Stand Opposed

Written By Don Shetterly

These days it feels like everyone hates one another.  I'm not sure there is anything but hatred these days.  So much is shared online of how we should love one another.  We say it to those who agree with us, but the premise remains the same.

If you're not in a specific thought bubble on whatever subject it is on, then somehow you're a bad person.  You're wrong and stupid and all the other adjectives that one could list here.  That's how it is portrayed online each and every day.

It isn't just about one subject that gets screamed about every day.  I've seen it lately from things that you wouldn't expect it to things that do not seem to be controversial.  As I've found, don't you dare disagree because you are the one that will be outcast.

Far too much of this comes from those who don't want to discuss issues but think everything they say is right (and all others are wrong).  Much of this comes from those who profess love and acceptance of everyone, but give them an online comment and they will get down in the mud pit with everyone else.

See, I think these statements about love, acceptance, and rising above everyone is just codeword for you don't agree with me and I don't want to talk to you.  I may be wrong, but I see more and more evidence of this.

If we just stand opposed on every subject under the sun, then how does that make us a civilization?  How are we a part of the human experience if we only want to hear the things that we agree within a day?

Sure, everyone says they want this, but far too few actually put it into action.  Remember when you get down in the mud pit of life and wrestle with everyone, no one can tell you apart.  Everyone in the mud pit looks like the other.

We've got enough issues in this world and to create more just for the sake of screaming along with the crowd, that's not being human.  In fact, that is ego driven in my view.  It is born out of fear that overtakes a person.  Human is a long ways off.

I wish this world would jam the gear in reverse, but I'm afraid we're going to go through some painful experiences before things reverse.  No one cares about one another these days (unless it is someone in your own tribe).  No one knows how to show respect for each other.  Yes, they can spout off memes, thoughts, and bible verses showing how loving and compassionate they are.

Maybe we just need to step back and see how we respond to situations.  Have you really looked at what you say and do?  Is it truly done out of respect, or is it hateful and spiteful?

The other day, I had an exchange with someone and I'll let you read what happened when instead of being sarcastic or spiteful, a simple reply with respect changed the course of a day.  It can be that simple, but first, we have to get it right within ourselves.  The following tweet was just part of the conversation that helped change the course of the day with another individual.

If you want to practice #Kindness - think about the responses you make to social media postings, videos, and news. If you can't practice kindness in those moments, do you truly understand what it means to be kind?

— Don Shetterly (@mindbodythought) November 14, 2018

The person responded

LOL thank u Don, for I have certainly roasted couple severals of people to a charred crisp. While I think they deserve it, they also deserve love/compassion. So today is that day I'm sending it out to them & ALL, including you. I don't know u, but I love u for the person u are.

To which I said,

One day is better than nothing.  

Sometimes just a different response can mean so much to the whole world.  May we all try to give a different response - one that is respectful, compassionate, and kind.

Lashing Out At People

Written By Don Shetterly

Recently, I have had a couple of experiences that left me dazed and scratching my head.  In both cases, I said one thing and someone else took it completely out of context.  They inserted words or their experiences into it and then began the assault.

In both cases, what I said and what they read into it were miles apart.  It didn't help that I tried to explain what it was that I meant.  They were having none of that.  They had already come to a conclusion in their mind that I should be found guilty for whatever crime they believe I committed.

Sure, I know we all hear incorrectly what others sometimes say.  I understand that, but when someone lashes out at you instead of trying to understand or listen, there is only so much you can do.

I saw this a lot in the house I grew up in and it was so common, no one realized they were doing this.  Often you would hear, "We hurt the ones we love the most."   While I accepted that back then, I no longer accept that because it is abusive.

When people filter out what you say, it is hard to get them to see the complete picture.  It is difficult to understand the true intent of their words and as a result, you end up spewing toxic garbage on them and yourself.  It makes things pretty messy.

I see these situations that I experienced as someone demanding that I understand, but I was not able to have a moment to explain.  They deemed me guilty of something I didn't do.  Would it not be better if they helped me understand why they reacted the way they did?  Would that not be more beneficial?

The experiences are sad and the best reaction I can have is just to walk away from the toxicity.  No matter what I try to say, it isn't going to be enough.  No matter how hard I try to convince someone in these situations, they are not going to begin trying to understand what I said.

Of course, these days, this is how our country and the world reacts to other people.  We don't truly listen and we judge others before anyone has a chance to articulate their point.  We rush to the execution because in our eyes, we are right and everyone else is wrong.  How does this advance humanity?

