life.  I want people to be real and human.  Its okay to think great and wonderful thoughts full of happiness and love.  However, if you are hiding your head in the sand, you're not being real.  You're not being human.  You're not being anyone that others can relate to in this life.  We all need relatable people.

I grew up in a church background where everything was pray to God and God will solve all your problems.  God will always provide.  The funny thing was that these same people had more illness and problems then the population at large.  If God was helping them through their prayers and beautiful words of love, then "Houston, we have a problem".  I'm not saying the belief in God is bad and you should abandon it, but I just saw how abused and unreal it was.

Helping Yourself To Help Others

Many years ago after I was in Bridgeway Psychiatric Hospital recovering from the paralysis of Conversion Disorder, I was introduced to a thought I had never been introduced known.  We were in group therapy and the doctor was talking about helping our self in order to help others.

So often we help others at the expense of helping ourselves.  It is easy to do and sometimes it is part of the human experience.  It is hard to see someone in pain, especially if you are highly sensitive like I am.   I don't like to see people suffer or animals for that matter.  I generally feel all of their suffering much more intensely in my own body.

Sitting in that group session that day, the doctor asked the question.   If there was a banquet table full of food and there was you and another person, but only one chair (one place) at the table, what would you do?  Would you eat first before the other person or let the other person eat first?

From The Moment I Met You

From The Moment I Met You

15 Years ago, we ran into each other almost by accident.  Neither of us was looking to make a connection.  We weren't looking for someone.  Yet, it just happened.

Our paths crossed and connected by events that were related, but so unrelated.  Little did we realize that we would even met.  Little did we realize that if we met, there would be anything more than a "hello" and "nice to meet you".

From the moment we met, I felt like I always knew you.  From the moment we met, I felt as if we were somehow connected in a way that I could not verbalize.  It was as if two stars were born together.  It was as if two ships passed by on the ocean sea. 

From the moment I met you, I felt so close.  I felt so comfortable.  I trusted you and your touch.  I wasn't scared of you.  I didn't want to run from you.

From the moment I met you, I didn't know what was happening.  I tried hard to convince myself that I wasn't gay.  I was straight and I could prove it.  Yet, how could I prove it, for I had known for a very long time that I wasn't like most other guys.  I was different and I had been taught all my life that being gay was wrong and so with tears, I said goodbye - not knowing what to do with what I was feeling inside.

The moments we shared that first weekend are still locked within the memories of my heart and mind.  They are like reminders of yesterday which seems like just a short moment ago.  The moments we shared in those hours together where we talked for hours and listened intently as we basked in the connection we both felt. It wasn't clear what was going on.  I doubt either of us could explain it.  Yet, from that moment, our lives changed forever.

As I rode home on the airplane, I cried.  I didn't know how to deal with the feelings I had as I said goodbye.  I was falling in love with another guy and my upbringing dictated that this was not possible.  Yet, I couldn't leave.   Yet, I didn't want to leave.  I just wanted to be with you from the moment I met you.

Time rushed by and soon we were together, but I'll never forget those beginning moments 15 years ago.  I'll never forget how much we have both changed and how you've helped me to grow in ways I never imagined. 

I'll not forget all the difficult moments we've faced together and how we're always there for each other, holding each others hand as we walk through the fire.  It isn't about who gains and loses or who is better or worse.  It is just about being together and accepting one another where they are at, happy to enjoy the journey and dance through life.

15 years has gone by quickly and while so many things were against us, I would not trade one moment.  I would not give up one moment with you.  Some day our love will be accepted and recognized, but what matters is the love we have for each other in our heart. 

I look forward to the next 15 years as we walk through the journey of life, dancing to our own tunes and finding our way.  You're the best thing that has happened to me and my heart is so full of love as I think of you.

Happy 15 Anniversary to my friend, soul-mate and partner in life.

I love you so much.


Don

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Blog Post And Images (c) 11/5/14 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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Spending Millions To Buy Elections

The 2014 elections are over.  The ballots have been cast.  Winners have been named.  Even though I'm writing this well in advance, I can predict that some people will claim this is a victory for their side and others will claim that it is a travesty.

Unfortunately in our country, we have bastardized elections to be nothing more than a political grab by one group over another.  We donate money at astonishing rates to claim victory.  In the end, it doesn't really matter that we do anything here to advance society, as long as our side wins.

Oh, we claim we are in this to make changes and to take back our country.  We claim we have the right ideas and that we will get the country headed in the right direction.  We claim that we know what the country needs.

Bending Time And Music

I never really think much about this subject, but it is one that has always impacted my life.  Bending time and music gives so much depth to our every day experiences.  I don't believe time is any more consistent than most facts that we believe in.  I think there is a much more to this world than we often see, feel, experience, or know.

