Fearing The Fear

Written By Don Shetterly

If you've read much on my blog, you'll see that this subject has been one of my most challenging experiences in my life.  Fearing the fear consumed my life at one time, but over the years and through my healing, I've learned more how to deal with fear.


I am not going to sit here and write that fear is an easy thing for me to overcome.  I'm not going to give you some platitude or meme that says you can wave a magic wand and be in control of fear.  Those things are not helpful to healing and our growth.  They are stumbling blocks if we subscribe to them.

When I was in a healing session the other day, I started to notice the little things where fear would come on strong in me.  In these Unified Therapy healing sessions, we are encouraged to bring the fear up, not shove it down or hide from it or numb it.  It is the time to bring it up.

The "oh no" mode...

For me that day, the office air conditioning kicking on sent the fear going sky high.  It wasn't easy, and at first, I could notice my breath going into fear mode.  I could feel my body begin to tense up.  I could see that my mind was starting to go into the "oh no" mode.  It felt like everything was going to come crashing down on me and that my life at that moment would come to an end.

Fearing the fear was where I was in that particular moment.  There are reasons that all of this was coming up, but that detail is for another blog post.  Just recognizing how strong the fear was getting and how much was coming at me, my body went into the defensive mode of survival.

In a Unified Therapy healing session, you don't stay in this moment.  You are taken through it by Dr. Canali gently guiding you to feel in your body, sense what is going on, and remind yourself that it is fear, not the end of the world.

As you go in and begin to connect with the fear in your body, there are often emotions or physical sensations that appear as they did for me that day.  The anger and pain surfaced.  The emotions of sadness and grief showed up.  The point of not being able to stop what had happened to me as a kid was the dynamite ready to ignite.

In this session, I also did one more thing, and that was telling myself that what happened to me many years ago is not happening now.  Dr. Canali, of course, was coaching me through this, but just that realization in that particular moment was a big one for me.  It helped me to connect reality with fear.  It helped me to see that I feared the fear, but that the current reality was different.

Yes, there is a mental exercise in stopping how you deal with fear, but this approach that is so healing and empowering is body centered.  If I didn't deal with what was going on in my body, it would be nothing more than platitudes about how to treat fear.

Most of the time in healing, we deal with fear from an intellectual mind-centered level.  However, fear resides in the body, and if you fail to go in and touch the depths of it within the cells, you're only working with half the healing potential.

The further you can go in and feel it within the body, the more you will supercharge your healing.  Healing from the core of your cells in the body is lasting and life changing.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Being Happy Isn't All It Is Cracked Up To Be

There it is again.  I see it.  We all see it.  Now what in the heck is this person talking about.

Well, girls and boys - its about being happy.  Actually that isn't it is cracked up to be.  We might think it is, but we need to think again.

This happy business needs to have a reality check.  Hey, its okay if being happy is a good thing.  There is nothing wrong with that.  It is just that by only being happy, we're missing out on what true happiness really is.

Let's start off by telling a story to illustrate my point.

You see, in a village far, far, away, there was this little boy that was fighting monsters and evil people every day.  They would come at him constantly and sometimes more than one monster would attack at a time.  He tried to smile through it.  He tried to hide the pain.  He tried to show everyone how strong he was.  They didn't get to see any of what happened to him, they only saw him happy and smiling and acting like the world was okay.

You see, this little boy seemed so happy to everyone.  He smiled all the time.  No one saw anything but a happy little boy.  The only thing is that it was all an illusion.  It was meant to keep people away.  It was meant to hide the enormous pain he felt.  It was meant to evade others so they didn't know the true shame that he experienced.

The worst part is though, being happy all the time to everyone almost killed the little boy.  If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm the little boy.  In 1991, going through a Conversion Disorder, I almost lost my life for good.  Yet, no one saw the pain I buried deep inside so far removed from the happy smiles I gave to everyone.

It is easy to promote the "be happy all the time" agenda through memes and nice little quotes on social media, but in all reality, it isn't all its cracked up to be.  In fact, you can do more harm than good by convincing people that are hurting to just go crawl in their hole and hide.  Sure, that may not be your intent, but it does become the reality.

We really need to learn to be real.  If you're happy - that's great!  If you think you can be happy 100% of the time, then you're missing what happiness is because without sadness - happiness becomes an illusion. There is no happy without sadness.

No, I'm not saying - walk around depressed and in sorrow or pain.  No, I'm not saying you can't try to be happy even when you don't feel that way.  If that's what you're reading, then you're missing the point or I'm failing to explain my thought.

