Thursday, December 7, 2017

Dismissed By A Child Molester

Written By Don Shetterly
Years ago when I was going through some of the roughest healings, I decided to call my dad late one night.  I planned on confronting him about what he did to me.  It took a great deal of courage for me to get to this point.  Having friends close by helped so much.

It isn't easy for me to talk about this to this very day.  I get scared that if I speak out, bad things are going to happen to me.  After all, I was threatened that if I didn't shut up, that they would come after me.  My older brother left that clear message for me at my job.  So this is not a made up fear.  It is real.

At the time anger fueled my reasoning for calling my father.  I was dealing with very rough moments in life as a result of what I had experienced.  It took the anger to confront him because I was so frightened then.

Actually, I'm frightened now with speaking out publicly more, but I know I must.  There are far too many that endure molestation and child abuse.  I am honestly at a point where if they want to come after me, I'll expose every last bit of what they did to me in a public way that will make them regret their threats and actions against me.  I'm tired of hiding it because of what they might do to me.

When I called him up that night, my mom picked up the phone.  Yes, it was late in the middle of the night, but I wanted him on the phone, not her.  So I hung up and called back.  I have my issues with what my mom knew or didn't know, but I wanted him to be the one hearing what I said.

When I got him on the phone, I laid into him.  I didn't let up, and I didn't let him talk.  There was no way I was holding back, and so my anger and pain came out in full force.  I only got about a minute, or so I think of saying what I wanted to say before he hung up on me.

Just before he hung up on me, he said, "GROW UP Donald!"  That was the name he used when he was angry at me.  My final words to him were "GO TO HELL!"

I have never spoken to him since, and I have no intention of doing so.  He made his bed, and now he gets to lie in it.  I have no desire to communicate with him because there is no apology from him.  He doesn't think he did anything wrong.  Molestation was normal to him it seems.  I know it is up to me to continue moving forward and letting go of what he did.

In the news are stories of someone being molested by a prominent figure and they are getting the same treatment.  They are being dismissed by a child molester (or should I say, alleged child molester).  It triggers me back to the memories of what I went through.

Will my Dad and brother ever admit to molesting me?  I doubt it.  They've already convinced family friends that I was brainwashed by Psychiatrists and that I'm crazy.  I was the one that was wrong in their eyes for daring to speak up and expose the secrets.

You see, child molesters stop at nothing to convince the world that they are great humans.  They have no problem with blaming the victim.  They don't care that the child was helpless when they abused and molested them.  It is all about convincing the world that they didn't do anything wrong.

In my case, I'm sure if anyone confronted them, they would also say that "God has forgiven them."  Unfortunately, to me, that does not mean that you act as if nothing ever happened.  That is being a coward in my view.  Either you own up to what you did or don't tell me you've been forgiven.

Just a note here that in my house, forgiveness talk is not as it seems.  It means, forget it and act as if we didn't do anything to you. I heard this line about forgiveness so many times.  It usually was right after they did what they did to me.  I even heard it after my dad would beat my mom.  Thus, forgiveness talk to me is cheap and shallow.

Being dismissed by a child molester is what these people do.  They cannot allow themselves to be exposed to their secrets and lies and abuse.  They blame the victim.

To people that defend what child molesters do, you are not human in my eyes.  You are part of the problem that allows child abuse to continue.  Either you stand up for the rights of all humans, or you need to go find the door to your cave and crawl back inside.

Dismissed by a child molester just seems normal to me.  I almost expect nothing but the blame they put on their victims.  When I see news reports about others, and I hear the perverts attack the victims, my anger boils.  Child molesters don't have any business being on this earth.  When you harm the life of an innocent child, you give up all rights to be human in my view.

Blog Post And Images (c) 11/30/17 by Don Shetterly
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Tuesday, December 5, 2017

How I Handled Christmas In 10 Steps

I'm writing this a year in advance.  In fact, Christmas Day 2016, was just yesterday.  Things are beginning to get back to normal.  Email and social media feeds are starting to liven up again.  Trash pickup just went by trying to collect everyone's trash from yesterday.  So, yeah, Christmas is over once again.

However, I thought I would write this because someone asked me if I would do anything different the next year.  I had written earlier that I struggled to deal with the holidays.  I'm one of those where the hurt and pain shows up with the fun and presents.

Growing up, my mom did her best to really go all out celebrating Christmas on a shoestring budget.  Yes, we were envious of our friends who got a lot of presents, but my mom tried to make it special in other ways.  From decorating Christmas cookies, to the food and candy she would make and to just decorating the house, it became a special day.

Unfortunately, in the midst of all of it there was a lot of stuff that hit the fan.  There were many moments that are painful and in fact so painful, that I can't even talk about them yet.  I've done a tremendous amount of healing and forgiveness but the stuff is there in too great of quantities.

