Saturday, April 30, 2016

Loving The Lord Is A License To Abuse Children

The recent story of Dennis Hasert and Tom Delay's letter to the court have me seriously wanting to puke my guts out.  I'm angry beyond words.  I'm struggling to make sense of this.  I want to lash out at those that abuse children.

I grew up with this mindset that loving the lord gives you a license to abuse children.  My father loved the lord and made sure we were in church every Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night and any other time something was going on.  Yet, he molested me and beat me and did many horrible things to myself and other members of my family.

Now, I see that my older brother claims to love the lord and yet he did almost as much horrible stuff as my dad did to me.  He molested me almost every day of my life.  He bullied me, beat me.  He did the same to my younger brother.  He caused my mom so much grief and lied like there was no tomorrow.  Yet, he loves the lord and he is some "great christian", repeated once again.

Seeing Tom Delay try to make Dennis Hasert out to be "not such a bad guy" makes my blood boil with anger.  To me, it says if you're going to defend a person who abuses children in this way, then you're just as guilty, Tom Delay.  Maybe someone should be looking into your past.  I don't care about the politics.  I could care less which political seat they held.  Abusing children is about the lowest thing you can do.

How can  you say you love the lord and yet, you destroy one of the most intimate parts of a child?  How can you equate love with abusing children?  Do these child molesters just not understand what it is they do?  Are they that stupid or do they think we are that gullible?

There is no way you can have love in your heart and do these things to children.  There is no way you can say you love the lord while going against what Jesus said when he stated, Do Not Harm Little Children!

While Dennis Hasert only got 15 months in jail, the victims get a life sentence of hell.  They don't get to just stop thinking about being abused as children.  They don't get to stop thinking about all that was done to them.  They don't get to stop dealing with all the triggers and intimacy issues, suicidal thoughts, depression and anxiety.  It stays with them forever.  If they are lucky, they will find some healing from it.

As a society we hold other law breakers up as being worse than a child abuser.  In all reality, a child abuser should get the death penalty.  They are a scourge upon society and the earth.  They are a scum that should be exiled and banished from civilization.  We should be ashamed that we as a society allow the child abusers to get such easy sentences. 

Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly
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Friday, April 29, 2016

Focusing On Symptoms

It is a common error we all make.  It is part of the human experience.  I know, because I did it for years.  We get lost in focusing on symptoms, rather than seeing what is right before our eyes.  After all, the easy road is just focusing on symptoms.

You may be thinking, is this writer nuts?  What else would I do but focus on my symptoms?  While this is a good question and will get you thinking in a positive direction, it can be quite confusing.

Symptoms are just outward manifestations of something going on in your physical body.  It is like if you hit your thumb with a hammer, the pain you feel in your thumb isn't the cause.  It is the hammer hitting it that is the cause.

Unfortunately we often look at the pain felt in the thumb as being the sole cause of whatever is happening and we stop looking any further from that point.  Yes, you may need to deal with real issues such as in the case of the hammer, a broken or throbbing thumb.  It all depends of course, upon how hard you hit it.

However, the more important part of healing is not focusing on the symptom, but what happened that caused that to show up.  What was going on in your life?  What experiences had happened before this?

Let's say you wake up and your back is sore or your neck is stiff.  Often we like to say that we "woke up on the wrong side of the bed" or "we slept wrong" or something to that effect.  Unfortunately, there is more to the picture than we see.  Focusing on the symptom may get us to the point of applying heat or ice to ease the discomfort, but if we don't look to the root cause, sooner or later the ice and heat may not help in the way that we need it to help.

In order for this approach to work, you have to be very honest with yourself.  You can't even hide from those things you might not consciously recall in that moment.  You can't hide from the things you have tried to bury all these years if you want this to work.  It won't help to hide from things that you really don't consider to be important or much of a factor.  It is easy to minimize things and that's a human trait we all have. 

Let me give another example in case this isn't clear.  Many years ago I worked with farmers.  At times the animals would get sick.  Immediately some farmers would want to give the animals medication and while that might have been necessary in the moment, you had to stand back and look at the whole picture.

Sometimes we gave medications initially to get the animals feeling better and keep them from dying, but then we took steps to solve why they were getting sick.  If you didn't see the whole picture and just focused on the symptoms (i.e. the animals getting sick), you would end up treating the animals over and over again.  Sometimes some simple change to the cause of the sickness was enough to get completely past what was happening.

When we focus on symptoms, we lose the ability to see the root cause.  Sometimes the root cause is not apparent and there are times when it takes a long time to see the root cause.  However, we must not quit searching for the source or even how to discover the source of the symptoms.  It is the source that matters, not the symptoms.