Being happy recognizes the pain and sadness.  It knows the moments when happiness is lost in the woods.  It gives balance between all emotions because without feeling all emotions, you're only one sided.  We need the good with the bad.  We need to feel and experience the range of all there is, not just one emotion.  Otherwise, it is not healthy lifestyle!

There are many people suffering in pain and when they are forced to believe that their pain and hurts and experiences don't matter, it only drives that crap deeper inside.  When you drive it deep down inside,  you're just setting yourself up for a catastrophic healthy failure.

Don't force someone in pain to live in darkness and despair.  Show them your smile, but show them your authentic side where you have the bruises and scars.  All happy all the time is a recipe for disaster and harm.  Be real - be human - be conscious and aware.  Don't disconnect and live in a fantasy world because reality is just too much to deal with.  It will lead you down a very dark path.

We need authentic people in this world.  We need those that can share from a compassionate heart, not one that acknowledges a one-sided view of emotions.  People are hurting and in fact you might be hurting too if all you think is that being happy is the only thing to be.

Take it from someone who almost breathed their last breath trying to be happy all the time!  It doesn't work!

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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My Heart Is Heavy

In less than a month, we have witnessed some horrific moments in this world, especially in this country.  It seems like we are at a crossroads and everyone is attempting to walk down the road that is marked with a "dead end" sign.   I fear that we are getting to a point of no return.

My heart is heavy seeing the news.  In less than a month, we've seen Christine Grimmie shot, the Orlando Shooting took place which killed 49 innocent people and now we've seen someone shot in Louisiana with so many unanswered questions.  We've seen someone be pulled over for a traffic issue only to end up dead.  We've witnessed the horrible unfolding events of Dallas, Texas.  There was an Arab in Ohio that was targeted because of what seems to be someone's fear of a person dressed differently.

(EDITING NOTE:  by the time this publishes, there have been many more instances of violence that had not happened at the time this was written).

How will we rise above where we are?  How will we come together as a nation and civilization?  Or are we doomed to destroy one another out of our fear, beliefs, and ego-based thoughts?

I read social media, and the hatred that is alive and well on these mediums is mind boggling.  There is absolutely no love by those that say they love in God's name.  Okay, I know that's painting a wide brush stroke.  I have friends who love God that don't say these things.  They truly love others.

I see the extremely insensitive social media postings that prove anything but respect for one another.  It is almost as if their beliefs are more important than humanity itself.  It is sad to read and my heart is heavy anytime I see it.

The politicians and church leaders get out there and spread the propaganda of hatred to the world.  The comments I have seen about these shootings or even LGBTq people is mind blowing.  How can we think we have the answers if we spew this horrible rhetoric?

You don't have to believe the same way everyone does, but if you fail to recognize how human an individual is, then you have degraded your own existence and that of the world.  It is not up to others to judge what we do, how we live, or who we are.  It is not up to the few in this country and world to destroy our peace and human nature.

Our journey through life is not easy and if we stand opposed to one another, it will make it that much more difficult.  If we work together, we have a chance of making it and becoming more than we are.  United we stand and divided we fall means so much these days.

My heart is heavy as I see the hatred and fear being spewed as fact and truth.  My heart is heavy as I see humans disrespecting one another and treated each other as less than.

Let's rise above all of this and become more than we are today.  When we are strengthened individually, we give strength to the entire world.  When we tear each other down and harm individuals, we doom the world.

I try hard to not to further the hatred and fear on social media.  There are far too many things said and posted that are not helpful.  They only make the situation much worse.  They only make us less than human.  Be mindful of what you tweet or like or share.  Is it for the highest good of all mankind or is it your own fear that is speaking?

My heart is heavy.  I feel like I have no words to express what will make a difference.  I feel inadequate, but my heart weeps with sadness at the events I see unfold.  My heart is heavy.  My hope still exists that we will rise above this before we've traveled down that dead end road past the point of no return.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Depression Sucks

Some days I don't feel much and other days I feel too much.  Some days I care and other days I could care less.  I feel robbed and cheated and used and abused.  I feel lonely, forsaken, and left alone in this world.

I fight the loneliness, but yet I want to hide in my cave.  I fight the hurt and pain, but yet I can't feel.  I want to love and care, but I've been so hurt that those things feel like sharpened swords flying towards me at high speed.

Depression saddens me, but it is my friend.  Depression is horrible, but at this moment it feels like my solace.  Depression shades everything around me and distorts all that I see.  Depression saddens me.  Depression hurts me.

I see the happy thoughts and I hear the battle cries from all those around me.  The thoughts and cries seem wonderful, if only I didn't live in this darkened world.  I'm reminded of the simple steps to think differently and change my life, but I'm forever chained by depression.

