Are You Fake?

These days I'm beginning to wonder more and more about people online.  I'm sorry, but it is true.  Too many who are fake, but throw up the positive thoughts as if they are the sole answer to the universe.

If you post anything real, you get responses of fake positivity that really does little but leaves the recipient feeling empty and hoodwinked.  You might think your words are somehow magical, but if they are not authentic, then they have become the noisy cymbal in the band.

For some reason, people think they have to respond with some wisdom when maybe the person just needs to be heard.  Unfortunately these days, we don't know how to listen.  We only know how to force our views and opinions on others.

You can see this in all walks of life and different places but in reality, the fake part of who we are as humans begin within us.  We're the ones that perpetuate what we so often scream and rant about in life.

Being authentic and honest is what makes a difference.  Listening without judgment and I mean truly listening without judgment is so rare these days.  I see very few people that do this, and I can count them on one hand.

Are you fake?  I'm sure you would quickly answer with NO!  However, I'm guessing without knowing you that this may not be the whole story.

It is something to ponder and consider because I believe each one of us shows a fake side every day and if we don't think we do, then we are fooling ourselves.  In my view, the trick is to recognize it and see how authentic we can be.

Authenticity and vulnerability are the essences of human interaction.

Flowery Words Without Substance

Written by Don Shetterly

So many times I see online statements from people that are pretty, but that's where it ends.  It isn't online only either as the media and leaders and speakers of our day do the same thing.  Flowery words without substance are in abundance.

Is it wrong to use beautiful words, memes, and positive thoughts?  No, of course not.  We need them to add some spice to our lives.  However, without substance, they are not all that helpful.

Consider this tweet I wrote as I think it sums up what I am trying to say.

Just be down to earth on what you say online. Flowery words that say nothing do very little for anyone. They may sound pretty but often they are void of real substance. #MindBodyThoughts

— Don Shetterly (@mindbodythought) February 23, 2018

I find the thing that helps the most in a day is when we are real and authentic.  When we offer our hand of support to another, we're really adding to a day.  When we are vulnerable and share our life's experiences of what has helped us, we do far more than flowery words ever will do.

We fill up social media with happy thoughts while we often ignore and obliterate the pain that someone is feeling.  Our words become like unhinged swords that take out everything in their path.

Be down to earth.  Show others you really care by your words that come from deep within your consciousness and heart.  These days, the words tend to come out, but the actions and other moments mock what is being said.

We can do so much for others if we find grounding in our life, not what we are putting on display every day for the world to see.  Be part of the consciously connected help in a day, not just the mind-numbed repeats of what is done.

The world needs authentic people.  The world needs us to be down to earth.

Fake Care For Others

Written By Don Shetterly

One of the things I've seen lately just blows my mind to pieces about humanity.  I call it "fake care for others."   Maybe I'm too harsh.  Perhaps I'm expecting too much.  Unfortunately, I think you are either human or you're not.

I've had so many people email, text, or message me before the hurricane.  Many of them I had not heard from in months or years.  It got so hectic right before the storm hit that I could barely keep up.  I thought, wow - it is nice that they care and they wrote me.

Unfortunately, I had some that got so frantic about the storm that even as I was trying to stay strong and brave, I started to worry.  I was trying to prepare for its arrival, but the frantic messages were making things much more challenging.

Then as quickly as the media spun the storm into devastation for all (and no, I'm not downplaying its impact), the comments and care and concern faded almost in an instant.  It seemed almost like a fake care for myself and others.  If it isn't sensationalized drama playing out, then it doesn't exist.

This is not how humans should behave.  Either you genuinely care for others, or you don't.  You don't act like you do when you're worried, but allow the fakeness to show through when things are real.  You find ways to help encourage and support, not let your frantic worries pull others down.

I had to stop reading the messages and emails and texts because it was more than I could handle.  Not knowing what the storm would do or how bad it would get was enough to handle.  Not knowing if the house would be standing after it was more stress than I could take.  Hearing the winds howl and the tornadoes hover around was frightening.

Of course, just as quickly as the supportive comments came before the storm, there was no follow up afterwards.  There was no time given to what we were facing.  If there was, I had to convince people that without power, I couldn't respond much.  I had to convince people that with weak cell service, it was draining our batteries and making communication difficult.

I tried to respond to everyone, but many just wrote me off.  I guess the media spin on the storm must have been dying out.

It makes me sad to see how we treat one another as humans.  I don't want to see photo ops and grandstanding after a storm.  It does nothing for me because, in the days following, you're trying to pick up the pieces and survive.

Sitting in 90 plus degree afternoons with humidity at more than 80% and hardly any air moving outside is excruciatingly difficult.  Trying to sleep in it is almost a futile exercise.  Not knowing when you're going to get power back is frustrating.  Each day you're without electricity feels like a year that you've sat there without the everyday basics we are so accustomed to in life.

We need to have a genuine care for others.  We need to learn how to respect and support one another, not interject our own fears on others fighting through an experience that makes their feet and legs tremble.

Fake care for others helps no one.  It is like forcing them to take the knife and inflict more pain upon themselves.  Maybe if you've not been through any storm like a hurricane, you have no idea what it is like.

However, don't be "fake" about it.  Try to be supporting and caring and understanding.  Fake care gets you nowhere.  Genuine care and support help keep the world moving along.

Please don't think I'm saying that all my friends and contacts did this.  Most of the ones that did were people I rarely hear from these days, or organizations that only seemed to care because of where I lived.  To the people that were supportive, I say thank you.  It was a rough experience.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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My Issues And Your Issues

Written By Don Shetterly

As I get older, I am beginning to see things differently in life.  I guess that's part of the maturing process because what once seemed to be important has shifted.  I see things differently.  I understand things differently than I once did.


Through these changes, I'm seeing that everyone has strengths and weaknesses, good and bad.  We've got moments where we triumph in our life, and we shine with all our strengths, abilities and talents.  However, we've got the other side.

