Sometimes Life Doesn't Make Sense

Written By Don Shetterly

At times, I wonder why things happen. I've wondered that for my entire life.  I see events unfolding, and none of them make sense to me.  I am often left with unanswered questions and feelings of bewilderment and confusion.


Some people say you should believe in this thing or that thing.  Some will tell you to practice some new age thought system or meditate or try this experience or that.  Far too many times, while this may be a result of someone feeling inadequate to help you, one size does not fit all.  I'm not saying these things do not help or work, but sometimes it feels as if it is not enough.  Sometimes life doesn't make sense.

I didn't give up...

I've gone through those moments where I didn't think I could stand up, let alone walk another step.  Sometimes physically I could not walk.  Sometimes in trying to walk, I fell or struggled to find my balance.  No matter what, I didn't give up.

There are times I have had to learn to accept the moment for what it is, not having a clue as to why I'm experiencing it.  There are times when I've just had to completely let go and allow whatever was going to take place to happen.  No matter what, there are times when we have no control over what happens, and that is just the way it is.  We wait for the moment to pass so we can regain control.

When I was a kid, I begged and screamed out for someone to help me, but no one heard my cries.  I wanted those that abused and tortured me and my animals to hurt for what they did.  I wanted them struck down.  My voice went unheard.  My thoughts were lost in the echoes of silence.

The only thing I have ever known is to keep going when life doesn't make sense.  It isn't easy.  It takes every ounce of strength you have and then some.  Moments in life that don't make sense can push you beyond what you think is capable.

I have learned that if I can focus on how far I have come and what I've already traveled through, then I can make it through much more than I may see at this moment.  If I found the strength, courage, and determination previously, then I can summon it now.

We are often much stronger than we give ourselves credit for in times of difficult circumstances.  Even if we see ourselves as weak and we don't feel like we can make it, rest assured that you hold much more inside you than you realize at this moment.

Grab hold of that strength and hang on to it until things pass and your life calms down to the point of greater ease and peace.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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My Issues And Your Issues

Written By Don Shetterly

As I get older, I am beginning to see things differently in life.  I guess that's part of the maturing process because what once seemed to be important has shifted.  I see things differently.  I understand things differently than I once did.


Through these changes, I'm seeing that everyone has strengths and weaknesses, good and bad.  We've got moments where we triumph in our life, and we shine with all our strengths, abilities and talents.  However, we've got the other side.

There are the issues we struggle with and the weaknesses we harbor within ourselves.  Sometimes these flaws and shortcomings are on display for the whole world to see.  At other times, we hide them from anyone outside of where they exist.

I've learned that I can be vulnerable with people close to me and it is okay.  Being vulnerable is not easy for me, and I really thank Brene Brown for what she has taught on this subject.  Sometimes I just don't want anyone to think I'm what I think I am inside, even though my view may be distorted.

In many ways, I think we are all like that to some degree with some more so than other people.  There are some that completely distort how the world and those close them see their lives.

I was good at hiding things...

In fact, at one time before I went through paralysis and Conversion Disorder, everyone around me thought I had the world together and I was happy all the time.  I was good at hiding things back then.

I remember my mom going to work and she could be as sick as one could be, but no one would see it.  I learned so much from her how to hide my true self from the world.  Yet, at the same time, it meant I kept myself from interacting with the world and possibility and joy.

One thing I have noticed is that we tend to see ourselves in a more perfect light when we try to impress everyone around us.  We don't want everyone to see our flaws.  We hide it and distort it and paint the picture of what we want them to see.  Sometimes there are moments where this may be needed.

Yet, deep inside we sometimes feel fragile and damaged and not having much skill, talent, or good to our lives.  Even when others see how much we offer, we sometimes cannot see this in ourselves, and so we hold the "frail" image of ourselves as the measurement of all that exists in life.

We insulate ourselves...

If we go too far with hiding ourselves from the world and not allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, we tend to go around lashing out at others.  We join the bandwagon with the rest of the folks tearing others down, hurling hateful insults against one another and highlighting their issues.  It is the way we hide from ourselves because if we put the spotlight on others, we insulate our true self.

