Child Abuse Survivors Are Not Alone

Written By Don Shetterly

Far too many times we think we're all alone out in the world.  We believe there is no one else that has suffered through situations like we have.  We see our experiences as isolating us from others, when in fact, many have also walked in similar shoes on the road of life.

When I was first starting to deal with the memories of child sexual abuse, I thought I was alone.  I didn't think anyone understood.  I didn't know there was anyone else that had gone through these things.  Boy, was I so wrong!

In the early days, there were not the online resources that exist today.  There was not a team of therapists and support people that you could reach out to for help.  The internet was beginning to come alive, but resources were few and far between.  I remember going to one of the first support forums for male survivors.

The thing that this place helped the most was letting us all share our experiences and how we were struggling and dealing with them.  When you started to read the things other members wrote, you began to see that you weren't alone.  It was like a shot of a Hallelujah Chorus singing for all the heavens to hear.  It was that powerful.

When you go through abuse, even if the innermost parts of you can determine it is harmful and wrong, there's a part that says, "this is what is normal in life."  When you are a child experiencing these horrendous acts, it blurs the line between what is normal and what is not.  You carry that through into your adult years as if it is a conflicting truth which you have built your life upon.

Knowing that others have gone through experiences I had and that the trauma and abuse were anything but normal, helps significantly in reconciling your life with truth.  It is in that vulnerability that we come to know more of what the truth is.

One of the hardest things for survivors of abuse is feeling like they are alone and no one understands.  I'm grateful that there is a network of support out there for child abuse survivors.  The tricky part comes in getting those to see that they are not alone and others will be there supporting them as they begin their healing journey.

I can almost guarantee you that if you feel you're alone in what you are going through, there are others out there that understand this.  When you meet that individual, you will find a sense of strength and determination in healing from the horrors of your past.  It may not make the path easy, but at least you do not have to do this alone.

 Some great resources

1. Male Survivor
2. Surviving My Past
3. Mind Body Thoughts Blog (this blog)

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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I Struggle To Let Go

 By Don Shetterly

One of the things I believe happens to people who have been traumatized is wanting to remain in control, long after the events are past.   It makes sense in my mind because if control is taken away from you in abuse or other traumatic incidents, then it is the thing that your mind and body attempt to reconcile.

Often we get lost in this during recovery because things just don't fit together.  We strive for a series of events that fit and many times, these events have not surfaced.  It becomes like putting a puzzle together, and the pieces don't fit until you get enough in place to see the puzzle more clearly.

What our rational brain now sees compared to what was happening during the event does not mesh together.  It is like two separate things attempting to operate at the same time, and it just doesn't work.

I struggle to let go of things.  I struggle to let go of control in life.  When this happens, I increase the anxiety and stress in my life.  Yet, even though the best thing for me to do may be letting go, I cling to it as if it is my existence.  I cling to it because it feels familiar.

Unfortunately the more we try to control everything in life, the more difficult we make it.  Sometimes controlling everything is the worst thing we can do, but when you attempt to tell that to a traumatized brain, it laughs in your face as if you know nothing.

These days, there are many ways that most of us don't let go.  You can see it online in social media where someone just has to get that last word or that insult in.  You see in political discussions that no matter what side you are on, someone is not going to let up until they convince you that their ideas are right.

When couples argue, you can see this first hand.  Neither party often wants to give up and let go, for they are right and the other is wrong.  It is so prevalent throughout relationships, and in friends and people we meet every day.

Often times it shows up as "I'm Right, You're Wrong, " but that just brings more harm, strife, stress, and anxiety to the world.  You may prove your point, but you lose all that matters to yourself, your relationships. and your humanity in this world.

It is not easy to let go.  While it may be easy to say or create happy thoughts about letting go, most humans struggle with this.  Even if you're the most enlightened of individuals, this is not easy to do.  We tend to continually hold on to things that we don't need to hold on to in our lives.

Sometimes on social media, I find myself struggling to just walk away from the insults and arguments.  I've had people mock me for being on Oprah, when if they would understand that the show was about male survivors, most likely they would not have been mocking me.

In those times I want to put them in their place, but then I would become just like them.  My mom always told me to not lower myself to their standards, but keep my head held high.  In essence, she was telling me to "just let it go."

I know it isn't easy to let things go.  I struggle with it too, but don't give up that process.  We create a lot of our stress and a lot of anxiety in our lives and the more we can learn to let go, the better off we will be.  It is a continual process of learning and awareness, not just something you write as a happy thought.

Learn from the process, and let the process of learning to let go be your guide to greater awareness and possibility for your future.  That's what I'm striving to do!

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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The Murky Waters Of Forgiveness

All my life I was taught one thing about this concept, and it messed me up for many years.  Forgiveness is something that is often taught in religious homes of all flavors and in the homes of those that have been abused as children.

Forgiveness is taught as a weapon to get the children under control and to be subservient to someone deemed greater than themselves.  It is taught as a manipulation, that you must do this and let the other person off the hook.

These are the murky waters of forgiveness because they distort the truth and manipulate those that are willing to follow.  I used to live in those murky waters of forgiveness and if anyone dared to challenge me, I dismissed them at will.

I've struggled long and hard with forgiveness because in no way do I want those that hurt me so deeply and badly to have one easy moment in their life.  I don't want them to think that what they did was okay.  I don't want them to have an easy life where they don't fully realize what they did to me.  I'm sorry, but I am human and I was horribly abused.

Was nowhere near ready...

I even had one church go as far as have me come up to the front while all these people prayed and laid hands on me.  It was a forgiveness ritual.  The thing is, I was nowhere near ready to even talk about forgiveness and I ended up resenting it even more.

When my mom passed away, I had friends of the family telling me I should forgive.  They thought that I needed to move on in my life.  However, they did not know the family secrets.  It did not stop them from preaching forgiveness to me.  I walked away and said, "enough is enough".

Oprah and Tyler Perry on forgiveness

When I went to the Oprah 200 Male Survivor episode, I heard Oprah and Tyler Perry talking about forgiveness.  I thought, well how special it was that they can forgive.  I wasn't really buying it at the time because I too thought, why would I ever let the abusers off the hook?

What I have learned though is forgiveness isn't what I was taught.  It isn't about going down on your knees and praying for your abusers to be freed from the prison you live in.  It isn't about them.  It is not about them!

Forgiveness is not a process where you wake up one morning and go everything is over.  That is a fallacy on so many levels that is widely practiced today because of religious teaching.  I'm sorry, I don't believe that is how forgiveness works.

I learn to let go...

Forgiveness is a process where I learn to let go.  It is where I allow myself to start disconnecting from all the horrors and hurt and pain I have been through.   It is about my own healing and discovering who I am.  It is about me learning to deal with the anger I have, the pain that permeates the deepest parts of my soul.  It is about letting go of it all and learning to walk forward without all of this.

Forgiveness is not about letting them off the hook.  I fully hold the abusers in my life accountable for what they did.  It is their job to ask forgiveness of themselves and of me.  Until they do that, I will never let them off the hook.  I'm not even sure I could at that point either.

I don't care what my abusers wish from me and need from me.  They destroyed my life, so they no longer get the option of having that control or say in anything I do.  They gave that up when the violated me.