There are the issues we struggle with and the weaknesses we harbor within ourselves.  Sometimes these flaws and shortcomings are on display for the whole world to see.  At other times, we hide them from anyone outside of where they exist.

I've learned that I can be vulnerable with people close to me and it is okay.  Being vulnerable is not easy for me, and I really thank Brene Brown for what she has taught on this subject.  Sometimes I just don't want anyone to think I'm what I think I am inside, even though my view may be distorted.

In many ways, I think we are all like that to some degree with some more so than other people.  There are some that completely distort how the world and those close them see their lives.

I was good at hiding things...

In fact, at one time before I went through paralysis and Conversion Disorder, everyone around me thought I had the world together and I was happy all the time.  I was good at hiding things back then.

I remember my mom going to work and she could be as sick as one could be, but no one would see it.  I learned so much from her how to hide my true self from the world.  Yet, at the same time, it meant I kept myself from interacting with the world and possibility and joy.

One thing I have noticed is that we tend to see ourselves in a more perfect light when we try to impress everyone around us.  We don't want everyone to see our flaws.  We hide it and distort it and paint the picture of what we want them to see.  Sometimes there are moments where this may be needed.

Yet, deep inside we sometimes feel fragile and damaged and not having much skill, talent, or good to our lives.  Even when others see how much we offer, we sometimes cannot see this in ourselves, and so we hold the "frail" image of ourselves as the measurement of all that exists in life.

We insulate ourselves...

If we go too far with hiding ourselves from the world and not allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, we tend to go around lashing out at others.  We join the bandwagon with the rest of the folks tearing others down, hurling hateful insults against one another and highlighting their issues.  It is the way we hide from ourselves because if we put the spotlight on others, we insulate our true self.

Social media gives us a high speed interstate to point out the issues of others and focus on the distorted view we see within ourselves.  It is one of the negatives of social media that sometimes really frustrates me.  Of course, it is our choice how we interact with it personally, but I hope that we can move in the direction where we use it for positive change, not hate and insults and unconsciousness.

All of us have our issues.  We were born with them, and we picked some of them up along the way through our families, schools, communities, and circle of people we know.  It is okay to have issues, but hopefully, we learn from them while recognizing that instead of pointing out the issues of everyone else, we can do much more by working on our own.

I keep challenging myself to be more and learn more about my life.  I don't want those days pre-Conversion Disorder when I showed that everything was fine to the world and I was in a hundred kinds of pain.

Being real and authentic and working to improve our lives each day - that's the ticket to becoming more and learning from our issues.

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• Twitter:  @MindBodyThought

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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Forked Tongues and Authenticity

I grew up in a home where we were told one thing and yet witnessed something totally different by that individual.  It was commonplace for people to speak with forked tongue.

Often these same people that railed against doublespeak were the ones that did it the most.  There was no authenticity, even though they believed that they were authentic.  They felt that what they told others was what mattered, not what they practiced in their own life.

I see this playing out in almost every minute of our day.  Whether it is in politics, on the TV, or online, I hardly see "authenticity" showing up.  Yes, everyone thinks that it is the other person that does this, not them.  How foolish we are!

Like Judge Judy, I'm one of those people that can spot a liar a million miles away (or should I say someone that is not authentic.)  It takes me a split second.  Okay, maybe liar is a little too strong of a word here, but if your words don't match up with what I know about you or if they don't match up with your body language, I'm rolling my eyes.

The online inauthentic people...

Even when it comes to online, I can generally spot the "inauthentic" people quickly and I become wary of anything they say.  They often rail against certain things in life and those same things consume everything they share on social media.  Yet, they often do the very things they despise.

I quit watching the news years ago because it is nowhere near authentic.  I don't understand why anyone watches it these days and I mean "ANY" news.  Everyone goes to their corner of what they believe is true and the news media backs it up.  It isn't necessarily one side or the other on most issues.  It happens on both sides.  There is no authenticity in it whatsoever because it is so often for entertainment purposes.

Inauthentic Marketing...

Let's not forget the ones that equate marketing with spamming, trying to get you to buy their stuff even if it doesn't pass the sniff test.  Marketing these days has become a barrage of waste material constantly thrown at us.  It is not about what the person needs.  It is more about just shoving it down everyone's throat.  There is no authenticity in marketing these days.  It is cloaked in the forked tongue.

There are so many ways we speak with forked tongues but if you try to point that out, no one wants to truly listen.  If they listen, they don't always want to change.  We'd rather point the fingers at others than go in and do what we need to do to help make ourselves human.

I think that if you are authentic, it will show through.  You don't have to grandstand and prove to others you are authentic.  You just need to live your life through authenticity.  When you no longer speak with forked tongue, people will know they can trust what you say.  Whether that is online or in politics or the media and marketing, people will know it when they hear it.

I realize we live in a fake reality these days, but if we don't start turning the ship around and learning how to be human by being authentic, we're going to hit the iceberg and sink.  It isn't up to anyone else to do what needs to be done.  It is up to each one of us individually to take stock of our own life and make the changes necessary for the survival of this planet and our species.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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I Connect With Love

It is too easy these days to lock love up in the closet and say, "we will let you out when we are ready".  It seems that way in our society and in the world.  We need love so badly these days, but by shoving it into a deep dark cave, we're starving the world of so much.

I strive to connect with love, but sometimes as much as I hope to do this, I still fail.  Sometimes I see the faults in others.  Sometimes I think others should be this way or that way.

Sometimes I scream out in frustration at how I see the inhabitants of the world behaving.  Sometimes it is hard for me to connect with love.

If I catch myself, I take a step back and try to open my eyes further.  I try to see that which I am not seeing in others.  I try to see where it attaches to me in the things I get worked up about in my day.  For I know that if I am seeing the things I dislike in others, there is something about myself that I am not seeing clearly. 

When I connect with love, it is not about seeing the faults of another.  It is not about judging what they do or say or how they act.  It is not highlighting deficiencies my ego may see in another.  It is about accepting the person as they are in that moment.

It is not easy to do this...

