Dealing With Stress Showing Up In The Body

Note where you may have pain, discomfort or issues happening in the body.  That is the key to dealing with stress showing up in your body along with making the connection to what is happening in life.

The first thing to do when you notice some pain or discomfort is ask this simple question.  What was happening in my life just before this?  Then create a timeline of events.

You don't have to make this a difficult exercise, just go with what comes to your mind in that moment.  Usually the important facts are right on the tip of your tongue.

If you haven't read the other part to this blog post, make sure you read
Where Does Stress Show Up?

If you start to look at what is happening around the time the pain or discomfort is showing up, you might just find a key that helps you interact with your life differently.  Awareness of what is going on helps lead you to the point of making different choices.

Without that knowledge or awareness, you're missing key bits of information that could alter and change your physical reality or even your mental reality.  We can impact our lives so much and our physical bodies even though we forget that we can.

Go in and feel...

When you think you've discovered what the events were that brought on the pain, try to go in and feel that.  Take a look at it.  Is there anything you can change or alter?  Is it trying to show you something?  It it attempting to connect you with something that you need to do differently in life?

Feel and sense the pain in your body while making the connection.  See what movement or connection you can make to help let it go.  Sounds and very slow connected movements can do wonders to help alleviate stress in addition to breath work.

That's the first part and after that, it is up to you in how you proceed with the knowledge and awareness you have.  It is up to you how you find ways to work with letting that physical stress go. We can of course keep beating our head against the proverbial brick wall, but if we understand that we can interact with our own biology, than we're on the road to making positive changes in our life.

Dealing with stress showing up in our body takes us out of numbing and disconnect.  It brings us back into our body where we can interact with it in a much deeper level.  Someone once said, "Know Thyself" and through the body interaction with pain, we will truly begin to know thyself.

Unfortunately most of us go on autopilot every day of our life trying to get from one activity to the next, one job task to the next and ignoring the greater parts of our life.  If we just stop and notice at some point during our day, we could alleviate much of our suffering.  Numbing and disconnect gets us nowhere, but as humans we tend to keep repeating that which does not work.

This is not just a mental exercise of thoughts and thinking positive.  This is learning to interact with not only our thoughts, but their connection in the body.  If you stop and notice and observe, you will see them, but if you only focus on the mental aspect, you will miss half the healing that is readily available.

It is truly up to us what we allow ourselves to do and how we interact with our biology.  We make the choice.  We can choose to avoid it or we can choose to go in and take a look, thereby giving us a greater awareness of the body we inhabit.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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My Heart Is Heavy

In less than a month, we have witnessed some horrific moments in this world, especially in this country.  It seems like we are at a crossroads and everyone is attempting to walk down the road that is marked with a "dead end" sign.   I fear that we are getting to a point of no return.

My heart is heavy seeing the news.  In less than a month, we've seen Christine Grimmie shot, the Orlando Shooting took place which killed 49 innocent people and now we've seen someone shot in Louisiana with so many unanswered questions.  We've seen someone be pulled over for a traffic issue only to end up dead.  We've witnessed the horrible unfolding events of Dallas, Texas.  There was an Arab in Ohio that was targeted because of what seems to be someone's fear of a person dressed differently.

(EDITING NOTE:  by the time this publishes, there have been many more instances of violence that had not happened at the time this was written).

How will we rise above where we are?  How will we come together as a nation and civilization?  Or are we doomed to destroy one another out of our fear, beliefs, and ego-based thoughts?

I read social media, and the hatred that is alive and well on these mediums is mind boggling.  There is absolutely no love by those that say they love in God's name.  Okay, I know that's painting a wide brush stroke.  I have friends who love God that don't say these things.  They truly love others.

I see the extremely insensitive social media postings that prove anything but respect for one another.  It is almost as if their beliefs are more important than humanity itself.  It is sad to read and my heart is heavy anytime I see it.

The politicians and church leaders get out there and spread the propaganda of hatred to the world.  The comments I have seen about these shootings or even LGBTq people is mind blowing.  How can we think we have the answers if we spew this horrible rhetoric?

You don't have to believe the same way everyone does, but if you fail to recognize how human an individual is, then you have degraded your own existence and that of the world.  It is not up to others to judge what we do, how we live, or who we are.  It is not up to the few in this country and world to destroy our peace and human nature.

Our journey through life is not easy and if we stand opposed to one another, it will make it that much more difficult.  If we work together, we have a chance of making it and becoming more than we are.  United we stand and divided we fall means so much these days.

My heart is heavy as I see the hatred and fear being spewed as fact and truth.  My heart is heavy as I see humans disrespecting one another and treated each other as less than.

Let's rise above all of this and become more than we are today.  When we are strengthened individually, we give strength to the entire world.  When we tear each other down and harm individuals, we doom the world.

I try hard to not to further the hatred and fear on social media.  There are far too many things said and posted that are not helpful.  They only make the situation much worse.  They only make us less than human.  Be mindful of what you tweet or like or share.  Is it for the highest good of all mankind or is it your own fear that is speaking?