When I was going through Conversion Disorder, I could have gotten lost in all the symptoms including the seizures, fatigue, and paralysis that I was going through at that point.  Fortunately I had some smart doctors that helped me focus on getting better, not on what was happening to me.  I'm equally as grateful that I didn't get lost in the symptoms and I learned to look forward to understanding the source, not get blinded by the symptoms.

I'm not going to tell you that the source of what you are going through will show up tomorrow or the next day or even the next month.  In my case, it took many months before some of those things began to emerge and even more time to clearly see the entire picture.

I did not get lost in the symptoms.  Instead, I kept trying to understand how to reclaim my life and discover more of myself then I knew was in existence.  I pushed back the paradigms of all that I thought I knew, and quit clinging on to the things that had not gotten me far in life.  After all, if what I was doing had not worked up until this point, then I finally realized that I had to let it go. 

It was in that embrace of all that I did not know, searching for the root cause, that I began to heal and find myself.  If I would have stayed focused on all the symptoms, I would have never made it.  It is a futile exercise that drains you of your energy required to heal.  Yes, I understand it is human nature, but in order to heal, it requires us to step our game up a few notches.

Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly
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Thursday, April 28, 2016

5 Minute Mind Body Exercises

So, going back to yesterday's post, we are all too busy to take care of our mind body connection, right?  Wrong!  After all, it doesn't take hours or full days.  You can do so much in just a few minutes.  In fact, if you gave yourself 5 minutes, you could do a lot!

Are you with me?  Can you take 5 minutes out of the 1440 minutes you have in a day?

Here's some things you can do in those 5 minutes that will help your own mind body connection.  No, they aren't a replacement for more involved stuff, but these little 5 minute exercises will at least help.  Once you start to see the difference, then you can move on to the big stuff.

Mind Body Exercises in 5 Minutes

Exercise #1 - Breathing

Where ever you are at, (even if standing in a long line or sitting at your desk), take a few minutes to just focus on your breathing.  You're not trying to breathe a certain way or do deep breathing.  You are just noticing your breath - the rise and fall, the deepness or shallowness and the speed and duration.  You're just observing and being at one with your breath.  You can leave your eyes open and focus on something peaceful or you can quietly shut your eyes.

Exercise #2 - Walking Outdoors

Take a few minutes throughout your day and just walk outside.  Walk out and feel the sun on your face and your body.  Notice the warmth and see how that makes you feel.  How does the sun feel upon your body?  Is it warm?  Is it uncomfortable?  What happens if you find a shady spot and go from the sun to the shade?  How does that make you feel?  Notice what it does to your mood, your emotions, and your stress in that moment.

Exercise #3 -Easy Stretches

Have you ever watched a cat get up from a nap and they do a few little stretches?  It really is that easy.  You don't have to get on the floor and do yoga posses or stretches that you would do before a workout.  I'm talking, light gentle stretches to the ceiling or a gentle twist turning with your back.  Make sure you don't overstep the bounds here and stretch to hard that you injure yourself and by all means, only do some of these things if you're not restricted by your doctor.  It could be a shrug of your shoulders up into tension and then let them drop down.  It could be a stretch of your legs from your office chair.  It could even be an easy walk to the restroom and back or outside for exercise #2.  Whatever the form may be, connect with it and try to feel it.  It isn't a race or marathon.  It isn't a strenuous workout.  It is something that is simple and connected.

Exercise #4 - Being With Your Body

What if you just sat there and thought of how your arm felt if you let it hang down to the floor?  Maybe you could just notice how you felt with your arms folded and then unfolded.  You might stop and think of how your neck and head rest comfortably on your spine as if it were a flag waving in the breeze and balanced steadily on a flag pole.  Find some way to just notice a body part and see how it feels.  See how you could move it to make it feel different.  Sometimes taking a body part into tension and then backing it off in to comfort can dramatically change how we feel.  It is the true mind body connection.

Exercise #5 - The Big Sigh

Have you ever had one of those days when you are just dealing with so much and at some moment, you let out a big sigh. Why not take a deep breath and then as you let it out, you just let the big sigh come out.  Let it come out forcefully in the beginning if you need to, but then do it again where you let it come out as gently as you can.  Most likely you will see how this lets go of so much tension and stuff that you are carrying.  Notice the tension as well as the feel of relaxing because the difference of those two things is where the mind body connection is located.

So...... Pick One!

