Sunday, December 29, 2013

NO Place For Animal Abuse

One of the things I grew up with in my life as a kid was seeing just how animals were treated if they weren't 100% obedient.  Please note though that obedience may not mean what you think it was.  Of course, we as kids weren't treated any better.  Obedience meant you did whatever the "masters" wanted at any point in time, even if it meant one thing in one moment and something else in the next.

Time and time again I heard and witnessed the phrase "I'll Teach Them A Lesson" by members of my family.  In this post, I'm more speaking out for the animals.  If the dog or cats didn't do exactly what some member of the family thought they should do, they were disciplined and taught a lesson.

These lessons were taught in the way of the cats being hurled up into the air as they went sailing out the front door.  More severe lessons were taught by closing the cats in the basement door or drowning them in a river.    Of course there was the normal beatings that they would get in my house for just about anything.  A cat in my house didn't dare jump up on a table or counter.  That was like a major sin unto God.  Apparently God condoned this type of behavior in our house.

The dogs were not immune to the lessons either.  Shoes would be thrown at the dogs, or they would be held by the collar while they were beaten and kicked for whatever crime they committed.  Sometimes they would be locked up for a long time in the garage and tied to a chain to show them just who was boss.  Its important to note that we were not supposed to go out and see the dog until the imposed sentence was served.  I would sneak out and take the dog part of my meal and water.  Heck, the dogs would even be shot at as they ran down the road.  If all else failed, it was up to our father (the patriarch) of the family to have my younger brother go out and shoot his dog because he didn't like the dog.

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Unlimited Abundance - Two Years Later

If you're reading this, you may be just as skeptical as I was about this program.  In fact, if you go back and read some of my very first blog posts on Unlimited Abundance with Christie Marie Sheldon, I wasn't exactly nice about the program and my skepticism shined through brightly.

The one thing I've learned in life is that which I most fear and reject is often the thing I need to come to terms with and understand. While I feel a little "embarrassed" about what I once wrote back in 2011, I feel it is necessary to leave  the post up on this blog so you can see how I came through my own process in Unlimited Abundance.  I feel like it is better to lay all my cards on the table, then to scrub my words later.  I always want my blog to be authentic in every way possible.  What you see is what you get!

So anyway, as many may be wondering,
  1. Is the Unlimited Abundance program with Christie Marie Sheldon worth it?  
  2. Does it really work?  
  3. Am I going to get wealthy or rich or be able to pay my bills?  
  4. Is it going to change my life?

The questions could go on and on, but I can only share with you what it has done for me in the past two years from my own personal experience.  I can't prove or disprove some of what she talks about because it is not experiences I have had.  The only thing I will share in this blog post is my personal experiences and results.  What happens for you is all up to you and what you choose to do.  I cannot make any claims for you and neither can anyone else.

Friday, December 27, 2013

Shifting Focus

Anyone who has been following this blog for sometimes knows that it isn't as active as it once was.  At one time I was writing blog posts 7 days a week.  Now my schedule doesn't always allow that or if I get the time, my mind is tired and I really can't focus on putting the words together for it.

I enjoy writing and I enjoy writing for this blog.  Its meant a lot to me and has helped me process so many things, events and experiences in life.  While I probably won't ever stop writing here, just don't expect to see the frequency with what it once was.

My interest is shifting to areas of neuroscience and helping people recover physically and mentally from somatic trauma.  I went through the paralysis of a Conversion Disorder and because of that, I see through the lens of life differently than most.  I love learning more about how the mind works and how we all process experiences and events that have come our way.  I feel like there is so much more to our biological mind than what anyone is currently aware of in this world.

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Is Christmas Really About Love?

All too often we say one thing in life, but our actions depict something other than what we say.  Christmas may be very likely one of those things.  After all, if you people watch and observe for a few days, you will get a much different picture than what actually happens.

Most people claim Christmas is about love and joy and peace.  I would say that I would totally agree with that.  Yet, when we find things to disparage and put down in others and trample upon, are we really practicing love?  All you have to do is read the recent news headlines with a little objectivity to understand what I mean.

Most people claim that they give presents out of love and I believe many do.  Unfortunately, I also believe it is done out of a necessity (even if it is subconscious and we are unaware of it) to give the perfect gift.  If you don't believe me, try not buying gifts for everyone but maybe finding some small action that you can give them and see what the reaction is.  You might be surprised, and this may come with repercussions that you'd rather not have in your life.

I still go back to one big example in my family and I believe that many other families go through this, but none will admit it. 

Monday, December 23, 2013

Barely Made It To The Dentist

I had the tooth extracted the other day and boy was that not fun.  They had a heck of a time getting it to come out.  I went to another dentist (female) than the previous one a couple of years ago.  At least she is more compassionate.  At one point during the procedure, I was struggling to stay in the moment.  I knew I was getting close to passing out and was trying to focus on my breathing.

Finally I took my hands and made a time out signal and she stopped.  All the time, I was asking my angels to help me.  As soon as she stopped, I was hyperventilating but I was able to slow my own breathing down.  After a few minutes, she began again and within a couple of minutes the tooth came out and it was all over. 

Boy these things trigger me so much on so many levels from early days to the time in the hospital with the paralysis. 

Then I came home and the pain has been tough to deal with.  It wiped me out more than I expected.  I had people calling me and I was short and unhelpful because I wasn't feeling good and it hurt to talk.

The day before yesterday, I went into the deep dark place where I don't want to go and I knew I was there.  The triggers of emotions were overwhelming in this.  I started to contact a friend, but quit (all part of that spiral process for me).  So I once again asked my angels to help pull me back up.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Hiding From The Dentist

Okay, get ready, get set - where did he go?  If anyone has seen Don, please send him to the car.  His dentist appointment awaits.  Paging Don - Paging Don!  He's nowhere to be found.  Can you blame him though?  Its the dentist after all!

