Friday, August 26, 2016

We Support You But Let's Not Talk About It

Some days I really wonder about life and then on other days, humans prove with their actions what they think and feel in their hearts.  I know, it is an indictment of the human race, but I hope that with the words I write, someone will be a little wiser and a little more enlightened.  Maybe I'm hoping for too much, but even with the way some humans act, I still have faith in humanity.

The tired and worn out thought, we support you but let's not talk about it, makes me weep for humanity.  I've seen this a million times.  Whether its throughout the healing journey of child sexual abuse or an organization ripping apart at the seems, it is heard loud and clear.  Whether it is in a job where you stand up for what is right or you stand up to the bully in the workplace or even if you get married and it goes against the beliefs of others, there is no mistaking it.

Are humans that fickle?  Are humans so wrapped up in themselves that they offer support but yet they don't?  These are tough questions, but each and every person should ask them and ponder them because it happens across the board in one way or another.  It happens across every city and town of every country on this planet.  I've watched it play out so many times and in so many circumstances that my eyes are weary with pain.

Can we not be real with one another...

Can we not be real with one another?  Can we not show compassion and love to one another without using our ego and judgment to cloud the waters?  Are we not better as humans to understand love, compassion, consciousness and awareness.

Unfortunately, I would like to think humans have a greater capacity to love, rather than judge.  I would love to see where humans have a better awareness of what is right and just in this world, rather than turning a blind eye and being an accomplice in what is happening before them.  I still have hope for humanity.  I still try to have faith in humanity.

Actions speak volumes...

This business about supporting someone but then acting as if it doesn't exist or you don't want to talk about it, shows what is truly in your heart.  These actions and words speak volumes about what you really mean.  You can't just go to church on Sunday or embrace the new age thought patterns and let your actions say one things, while your mouth says another.

Maybe you think you don't do this and if you don't, my hat is off to you.  However, look long and hard because you might be missing the ways that you do.  It is not out of the question to not see that which you do.

Supporting one another is a basic part of being human.  If we fail in this, we have failed those around us and we have failed ourselves.  We cannot claim to support, but then hide it under the carpet.  We cannot claim to support and then talk about the stuff in a degrading way.  We cannot claim to support but hold back showing this, even in the slightest of ways.

My hope is that instead of hiding our heads in the sand, we will learn to become better humans.  Humans that are aware and conscious and walk the walk.  To be anything less, is to short change the human race and the world.

Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly
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Thursday, August 25, 2016

Minimizing Trauma In My Life

I was reading something recently by Surviving My Past.  It was about minimizing, especially when it comes to trauma and child sexual abuse.  We all do it and often times we are not aware we do it.

Reading what Matt posted on Surviving My, reminded me of my own healing history and journey.  For a long time I really minimized what I had been through.

Some of my own statements were:

  • Everyone else has been abused, so it's just normal stuff.
  • It really wasn't that bad.
  • I'm making too big of a deal about it.
  • Just move on and get over it already.
  • It was a long time ago.
  • I haven't thought about it in years and why should I start now?
  • Everyone has stuff to deal with in their life.
  • Every family has skeletons in their closets.
  • I'm healed.  I'm over it!
  • Just don't think about it.

I'm sure you've had your own statements and done your own minimizing.  After all, if you haven't, then you might want to check your pulse.  As humans, we all minimize.  It is part of how we deal with events and experiences that are so horrible in our lives.  If the brain isn't able to deal with it, we often minimize it as a way to avoid it and distance ourselves from it.

While minimizing can be helpful at the time the trauma or experience is taking place, it becomes a distraction to us later if we don't go in and heal our lives.  Sometimes, the minimizing gets us through, but in order to release that from our life, we have to stop minimizing.

My minimizing went a little further.  Of course, that's where Conversion Disorder for me comes in because it is like I could minimize with the best!  In many ways, I could have cut off my arm and the way Conversion Disorder lets you think is that I would have said, "ah, its just a scratch. Let me put a bandaid on it".

Learned how to minimize to survive...