Pick one of these and try it.  If it doesn't work, pick another.  If that doesn't work, change it up and make it work for you.  We're all different creatures and what works for one person, may not work for someone else.

The important thing that matters is that you choose to do things that will help your mind and body, not claim you have no time.  We all have 1440 minutes in a day and it depends on us what we choose to do with those minutes.  We can use them for our own good or we can waste them and they pay with our lives later.

Get rid of the tension and stress in your body!  Enjoy these exercises.

Feel free to leave a comment and let me know which one worked for you.

Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly
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Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Too Busy To Take Care Of Myself

I know, we all have many demands on our time.  I get it.  I understand.  For a long time I was traveling every week and that did not always leave much time to stop and smell the roses.  It did not allow me to take care of myself and do the things that I needed to do.

If I am too busy to take care of myself, at some point my body will stop me in my tracks.  If anyone thinks that they can go forever and ever without something happening, you're just walking on thin ice in the lake and getting lucky.

I am talking from experience after having a Conversion Disorder and being paralyzed, then trying to piece my life back together.  You can find out more about that in my book, Hope And Possibility Through Trauma.

Sure, I went through other stuff in life that contributed to it, but right before the Conversion Disorder hit, I was working 6.5 days a week almost 18 hours a day trying to be the best employee I could be.  I was too busy to take care of myself but I was never too busy to overwork myself.

It came at a price and almost cost me my life.  It was a wake up call.  Even though I know all of this, I still went through a job recently that just about killed me again.  I guess I am too hard headed to learn and so I went back down.  I'm still recovering from that time of being too busy to take care of myself.

You may not get a Conversion Disorder and paralysis.  However, there are things like cancer, heart attacks, back pain, and many other conditions that creep up on us.  If you ignore your body, there is a high probability that at some point, your body will get your attention.

You can pay now by taking care of yourself or you can pay later when things are pretty serious.  It is your choice in all that you do.  We choose to do like I did and work day and night or we choose to enjoy life and take care of our mind and body.  No one else does that for us although we often think they do.

We only have one body and one mind.  If we waste it and exhaust it and overwork it, what good will it be to us in  20, 40, or 60 years?  When we are younger, we think we have all the resources and time we need, but as we get older, all this stuff starts to accumulate and then begin knocking on the door to get our attention.

Let's try not to be too busy to take care of ourselves.  Our body and mind will thank us for it.

Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

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Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Top 10 Social Media Annoyances

Some days I scratch my head at what humans do.  Of all the brain cells that could function and make different choices, it seems that those brain cells must have fallen asleep.  These poor choices create annoyances on the internet.

I have compiled my top 10 online social media annoyances that I have found on both Twitter and Facebook.  In fact, I stopped using Facebook some time ago and it is like a breath of fresh air.  Twitter is almost as bad with these annoyances.

I really wish it was different where people could use social media for a balanced approach of good information, rather than seeing how much they can scam and spam everyone.  I know, there are some good people out there, but the bad ones far outweigh the good.

Top 10 Social Media Annoyances.

#1 Naked Pictures Doing Sex Acts

Don't call me a prude here!  That's not what this is about at all.  Its about having some of the most graphic sexual pictures show up on my news feed.  These aren't small pictures either so when they show up, you can't miss them.  If I am in a public place, it is very inappropriate and it more than crosses the boundaries.  Even if I am not in a public place, I really don't want to see this all day long in my feed.  Most of these people do get reported and blocked, but it makes me wonder why people think that everyone wants to see this.  It usually isn't a once-in-a-blue-moon occurrence either as they plaster the news feed with them all day and all night.  Enough!  If that's all you are adding to civilization, you may want to rethink your role in humanity.

#2 Like My Other Social Media

I gave up on Facebook.  I got tired of so much fakeness on there and too much junk that was posted every minute.  Most of what is shared on Facebook isn't worth two seconds of our time.  Even the marketing people who value your time are the biggest time wasters on Facebook and Twitter.  They really don't offer much value, but they sure waste your time.  I don't do LinkedIn anymore either because I find the site ridiculous and hard to navigate.  When I add someone on Twitter and the only thing that they think is important is for me to add all their other social media sites, I have to wonder about them.  Why would I go to multiple social media sites to follow you.  Do you not think I have anything better to do with my day than that?  Again, I think it is a big time waster.  It is not good online marketing in my view, because when I see it happen, the individual is knocked down in my value list.