Forgiveness for me is letting go.  It is stepping away from all that hurt; not ignoring it, but working to move on in my life and heal my life.  It is about me becoming all that I can become.  It is about giving myself a chance for the future.

The only person I have any control over is myself, but if I harbor the anger and resentment toward those who did those things, it will have an impact on me physically.  That is not helpful for me.  Forgiveness is what I need to let go of and I do it by healing and becoming all that I am and was meant to be.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Lack Of Control In An Ever Changing World

(by Survive, Thrive And Conquer, Matt)

When Don first contacted me about being a regular columnist for Mind-Body-Thought, I was honored to say the least. We’ve gotten to know each other, initially through twitter, and since then the friendship and mutual respect has blossomed.

As a male survivor of childhood sexual abuse and narcissistic abuse, life takes on a daily set of challenges that can feel overwhelming more often than we may care to admit. It’s that lack of control that can sometimes cause us to spiral out of the small bit of sanctuary that we have created for ourselves to cope with each day.

One of the things that I struggle with on a regular basis, is the feeling of not being able to control my own feelings. As a guy, often times we feel the need to have control of not only ourselves and our feelings, but also our surroundings.

Now, I’m not suggesting that all men feel this way, not wanting to stereotype anyone, but from personal life experience and from those I’ve encountered, this is not a rare occurrence.

It offers a sense of comfort and organization about life. Even if we don’t categorically consider ourselves organized, that feeling of having our mind and thoughts under control, brings a sense of peace in a chaotic world. It’s a feeling of security.

There are limits of course, because not only is the world as a whole, and our little niche on this planet constantly changing and evolving, but our emotions and thoughts can take on a mind of their own at moment’s notice.

the curve ball...

Just when we think things are going pretty good, life throws us a curve ball. It could be a change in our job status, a relationship change, our oldest child moving out of the house, just to name a few. I’m sure you can name a number of similar circumstances that have affected you.

It’s hard enough to roll with the punches, to evolve as life evolves, when you aren’t an abuse survivor. While I’m not suggesting that survivors are any more or less important than any one else, the traumatic past does create an innate sense of helplessness and worry about our current state of being, and what the future holds.

Zero control...

As a survivor, we had zero control over our surroundings, our caregivers, and the circumstances surrounding the abuse itself. That feeling of helplessness carries over into adulthood and can affect our judgment as well as our ability to adapt and cope with life.

When you are groomed to feel helpless and worthless, and to feel like there is no future for you, it’s very easy to slip back into that mindset even long after the abuse has past. Even for the survivor that has spent years and in years in recovery, the past sneaks back up from time to time.

It’s important to first realize that the feeling is normal and natural for someone who has survived so much trauma. It’s also important to not shame ourselves for these feelings, and to give ourselves time to examine them and work through them with “Wise Mind”.

Wise Mind Is...

Wise Mind is the combination of Emotional Mind and Rational Mind. Emotional mind is the reactive, emotionally charged thoughts that often causes us to make rash decisions before thinking them through. Rational Mind is the intellectual, logical approach to the problem.  Wise Mind is the marriage between the two; being able to use the emotions we feel in a healthy, positive way, and logically think through the situation to come to the best conclusion.

Where this is a lot more to it than that simple explanation, being able to validate our feelings and thoughts, while working through each one goes a long way towards regaining a feeling of control of one’s self. Again, always being careful to take time to not self shame, and “sit with” our feelings for as long as we need too. Rushing through anything is never a recipe for success.

Even if we can’t control the way that our mind works, we can learn to control the way that we react to our thoughts and the way that we treat ourselves when faced with a tough decision in life.

As I begin this new column here on Don’s blog, I will be exploring life as a survivor of abuse in a validating, encouraging, and inspiring way so that you will always know that you are not alone no matter what you face in life.

I am on this journey with you and we can continue to heal together.

-Matt

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Matt is a regular columnist on Mind Body Thoughts.  He writes Survive, Thrive and Conquer monthly column.  This article is written by Matt.

To learn more about him and see all his other articles, go to Matt's Page, Survive, Thrive And Conquer.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly and Matt

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Sandusky and Male Child Abuse Survivors

If you have watched the news, you've probably seen the story about the Penn State Football coach and the child abuse victims.  Of course, in the Sandusky trial, you see people suggesting he is too righteous of a person to ever do anything like this.  His wife testifies that she never observed anything going on and his friends act as if he is greater then any saint.

Would I expect much less where someone is on trial for child abuse?  Nope - no way, no how and not in my wildest imagination.  I know of NO and I mean absolutely NO child molesters that readily admit they molest children.  I know of NO friends, family and supporters that would come out and suggest they know anyone is a child molester.  It just doesn't happen in our society and in human civilization.   If you know of any, please share the news story with me.

However, when I saw that the prosecution was ready to call Sandusky's own adopted son, I felt this pit in my stomach.  You see, for male survivors of child abuse, it isn't easy to come forward.  It is not easy for guys (especially younger kids) to even comprehend what is going on, much less how to articulate it.  When young boys are raped and molested, they generally don't have the language or understanding to communicate what is going on.  Part of them may understand it is wrong (if they are even able to do that), but most likely the fear of repercussions will keep them silent.  If they do understand what is going on, there is usually no way on this green earth that they will come forward unless they have a supportive environment to do so.

Mike Lew Upcoming 2012 Events

Books by Mike Lew
Victims No Longer
Leaping Upon The Mountains

Mike Lew has been very instrumental in my own healing and so I'm sharing the list of events he has coming up throughout the world.  If you are a survivor of child abuse or helping those that are, this information is for you.  His books, "Leaping Upon The Mountains" and "Victims No Longer" are excellent resources for a survivor as well as his workshops!  I highly recommend these resources.

Early on in my own recovery, there were no books for male survivors.  The only book I could find at the time was Ellen Bass and most resources were oriented towards women.  We have come a long ways in giving male survivors a voice.  Oprah has helped push that along as well with her 2 part series on male survivors where I was a participant.

Reading Mike's first book "Victims No Longer" helped me realize that I wasn't alone and some of the things that I was experiencing as a result were because of the trauma I had been through in my own life.  His second book, Leaping Upon The Mountains, was a book that I am not only quoted in, but that it helped me to see so many others out there had gone through things and were healing.

Here is a list of events for Mike Lew around the world coming up in 2012.  If these catch your interest, I would urge you to attend.

Mike Lew Upcoming Events 2011 to 2012

I'm very particular in who I publicize events for on this blog and usually they never ask me to do this.  However, there are some people who have had such a significant impact on me, that I publish the information in hopes that it will help others.  Please don't think that by doing this, I do this for everyone.  The criteria for doing so are quite involved and very personal.

So here is Mike Lew's upcoming events in 2011 and 2012.  Please feel free to share this especially with people who are male survivors of child sexual abuse.  Mike is the author of Victims No Longer and Leaping Upon The Mountains.  You may also want to check this video out (blog post November 26, 2010 - Don't Give Up)

List Of Events:

End Of The Oprah Era

It is hard to believe that 25 years have passed with the Oprah Show. I still remember back to that day last fall where I was at the 200 Male Survivor show in the audience. It is a highlight of life and a memory that I will never forget.