This is one of the reasons why those of us who have been through Conversion Disorder have such a difficult time coming out of it and healing.  We learned early on how to minimize what was going on with time, it just gets easier to minimize to the point where you cannot even see what it is that is impacting you.  I know that some will greatly disagree with what I say, but I'm speaking from experience here.

I remember when Dr. Canali started using the term, "tortured" around me and I dismissed it for a long time.  Again, I was rationing in my mind, my abuse was just like everyone else.  It wasn't that bad!  As time went on and I dealt with some very  physical issues that most medical doctors would have been at a complete loss in treating, I learned that the story was more than I thought it was.

Amnesia in trauma...

We often have amnesia about trauma we have been through.  We do it by minimizing.

In fact, a more recent story that emerged along from the rash I just dealt with is nothing but pure torture on many levels.  I cannot bring myself to share it.  It was hard enough to let anyone read it.  I'll probably take it to my next session with Dr. Canali, but the shame with it and the humiliation and very real physical pain is just so intense.  Even writing these words is almost too much.  But, it was torture.

I know I still minimize things.  It is sometimes the only way a brain can continue functioning because otherwise, the memories are like taking a garden hose to a fuse box - something is not going to end well.    I remember not that long ago when I was confronted about my anger outbursts.  I had minimized the anger so much that I did not realize just how bad this was getting.  It took an "intervention" so to speak in order to get me to wake up and see it.

From my experience, every person that I have been around with Conversion Disorder minimizes what happened to them.  I know there are many that would claim this is not true, but in the early days of my Conversion Disorder experience, I would have been agreeing with them.  In fact, I acted like nothing happened, yet my body could not function and my mind was anything but in a normal state.  The trauma runs so deep.

Minimizing is part of every disorder and health condition, whether it is a physical situation or mental health.  When experiences are too great, its the only way we can escape in that moment, but we pay a price physically and mentally as a result.  It is in healing that we begin to come to terms with those moments and start to win back our life and find our own power we hold inside.

It has taken me years and many deep body healing sessions to understand just how much I minimized things in life.  I'm finding my way back from a deep inner core level and embracing the body part of healing, not only just the mind part.

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Tired Of The Things People Do?

Are you tired of the things people do?  Are you tired of how they behave in ways that you find reprehensible?  Do you think others just don't live in life the way you think they should?

Maybe you think they should change and they don't.  Maybe you think they should live a life in the way you see it, but they continue to do things that displease you and upset you.  Maybe they believe in things you don't and you think they are wrong, or they take actions that you find totally upsetting. 

Here's the secret to getting people to change.  If you want people to change, then don't criticize them.  Don't tell them how wrong they are.  Don't scream that they know nothing and you know what is best for them.  Don't hold your ideals and beliefs as the true source of information calling everyone else stupid.  Don't say you love all people and then show nothing but hatred and contempt through your words and actions.

Focus on changing yourself first...

If you want people to change, focus on changing yourself first.  They might be mirroring what they see in you.  They may look up to you and if you act a certain way, that may become the teacher for their own life.  Focus on changing yourself first and then watch what happens to those around you.

If you want people to change, allow them to be who they are.  Allow them to be in the moment of their life where they are discovering themselves and learning and growing.  If you inject criticism into their process, you might very likely be stopping them from changing.

Stop trying to force your way of thinking...

If you want people to change, stop trying to force them into your way of thinking.  There is a good chance that you might not be 100% right either and will need to adjust your thinking in the future.  There is a possibility that someone you want to change may already have arrived at that spot a little early.

If you want people to change, give them the ability to feel loved without judgment in your presence.  Let them know that you love them no matter what and no matter how many times they feel they screwed up or stumbled.  Let them know that your love for them is without judgement.  It will get the best results.

Changing other people begins by changing ourselves.  You will get much further in changing others, when you have changed how you think, feel, and see.  Criticizing others will bring absolutely little real change.  It only sows disharmony.

Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly
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Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Is What We Share Making A Positive Difference

All too often we just post and share and like things online that really have no benefit to society or the world.  We don't stop and question what we do, we just do it.  We don't question our actions or motives, we just do it.  It is called being numb and disconnected in life.

The question we should be asking in our day is what we share, like, forward and put out into the universe - is it making a positive difference?  Does it help advance society and our civilization?  Does it help support and lift one another up or does it tear us down?

