Child Abuse Survivors Are Not Alone

Written By Don Shetterly

Far too many times we think we're all alone out in the world.  We believe there is no one else that has suffered through situations like we have.  We see our experiences as isolating us from others, when in fact, many have also walked in similar shoes on the road of life.

When I was first starting to deal with the memories of child sexual abuse, I thought I was alone.  I didn't think anyone understood.  I didn't know there was anyone else that had gone through these things.  Boy, was I so wrong!

In the early days, there were not the online resources that exist today.  There was not a team of therapists and support people that you could reach out to for help.  The internet was beginning to come alive, but resources were few and far between.  I remember going to one of the first support forums for male survivors.

The thing that this place helped the most was letting us all share our experiences and how we were struggling and dealing with them.  When you started to read the things other members wrote, you began to see that you weren't alone.  It was like a shot of a Hallelujah Chorus singing for all the heavens to hear.  It was that powerful.

When you go through abuse, even if the innermost parts of you can determine it is harmful and wrong, there's a part that says, "this is what is normal in life."  When you are a child experiencing these horrendous acts, it blurs the line between what is normal and what is not.  You carry that through into your adult years as if it is a conflicting truth which you have built your life upon.

Knowing that others have gone through experiences I had and that the trauma and abuse were anything but normal, helps significantly in reconciling your life with truth.  It is in that vulnerability that we come to know more of what the truth is.

One of the hardest things for survivors of abuse is feeling like they are alone and no one understands.  I'm grateful that there is a network of support out there for child abuse survivors.  The tricky part comes in getting those to see that they are not alone and others will be there supporting them as they begin their healing journey.

I can almost guarantee you that if you feel you're alone in what you are going through, there are others out there that understand this.  When you meet that individual, you will find a sense of strength and determination in healing from the horrors of your past.  It may not make the path easy, but at least you do not have to do this alone.

 Some great resources

1. Male Survivor
2. Surviving My Past
3. Mind Body Thoughts Blog (this blog)

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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The Murky Waters Of Forgiveness

All my life I was taught one thing about this concept, and it messed me up for many years.  Forgiveness is something that is often taught in religious homes of all flavors and in the homes of those that have been abused as children.

Forgiveness is taught as a weapon to get the children under control and to be subservient to someone deemed greater than themselves.  It is taught as a manipulation, that you must do this and let the other person off the hook.

These are the murky waters of forgiveness because they distort the truth and manipulate those that are willing to follow.  I used to live in those murky waters of forgiveness and if anyone dared to challenge me, I dismissed them at will.

I've struggled long and hard with forgiveness because in no way do I want those that hurt me so deeply and badly to have one easy moment in their life.  I don't want them to think that what they did was okay.  I don't want them to have an easy life where they don't fully realize what they did to me.  I'm sorry, but I am human and I was horribly abused.

Was nowhere near ready...

I even had one church go as far as have me come up to the front while all these people prayed and laid hands on me.  It was a forgiveness ritual.  The thing is, I was nowhere near ready to even talk about forgiveness and I ended up resenting it even more.

When my mom passed away, I had friends of the family telling me I should forgive.  They thought that I needed to move on in my life.  However, they did not know the family secrets.  It did not stop them from preaching forgiveness to me.  I walked away and said, "enough is enough".

Oprah and Tyler Perry on forgiveness

When I went to the Oprah 200 Male Survivor episode, I heard Oprah and Tyler Perry talking about forgiveness.  I thought, well how special it was that they can forgive.  I wasn't really buying it at the time because I too thought, why would I ever let the abusers off the hook?

What I have learned though is forgiveness isn't what I was taught.  It isn't about going down on your knees and praying for your abusers to be freed from the prison you live in.  It isn't about them.  It is not about them!

Forgiveness is not a process where you wake up one morning and go everything is over.  That is a fallacy on so many levels that is widely practiced today because of religious teaching.  I'm sorry, I don't believe that is how forgiveness works.

I learn to let go...

Forgiveness is a process where I learn to let go.  It is where I allow myself to start disconnecting from all the horrors and hurt and pain I have been through.   It is about my own healing and discovering who I am.  It is about me learning to deal with the anger I have, the pain that permeates the deepest parts of my soul.  It is about letting go of it all and learning to walk forward without all of this.

Forgiveness is not about letting them off the hook.  I fully hold the abusers in my life accountable for what they did.  It is their job to ask forgiveness of themselves and of me.  Until they do that, I will never let them off the hook.  I'm not even sure I could at that point either.

I don't care what my abusers wish from me and need from me.  They destroyed my life, so they no longer get the option of having that control or say in anything I do.  They gave that up when the violated me.

Forgiveness for me is letting go.  It is stepping away from all that hurt; not ignoring it, but working to move on in my life and heal my life.  It is about me becoming all that I can become.  It is about giving myself a chance for the future.

The only person I have any control over is myself, but if I harbor the anger and resentment toward those who did those things, it will have an impact on me physically.  That is not helpful for me.  Forgiveness is what I need to let go of and I do it by healing and becoming all that I am and was meant to be.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Surviving My Past

Let me introduce you to someone I find interesting and inspiring.  While I know there are a lot of places across internet land for survivors, not all of them touch me in the way this site did.  I've only had a chance to read a few of the blog posts on this site at the time I am writing this, but just wanted to give a shout out to Surviving My Past.