Today I saw two totally unrelated postings on social media about how many people felt off as to what day of the week it was.  It was like a collective mind thought of something we all take for granted.  What intrigued me more was how the two totally unrelated and unconnected event just caught my attention today.

Many may explain it one way or the other and sometimes it is often hard to say with certainty what is going on.  Yet, I don't think you can deny that something is shifting and changing in this world.  Sometimes those shifts and changes come with great struggle and difficulty because we are morphing from one plane into another.

What Illness Teaches Me

One of the things that I learn when I'm sick is more how others feel.  Whether it is back pain or a cold or some muscle ache I've gone through, first hand experience gives me insight into what others face.  We may think we know what it is like to walk in the shoes of another person, but until we've walked in their footsteps, we truly don't understand it.

Even if we have been through some period of illness or pain, time often helps us forget the true ordeal we went through.  Yes, we may remember many parts of what happened, but so much of it gets lost in time.

I'm not promoting the concept that we should be sick and in pain all the time.  This would not be fun for anything and I would think is opposite to the human experience as one can be.  Yet, I know that when we face those rough moments in life, we're much more compassionate towards others.

Believing Your Fears

Ahhh says the wise man, one of those self fulfilling attributes of being human.  Believing your fears is one of the things that haunts most people and it is one of the things that can hold us back from healing our lives and moving forward.

Fears are tricky little pests.  They fake us into believing that they are real and all of the time they are nothing but parasites feeding upon our own energy.

Of course, there are real fears.  If you're walking through a dark alley and feel some shadow following you, the fear you're going to get attacked is most likely real.  If you're walking in the safari of Africa and see the lions surrounding you, I'm sure the fear you're probably going to have to outrun a lion is real.  Yes, fears are real.

Asking Pointless Questions Helps You Heal

I get so tired of hearing people use different variations of the statement, "just move on" or "just get over it".  Some may realize they are doing this, but many may not.  To tell someone that is struggling in life through a traumatic experience to just move on is about one of the most hurtful things you can do to them.

When I came out of the hospital from having a Conversion Disorder and being totally paralyzed, I was met with a lot of encouragement.  Unfortunately there were those that would say, "just pray about it" or "you just need to forgive and move on" or "just let it go".   I could make a million statements here of things that people said and none of them were the least bit helpful.

I remember telling one person that told me to just pray about my situation, that if you had broken your arm, would you just pray about it and hope it would heal?  More than likely you would go to a doctor and have them set it in a cast to get it to heal.  Praying can be good and has been shown through research to help in healing, but we all need to get real!  Words can hurt, even if you think you are saying something good.

Greed Is Good

Day after day, I see news stories that show how American greed is running a race to see what corporations can out-greed one another.  Sure, I know the shareholders think this is good as does the CEO's that are lining their pockets.  Just like Gordon Gekko in Wall Street who declared greed is good, we're in an age that would make Gordon Gekko look like he knew very little on the subject.

Just today I saw that Darden which owns several companies including Olive Garden basically ousted the current board of directors in the company.  The current board of directors wasn't making enough money for the shareholders and so they said, enough is enough.  Beyond the "only two bread-sticks" per customer rule, I wonder if they will start charging for everything and anything.  I mean, I know its their business and all, but you can just see how greed is good in the minds of these business people.

Promoting Things On This Blog

I get asked all the time to promote things on this blog.  While the products and ideas may be good, I am careful as to what I offer up here.  I don't want to be a blog where it is just about marketing things for other people.  I mean, that's not really the purpose of why I write.

Yet, I get people who just think that this is the sole purpose of anything on the internet.  I had someone asking me to promote something as an affiliate and I have no clue what the product is.  They were ready to send me "information" and "copy" that I could put in a blog post.  In my mind, I'm wondering how I could justify promoting something I don't even know.

There are people who want me to promote products because somehow they think that if I write about healing, I want to push all kinds of "product".  This could not be any further from the truth.  Yes, I've promoted some products on this blog, but there is a catch.  It has to be something that I found and when I did, it was extremely helpful to my life.

Why Do Bad Things Happen To Good People?

I wish I knew the answer to the question of this blog post.  If you came here for the ultimate answer to this question, you might feel let down.  I'm not sure if anyone can answer the question, Why Do Bad Things Happen To Good People?"

It would be good if we could answer that because it would make life in this world so much easier to understand.  We wouldn't have people walking around in a daze for months and years, trying to make sense of all that there is.  Maybe people could heal and move on in their lives more easily if we all knew and understood the answer to why do bad things happen to good people.

