Sunday, April 26, 2009

Coke and Soft Drinks

Did you know that 1 can of coke has so much acid in it that it would take 32 cups of water to neutralize the acid in your body and bring your ph back into balance?

That's a lot of water to drink!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Trauma And Stress

“Trauma and stress are constantly looking for a way out – an exit and trauma/stress will find a way whether it is through harming ourselves, harming others or via disease and pains in the body.
People can try and deny a lot, but the one thing they can’t deny is “pain in their body”. – Don Shetterly, LMT, Trauma Therapist

Monday, April 20, 2009

The Devil

Source: (Daily Quote)

The "devil" is a fictional character made up (and perpetuated) by insecure humans who want to control other insecure humans. There's a lot of power in fear, isn't there? There shouldn't be, because, really, what fear is, is power-less. If you understood Source, as we do, you would never fashion such fiction because there is only Well-Being that flows from that which is your Source.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Reproducible and Evidence Based

Be careful what you believe in because you may find out one day, that it is someone's opinion disguised as fact. Instead, challenge yourself to find repeatable, reproducible evidence based beliefs for your life.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

It Took A Miracle

Several days back, I was at the point of wishing life would really stop. Life as I know it had given me a lot to deal with and culminated in an episode of vomiting and complete exhaustion of my body. One could make a claim that I had a 24 hour flu bug or that I had eaten something that didn't agree with myself but the facts would not support these theories and hypothesis. However, there was one factor that played a significant role in this entire night of horrible anguish.

Leading up to this night, I was full of anger that seemed to just replenish itself every moment that I drew from its well. There was no end to its supply. On top of that, my neck muscles, back muscles and overall body were in a state of tension from stress with pains radiating from many different parts. It included the creep crawly feeling on my legs along with the muscles twitching that drives me nuts! Headaches were coming and going and my eating diet was so far off with wild mood swings from one extreme to another. I felt like a pendulum going back and forth, back and forth, and back and forth.

Than when the fury of the night unleashed its gigantic storm on me, I sat on the bathroom floor wishing this would stop but knowing if I continued to resist it, things could and most likely would get worse. By the time, the vomiting had stopped; I could barely stand up on my two feet or make it to my bed to just go to sleep for the night. Every internal organ inside of my body was twisting and turning and I could feel every movement which was not enjoyable. I just wanted the night to be over and all of this to end. I had reached my end point. I had reached the point of saying enough was enough and did not have the ability to even begin fighting this in the moment. I had reached fatigue. I had reached exhaustion. There was no going back at this moment. The only way beyond was to accept the current state I was in and worry about the next moment when it arrived.

The next day, I still felt horrible as far as abdominal pains from the night of vomiting. I was weak and had little desire to eat anything at that point. I was extremely tired and desired sleep. However, my body felt much more relaxed than it had felt in some time. The tension was remarkably less. The headaches were gone. It felt as if my body had gone through a big release as if I had been through a bodywork session on a table. You could argue and probably would be correct that the night of vomiting was point that built up to the release in my body. However, my body was not the same as it was the previous day and even though my mind was still tired and exhausted, I knew there was a change.

As I regained my strength throughout the day, I finally broke down and said, "Universe - you win". I continued speaking to the universe that what I had been given in life to deal with was more than I could take. I needed a break. I needed a reprieve from it. I just could only deal with so much and it seemed as if I had been given more than my fair share. I remember uttering the words "I really need a miracle" and I was not going to share that point with anyone. I wanted the miracle to come my way totally unsuspected and in a way that I knew I was not creating it. I just left it at that. By this point, I felt strong enough to start doing some yard work and so I spent a couple of days outside in the sun not worrying about any of the stresses I had to deal with in life at that moment.

Then on Monday morning bright and early, I was awakened by a phone call. While that was annoying, I stepped back and saw that what this person had to share with me was a prompting to pick up a project that I had almost given up on. I was sitting there thinking - wow.. that's amazing! Later that day, I found out about an opportunity to sell some music through a national retailer website that just had not connected in my mind and so that process started. On Tuesday, I had sent an email to someone and so wanted to be able to attend an event coming up but knew there was no possible way. Out of that email, came a response that completely changed every aspect of that particular situation. In the process of this time, I was able to connect with an online friend who up until this point, I was too shy to talk to on the phone and that single act of speaking on the phone was a big moment for me. The possibilities of that single phone call are out of this world.