Social media gives us a high speed interstate to point out the issues of others and focus on the distorted view we see within ourselves.  It is one of the negatives of social media that sometimes really frustrates me.  Of course, it is our choice how we interact with it personally, but I hope that we can move in the direction where we use it for positive change, not hate and insults and unconsciousness.

All of us have our issues.  We were born with them, and we picked some of them up along the way through our families, schools, communities, and circle of people we know.  It is okay to have issues, but hopefully, we learn from them while recognizing that instead of pointing out the issues of everyone else, we can do much more by working on our own.

I keep challenging myself to be more and learn more about my life.  I don't want those days pre-Conversion Disorder when I showed that everything was fine to the world and I was in a hundred kinds of pain.

Being real and authentic and working to improve our lives each day - that's the ticket to becoming more and learning from our issues.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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The Choice Is Up To You

One of the things that I learned a long time ago was just how much I could either impact my life in a good way or continue to go down the path that basically got me nowhere!  The choice was up to me in how I lived my life, how I let go of things in my life, and what I allowed myself to see.

There are far too many operating on autopilot following the crowd of beliefs, opinion and ways of looking at their own health.  Original thought and discovery has for the most part exited the building.  Understanding that we make choices is like a foreign concept.

Yes, people give lip service to these things and then they follow it with a "but" this won't work for me.  Many want to claim they are all knowing and are doing the most they can do, BUT they include the reasons and excuses that it won't work for them.

We are all entitled to our reasons and/or excuses of what works in our life and what doesn't.  I'm not suggesting that whatever reasons we have are invalid or inappropriate.  They may actually have a good basis for existence.  Unfortunately, the reasons become more who we are, rather than who we truly are.

I proved them wrong...

If I would have listened to the doctors years ago, I would have never recovered from Conversion Disorder, walked again and held a job again.  The doctors were reacting from my situation at that point and drawing upon their medical knowledge in the moment, but I proved them wrong.  I was not about to stay down in life.

There have been many times throughout my healing that I felt like I would never make it.  The odds were too great and the struggles were too difficult.  If I would have made the choice to just feel like I couldn't go on or find another way, I would not have made it this far.  I could have done that, but it was a choice that I had to make.

Some might tell me, "you don't understand" or "you're special" or you are different than everyone else.  I've heard many of those reasons of why I made it and others could not.  Yet, I was in those same shoes, doubting and wondering if I could make it.

Believe beyond myself...

It required me to believe beyond myself and keep moving forward even when I could not see what was lying ahead.  It required me to let go of all that I thought I knew and believed and felt was fact in my life, to see what else I was missing.  It required me to go in and not accept the condition I was in, so that I could find the way forward.

Is this easy to do?  No, it is not!  It takes a lot of determination and courage and strength.  It takes someone never giving up even when the odds are stacked against them.  It takes seeing outside of what you think you know to be true that is beyond the blinders we all wear.

The choice is up to you in what you do with life.  Sure, some of us are going to stay where we are no matter what.  That is our choice.  Some of us will try to go into healing and find how difficult it is and stop for an extended rest.  Some of us will shed the shackles were bound with and through determination not stop until we find greater peace in our life.

In my view, healing from atrocities sucks!  I wish no one had to go through anything, but to this day, the only way I've found to conquer it is by healing through it.  I've learned that I have to muster up all the strength I can and fight through it as I discover things I never knew existed.

What we do with our mind and body is our choice.  Just don't let that choice define your entire existence.  Go beyond it and see what is possible - what is healthy - what is freedom and peace.  Go into the darkness of the unknown so you can find the light of all that there is.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Do you empower the possibility of hope in life?

Its easy for us to get taken under by events of our day.  Sometimes life can be challenging as we face the difficult moments in life.  The question should be, "do you empower the possibility of hope in life?"