The other day on twitter, I saw a tweet come through that was talking about the book by Ellen Bass, The Courage To Heal.  This is an awesome book in my view and I believe it was the first book I ever bought when I was starting to piece my life together.

I remember listening to Ellen Bass speak at the Voices conference in Chicago in the late 1990's.  I don't recall exactly what year it was, but it was my first time being among other survivors of child abuse.  We sang the song together in that lecture, "How Could Anyone" by Shaina Noll.  If you want a life changing song, check out the song I just mentioned.  Try and sing along with it like I did in the morning and at night.  It brought tears to my eyes and helped transform how I viewed myself.

 

Back to the story of how I connected with Surviving My Past.  I saw the tweet come through and had to comment.  Of course, the individual commented back and then we had a conversation.  It was one of those connections that you just feel like you know what the other person has gone through because you both have been fighting in the same war.  And I found out that this was a male survivor of child abuse who had come across this book like I did.


I checked out his website and was blown away by how much he talked about his own journey of healing as he is going through it.  Surviving child abuse is not easy and if you make it through this part, trying to heal your life is equally as difficult.

When it comes to male survivors, there is this hidden code in the world that guys just don't talk about being sexually abused and they sure don't share emotions.  After all, little boys are taught from an early age in the family and society that they are just supposed to buck up and take it.  You're not supposed to show any signs of weakness as society and the family would dictate.

I like the raw and unedited part of his life that he is showing in SurvivingMyPast.net .   Its the real deal.  It is the person that is trying to piece their life back together with all the challenges you face and the energy it takes.  It is the questioning and attempt to search for answers, not just wallowing in the horrors.

I'm so inspired by this site and I hope you will take time to check it out.  Please pass it on to your friends that may need it, especially your male survivor friends.  There are many male survivors out there that need help and they need to know they aren't alone.  After all, I witnessed that in the Oprah 200 Male Survivor episode back in 2010.

The website is Surviving My Past (SurvivingMyPast.net)

You can also connect with him on Twitter @SurvivingMyPast

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Child Abuse Prevention Month

This is a subject that is very near and dear to my heart.  If you have read this blog for any period of time, you'll know what I went through as a child.  I do not think we are still doing enough to stop child abuse.  It is far too prevalent in our society.

I'm dedicating this blog post to Child Abuse Prevention Month.  It is my attempt in helping those who are suffering in silence and who still suffer in silence.  There are far too many boys and girls, men and women that experience this.

Back in 2010, I was fortunate to be part of one of Oprah's last episodes on 200 Male Survivors.  While it was an opportunity of a life time, I still remember sitting there crying most of the time as I heard the stories of fellow survivors and connected with moments of pain that still reside in my own life.  I can still remember connecting with Tyler Perry's story of abuse where he talked about being beaten so badly.

If you think child abuse stops having an impact when the abuse stops, I've got news for you.  Long after the child abuse ends, the effects are still ravaging the child who goes on to become an adult.  It is like a forest fire that consumes everything in its path.

There is no easy way through it and often it leads to many more difficulties for the victim.  Many child abuse survivors fight like hell to overcome it and their days are not easy.

The best thing we can do is bring to light any instance of child abuse.  When we shine a light on the truth and we demolish the secrets that are being kept, it is then that we will have a fighting chance to stop child abuse.

One myth that gets perpetuated is that child molesters are some scary looking monster hiding in the trees that the child does not know.  Yes, there are these people.  However, the majority of child abusers are known to the child.  They live in their homes, churches, schools, and communities.

It is time that we as a society say this MUST STOP.  It is time as a society that we say, if you are going to abuse our children, you will not be allowed to function freely in our society.

If we are truly intent on stopping child abuse, we would get rid of the statute of limitations for these crimes against humanity.  We would wake up and stop letting child abusers hide in our churches, communities, schools, and homes.

It is up to each one of us, but if you know of someone being abused, don't sit by in silence.  For if you do, you are just as bad as the child molester abusing that child.

If you want to read more about some of what I went through, you can check out my book, Hope And Possibility Through Trauma on Amazon.

#saam2016

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Oprah 200 Male Survivors 5 years later

Its hard to believe it has been that long.  Five years since we were chosen to be part of one of Oprah's last episodes.  It was the two part episode on male survivors.  I still remember it like it was yesterday.  I still remember it as if I was overtaken by a flood of emotions.

Sitting in that room with 200 other male survivors was an experience unlike any other I have had in life.  I so remember the early days of my recovery when I didn't think anyone else existed and I was all alone.  I remember meeting the first male survivor back in the late 1990's and it helped change my life and helped me recover.

No longer do I worry about the effects of what happened to me.  I know them all too well.  What I am focused on these days are how I continue to move forward and drop ever last single bit of what happened to me.  It isn't easy.  Yes, I can put on a happy face and act like the remnants are no longer there, but then I wouldn't be very honest.

Hard To Believe I'm Loved

I saw a tweet today by Brene Brown (@BreneBrown in regards to Super Soul Sunday with Oprah.  It was a simple tweet, but one that connected with me.  The tweet went like this:  "The most important things our children can hear: No matter what, you will always belong here."