Some may explain it with one way or another and that might work for them as individuals, but it most likely would not work for everyone.  Even though your answer for yourself makes you feel better, if it isn't replicated to all humans, does it truly work.  Of course, I realize that sometimes we need to put a soothing balm on an open wound to help ease the pain.  It doesn't mean that this soothing balm is what heals though.

Is Social Media Communication Human?

Do we really read anything anymore?  I mean, do we really read what is before our eyes.  After the advent of text messages, twitter, and the "likes" on Facebook, do we really communicate or read or even care about communication?

Communication is an art form.  It is part of the human experience.  It is about sharing a bond between one human and another.  Yes, even animals of all sorts do this.  Even plants know how to communicate.

Communication occurs on so many different levels from the words we use to the sounds and inflections of our voices.  The body language which emphasizes or supports our words and sometimes even shows the inaccuracy of our words.  The energy we bring to a conversation and the knowing that is involved help us to communicate in ways we don't even consider.

Can You Unplug?

Its amazing how much we all are "on" these days in our lives.  It is very difficult to fully unplug.  I mean, look at how many smart phones, tablets, PC's and other devices we are using these days.  So my question is "can you unplug?"

I thought I could, but then I realize that my work email never fully stops.  With people in different time zones and on different projects, it truly never ends.  Yes, it may slow down, but the darn pesky thing just keeps showing up at all hours of the day and night.

I thought I could unplug, but then I get hooked on a message thread with Facebook, or instead of someone giving me a call, they instant message me on Facebook.  Most of the time it isn't that critical, but sometimes it is.  So again, I'm not sure I can fully walk away from it.

Bad Emotions

This is a topic that touches me deeply from personal experience.  I read postings constantly from people who have good intentions, but in all reality the things they are writing hurt others more deeply then they realize.  This isn't anyone person, but a collective that I have seen from many different people.  It is almost like in order to be a new age healer or a new age thought person (or even a religious person), you must subscribe to this way of thought.

Too many claim that there are good emotions and that the bad emotions are just not healthy and should be eliminated from your life.  It is harming to those that struggle through some very rough moments in life.  It is damaging to the recovery and healing of those walking through some very treacherous ground and intense fire.

To claim any emotion is bad, is failing other humans.  In many ways, I wonder if the people making these claims are still giving residence to these same emotions, but attempting to hide it from the world.  I cannot speak for them.

Abuse In Sports

I'm reading the stories about Sayreville, NJ about the horrible acts taking place in the locker rooms.   Reading the details makes me want to vomit from here to eternity.  It should make everyone so angry, but unfortunately some don't understand just how bad this is.  They think you are attacking their precious game of football.

It was not that long ago that NFL had the video in the news of the player abusing his wife.  At the time, it was the outrage and it doesn't appear to have slowed down the people who worship football.  Maybe that's too harsh, but it really bothers me when we get worked up over a story one day and forget it the next.  Too much of sports is about money and wining and these appear to be more important than human dignity.  I'm sure there are other details that took place here, but I don't follow every nuance of these stories.

Greed Makes The World Go

Doesn't anyone care?  Doesn't our world understand?  Or is it just become such an accepted fact that greed makes the world go?  I struggle to understand how we can sit by as a collective community in the world and be a part of this.

Do you have to put on a sack cloth and ashes in order to not be part of the greed problem?  Absolutely not!  I think there are people who have figured out life and have more to financially give then others.  There are people who have been given talents and skills and gifts to use in order to help others.  There are people who have been given bigger hearts to share and spread love throughout the world.

Unfortunately it is just too common to see greed living life to the fullest and sucking up every warm blooded person in its wake.  The attitude from the greedy, "I'm not sharing and what is mine is mine," is one that will doom our society and our world.  You can see this in various countries and parts of the world already and I believe you can see it in our own country.

Innocent Comments Of Hate

My new t-shirt from HRC

Yesterday was the Come Out With Pride event at Lake Eola in Orlando, Florida.  Estimates put the number of people attending it around 150,000.  The parade was close to an hour long.  The energy level never died down around the beautiful downtown lake.  Fireworks captured the nighttime sky as everyone felt accepted, loved, and wanted.  The Swans moved around as if it were another day.

As I was talking to a friend and recounting similar experiences of innocent comments of hate, he too shared some stories from his past.  Yes, I'm sure one could say we just have to develop a thick skin and not let it bother us.  Unfortunately, I think people either need to lose their ignorance or not prove to the world through their words, just how ignorant they are.

Comments such as "those queers", "those fags" or gawd they are weird are about hate and ignorance.  I've overheard people say to other ignorant people, "you're not afraid he will do something to you, right?"  I've heard that in the work place, and amongst people who I thought were friends. I've heard it amongst those that thought they were self righteous and holy.