I don't care how many times I go through this and how many things I do, I'm as frightened of the dentist as someone would be if they were jumping out of a 747 jumbo jet with no parachute at 30,000 feet.  Get the feeling?  Now you've got an inclination of just how difficult this is for me.

I'm trying.  I am trying.  I hopefully have found a better dentist that actually cares and is compassionate unlike the last one that gave lip service to the concept.  I have tried to put some boundaries in place and only had them look at my first visit without doing any work.

While I hate medication of any type, this is the one time I will take something to help me with the anxiety.  I'd like to think I'm strong enough without, but see me hiding behind the door.  Does that prove my point?

Sunday, December 15, 2013

I'm Healed - I'm Over It!

So often people who have been through so much in life, tend to hide from it and almost act as if nothing happened.  More times than I can remember, I've basically heard from others "I'm healed and I'm over it!"  In the voice and words of the church lady, one thought usually comes to my mind - "well isn't that special".

Now, you may be thinking that I'm being a sarcastic smart you know what.  Maybe I am and maybe I'm just trying to get everyone's attention.  It isn't that I take healing lightly or think that you have to drown in the misery of your past experiences.  What I believe is as important as oxygen to our body, is that you have to be 100% honest with yourself.  This is where people fall down.

Healing is not an end point.  Healing is a journey.  Discovery about your life doesn't stop when you open one door, it only begins.  Healing happens a little bit over many moments of your life.  It is a process.  It is not an end point.  Yes, I'm repeating that but I'm doing so because most people never fully understand that its a process.

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Feeling The Brain's Potential

I'm always amazed at how much and how little we humans use our brain.  Its a major organ in our body and one that we can't do without, but yet so often we treat it as if it is nothing more than a collection of cells and tissues.  Of course, I'm sure one could insert all kinds of jokes here about how people use their brains, but that's not the point of this blog post.

I would like to have everyone reading this just take a moment and say hello to your brain.  OK, if that didn't feel awkward, then maybe you want to repeat that one again (or maybe you don't).  You see, most of us just aren't in touch with our brains, although we depend upon them to get through our day.

One of the ways we fail to connect with our brain is by not seeing the potential we have in our life.  We have so much power within the cells that make up our brain and we only tap into a very little part of it each day.  Most of the time this is because we are running too hard and too busy to stop a moment and connect with it.  If you ignore it, you won't grasp the full potential of it.

Friday, November 1, 2013

A Willing Heart And An Open Mind

I'm touched by so many people, places, and events.   It amazes me just to see different parts of this planet that I live on.  The streets and sidewalks share stories that if you listen closely, you will hear their whispers.  The sky observes everything below as if it is much more than we can see. Every breath of air speaks volumes beyond the casual sentence.

I don't understand why people fight so much with one another.  I don't understand why there seems to be so much hatred displayed on TV and in the media.   It boggles my mind that all too often, our differences are highlighted, more than the oneness we share as human.

Maybe what I'm writing here seems all too liberal and as if I have my head in the clouds.  Anyone who feels that way is of course entitled to this view.  Unfortunately, I would disagree with that assessment and just ask if it is possible to step away from these walls that we put up and these beliefs we hold so tight in our life.

It just pains me to see humans take on the view promoted by the advertisement and marketing world in conjunction with the media and news purveyors.  It pains me to see us lose our creativity and humanness in lieu of things that really don't matter in life. 

Monday, October 21, 2013

Haunted By Ghosts Of The Past

It was just a search that turned up a You Tube video.  How on earth could that be that difficult to view?  Of course, I didn't even think about that when I came across it.  I didn't even think about clicking on it.  It all happened and began playing before my mind realized that my fingers had clicked the play button.

Haunted by ghosts of the past, will they forever wrap me in chains?  I could reference the video here, but I just don't want to give it any credibility.  It would be my luck that it would go viral and everyone would see it as normal.  Actually, to most people, it may look rather normal and I may be the one that looks like the fool.  Yet, if you knew the whys and wherefores and particulars behind it, there would be nothing wholesome about what I saw in this video.

Haunted by ghosts of the past, will my mind ever forget?  I've come a long ways in healing, but when you've seen what my eyes have seen, the body and mind never forget.  If they do, I've not experienced that level of healing yet in my life.  You see, the video depicts something religious that to many may look like the person in it is truly humble and changed.  Yet, I've seen this scenario play out more than once by too many.  You do the dastardly deed, molest the child, abuse the wife and then you repent your sins to Jesus.  You get saved and rededicate your life to Christ and if it is bad enough, you even get "baptized" once again.  You claim you never really had Jesus in your heart.  Its a scenario that has played out over and over again in the life I have witnessed.  Wrap it up in a bow and put it under the tree for Christmas!

Monday, September 30, 2013

Where Is The Heart Of Our Society?

I've been doing some work on a project that takes me to different cities.  In these cities, I don't just travel the "ritzy" places, but I also travel into the areas that most have never seen or will ever see.  It isn't the places where tourists go or the places you take your family to a Sunday afternoon dinner.

These places are where you see the ladies of the night walking the street, and the people pushing their shopping carts loaded with their belongings.  These places are where you the depressed, sad, and lonely faces as you hear people talking to themselves as if they have an imaginary friend right beside them.  These places are where the buildings are boarded up with iron bars protecting them from those struggling to survive in this life.

Yet, at the same time, it is not uncommon to see the wealth of our society and even the not so wealthy drive past these areas, as if they are in a hurry.  It is not uncommon to see people so accustomed to these things around them, that I doubt most are aware it exists any longer.  Of course, you never see the local or national politicians come through these areas asking for votes.  You don't see the charity drives taking place here, nor do you see businessman recruiting these people for jobs.

Monday, September 23, 2013

Baptizing A Child Molester

Lord help me to not let my anger get the best of me.  Notice, I'm not saying "Lord help me to not be angry".  We're done past that point of no return.  I mean, after all, when I read the following, there is not much else I could do to stop that train into anger-ville.  It was on autopilot and it had already left the train station before I could even begin to put the brakes on.