In fact, in Oprah's finale on May 25, 2011, she once again highlighted the 200 Men show as one of her most significant moments. It was not hard to locate myself just a few feet behind her. It brought back some wonderful memories of tears. So, here's my farewell message to Oprah or at least until we see her again.

I watched the final show today and you almost made me do the ugly cry. I was one of those 200 men and that event has really turned life upside down for me. I’m not complaining because I know I’m growing through some very difficult moments in life and last October when we taped the show, it was the start of an emotional upheaval for me. I’ll take it... I know it is helping me find my purpose and calling. I always thought life had been a challenge for me up until this point with all I had been through from the abuse to the paralysis and many other things, but since this show it seems like life has thrown things at me one right after another with great speed.

Yet, I’m comforted by many of the words you spoke today. They have given me more resolve to keep going in the midst of difficult and trying times. In the end, I know I will get where I need to be. Right now, I cannot fully see it because my world is filled with moments of confusion and frustration. But I know I’ll get there – after all when I was paralyzed, I knew I would walk again. I had to believe that because it is the only thing that got me up out of that hospital bed!

I stand in awe of the teaching and inspiration you have given to so many throughout the 25 years but I am hopeful of how that will translate exponentially to so many others and impact the world in ways that no one can even begin to imagine. May the legacy not be of what people learned from you but how they went out and gave that to the world (and I’m talking to myself as well).

Thank you Oprah for just being you and sharing your life with your platform.


Further Reading:
1) Oprah - Male Survivors Of Child Sexual Abuse (10/28/10)
2) Oprah, Tyler Perry, 200 Male Survivors Stand Together (11/5/10)
3) Oprah, 200 Men - Part 2 (11/11/10)
4) Conversion (Somatoform) Disorder (11/9/11)
5) Daytona Beach News Journal Interview (11/5/10)



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Blog Post & Images (c) 5/24/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

If any part of this post is used or shared, a link back to this site is required.
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/
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Oprah 200 Men Emmy Award

It is with a great, humbled spirit that I am sharing this video. The Oprah Show, 200 Adult Men Who Were Molested Come Forward, received an Emmy Award for this show. I was one of those 200 men and you may be aware of this if you have followed my blog.

When the producer of the show, Candi Carter, shared how emotional it was for them, it was just as emotional for us. I felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster from the time I was interviewed about the show until it aired and then some time after that. It was gut wrenching at times, frightening at other times and liberating in the same moments. To open up your life and share these things to the world is nothing short of courageous. Each of the 200 men plus the Oprah show staff displayed courage with the 200 men show!

I'm thankful for Oprah and her team along with Tyler Perry for what they did, for not only the 200 of us that were in the show but to all the other survivors out in the world that needed a voice, or just needed to know they weren't alone. When you've been sexually abused as a child, it is difficult to recognize that there are others and that you aren't alone. It takes great guts and determination to heal and move forward from the horrible atrocities that survivors have gone through.


Check this video out of Candi Carter, Senior Producer, talking about the show as they accept the Emmy. Click here for the link to the video



For more information about my experiences on the Oprah 200 Men Show,
1) Oprah, Tyler Perry and200 Male Survivors Stand Together
2) Oprah, 200 Men, Part 1 and 2
3) Read About My Experiences On The Oprah Show
4) Male Survivor, Ray Dotch, on the Gayle King Show



For resources and additional help, please check out the following website
- - Sexual Abuse Resource Center on Oprah.com



Blog Post & Images (c) 5/6/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

Mike Lew Events 2011 to 2012

Here are the upcoming events in 2011 for Mike Lew of Next Step Counseling.org. Please feel free to share this with others you know who might benefit as well. There are many events around the world from the United States to Canada and Australia and beyond. Mike Lew, M.Ed., a psychotherapist and group therapy leader in the Boston, MA area, is co-director of The Next Step Counseling and Training Center.

I've been to a couple of Mike Lew's mini workshops at the conferences for the Voices Organization. Every time I have attended events that he has put on, I have walked away with more insight and healing for my life.

To learn more about these events or Mike Lew and Next Step Counseling at http://www.nextstepcounseling.org

Mike Lew is the author of two books for male survivors, "Victims No Longer" and "Leaping Upon The Mountains" which can be purchased on Amazon or in most bookstores.

Link To Event Details:
http://www.nextstepcounseling.org

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March 26- 29, 2011

Seattle, Washington, USA

One day recovery workshop for male survivors (March 26th ) sponsored by Shepherd's Counseling Services http://www.shepherdstherapy.org/

For more information and registration for the male survivor workshop, contact Shepherd's Counseling Services or info@shepherdstherapy.org

2 days of professional training (March 28 and 29) sponsored by Washington Coalition of Sexual Assault Programs (WCSAP)

For information and registration for the training days (Training Day #1 for therapists/counselors; Training Day #2 for advocates), contact Trisha Smith trisha@wcsap.org
at WCSAP.

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April 9 & 10, 2011

Austin, Texas, USA

Mike will be offering a day long professional training on Saturday, April 9th and a day long male survivor recovery workshop on Sunday, April 10th sponsored by the Hays-Caldwell Women's Center. Details are not yet final. For information and registration contact Beverly Engel BEngel@hcwc.org

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April 29- May 1, 2011

Toronto, Ontario, Canada

A public talk and book signing (April 29th 7-9 PM), and two days of professional training (April 30 and May 1). For further information and registration, contact Dean Colford deanjcolford@live.ca at Mind, Body, and Soul.

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May 7-10, 2011

Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island, Canada

Mike will be doing a 1 1/2 day presentation for social workers, mental health professionals, police, survivors, youth workers, etc. on May 9th and 10th. There will also be an evening presentation for the general public on May 9th and a day long workshop for male survivors on Saturday, May 7th sponsored by the PEI Child Sexual Abuse Advisory Committee and PEI Rape and Sexual Assault Centre. For further information and registration details, contact admin@peirsac.org

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July 2011

AUSTRALIA (and possibly New Zealand): Events are still in the planning stages for Mike's return to Australia in 2011. At this time, only the men's weekend in Victoria and events in Broome, Western Australia have been scheduled. Other events will be posted on the Web site as they are arranged. Our hearts go out to our friends in Christchurch, New Zealand who are recovering from the devastating earthquake.

July 15-17 2011

Maldon, Victoria, Australia

Victims No Longer Weekend #5

Friday 15 July, 6pm – Sunday 17 July, 2pm

South Eastern Centre Against Sexual Assault (SECASA) invites male survivors of sexual abuse/assault to participate in a residential retreat weekend facilitated by Mike Lew, the world renowned author of ‘Victims No Longer, The Classic Guide for Men Recovering from Sexual Child Abuse’, & ‘Leaping Upon the Mountains’.

If you are interested in taking part in an incredible healing journey, please join us. No longer forced to suffer alone, survivors and professionals continue to develop resources and support systems that move the recovery process forward.

This weekend workshop is for non-offending adult males survivors of sexual abuse and rape. It provides a variety of healing activities: sharing of stories, writing exercises, anger work, group discussions, shared creativity, relaxation and even fun in a safe, nurturing environment.

The event is for men who are actively engaged in recovery work, and is not a substitute for therapy/counselling. A letter of recommendation from your counsellor/therapist or support organization should accompany your registration. Considerable attention has been put into creating a safe, nurturing environment respectful of people’s needs

The weekend focuses on the reality of recovery as revealed by male survivors.