I'll agree with what you may be thinking.  It is not easy to do this.  As many times as I succeed, I fall flat on my face.  Of course, I say this if I am only being truly honest with myself.  The rest of the time, it is just too easy to portray to others that I've got it all together when in reality, I'm just another human learning to walk the face of this earth.

Being real and authentic in how I connect with love is by far the greatest gift I can give humanity and the world.  Without unconditional, no-strings-attached love, we're only torturing ourselves and the rest of humanity.  The more we puff our ego up and hold ourselves to be something we are not, the more we will trip over the stones in our own path.

Love is not about announcing to the world just how enlightened you are or how much you love others.  Love is truly an action that is readily seen by all other inhabitants.  Words are not necessary to truly see love in action.

I wish everyone could connect with love more, but I cannot control the actions of others.  I can only control that which I put into the world and give to myself.  I can only control how I connect with love.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Hate Disguised As Love

Hate disguised as love is still hate.

Far too many times in a day, I see people act and state they love and accept everyone.  However, their actions and social media postings do not back up what they say and do as proof.  We can say we love others, but when we portray the actions of hate out into the world, we're decimating our statements of love.  Love is more than just saying that you love others.  Love is truly showing it through our actions and our lives.  It becomes who we are, not what we preach we are.  Let us not preach love unless we are willing to show love through our actions from deep within our hearts.  Be authentic with your statements of love.  The world will notice.

Other #MindBodyThoughts

Can You Be Authentic And Positive?

I see a lot of people preach happy thoughts.  Now I'm going to qualify that and say there is nothing wrong with happy thoughts.  However, here's the big "but" of this concept.  Can you be authentic and positive?

No, I'm not saying do you think you are authentic when you show your happy face and positive life to the world.  I'm asking if you are truly authentic.  Before you answer, "well of course I am," let me make a request.  Read through this entire post.

You see, I've got personal experience with this.  Growing up, my life was one miserable crap day after another.  I was beaten, molested, mind controlled and brainwashed on a daily basis from the time I was a baby until I went to college.  It was nothing easy that I went through.  It was pretty darn intense and I still to this day wonder how I survived.

The good thing is that I did survive and heal so much in my life up to this point, including Conversion Disorder.

But, here's the kicker...

Everyone that knew me thought I was one of the happiest-go-lucky kids there was.  I was always smiling.  I was always positive.  I never shared any of what was happening in my life because if I did, that could mean the ultimate ending punishment. 

No one thought I had a care in the world.  They thought things came easy to me.  Many were jealous.  Yet, they didn't see within the doors to my life.  They didn't know I was being horrendously abused every day.  I kept that in.  The smile is all they saw.

Sure, many don't like to hear the gory details of what I have went through.  In fact, most have never heard the whole story because I doubt many people could get through the first page of what I went through.  It is just too much and too intense for most.  You lose people quickly when they read or hear it.

Yes, I see through them...

The first thing I usually get though when I share stuff, is they look to some meme or happy thought or feel good practice.  Their uncomfortable - I get that.  Yet, most of the time it doesn't do much for me other than just know it was too much for them.  I see through the words that are spoken and written.  Yes, I see through them.

When I came out of the hospital from being paralyzed and going through the Conversion Disorder (and almost losing my life), my friends were shocked when they found out.  I still remember them saying, "you - you're the one out of our close group that had it all together it seemed".  Yep, I was pretty good and fooling everyone in life including myself.

I was living a lie...

I was positive, but at the expense of my own life.  I was on my last breaths in the hospital.  They were trying to bring me back to life.  The positive almost took me under.  Yet, I was not being authentic.  I was living a lie.

Most people I have ever seen live in numbness.  The numbness takes away their authenticity.  No, I'm not saying what most people do is necessarily wrong, they just haven't found the way out.  The positive "SOMETIMES" can cover up the pain inside.  Sometimes it is a way of standing strong in spite of all that has happened to them.  I get it.  I've been there.

It is when you decide to make a different choice and learn how to be authentic that your life changes.  Awareness has fertile grounds to grow and the more aware you become, the more conscious you are.  It is a choice.  We make it every day whether we realize it or not.

Being positive can help...

Yes, you can be positive and yes, it can be a very good thing.  In fact, being positive can really help you through some of those rough and difficult moments.  Just don't stay in the numbness where the positive acts as a wall between you and your authentic self.  We as humans and trauma abuse survivors are pretty good at covering up things by any and all means necessary. It's called trying to deal with the stuff that happened when it is anything but normal.

If you tell me that you are positive and authentic, I'll probably roll my eyes a little.  The reason is - it is a daily process and if you think you've reached the ultimate point, open your eyes and look a little further.  You'll see there is much more than this one moment you've achieved.

I'm pushing and challenging...

Yes, I'm pushing and challenging with these words, but it is the number one social media pain killer that I see.  Everything has to be so positive that people give up their authenticity.  People suffering need to know you understand what it means to walk through the fire with them, not that you will just try to turn the fire hose on the ashes.

So, are you positive and authentic or is your positiveness masking and numbing pain you wish to not see.  It is okay either way because it is the choice you're making in the moment.  Just don't let that choice stop your further development, awareness and healing.  There's more out there.  Keep grasping and reaching for it!  See if there are other choices that you can make.  Explore them!

Yes, it is possible to be positive and authentic, but...  I think we often live the illusion that we are.  We need more authentic people in this world.  We need those that have truly woken up, not just reciting the rhetoric in social media.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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I Choose To Ignore

There is far too much going on in this world to worry about it all.  If you're not careful, you become wrapped up in other people's negativity and toxicity.  It will render you into a crying mess of an existence.

I choose to ignore it.  It is the best thing I can do for my own sanity.  Engaging with people that have no desire but to destroy themselves and others does absolutely no good for me.  It is unhealthy and if I'm not careful, it attempts to suck me down into the mud pit they are in.

I choose to ignore some of the most hateful comments and tweets and shares that I see.  For some are not up to the goal of being human.