The reason it resonates with me is I heard words similar to this growing up, but unfortunately they were just words.  There was no action to back them up.  My family doesn't feel like I belong with them and so, some days it feels like I"m all alone.  Yes, I did make a decision to completely cut the ties between us, but it was only after I found that I didn't belong in my family.

For too many children, the family says you don't belong and they are kicked out to the street.  It is heart wrenching when I hear about this happening. I'm sure most of these kids grew up in homes where they felt like they were welcomed and loved, but then the minute they became true to themselves, the family said "oh no you don't!".

Right Brain Is Our Future According To Oprah Super Soul Sunday

A Whole New Mind
By Daniel Pink

I just happened to go and turn the TV on to the OWN channel and it was about the time Super Soul Sunday was coming on. In the first segment, Oprah was interviewing, Daniel Pink, the author of the A Whole New Mind. Essentially, Daniel is a left brain person that sees a future where it will belong to right brain people.  He feels that things have already tilted in our society towards right brain people.

His premise is that many of the left brain tasks that are currently being done today, can either be done by a computer or farmed out to people all over the world. It is really not a necessity any more or special to be left brain dominant because it is over saturated in our population.

There is nothing wrong with left brain people. In fact, they are just as needed as right brain people. However, left brain people will need to adapt to some of the right brain functions if they are to survive and thrive in this world in the future.

Oprah Surrenders And Lets It Go

Oprah's Master Class on OWN
Surrender And Let Go

From Oprah's Master class, I found a YouTube video on one of her beginning experiences in letting go and connecting to source energy.  Talking about how she became part of the cast of the Color Purple movie, is breath taking, especially when she tells it in her own personal way.

I am sure during these moments, it was extremely difficult to keep going and most likely they did not all happen quickly as in telling the story.  In fact, I think she does state that there was considerable time that passed.  She struggled along the way and it was not easy for Oprah to understand what had happened or where she was in her life at that moment.

It was when Oprah decided to let go and release all the anger, bitterness, and frustration to her source energy that things changed.  She saw as a result,

Family and Forgiveness

Why do I desire that which so tormented and abused me throughout my life? My question I raise to myself is that of why do I long for this "Leave It To Beaver" family view when I know that is not reality for my life. I do not write these things as an attempt to derive pity from them. They are written as an attempt for me to confront them and understand these things.

When I see families enjoying each other and staying in touch or having fun at holiday celebrations, I become jealous, hurt and dazed. Yes, I remember some of those family times that we shared on holidays which I loved but yet, these same times were filled with some of the most horrible moments of abuse and trauma one could barely imagine. I do realize as well that some of these families that appear to be enjoying happy family events, are also enduring the hidden skeletons in the closet.

The trouble is that I realize I did not grow up in a nurturing, loving and caring family. My family was anything but that from the abuse to the daily torment .

However, I seem to struggle with my mind running wildly into the fields of family fantasy land, wishing that what was not there, in essence was reality. My mind fails to comprehend how life fell so short for me while my mind struggles to find the capacity to understand why I still long for that which I did not have.

Oh how I could go on and on, writing these things but still coming up short. My longing is for something I never had, nor will I ever have. It is like Oprah said, "Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different."

Maybe my quest is not about reconciling a world of fantasy and reality but of learning to let go of the past and finding deeper forgiveness for myself. In all reality, I know that most likely I'm not alone in this quest.

I know I've come a long ways in my own healing and forgiveness, but at times like this, I see the struggle of a journey that continues. May I continue to come to a greater understanding of what forgiveness truly means just like many that are reading these words.


Further Reading:
1) Forgiveness Is Difficult (Blog Post 5/15/11)
2) End Of The Oprah Era (Blog Post 6/1/11)



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Blog Post & Images (c) 7/3/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

If any part of this post is used or shared, a link back to this site is required.
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/
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End Of The Oprah Era

It is hard to believe that 25 years have passed with the Oprah Show. I still remember back to that day last fall where I was at the 200 Male Survivor show in the audience. It is a highlight of life and a memory that I will never forget.

In fact, in Oprah's finale on May 25, 2011, she once again highlighted the 200 Men show as one of her most significant moments. It was not hard to locate myself just a few feet behind her. It brought back some wonderful memories of tears. So, here's my farewell message to Oprah or at least until we see her again.

I watched the final show today and you almost made me do the ugly cry. I was one of those 200 men and that event has really turned life upside down for me. I’m not complaining because I know I’m growing through some very difficult moments in life and last October when we taped the show, it was the start of an emotional upheaval for me. I’ll take it... I know it is helping me find my purpose and calling. I always thought life had been a challenge for me up until this point with all I had been through from the abuse to the paralysis and many other things, but since this show it seems like life has thrown things at me one right after another with great speed.

Yet, I’m comforted by many of the words you spoke today. They have given me more resolve to keep going in the midst of difficult and trying times. In the end, I know I will get where I need to be. Right now, I cannot fully see it because my world is filled with moments of confusion and frustration. But I know I’ll get there – after all when I was paralyzed, I knew I would walk again. I had to believe that because it is the only thing that got me up out of that hospital bed!