Sometimes we say we do, but we really don't.  Sometimes we think we do, but we stay stuck in misery.  Sometimes we think we are reaching out, but far too many times, we are in search of misery.

I know, I've been there.  It isn't easy sometimes and other times it can be just about as difficult as one could ever imagine.  If you've walked through the fires of life or are currently walking through them, you know without a doubt, just how difficult life can be.

While I don't necessarily agree with just changing thoughts and ignoring what is before us, sometimes we have to step up another rung on our ladder to see something different.  I feel it is very important to embrace all that we are currently experiencing in the moment, but sometimes even that can be too overwhelming.

In the midst of those moments...

When you're in the midst of those moments, stop and allow yourself to catch up.  Realize that you're trudging through heavy stuff right now, but with all things, it will pass.  The days will get easier at some point.  You can't have a storm without seeing the sunshine and the rainbow appear after the storm is past.

Empower the possibility of hope in life but taking the moment you have and just being okay with it.  Embrace it.  Love it.  Nurture it.  These moments will get you through, but if you fight them with all your energy, you will just drain yourself of necessary resources to move forward.

Hope and Possibility...

There is possibility and hope.  There is the possibility of hope in life if we keep looking for it.  No matter how difficult things can get, there is always possibility.  It is what has kept me going through some of the most difficult times I've encountered.  It is what keeps me in this world at times when I can see no other way.

(click image to read) 

Empower the possibility of hope in your life and it will propel you to the next moment you so desperately long for and want.  It will give you the strength to make it through.  It will help you see much more than you can see in this one tiny moment of your life.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Therapy Turning Point In Life - Part 3

(Continued from Therapy Turning Point In Life - Part 2).  Please don't think I'm telling you to go and stop doing whatever it is that you're doing to make it in life.  However, I will offer a challenge to you that you seek out more than what you are currently doing.

There is healing we can find from the inside out that is more powerful than anything known to modern medical treatment today.  We just have to open our eyes and see the bigger picture.  (Please note that I'm not tearing down the medical establishment.  I just want to push them further to integrate all forms of healing).

Unfortunately, until we wake up to life, we will continue to do the things that numb us and hold the locked energy within our body.  You can't get happy long-term, just by thinking it.  It needs to come from within the cells of your body and the neuropathways that bring you to true happiness.  Too many think a mantra is all you need, but that's like trying to balance a teeter-tater with one person.

Therapy Turning Point In Life - Part 2

(Continued from the blog post, Therapy Turning Point In Life - Part 1).  Since the session, I really feel the exhaustion that has inhabited and overtaken my body.  I thought I felt a little tired, but I truly didn't feel it until the session woke me up and connected me once again to my body.  It was almost overwhelming to feel all of this.

Here is what I texted to Dr. Canali the following day.

I didn't realize just how numb I was and how much I wasn't feeling the exhaustion.  I'm feeling it full force now.  Unbelievable just how far the body will go.

Can you see just what can happen?  Here I've been walking around and through my days so stressed out.  I've been on the verge of losing it and started to do that with coworkers and people I loved.  I've been on the verge of just giving up in life because I had no strength to keep going.  Yet, my body and my mind were still protecting me.  It was keeping me alive even though I continued to shred my existence.

Therapy Turning Point In Life - Part 1

I've been battling exhaustion for the past few weeks and it was coming on full force for me.  It was taking me down.  I kept pushing and trying, but at the end of the day, if I wouldn't have stopped for a rest, I wouldn't have made it this far.  Physically and biologically my body could not keep up and my mind was not in a good place.

As I've been doing therapy to help counteract this and taken a medical leave of absence to regroup and recharge, I think I might have finally come to a turning point in therapy.  It hasn't been easy in therapy and it required me to find courage and strength to not give up as I went through what I needed to do.

In my latest Unified Therapy healing session with Dr Canali, we went into some of the gawd-awful places that I just wish I could avoid.  If I avoid them, they will continue to haunt me and the more I can go into them, the more freedom I will have.