The workshop will be held in central Victoria at:
Derby Hill Blue Light Youth Camp, Phoenix Street, Maldon, Victoria 3463

The fee of AU$300 (inc. GST) covers accommodation and all meals. A deposit of AU$50 is required with your booking, with the balance payable by 1st July 2011 (with no refunds after 12th July 2011). Progressive advance payments welcome, following an Invoice request. No one will be turned away through inability to pay in full. A contribution to enable others to attend would be very welcome.

Please obtain an application form for completion, and return together with your deposit or full payment to: Maxwell Clarke – SECASA P.O. Box 72 East Bentleigh 3165 Telephone enquires 9928 8741 Email Maxwell Clarke Maxwell.Clarke@southernhealth.org.au

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July 19-20, 2011

Broome, Western Australia

A day long professional training and a day long male survivor workshop sponsored by Anglicare WA and SECASA. For information and registration contact Karen Fitzpatrick karen.fitzpatrick@anglicarewa.org.au

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August 12-14 2011

Bangor, Pennsylvania, USA

LEAPING UPON THE MOUNTAINS: A MEN'S RECOVERY WEEKEND

Led by Mike Lew & Thom Harrigan

The past years have seen great positive change for people in recovery from childhood trauma, and for males in particular. No longer forced to suffer alone, survivors and professionals continue to develop resources and support systems that move the recovery process forward.

This, our 21st annual weekend workshop is for non-offending adult male survivors of sexual child abuse and other sexual trauma. Our goal is to offer a recovery experience in a safe, powerful environment of shared healing. The Kirkridge Retreat and Study Center is on a beautiful, wooded ridge top in the Pocono Mountains of Eastern Pennsylvania.

The weekend will provide a variety of healing activities: sharing of stories, writing exercises, anger work, other emotional expression, group discussion, shared creativity, relaxation and even fun in a safe, nurturing environment.

As in previous years, if there are sufficient numbers and interest, the workshop will include a special track for survivors of abuse by clergy.

This event for men actively engaged in recovery work is not a substitute for therapy. A letter of recommendation from a therapist/counselor must accompany one's registration. The deadline is July 30th. Space is limited, so please try to register early to secure your place.

Considerable attention has been paid to creating a safe, nurturing environment respectful of participants' needs.The weekend focuses on the reality of recovery as revealed by male survivors.

Led by Mike Lew, M.Ed. and Thom Harrigan, L.I.C.S.W., of The Next Step Counseling in Brookline, MA. Mike is the author of Victims No Longer:The Classic Guide for Men Recovering from Sexual Child Abuse, and Leaping Upon the Mountains: Men Proclaiming Victory Over Sexual Child Abuse. Thom leads groups for male survivors and works extensively with survivors of clergy abuse.

7 PM Friday dinner through Sunday lunch $380.00 includes room, meals, and workshop.

Copy the form section below, paste into a new document, print and mail it to:
Kirkridge Conference and Retreat Center
2495 Fox Gap Road, Bangor, PA 18013
Tel. (610) 588-1793
or register online at www.kirkridge.org

Registration deposits ($190.00) are non-refundable for cancellations within 14 days of the event. Prior to 14 days before the event deposits are refundable except for a $30 administrative fee. If possible, please register at least one month prior and use one form per person/event. Or you can register online at Kirkridge

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"LEAPING UPON THE MOUNTAINS"
August 12-14, 2011

Please Print:

Name:_____________________________

Telephone:__________________(H)____________________(W)

Address:_____________________________City:__________________________

State__________________ Zip_________________

E-Mail address:_______________________________________

Roommate request (all rooms double occupancy):____________________________

Amt. of Deposit Enclosed: $_____________(Balance Due on Arrival)

For Canadian Checks indicate "U.S. Funds" next to the dollar and word amounts.

You may pay by credit card (full amount must be paid when registering by credit card)

___ Visa ___ MasterCard ___ Discovercard

Number_______________________________________

Expiration Date:________ Signature:____________________________________

For Scholarship Fund:____________________(All gifts are tax deductible)

Please note if you have a disability for use in making room assignments

__________________________________________

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October 21-22, 2011

Ithaca, New York, USA

A day long professional training and a one day male survivor workshop sponsored by The Mental Health Association in Tompkins County. For information and registration, contact Josephine Cohen jcgazing@aol.com

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October 29, 2011

Glasgow, Scotland

One day male survivor recovery workshop sponsored by Speak Out Scotland and Rape and Abuse Line. For further information contact Christine Steverson cs@chooseself.com

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November, 2011 (first week of November - date to be determined)

Inverness, Scotland

Day long public event sponsored by Rape and Abuse Line and Speak Out Scotland. For further information contact Julie Fraser project@rapeandabuseline.co.uk

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November 5-6, 2011

Sheffield, United Kingdom

2 day male survivor recovery workshop sponsored by Asylum Associates. For further information contact Peter Bullimore peterbullimore@yahoo.co.uk

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November 8-10, 2011

Sherwood Forest, Nottinghamshire, United Kingdom

Mike will deliver a keynote address and workshop at a three day conference sponsored by Asylum Associates. For further information contact Simon Mullins mullsy@mac.com

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November 12-13, 2011

Wrexham, North Wales

One day professional training (November 12th) and one day male survivor workshop (November 13th) sponsored by FFynnon PPD. For further information contact Jonathan Skipper j.skipper@ffynnonppd.co.uk

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November 19-20, 2011

Oslo, Norway

Weekend male survivor recovery workshop (and possibly a professional training on working with survivors of clergy abuse sponsored by ADAM/The Church Resource Centre Against Violence and Sexual Abuse. For further information contact Lennart Persson Lennart.Persson@kirkens-ressurssenter.no

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May 8, 2012

Niagara Falls, New York, USA

Mike will speak at the 14th annual "Safe at Home: Seeking Solutions for Adult and Child Victims of Violence Conference" sponsored by the Child Advocacy Center of Niagara, Niagara County Department of Mental Health, Department of Social Services, and the Family Violence Intervention Project of Niagara. For further information contact Lisa Lannon Lisa.Lannon@nfmmc.org

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Other events in planning stages: Plans are underway for 2012 events in South Africa. Information will be posted on the Web site as it becomes available.

Visit our Web Site at:
http://www.nextstepcounseling.org

Oprah, Male Survivors Airing March 10

I have found out that the episode of 200 Men (Male Survivors) standing together is airing again on March 10, 2011. This originally aired on November 5, 2010. In case you missed it or want to see this again, make sure you watch the Oprah show on this day. Check the schedule out on Oprah.com in case there are any last minute changes.

It is a good thing that this is showing again because for those that missed it, they will be able to see a very powerful show. I was one of the 200 men that stood together that day saying, no more, no way, no how to child abuse. I won't go into all the details here but if you check out the links below, you can see more about my experiences with this and what it meant to me.

One in six boys (1 in 6) are abused as children before they reach the age of 16. Think about that for a moment. Identify 6 boys that you know and then realize that 1 of them may very likely have suffered through child sexual abuse. It happens far more than we realize and far more than we want to admit in this country.