At one time, I would have gotten in the ring and fought until I thought I had won.  These days I do not see the benefit of jumping in the mud pit because I know that if I do, no one will be able to tell the other person and me apart.

If we want others to understand what we know, we need to give them the benefit of the doubt.  We need to listen to them and not judge them before they open their mouth.  For when we judge and accuse someone before we see the entire situation, we're really making the world a worse place.

We owe it to one another to be there for the other person and help them travel this journey together.  The more we can lift up and honor humanity together, the more progress we all make.

What Is Wrong With People?

by Don Shetterly

Lately, it feels like everyone is at odds with one another.  Everyone wants to preach love and acceptance and positivity.  Everyone wants the feel-good stuff, but then they turn around and do just the opposite.

What's wrong with people?

It seems like everywhere I turn, people are angry and frustrated and often downright mean.  The love they say they have for others disappears when you interact with them.  The acceptance is anything but that when you connect with them.

Sure, maybe there is plenty of reason to be angry and frustrated, but we don't have to be hateful to one another.

People just want to spew their hatred all day long.  They don't care how it damages anyone in the wake left behind.  In fact, they don't even realize they are doing it, but they are quick to point out what others do wrong.

Hopefully, I'm not the one that is being blind here, but I do try hard not to propagate frustration and anger or stress on to others.  It serves no one any good if I do that.

I grew up in a home where people took their anger out on others, and it got quite old.  It was often explained to me that we hurt the ones we love the most.  How twisted is that thought?  There's no need to hurt anyone.

We look at others as if they are the problem and until they change, we are going to tell them what they should do, how they should act, and what they should believe.  It is sickening.

The best thing anyone can do is work on how they present themselves to the world.  Don't wait for others to change because you will be waiting a lifetime.  Instead, work on changing yourself.  Spread love to others and do it authentically.

Don't spread the horrible stuff on social media that only incites further hatred towards one another.  Don't jump on the bandwagon screaming with the other people that think adding screaming to an already noisy world is going to help.  Instead, take a hard inventory of what you display and what is in your heart.

If we continue to look at what's wrong with people, we're missing the log in our own eye.  We have not understood our role in this even if we want to puff our chests up and act as if we're perfect.

We are reaching toxic levels of humanity where it will begin eating into the physical health of our world.  We cannot sustain the actions of what we do to one another because it takes us so far away from being human.

Before you spew that hatred and share that social media post lambasting a fellow human - take a deep breath, take a drink of water and then collect your thoughts.  Most likely by the time you go back to it, your rational mind will see things differently.

You Don't Have To Engage

Written By Don Shetterly

For some reason, I do not understand, we as humans think we need to engage in every fight that comes along.  Just a little tip here which I'm sure you've heard before, You don't have to engage.

Now, I know, everyone will claim they don't engage.  Many will state they rise above everything.  Many will deplore what is going on.  However, what is said to the masses and what is done while no one is looking do not match up.

I'm sorry.  I hate to be the bearer of honest news to everyone, but I see this day in and day out.  It isn't hard to figure out with a couple of clicks on the internet.  What we say to the world and what we do are not the same actions.

The more significant point is you don't have to engage with the turmoil and screaming of the day.  The world will go on whether you do or not.  If we're not careful, we're just adding more fuel to the fire.

Yep, somehow we think that dumping our own fuel on the fire is helpful, but basic science teaching says that dumping fuel, only increases the fire.  I know you'll tell me you don't do this.  It is all those other people that do.  This is where I cringe and just let you continue to think that you don't do this.

I get it.  We are humans.  When we feel scared or threatened or attacked, we want to bring it on and let everyone know just what we think.  It does make sense.  However, don't you need to ask yourself if you're really helping the situation by responding the way you do?

As Oprah said the other day to Jimmy Kimmel, "You don't win by meeting any kind of negativity head-on."  There is much truth to this statement.

Everyone thinks they are right and so they engage.  They don't listen to what someone has to say.  It doesn't matter if you are on one side of the issue or another in this country.  No one listens to another because they have their minds made up.

When we continuously engage in this screaming and negativity, we're not helping anything.  Most of all, we're keeping our mind, body, and nervous system revved up, and that's not healthy.  It creates more stress.  Stress creates illness and health issues.  The end result is we end up hurting ourselves.

I'm not saying to crawl under a rock and hide, but you don't have to engage.  You can listen to someone say something that you don't agree with because maybe they have a point in there that you need to hear.  You can do what others don't do to you thereby modeling behavior that is more healthy and respectful.