So, when Christmas comes - it isn't easy.  The turmoil that hits me emotionally and in my mind feels like 200 MACK trucks hitting me at about 100 mph every second of every day.  It isn't easy.  Lord knows I've tried to find ways to deal with it, but it just is not easy.  If you're like I am, than this isn't news to you.

Here's some of the things I did in 2016 and I'm writing this to my future self so I'll remember what worked and what helped.

  1. We were able to take a trip for a few days leading up to Christmas.  In that final week before Christmas, I truly struggle, and so this helped keep my mind off of dwelling on it.
  2. I tried to slow down for December.  Even half of my normal speed is almost too much.  A few things to do can quickly and easily overwhelm me.  So, it's best to slow it down a lot!
  3. I made sure that anything I wanted to get done to celebrate Christmas was done by the middle of the month.  I knew that the last week or two, I just needed to coast through it.  Any more than that and it was too much.
  4. I reached out to my partner and tried to explain things about what I needed.  He was very loving and compassionate and worked with me.
  5. I reached out to friends, and they were a support during this time.  In fact, I tried to help be there for them, and I think it helped me in the long run.
  6. I recognized that this was a tough time and tried hard not to beat myself up for it.  It is the way it is, and there is no sense in shaming myself into what my "surreal concept" should be for Christmas.
  7. I tried to get in extra exercise and activity by walking and worked to not let myself isolate from others or the outdoors.  Fortunately, I live in a warm climate, but just being outside in nature and the sun helped me greatly.
  8. I looked for ways to be creative, but not necessarily that I had to complete a project.  Creativity helps me deal with life and stress and the past.  If I embrace it, it helps me.
  9. I would look for moments of quietness and stillness to just take care of myself.  I didn't do this to hide or isolate, but to just give myself a chance to breathe.
  10. I worked to help connect with my mind and body through awareness and breathing so I could give myself a boost in energy to deal with all the pain I was facing.

For the most part, these things helped.  Yes, I did get depressed.  Yes, I struggled with anxiety.  I already try to stay out of the stores right around the holiday because people are usually rude and inconsiderate.  It takes very little to push me over the edge.

I do avoid any parties because I just don't do well at this time.  On Christmas, I stay away from family functions because it is just too much for me to sort out.  A good video and downtime from the computer are far more welcomed to me than having to negotiate family pain.

These things help.  I just know that it isn't an easy time and I've learned it is okay to be okay with that.  The "beautiful family gatherings" may exist out there, but I know many who struggle with the pain it brings.  If we honor and respect where we are, what we can do and that we have so much going for us, it can make the days go a little easier.

What do you do to help yourself handle Christmas?  Leave a reply and let me know.

Blog Post And Images (c) 11/30/17 by Don Shetterly
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Thursday, November 30, 2017

Tis The Season For Christmas Music

Written by Don Shetterly
By the time this posts, we will be well into the Christmas season.  The shopping is in full swing.  The company Christmas parties are scheduled.

Growing up as a kid, the holiday season was something I looked forward to for weeks.  The artificial Christmas tree going up with the lights and decorations holds an endearing place in my heart.  My mom would bake all types of Christmas candy and cookies which I enjoyed.

There were the Christmas programs at church and at school that I would rehearse for and prepare.  Most of the time I was playing Christmas carols on the piano.  I loved every minute of it.  In high school, I was the main pianist for the choir.

In among all the good, there were some very rough moments, but the one thing that remained with me throughout my life is Christmas music.  It always gave me a smile and a moment of peace.  It helps bring in the joy and anticipation of the season.

A few years ago, I had the opportunity of creating a CD of Christmas Music for someone to give as a gift.  My Christmas Songs CD is a collection of many of my own favorite songs of the season.

The CD is filled with simple music played on the piano in just the way I used to play it when I was a kid.  It will connect with you emotionally and lift you up in the spirit of the season with joy and peace.

I hope you check my CD out.  You can listen to it or download it on most of the music download sites.  If it doesn't show up in your favorite music store, let me know, and I'll see if I can get them to carry it.  If you want, you can also buy the physical CD!

The Christmas Songs CD is ideal for family gatherings or Christmas parties.  Play it when you decorate your Christmas tree.  Use it in the morning where you wake up on Christmas Day and open presents.

Please share this blog post with everyone you know.  I'm proud of this CD, and this music means something very special to me.

Tis The Season For Christmas Music!

The Christmas Songs On the CD

  1. Silent Night, Holy Night
  2. Angels From The Realms Of Glory
  3. Away In A Manger
  4. The First Noel (Nowell)
  5. What Child Is This?
  6. We Three Kings
  7. It Came Upon The Midnight Clear
  8. Hark The Herald Angels Sing
  9. O Little Town Of Bethlehem
  10. O Come All Ye Faithful
  11. Joy To The World
  12. Deck The Halls
  13. I Heard The Bells On Christmas Day
  14. Christmas Morning Bells
  15. Christmas Medley

Download / Listen To Christmas Songs 

Blog Post And Images (c) 11/30/17 by Don Shetterly
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