Pick A Side

By Don Shetterly

These days, it seems that too much social interaction revolves around everyone doing a pick a side.  It really is a sad testament to humanity when we can't even discuss an issue of the day without people becoming opposing forces.  It doesn't matter what the issue is.

I try hard not to pick a side on things.  Yes, I have my beliefs and opinions, but they are mine.  There's no need for me to force them on anyone else.  Far too many do that on all sides these days, and I don't think it is a good thing for our world.

Growing up, I had too many in my family that thought they always knew what was best.  Nothing stopped them from pushing their beliefs and opinions on me even if the facts did not support them.  The church we went to had a very narrow way of interpreting how we view just about everything in life including who would or would not get into heaven.

These experiences I went through left me feeling bewildered because either you saw it their way or you were just flat out wrong.  There was no allowance for differing viewpoint or beliefs.  It was one way and one way only.  You had to pick a side.

I see the same thing in everyday life where if you don't pick a side, you're banished to the side of the road.  Yet, if you point this out to anyone, they act as if "others" have the problem and not them.  They can not see the tree in front of them because of the log in their eye.

Many times I see people writing similar things to what I am saying here.  They are so tired of having to pick a side and would like people to be more respectful.  I'm not sure if the more tolerant voices get drowned out by the screamers or what, but we're hurting humanity.

Too many of the things that we deem as important in life that we will fight everyone for, are not as big as we believe they are.  Yes, there are some important issues, but to degrade others through hateful screaming and name calling does nothing to help.

I see people that bash others for behavior they do, and yet they do the same to others.  It makes me wonder if any conscious people are remaining these days.  Surely, as humans, we are more than screaming, name calling and hatemongers.  Surely, there's more to our existence.

When you pick a side, and it doesn't matter which side, you're hurting others and you are degrading yourself.  You have dehumanized the world through the lack of listening, care, and compassion.

When you pick a side, you show to the world that it is "us" against "them" and nothing good comes out of that.  No, it isn't everyone else that does this.  We point the fingers as if it is, but we could not be more wrong.

Much of this happens because we are not connected to the mind and the body.  We have our opinions and beliefs, but we are so disconnected that we have become less than human.  Change needs to start within each one of us.  We need to be the change we wish to see.

Stop playing into the game where you pick a side because you're only adding to the screaming in the world.  It is devoid of love and compassion.  We need love and compassion are so badly in the world.  You do not have to follow the crowd even though our society attempts to force that upon each of us.

Stand tall in love and compassion.  Learn how to be consciously connected to your mind and body.  By doing this, together we will help the world evolve to a better place.

Try to be more mindful of life.  Stop and evaluate how you spend your day and be aware of your actions.  One of the things that most miss in their day is truly being aware and conscious of how they present themselves to the world.  We are so unconscious in our activities which elevates these problems to epic proportions.

Don't Let Them Do It

(Written By Don Shetterly)

In one job I had, the people were treating me horribly and really acting as if I was less than human.  I had the owners of the company calling me an idiot in meetings.  I was getting screamed at for things well beyond my control.  They would have lunches for the office and keep me from eating any of the food.  It was challenging working in the place.

At the time I was seeing a counselor, and she told me a story about when she started doing student teaching as part of her college education requirements.  She walked into the classroom, and the kids were wild and would not listen to her.  No matter what, they treated her with no respect.  So, she finally went to her mentor, and he told her, the best thing she can do is “Don't Let Them Do This!”  She looked at him in disbelief as if it was that easy.

He went on to explain to her that if she mentally walked into the classroom with the mindset that “I’m not going to let them do this to me” that it would help.  She tried it, and it changed everything.  The kids started settling down and respecting her.

So, I went back to the job that I had and tried it.  Now, I’m not going to say everything was magically better or perfect, but the mindset helped.  I just told myself before walking in the office, “Don't Let Them Do It” and I don’t know what happened, but it is almost like they got the message.  They never heard me say those words, but my demeanor must have changed.   I still had some rough moments, but things were not as bad as they once were.

I know it isn’t easy because I’ve been picked on and put down in jobs and social situations.  I’m too nice of a guy at times, and sometimes I don’t speak up for myself.  Speaking up for myself does not come easy, but at some point, it is really what I have to do.  I know – it is not easy.