I stand in awe of the teaching and inspiration you have given to so many throughout the 25 years but I am hopeful of how that will translate exponentially to so many others and impact the world in ways that no one can even begin to imagine. May the legacy not be of what people learned from you but how they went out and gave that to the world (and I’m talking to myself as well).

Thank you Oprah for just being you and sharing your life with your platform.


Further Reading:
1) Oprah - Male Survivors Of Child Sexual Abuse (10/28/10)
2) Oprah, Tyler Perry, 200 Male Survivors Stand Together (11/5/10)
3) Oprah, 200 Men - Part 2 (11/11/10)
4) Conversion (Somatoform) Disorder (11/9/11)
5) Daytona Beach News Journal Interview (11/5/10)



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Blog Post & Images (c) 5/24/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

If any part of this post is used or shared, a link back to this site is required.
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/
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Oprah 200 Men Emmy Award

It is with a great, humbled spirit that I am sharing this video. The Oprah Show, 200 Adult Men Who Were Molested Come Forward, received an Emmy Award for this show. I was one of those 200 men and you may be aware of this if you have followed my blog.

When the producer of the show, Candi Carter, shared how emotional it was for them, it was just as emotional for us. I felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster from the time I was interviewed about the show until it aired and then some time after that. It was gut wrenching at times, frightening at other times and liberating in the same moments. To open up your life and share these things to the world is nothing short of courageous. Each of the 200 men plus the Oprah show staff displayed courage with the 200 men show!

I'm thankful for Oprah and her team along with Tyler Perry for what they did, for not only the 200 of us that were in the show but to all the other survivors out in the world that needed a voice, or just needed to know they weren't alone. When you've been sexually abused as a child, it is difficult to recognize that there are others and that you aren't alone. It takes great guts and determination to heal and move forward from the horrible atrocities that survivors have gone through.


Check this video out of Candi Carter, Senior Producer, talking about the show as they accept the Emmy. Click here for the link to the video



For more information about my experiences on the Oprah 200 Men Show,
1) Oprah, Tyler Perry and200 Male Survivors Stand Together
2) Oprah, 200 Men, Part 1 and 2
3) Read About My Experiences On The Oprah Show
4) Male Survivor, Ray Dotch, on the Gayle King Show



For resources and additional help, please check out the following website
- - Sexual Abuse Resource Center on Oprah.com



Blog Post & Images (c) 5/6/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

Oprah, Male Survivors Airing March 10

I have found out that the episode of 200 Men (Male Survivors) standing together is airing again on March 10, 2011. This originally aired on November 5, 2010. In case you missed it or want to see this again, make sure you watch the Oprah show on this day. Check the schedule out on Oprah.com in case there are any last minute changes.

It is a good thing that this is showing again because for those that missed it, they will be able to see a very powerful show. I was one of the 200 men that stood together that day saying, no more, no way, no how to child abuse. I won't go into all the details here but if you check out the links below, you can see more about my experiences with this and what it meant to me.

One in six boys (1 in 6) are abused as children before they reach the age of 16. Think about that for a moment. Identify 6 boys that you know and then realize that 1 of them may very likely have suffered through child sexual abuse. It happens far more than we realize and far more than we want to admit in this country.

While everyone is often so afraid of that convicted sex offender living down the street or that perp hiding behind the bushes, most perpetrators of this crime are known to the children. Whether it is family members such as a father, mother, brother, cousin, uncle or even a minster, priest, teacher, boy scout leader, the victims more generally than not, know who the perpetrator is.

Please don't think for a moment that this affects some but does not touch every area of our society. We all are touched by this in one way or another. For when a child is abused (whether they are female or male), their life is altered and they are forced to deal with a living hell as they heal from it. We cannot stand by in our society and let this happen. We cannot turn a blind eye to any indication of this taking place around us.

We must protect our children at all cost. For if we do not stand with our children, we stand opposed to them and condone this behavior.

For more information about my experiences and some of the show highlights and resources, please visit the following links. Let your friends know that this show is airing again. Below this post are easy buttons for you to share this post by facebook, twitter, email and other ways. Please make use of these things and do your part to let the world know.


For More Information and Resources:
1) Oprah, Tyler Perry and 200 Male Survivors Stand Together
2) My Interview in the Daytona Beach News Journal
3) Interview in the Orlando Sentinel - Hal Boedeker Blog
4) Read About My Experiences On The Oprah Show
5) Oprah.com - 200 Men - Resources
6) Male Survivor Organization
7) Don Shetterly Official Website, Author Music Artist, Massage Therapist




Blog Post & Images (c) 3/4/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

Oprah And The Vegan Challenge Part 2

This is part 2 of a two part series. For the complete post, please read Part 1, Oprah And The Vegan Challenge.

In the past couple of years, my eating habits have drastically changed. At one time in my life, I would have never entertained the idea of eating a diet high in vegetables. For one, I thought that there was not enough protein in a diet such as this to fully sustain life. However, I have found out that there are ways to create vegetarian dishes that have adequate protein.

Also, I thought that if I only had vegetables to eat, that the taste would be boring, bland and not filling. I have since learned that the more vegetables I eat, the more my overall tastes improve and if the vegetarian dish is prepared right, it is more than enough for me to eat and fill myself up.

