I'm Perplexed By People

By Don Shetterly

I'm perplexed by people.  So often, I hear people say they "care" or they "love" or they are "concerned" about you or someone else.  It all sounds heartfelt.  It feels like you could take those statements to the bank.

However, it doesn't take long before you start to see the cracks in the statements people make. You soon come to realize with much pain that the statements are nothing more than words.  There is no action to back them up.  There is no follow through.  They are just words that give the impression that people mean what they say.

I don't do this!

Of course, I'm sure most people would claim, I don't do this.  It is other people out there that do such things.  They make it convincible.  You want to believe them, but eventually, you learn that their words mean little.

It hurts when people do this because I try to take people at what they say.  I listen to them, and I try to believe that if they are saying they love me or care about me or are concerned, they mean it.  Yes, I know, it is easy to be fooled.

Meaningless Words

You can't just say these words and follow them up with inaction.  Speaking these phrases holds some responsibility.  Without truly showing that you care or love someone or are concerned, these words are meaningless.  They become weapons of pain inflicted upon others.

There are times that maybe it is best if you say nothing.  If you are not prepared to follow through, then don't throw your words around as if they have little value.  It cheapens you and the pain it inflicts upon others, cheapens them.

Don't be misled by the fact that you think everyone else does this because more than likely, you do not see yourself in a truth-filled way.  Yes, you might convince that you see things correctly, but it would serve humanity's best interest if you got a second opinion.

Let Us Be There For Others

After all, we are humans walking this earth plane together.  If we are truly there for others, it helps all of us.  If we inflict pain or stand opposed, we hurt the totality of humanity.  Let's be for helping others and truly being there for them, not only in our words but in our actions.

Flowery Words Without Substance

Written by Don Shetterly

So many times I see online statements from people that are pretty, but that's where it ends.  It isn't online only either as the media and leaders and speakers of our day do the same thing.  Flowery words without substance are in abundance.

Is it wrong to use beautiful words, memes, and positive thoughts?  No, of course not.  We need them to add some spice to our lives.  However, without substance, they are not all that helpful.

Consider this tweet I wrote as I think it sums up what I am trying to say.

Just be down to earth on what you say online. Flowery words that say nothing do very little for anyone. They may sound pretty but often they are void of real substance. #MindBodyThoughts

— Don Shetterly (@mindbodythought) February 23, 2018

I find the thing that helps the most in a day is when we are real and authentic.  When we offer our hand of support to another, we're really adding to a day.  When we are vulnerable and share our life's experiences of what has helped us, we do far more than flowery words ever will do.

We fill up social media with happy thoughts while we often ignore and obliterate the pain that someone is feeling.  Our words become like unhinged swords that take out everything in their path.

Be down to earth.  Show others you really care by your words that come from deep within your consciousness and heart.  These days, the words tend to come out, but the actions and other moments mock what is being said.

We can do so much for others if we find grounding in our life, not what we are putting on display every day for the world to see.  Be part of the consciously connected help in a day, not just the mind-numbed repeats of what is done.

The world needs authentic people.  The world needs us to be down to earth.

If You Care - Show It

Written By Don Shetterly

Don't just state the word, I care and stop there!  If you care, show it!

I get so frustrated by people who say they care and want to be involved in your life, but their actions are a million miles from that point.

Yes, I know that I've got issues with this, but some people don't seem to put things together in the brain.  I'd just rather not hear the words come out of their mouth.  Then I would have no expectations that they care.  I'd be pleasantly surprised than let down.

See, that's the thing!  If you tell someone something and then don't follow through, it is one big let down.  If you honor what you say then you enrich your life and theirs.

I find it very offensive and disrespectful to hammer into someone's mind that you care and then you fail to show it.  If you care, show it!  It is that simple.

We've got too much hyperbole in this world today with screaming matches going on with other people.  We don't need more inauthenticity.  We don't need more words spoken.  What this world needs is people who are genuine and authentic and do what they say they will do.