While everyone is often so afraid of that convicted sex offender living down the street or that perp hiding behind the bushes, most perpetrators of this crime are known to the children. Whether it is family members such as a father, mother, brother, cousin, uncle or even a minster, priest, teacher, boy scout leader, the victims more generally than not, know who the perpetrator is.

Please don't think for a moment that this affects some but does not touch every area of our society. We all are touched by this in one way or another. For when a child is abused (whether they are female or male), their life is altered and they are forced to deal with a living hell as they heal from it. We cannot stand by in our society and let this happen. We cannot turn a blind eye to any indication of this taking place around us.

We must protect our children at all cost. For if we do not stand with our children, we stand opposed to them and condone this behavior.

For more information about my experiences and some of the show highlights and resources, please visit the following links. Let your friends know that this show is airing again. Below this post are easy buttons for you to share this post by facebook, twitter, email and other ways. Please make use of these things and do your part to let the world know.


For More Information and Resources:
1) Oprah, Tyler Perry and 200 Male Survivors Stand Together
2) My Interview in the Daytona Beach News Journal
3) Interview in the Orlando Sentinel - Hal Boedeker Blog
4) Read About My Experiences On The Oprah Show
5) Oprah.com - 200 Men - Resources
6) Male Survivor Organization
7) Don Shetterly Official Website, Author Music Artist, Massage Therapist




Blog Post & Images (c) 3/4/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

Male Survivor, Ray Dotch on Gayle King

Ray Dotch, was the producer from the Oprah show that called and initially interviewed me for the Male Survivor show that Oprah did. I was so impressed with Ray because he was so sensitive, caring and compassionate. It wasn't easy talking to a total stranger and sharing some of the most intimate details of my abuse.

Ray seemed to understand as I was describing some of these events. Little did I fully know at the time just how much he understood. When we got to the taping of the show, Oprah explained how he had come out to her the night before about his own abuse. Seeing him sitting in the audience and sharing some of his story was a moment I will never forget.


In fact, the entire experience of being part of the 200 men who spoke out against child abuse was something that still has a profound effect upon me today. Seeing men who are male survivors come forward and begin to heal brings joy to my heart that this experience was worth every moment of the emotional roller coaster that I went through.

I'm proud that Ray and many others, including myself, had the courage to come out in such a public way and let the world know that child abuse was not okay and that those who have been through this are not alone. I'm proud of Oprah for doing this show and giving it the much needed attention it deserves. There are other TV shows out there that make a mockery out of male survivors to get ratings but Oprah and Ray Dotch along with their entire staff did an excellent job of respecting those of us who have experienced child abuse.

Listen to the clip from the Gayle King show

Ray Dotch Takes A Stand Against Male Sexual Abuse




For Further Reading:
Oprah Tyler Perry and 200 Male Survivors Stand Together




Blog Post & Images (c) 1/24/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only

Suicide Of A Child Abuse Survivor

I saw this posted on gizmodo.com and while I don't really know much about Bill Zeller, this is a tragic story. Of course, I have no way to confirm all the facts other than what I can read online by those who seemed to know him.

Many of the things he wrote about make perfect sense to me because I experienced some of the same attitudes that he did and still do to this day. Parts of his story really connect to parts of my story. While I find it sad that he chose to take his own life and not deal with the darkness he suffered through, I can fully understand. I've walked in those same shoes as many others have.

People try to get me to understand all the time how great Church and Fundamentalist Christians are. I do know some that are wonderful people and live their life in a way that displays what they know and believe. However, there are many horrible people taking refuge in churches while those around them could not even identify these same people. We tend to keep our eyes closed to that which we do not want to see. For those friends of mine who practice what they preach, my hat is off to you. For those that are the scourge of our society who hide in the refuge of the church, may you be exposed for who you are and may those around you wake up!

This is a difficult piece to read but I truly feel that until everyone in this world understands what survivors of child abuse go through, these words need to be told. If you have experienced the darkness that Bill Zeller, myself and many others have, please know you are not alone. You no longer need to suffer in silence. Many of us are out there and there is help, there is hope and there is healing - even if it seems like life is at the end. Please reach out to someone that you trust and ask for help. Here is what Bill Zeller left behind.

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Reprinted from http://documents.from.bz/note.txt

Note Written and Left Behind By Bill Zeller

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I have the urge to declare my sanity and justify my actions, but I assume I'll never be able to convince anyone that this was the right decision. Maybe it's true that anyone who does this is insane by definition, but I can at least explain my reasoning. I considered not writing any of this because of how personal it is, but I like tying up loose ends and don't want people to wonder why I did this. Since I've never spoken to anyone about what happened to me, people would likely
draw the wrong conclusions.

My first memories as a child are of being raped, repeatedly. This has affected every aspect of my life. This darkness, which is the only way I can describe it, has followed me like a fog, but at times intensified and overwhelmed me, usually triggered by a distinct situation. In kindergarten I couldn't use the bathroom and would stand petrified whenever I needed to, which started a trend of awkward and unexplained social behavior. The damage that was done to my body still prevents me from using the bathroom normally, but now it's less of a physical impediment than a daily reminder of what was done to me.

This darkness followed me as I grew up. I remember spending hours playing with legos, having my world consist of me and a box of cold, plastic blocks. Just waiting for everything to end. It's the same thing I do now, but instead of legos it's surfing the web or reading or listening to a baseball game. Most of my life has been spent feeling dead inside, waiting for my body to catch up.

At times growing up I would feel inconsolable rage, but I never connected this to what happened until puberty. I was able to keep the darkness at bay for a few hours at a time by doing things that required intense concentration, but it would always come back. Programming appealed to me for this reason. I was never particularly fond of computers or mathematically inclined, but the temporary peace it would provide was like a drug. But the darkness always returned and built up something like a tolerance, because programming has become less and less of a refuge.

The darkness is with me nearly every time I wake up. I feel like a grime is covering me. I feel like I'm trapped in a contaminated body that no amount of washing will clean. Whenever I think about what happened I feel manic and itchy and can't concentrate on anything else. It manifests itself in hours of eating or staying up for days at a time or sleeping for sixteen hours straight or week long programming binges or constantly going to the gym. I'm exhausted from feeling like this every hour of every day.

Three to four nights a week I have nightmares about what happened. It makes me avoid sleep and constantly tired, because sleeping with what feels like hours of nightmares is not restful. I wake up sweaty and furious. I'm reminded every morning of what was done to me and the
control it has over my life.

I've never been able to stop thinking about what happened to me and this hampered my social interactions. I would be angry and lost in thought and then be interrupted by someone saying "Hi" or making small talk, unable to understand why I seemed cold and distant.

I walked around, viewing the outside world from a distant portal behind my eyes, unable to perform normal human niceties. I wondered what it would be like to take to other people without what happened constantly on my mind, and I wondered if other people had similar experiences that they were better able to mask.

Alcohol was also something that let me escape the darkness. It would always find me later, though, and it was always angry that I managed to escape and it made me pay. Many of the irresponsible things I did were the result of the darkness. Obviously I'm responsible for every decision and action, including this one, but there are reasons why things happen the way they do.