I choose to ignore the ones that just try to bait you to get a rise out of you with their hurtful statements, thoughts, and language.

I choose to ignore the memes that provoke your compassionate side because someone needs attention and they get it by playing on your sensitivities.

I choose to ignore the people who think they are the experts and instead of being authentic, they show their own ignorance with a half-baked idea and plan.

I choose to ignore those that only see one side of an issue, not because they haven't seen more, but they choose to not see more.  Only one side is all they wish to see.

I choose to ignore those that seem to want to hurt others and that it is okay with them in how they do this.  They may think it is okay, but it does nothing to help a fellow traveler along in this world.

I choose to ignore being ignored by others because their life is too busy or they don't care or they just don't value my time as an individual.

I choose to ignore the hatred, the mean-spirited and the grandstanding in this world because it serves no purpose and the more I give it a container to grow in, the more I'm a part of its growth.

I choose to ignore the single focused obsession with only one view in life.  I know there is so much more and so it serves no benefit to me.

I choose to ignore the one side pitted against the other because instead of helping one another, we stand opposed which ultimately weakens all of us.

I choose to ignore those that preach love and acceptance and respect, but then go out and do just the opposite through their own words, actions, and thoughts.

I choose to ignore those that just try to get attention in any way possible and by doing so, they disrespect all those that need a little extra in a day.

At this moment, I'm not willing to engage with people in many of these things.  If someone is truly wanting to engage and try to understand, then I will be there with bells on.  However, I see far too much disrespect and hatred these days that I have no desire to be a part of in my life.

I see far too much fear and if fear is not harnessed and learned from, it becomes a poison that spreads to every member of society and every cell of the body.  When fear rules, we lessen the overall human experience and we degrade awareness and consciousness down into a nutrient-less bubble.

May we rise above and may we see more than the world we currently see.  We've got to be better than this as humans.  We've got to be better than this as a world.  For if we continue to stand opposed, we will never be able to stand up against the things that life brings into our view.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Sometimes I Weep For People

Nope, this isn't a happy post, but it is what is on my heart.  Sometimes to make sense of things or attempt to grab on to the last rung of the ladder, I write what is on my mind.

Maybe this is not always what everyone wants to read or hear, but it is how I've written this blog for the past several years.  I share deeply from my heart and my own vulnerability.

Sometimes I weep for people.  Lately, that's been much of the time.  I see so much and I cannot for the life of me understand why humans do what they do to one another.  Here's some of the examples I've witnessed that grind my heart up to not end.

Examples:

1. Example 1:  We care and we're here for you, but please enjoy our silence as that is about as far as it goes.  I know people mean well, but their actions don't match their words.  I stand in confusion wondering if it is something I did or they are just too busy or they just don't realize what their words mean.  Maybe it is something else, but it is far too complicated for me to understand.
2. Example 2:  I only will communicate with you if you believe the way I do or talk the way I think you should or follow what I think you should do in your own life.  Of course, they don't come right out and say this but they practice it diligently.  I am at a loss with words and understanding how I have to believe or say things or act according to how others view life.  It just doesn't make sense and unfortunately it happens far too often.
3. Example 3:  I am one-sided in my viewpoints.  I can't accept your point of view because it is wrong.  I will label you and call you names to prove my point and just constantly say that I know what is best and your stupid.  I'll do this in horrific ways so that you really feel as low as you can feel.  After all, I'm right and you're wrong.  I just tend to walk away from these people because I have no desire to fight with someone that is intent on not listening to anything I say.
4. Example 4:  Let me show you how wrong you are and I will do it constantly every moment of the day.  Whether it is social media or a blog or talking to people, boy - just let me show you how wrong you are.  It is my responsibility to show ignorance to those who practice is how this type of behavior goes for people in this example.  There's no one else in their minds that holds any truth, but them.  I'm so saddened when I see this happening at a frequency my mind cannot even begin to comprehend.
5. Example 5:  They've got a one track mind - yes I do, states the ones that do this.  Nothing else matters but their single focused issue or belief or viewpoint.  It is all or nothing.  It is frequent and in your face.  If you don't fully accept their premise and think and talk about whatever the subject is 100% of the time, there's something wrong with you in their eyes.  It is their way or the highway!

All of these things and more are practiced every day by those who don't think they do any of this.  Some are pretty convincing that they are normal and everyone else is wrong.

These things hurt the fabric of our society. It hurts us being human to one another.  It makes us into enemies, rather than fellow travelers on this earth.

No, none of us is perfect and we all make mistakes.  Let's just not go embrace them as the norm while we degrade, tear down and rip apart other people.  It makes me weep for people.  It really does. My heart hurts when I see this behavior.

Respect for one another starts when you stop labeling others and calling them names.  Respect for one another starts when you stop to listen and love another without trying to convince them your way is correct or you know what is best for them.

There is so much noise in our day and if we fail to listen, but keep screaming our point of view - we're only adding to the noise.  We're not doing anyone any good.

If you've not done any of these things ever in your life, then my hat is off to you.  Please write a book and share with the rest of the world how this is done because it is badly needed.  Unfortunately, I think we've all crossed the line a few times and right now in our world, the majority of people are truly crossing the line.

Let's not take our deficiencies we see in ourselves out on everyone else.  It isn't their fault that we haven't healed a part of our life or progressed past the thought processes and beliefs we were taught.  Yes, we don't like to admit we do any of this, but it only takes a few minutes to observe it in action just about anywhere you go.

Let's celebrate others and share with one another what we've learned and what we've experienced.  It helps us find our own footing on this treacherous path that is called life.  We need each other to make it in a hostile world.  We definitely don't need to inflict pain upon others that ends up making them weep with sadness.

How can you begin this moment to let your words match your actions and let your love shine through greater than your own ego?

#Authentic

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Are Humans Really That Hateful

I see a meanness online these days and it truly bothers me.  If you think I should not be bothered by it, then this blog post is not for you.  In fact, I just got called out for caring about what gets forced in front of our eyes every day.  You can't avoid it, unless you just don't go online.