It really hurts when you're treated this way.  The pain inflicts a million stabs into the heart.  May we all learn the basics of what being human is about because the world needs that more than ever.  We have gone too far the other way in this civilization.

So, if you care - SHOW IT!

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Blog Post And Images (c) 01/1/18 by Don Shetterly

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Dental Anxiety and Teeth Brushing

Written By Don Shetterly

I've got a feeling I'm not the only one out there struggling with this issue.  In fact, I know others that have admitted this to me.  If you've followed me for some time, you've probably seen that I struggle with dental anxiety.

Now, I'm not just talking about being a little afraid of going to the dentist.  I'm referring to full on anxiety attacks in just making an appointment.  For me to pick up the phone, that's when the anxiety at full speed.  Getting into the dentist office is nothing short of running 20 marathons in a single minute.

One of the things I truly struggle with is anytime anyone puts anything in my mouth like the dentist.  I freak out.  I freeze.  My body literally goes into such a fear response that it becomes very rigid.  I'm so frustrated with this and I put off much needed work until it got so bad I had not choice but to go in and struggle with my fears.

A dentist I've found close to me is very good about working with me.  I do use some medication to help me get in the door and I have a trusted friend with me at all times.  In fact, my friend is the one that makes the appointments and handles anything over the phone on this, because I just can't bring myself to do this part.

One of the things I've noticed in myself about dental anxiety is how difficult it is to brush my teeth.  I grew up doing this every day, but when the memories of abuse triggered me so much, it was an all out battle to get myself to brush my teeth.

Now, I have noticed that just to insert the toothbrush into my mouth is triggering beyond any words I could write here.  Of course, this compounds the problem.  I'm pushing myself to brush my teeth now, but it feels like I'm being abused and molested every time I do.

I just want people to be aware of this, especially dentists.  Some of us struggle so hard and while we try to trust the professionals, it is not easy.  As I said, it feels like I'm being abused and molested every time I go for a dentist appointment.  My dentist is great and works with me, but no matter what, I feel that trigger.  My body feels it.  My body reacts to it.

Even writing about this is difficult and I can feel the anxiety and heat rise within me.  It is not a simple trigger to me.  I'd so love to get beyond it and be able to go to the dentist office like normal people do.  I hate this part about life because it is exhausting and overwhelming.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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Open Your Mouth and Remove All Doubt

(Written By Don Shetterly)

Some days I wonder about people.  I really do.  I try to see people as a body that has a pure center of light and love within them.  Some people challenge me hard on that, and while I try to let it go, it gets to me.

I offered support to some people the other day, and of course got one of the "unconscious" statements, wanting to wave a magic wand.  We've all seen that.  We've seen the ridiculous comments that do nothing to help support others.

A long time ago, I learned that sometimes you can be silent and make people wonder, or you can open your mouth and remove all doubt.  In social media, we often open our mouths when maybe we shouldn't, and by doing so, we remove all doubt.

We should help one another...

We are humans!  We should be helping one another to survive on this challenging planet we call home.  We should be working to evolve our own consciousness so that we can be there for others.  Everyone needs everyone because life can be difficult in the best of the time and downright be exhausting at other times.

Yes, I know that there are a lot of wounded people walking this planet.  These wounded people are the vocal ones telling everyone else what they should do while forgetting that they need to heal themselves.  Yes, I understand that is asking a lot, but when the "you should do this" comes out, you're really not helping anyone.

People need someone to listen and be there for them.  They need people who have walked through the fires of their own lives so they can help them go through it on their own.  We need people who genuinely know what support is, where you can see it as evidence through their actions and words.

Just to open your mouth unconsciously does no good.  In fact, you often inflict further wounds upon people.  You make it harder for them.  They are already struggling to hang on, but with some of the things that get said, it is like you're pushing them over the cliff.

When we open our mouths, let us make sure we are helping someone from the heart.  Let us not be the person that removes all doubt and leaves people struggling harder than before we came along in their path.  Let's be people that help each other and leave others in a better place than before we opened our mouths.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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A Simple Touch Can Change So Much

If you read my blog post from yesterday on "Traumatized By Seizures", you will understand more of what I am writing today.  All too often we are just not fully connected to life, and we fail to see that a simple touch can change so much.