Alcohol and other drugs provided a way to ignore the realities of my situation. It was easy to spend the night drinking and forget that I had no future to look forward to. I never liked what alcohol did to me, but it was better than facing my existence honestly. I haven't touched alcohol or any other drug in over seven months (and no drugs or alcohol will be involved when I do this) and this has forced me to evaluate my life in an honest and clear way. There's no future here. The darkness will always be with me.

I used to think if I solved some problem or achieved some goal, maybe he would leave. It was comforting to identify tangible issues as the source of my problems instead of something that I'll never be able to change. I thought that if I got into to a good college, or a good grad school, or lost weight, or went to the gym nearly every day for a year, or created programs that millions of people used, or spent a summer or California or New York or published papers that I was proud of, then maybe I would feel some peace and not be constantly haunted and unhappy. But nothing I did made a dent in how depressed I was on a daily basis and nothing was in any way fulfilling. I'm not sure why I ever thought that would change anything.

I didn't realize how deep a hold he had on me and my life until my first relationship. I stupidly assumed that no matter how the darkness affected me personally, my romantic relationships would somehow be separated and protected. Growing up I viewed my future relationships as a possible escape from this thing that haunts me every day, but I began to realize how entangled it was with every aspect of my life and how it is never going to release me. Instead of being an escape, relationships and romantic contact with other people only intensified everything about him that I couldn't stand. I will never be able to have a relationship in which he is not the focus, affecting every aspect of my romantic interactions.

Relationships always started out fine and I'd be able to ignore him for a few weeks. But as we got closer emotionally the darkness would return and every night it'd be me, her and the darkness in a black and gruesome threesome. He would surround me and penetrate me and the more we did the more intense it became. It made me hate being touched, because as long as we were separated I could view her like an outsider viewing something good and kind and untainted. Once we touched, the darkness would envelope her too and take her over and the evil inside me would surround her. I always felt like I was infecting anyone I was with.

Relationships didn't work. No one I dated was the right match, and I thought that maybe if I found the right person it would overwhelm him. Part of me knew that finding the right person wouldn't help, so I became interested in girls who obviously had no interest in me. For a while I thought I was gay. I convinced myself that it wasn't the darkness at all, but rather my orientation, because this would give me control over why things didn't feel "right".

The fact that the darkness affected sexual matters most intensely made this idea make some sense and I convinced myself of this for a number of years, starting in college after my first relationship ended. I told people I was gay (at Trinity, not at Princeton), even though I wasn't attracted to men and kept finding myself interested in girls. Because if being gay wasn't the answer, then what was? People thought I was avoiding my orientation, but I was actually avoiding the truth, which is that while I'm straight, I will never be content with anyone. I know now that the darkness will never leave.

Last spring I met someone who was unlike anyone else I'd ever met. Someone who showed me just how well two people could get along and how much I could care about another human being. Someone I know I could be with and love for the rest of my life, if I weren't so fucked up. Amazingly, she liked me. She liked the shell of the man the darkness had left behind. But it didn't matter because I couldn't be alone with her. It was never just the two of us, it was always the three of us: her, me and the darkness. The closer we got, the more intensely I'd feel the darkness, like some evil mirror of my emotions. All the closeness we had and I loved was complemented by agony that I couldn't stand, from him. I realized that I would never be able to give her, or anyone, all of me or only me. She could never have me without the darkness and evil inside me. I could never have just her, without the darkness being a part of all of our interactions.

I will never be able to be at peace or content or in a healthy relationship. I realized the futility of the romantic part of my life. If I had never met her, I would have realized this as soon as I met someone else who I meshed similarly well with. It's likely that things wouldn't have worked out with her and we would have broken up (with our relationship ending, like the majority of relationships do) even if I didn't have this problem, since we only dated for a short time. But I will face exactly the same problems with the darkness with anyone else. Despite my hopes, love and compatibility is not enough. Nothing is enough. There's no way I can fix this or even push the darkness down far enough to make a relationship or any type of intimacy feasible.

So I watched as things fell apart between us. I had put an explicit time limit on our relationship, since I knew it couldn't last because of the darkness and didn't want to hold her back, and this caused a variety of problems. She was put in an unnatural situation that she never should have been a part of. It must have been very hard for her, not knowing what was actually going on with me, but this is not something I've ever been able to talk about with anyone. Losing her was very hard for me as well. Not because of her (I got over our relationship relatively quickly), but because of the realization that I would never have another relationship and because it signified the last true, exclusive personal connection I could ever have.

This wasn't apparent to other people, because I could never talk about the real reasons for my sadness. I was very sad in the summer and fall, but it was not because of her, it was because I will never escape the darkness with anyone. She was so loving and kind to me and gave me everything I could have asked for under the circumstances. I'll never forget how much happiness she brought me in those briefs moments when I could ignore the darkness. I had originally planned to kill myself last winter but never got around to it. (Parts of this letter were written over a year ago, other parts days before doing this.) It was wrong of me to involve myself in her life if this were a possibility and I should have just left her alone, even though we only dated for a few months and things ended a long time ago. She's just one more person in a long list of people I've hurt.

I could spend pages talking about the other relationships I've had that were ruined because of my problems and my confusion related to the darkness. I've hurt so many great people because of who I am and my inability to experience what needs to be experienced. All I can say is that I tried to be honest with people about what I thought was true.

I've spent my life hurting people. Today will be the last time.

I've told different people a lot of things, but I've never told anyone about what happened to me, ever, for obvious reasons. It took me a while to realize that no matter how close you are to someone or how much they claim to love you, people simply cannot keep secrets. I learned this a few years ago when I thought I was gay and told people. The more harmful the secret, the juicier the gossip and the more likely you are to be betrayed. People don't care about their word or what they've promised, they just do whatever the fuck they want and justify it later. It feels incredibly lonely to realize you can never share something with someone and have it be between just the two of you. I don't blame anyone in particular, I guess it's just how people are. Even if I felt like this is something I could have shared, I have no interest in being part of a friendship or relationship where the other person views me as the damaged and contaminated person that I am. So even if I were able to trust someone, I probably would not have told them about what happened to me. At this point I simply don't care who knows.

I feel an evil inside me. An evil that makes me want to end life. I need to stop this. I need to make sure I don't kill someone, which is not something that can be easily undone. I don't know if this is related to what happened to me or something different. I recognize the irony of killing myself to prevent myself from killing someone else, but this decision should indicate what I'm capable of.

So I've realized I will never escape the darkness or misery associated with it and I have a responsibility to stop myself from physically harming others.

I'm just a broken, miserable shell of a human being. Being molested has defined me as a person and shaped me as a human being and it has made me the monster I am and there's nothing I can do to escape it. I don't know any other existence. I don't know what life feels like where I'm apart from any of this. I actively despise the person I am. I just feel fundamentally broken, almost non-human. I feel like an animal that woke up one day in a human body, trying to make sense of a foreign world, living among creatures it doesn't understand and can't connect with.

I have accepted that the darkness will never allow me to be in a relationship. I will never go to sleep with someone in my arms, feeling the comfort of their hands around me. I will never know what uncontaminated intimacy is like. I will never have an exclusive bond with someone, someone who can be the recipient of all the love I have to give. I will never have children, and I wanted to be a father so badly. I think I would have made a good dad. And even if I had fought through the darkness and married and had children all while being unable to feel intimacy, I could have never done that if suicide were a possibility. I did try to minimize pain, although I know that this decision will hurt many of you. If this hurts you, I hope that you can at least forget about me quickly.