Here's what got me very emotionally angry this morning - it was a post I saw.  I'll keep the name out of it, but the person that it belongs to, knows full well what is going on.

And before you decide to send me hate mail saying I'm bashing churches or religion, take some extra time and read my book and other articles on this blog.  It will help put this in context.  I'm not trying to bash anyone's religion, only what was done to me in the name of religion. Yes, I do realize there is a difference.

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Healing My Painful Hand

If I have to experience this pain one more day, I'm going to start bashing everything I can.  That's how I've felt the past week, dealing with intense hand pain that also brought with it shoulder and neck pain.  When I say it hurt, I mean it hurt.  No meandering around on this one.

Trying to write was nearly impossible.  Trying to shake hands with anyone was excruciating.  Sleeping or moving around would bring on moments of major pain.  Attempting to grasp anything with my right hand was like an exercise in futility.  No matter what I did, the pain would not go away.

I could do relaxation type exercises and while it would feel good temporarily, the moment I started to attempt to function again, the pain would come on with a vengeance.  It was as if to say, "you think you're going to get rid of me that easy - think again oh buddy boy - it ain't going to happen".  While I would try to walk away in disgust, it did no good because I had to take my hand and shoulder along with me and also the pain.

I figure if I would have gone to a regular medical doctor with this pain, they would have diagnosed it as carpal tunnel or shoulder impingement or some other name and condition.  More than likely I would have been looking at medication of some type and possibly surgery.  While that may have solved the problem in the short term, it would have been a temporary fix, ignoring what laid beneath the emotional, mental and spiritual planes of the body.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Observing Authenticity

I constantly am observing life and how we interact with our world and other inhabitants that walk this earth.  I've been a people watcher from the time I was very young or as far back as I can remember.  People are interesting creatures and often times, it is better than any movie I could ever watch.

Yet, as I observe how I fit into this world, I see that I am often measured and filtered with respect to where I go, what I do and how I allow the rest of the world to see me.  Sometimes I go overboard on this and other times I am probably too lenient on myself.  It is almost like I try to navigate through life using my reference with the world as stars to chart my course.

One of the things I know that I do is I hold back.  I'm afraid to make mistakes and afraid to fail.  God knows I'm not perfect and even when I try to present that front to the world, it becomes an illusion.  Often times I want to make sure the world knows that I have everything together even when I'm crumbling inside.

I still remember when I was recovering from my paralysis as a result of Conversion Disorder (also known as Functional Neurological Disorder- FND) and finally getting back in touch with friends, that a friend made a profound comment to me about my life.  He said in shock and disbelief, "you were in the hospital because you could not handle life and stress got the best of you  - you of all people?  Why, we thought out of the group of us friends, you were the one that had it all together!"

Monday, July 15, 2013

News Comments That Destroy Humanity

Today as I am writing this, I once again see a news report that brings shame upon the inhabitants of the world.  It isn't so much the story, as it is how we react to the news with our comments and opinions stated as facts.  It is how we disparage one another that is of greater value to me, than what our positions are based upon which side of the view point we fall upon.

We've all read the stories lately of the airplane crash, the George Zimmerman trial, and the supreme court rulings among others.  Unfortunately, if you go and begin reading the comments below these stories or follow the twitter feeds, you see just how much people online show their hatred and disrespect for one another anonymously.  It really is sad if you stop and think about it.

I'm sure we are all passionately concerned about things that happen around us and when we feel helpless, we tend to find a way in life to give ourselves some point of reference.  Often this comes out in how we react to these situations in what we say and do.  Most often, while these things may be a part of our current awareness, they are not always appropriate to display in an anonymous fashion online.

Remember back to the days when message boards first came out.  You had some control type personalities that tried to monitor every word that happened.  In addition, you had those that lurked in the shadows trying to stir up trouble.  Let's not forget about the ones that would see something posted and then react, because after all they weren't screaming or disrespecting another person - it was the screen or the computer or the internet site they were screaming to.  It wasn't perceived as a person, although in many aspects it was.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Afraid Of The Light Bulb

The other day, I went to the Thomas Edison Museum in Fort Myers, Florida.  It was a magical moment to me, because Thomas Edison has always been a hero of mine since childhood.  I was always taken in by his ability to see beyond the box and think outside the box, even when his teachers in school didn't think he was very bright.

As a young kid, I was often bored in school.  No, I'm not comparing myself to Thomas Edison but it didn't challenge me and I often felt like that is what Thomas Edison went through with his teachers.  Most teachers wanted to give us busy work, but few could really explain the material in a way that captivated my mind.  As a result, my mind would wander and daydream constantly.

Getting back to the purpose of this blog post, I am often amazed at just how humans hold back from things they do not know.  They become too afraid of something different outside the normal range of thinking.  Humans do this all the time, holding on to beliefs and opinions as evidence of the only truth in their life. While it is great to have principles and things you believe in, allowing yourself to be blinded by them is not helpful to the human experience.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Dealing With Regret

Dealing With Regret
Sometimes we are our own worst enemy and we hold ourselves back.  It is easy to allow our lives to be consumed by regret, but we are doing this at our expense.  Regret not only takes us from a point of evaluating our previous days, but if we aren't careful, it can paralyze our future days.

Like most other people in life, I'm sure I am not the only one that has had moments of regret.  There have been actions that I took which led me into things I would have not wished upon anyone.  There are moments of shame that I wish I could have stepped out of and not had to live with it as many years as I did.  There have been decisions that I have made which I wished I could have went back and changed.

Regret though can be a killer.  Sometimes regret has hog-tied me to the point of keeping me from moving forward.  Regret loves fear and it often walks hand in hand with it.