I'm sure we would all agree that healthy touch is good, but why is it we live in a society where touch is not honored and celebrated?  If it were, everyone would be having weekly massages and sharing hugs with one another.  Yes, I know there are some that do this, but it is more the exception than the norm.

When I went through the seizures of Conversion Disorder, I was so frightened and I felt so alone.  Yes, people were there with me, but deep inside I wanted someone to help comfort me.  I wanted to feel supported.  I wanted to know I wasn't going through this alone.

Yet, no one touched me.   No one supported me.  Everyone just stared at me through their own frightened eyes.

I have now realized that just a simple touch is what I needed.  That simple touch could have changed so much in me.  My eyes fill up with tears as I think of how alone I felt in those moments.

If you want to inflict further pain and trauma on someone, just withhold touch in a moment like this.  If you want to change someone's life, use a simple touch and see what happens.

Touch doesn't have to be extravagant and skilled.  All you need is touch that says, "I care about you or I love you."  It can be as simple as laying your hand on someone's shoulder or touching their arm.  It can be as simple as lightly caressing their arm or back, or even holding on to their hand with strength and courage.

A simple touch just requires that you show up, not to manipulate or cause anything to happen, but just to be there in that moment without judgment or preconceived ideas of what should happen.  Touch can be so light, but with your presence and your heart, you can affect so much in another person.  It can be most powerful when you are just holding the space for someone.

We can see what anger and hatred and a lack of healthy simple touch is doing to our world.  We have the power to change that.  We don't have to wait or depend upon anyone else to do it for us.

For a long time though, I was so afraid of simple touch because of how badly my body was beaten, abused, and traumatized as a small child.  It took me a lot of hard work to accept touch and to accept a hug.  If you're in doubt, ask permission from someone before hugging and touching.  In that small act of asking them permission, you might just be helping them to take major leaps in healing.

Regardless, let's get away from being afraid of touching others and allowing ourselves to be touched.  Massage, in the professional sense, is about healthy touch, and the human body really needs that.

Let's make the world a better place by realizing that a simple touch can change so much in the life of another person.  Let's not forget it can also change OUR lives in big ways.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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Do You Really Care?

I see this far too many times and all I can do is scratch my head in disbelief.  I see and hear people say, "I care" and yet their actions don't match their words.

So, do you really care?  Is it just words or do you follow through.  Sorry, for the bluntness and harshness of this subject, but I'm really trying to get everyone's attention.  I'm trying to really put this in everyone's face, because it happens far too often.  It happens to the ones that say, "Yes I care".

How many times have you seen people in a tragedy or death event tell others, "let me know if there is anything you need".  Most of the time, if someone needs something, the ones saying this have a million things to do.  It was a nice thing for them to say in the hour of need, but if words don't match the actions, why are you saying it?

How many times have you seen people say, "I am there for you" or "I support you" and yet, when the going gets tough, there is no one to be found.  Yes, there's a few people that will follow through, but to most it seems like it is a string of words, rather than something they really mean.

What about the times when people say "we care" and yet, they avoid you and hide every time you try to get in contact with them?  Do they really care?  Or is it just a feel good thought by them to placate themselves to go along about their lives and not give it anymore thought.

Maybe it is because we're too "busy" following the latest political rants or what is happening in the latest reality show.  Maybe it is because were too busy staying busy that we don't stop to take time out for those that supposedly matter in our lives.  Maybe it is because we have our own personal agenda and if someone doesn't fit those confines, we're not going to give them the time of day.

Heck, it could be because we're so busy at being overwhelmed by social media and the latest news gossip of the day, that nothing else matters.  We're so caught up in life that we don't have capacity for anything else.

I honestly struggle with this because I see people make "supportive comments", but yet they treat the person as if they don't exist.  They treat them as if they are a bother, rather than someone that they care about.  It might be unintentional, but we really need to wake up.  We're hurting one another badly with this practice.