There's no point in identifying who molested me, so I'm just going to leave it at that. I doubt the word of a dead guy with no evidence about something that happened over twenty years ago would have much sway.

You may wonder why I didn't just talk to a professional about this. I've seen a number of doctors since I was a teenager to talk about other issues and I'm positive that another doctor would not have helped. I was never given one piece of actionable advice, ever. More than a few spent a large part of the session reading their notes to remember who I was. And I have no interest in talking about being raped as a child, both because I know it wouldn't help and because I have no confidence it would remain secret. I know the legal and practical limits of doctor/patient confidentiality, growing up in a house where we'd hear stories about the various mental illnesses of famous people, stories that were passed down through generations. All it takes is one doctor who thinks my story is interesting enough to share or a doctor who thinks it's her right or responsibility to contact the authorities and have me identify the molester (justifying her decision by telling herself that someone else might be in danger). All it takes is a single doctor who violates my trust, just like the "friends" who I told I was gay did, and everything would be made public and I'd be forced to live in a world where people would know how fucked up I am. And yes, I realize this indicates that I have severe trust issues, but they're based on a large number of experiences with people who have shown a profound disrespect for their word and the privacy of others.

People say suicide is selfish. I think it's selfish to ask people to continue living painful and miserable lives, just so you possibly won't feel sad for a week or two. Suicide may be a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but it's also a permanent solution to a ~23 year-old problem that grows more intense and overwhelming every day.

Some people are just dealt bad hands in this life. I know many people have it worse than I do, and maybe I'm just not a strong person, but I really did try to deal with this. I've tried to deal with this every day for the last 23 years and I just can't fucking take it anymore.

I often wonder what life must be like for other people. People who can feel the love from others and give it back unadulterated, people who can experience sex as an intimate and joyous experience, people who can experience the colors and happenings of this world without constant
misery. I wonder who I'd be if things had been different or if I were a stronger person. It sounds pretty great.

I'm prepared for death. I'm prepared for the pain and I am ready to no longer exist. Thanks to the strictness of New Jersey gun laws this will probably be much more painful than it needs to be, but what can you do. My only fear at this point is messing something up and surviving.

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I'd also like to address my family, if you can call them that. I despise everything they stand for and I truly hate them, in a non-emotional, dispassionate and what I believe is a healthy way. The world will be a better place when they're dead--one with less hatred and intolerance.

If you're unfamiliar with the situation, my parents are fundamentalist Christians who kicked me out of their house and cut me off financially when I was 19 because I refused to attend seven hours of church a week.

They live in a black and white reality they've constructed for themselves. They partition the world into good and evil and survive by hating everything they fear or misunderstand and calling it love. They don't understand that good and decent people exist all around us, "saved" or not, and that evil and cruel people occupy a large percentage of their church. They take advantage of people looking for hope by teaching them to practice the same hatred they practice.

A random example:

"I am personally convinced that if a Muslim truly believes and obeys the Koran, he will be a terrorist." - George Zeller, August 24, 2010.

If you choose to follow a religion where, for example, devout Catholics who are trying to be good people are all going to Hell but child molesters go to Heaven (as long as they were "saved" at some point), that's your choice, but it's fucked up. Maybe a God who operates by those rules does exist. If so, fuck Him.

Their church was always more important than the members of their family and they happily sacrificed whatever necessary in order to satisfy their contrived beliefs about who they should be.

I grew up in a house where love was proxied through a God I could never believe in. A house where the love of music with any sort of a beat was literally beaten out of me. A house full of hatred and intolerance, run by two people who were experts at appearing kind and warm when others were around. Parents who tell an eight year old that his grandmother is going to Hell because she's Catholic. Parents who claim not to be racist but then talk about the horrors of miscegenation. I could list hundreds of other examples, but it's tiring.

Since being kicked out, I've interacted with them in relatively normal ways. I talk to them on the phone like nothing happened. I'm not sure why. Maybe because I like pretending I have a family. Maybe I like having people I can talk to about what's been going on in my life. Whatever the reason, it's not real and it feels like a sham. I should have never allowed this reconnection to happen.

I wrote the above a while ago, and I do feel like that much of the time. At other times, though, I feel less hateful. I know my parents honestly believe the crap they believe in. I know that my mom, at least, loved me very much and tried her best. One reason I put this off for so long is because I know how much pain it will cause her. She has been sad since she found out I wasn't "saved", since she believes I'm going to Hell, which is not a sadness for which I am responsible. That was never going to change, and presumably she believes the state of my physical body is much less important than the state of my soul. Still, I cannot intellectually justify this decision, knowing how much it will hurt her. Maybe my ability to take my own life, knowing how much pain it will cause, shows that I am a monster who doesn't deserve to live. All I know is that I can't deal with this pain any longer and I'm am truly sorry I couldn't wait until my family and everyone I knew died so this could be done without hurting anyone. For years I've wished that I'd be hit by a bus or die while saving a baby from drowning so my death might be more acceptable, but I was never so lucky.

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To those of you who have shown me love, thank you for putting up with all my shittiness and moodiness and arbitrariness. I was never the person I wanted to be. Maybe without the darkness I would have been a better person, maybe not. I did try to be a good person, but I realize I never got very far.

I'm sorry for the pain this causes. I really do wish I had another option. I hope this letter explains why I needed to do this. If you can't understand this decision, I hope you can at least forgive me.

Bill Zeller

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Please save this letter and repost it if gets deleted. I don't want people to wonder why I did this. I disseminated it more widely than I might have otherwise because I'm worried that my family might try to restrict access to it. I don't mind if this letter is made public. In fact, I'd prefer it be made public to people being unable to read it and drawing their own conclusions.

Feel free to republish this letter, but only if it is reproduced in its entirety.

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End Of Bill Zeller's Letter

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For Further Information:
Gizmodo.com - The Agonizing Last Words Of Programmer Bill Zeller
Metatalk.Metafilter.com - RIP Bill Zeller
Bill Zeller - Suicide Note
Bill Zeller - Website


Male Survivor Resources
Hope And Possibility Through Trauma
Oprah - Male Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse, Part 1
Oprah - Male Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse, Part 2
Oprah, Tyler Perry and 200 Male Survivors Stand Together
Daily Affirmations For Male Survivors
Resources For Survivors
Male Survivor.Org


Whatever you do, if you are a survivor, please get help! Yes, it is not easy to take that step but it is worth it. There is hope!

Mke Lew 2011 Events

Here are the upcoming events in 2011 for Mike Lew of Next Step Counseling.org. Please feel free to share this with others you know who might benefit as well. There are many events around the world from the United States to Canada and Australia and beyond. Mike Lew, M.Ed., a psychotherapist and group therapy leader in the Boston, MA area, is co-director of The Next Step Counseling and Training Center.

I've been to a couple of Mike Lew's mini workshops at the conferences for the Voices Organization. Every time I have attended events that he has put on, I have walked away with more insight and healing for my life.

To learn more about these events or Mike Lew and Next Step Counseling at http://www.nextstepcounseling.org

Mike Lew is the author of two books for male survivors, "Victims No Longer" and "Leaping Upon The Mountains" which can be purchased on Amazon or in most bookstores.