A few years ago, we had done a cleanse a few times called Inner Klean and one of the things I noticed was that I really did feel better after completing it. The biggest thing I noticed was that vegetables and food in general had a much better taste. In our country, we kill our taste buds with the sugar we eat, the sodas we drink and all the junk food we consume. On top of that, we are not fully in touch with our bodies and so we really have dulled our sense of taste.

From there, we started a couple of years ago doing Healing Smoothies that I heard about through the QiGong Seminars with Jeff Primack. I'm glad we did because I feel much better in life and I feel that I get a boost first thing in the morning when I have my smoothie. They have become a way of life for us and we very seldom go a day without having our smoothie. I believe they are helping me change the way food tastes for me and what I desire to eat. Plus, there is no better way to eat vegetables than to eat them raw and whole, not throwing away the skins or seeds which hold the good stuff.

After this point, I began to notice how milk caused a lot of physical distress for me. I have always liked milk and ice cream but physically I would feel awful after eating it. So as I began to quit drinking milk, eating ice cream and slowing down on how much cheese I ate. With time, I noticed that my digestive system was much more at ease. In addition to this, I noticed that my aversion to onions and garlic started to lessen a bit. So instead of getting violently ill after eating minute amounts of garlic and onion, I would be able to deal with the stomach discomfort by drinking some extra orange juice if needed. Now, I have replaced milk with Almond Milk for the most part while occasionally using some milk to cook with. However, the amount of regular milk I consume is almost next to none. I feel so much better that it helps make up for my desire to have ice cream and things like chocolate milk. Cheese is still something I cannot fully get away from because I love the taste of it so much.

Several months ago, some friends of ours came down and we managed to go the entire week eating vegetarian. I really didn't think we could do it but was surprised at just how easy it was. From there, I purchased the Vegetarian Family Cookbook which has helped me learn to prepare vegetarian dishes that are easy and delicious. Some of the vegetarian recipes in the world are so complicated that I have no idea where to find the ingredients, let alone prepare them. This cookbook makes it easy and I love it for that!

Right now, I'm not sure if I will ever fully be a vegetarian. I do like meat and the taste of it but much of that is even changing. However, when I do eat meat, the quantity is much less than I once consumed. At one time, I never would have thought that I would be enjoying veggie burgers or veggie dishes along with some of the stuff I now eat. Yet, I have made that transition slowly and in a pace that works for my body, while I am listening to my body.

I still have a strong weakness towards sugar and chocolate which is something I struggle with. There are things that I am doing to help balance that but so far, it is an epic battle that rages within me. I hardly drink sodas unless I am eating out somewhere. Most of the time, I drink several glasses of water water each day. If I fail to drink enough water in a day, my body and mind really feel sluggish. Fried food has been one I have stayed away from for many years and I still don't desire it much at all. Ground Beef is one of the things I no longer enjoy and so we often use the vegetarian crumbles for dishes. I could go on and on about the things that have changed.

The most important part is to get to know your body inside and out first! By making changes to your life through being body centered and focused, it will give you something to really ground your life in and empower yourself. As you listen to your body and allow your body to change at its own pace, the benefits of anything you do will come back many times over. All too often, we do not really stop and listen to our bodies or get to know them and yet we make decisions for them.

Whatever you do, make the decisions that you feel are right for you and check in with your body. Looking back, I can see the logical progression of the changes within me. Of course, if we are standing still in our lives and going through our daily routines as if this is normal, than we need to stop and evaluate life because we are missing so much. I constantly am challenging myself and often some feel that I need to fully "move on" or "let go" of things but if we are not evolving and growing, are we truly being human? I strive to be all that I can be and that for me, means going in and challenging every part of my body, mind and soul.


For Further Reading:
1) The Vegetarian Family Cookbook by Nava Atlas
2) Oprah And The Vegan Challenge, Part 1 (posted 2/8/11)
3) Oprah.com Episode - Vegan Challenge
4) Food Based Healing Smoothies



Blog Post & Images (c) 2/7/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

Oprah And The Vegan Challenge Part 1

I saw the episode of Oprah about the Vegan challenge to her entire staff on February 1, 2010. Actually a friend of mine that works for Cargill let me know that it was coming up. I must say, I felt it was very well balanced. Since I come from both sides of this issue and have experiences that most people do not, the show seemed like an open exchange of ideas. I do realize that no matter what is done or said, people on both sides are not always understanding of each other.

People who are vegetarian and vegan, most of the time feel that eating animals is ethically wrong. On the other side, those that produce animals for consumption feel that this is a valid part of the cycle of life and that without them, the world would go hungry. These are valid arguments on both sides. For me, I try to find balance. Of course, feel free to leave your comments, just keep them respectful. If they are attacking or negative, they will not get published. I'm very lenient about comments but I don't tolerate attacks or disrespect.

Raising animals or crops for production is not an easy thing. If anyone out there thinks it is, spend a day with a farmer and you'll quickly understand just how hard the work is. It is not something one decides today that they will be a farmer and start doing it. It is either in your blood or not because farming is not for most of the people in our country. Most would not last a week working on a farm. I'm not saying that too be harsh but it is a reality.