I'm sure if I asked you what one thing you had regret for in life, it would not be difficult to name.  However, if I asked how you began to let regret go and began dealing with it, the answer would be much harder to state.  Unfortunately too many of us continue to harbor regret for most of our life.  We don't let go of it because of the shame and fear associated with it.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Love Is Uncertain And Risky

Love Is Uncertain And Risky - Brene Brown, Daring Greatly
Love is uncertain. It’s incredibly risky. And loving someone leaves us emotionally exposed. Yes, it’s scary and yes, we’re open to being hurt, but can you imagine your life without loving or being loved? - Daring Greatly by Brene Brown (Pg 34)

Saturday, May 11, 2013

What The World Eats

What The World Eats
We all think we have it bad sometimes (and some of us do), and we often think we are the most healthy eaters in the world.  Yet, when you look at things from a bigger picture, you'll learn some interesting facts that may make you a little uncomfortable. 

This article in TIME shows it in a way like no other can.  Take a look at the link to the story, What the World Eats:  A Week's Worth Of Groceries.  If this doesn't touch you in a deep way, I will be surprised.

Friday, May 10, 2013

People Only See What They Want To See

People Only See What They Want To See
All too often we hide our heads in the sand acting as if that's all we know when in reality, we've know that isn't true.  People only see what they want to see and if they don't want to see it, it remains hidden from view.  To think that all other people do this is like thinking you can jump up and touch a cloud high in the sky.

I'm reading about how the wife of the suspected bombing terrorist was so shocked to learn that her husband was involved in this.  While I'm sure she was shocked and had no clue, it wasn't because they didn't know.  It was more likely that she just didn't want to see this.  After all, her friends are saying that the guy was not the nicest guy to be around or live with.  Again, we only see what we want to see.

In my house growing up, all kinds of abuse was taking place while most of the family didn't know it was happening to each other.  It was far easier to just go around and live like everything was so great and everyone was happy and there was nothing wrong.  It was easier to just not talk about it, mainly because of the fear of repercussion, but it didn't mean it was not going on.

Years after I was gone from this situation, I learned of another family member who went through stuff I was not aware of until they told me.  They were angry at me for not protecting them and stopping it, but I was just a kid for one and at the time, I was in college not realizing what was happening at home.  In my mind, I had hoped and convinced myself that it had stopped.  Boy, had I fooled myself into only seeing what I wanted to see.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Anyone Understand Conversion Disorder?

Does Anyone Understand Conversion Disorder
Day after day, I see searches on a subject near and dear to my heart that proves too many talking voices on the internet is not a good thing.  So many write the same thing about what conversion disorder is that makes me wonder if these people are just trying to hear themselves speak.  I'm serious here that this is a disgrace to the human existence.  People either need to wake up and show that they understand this or sit down in the cheap seats and listen to those that do.

If you are offended by what I write, I do not apologize for this.  If you are offended by that, again I do not apologize for this.  There are so many people reaching out for help and wondering does anyone understand conversion disorder.  What do they get in return?  A bunch of repeated and regurgitated gobbledygook that says nothing, does nothing and shoves them deeper into a world of confusion and despair.  Shame on all those that propagate this on in the name of hearing themselves speak.  If you are one of them, shame on you!

Conversion disorder is a serious condition and when someone is in this, it is hard enough to get an accurate diagnosis, let alone be told that diagnosis.  When you suffer from this, your entire world falls apart and you learn that there is not one thing you can trust in the world.  You cannot trust others to stand by your side that have been with you all your life and you cannot trust your body that it will function from one moment to the next.  Your life becomes a living hell of helplessness and uncertainty.

Each day that you live in this fog of despair and you wonder if you will make it, no one understands you and the medical establishment often fails miserably because of their own inadequacies.  Each day you live in this horror and torment, you wonder if the next minute will hold something you will not be able to deal with in your day, or will it be something that you can not guess what it might be from minute to minute.  The symptoms change, and the exhaustion comes as a friend but yet, no one seems to have answers.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Trauma In Conversion Disorder

Minimizing Trauma In Conversion Disorder
Here is a very good article about how we numb our life when faced with very traumatic situations.  In the case of Conversion Disorder (also known as Functional Neurological Disorder), people who suffer from this, readily and easily minimize trauma.

When I went through the paralysis in 1991 (read my book for more details), I could have convinced not only myself but the world that everything was fine.  I didn't want to even think about anything that I had been through and so I did not.  I fooled many people including myself, but yet deep down I knew I was holding on to secrets.

Our minds deal with trauma in the best way they know how.  It isn't so much that we want to fake others out or hide from the truth, but that the events are usually so overwhelming, that there is no other choice.  Our brains go to great lengths to protect us and in the face of trauma, numbing and minimizing is the first line of defense.

While I realize that most people who are faced with a diagnosis of conversion disorder or who may not even have arrived at that connection yet, do not want to think something is wrong with them psychologically.  They usually do not want to piece the trauma and the physical symptoms together.  Instead, they generally try to avoid that and demand or seek out any treatment which might give them temporary relief.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

What Is Your ACE Score?

What Is Your ACE Score?
I'm sure that title probably made you ask the following question.  "What is an ACE Score?"   Glad you asked!  ACE stands for adverse childhood experience.  The score attempts to determine how many adverse experiences an individual has had in their childhood because the higher the score, the greater the risk of having some serious health conditions later in life.

While most humans wait until these conditions show up and then want medications to fix the health condition, few realize just how much impact these early experiences had upon our life.  If we realize the impact they had upon our life, we are often led to believe there is little we can do about them now, short of taking medications and going through medical procedures.  However, this is not necessarily the case.

It does not require that you have been through horrendous trauma as a child because at the end of the day, trauma is trauma.  Yes, the more you have to deal with from childhood, the more difficult the challenge to overcome it.  We've all got something in our past most likely and instead of looking at it as a badge of honor or something to run away from, we should learn how to deal with it in our life.