#3 Spamming The News Feed

Yes, I understand that you want to reach as many people as you can and not everyone is online at the same time.  However, when I see 5, 10, 20 posts one after another, I tend to completely ignore you and scroll past what it is that you are tweeting.  I'm sure we all have done this in a minor way, but I'm talking about the ones that must have drank 5 tall cups of coffee before coming on Facebook or Twitter.  There is more in a day to do than sit there and see this type of behavior.  If you have that big of an ego, then I'll do like I have always done and either "mute" you or "unfollow" you.  You're abusing the relationship I have with you online and that doesn't sit well in my book.

#4 TrueTwit Verification Nonsense

From what I can tell, using the TrueTwit verification service does very little.  Yet, I see it time and time again.  Maybe the people using this nonsense don't understand what the recipient gets, but let me tell you, it is an annoyance.  It is a nuisance.  I just ignore it now because if I followed you, then I want to read your posts.  I don't wish to jump through hoops to prove to you that I am a valid person.  Sorry, you are asking far too much from me and abusing the trust I have put in you to be on my news feed.

#5 The Fake Link

I get so annoyed by the fake link.  You've probably seen it also.  It is the link that you think will take you to something you might be interested to read.  The link that looks safe, but yet it is not.  It is the links that take you to some site that gets you to sign up for whatever it is that they are pushing.  Most of the time it has nothing to do with what they put in the post, but you don't know that until after you clicked on the link.  It makes me so leery to click on any links these days because I just got hit badly with malware.

#6 Overly Large Pictures

If I am reading my social media accounts on my desktop, the overly large pictures aren't such a problem.  If I am on my smart phone, then it becomes a bigger issue and annoyance.  I now have to scroll down past these.  Most of the time, the ones that post overly large pictures must think that one is not enough and so they post multiple pictures.  The pictures are posted one after another.  The larger the picture, the more difficult it is for me to read the other tweets in between because they almost get swallowed up by them.  Do everyone a favor and find some moderation.

#7 How Many Clicks Does It Take

I think back to the commercials of the lollipop and how many licks does it take to get to the center.  Recently, I had one that when I clicked on the link, it took me to a page without the information.  There was another link to the information that you had to click on.  When I clicked on that, it then took me to another twitter page with the same information as was in the original post.  I still don't know where the information was and I suspect it didn't exist.  It was just meant to get me to click.  What an annoyance!  I believe I rewarded that individual with an "unfollow" and that probably wasn't the result they were hoping for.

#8 Unsolicited Advice

I marvel at this one in real life and its also annoying online.  It happens so much.  The person that comes by and doesn't even read what you posted or an article you linked to or checked out your website, but boy do they have advice for you.  They are quick to tell you what you should do or should not do.  It doesn't matter if it applies or not, they will tell you anyway.  There are far too many noisy people who think they have all the answers.  If that were true, we would have no problems in this entire world!  Let your ego know that not everyone loves your unsolicited advice.  It turns people off and they most likely do like I do, click that unfollow button.

#9 Content Waste

Oh, those auto-generated articles on the internet that are such an annoyance.  If I wanted to read regurgitated content created by a program, I would read source code from a website.  It is such a waste of my time, but people who aren't creative, think that this is good marketing.  I'm sorry, but if you don't have something good to say, just sit in the corner and be quiet until you do.  I have no forgiveness for people who do this, because you are wasting my time and filling the internet up with trash.  Those that do this type of thing obviously do not value the people they are trying to sell to or get as a client.

#10 Pesky Questions And Requests

I am amazed at how many people send automated responses out and ask questions in them.  The thing is, if you respond, they never respond back.  I have gotten to the point where I am ignoring most of these things now which sucks if you're one of the good guys that doesn't do this.  If I just followed you, I'm not going to spend hours reviewing and critiquing your website for you to most likely disregard it anyway.  While you may think it is cute and intriguing to ask me some irrelevant question, I've found that you could care less if I am happy or what happened in my day or what topics I want to see you post about on your news feed.  Again, all these things are time wasters and they are not authentic.  They don't make me want to trust you.  In fact, they make me want to unfollow.

Final Thoughts

We are becoming a spam and scam society and with the internet, it makes our reach much more broad.  However, if you cannot be trusted and people see this in what you post, then you are not adding value to the internet.  You're not adding value to social media.  You are an annoyance.

Marketing is about offering something of value, not trying to get one over on the other person and make them click or cringe.  Marketing is about building relationships and showing the other person that you care enough to not waste their time.  Unfortunately very few online really understand marketing.

Try to offer value and information that others will be better for if they click and read what it is you share.  Make a difference by being authentic, not by being a scammer and spammer.  Its not hard to spot the ones that give little value to everyone who follows or subscribes to them.  Be human by being real.  The internet community will thank you!

Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

  • Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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