In addition to that, I often hear people say that farmers make too much money but again, most of the profit margins are so narrow that one tiny mishap or market fluctuation or legislative change could wipe out a farming operation. Even an environmental impact such as weather changes or storms could impact the health of the animals to the point where the entire farm could be lost. Making a profit is difficult in the best of years and almost impossible in the worst of years.

One of the things I see is just how difficult it is to find adequate supplies of vegetables and non meat products in the area I live in. Sometimes finding a fresh supply of vegetables is difficult and when I look at the amount of space in the local area grocery stores devoted to produce, it is relatively small compared to the junk type food that most people purchase. Of course we can drive 40 miles and buy stuff at organic markets but honestly, that gets way too expensive. I am trying to grow some vegetables during the summer but sometimes weather, bugs and time inhibits those ambitions.

I cannot help but think that if it is that difficult for me to buy good quality vegetables in my area, how would we feed the entire world if there were no meat products. If everyone had large gardens like they once did, I could believe that is a more likely possibility but to depend upon our food system to produce it for everyone, is just not realistic and feasible.

In addition, if vegetables became in high demand, the prices would surely rise. It is the law of supply and demand. There are many people in this world and in our country who care barely buy enough food to feed their family. Most of us never see this and we think that the people who are like that are just on food stamps. However, there are many that never get any assistance whatsoever and yet they struggle to feed themselves and their family. Most of us are very blind when it comes to this taking place right before our eyes.

I know first hand what it is like to go to bed hungry and go to school hungry as a kid. Sometimes all we had to eat was popcorn for a meal or sometimes a can of vegetables was all we had to feed a family of five. When I think back to the small amount of food we had to eat growing up, especially when I was just a few years old, I can hardly believe I made it this far in life. Even at one point in college, I was struggling during the summer and all I could afford to eat was some bread, jello, peanut butter and jelly. That's about it but yet no one around me knew or cared how badly I had it. It was a difficult month to get through.

In my mind, I feel a balance is more important than rigid beliefs from either side. However, I try to respect each side even though I don't understand the rigid beliefs. Each person of course has to make their own choices for what is right for them. As long as that person respects others who feel differently, than that brings balance into life.

Unfortunately, all too often, I have been met with gasps by people standing right in front of me as they find out that I eat meat. Because I'm a massage therapist and part of alternative medicine, it is often believed that I have to be a vegetarian in order to be an enlightened individual. Again, I really have no place with the rigid thinking and beliefs. If I wanted that, I would be attending the church that I grew up in. There is so much more to life than rigid thinking.

We all have so much to contribute to society and humanity that we need to focus more on helping each other learn rather than judging each other. This goes for both sides on this issue. If we stand opposed, how will the other side ever come to understand what it is that we feel is important. If we stand opposed, how will that help further the goals and ideals you find important in your life. We need to work together, listen with compassion and love unconditionally.

*****
Come back tomorrow for more on how I have actually been switching my eating habits and although I would not classify myself as a vegetarian, I am slowly shifting that direction.

Part 2, Oprah And The Vegan Challenge
*****


For Further Reading:
1) The Vegetarian Family Cookbook by Nava Atlas
2) Oprah And The Vegan Challenge, Part 2 (2/9/11)
3) Oprah.com Episode - Vegan Challenge
4) Food Based Healing Smoothies





Blog Post & Images (c) 2/5/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

Embrace The Pain - Part 2

This is part 2 of a three part series. Please read Part 1 as background information to this post.

When you experiencee body pain, keep in mind that pain is the body's messenger. Don't try to ignore it or rush to the medicine cabinet in your house. Instead, take a moment and stop, allowing you to go within yourself.

At this time, consider all that is going on in your life and the events leading up to when you began noticing the pain. The events I am referring to include the emotional stressors or other events that you have experienced. Usually there is a connection between the two and going within to connect this awareness is a powerful healer and game changer.

In the following explanation, here are some things that you can do to help connect your mind and body together. You can be as creative as you want to be and by no means are the following procedures the only way you can do this. This is just a guide and a framework to help you connect your mind and your body. I have included suggestion #1 and suggestion #2 in this post. Come back tomorrow for part 3 of this series where suggestion #3 will be discussed.

Suggestion #1

This is an easier way of quickly connecting the mind to the body and you can do this anywhere you are at. It could be in a chair at your desk, standing in a line at the store, lying in bed at night or just about anywhere. A quiet place can help but I have done this in many places and no one even knows I am doing it.

If you are feeling some pain in the body or just wanting to give yourself a moment of deep connection and relaxation, try this easy method. Focus on the body part and begin directing your breath to that area. You can visualize that you are filling the body part up with your breath as you bring good things into it. Then you can visualize using your exhale to take that which you don't need in your life away. It only takes a few minutes of really focusing your breath with intention to an area of your body and you can bring great change to those areas. I have walked many people through this on a massage chair in a few minutes while getting a chair massage. It is not as hard as it may seem and the more you try it, the easier it will be to do.


Suggestion #2

I got this idea from listening to Eckhart Tolle speak with Oprah about his book "A New Earth". In the short exchange he had with all the listeners, he had everyone spend 30 seconds and just focus on their breath. That was it! We know 30 seconds is not a long time but if you truly just focus on your breath for that short period of time, it will center you and bring you back into your body. You can do this just about anywhere.