My heart is heavy.  I feel like I have no words to express what will make a difference.  I feel inadequate, but my heart weeps with sadness at the events I see unfold.  My heart is heavy.  My hope still exists that we will rise above this before we've traveled down that dead end road past the point of no return.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Dreams Keep Me Awake

Maybe I am sleeping more at night than I realize.  It just seems lately and especially last night that my dreams were keeping me awake.  I can't be certain because it is hard to watch ourselves at night and I think even though we feel like we don't sleep, I have a feeling we do sleep some.

Regardless it seems, these dreams keep me awake.  It wasn't that these were frightening or scary or turned into a nightmare.  Yet, they were about a subject that I would rather not have ruining the hours I can sleep.  It is bad enough in the daytime, but at night, please I beg you dreams, let me sleep.

After some events that I keep seeing come to happen, the dream takes off going to all these childhood homes and places where various events happened.  There are vivid details that I'm not going to share in public, but it is like my only connection to what my memory truly remembers.

I am careful with my memory on these events because I know how things can get twisted and turned around.  Memory is not a linear timeline of every little detail.  Memory is one that drops little bits of facts here and there among the neural system from what I understand.  So, I'm extremely careful with memories and I don't get to entrenched in the smallest details.

Just like last night though on this subject, dreams keep me awake.  It seemed like the details were very true and helped fill in some of the doubts and missing pieces I long for in my life.  I don't think my mind was creating those events as they seemed to just match and feel right.

At least it wasn't a nightmare like I once had.  Although I know that moments like last night can lead to those horrors, I am vigilant and on high alert.  I can only hope that it will just let loose and let me be, not take me under like in times past.

Maybe it is my mind further processing what has happened and if that is so, then these dreams can keep me awake.  If not, then I would kindly request of my mind to please let me sleep peacefully at night.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 12/30/15 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Seeing From A Different Perspective

When I was going through a recent upheaval in life, I thought it was the end of the world.  I wasn't sure how I would get through it.  It felt bigger than me.  It felt like it would never end and I would not make it.  We all have those difficult moments in life.

The surprising thing is, I did make it.  In fact, I'm making it very well now.  There is so much that is happening and doors are opening.  I'm seeing things in an entirely new way and meeting people that are anxious to help me.  It is a complete turnaround from what it was about 3 months ago.

Often we go through experiences and we think they are the worst thing that can happen.  Yet, when we get through them, they look different than they did when we were in the middle of them.  It not only shows us our resilience, but it proves that there is much more at play than what we can sometimes see.

A couple of events happened when I began to step out of this situation which caused me to take further action and make decisions I was not expecting.  As I did those, I had no idea how they would impact my days ahead.  Now I can see that it helped shove me out of the nest.  It pushed me into the direction that I am now going.

Do I still deal with the emotional toll this previous situation was taking on me?  Yes, I do.  However, I'm letting it go more and more and as I do, I'm learning so much more.  I'm seeing so many opportunities that I could not see.  I am impacting the lives of other people in ways I never thought would happen.

Sometimes we go through those difficult moments in life because they are meant for us to take action.  Sometimes we go through those moments because they help us learn.  Yes, I know that if you're in the middle of a horrible situation, you're probably thinking I am nuts.  I've been there.  I truly know how you feel.

Keep putting one foot in front of the other and you will get there.  Everything will work out and I believe it will work out in the way that it is supposed to be.  It might be tough to see it now, but when you get to the other side, take a moment to look back and see it from a different perspective.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 12/15/15 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Learning to Let Go

In the past few months, I've had multiple times where I've had to deal with horrible events.  Events that strangle me emotionally with so much pain, I can barely make it.  None of it is easy.  It seems like no matter where I turn lately, I'm just confronted with loss and pain in one way or another.  Learning to let go is not easy for me.

I'm not trying to say I don't care about someone or some event if I learn to let go.  Its quite the opposite.  I care deeply and I feel it deeply.  I'm a very sensitive person and there is very little that escapes my attention.  What I do feel, I feel with such an intensity that it often overwhelms me.  So learning to let go is not something I say casually or lightly or with callous.

Learning to let go means that I feel all of this, but I don't attach my existence to those feelings and emotions.  It means that I honor and respect those feelings and emotions, but I don't allow myself to become them.  They are there for me to acknowledge, but my life is much more than this.  Again, I'm not saying that we become unattached to their existence, but that we don't attach our purpose in life to them.  It may not be an easy concept to understand in what I am saying.

Mike Lew Upcoming Events 2011 to 2012

I'm very particular in who I publicize events for on this blog and usually they never ask me to do this.  However, there are some people who have had such a significant impact on me, that I publish the information in hopes that it will help others.  Please don't think that by doing this, I do this for everyone.  The criteria for doing so are quite involved and very personal.