I get up each day, fighting and hoping that things will be different.  I get up each day hoping that depression will have vanished in the night.  I get up each day just hoping and wishing and begging that this will have been one horrible nightmare last night.

Depression sucks.  Depression is horrible.  Depression is like chains that bind you to the point of living a life unlike the one you desire.

I so badly want to flee depression.  I so energetically try to flee depression.  Yet, as I look behind me, I see depression pushing me forward.

Why can't I just stop and punch it in the face?  Why can't I just stop and obliterate it so that it never follows me again.

Why, I ask?

Why?

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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030816

Healing The Itchy Hand Rash, Day 8

Healing The Itchy Hand
Rash, Day 8

For background on this post, please begin at the blog post on November 6, 2011 (Healing The Itchy Hand Rash, Intro).


From My Personal Journal on October 18, 2011

Slight Improvement


I'm seeing slight improvement in my hand but it is no where near 100% or even 75% healed.  The images come up and make me sad.  I struggle to accomplish much in a day because my hand is either swollen and immobile or exhaustion caps my strength.


I'm leery of the images as they haunt me day and night.  Yet, I'm not sure if the images matter anymore.  It seems like another sequel in events I cannot control or change.  Am I avoiding them or am I just at a point in life where I'm no longer spooked.  I feel sadness, despair and hopelessness.  I feel these things intensely.  Yet, I am beginning to doubt that the horror images will make much difference in healing and letting go.

It Wasn't Supposed To Hurt

I signed up some time ago to receive the "Notes From The Universe" in my daily email. While I know there are so many people sending so much stuff, I like this one because it is short, simple and straight to the point. It takes a few seconds to read which is nice because I get so much email in a day.

Here's the link if you wish to check this out and sign up. http://www.tut.com/resources/notes/ It is a free email and no, you don't get spammed with outside stuff. He once in awhile sends you other things but not like most places do. The author of it is Mike Dooley, which has just written a book called "Manifesting Change"

So here's one of these notes from the universe that I received and it was good so I had to pass it along!

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It wasn't ever supposed to hurt, Don. You weren't ever supposed to cry. And I never dreamed you'd sometimes feel so helpless.

Yet, as things have turned out, lots of folks have trouble getting out of bed on cold, dark mornings.

Anyhow, should there also be the occasional pain, tear, or touch of sadness beyond that, please realize these were anticipated, bargained for, and even sought after. As each would illuminate your resiliency, prove your strength, and help you blast through every flimsy notion that would otherwise keep you from seeing that even now I hold you in the palm of my hand and that all things are possible.

Such a deal,

The Universe

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Blog Post & Images (c) 2/4/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

Walk Through Open Doors

Walk through doors that are open and learn from the ones that are closed. I keep being confronted with this concept over and over in my current life. It just fits for me and the reminders show up in many places. I ponder what it means to walk through open doors.

Really, the open doors do not bother me because it seems so simple to walk through them. Of course, there are fears of what may be waiting beyond the door frame. It is an unknown that can only be experienced as one decides to walk through. There is no way to understand what may be found as you step through. In many ways, the open door may be inviting but frightening at the same time.

Closed doors seem much more difficult at this point in my life. In many ways I do not understand why some doors appear to close. I find myself wanting to go up and force the door open because it bugs me to no end that it is closed. It provides a barrier that I am not allowed to walk through. I feel enclosed and confined.

In many ways, I view the closed door as something which was once given permission to me but now has been taken away. I feel deprived, restricted and antagonized by the closed door. In my mind, I wonder what I did wrong to cause the door to close. How did I fail in my life to cause this to happen? I am perplexed and haunted by these thoughts. My thoughts persecute me over and over through out my day.

While I desire to just forget the closed doors, my heart feels sadness for the longing of these doors. Sometimes I wish that these doors would not have been known to me because the pain would be less. However, I know that without these doors being a part of my life, there would be much I would have missed.

Yet, if I solely focus on the closed doors in my life, I will be robbing myself of the joys which are all around me. I will be missing opportunities because my focus will be on the illusion instead of the reality.

The doors that open before me are there to draw me further into life. How can I search and seek what I need in my life while I exist with my eyes closed? How can I walk towards open doors only to get to the door and instead of walking through, I turn around and focus on the closed door behind me?

I know that life is about taking steps forward. Sometimes it is difficult to do this because of the unknown. The closed doors are there for a reason that may not be in clear view at this moment. It is okay to mourn for the loss of the closed door but I remind myself that this gave me the opportunity to reach the next open door of my life.

