Tuesday, March 27, 2018

You Don't Have To Engage

Written By Don Shetterly
For some reason, I do not understand, we as humans think we need to engage in every fight that comes along.  Just a little tip here which I'm sure you've heard before, You don't have to engage.

Now, I know, everyone will claim they don't engage.  Many will state they rise above everything.  Many will deplore what is going on.  However, what is said to the masses and what is done while no one is looking do not match up.

I'm sorry.  I hate to be the bearer of honest news to everyone, but I see this day in and day out.  It isn't hard to figure out with a couple of clicks on the internet.  What we say to the world and what we do are not the same actions.

The more significant point is you don't have to engage with the turmoil and screaming of the day.  The world will go on whether you do or not.  If we're not careful, we're just adding more fuel to the fire.

Yep, somehow we think that dumping our own fuel on the fire is helpful, but basic science teaching says that dumping fuel, only increases the fire.  I know you'll tell me you don't do this.  It is all those other people that do.  This is where I cringe and just let you continue to think that you don't do this.

I get it.  We are humans.  When we feel scared or threatened or attacked, we want to bring it on and let everyone know just what we think.  It does make sense.  However, don't you need to ask yourself if you're really helping the situation by responding the way you do?

As Oprah said the other day to Jimmy Kimmel, "You don't win by meeting any kind of negativity head-on."  There is much truth to this statement.

Everyone thinks they are right and so they engage.  They don't listen to what someone has to say.  It doesn't matter if you are on one side of the issue or another in this country.  No one listens to another because they have their minds made up.

When we continuously engage in this screaming and negativity, we're not helping anything.  Most of all, we're keeping our mind, body, and nervous system revved up, and that's not healthy.  It creates more stress.  Stress creates illness and health issues.  The end result is we end up hurting ourselves.

I'm not saying to crawl under a rock and hide, but you don't have to engage.  You can listen to someone say something that you don't agree with because maybe they have a point in there that you need to hear.  You can do what others don't do to you thereby modeling behavior that is more healthy and respectful.

Most of all, don't get in the middle of the mud pit and expect to come out looking any different than the other people.  Rise above it with love, understanding, and compassion.  Use your life to help teach and show others a different route through it.

Remember - you don't have to engage!

Thursday, March 22, 2018

Flowery Words Without Substance

Written by Don Shetterly
So many times I see online statements from people that are pretty, but that's where it ends.  It isn't online only either as the media and leaders and speakers of our day do the same thing.  Flowery words without substance are in abundance.

Is it wrong to use beautiful words, memes, and positive thoughts?  No, of course not.  We need them to add some spice to our lives.  However, without substance, they are not all that helpful.

Consider this tweet I wrote as I think it sums up what I am trying to say.

I find the thing that helps the most in a day is when we are real and authentic.  When we offer our hand of support to another, we're really adding to a day.  When we are vulnerable and share our life's experiences of what has helped us, we do far more than flowery words ever will do.

We fill up social media with happy thoughts while we often ignore and obliterate the pain that someone is feeling.  Our words become like unhinged swords that take out everything in their path.

Be down to earth.  Show others you really care by your words that come from deep within your consciousness and heart.  These days, the words tend to come out, but the actions and other moments mock what is being said.


We can do so much for others if we find grounding in our life, not what we are putting on display every day for the world to see.  Be part of the consciously connected help in a day, not just the mind-numbed repeats of what is done.

The world needs authentic people.  The world needs us to be down to earth.

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

That One Person That Gets Me

Written By Don Shetterly

I love being with that one person that just gets me.  

They are the ones that see past the faults I see in myself.

They are the ones that see potential in me when I see nothing.

When I'm with this person, it makes my life soar to greater heights.

It makes me want to be more than I am and all that I can be.

I love being with that one person that just gets me.

Thursday, March 8, 2018

Why Didn't I Publicly Expose The Child Molesters

Written By Don Shetterly
Many years ago, I knew an attorney that wanted to take the people who abused me to court.  He thought they should be held accountable and he worked hard to convince me to file a lawsuit.  The statute of limitations was not something I was aware of at the time, but it wouldn't have mattered.