I have to wonder though, are humans as hateful as they show online?  Do they really hate others as much as their words and actions show?  Or is there a major disconnect and the what people show online is different than they actually are?

My next question would lead me to authenticity.  If you can't be the same online that you are in person to your friends, coworkers and acquaintances, then which persona should we believe?  Who really are you?

I think this matters greatly because by treating each other with so much hatred while proclaiming we are great individuals, is extremely harmful to the world-at-large.  Words, actions, and thoughts do matter.  A thought born out of love can really help someone's day while thoughts born out of hate can really incite significant pain upon others.

We can't just sit back and hide our heads in the sand, because it truly matters.  How we treat others is propagated on to other people many times over.  It hurts.  It harms.  It keeps people hunkering down in their caves of anxiety and depression.

How we treat others is what helps this world advance or decline!  I'm sorry if that goes against your beliefs and opinions, but you can just take a look at humanity through the ages and see how true this is. 

The world is difficult enough on our good days and if we can't walk hand-in-hand together towards a better outcome, will this world even make it?  If we stand opposed and fight and nitpick and manipulate with our opinions and beliefs, may the world somehow survive because the odds are against it in this scenario.

Yes, it does matter if we truly understand whether humans are really that hateful with one another.  To ignore this, is being part of the problem that self-propagates throughout online social media.  We had better wake up before it is too late.  In this case, there will not be any do overs.

#Hate

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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Avoiding Healing

If you're like me in my own healing, you've probably done some avoiding of what you needed to do.  It is easy to avoid healing in our lives because this path is not easy.

Healing is sometimes long and treacherous.  Sometimes it is exhausting.

The only thing is, if we avoid healing in our lives, it will come back up and bite us.  Our body and our mind will work to get our attention and the more we avoid it, the more it will increase.

I know from experience that avoiding things in life, numbing and disconnecting will only take you down a path that isn't pretty.  For me, it took me into a conversion disorder where I was paralyzed and almost on my last breath for good.

It isn't easy to heal, especially when you've been through trauma or child abuse or been molested and raped as a child.  These experiences harm people in so many ways and to get your life back is an exercise in exhaustion at times.  I know, I've been there.

Be real in our healing...

We just need to be honest with ourselves in our own healing and be real with what we are doing.  Are we avoiding healing through various ways, or are we truly going in and doing what we need to be doing.

There are many ways to avoid healing and even if I tried to list all that I could, there would be many more.  I think at a subconscious level we understand when we are avoiding what it is that we need to do, but often times it doesn't rise to a level of consciousness and awareness.

So, how do you avoid healing or how have you done this in the past?

What are your ways that you numb and disconnect, rather than take a long hard look at what is truly taking place on your healing journey.

#Numbing

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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Being Authentic When I Don't Know Who I Am

I remember back to the early days of beginning healing as a male child abuse survivor.  For me, my entire life was turned upside down as the result of being paralyzed from a Conversion Disorder.  Now, Conversion Disorder has been renamed to Functional Neurological Disorder.

Back to the topic though...

At the time, I thought I had life figured out.  I thought I knew what my career path was.  Each year, I listed my top goals for the next year, two years, five years, 20 years, and so on and so forth.  I had my job that took me from early morning to late at night almost 7 days a week.

All of this was who I thought I was.  It was my identity and I thought I was being authentic.  Yet, when you're losing control of every physical part of your body and you start seeing that final white light as you're body is leaving this world, it tends to slap you pretty hard, waking you up to see more than you see in that moment.

I had buried so much...

This moment brought me front and center to all that I didn't know about myself but I thought I knew.  I had so buried all of the stuff that happened to me because it was horrible.  It was too horrible to see or even think about or even allow myself the remotest of connections.

As I began to heal, I began to see more of the true side of myself, the authentic side.  It was parts that I didn't even realize existed, but they were there.  It was parts that quite surprised me.

Even as I began to heal and start to discover what being authentic meant for my life, I realized that I had just reached the tip of the iceberg.  There was so much more for me to discover.  There was so much more that I had no way to see.  It all seemed like a fog and a mystery, but beyond that point, it was who I was.

I've gone through some tremendous healing work connecting not just my mind in healing, but the physical body as well.  What I have found is that as much as I thought I healed and discovered, there was much more than I could even see.

What we cannot see in this moment...

Being authentic is in my mind about learning to let go and become aware of that which we cannot see in this moment.  It is allowing myself to go further, grow in awareness and consciousness so that I can know myself from deep within.  It is about learning to connect to the deepest parts of my body, including the pain so that I can regain all those parts and discover more of myself.

As I continue to progress in my healing, I'm learning that the more I discover, the more I realize that further possibility exists.  What I know today about being authentic is no where near what I will probably know tomorrow or the next day.

There is so much out there that I have found.  There is much more to myself that I never realized.  Along with all the pains and experiences in life, I'm learning how to become more authentic.  For as I am becoming authentic, it is then that I truly discover what authenticity means.

We have to reach further for who we are, past all the horrible stuff that happened.  We don't need to ignore, neglect, or numb to all these things, but we need to squeeze them so hard that they have no life left in them.  It is then that we reclaim the power from them enabling us to being more authentic in our own life.

I realize that this may sound like new age philosophy or mumble jumble, but I can tell you from healing in my own life, this is at the heart of what propelled me forward.  It took me out of the depths of despair and into moments that I never could imagine existed.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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Being Happy Isn't All It Is Cracked Up To Be

There it is again.  I see it.  We all see it.  Now what in the heck is this person talking about.

Well, girls and boys - its about being happy.  Actually that isn't it is cracked up to be.  We might think it is, but we need to think again.

This happy business needs to have a reality check.  Hey, its okay if being happy is a good thing.  There is nothing wrong with that.  It is just that by only being happy, we're missing out on what true happiness really is.

Let's start off by telling a story to illustrate my point.