The question we should be asking is how do our actions support that which is good for this society and civilization?  Do our actions support that which is good and healing and supportive for the world, or do they just sow discord, pain, and contempt for one another?  Do our actions show what is in our heart and is what we say is in our heart, what truly shows up?

It's easy to be a rabble rouser...

It is too easy to just be a rabble rouser and scream with the masses.  It is too easy to just claim the woe is me story and demand attention.  It is too easy to not see the bigger picture and connect your mind and body together as one.

We can spew the memes and happy thoughts all day long, but if we can't show the love we proclaim, we are nothing more than a clanging cymbal.  We can stand on the street corners and pray to the heavens, but if all that comes out of our mouths is hatred, we have missed why we are praying in the first place.

We can continue unconsciously...

We can continue in our life unconsciously as if we just consume whatever is fed to us through the media and online venues or we can actually become conscious and begin to see life.  We can embrace all that is before us or find ways to stand opposed with weapons firing.

It is not up to everyone else to be a conscious individual and human.  It is not up to some government leader or politician to do what we cannot do for ourselves.  It is up to each one of us to live our life with the highest intention and good so that we lift one another up, not tear each other down.

In this country and throughout the world, there is far too much spewed in a day that does absolutely nothing good for all mankind.  We may think it does and in fact, the actions we portray may prove this, but in our hearts we have found darkness.

It is not all those out there that are the problem.  It is each one of us.  It is each one of us that harbors the pain and past experiences in our own life who have been tricked into believing the lies each one tells themselves daily.

It is each person individually that impacts the world.  Each day we are either building up and supporting one another or we are adding to the problems of this world. It is our choice what we do and what actions we take if we truly make this world a better place or we add to its problems.

The choice and actions start within us.  If you're looking to those outside of yourself to do this, you have missed the point of being human.  For when you listen to everyone but yourself, it is then that you are no longer a human living in a human body but one that is disconnected and numbed from what life truly is.

Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly
  • Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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Monday, August 22, 2016

Neuroscience In The News On Aug 22

These are articles that I found of interest relating to news about Neuroscience.  In this issue, I have highlighted a more personal moment of neuroscience and how it relates to my own healing journey from Conversion Disorder to the present moment.

Please check out the article links below and feel free to comment with other information related to these subjects.  I enjoy learning as much as I can about the brain and passing this information on to everyone else that shares these passions.

This is for the week beginning August 22, 2016.

Please come back each week and hopefully I will have some more highlights.  Feel free to share with me ones that you have found and I may highlight those as well.

Feel free to check out the highlighted articles from August 15, 2016

My Thoughts On Neuroscience

I continue to be amazed at what we are learning in Neuroscience each day.  Some of the research studies coming out are taking us light years into the future.  While some of the things we think we know, are not yet established, there is so much we don't know.

Personally, I've been through enough trauma in a lifetime and it has affected my brain, body, and everything I do, feel, think, and say.  There is no escaping it completely that I have found, although I have found some body centered therapy to drastically help in my own healing and recovery.

If you have read other blog posts or even my first book, you will see that I went through Conversion Disorder in 1991.  It was before a person could search on the internet and understand what it was.  While it seems like a distant memory now, I know that my brain was not in contact with my body and even if it tried, my body did not listen.

In the body centered therapy that I have gone through, I've learned how to feel and connect in my body, knowing that as I do this, I am recovering more of who I truly am.  It is the essence of who I am.  While we often discount therapy that is not in the mainstream medical world, I know without a doubt what this body centered therapy has done to change my life.  I have seen it change many others.

Neuroscience is helping to put together what happens in the body and the mind.  There is no denying that the two need to be connected for optimal health, life, and happiness.  The more we understand about our minds, nervous systems, and all the parts inbetween, the more we can reclaim that which was lost during traumatic experiences of our past.  May we all find a way to work together towards this common goal.

If you would like to speak to me further about my own experiences, please contact me.  I am always happy to shed the light of what I have learned and share how I came through my horrible past into the person that I am now.

You can also check out more on my book which is on Amazon.  The title is, Hope And Possibility Through Trauma by Don Shetterly