Learning There Is Only So Much You Can Do

Its easy to want to be superman or superwoman.  Its easy to want to be able to help or solve the problems of the day.  Yet, all too often, there is only so much you can do.  Learning this is not always easy and often takes repeat lessons to fully grasp.

I see people write flowery thoughts to others in times of great difficulty and while I'm sure they mean well, the words become foundations of sand.  The minute the water levels rise, the foundations wash away.  I do understand that its not always easy to know what to say and when to say anything.  I get that.  What I don't quite understand is how empty the words can often be to someone struggling to go one more day.

When I've been through the pain and rough moments of life, I often cherished those that would just sit there with me and listen.  They would listen to my stories as I told them through the tears and pain I felt.  They didn't try to tell me to get over it or move on or that some entity would make everything better.  They just listened and they listened with an open ear, having no judgement or preconceived ideas of what should or should not happen.

You Can Do It

Often we come up on times in our life where we doubt that we can do what lies before us.  The task may seem too big, or we may feel inadequate.  Often, this is the time when we need not lose site of the vision we see, and give every ounce of energy we've got, as we embrace our courage and our strength.  In the end, you can do it!

Healing The Itchy Hand Rash, Day 11

Healing The Itchy
Hand Rash, Day 11

For background on this post, please begin at the blog post on November 6, 2011 (Healing The Itchy Hand Rash, Intro).


From My Personal Journal on October 21, 2011

Today Is Challenging


Can I make this any more clear?   Today is a challenge!  Let me repeat that in case it isn't crystal clear - today is a challenge.  A simple statement and to the point.


It seems like my hand does better and then it goes downhill.  Woke up feeling pretty good with it but now it itches like crazy as I write this.  Overall it is healing, but moments like this really bring out the agitation in me.


My energy level evades me as if it is playing hide and seek.  It is very difficult to focus on any thing positive today.  My body wants to crawl in a cave and hide.  I fight with all my strength to prevent this.  Maybe I should give in and accept it as fate.

Life Looks Easy For Everyone Else

Life looks easy for everyone else. Me, I have struggled all my life and every moment has been tough. People have explained it one way or another as to why it has happened. At the end of the day, some things resonate and others I question. In fact, many I question.

I don't understand fully why I have experienced the things I have but yet, somehow I have made it this far in life. On all accounts, I should be dead but I was given a second chance. It was not my time that day in the hospital. With everything I have been through, the odds are not in my favor.

Sensitive sums up my life and the more I discover about myself, the more aware I become, I see just how far that goes to explain my life. I cannot even begin to describe what all I sense but it is often overwhelming. Many times I am frightened and confused by that which I sense.

Most just see me as knowing things but sometimes it is a living hell to me. I'm not always sure what to do with this information that I sense. Neither do I trust it fully. It is like a beloved and hated twin. At the same time, I want to know more, discover more and understand more of that which is around me and that which I sense.

There seems to be nowhere to turn. All the people who act as if they have the answers don't understand enough to really know what they are saying. Yet, it does not stop them from trying to offer or sometimes force their answers upon you.

I know that this journey I am on is one I must walk. I know I have to hold on to the courage and strength that I have deep within my soul. Deep down, I know there is a purpose for the struggles I have endured. However, it has not been fully revealed to me in full clarity. I sense it is not yet time for this to occur.

So, I continue to walk step by step hoping that as I do, all of this will be revealed more clearly. I attempt to keep my fears at bay, as I continue to ready my ship for sail.



Blog Post & Images (c) 3/24/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

Source Of Possibility

So often in life, we look for what we don't see, or what we do not feel we have. We look at the half empty part of our glass as the source of possibility. Yet, at the same time, we fail to see the half full part of our glass.

This leads us on a wild chase of looking for that which is there but ignoring that which we already have. It is easier for us to have narrow vision when we need to be looking at the broader view before us.

Within our body is much wisdom, energy and strength. Outside of our body is a sense of false interpretations masking as the real thing. The more we listen to our body and the more we go within our body, will we find this wisdom, energy and strength.