Monday, May 6, 2013

Daily Angel Meditations May 6

Daily Angel Mediattions

Another website that I have created and write for daily is filled with positive and uplifting messages of growth and awareness.  It is called Daily Angel Meditation and is created from my morning meditations with the angels.  As I take time out in the beginning of my day, I record whatever comes to me.  I start out with a blank piece of paper and no preconceived ideas of what to write.  I then allow the words to fill the page, connecting with what my angels have to say.

Here are selected blog posts beginning the week of May 6, 2013.  I have tried to summarize them briefly and give the actual link to them.  To visit the website, just go to .

Right now, I've not been able to keep up with the blog, Daily Angel Meditations, but I am trying to keep up these thoughts.  Once my schedule permits, I hope to return to these daily journal writings.

May 6, 2013 (Monday)

Topic: No Blog Post
If you expect the unexpected, you will never begin to realize all the possibilities that show up in your day.  Seeing life through potential is potential.  Seeing life unfold in every way possible is what living is all about.. 

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Vulnerability Is Weakness Myth

Vulnerability Is Weakness Myth
The perception that vulnerability is weakness is the most widely accepted myth about vulnerability and the most dangerous. When we spend our lives pushing away and protecting ourselves from feeling vulnerable or from being perceived as too emotional, we feel contempt when others are less capable or willing to mask feelings, suck it up, and soldier on. We’ve come to the point where, rather than respecting and appreciating the courage and daring behind vulnerability, we let our fear and discomfort become judgment and criticism. - Daring Greatly by Brene Brown (pg 33)

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Fear, Disengagement And Courage

Fear, Disengagement And Courage
No matter where I went or with whom I was speaking, the core issues were the same: fear, disengagement, and yearning for more courage. - Daring Greatly by Brene Brown (pg 15)

Friday, May 3, 2013

Clean Your Own Windows First

Clean Your Own Windows First
I read something on a Facebook page recently of someone I don't know.  While I'm not going to reference the Facebook site that they shared, it was a religious one.  Actually this site looked to be a little more balanced than most, but the person sharing it had all kinds of JUDGMENTAL posts on this page.  It is funny to me that people will share things that are so good, but they don't even take to heart what it is that they share.

In the shared item, the story went something along the lines of a person who was critical of the neighbors.  In fact, it was about the neighbors laundry on the clothes line.  The person in this story constantly complained to her husband that the neighbor did not know how to do laundry.  For every time the neighbor did the laundry and hung it on the line, it appeared dirty.  It was not until one day she realized that the neighbor's laundry looked clean and exclaimed to her husband, that they must have figured out how to do laundry.  It was not until her husband told her that he got up early that day and cleaned their windows that she understood who it was that had the problem.

You see, it is easy for us to point out all the things wrong that other people do.  A funny thing happens when we do this though.  We usually are pointing out our own short comings and failure, only we can't even see beyond our disdain for others that we are doing this.  It isn't until we clean our own windows first that we begin to see more clearly in life.  If you think this is not rampant in our society, just read the daily news or look at a comment section on a news website.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Forgiveness Haunts Survivors

Forgiveness Haunts Survivors
For too many survivors, this single issue haunts them every day of their life.  Especially when you have been raised in a religious setting where you were brainwashed while abuse took place, the concept of forgiveness is like a knife being stabbed in your back.  To those that have not experienced this, they make the horrendous mistake of attempting to convince others that they must forgive in order to heal.

While forgiveness is a step of healing when the individual is ready for it, until they are at that point, it can be quite hurtful and harmful.  To clarify my statement, I'm referring to the mix-up in how forgiveness is often perceived and what it actually is to many people.  In all reality, forgiveness is not as cut and dried as people want everyone to believe.  It comes with a great deal of baggage that makes it one of the most difficult aspects of healing.

In my early days of life, I was raised in a church and forgiveness meant something totally different than it does in a healthy situation.  Forgiveness meant that you were to no longer talk about the "transgression or sin" that the person did.  It meant that event never happened of if you know it did, that you are now required to no longer see it as something that once happened.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Tylenol And The Mind Body

Tylenol And The Mind Body
One of the most overdosed substances in the world is something you would not even think about.  About 60,000 people in the US are admitted to the hospital for an overdose of acetaminophen.  Before you start scratching your head to figure out what that is, acetaminophen is the active drug in Tylenol and can also be found in Vicodin and Percocet.

In a 2009 research study, it showed that acetaminophen actually dulled social anxiety.  In much the same way that something like alcohol or Xanax might do, this substance acted the same way.  Further research has found that it has an affect on how people make moral judgements.

Physical pain and social anxiety share a common pathway in our nervous system.  So if you stop one, then you have stopped the other.  In other words, by removing physical pain, you are dulling the sense of moral judgment and social anxiety.

At one time I took Tylenol for headaches among a whole host of other over-the-counter medications.  From an early age, if I got a sniffle, then there was some type of medication pushed at me.  In fact, if I didn't take it, I was punished in one form or another.

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

What Choice Are You Making

I often wonder how I fit into this thing we call life.  It seems like I beat to a different drum than many do, and sometimes I feel like I create the drum that I beat to.  Yet, I feel like I'm part of this habitation experience called the world in which we live, only to find out that I feel so much different than most people I meet.  I have no way to fully know how to put all of this into words, but yet I experience it and feel it and see it on display before my eyes.

There are so many out there that I see who are following some myths taught to them as the only truth.  While these myths hold truth within, they are not the absolute truth for life.  In fact, the truths are being covered up with beliefs and opinions that are regurgitated at will.  If you try to breach these subjects with these people, you are met with a skepticism of doubt, fear and trepidation.  You are viewed as one that just doesn't understand, even though I understand far more than they realize.