Link To Event Details:
http://www.nextstepcounseling.org/upcomingevents2.htm


2011 EVENTS:


February 25-27 2011
Bangor, Pennsylvania, USA
Allies in Recovery: A Couples Workshop
Led by Mike Lew and Thom Harrigan
Allies in Recovery
A Weekend Workshop for Sexual Abuse Survivors and their Partners
This weekend workshop is designed for couples where one or both of the partners is a non-offending survivor of sexual child abuse, rape, physical violence, emotional abuse and/or neglect. It is open to heterosexual, gay, and lesbian couples in committed relationships. Our goal is to offer a safe, encouraging environment of healing for each partner and the couple.
For more information and registration: http://www.kirkridge.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=318&Itemid=
7 PM Friday dinner through Sunday lunch $650.00 per couple includes room, meals, and workshop.

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March 4, 2011
Huntington, Long Island, New York, USA
Mike Lew and Carol Forgash will deliver keynote addresses and offer workshops at the Conference of the Long Island Committee on Sexual Abuse & Family Violence. Details will be posted when arranged. For further information: Holly Beck

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March 28 & 29, 2011
Seattle, Washington, USA
2 days of professional training (and possibly a one day male survivor workshop on March 26th still to be determined) sponsored by Washington Coalition of Sexual Assault Programs (WCSAP)
Details will be added as they are made final.
For more information and registration: Trisha Smith
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April 9 & 10, 2011
Austin, Texas, USA
Mike will be offering a day long professional training on Saturday, April 9th and a day long male survivor recovery workshop on Sunday, April 10th sponsored by the Hays-Caldwell Women's Center. Details are not yet final. For information and registration contact Beverly Engel: BEngel@hcwc.org

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May 7-10, 2011
Prince Edward Island, Canada
Mike will be doing a 1 1/2 day presentation for social workers, mental health professionals, police, survivors, youth workers, etc. on May 9th and 10th. There will also be an evening presentation for the general public on May 9th and a workshop for male survivors (details will be posted once confirmed) on Saturday, May 7th sponsored by the PEI Child Sexual Abuse Advisory Committee and PEI Rape and Sexual Assault Centre For further information and registration details contact Sigrid Rolfe: admin@peirsac.org

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July 15-17, 2011
Maldon, Victoria, Australia
AUSTRALIA: Events are still in the planning stages for Mike's return to Australia in 2011. At this time, only the men's weekend in Victoria and events in Broome, Western Australia have been scheduled. Other events will be posted on the Web site as they are arranged.

Victims No Longer Weekend #5
Friday 15 July, 6pm – Sunday 17 July, 2pm
South Eastern Centre Against Sexual Assault (SECASA) invites male survivors of sexual abuse/assault to participate in a residential retreat weekend facilitated by Mike Lew, the world renowned author of ‘Victims No Longer, The Classic Guide for Men Recovering from Sexual Child Abuse’, & ‘Leaping Upon the Mountains’.

If you are interested in taking part in an incredible healing journey, please join us. No longer forced to suffer alone, survivors and professionals continue to develop resources and support systems that move the recovery process forward.

This weekend workshop is for non-offending adult males survivors of sexual abuse and rape. It provides a variety of healing activities: sharing of stories, writing exercises, anger work, group discussions, shared creativity, relaxation and even fun in a safe, nurturing environment.
The event is for men who are actively engaged in recovery work, and is not a substitute for therapy/counseling. A letter of recommendation from your counselor/therapist or support organization should accompany your registration. Considerable attention has been put into creating a safe, nurturing environment respectful of people’s needs
The weekend focuses on the reality of recovery as revealed by male survivors.

The workshop will be held in central Victoria at:
Derby Hill Blue Light Youth Camp, Phoenix Street, Maldon, Victoria 3463
The fee of AU$300 (inc. GST) covers accommodation and all meals. A deposit of AU$50 is required with your booking, with the balance payable by 1st July 2011 (with no refunds after 12th July 2011). Progressive advance payments welcome, following an Invoice request. No one will be turned away through inability to pay in full. A contribution to enable others to attend would be very welcome.

Please obtain an application form for completion, and return together with your deposit or full payment to: Maxwell Clarke – SECASA
P.O. Box 72 East Bentleigh 3165 Telephone enquires 9928 8741
Email Maxwell Clarke

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July 19-20, 2011
Broome, Western Australia
A day long professional training and a day long male survivor workshop sponsored by Anglicare WA and SECASA. For information and registration contact Karen Fitzpatrick: karen.fitzpatrick@anglicarewa.org.au

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August 12-14 2011
Bangor, Pennsylvania, USA
LEAPING UPON THE MOUNTAINS: A MEN'S RECOVERY WEEKEND
Led by Mike Lew & Thom Harrigan
The past years have seen great positive change for people in recovery from childhood trauma, and for males in particular. No longer forced to suffer alone, survivors and professionals continue to develop resources and support systems that move the recovery process forward.

This, our 21st annual weekend workshop is for non-offending adult male survivors of sexual child abuse and other sexual trauma. Our goal is to offer a recovery experience in a safe, powerful environment of shared healing. The Kirkridge Retreat and Study Center is on a beautiful, wooded ridge top in the Pocono Mountains of Eastern Pennsylvania.
The weekend will provide a variety of healing activities: sharing of stories, writing exercises, anger work, other emotional expression, group discussion, shared creativity, relaxation and even fun in a safe, nurturing environment. As in previous years, if there are sufficient numbers and interest, the workshop will include a special track for survivors of abuse by clergy.

This event for men actively engaged in recovery work is not a substitute for therapy. A letter of recommendation from a therapist/counselor must accompany one's registration. The deadline is July 30th. Space is limited, so please try to register early to secure your place.

Considerable attention has been paid to creating a safe, nurturing environment respectful of participants' needs.The weekend focuses on the reality of recovery as revealed by male survivors.

Led by Mike Lew, M.Ed. and Thom Harrigan, L.I.C.S.W., of The Next Step Counseling in Brookline, MA. Mike is the author of Victims No Longer:The Classic Guide for Men Recovering from Sexual Child Abuse, and Leaping Upon the Mountains: Men Proclaiming Victory Over Sexual Child Abuse. Thom leads groups for male survivors and works extensively with survivors of clergy abuse.

7 PM Friday dinner through Sunday lunch $380.00 includes room, meals, and workshop.
Copy the form section below, paste into a new document, print and mail it to:
Kirkridge Conference and Retreat Center
2495 Fox Gap Road, Bangor, PA 18013
Tel. (610) 588-1793

Registration deposits ($190.00) are non-refundable for cancellations within 14 days of the event. Prior to 14 days before the event deposits are refundable except for a $30 administrative fee. If possible, please register at least one month prior and use one form per person/event. Or you can register online at Kirkridge

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Other 2011-12 events in planning stages: Plans are underway for events in Manchester (England) in September, 2011, South Africa (2012), Niagara Falls, NY (2012). Information will be posted on the Web site as it becomes available.

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One more exciting event: I have just returned from Taiwan where I conducted a number of professional training days (8 training days in three cities) coordinated with the release of the Chinese translation of Victims No Longer. For ordering information contact PsyGarden Publishing: service@psygarde.com.tw