As we travel inward, we give ourselves the opportunity to grow in awareness and consciously evolve as humans. To fully inhabit our body is to find something more solid and truth based than anything that any one could ever tell us.



Blog Post & Images (c) 3/1/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

Scars And Wounds Of Pain

Finding balance in our life can be difficult at times, especially when an event tears open past wounds. When we have been wounded, reminders of those scars can bring the old pain right to the surface. Often times, these moments appear distorted to us making it difficult to step back and see the bigger picture.

In our civilization, so many have been wounded that it is heartbreaking. As a result, everyone has taken up so many causes that the messages are being drowned out. The causes are noble, but with everyone screaming at the top of their lungs, the whisper of the messages goes unheard.

One thing that can be so helpful in life is what we do to heal ourselves. There is no greater change we can show the world than to heal our wounds and offer up our healthy and balanced side. There is no greater affect we can have on the world than to find peace and light within ourselves as we travel through the darkness of our own life.

Healing the scars and wounds of pain gives us strength and courage. Through the courage and strength we find, our impact upon the world is often in much bigger ways than we realize. Let us do everything we can from the healed and peaceful state within our life, so that our motives and actions carry the loudest sound around the world.

(c) 11/12/10 by Don Shetterly - use by permission only

Deep Dark Black Space Of Implicit Memory

There I was - lying on the table - shrouded in complete fear. I could barely feel my left arm and what I could feel was pain that was so intense, I wanted to run and hide and flee. I wanted to crawl under the table, hide in the corner, not do anything that would connect me to the pain I was feeling.

The fears were intense. The questions were strong. Could I do this? Do I really want to do this? This is too hard! All these things were attacking me as if I had come up against an army 100 million times my army of one!

Yet, I had been here before. I had been through these moments in my healing. I knew the process. I was familiar with the feelings, the thoughts, the fears and emotions. Still, my mind seemed like a blank slate. It seemed like all that I knew was not within my grasp. It seemed that reality and pain and being disconnected from my body had all played Russian Roulette, and so the outcome seemed to be impossible to predict.

The more I wanted to flee the pain and hide, the more I felt so alone and lost. My arm at first would barely move, and felt as if the muscles were going to tear apart inside. My body felt as if it was being smashed head first into a wall like a cop frisking a suspect. As the moments wore on, the stiffness invaded my entire body. My body failed to move. It was as if the cells could not turn the ignition on to start their engines. The fears were great. The fears increased. It felt like time had stopped.

Nothing felt safe in that moment. Having someone close to me did not seem to matter. I felt so alone and lost out in space. I felt so engulfed into this deep dark black space that had once again introduced itself to me. While I wanted to flee and run, the stiffness in my body, the pain that ran from my shoulder, led to feeling like I was being stabbed in the neck. It paralyzed me in fear. It seemed like I was getting the crap pounded out of me. It seemed like I had no choice. It seemed like I was destined to live with this.

Yet, I knew I was entering that dark tunnel with the immense darkness of space and time. It was a horrifying and lonely deep black space within me. It was one that I was afraid that if I traveled into, would I be able to find my way back out?

The emotions of sadness intensified, and the tears of feeling all alone and hopeless, void of possibility, swirled around me like a hurricane coming on shore. Emotions of every shape, flavor and color attacked me by a hundred fold as if there was no other moment. The moment of their advance on me, it seemed was now. Thoughts continued to arise, can I do this? Do I want to do this? Can I not go back to where I came from? Can this just be a bad nightmare that will end very soon?

Of course, I knew the answers to these and I knew the struggle. I knew the fight. There was peace beyond this that I had been shown before, but that peace seemed like an impossible dream. Being reminded that I had tools and that this was part of the process was reassuring but the fears laughed in their faces.

And one final last push of going deep into the pain, brought me front and center with the deep dark place I had traveled into. It brought me to a point where I knew I had the strength, the tools and the support to get through this moment. For to stop and turn around now, would only feed the fears and increase the black space. To go head first and take the fears and black space on, I would find something greater than I knew. That one final last push of going deep into the fear and into that which I so badly wanted to escape, gave me the peace I so longed for.