Doing this may take you out of your comfort zone, but sometimes that's where we learn lessons and evolve. It is a process of learning and adjusting to life because there are bullies out there everywhere.  When you’re a nice person, bullies don’t respect you.  I’m not saying to become a bully or be mean, but as I’ve found, I had to learn to stand my ground more.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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My Issues And Your Issues

Written By Don Shetterly

As I get older, I am beginning to see things differently in life.  I guess that's part of the maturing process because what once seemed to be important has shifted.  I see things differently.  I understand things differently than I once did.


Through these changes, I'm seeing that everyone has strengths and weaknesses, good and bad.  We've got moments where we triumph in our life, and we shine with all our strengths, abilities and talents.  However, we've got the other side.

There are the issues we struggle with and the weaknesses we harbor within ourselves.  Sometimes these flaws and shortcomings are on display for the whole world to see.  At other times, we hide them from anyone outside of where they exist.

I've learned that I can be vulnerable with people close to me and it is okay.  Being vulnerable is not easy for me, and I really thank Brene Brown for what she has taught on this subject.  Sometimes I just don't want anyone to think I'm what I think I am inside, even though my view may be distorted.

In many ways, I think we are all like that to some degree with some more so than other people.  There are some that completely distort how the world and those close them see their lives.

I was good at hiding things...

In fact, at one time before I went through paralysis and Conversion Disorder, everyone around me thought I had the world together and I was happy all the time.  I was good at hiding things back then.

I remember my mom going to work and she could be as sick as one could be, but no one would see it.  I learned so much from her how to hide my true self from the world.  Yet, at the same time, it meant I kept myself from interacting with the world and possibility and joy.

One thing I have noticed is that we tend to see ourselves in a more perfect light when we try to impress everyone around us.  We don't want everyone to see our flaws.  We hide it and distort it and paint the picture of what we want them to see.  Sometimes there are moments where this may be needed.

Yet, deep inside we sometimes feel fragile and damaged and not having much skill, talent, or good to our lives.  Even when others see how much we offer, we sometimes cannot see this in ourselves, and so we hold the "frail" image of ourselves as the measurement of all that exists in life.

We insulate ourselves...

If we go too far with hiding ourselves from the world and not allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, we tend to go around lashing out at others.  We join the bandwagon with the rest of the folks tearing others down, hurling hateful insults against one another and highlighting their issues.  It is the way we hide from ourselves because if we put the spotlight on others, we insulate our true self.

Social media gives us a high speed interstate to point out the issues of others and focus on the distorted view we see within ourselves.  It is one of the negatives of social media that sometimes really frustrates me.  Of course, it is our choice how we interact with it personally, but I hope that we can move in the direction where we use it for positive change, not hate and insults and unconsciousness.

All of us have our issues.  We were born with them, and we picked some of them up along the way through our families, schools, communities, and circle of people we know.  It is okay to have issues, but hopefully, we learn from them while recognizing that instead of pointing out the issues of everyone else, we can do much more by working on our own.

I keep challenging myself to be more and learn more about my life.  I don't want those days pre-Conversion Disorder when I showed that everything was fine to the world and I was in a hundred kinds of pain.

Being real and authentic and working to improve our lives each day - that's the ticket to becoming more and learning from our issues.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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It's Not My Circus

Some days it is far too easy to get wrapped up in events that are just not part of our lives.  I'm one that can easily wrap myself up in things that just don't need to be in my life.  Part of that goes with being a highly sensitive person.  I feel so much and want to help others so much.

However, I'm learning more and more that it is not always my circus.  I don't have to engage with everything going on.

We all tend to do this though or the vast majority.  We make things that are not necessarily our issues, into major catastrophes.  When we do that, we rob ourselves of joy and energy, and we place so much stress and trauma on our lives.

If you look at the latest news headlines, there are far too many that eat, breathe, and live this at every turn in their life.  Sure, some of it is important, but if everything becomes the latest headline of the day, you're missing out on so much that truly does matter.  So much of this, we just need to realize that it is not my circus.

There are people who twist everything you say into some political punchline or issue manifesto.  I'm just surprised and shocked by the extent of this.  No matter what you say, someone makes it into their issues that they can't let go.  To that, I have to say, It's Not My Circus!