Let's make our words count.  Let's make our actions match our words.  If we truly don't mean what we say, then let's not make it appear that we do.

Sometimes people are banking on what you say to them.  Sometimes, it is more than mere words in that moment.  There are times people really need for you to reach out to them, rather than just avoiding and acting as if they don't exist.  It may be their lifeline back to reality in that moment.

When we say things we don't mean, it holds our integrity suspect.  We become that clanging symbol in the world that just makes noise, but not much else.  Put your heart in action before you put your words in action and you'll help improve the world in ways you can't imagine.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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Nobody Listens In This World

As my mom used to say to me, "we have two ears and one mouth - use them appropriately."  Yet, these days, we seem to act as if we have two mouths and one ear.  We talk more than we listen.  Listening is a part of our society that is vanishing.  Nobody listens in this world.

We are in a society that thinks everyone has to scream and rant and rave all day and every day about the latest headlines.  We're not in listening mode - we're in speaking mode.  If you observe and watch closely, you will see that no one is truly listening to each other.

I often watch little kids in public places just trying to get the attention of their parents.  They just want them to care and show that they are listening to them.  Far too often, I see the parents texting someone or glued to their phone and the poor child is feeling very neglected.

On social media, everyone wants to tell everyone what they should do it seems or how they should think.  Everyone thinks that everybody else wants to read the regurgitated rhetoric over and over throughout the day.  This not listening at all.  It is people speaking far too much and in many ways, not adding anything to our world.

Be a friend and listen...

Often people just need someone to listen.  They don't need them to formulate some meme or happy thought.  They don't need them to tell them what to do or how to think or what to say.  They just need someone to be a friend and listen.

Listening can be so healing and helpful.  It can give courage and strength to those who are struggling in difficult times.  Listening can open up a compassionate heart by removing pain that is too difficult to bear.

Listening can give courage and strength to those who may be struggling to hold on in their day.  Just the act of listening says I care and sometimes that is more than enough.

We all take listening for granted, but in communication - it is a very powerful tool.  Without listening, the words spoken between one another would have no place to land.  Without listening, we'd never understand another's point of view or their thoughts or emotions or ideas.

Listening is so important.  Let us all try to remember that we have two ears and one mouth like my mother used to say.  If we use it in that proportion, than we should be listening more than we are speaking?  How's that going in your life?

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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People Say They Care

They say it!  They proclaim it!  That is, people say they care.  They tell people how much they care and that they will always be there for others.  Unfortunately, most of the time, this is no more true than a snake wanting to make friends with you through a snake bite.

I know, there are some that actually do care.  They actually practice what they preach and do what they say.  Unfortunately they are few and far between in our day.  There is just too much lip service.

My father loved to pound his chest and say, "you're family will always stand beside you no matter what!"  Well guess what, that was a big pile of horse manure. (No offense to horses everywhere for that statement).  They were just like the ones that say they care.  It was all lip service.

I'm so tired of seeing how many people say one thing, but practice another.  We have all kinds of friends on social media and we can connect with one another in a moments notice, but in all honesty it is a facade.

We can howl about the latest political moment or scream about the injustices all around us and that becomes our mantra of affirmation. Yet, we can't even take the time to truly show others that we care.  We are too busy running from one news story to the next, one tragedy to another, or one escape of zombies to another.

If something happened in the world tomorrow that brought everything to a standstill, I don't think most people would even remember how to be there for one another.  The only thing they would be screaming for is the next political circus or news story.

Being human and caring for one another would not even rank on the "care and concern" meter.  It would show the empty words we practice.  It would show just how fake we are as a society.

It is time to put down the computer and smart phone.  It is time to quit chasing after false reality glimpses of zombies and TV.  It is time to stop coming up with more woo woo and religious fanaticism.

I'm afraid if we don't start learning to care about one another, we're going to all fall off the cliff and not even see it is coming.  Hopefully we will wake up before that day comes.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

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