I Will Miss You Crystal

I kept saying, one of these days I need to get back to Miami and stop and see her.  After all, she had become a friend to me ever since I went to Educating Hands School Of Massage.  Time and distance had taken my life to a different location.  I figured, though, there was always tomorrow.  There was always plenty of time.

Last night, I found out my friend had gone to be with the angels after a long battle with cancer.  My heart is heavy and the tears keep welling up in my eyes.  No, I'm not sad she is now out of pain, but I am sad because I will miss her.

Crystal accepted me with open arms.  In a time when I had just lost my own mom to a tragic car accident and I was coming to terms with being gay, she just accepted me.  She treated me as if I was a normal person, deserving love and respect.  She treated me as a friend and a valued member of society, as if this was the only way to treat other people.

A Nervous World

I'm noticing more and more just how much the world has changed.  Because of frightening events around the world, people don't feel very secure.  We live in a nervous world and it really is showing.  If you take a moment to observe this, you'll see it everywhere.

Whether it is someone speeding down the interstate acting as if that one second they will get to their desired location means more than life itself, or the person that has no time for a stop sign, you can see a nervous world.

It could be just someone not having time to connect with close friends and thinking that social media via Facebook or Twitter is all the connection we need.  After all, we have all these social media connections, but were often too busy to really connect with one another through the heart.  Again, we live in a nervous world.

Easing My Lower Back Pain

Yesterday in a blink of an eye, I felt that twinge.  I was just leaning down on the floor to take a picture of my cat, when all of the sudden, I felt that OUCH in my lower back.  The only thing I could do at that moment was put my camera down, roll over and lay on the floor.  I wanted to cry.  The pain was intense.  I probably did cry!

It was difficult to move at first.  I wasn't sure if I could get up or not.  The panic set in and the fears crowded my mind as I lay on the cold floor, letting the spasms subside just a little.

Its an all too familiar pain for me and not because this happens a lot, but because many years ago, it set off paralysis in me.  I still remember that fateful day of leaving church because my back was hurting so much.  I came home and laid down, only to have my entire world turned upside down.  You can read more about that in my book, Hope And Possibility Through Trauma.

Stress And Body Aches and Pains

Over the past couple of weeks, life has been pretty stressful.  For some people, my stress is pretty small and insignificant to what they are dealing with in their own lives.  Unfortunately, stress is stress and how it impacts each one of us is so dependent upon many factors.

Many of us go through our lives thinking that we really don't have that much stress in our bodies.  We many feel it ever now and then, but for the most part, we don't notice the pain.  Does that mean we don't have stress residing in our body or pain for that fact?  No, it does not.

We all have pain and stress, but unfortunately it has gone on for so long that we have become so numb to it, that we don't notice it.  You can try to convince me that this is not true, but I've been around the block a few times.  I not only have seen evidence of it in my own body, but in many others.  You see, the more we are numb, the less we feel.  Our life has to undergo a tremendous amount of stressful experiences and build up of daily stress before we begin to see these things show up.

The Ocean Is My Refuge

Some days, it is easy to feel like I'm all alone.  Some days I still struggle with moments of deep depression that makes my view of the world around me distorted.  Most days, I'm fine and I deal with life, but there is moments like the current where I feel like a whack-a-mole.

Then today, I had just a few brief moments and drove to the ocean.  The ocean is my refuge.  I love sitting there or walking close to it, seeing the vastness stretch before my eyes.  I love the feeling of the ocean air, giving life to my weary body.  I love the acceptance and possibility I get when I see the ocean.

Today, I took my brand new Canon T3i camera along with me.  Now, I'm no professional.  I barely know how to use this camera.  All these years, I've been using the simple point and click cameras, so this new camera is quite the thing to learn.  I'm learning at break neck speed and still feel like I'm completely lost.

Helping One Another

All too often we go through our day oblivious to the difficulties those around us are going through in their life.  Helping one another becomes a YouTube fad or sensation, but often times the true, heart-felt moments don't happen.  There is too much greed in our society and too much selfishness at times.  Even in the noble moments, we often fail to really help one another.

While I realize you can't help everyone as Marcus Lemonis said in an episode of Secret Millionaire, there is much we can do.  If we live our lives where everything is about me, myself and I, then we're missing a major part of the human experience.  Sometimes we have to wake up and open our eyes to realize life is so much more.

Our world needs help, whether it is in some country far away, or in our backyard.  Greed has become the life blood of the world, choking out those that are shoved down by the thugs of society.  Yet, even in the midst of greed, there are still bright spots of people that are trying to make a difference.