You see, in a village far, far, away, there was this little boy that was fighting monsters and evil people every day.  They would come at him constantly and sometimes more than one monster would attack at a time.  He tried to smile through it.  He tried to hide the pain.  He tried to show everyone how strong he was.  They didn't get to see any of what happened to him, they only saw him happy and smiling and acting like the world was okay.

You see, this little boy seemed so happy to everyone.  He smiled all the time.  No one saw anything but a happy little boy.  The only thing is that it was all an illusion.  It was meant to keep people away.  It was meant to hide the enormous pain he felt.  It was meant to evade others so they didn't know the true shame that he experienced.

The worst part is though, being happy all the time to everyone almost killed the little boy.  If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm the little boy.  In 1991, going through a Conversion Disorder, I almost lost my life for good.  Yet, no one saw the pain I buried deep inside so far removed from the happy smiles I gave to everyone.

It is easy to promote the "be happy all the time" agenda through memes and nice little quotes on social media, but in all reality, it isn't all its cracked up to be.  In fact, you can do more harm than good by convincing people that are hurting to just go crawl in their hole and hide.  Sure, that may not be your intent, but it does become the reality.

We really need to learn to be real.  If you're happy - that's great!  If you think you can be happy 100% of the time, then you're missing what happiness is because without sadness - happiness becomes an illusion. There is no happy without sadness.

No, I'm not saying - walk around depressed and in sorrow or pain.  No, I'm not saying you can't try to be happy even when you don't feel that way.  If that's what you're reading, then you're missing the point or I'm failing to explain my thought.

Being happy recognizes the pain and sadness.  It knows the moments when happiness is lost in the woods.  It gives balance between all emotions because without feeling all emotions, you're only one sided.  We need the good with the bad.  We need to feel and experience the range of all there is, not just one emotion.  Otherwise, it is not healthy lifestyle!

There are many people suffering in pain and when they are forced to believe that their pain and hurts and experiences don't matter, it only drives that crap deeper inside.  When you drive it deep down inside,  you're just setting yourself up for a catastrophic healthy failure.

Don't force someone in pain to live in darkness and despair.  Show them your smile, but show them your authentic side where you have the bruises and scars.  All happy all the time is a recipe for disaster and harm.  Be real - be human - be conscious and aware.  Don't disconnect and live in a fantasy world because reality is just too much to deal with.  It will lead you down a very dark path.

We need authentic people in this world.  We need those that can share from a compassionate heart, not one that acknowledges a one-sided view of emotions.  People are hurting and in fact you might be hurting too if all you think is that being happy is the only thing to be.

Take it from someone who almost breathed their last breath trying to be happy all the time!  It doesn't work!

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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What We Say Is Not Always True

We all like to put the best foot forward.  We like people to see the side of us that looks good, acts right, and makes us appear as if we have it all together.  Unfortunately, we're often just trying to paint lipstick on a pig and thinking it a clown.

What we say isn't always true or as true as we lead ourselves to believe.  Now, I'm not claiming that we intentionally lie to others.  Maybe you could make the claim that we do and it would be correct.  I'm really saying that we show one side to the world and another that we show to only those we truly trust and feel safe around.

Sometimes you need to modulate how much you show to the world.  Not everyone needs to hear everything that has happened in your life.  It can easily be too much and overwhelm others.  There are times that the details are just not appropriate for everyone to hear.  There are boundaries you need to establish as well.  So, please don't mistake what I'm saying that we have to be an  open book 100% of the time.  Definitely not!

How true is the story we tell...

We just need to be mindful though of the story we tell and how true or not true it is.  Whether it is to our self or those that we love and trust, how much are we holding back?  How real and authentic is it?  How much are we projecting on to the things that really aren't the culprits?

It is easy to blame everything and anyone for our situation in life.  Believe me, there are some that definitely deserve the blame.  However, in the current moment we have, what we do and how we act is totally up to us.  How we view our life and our possibilities is now in our possession.  Yes, there are influencing factors in our life that weigh heavily on this, but in this current moment, it is up to us how we proceed.

Pushing away others...

Trying to hide the real self and say what we think others only want to hear is not necessarily the most helpful.  Especially if you're in a therapeutic relationship or even with an intimate partner, trying to alter truth and reality is not helpful.  The more authentic and open you can be in those cases, the more connection, love, and support that will be there.

Some days I want to go hide in my cave and when I do that, I assume and pontificate that all others hate me.  I proclaim that no one wants me and no one cares.  In those moments, when I'm hiding my true self and saying something different to those around me, I'm deepening the divide between us.  I'm pushing away the connection to others I so desperately need.

It took me a long time to begin to own up to what had taken place in my life.  Yes, it was horrible.  Yes, I went through childhood sexual abuse, torture and intense trauma.  The thing is, I kept it hidden from everyone, including myself and it nearly cost me my life.  I took my last few breaths before I woke up.

If  you are hiding such deep pain from view, don't beat yourself up for it because that is part of your survival.  Instead, begin to see if there is someone you can trust enough and who is safe enough, that maybe you can reach out a little to them.  If they reach back with love and compassion, you've got someone that can help you climb out of the depths you are in.  If they reach back with judgment, keep looking for those that have love and compassion.  They are out there!

No matter what, work at being honest and authentic in your life.  Don't settle with what you try to tell yourself is true.  Instead, allow yourself to go in and find those ugly parts so you can let them go.  They are robbing you of energy and once you reclaim them, the energy that is freed up will help you go further than you ever realized was possible.

#Truth

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

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Are We Part Of The Problem?

Some days it is hard to be silent.  I see things posted and I so badly want to jump in the fray and force my screams and rants on everyone else.  Sometimes it is all I can do to hold myself back.

However, if I go off and do the screaming, ranting, and mocking that is so prevalent on the internet, then am I any better than the ones that I decry who do this?  I believe if I go out and do that which I abhor, then I'm not any better.  You can't chastise others if you're doing the same as them.

In fact, if I join the screaming and yelling online, I am really being condescending. It would be the same as me looking down at those who do this, while claiming I'm better.  Yet, I see this happen every day by every one it seems.  Online social media is filled with t his behavior.