So here is Mike Lew's upcoming events in 2011 and 2012.  Please feel free to share this especially with people who are male survivors of child sexual abuse.  Mike is the author of Victims No Longer and Leaping Upon The Mountains.  You may also want to check this video out (blog post November 26, 2010 - Don't Give Up)

List Of Events:

Events Of The Moment

May I be reminded today that I am wrapped in arms of love. Supported by friends, I am truly not alone. The events of the moment taking place in my life are nothing more than what is happening at this point in time. Allowing these events to play out and accepting whatever they have to offer is most important. I realize that I do not need to be controlled or manipulated by what is taking place. There is no reason I need to be stuck and lost in these events. For, I remind myself that I create my day and if I do not desire what I currently am creating, I have the option to change my thoughts.

Body Memories

Body memories (also known as Somatic Memories) have plagued a fair amount of my recovery and healing in my life. At times, they subside and things become much easier for me. However, when they are in full force, I just want to go in a cave and hide from the world and everything around me.

My definition of body memories would be something very physical that happens for no known reason or cause and continues in some type of pattern whether it is from day to day, night to night or some other frequency. Body memories are often accompanied by strong emotions, anxiety, intense fear and often can be associated with body temperature/heart rate or other physical changes in the body. They are a very physical symptom almost as if whatever event they connect to is replaying as if you were going through the same thing in the current moment. During these episodes, it is almost difficult to distinguish what is actually happening and what is replaying out in the body. It is as if the subconscious mind is in control and acting out through the physical body.

Some of the things I have experienced range from more of a nightmare type scenario to times where you could physically see the effects on my body. Without being too graphic here, I have had times where my anal area feels as if I am being raped in the moment with all the pain that brings with it. There have been times that I have been awakened at night by my face being in so much pain and actually swelling up to the point where I had to put an ice pack on it before it would let up. I remember feeling at times like I was being pinned down and held against the bed with no way to physically move. It was as if a weight was actually bearing down upon myself. There have been times where I felt like I was being choked or times when I actually thought one of my own abusers was in the room. Some of the other things I experience are waking up in the middle of the night with deep pain in my groin area but the pain goes and quickly as it arrives. Often it is accompanied by sweating or an intense body heat and extremely restlessness. These are just a few of the things that I've experienced.

The hardest part when you are going through body memories is trying to tell yourself that this is not happening now. It is not actually taking place in this current moment. Yet, I know all to well, that these things give every impression, feel and sensation as if they are taking place in the moment. The physical symptoms are all there, yet the actions that they connect to are not taking place. Keep reminding yourself that these events are not taking place in this moment and that you are safe.

The next hardest part of body memories is trying to keep yourself from thinking you are completely crazy and you've lost track of what is reality. It gets very tough during these times because the lines get so blurred. You've got to keep telling yourself that you are not crazy and these things will pass.

Not giving into the fear but by trying to take the fear on, will give you power over it. Yes, the fear is strong but that is what it is. It is nothing more than fears of something that happened in some previous time. I often think of the bible story about David and Goliath where Goliath the Giant is the fear. Little ol David managed to take down the fear with nothing more than one small rock.

For me, trying to write about these things in my journal is a big help. Often times, these things involve moments that were very embarrassing and filled with shame. They were times when we were powerless against what was going on. So even to give the memories a voice through writing can be a very healing support exercise for anyone going through this. In my own case, trying to talk to anyone about it was very difficult and so writing was my only way of beginning to get this out. I still struggle with wanting to tell anyone about it because of the embarrassment and shame.

Sometimes, I just had to find a way to let some steam off and scream or find some type of physical activity to participate in. Anything that helps you move your arms and body in an intense way followed by some restful moments is a big help in discharging all that comes up during these times of body memories. Anger was always a big part of these things and some times I felt like I wanted to go into a full rage against anything that crossed my path.

While I know that these events can be doorways to further healing, they are still difficult to deal with and keep one's self grounded and centered. If anything will knock you off your center, it is body memories. Trying to help yourself realize that the fear is greater than the reality of the moment is a way to help yourself move through this. Fears can be so great and they give so much energy to body memories but once again, keep telling yourself that these events are not happening right now.

Most of all, find someone you can trust and talk to them. Share as much as you can or as little as you can. If you can find someone that will just be there for you during these times even if it is to sit with you until you feel safe again, do it. For someone that is around people experiencing body memories, sometimes the most you can do for a person in this state is just be there with them and stay with them. The support of someone during this time is tremendous, even if you feel you are not doing much for them. Keep reassuring them that they are ok and that they are going to be ok even though they feel like they won't be. Sometimes, touching them in these moments may not be the best thing unless they can differentiate between you and the act going on. You have to be very grounded yourself to touch them during these times and be prepared for all kinds of emotions to surface.

Body memories are rough and I've went through many episodes of them. Sometimes it gets easier and sometimes it is still rough. Just having support of others who care means so much and helping remind myself that this too shall pass gives me another ounce of energy to make it through the day.

Additional Reading:

• Body Memories
  
• Body Memories or Somatic Memories
  
• What Your Child Remembers
• What Is A Body Memory
  

Through The Touch

Since our body is a storage site that connects the emotions with the events, we are able to affect recovery of these events by connecting them with the body and the mind. It is through the touch and the connection with the body that we make, which provides the connection between the event, the emotions and the mind.

Excerpt from class research paper by Don Shetterly on "Reclaiming Healthy Touch"