The closed doors will always be there and they will be a significant part of my life. Closed doors in many ways mean that I am taking steps into deeper awareness of my life. May I rejoice and celebrate the closed doors as I discover what is beyond the next open door.

(Above Picture (c) 5/06/99)

Deep Dark Black Space Of Implicit Memory

There I was - lying on the table - shrouded in complete fear. I could barely feel my left arm and what I could feel was pain that was so intense, I wanted to run and hide and flee. I wanted to crawl under the table, hide in the corner, not do anything that would connect me to the pain I was feeling.

The fears were intense. The questions were strong. Could I do this? Do I really want to do this? This is too hard! All these things were attacking me as if I had come up against an army 100 million times my army of one!

Yet, I had been here before. I had been through these moments in my healing. I knew the process. I was familiar with the feelings, the thoughts, the fears and emotions. Still, my mind seemed like a blank slate. It seemed like all that I knew was not within my grasp. It seemed that reality and pain and being disconnected from my body had all played Russian Roulette, and so the outcome seemed to be impossible to predict.

The more I wanted to flee the pain and hide, the more I felt so alone and lost. My arm at first would barely move, and felt as if the muscles were going to tear apart inside. My body felt as if it was being smashed head first into a wall like a cop frisking a suspect. As the moments wore on, the stiffness invaded my entire body. My body failed to move. It was as if the cells could not turn the ignition on to start their engines. The fears were great. The fears increased. It felt like time had stopped.

Nothing felt safe in that moment. Having someone close to me did not seem to matter. I felt so alone and lost out in space. I felt so engulfed into this deep dark black space that had once again introduced itself to me. While I wanted to flee and run, the stiffness in my body, the pain that ran from my shoulder, led to feeling like I was being stabbed in the neck. It paralyzed me in fear. It seemed like I was getting the crap pounded out of me. It seemed like I had no choice. It seemed like I was destined to live with this.

Yet, I knew I was entering that dark tunnel with the immense darkness of space and time. It was a horrifying and lonely deep black space within me. It was one that I was afraid that if I traveled into, would I be able to find my way back out?

The emotions of sadness intensified, and the tears of feeling all alone and hopeless, void of possibility, swirled around me like a hurricane coming on shore. Emotions of every shape, flavor and color attacked me by a hundred fold as if there was no other moment. The moment of their advance on me, it seemed was now. Thoughts continued to arise, can I do this? Do I want to do this? Can I not go back to where I came from? Can this just be a bad nightmare that will end very soon?

Of course, I knew the answers to these and I knew the struggle. I knew the fight. There was peace beyond this that I had been shown before, but that peace seemed like an impossible dream. Being reminded that I had tools and that this was part of the process was reassuring but the fears laughed in their faces.

And one final last push of going deep into the pain, brought me front and center with the deep dark place I had traveled into. It brought me to a point where I knew I had the strength, the tools and the support to get through this moment. For to stop and turn around now, would only feed the fears and increase the black space. To go head first and take the fears and black space on, I would find something greater than I knew. That one final last push of going deep into the fear and into that which I so badly wanted to escape, gave me the peace I so longed for.

So one last final push into the deepness that engulfed me, while holding on to the fact that there was a way through this - the pain intensified, the fears increased, the sadness overwhelmed me. I stayed connected with my body and kept my eyes on the goal and all at once, my breathing came back to me, the stiffness in my muscles left me, and the pain escaped. My body transformed through all these things into moments of deep peace and insight, showing me all that I could do and had the power to do.

It wasn't magic. It wasn't about the emotions that came up. It was about me connecting to that deep place within myself. It was about connecting with the deep dark black space called implicit memory. The implicit memory has no story, but it holds all the emotions of a lifetime. Its weapon is fear and its strength is feeding from the pain it inflicts upon the body. The only defense is to take it on and say, enough is enough - you're no longer going to rule my life. I have your number! I am in control. I have the power to do this and to continue taking back my life.

I'm once again reminded of just how much power and strength we have within us. We are much more than we often believe, and give ourself credit for. Yet, when the fear looks like a giant before us, we run for cover. In the end, we will soon realize that the giant is filled with nothing more than hot air, and if you poke a needle into it, the giant of fear will deflate.

This is the essence of healing. It is the moment of reclaiming the body. It is about becoming more aware of one's self and finding the insight that we need. Within the body is held vast amounts of information and even though we may feel disconnected to it or afraid of it, looking within is the way to give ourselves life, freedom and hope.

May I remember this each day, for the next time I come up against Implicit Memory disguised as the deep dark black space in my body.


*For more articles, check out the Mind Body Thoughts Blog