I try hard to just not join in because to me, there is nothing to be gained.  No one is listening to anyone.  Everyone is calling each other names or saying despicable things about the ones they disagree with online.  So, what would I gain if I did the same thing?

Is that authentic and helpful?

I have a brother who goes to church on Sunday to a very fundamentalist church where they have all the answers and everyone else is lost and going to hell.  Yet, when you see his stuff he shares with others online, it is some of the most hateful things that I see posted.  He holds nothing back as to what he shares about those who don't think like him.  Is that helpful?  Is that authentic?  I think we could all answer those questions easily.

The thing is though, it isn't just my older brother.  It feels like it is everyone, not just of one belief or another.  If you don't go and respond to the bull-crap that's spewed on the internet, my hat is off to you.  Unfortunately, I'm not sure there are many that don't do this.  It is just too wide spread out there.

We give very little value to humanity...

If we are going to see everyone as either agreeing with us or not, then we give very little value to humanity.  If we are going to see everyone as being for or against us or some viewpoint, then we give very little value to humanity.  Surely we can be more than that as humans!

With what I've seen online, I'm so turned off to all of this.  No one is listening to the other.  It is just a free-for-all on all sides, not just one side.  Yes, there are some that act horribly, but if you engage with them, what does that say about you?  If you try to bully a bully on a playground, are you any better than the bully you despise?

I'm afraid that if we don't pull our daggers back in, we're going to cause irreparable harm to not only our country, but this world and more importantly, humanity.  We can't wait for the others to come around to whatever viewpoint we have.

We need to start acting like humans that are here to work together.  We need to show the love for one another like we claim to have for everyone.  We need to learn what really matters in a day and what is nothing more than noise on the continuum of life.

#TreatOneAnother 

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

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Belief and Being Authentic

You cannot hide behind belief and be authentic.  You can only come to terms with what is absolute truth in your life, but never failing to re-evaluate to see if that still holds true.  For belief hides us from seeing all that is lying before us and cloaking us in a layer of ignorance.

By Don Shetterly, 11/2/16

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

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What We Show To The World

We all have a private side and a public side I think.  If someone doesn't, I'd be a little suspicious.  What we show to the world is often not what we show to those close to us.  Even what we show to those that are close to us, is not all we are.

There is the side of us that we show to the world in our professional life.  In many ways, it isn't our entire self because I'm sure a client or customer would not want to know or need to know some of the issues we have had to face in life.

There is the side of us that we show to the world that is our more personal side, but often if we show it to the world at large, we would be allowing people to trample our own personal boundaries.

What we show online...

There are also sides such as what we show online in social media or what we show to our significant other or best friends.  It might even be a side that we show to one circle we are involved with but for each different experience in life, there is something we show to the world and something we do not.

I'm always perplexed and amazed at what people show online in social media.  Often it is showing one side of themselves, while they try to prove there is something else that makes them tick.  All I have to do is look is no further than a sibling that professes one thing on Sunday and shows an entirely different thing through the things he shares online.

While there may be a need to not show everything to the world that we show to our most trusted friends and significant others, I think that sometimes we are not authentic in the way we should be.  There need not be major cover ups while trying to convince the world we are one thing, but in many ways we are not.

Your actions and words say much more...

Your actions and words say much more than what you try to project to the world.  You might think you are hiding the things from the world, but in many ways they are quite obvious for all to see.

As you go through your day, take into account what it is that you show to those close to you and the world.  Does one thing resemble the other or are the different images no where close to being in sync?

If you want to be taken as authentic, then you will want to be more aware and conscious of what you put out into the world.  Social media is a good indicator of what is truly within you or what you do when you're not conscious.

Make the world a better place by being authentic and really looking deep within your own soul to see what is there.  You won't make the world a better place by judging it and exclaiming all that others are doing wrong.  You will make it a better place by working on yourself over that of judging other people.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

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Throw Words Together And Mean Something

There, I just did it.  Hey, why not be like all the major reporting outlets and newspapers and social media interactions?  Just throw some words together and have it mean something.  It doesn't matter if what you say makes any sense.  It doesn't matter anymore.

No longer do we need proper grammar or sentence structure.  It doesn't matter if you really communicate your thought, because after all, you're just trying to throw words together.  Social media has made this so much worse because no one communicates anymore.

Its hard enough to get your point across without just obliterating the meaning by throwing words together.  Yet, it doesn't stop anyone.  When you have to read something over and over again to try and figure out what you just read, there is a problem.

I'm not perfect either.  I know this.  However, I at least attempt to explain things in the best way that I can, so the point I'm trying to make is clear.  I don't try to game the system by slapping keywords together, one after another.  I don't try to play games just to get people to click.

Authenticity is lacking so much in online social media.  It's more about getting your own ego stroked than it is making a difference in the world.  It's all about the 'me' part of social media and not even beginning to ask, does what I do truly make a difference in the lives of other people?  Does what I do truly bring something good and positive into the world?

Improve the world...

There is far too much stuff posted online in a day and in the media, so let's try to improve the world by making what we share count for something good.  Let's help make the world a better place by posting and sharing content which makes a difference.  Let's stop wasting everyone's time with repeated material just so we can get noticed.

Let's show the world by our words and actions that we are authentic. 

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

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Top 10 Social Media Annoyances

Some days I scratch my head at what humans do.  Of all the brain cells that could function and make different choices, it seems that those brain cells must have fallen asleep.  These poor choices create annoyances on the internet.

I have compiled my top 10 online social media annoyances that I have found on both Twitter and Facebook.  In fact, I stopped using Facebook some time ago and it is like a breath of fresh air.  Twitter is almost as bad with these annoyances.

I really wish it was different where people could use social media for a balanced approach of good information, rather than seeing how much they can scam and spam everyone.  I know, there are some good people out there, but the bad ones far outweigh the good.

Top 10 Social Media Annoyances.