Some days we are far too shallow in seeing the bigger picture of life.  We focus on the mundane moments that are fed to us as if they are the only things that matter.  We find blame in everyone and everything, but we don't stop and disengage from all these things.

Yes, there is so much going on in our world today, but if we belly up to the bar and drink from its sustenance, we're only adding to the world's problems.  I know this isn't easy to understand, but if we want humanity to come back to the forefront, we have had to take a hard look at why we engage in what we do.

 Sometimes just stepping back and realizing that it's not my circus is the best thing you can do.  Sometimes it is best to step back and breathe and look at the bigger picture.  I'm not saying, close your eyes to what is going on, but make your life into much more than is happening in the world around us.

There a bright big beautiful world out there and social media or the news or your friend's drama are most likely not going to be the ones to enlighten you with what exists.  It is only by disconnecting from the drama will you find a way to discover it.

Sometimes you just have to say, "it's not my circus."

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Intolerance Is Not Love

I posted something yesterday on my twitter feed and within a short time, I lost well over 50 followers.  I lost count at some point because they were coming in so fast, I could not keep up.  It amazes me just how intolerant people are.

I realize gay marriage can be a volatile topic, but I try to be very respectful, warm, and compassionate in all that I write and share.  I don't try to force you to believe in what I do, but I don't shy away from putting out there in the world, that which impacts my life.  I try to stay open to all things, all thoughts, views, beliefs and actions.  Sometimes I may fall flat on my face doing this, but I try hard.

Many of the profiles that unfollowed were of "enlightened people" or at least that is what they claimed.  Some of the profiles claimed love and tolerance and being open.  Some gave the impression that they were the best people in the world.  It surprised me reading some of the profiles because either those are just words they wrote, or they don't understand what they wrote in the profile.

I step outside my comfort zone...

You will not see me back away from issues because they are too tough to deal with in our world.  I know that the only way I can learn and grow is if I step outside of my comfort zone.  Now, don't get me wrong in what I'm saying here.  There are plenty of things that I see which absolutely don't resonate with me and even if I step outside of my comfort zone, I don't bathe in them.

Welcoming thoughts and ideas and beliefs you don't agree with helps us understand one another and it helps us to grow.  It does not mean we have to agree or disagree with these things.  It does not mean we have to embrace them.  We can expose ourselves to them and then see how they apply to our own life.  It means that we can evaluate them and then decide what we want to do with these thoughts, ideas, beliefs, and opinions.  It can help us understand another individual from a new perspective.

It is not love...

To categorically reject something you see posted is shortsighted in my mind.  It is not what makes a thinker great.  It is not what makes a person truly human in my view.  It is not love.  It is intolerance.

I was saddened yesterday when this happened and I was grateful that a few encouraged me publicly and privately.  I try to be a very caring and respectful person, so when that many reject one little tweet I made, it really hurts.  I'm sensitive and I don't deal with rejection very well.  It was the absence of love and tolerance.

I want to challenge us to be more than we are.  I want to challenge us to include more people than we do.  I want to challenge us to listen more than we do and allow some other thought, idea, belief or opinion to look us straight in the eye.

As a civilization, I think we can be more than we are.  I think instead of intolerance being the new norm in life, we can rise to meet the possibilities of the future.  We can rise up with love.  If we walk hand in hand, we will be stronger, than if we cut the hands off of our fellow humans.

To those that unfollowed, I'm sorry that you decided to do this.  I hope you will reconsider and challenge yourself to greater heights.  I hope you will help me understand things that I don't understand or know at this moment.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Helping Others Helps Us

I've been facing my own demons lately and I had a therapy session to give, but I thought I would not be up for it.  The only thing that motivated me to continue with the therapy session, was that the person was counting on me and really needed it.  Sometimes helping others when life is tough is not easy.

Going into that session, I wasn't sure if I could be there for that person.  I wasn't sure if I would have enough to give to make a difference.  I saw the issues in my own life more than I saw the possibilities.

Yet, what I found after I got done with the sessions, I actually felt better about my situation.  It was almost like (in fact it was like) by going in and being there for the other person, I actually helped heal myself as well.

When I went into that healing space with them, I was part of that space that helped heal me.  It was like there was plenty for everyone and all I had to do was to step in the moment of helping others.  When I did, it helped me.