Why didn't I publicly expose the child molesters?

First off, I didn't want to relieve everything I had been through.  I was working hard at coming to terms with it and all of its impacts on my life.  I was tired of dealing with it, thinking about it and talking to others about it.  It was controlling so much of my life through depression and anxiety and intense fear, that I wanted nothing to do with it.

Secondly, I knew that if I tried to come forward, I would be ridiculed and threatened.  I knew that they would turn my words on me as if I was lying.  I knew that they would turn everyone I knew against me and then some.  These were wicked and evil people that stopped at nothing to silence me.  Heck, they already had done most of this so it wouldn't have been new to me.  I just wanted it over.

Third, I was still coming to terms with what happened to me.  It wasn't like I could say everything out loud.  I was not at that point.  Much of it, I had not even realized was not normal that they did to me.  You can read my book if you want to know more on that subject.  When you grow up with this stuff, you don't know any different.  Filing a lawsuit to publicly expose the child molesters was difficult to fathom.  What was right and wrong?  What was normal or abnormal.  None of those things were clear to me.

Fourth, I had pieces of stories and memories but not the full account.  My brain was still trying to protect me.  After all, I almost lost my life in the conversion disorder, and so my brain was in super protection mode.  There were many holes in what I could remember.  As Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk says, our minds remember too much and too little.

The fifth reason why I didn't publicly expose the child molesters is that I wanted nothing to do with them.  I was trying to stay hidden from them for the threats that had been made against my life.  I had no desire to talk to them, see them or have any connection with them.  I wanted absolute disconnect with the child molesters.  It was not easy living this way, but for me to survive, I had to completely let them go.

It isn't easy!

It is easy for others that have not been through the circumstances you have been through to say this is what you should do or what you should not do.  It is easy for others to criticize and be the judge, jury, and executioner, but until you've walked through my experiences in life, you don't know what I've had to live with every day.

To come forward and share what happened to you means you have to deal with the shame of what you went through.  Even if you did nothing wrong, the child molester inflicts shame upon you.  It is a shame that eats you alive and sinks you into despair.  Coming forward to publicly expose the child molesters means you have to deal with all of this horror once again.  It is not easy.  It is not welcomed.

When I see the victims of child abuse or other abusive situations come forward and hear people rip them to shreds, I want to take a baseball bat to the loudmouths of our day.  It makes me angry.  Yes, I realize that some fake people that do this and they are no better than the child molesters.

It takes great courage to speak out.  It takes great courage to confront these monsters in your life because they consume you.  They push you into depression, anxiety, and suicide.  They rob your life completely.  There is nothing left for you when you decide to speak out publicly.

Another thing that happened to me and happens with many is the fear that is instilled in you.  I was told many things that would happen to me if I dared tell.  I saw my pets killed and shot at and beat.  I witnessed many things within the family that would make you know there was no idle threat.

Why didn't I publicly expose the child molesters you ask?  Well, look at what happens today when people start to speak up.  They are not believed.  They are ridiculed and berated and mutilated in public opinion.  It isn't easy to deal with that in private.  I can't imagine what it is like to deal with it in public especially when it wasn't by your choice to do this.

We should be standing in support of those who have been molested and abused, not as enemies of them.  We should be standing up for the rights of all children, not just the ones that fit our narrow-minded thinking.  Turning a blind eye to the issue of child abuse in a family or in your church or city or anything else should not be tolerated.  It should not be the norm.

If we don't take care of our children, who will?  If we spit on those that publicly expose child molesters and abusive people, what kind of society and human race are we?  We gasp at the headline child abuse stories, but we turn our heads to what happens in our own backyards.

We make sacrifices out of the victims while we protect the child molesters at all costs.  We are so messed up on this issue in our society on this issue.  There are far too many cases for us to point the fingers at others because so much of this goes on in our backyards and family dwellings.

Why didn't I publicly expose the child molesters you ask?  Isn't it obvious?  Just look at what happens in the news headlines and then ask that question again. Those that abused me as a child will never pay for their crimes.  They have prayed to Jesus for forgiveness and most likely are still doing what they always did.