So one last final push into the deepness that engulfed me, while holding on to the fact that there was a way through this - the pain intensified, the fears increased, the sadness overwhelmed me. I stayed connected with my body and kept my eyes on the goal and all at once, my breathing came back to me, the stiffness in my muscles left me, and the pain escaped. My body transformed through all these things into moments of deep peace and insight, showing me all that I could do and had the power to do.

It wasn't magic. It wasn't about the emotions that came up. It was about me connecting to that deep place within myself. It was about connecting with the deep dark black space called implicit memory. The implicit memory has no story, but it holds all the emotions of a lifetime. Its weapon is fear and its strength is feeding from the pain it inflicts upon the body. The only defense is to take it on and say, enough is enough - you're no longer going to rule my life. I have your number! I am in control. I have the power to do this and to continue taking back my life.

I'm once again reminded of just how much power and strength we have within us. We are much more than we often believe, and give ourself credit for. Yet, when the fear looks like a giant before us, we run for cover. In the end, we will soon realize that the giant is filled with nothing more than hot air, and if you poke a needle into it, the giant of fear will deflate.

This is the essence of healing. It is the moment of reclaiming the body. It is about becoming more aware of one's self and finding the insight that we need. Within the body is held vast amounts of information and even though we may feel disconnected to it or afraid of it, looking within is the way to give ourselves life, freedom and hope.

May I remember this each day, for the next time I come up against Implicit Memory disguised as the deep dark black space in my body.


*For more articles, check out the Mind Body Thoughts Blog

Ordinary Into Extraordinary

Many people overcome all kinds of odds to accomplish extraordinary things. They are usually so ordinary that it seems like blend in with the world around them. Yet, they display phenomenal strength, courage, and determination to accomplish these things. It doesn’t take the most gifted person to do the things they do. It takes a person who says I can do this and is willing to meet the challenge head on.

Stepping Into

When I drew this chalk picture, I had no idea what I was about to create. Rarely do I sit down and draw anything because I just don't feel that is my area of expertise. So when I do sit down and draw, it usually takes me by surprise. This is a simple picture but it is jam packed with meaning and significance for my own life.

You see, many times throughout my own life, I've been afraid at what lies ahead. You could even say, I am at one of those moments right now. I am sure that I am not alone as others experience this as well. Often we do not talk about those fears and if we do, many around us quickly tell us to just live for today or go on about our lives and not worry. While there is some good intentions to that, this could short circuit this part of our life and hold us back in many ways. The fears are real, the people are real but the outcomes are what is important.

Often when we face that unknown darkness ahead, we sometimes spend so much time staring at it that we forget what lies behind us. All of the things that we have carried with ourselves up to this point gives us the strength, the courage and the determination to move forward. It is all part of us. It helps us find the footing when we step out into the unknown.

In the picture, the house depicts a sense of security, starting point, origin, and grounding for our lives. It is the safety point from which we emerge. It is the fortress from which we draw strength. It is the beginning point for moving forward. The terrain reminds us of how much we have overcome and how many difficult steps we have already taken. It is the reminder of all that we have accomplished when we begin to doubt ourselves. The tree is for bountiful sustenance and a further anchor to hold on to. It is the strength we see in many ways as we begin to step forward. The birds are there to remind us of the joys we do have in our life and the gratitude for all that we are. Behind the person looking into the unknown is the wind that comes along in our life. It is the people, places, knowledge, self discovery that propels us further. While it seems the wind is only to the person's back, it is helping propel the person and give them strength and energy to keep stepping forward.

Many times we have no clue what each step we take, will bring to our path. We just know where we have traveled from and so as we take a new step, we are reminded of all that there is in our life, to move in the direction we need to go. We have no need to push it or pull it or change it. We just need to take the step forward for taking the individual baby steps forward is what makes the unknown familiar to us.