#1 Naked Pictures Doing Sex Acts

Don't call me a prude here!  That's not what this is about at all.  Its about having some of the most graphic sexual pictures show up on my news feed.  These aren't small pictures either so when they show up, you can't miss them.  If I am in a public place, it is very inappropriate and it more than crosses the boundaries.  Even if I am not in a public place, I really don't want to see this all day long in my feed.  Most of these people do get reported and blocked, but it makes me wonder why people think that everyone wants to see this.  It usually isn't a once-in-a-blue-moon occurrence either as they plaster the news feed with them all day and all night.  Enough!  If that's all you are adding to civilization, you may want to rethink your role in humanity.

#2 Like My Other Social Media

I gave up on Facebook.  I got tired of so much fakeness on there and too much junk that was posted every minute.  Most of what is shared on Facebook isn't worth two seconds of our time.  Even the marketing people who value your time are the biggest time wasters on Facebook and Twitter.  They really don't offer much value, but they sure waste your time.  I don't do LinkedIn anymore either because I find the site ridiculous and hard to navigate.  When I add someone on Twitter and the only thing that they think is important is for me to add all their other social media sites, I have to wonder about them.  Why would I go to multiple social media sites to follow you.  Do you not think I have anything better to do with my day than that?  Again, I think it is a big time waster.  It is not good online marketing in my view, because when I see it happen, the individual is knocked down in my value list.

#3 Spamming The News Feed

Yes, I understand that you want to reach as many people as you can and not everyone is online at the same time.  However, when I see 5, 10, 20 posts one after another, I tend to completely ignore you and scroll past what it is that you are tweeting.  I'm sure we all have done this in a minor way, but I'm talking about the ones that must have drank 5 tall cups of coffee before coming on Facebook or Twitter.  There is more in a day to do than sit there and see this type of behavior.  If you have that big of an ego, then I'll do like I have always done and either "mute" you or "unfollow" you.  You're abusing the relationship I have with you online and that doesn't sit well in my book.

#4 TrueTwit Verification Nonsense

From what I can tell, using the TrueTwit verification service does very little.  Yet, I see it time and time again.  Maybe the people using this nonsense don't understand what the recipient gets, but let me tell you, it is an annoyance.  It is a nuisance.  I just ignore it now because if I followed you, then I want to read your posts.  I don't wish to jump through hoops to prove to you that I am a valid person.  Sorry, you are asking far too much from me and abusing the trust I have put in you to be on my news feed.

#5 The Fake Link

I get so annoyed by the fake link.  You've probably seen it also.  It is the link that you think will take you to something you might be interested to read.  The link that looks safe, but yet it is not.  It is the links that take you to some site that gets you to sign up for whatever it is that they are pushing.  Most of the time it has nothing to do with what they put in the post, but you don't know that until after you clicked on the link.  It makes me so leery to click on any links these days because I just got hit badly with malware.

#6 Overly Large Pictures

If I am reading my social media accounts on my desktop, the overly large pictures aren't such a problem.  If I am on my smart phone, then it becomes a bigger issue and annoyance.  I now have to scroll down past these.  Most of the time, the ones that post overly large pictures must think that one is not enough and so they post multiple pictures.  The pictures are posted one after another.  The larger the picture, the more difficult it is for me to read the other tweets in between because they almost get swallowed up by them.  Do everyone a favor and find some moderation.

#7 How Many Clicks Does It Take

I think back to the commercials of the lollipop and how many licks does it take to get to the center.  Recently, I had one that when I clicked on the link, it took me to a page without the information.  There was another link to the information that you had to click on.  When I clicked on that, it then took me to another twitter page with the same information as was in the original post.  I still don't know where the information was and I suspect it didn't exist.  It was just meant to get me to click.  What an annoyance!  I believe I rewarded that individual with an "unfollow" and that probably wasn't the result they were hoping for.

#8 Unsolicited Advice

I marvel at this one in real life and its also annoying online.  It happens so much.  The person that comes by and doesn't even read what you posted or an article you linked to or checked out your website, but boy do they have advice for you.  They are quick to tell you what you should do or should not do.  It doesn't matter if it applies or not, they will tell you anyway.  There are far too many noisy people who think they have all the answers.  If that were true, we would have no problems in this entire world!  Let your ego know that not everyone loves your unsolicited advice.  It turns people off and they most likely do like I do, click that unfollow button.

#9 Content Waste

Oh, those auto-generated articles on the internet that are such an annoyance.  If I wanted to read regurgitated content created by a program, I would read source code from a website.  It is such a waste of my time, but people who aren't creative, think that this is good marketing.  I'm sorry, but if you don't have something good to say, just sit in the corner and be quiet until you do.  I have no forgiveness for people who do this, because you are wasting my time and filling the internet up with trash.  Those that do this type of thing obviously do not value the people they are trying to sell to or get as a client.

#10 Pesky Questions And Requests

I am amazed at how many people send automated responses out and ask questions in them.  The thing is, if you respond, they never respond back.  I have gotten to the point where I am ignoring most of these things now which sucks if you're one of the good guys that doesn't do this.  If I just followed you, I'm not going to spend hours reviewing and critiquing your website for you to most likely disregard it anyway.  While you may think it is cute and intriguing to ask me some irrelevant question, I've found that you could care less if I am happy or what happened in my day or what topics I want to see you post about on your news feed.  Again, all these things are time wasters and they are not authentic.  They don't make me want to trust you.  In fact, they make me want to unfollow.

Final Thoughts

We are becoming a spam and scam society and with the internet, it makes our reach much more broad.  However, if you cannot be trusted and people see this in what you post, then you are not adding value to the internet.  You're not adding value to social media.  You are an annoyance.

Marketing is about offering something of value, not trying to get one over on the other person and make them click or cringe.  Marketing is about building relationships and showing the other person that you care enough to not waste their time.  Unfortunately very few online really understand marketing.

Try to offer value and information that others will be better for if they click and read what it is you share.  Make a difference by being authentic, not by being a scammer and spammer.  Its not hard to spot the ones that give little value to everyone who follows or subscribes to them.  Be human by being real.  The internet community will thank you!

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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