One of the ones that abused me is at least in a VA hospital and most likely not a threat to children.  The other one, God only knows!  Hopefully, he is not still abusing kids in the church he goes to, but I have no way to find out.

Am I bitter and angry for what they did to me?  Yes!  The laws of Iowa don't protect me because of the statute of limitations.  So, I'm left to pick up the pieces of my life while the child molesters roam free accusing me of being brainwashed and spreading lies.

How just is that?  Unfortunately, it is the norm!

Blog Post And Images (c) 1/01/18 by Don Shetterly
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Monday, March 5, 2018

Taking Care Of Ourselves On Twitter

Written By Don Shetterly
One of the things that I think we forget to do is take care of ourselves on Twitter.  It is far too easy to get sucked into the social media unconscious world before we know it.

There is so much that I enjoy about Twitter including many of my followers.  I love great discussions by others on my follower list.  I love it when others share how they are coming through their own struggles.  The ones that strive to make a difference in the world get my utmost respect.

How can you take care of yourself on Twitter?

Follow The Right People

Yes, I know it isn't easy sometimes to know who the right people are too follow.  There's a lot of games played on Twitter and even trying to check out a profile and the tweets of someone, sometimes you just get fooled.  Be careful and when you see people crossing the line, kick them off.  When they really cross the line, that's when I report them.  Sorry, but when someone is bullying or abusing others and being disrespectful, they need a time-out!

Mute Words

You may not know it on Twitter, but one of the best features is the "muted words" function.  If you go up to you your profile picture, click on the "settings and privacy" menu item, you should see one in there that says "muted words."  All you have to do is start adding in the words you don't want to see.  It doesn't mean you stop following people.  You no longer have to look at those conversations which you don't want to see in your Twitter Feed.  It is a way of taking care of ourselves on Twitter especially when things trigger us.

As new words come up, I just add them to my list, and that is the last of that issue I have to worry about on Twitter.  I'm not trying to hide my head in the sand.  I just don't wish to see tweet after tweet all day long of stuff that gets far too overwhelming.

It's Not Our Circus

One of the best things we can do in taking care of ourselves on Twitter is to realize that not every issue is one we need to engage.  If we remind ourselves that it's not our circus, we can give ourselves permission to walk away from the tweet.  After all, sometimes you're better to walk away than engage and bring yourself down into the mud pit with everyone else.  I've written about rolling around in the mud pit with everyone else.  When you do that, no one can tell you apart from the ones you're fighting.  A mud pit makes both people look the same.

Put A Stop Watch On Your Twitter Time

One of the things with social media is that it can suck you into this world.  Before you realize it, the hours have passed by quickly.  There is something about this behavior that is almost unconscious, and it can consume your time.  Put a stopwatch on your Twitter time.  It helps us take care of ourselves on Twitter.  The world will exist if we are on Twitter or not.  The world will continue regardless of what we tweet or not.  We've traded in taking care of ourselves in life with spending far too much time on Twitter and social media.

Don't Be Part Of The Problem

I see a lot of tweets that come through where they make me scratch my head in disbelief.  Even people who claim to have love or are enlightened or have the answers.  Sometimes those people can be some of the worst offenders.  We often tend to respond on Twitter without thoroughly thinking.  Sometimes the words we say can inflict great harm on others unintentionally.  Of course, you can't always know that, and you can't always prevent this.  Everyone has their own triggers.  Just make sure you think before you type.  Respond with compassion and respect and love.  Before you respond, think about how you would react if someone said the same words to you.  Make sure you're not a part of the problem you despise because very often, we are.

Here's to taking care of ourselves on Twitter!

Taking care of ourselves on Twitter is essential.  I'm sure there are things I'm missing here and please leave a comment below on what ways work for you.  Let's help everyone by sharing what we do.  After all, we're in this social media world together.  

Follow me on Twitter, @MindBodyThought

Blog Post And Images (c) 3/04/18 by Don Shetterly
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