There are many out there that uncover one rock and think that the grubs they have found underneath are the sole food source for the entire civilization.  As they go around proclaiming this, a funny thing happens.  They stop looking under the rest of the rocks on their path.  They fail to see that the first or even the second rock is but one in the road of life.  They miss the remaining rocks and what is underneath them, because they stop looking.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Daily Angel Meditations April 29

Daily Angel Mediattions

Another website that I have created and write for daily is filled with positive and uplifting messages of growth and awareness.  It is called Daily Angel Meditation and is created from my morning meditations with the angels.  As I take time out in the beginning of my day, I record whatever comes to me.  I start out with a blank piece of paper and no preconceived ideas of what to write.  I then allow the words to fill the page, connecting with what my angels have to say.

Here are selected blog posts beginning the week of April 29, 2013.  I have tried to summarize them briefly and give the actual link to them.  To visit the website, just go to .

Right now, I've not been able to keep up with the blog, Daily Angel Meditations, but I am trying to keep up these thoughts.  Once my schedule permits, I hope to return to these daily journal writings.

April 29, 2013 (Monday)

Topic: No Blog Post
When something knocks us off our center, let us take a moment and breathe.  Just center and focus on your breath.  Think of nothing else but how your breath rises and falls, how it feels, how deep it is and how easy or difficult it may be.  Just focus on your breathing for 30 seconds and see if you don't find your center by that point. 

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Men And Vulnerability - Good At Pretending

An excellent part from Brene Brown's book, Daring Greatly.  This shared passage is on how men experience shame, which is much different from women.  While this is a very small part of the overall section on men and shame, it is a good one.  If this rings a bell for you, I would urge you to get her book and read it.  

Here’s the painful pattern that emerged from my research with men: We ask them to be vulnerable, we beg them to let us in, and we plead with them to tell us when they’re afraid, but the truth is that most women can’t stomach it.

And men are very smart. They know the risks, and they see the look in our eyes when we’re thinking, C’mon! Pull it together. Man up.

“Men know what women really want. They want us to pretend to be vulnerable. We get really good at pretending.”   Daring Greatly by Brene Brown (Pg 95 - 96)

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Living With Regret

Living With Regret by Soulseeds
Reading a blog the other day, I shared it on social media, but thought it was so good that I needed to share it on here.  Of course, I'm going to just quote a brief section of it.  You will have to read the entire thing and trust me, it is well worth the read.

Healthy regret gives you a way to reflect on the past and make different choices. Unhealthy regret prevents you from living in the present because you are still carrying the past, like a monkey on your back. It’s like the Zen story about two monks who came across a woman struggling to cross a stream.- From Soulseeds Blog

Friday, April 26, 2013

Qi Activation - National Qigong Conference Orlando

Will I see you on May 25 to May 28?  I will be attending the National Qigong Conference in Orlando.  Qi Activation is the title of the conference and if it is like the one I went to in 2009, I'm sure no one will be disappointed.  It was well worth the 4 days that I spent there and it was one of the most inexpensive conferences I have ever been to in my life.

The first thing that drew me to this conference was the low price for a lot of CEU's.  Since I'm a massage therapist, I look for lower cost classes I can take to meet the CEU's I need to renew my license.  Too many classes out there charge way more than they should because they can.  I'm sorry if that steps on some toes, but I get tired of this attitude.

I was also intrigued by the size of this conference.  Never before had I been in a conference like this with 2000 people.  Let me tell you, it enhances the experience in so many ways.  I met people from all walks of life and actually saw a few familiar faces.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Hopefully We Evolve As Humans

Hopefully We Evolve As Humans
I got chastised not long ago on a website about this concept and I thought it was time I needed to clarify what I mean.  Obviously what I wrote missed the point as to what it means that hopefully we evolve as humans.  The dictionary refers to it as developing gradually or working something out.  It may also refer to the way a biological organism will change and develop through the evolutionary process.

Evolve is not a negative in my mind.  It doesn't mean some horror movie of creating a monster.  It is not harmful.  I see it as completely positive and developing process.  It is an evolutionary process within each one of us and the world or universe at large.

I really don't understand how it can be viewed as a negative unless it is something that makes an individual uncomfortable.  If that's the case, I get it.  Many people don't like our beliefs and opinions challenged.  We tend to go into our respective corners and hold dearly and tightly to everything that we claim as our own.  Unfortunately, the more we do that, the less we evolve.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

The Truth Of Healing

The Truth Of Healing
It is so easy to lock ourselves into one viewpoint of how we see the body.  As medical and allied medical professionals, we all tend to scurry to our respective corners and only see truth as our brain filters it or according to the beliefs we have been taught.  Yes, I know everyone tries not to do this, but we are human and we live in a society that corrals us into a set of norms just to keep the status quo operating in a way that is comfortable to everyone.

In order to heal others, this is not helpful and unless we challenge ourselves and push ourselves outside of this norm, we will remain part of the problem, rather than part of the solution.  If we continue to follow our own paradigms, we lose sight of truth and discovery.  I am just as guilty of this as the next person, but I write this to give a nudge of challenge to every healing professional in our world.

Often what we perceive as fact and truth, may apply for one moment in time or it may be a result of how we filter data and experiences in life.  I have seen far too many research studies that were downright flawed or were so one sided, that I cringe from the top of my head to the bottom of my toes.  I have seen people base beliefs and practices on what they consider to be the truth, only to find out that they are regurgitating what has been taught to them.  I am speaking to all medical professionals and to the all new age folks.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Easy Veggies Rice and Cheese Recipe

Easy Veggies Rice and Cheese Recipe
This is one of my favorite things to make!  It is simple and easy and nutritious.  The raw taste of the veggies just brings it alive.  Outside of cutting up some vegetables and steaming them and the rice, it is not a hard thing to make.  It takes very little time. So, here's what I do with my recipe and you of course can create it in whatever way works for you.

Sometimes I use a veggie chopper to chop the vegetables up, but tonight I just cut them up.  It all depends upon what you have and what you want to do. The veggie chopper really makes cutting vegetables up so easy.  There is no right way or wrong way to do this. 