Many people never pay attention to their breath and so often, we don't breathe like we need to. We barely pull enough oxygen into our bodies to run our cells and muscles, yet we expect our bodies to perform, nonstop stressful paces during our day. So as you are reading this, take 30 seconds and just focus on your breath. Let me know how you feel after you did this.


Remember, come back tomorrow for part 3 of this series and suggestion #3.


Further Reading:
1) Dr. Paul Canali, Evolutionary Healing
2) Fear Of Dentist posted on July 6, 2010
3) Embrace The Pain - Part 1 (Posted 1/28/11)
4) Embrace The Pain - Part 3 (coming tomorrow)




Blog Post & Images (c) 1/28/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

Male Survivor, Ray Dotch on Gayle King

Ray Dotch, was the producer from the Oprah show that called and initially interviewed me for the Male Survivor show that Oprah did. I was so impressed with Ray because he was so sensitive, caring and compassionate. It wasn't easy talking to a total stranger and sharing some of the most intimate details of my abuse.

Ray seemed to understand as I was describing some of these events. Little did I fully know at the time just how much he understood. When we got to the taping of the show, Oprah explained how he had come out to her the night before about his own abuse. Seeing him sitting in the audience and sharing some of his story was a moment I will never forget.


In fact, the entire experience of being part of the 200 men who spoke out against child abuse was something that still has a profound effect upon me today. Seeing men who are male survivors come forward and begin to heal brings joy to my heart that this experience was worth every moment of the emotional roller coaster that I went through.

I'm proud that Ray and many others, including myself, had the courage to come out in such a public way and let the world know that child abuse was not okay and that those who have been through this are not alone. I'm proud of Oprah for doing this show and giving it the much needed attention it deserves. There are other TV shows out there that make a mockery out of male survivors to get ratings but Oprah and Ray Dotch along with their entire staff did an excellent job of respecting those of us who have experienced child abuse.

Listen to the clip from the Gayle King show

Ray Dotch Takes A Stand Against Male Sexual Abuse




For Further Reading:
Oprah Tyler Perry and 200 Male Survivors Stand Together




Blog Post & Images (c) 1/24/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only

Piers Morgan and Oprah Interview

I am not a great fan of Piers Morgan but since he was interviewing Oprah as his first guest last night, I decided to tune in. Believe me, I spend very little of my time watching any of the news networks. In many ways, I have personally found that it is just not worth my time to watch the news pundits hear themselves talk. This show, however, was interesting.

One of the key moments for me was when Piers Morgan was asking Oprah about her life, fame and money including her new network, the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN). She went on to explain and I'm paraphrasing here from memory, that she knows what her purpose is in life and why she came to this planet. She feels that her mission is to spread love and help people to evolve and become all that they can be. When she spoke about this, it was done so in a very humbling way but where Oprah was full of conviction.

In many ways, what she said is what I see in her life. Yes, I do realize she has done some of the fluff and stuff shows on TV and some feel she just does everything for the money. However, without the money, she would not be able to do many of the things she needs to do. It is like her vehicle into her life purpose. This entire thought process going on in my mind is kind of like my ah ha moment because I'm trying to figure out how to fulfill what I feel I came here to do but I am in the phase of trying to figure out the mechanics of it right now. I'll be writing more about that in another blog post.

Ever since I had the opportunity to be at the Oprah Show on Male Survivors which aired on November 5, Oprah has taken on an entirely different persona for me. She is no longer someone that I see on a TV screen and hear people talk about or write about. She is not just a person that is interviewed on TV by someone such as Piers Morgan or Barbara Walters. Oprah is much more than that. I remember sharing that space and energy with her a few months ago and seeing first hand who she truly was in person.

So as I sat there watching this interview last night, what she was saying matched up to the Oprah that I saw that day in her studio. It makes sense what she is saying and how she is living her life's purpose out. That is the most important thing any of us can do is by evolving and becoming who we are, we live out our purpose of why we came into this world. I personally believe there is so much more out there that we still do not understand. Where we spend our time and focus on life is essential on our personal growth and evolution.

And just for the record, I was pleasantly surprised at the job that Piers Morgan did in the interview with Oprah.


Further Reading:
Oprah, Tyler Perry and 200 Male Survivors Stand Together



Blog Post & Images (c) 1/18/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only

Oprah - 200 Men, Part 2

On Friday, Nov 12, 2010, the second of a two part series on Male Survivors will be airing on the Oprah Show. Part 1 of this series aired on Nov 5, 2010. Below are the following posts about my experiences on Oprah.

From Oprah.com - Oprah, Tyler Perry and 200 courageous men continue the conversation about male sexual abuse. They're breaking down the wall of shame and opening the doors for healing.

If you know of someone that might benefit from this, make sure you pass this along. It is ground breaking and so important for as many to see as possible. The issue of child sexual abuse of boys is often swept under the rug and we need to stand up as a society and say, "NO MORE!" The more that we all know about this as a society, the more we can prevent this horrific evil from taking place around us.