Tuesday morning of course was met by another phone call for a 5 day contract job. While the pay was less than normal, it was 5 full days of work which was a welcomed relief. Things had been getting pretty dire with income and so after going many weeks without any phone calls, this contact meant so much. Later Tuesday afternoon, I was working hard on a project when a call came through from a friend on the Yanni Fan Club message board. I missed the call initially but then check the messages and knew I needed to call her back right away. She had initially bought tickets for her family to see Yanni in Orlando next but her husband just had pace maker surgery and was advised not to travel to Orlando. That meant, she had an extra ticket and she just wanted someone to be able to use it. While she had called others about this, I was the first one to return her call and I’m so happy I was. The ticket is in the 4th row and I've never been to a concert where I sat in the 4th row before. She gave me the ticket and wanted nothing for it. Without this act of her kindness and generosity, I would not have been able to go see Yanni. I never expected something like this to happen when I woke up yesterday.

My mind is drifting back to the statement I made to the universe just a couple days ago "I need a miracle". I didn't get "ONE" miracle. Instead, I received several miracles. And I wrote the following, "I love it when the Universe and the Angels let me know they are there and today, it has been in some very dramatic ways. I asked for a miracle and I'm amazed at how quickly things happened. Wow... Why did I ever doubt this? That's the lesson I still haven't fully learned."

Yes, I still struggle with the issue of knowing I'm not alone in this world. My upbringing led me to the point of not ever relying or asking for or accepting any help whatsoever. I was taught that if you did, than the people who were giving these things to you could and most definitely would demand how you ran your life and what decisions you made and every little thing you would do. I was taught by example that once you accept help, than you give up all freedom. When I look back at the previous week, it is obvious that I'm not alone and it is very obvious that there is something out there listening to me. You may want to call it the Universe, God, The Angels, The Spirits or a host of other identifiers. To me, it doesn't matter what I call it, because I know they exist. However, I usually refer to them as my Angels or as the Universe. It is what fits for me.

My heart is filled with joy at this time because of all that has transpired for me. I can see that if we drop our guard down and allow ourselves to connect with all that is around us, than we truly are not alone and we are blessed beyond imagination. I realize that we don't have to go any further than what is right around us. It isn't something that we need to look to others for the answers but is something that is right within us. Others may help us discover what is within ourselves, but we can access it at any time.

Of course, like many others, I fail to remember this. That just gives me the opportunity for further growth and continued steps on down my journey. So once again, I'm reminded of all that I am part of and all that is a part of me. May I remember this as I draw on the strength I need to fulfill the purpose that is before me.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Can Anger Make You Vomit?

Can Anger Make You Vomit? I’m not sure I know the definite answer to this one. My suspicions are that it can because I know that stress can cause tight muscles, worry can cause ulcers and digestive problems, lack of making decisions can affect feet and leg issues, sexual abuse can affect hip and pelvic region problems and the list could go on and on. Of course, it is probably important to note, that one thing may not necessarily affect the other but these do have the potential of doing these things. So why would vomiting not be caused by anger? That I cannot answer either way.

All I know is that when I get stressed out, I tend to get headaches along with the tight muscles but headaches are usually the more preferred route it seems for me. Lately, I’ve been feeling stressed about several things (personal of nature) and somewhat depressed and just seem like the harder I try to move forward in life, the more I tap into the fears I have. These fears include a lack of self confidence, thinking others really don’t like/love me and are only appearing as they do, and just being afraid (almost paralyzed) to go out in public and get things moving. On top of this, it triggers the release of this anger pit hidden deeply within me and makes me want to go hide in a cave. I’ve struggled for years to regain these things but for some reason it seems like they still appear in gigantic form to me.

The stress though has been building and the headaches have been picking up in frequency. Even with trying to do things to help myself release the stress, it just seemed like nothing was working. The anger kept rising; the stress was steady with no end in sight. I just wanted to be alone and in many ways I didn’t want to be with myself either. Unfortunately, I am not able to escape myself as much as I would like to.

Last night was the culmination of the stress I believe and this time it was not going to let me get away. Of course, I know I have some food sensitivities and so there is a possibility that it could have been something I ate. However, I’ve not been able to narrow that down but I know that my cravings and diet has really been messed up lately. Food hasn’t tasted right and until recently when there was chocolate in the house, I just could not say no to it. It so easily becomes like an addiction to me and the only way around it is to not have it in the house. It doesn’t mean I don’t get the cravings for it. It just means it is harder to eat.

Last night, the headache intensified which is never a good sign when you’ve suffered from headaches and migraines most of your life. The bloating started in which in the past (like around Christmas or other times), has meant that I ate something which I’m sensitive to. I know that garlic and onions in a minute amount will not treat me well. The pressure build up in my abdomen became unbearable and I felt like I had a balloon inside of me that kept being filled with air. The only temporary relief I’ve found from this is an ice pack applied to my abdomen.

As things progressed, I began to vomit violently and it didn’t seem like it would end for some time. My stomach hurt so badly from this and by the time it was over, I was so weak I could barely stand up, let alone walk. Once I knew things had settled down, even though I could feel every digestive organ inside of me moving around, I went and collapsed in bed. I was exhausted but still somewhat hurting and uncomfortable that it was hard to let myself go to sleep.