Cook time for the veggies and rice was around 45 to 50 minutes, but of course that depends upon your steamer.

You can use whatever vegetables you wish to use.  Your favorite veggies are the ones that work the best.  Tonight, I used broccoli,  cauliflower, carrots, green pepper, red pepper, and snow peas.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Daily Angel Meditations April 22

Daily Angel Mediattions

Another website that I have created and write for daily is filled with positive and uplifting messages of growth and awareness.  It is called Daily Angel Meditation and is created from my morning meditations with the angels.  As I take time out in the beginning of my day, I record whatever comes to me.  I start out with a blank piece of paper and no preconceived ideas of what to write.  I then allow the words to fill the page, connecting with what my angels have to say.

Here are selected blog posts beginning the week of April 22, 2013.  I have tried to summarize them briefly and give the actual link to them.  To visit the website, just go to .

April 22, 2013 (Monday)

Topic: No Blog Post
Sometimes it is important that we just let an experience go and release it into the wind.  We have no control over external events and if we try to control them believing that we do, we will be holding on to something that is not ours. 

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Brene Brown on Wholehearted Living

Brene Brown on Wholehearted Living
Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It’s going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging. - Daring Greatly by Brene Brown

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Healing Through Expressive Writing

Healing Through Expressive Writing
“Since the mid-1980s an increasing number of studies have focused on the value of expressive writing as a way to bring about healing. The evidence is mounting that the act of writing about traumatic experience for as little as fifteen or twenty minutes a day for three or four days can produce measurable changes in physical and mental health. Emotional writing can also affect people’s sleep habits, work efficiency, and how they connect with others.”  - Daring Greatly by Brene Brown

Friday, April 19, 2013

Healing Abandonment Issues

Healing Abandonment Issues
This blog post is actually the second part in this series and was written that way, but since it was so long, I decided to split it up into two parts. To understand more on what this post is about, I would suggest that you read the blog post from April 18, 2013, Healing Abandonment Experiences.

I could go on about different experiences of abandonment that I have been through in my life, but these are the main ones.  They show in a broad manner what can happen.  However, it is the issue of how abandonment follows you through your entire life.  It is not something you can easily walk away from or ignore.  It permeates every relationship, every job, every social contact, and all parts of life.

In the post, I Have Abandonment Issues, from the blog Together We Heal, I was struck by one of the portions of text.  I would like to share this with you because I think it goes to the heart of what abandonment is all about.

For quite a long time, I had the false belief that “people always leave.” As a result, guess what, people around me often didn’t stick around for long, because I would pretty much act in a way that ensured they would not want to! It is hard to acknowledge, but we have to be straight about the role we play that leads us to re-create the experience of being abandoned over and over again. - Together We Heal Blog

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Healing Abandonment Experiences

Healing Abandonment Experiences
I was reading a WordPress blog that I stumbled into the other day and it really hit home.  It is a topic that I normally don't hear people talk that much about, let alone share it from their personal experience.  I've went through abandonment, maybe not like some people, but in a more covert way.  I'm not sure it makes any difference how it happened, as the effects are all the same.

Another story I remember beside my own was a roommate I had in college.  He was a very nice guy and seemed to get along great with people.  He had a great personality and was fun loving in nature.  I still remember the day when he and I were talking and he shared something very personal.  He told me that a social services worker had found him in a garbage can.  His own mother for reasons he did not know, left him in a garbage can.  He could have died.  I don't remember how young he was, but I think he was just a baby.

My story is not that dramatic as this roommate story is on abandonment.  However, what I went through was more covert and more subtle.  Yes, there was the time in the hospital when I was just a baby that my mom had to choose between being close to my father who had hepatitis or stay with me.  I'm sure it wasn't that she didn't want to be with me, but he had much more control over her and he was extremely insecure.  Of course, there is no way I can recollect this in my memory, but my body still feels it.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Book Review: Daring Greatly - Brene Brown

Daring Greatly By Brene Brown
I'm only partially into this book and I can barely put it down!  I saw the original TED talk on YouTube and that blew my mind away.  The book is basically adding to that!  Thanks Brene Brown for blowing my mind!  (and I say that in a good way).  Daring  Greatly was featured on OWN Super Soul Sunday a few weeks back and rightfully so!

Most likely there are people out there that are yawning and thinking that talking about vulnerability and shame are like the most boring subjects one could discuss.  Or perhaps like an example I just saw, they dismiss it because it hits too close to home.  It could be that others just don't see this as being worthy enough of their time to read.  I'd offer up in a very strong and forceful way that if you fall into these categories, you really need to read this book.

It is so down to earth and a very simple read.  It is written just as Brene Brown would give a lecture and tell a story.  There is not one part of it that is boring or just academic or one of those college texts you have to read when you're in school.  Most books like this, I can only read a little bit before my eyes are drifting off, but this one - it holds my attention.  In fact, Daring Greatly, holds my attention to the point I don't want to quit reading it.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Human Trafficking

Human Trafficking
Source:  Elite Continuing Education
Home Study Course
Human Trafficking
While I don't like to see anyone taken advantage of in this world, what I read as part of a home study course today for continuing education woke me up to something of which I really was not aware.  In fact, many people probably go through a day not even thinking about human trafficking, but yet it is a very widespread problem and is most likely taking place right before our eyes.

Human trafficking is one of the fastest growing criminal industries throughout the world.  In fact, it is estimated to be a 32 billion dollar industry with 27 million people being enslaved in the world today.  While law enforcement  is working to try and stop the flow of victims into the US, it takes all of us to be aware and assist to help stop this.

I was completely surprised that almost 300,000 children are sexually exploited in the US.  Around 17,000 victims are trafficked into the US with about 800,000 trafficked in the world each year.  In my mind, one is too many, but think about the number of people for a moment.  It is a far bigger problem than most of us realize or even may want to admit.