There are many men who need to know that they aren't responsible for what happened to them and that they have support in coming forward to confront their own abuse. All too often, boys are taught that you cannot cry and that if they are abused, they must have done something wrong or been weak. We need to stand together with all abuse victims.

It is estimated that 1 in 6 boys have been abused by the age of 16. Think about that. Then, stop and think of those you know and you'll soon realize that someone you know has been abused.

If you have been abused and you're hiding this deep dark secret, please know that there are resources for you to go and get help. You cannot deal with this on your own as it is too big of an issue without help, support and guidance. It is okay to ask for help and it is okay to be scared to ask for help. Many of us are out there and we know just how difficult that is. Reach out to us and take that first step of telling someone. Do not let yourself continue to live in life under the secrecy and shame of what someone did to you. To many times, society or our abusers make it out that we had sex with them and so it is our fault. Abuse is not about sex. Abuse is about control and manipulation. They end up placing the shame of what happened upon the victim and it is not their shame.

I am here if anyone wants to talk. You can email me privately if you want. You can also go to malesurvivor.org or any of the other online resources. On November 12 (Friday), I will be posting a list of resources for survivors so make sure you come back and check those out. Remember, you do not have to suffer alone!

Further Reading

1. Oprah, Tyler Perry and 200 Male Survivors Speak Out
   
   
2. Oprah, 200 Men Who Were Molested Come Forward, Part 1

(c) 11/9/10 by Don Shetterly - use by permission only

Daily Affirmations For Male Survivors

By direct permission from Dr. Howard Fradkin, I am sharing these 10 daily affirmations for male survivors.

Howard Fradkin, Ph.D. is the Psychologist that appears on the Oprah Show for an historic, ground breaking, two part series of 200 Men who were molested that come forward.

In addition, Dr. Fradkin is the Co-Chairperson of Male Survivor Weekends of Recovery and a part of Affirmations Therapy.

Dr. Fradkin has worked with over 1000 male survivors of sexual abuse and says one of the first steps on the journey toward healing is to practice daily affirmations. He suggests saying the following affirmations out loud to yourself or to someone you trust.

1) Recovery is absolutely possible and achievable for me.

2) I will practice being disloyal to dysfunction and loyal to functionality.

3) I give myself permission to connect to loving, affirmative, strong, sensitive, accepting men and women in my community.

4) I release and forgive myself for any responsibility I have accepted in the past for my abuse.
5) The abuser(s) from the past chose to hurt me; I will stop repeating that lie that it just happened to me.

6) Offering myself daily compassion is necessary for my healing and growth.

7) I commit to connecting to the boy inside me today so we can play, laugh and experience joy together, even if just for a minute or two.

8) I believe deep inside me I possess the ability to face the truth of my abuse and to learn to use new tools for healing.

9) I have the right and ability to speak the truth of my abuse and deserve to be heard, understood, believed and supported.

10) Feeling is healing; as I heal, I develop the ability to experience a wider range of emotions to enhance my health and connections to others.

Further Reading:
1) How Could Anyone

2) Oprah, Tyler Perry and 200 Male Survivors Stand Together

3) Dr. Howard Fradkin, Affirmations Therapy

4) Male Survivor

Oprah, Tyler Perry, and 200 Male Survivors Stand Together

Today (Nov 5) on Oprah, the first of a two part episode on Male Survivors is airing. If you have been reading my blog, you know that I'm one of the 200 male survivors in the audience. Since the taping of the show, I have experienced so much support from so many people and some of these are complete strangers to me. Some of the comments and stories shared with me have touched me deeply.

Before the show and after it, I have been on an emotional roller coaster. None of this has been easy and in fact, there have been times that the pain has been great, the tears many and the fears were knocking on my door. In spite of all these things, I would still do a show like this again. It was an experience of a life time. It is one that I will never forget. This episode of 200 male survivors coming together on Oprah with Tyler Perry was empowering. It is hard to describe just how much it has meant to my life.

As I write this, I have been interviewed by the Orlando Sentinel and the Daytona Beach News Journal about my own story and experience on the Oprah Show. My story is difficult to share and probably difficult for many to read. Normally I am very afraid to talk on the phone to complete strangers. However, today I found myself with the courage to do this. It was like I had the full support of 200 other male survivors. I felt empowered to speak out and I know it is the time to stand up and publicly break my own silence.

Article In Orlando Sentinel - Hal Boedeker

Article in Daytona Beach News Journal

I hope that each one reading this will watch the Oprah show today (Friday, Nov 5) and the second part of it on Nov 12. It will be a powerful show and according to Oprah on her press release, it is not only a historical show but to her, it is one of her top shows of all times. This show is important because people need to know that these things take place and we as a society need to work to stop and prevent them from happening. To the men that have been through this, I want you to know from my own experience, that you are not alone. There are many others. You do not need to suffer in silence any more. Yes, it is a difficult path to heal but with the support of others, there is recovery. There is healing!

Please note that if you are watching the show, I am sitting behind Oprah and have a purple shirt on.

To Read More About My Experiences on the Show, Click Here


For further support, check out the following places

Dr. Paul Canali, Trauma Recovery

Don Shetterly.com - Licensed Massage Therapist

Male Survivor Organization

Facebook - Male Survivors on Oprah's Echo Group