And today, even though my stomach muscles still hurt from being sick and I feel a little weak yet, I don’t feel sick. By sick, I mean that I am running a temperature or something. It is like either it is a bad reaction to something I ate which right now I am not sure what that is, or it is one big release for the anger that seems to build within me deeply. I wish I knew the answer. I wish it would all make sense. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen a connection of these events to either a combination of an emotional time along with eating garlic or onion by mistake. Of course, this time, as far as I know, I did not eat any onion or garlic.

So I’m left wondering what is going on with me. I hate it when I don’t know the answers but yet I feel it is important to write down what is going on in my mind. Maybe the connection between things will yield some answers at some point and maybe I’m already on to something here. I just would hate to make an argument out of the facts I presented because I know I couldn’t prove that getting sick is the result of anger.

On the other hand, I can remember times of getting sick in the past that had nothing to do with a flu bug or virus. I can remember going through some of the healing bodywork I’ve done and feeling like I’ve had to “throw up” something deep inside of me. I remember a session one time where I felt as if there was this big black ball of thick goo inside of me and by the time the session was over, it was gone. I also know that I have tended to stuff my feelings and emotions deep within me. It was my place of refuge and it was my hiding place.

For now, I only have questions. I hope the answers will begin to present themselves so that this all makes sense. For I feel as if it robs me of so much in life – whoever “it” is.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Reflections On My Life

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and realizing just how far I've come. Maybe that's the message I was looking for recently when I felt like I was up against the same proverbial brick wall. It was a familiar brick wall and one that seems to be there no matter what.

You see, my life has been deluged with many storms. I've been battered in just about any way one can think of that a person can be. There hasn't been too many things that I've not encountered in my life in one way or another. Some people have told me that I chose this life, which at first was hard to reconcile but the more I challenge and look at what these people have told me, the more it makes sense. I was never one to believe in past lives but too many things have surfaced to give evidence that there is more out there than what I was taught in some narrow minded churches.

When I was a kid, I never really thought I would make it through high school. I always just knew "somehow" that I was going to get very sick and the entire family would be around me wondering what to do. No one would have answers and it was a life threatening situation. As a kid, I thought this would happen before I graduated from high school but instead, it was a few years after I was out of college. And while I couldn't see the entire manner in which this would play out, it did involve my family wondering how to get me the help I needed and the doctors being unsure of what to do. Fortunately I did recover but it was a very difficult moment in my life and I did come very close to death.

All the while growing up though, I was an extremely sensitive kid. I'd cry at anything and everything. If I was separated from my mom, I'd cry. If I saw something little creature on the ground tortured or mistreated or even stepped on, I would cry. I had a pet rock and if someone would hit it, I would cry. There were people around me that could not accept that and being a boy, I was taught to be a "man" and not cry. Of course, that just made me go and hide my head under a pillow and cry myself to sleep.

The point is I was very sensitive and I picked up so much that was around me from what people were thinking and not saying to how they felt, how they responded to me or to so many things. It was like I was acquainted with a language that was not spoken or shared. Of course, the home life was not a stable, grounded life and so these things became misdirected as self sabotage for me. That led to stomach and digestive problems, self confidence issues and so many other things because I internalized everything.

By the time I reached high school, I knew I was just different than others or they were just different than me. I didn't feel like I fit in nor did I really want to. Many things I knew seemed to evade others and I was often confused that concepts which I understood were so far removed from most of the population. I still struggle with that to this day because somehow I just understand things that I have no idea where they came from.

Today, I still struggle with the self confidence and feeling like I fit into life. There are concepts which just seem normal to me but 99.9% of the population just doesn't get it! And they don't seem that concerned either.

I'm still very sensitive and really learning that this is a good thing in my life but sometimes it is overwhelming to say the least. Sometimes walking in store with a lot of people, is a major challenge for me. It is like everyone has their own life's movie playing around them as they walk by. Sometimes, I pick up the pains that these people have and then struggle to figure out if they are my pains or another person's pain.

So some days I still feel really out of place in this life and sometimes I have no way to reconcile that with anything. It is hard to find well rounded, grounded people to talk to because so many go out into all forms of la la land and they can't even see that they are in la la land. I'm learning though that all of these things are helping me grow into the person that I am. While I want everything to come together in life and know exactly what I'm supposed to be doing what it is I feel I'm being groomed for, I know that until the moment is right, there will be the feeling of a void. My sense and message is that all of this is taking place quicker than I realize but it is not time yet.

Why did I write this? I'm not sure. It may just be my way of trying to connect the dots. It may be my way of showing myself that this is going along as planned or it may be a whole host of other reasons. Whatever it is, my hands felt the need to write my thoughts down and I'll let the words go where ever they may travel.

It is my quest to understand more about my life, to heal from the storms of life and to follow that inner guidance within myself that shows me the path ahead.


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