Some of the places where sex trafficking can be found include prostitution, exotic dancing, pornography, live cyber-sex sites, sexual services through massage parlors, truck stops and escort services.  I have heard so many men especially talk about massage in such a way that is degrading and this is part of the problem.  The minute you say you do massage, the first thing many men will say is a statement that is sexual in nature.  It is like some of these individuals in our society can not see the difference between massage and sexual activity, and to me they are part of the problem with their primitive mindsets.  True healthy massage has nothing to do with sex and if you are part of that situation, than please learn what it means to be a man, woman, or human, not just a brain dead animal.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Daily Angel Meditations April 15

Daily Angel Mediattions

Another website that I have created and write for daily is filled with positive and uplifting messages of growth and awareness.  It is called Daily Angel Meditation and is created from my morning meditations with the angels.  As I take time out in the beginning of my day, I record whatever comes to me.  I start out with a blank piece of paper and no preconceived ideas of what to write.  I then allow the words to fill the page, connecting with what my angels have to say.

Here are selected blog posts beginning the week of April 15, 2013.  I have tried to summarize them briefly and give the actual link to them.  To visit the website, just go to .

April 15, 2013 (Monday)

Topic: No Blog Post
What we do to the least among us, we do unto ourselves.  If we hold one another up in honor and respect, we show the respect we have for ourselves.  If we mistreat others, we mistreat ourselves.. 

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Stay As The Self by Moojiji

Moojiji Stay As The Self
The other day, a friend of mine sent me a link to this video.  It seems almost too simplistic, but I know from first hand experience just how difficult it is to trust the self.  To trust our inner self and be at one with it in peace, is just not easy for humans to do.

In the video, Moojiji gives some great advice and here are some of the words that I transferred from this video which I thought said so much.

Pay attention to what's not changing, and gradually, only what's not changing is there. That even what is changing becomes what's not changing. It may sound over-simplistic, even naive as an advice. But it is the sage's secret, and it works. Don't keep picking up thoughts; just stay Here. Here is your monastery, your ashram, your temple, your home, your Self. Know this and move wherever your Heart and the winds of life and existence takes you. And even this day when your body shall fall, you'll be here to watch it also.  - Moojiji
YouTube Video - The Sage's Secret:  Stay As The Self

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Remove Space Within Atoms Of Human Body

Remove Space Within Atoms Of Human Body
This is a great quote that I saw come through on Twitter from Brian Greene.  According to his Facebook page, he is the author of The Hidden Reality: Parallel Universes and the Deep Laws of the Cosmos.  I have not read his book, but it sounds interesting.

Remove all the space within the atoms making up the human body, and every person that’s ever lived would fit inside a baseball. - Brian Greene

Friday, April 12, 2013

Drake University Bans Plastic Water Bottles

Drake University Bans Plastic Water Bottles

The other day I was reading in the Des Moines Register about a story that just made me shake my head.  In the story, it was stated that Drake University in Iowa has now banned plastic water bottles.  In their defense, this was a student led initiative.  While they have banned plastic water bottles, it appears they are giving each student a refillable water bottle and making hydration stations plentifully available.

Yet, I am waiting for the moment when these same people who are so against plastic water bottles, ban all soft drink plastic bottles.  I mean, fair is fair, right?  Of course not!  I know the twisted logic that will not allow this to happen.

Before you think that I am completely missing the point, if you banned all purified bottled water, I would be completely behind you on that one.  To ban water that is carefully bottled and not just purified is short-sighted to say the least.  Of course, it means that you have to do your research and understand how each brand and supplier packages their water.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Living As A Highly Sensitive Person

Living As A Highly Sensitive Person
For those who aren't in touch with their emotions, this may or may not mean much to you.  However, I would hope that you will read this so you can understand more what highly sensitive people deal with in a day.  Everyone interacts with sensitive people each day of their life.  The more you know about how they operate, the more you can function more effectively in this world.

As I have written before, I am one of these highly sensitive people.  I sense, pick up, and connect with so much that I even have a difficult time making sense of it.  In fact, I am sometimes not even aware of all that I pick up, but I feel it all the way to my bone.  Some days it helps me greatly and other days it is pure hell to deal with in life.

For instance, when I walk into a building and/or office, I can sense an energy or a feel to the place.  Within moments, I get a generalized sense of many characteristics of that building and/or office.  It isn't just the decor or interior decorating.  It isn't just the pleasantness of the receptionist or the cold hard stares.  It is much more than that and I base all of my reactions in regards to what my senses tell me.

Another case where this comes into play is in a sense of knowing that certain events may take place.  I'm not talking about being psychic here, although many may claim it is and they may be right.  I'm talking about a sense of knowing that things aren't going to go the way everyone intends or that things aren't quite right.  Recently, I went to a potential job site the night before so I could make sure I would be able to find the building.  When I arrived at the building, I instantly knew that this was not the place for the job, but had no way to verify it.  Sure enough, the next day my intuition and gut sense feeling was spot on.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Thou Shall Make Fun Of People

Thou Shall Make Fun Of People
Treating others without respect seems to be an obvious part of being religious.  I mean, I see all these people that hold religious institutions up as a badge of honor in their life, yet their words and actions fail to hold up to the same degree.  It is almost like their religion demands that thou shall make fun of people.  Don't believe me; just look at the stuff that gets circulated on Facebook, Twitter, and comments on news sites.

It angers me to see just how we treat each other and how much we show contempt for one another.  I don't care what side of the political spectrum you are on or who you are or what you think you know.  If you feel the need to ridicule and making fun of others is appropriate, than I'm sorry to tell you this, but it is a bigger reflection of who you are, than the person you are disrespecting. 

What we say about others is a very direct reflection of who we are and what we harbor within our soul.  It demeans not only the person we refer to, but it demeans humanity as a whole.  It shows how little we respect ourselves and the essence of life.  I find it appalling to view on a daily basis.  No matter where you turn, this lack of respect is shoved in your face.


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