Most of all, don't get in the middle of the mud pit and expect to come out looking any different than the other people.  Rise above it with love, understanding, and compassion.  Use your life to help teach and show others a different route through it.

Remember - you don't have to engage!

If You Care - Show It

Written By Don Shetterly

Don't just state the word, I care and stop there!  If you care, show it!

I get so frustrated by people who say they care and want to be involved in your life, but their actions are a million miles from that point.

Yes, I know that I've got issues with this, but some people don't seem to put things together in the brain.  I'd just rather not hear the words come out of their mouth.  Then I would have no expectations that they care.  I'd be pleasantly surprised than let down.

See, that's the thing!  If you tell someone something and then don't follow through, it is one big let down.  If you honor what you say then you enrich your life and theirs.

I find it very offensive and disrespectful to hammer into someone's mind that you care and then you fail to show it.  If you care, show it!  It is that simple.

We've got too much hyperbole in this world today with screaming matches going on with other people.  We don't need more inauthenticity.  We don't need more words spoken.  What this world needs is people who are genuine and authentic and do what they say they will do.

It really hurts when you're treated this way.  The pain inflicts a million stabs into the heart.  May we all learn the basics of what being human is about because the world needs that more than ever.  We have gone too far the other way in this civilization.

So, if you care - SHOW IT!

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 01/1/18 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required in writing before any part of this blog is reprinted, reworded, transmitted or used in any format. 
• Feel free to share the blog post LINK and a brief summary.  

---

Rolling In The Mud Pit

Written By Don Shetterly

I know, it feels like you have to engage with others slinging the mud.  In all reality, you don't have to join in the mud pit.  For those people who are sensitive and care deeply, it feels like you have to fight back and stand up for what happens online.

Now, before you get me wrong, let me explain.  I am not talking about turning a blind eye to anything, especially abuse and people who are a bully.  It is my opinion that if you engage them and as a result, they engage you, you are rolling around in the mud pit with them.  If two people roll in the mud together, you can't tell them apart.

It is like someone that calls names on the playground.  If you call them names back, are you any different?  In my view, one becomes the same as the name caller.  If one bullies another and you do the same back, are you any different.  I would suggest that we are not.

In fact, with everyone screaming at one another or the ones they deem as being horrible and disgusting and abusive, the screaming is only rolling around in the mudpit with them.  It serves little purpose.  They are not going to listen.  They don't care about anyone's viewpoint but their own.

I grew up in a house like this where whatever was said by my Dad or older brother mattered.  Even if they were flat out wrong, they would still argue with me.  Here are two instances that are minor but show what I am referring to in this post.

One time my sheep needed some medication and I knew it.  I always read up on the latest techniques for caring for my sheep.  My neighbor which also had sheep worked with me to help me learn how to properly care for them.  Because I said to my dad that we needed to give this medication, he fought me.  In his eyes, I didn't know anything.  It took me getting my neighbor to come over and convince him that we needed to do this.  No matter what I said or did, my dad would not listen.  He was flat out wrong, but it was his way or no way.

Another time when I was a kid, my older brother tried to convince me that we needed to somehow buy a riding lawnmower.  I was much younger than him, but understood far more.  He argued with me that if we bought the lawnmower on payments, we only had to pay for it during the summer.  As a small kid, I knew this was not how things worked.  He argued until I just walked away and got my parents to convince him that he was wrong.  He was not going to allow for the fact that maybe he didn't understand things.  He was convinced he was right.

While these examples are minor, it is the same basic thing we are doing online and in family and friend circles today.  We just scream at one another.  We don't listen and we don't even hear the other side.  Everyone is an enemy that doesn't know anything.  While others may be flat out wrong, they might have valid points and if we don't attempt to see those, we're rolling around in the mud pit.

The human ego loves to be right.  It wants to be heard above anyone else.  It wants to know that it is in control.  The heart is shoved aside as if it doesn't matter even though it begs for everyone to engage it over the ego.

In this day, we're spending more time in the mud pit screaming with one another and it is almost impossible to tell each other apart.  We think we're adding something to the day, but we're adding to the problems.  The egotistical people who think all others are the enemy are not going to listen to reason.  Their ego will not allow them.  To engage with them in this way, will only exasperate the situation.  In fact, if you ignore their rants, it would drive them crazy and insane.  The only thing is the human ego is not wired to do that.

If you're very sensitive like I am and have been abused in the past, this behavior drives you crazy.  I struggle with it.  I weep for it.  This world is being cranked up into a danger zone and if we don't reverse this quickly, our collective health is going to suffer in ways that we cannot even see.

We can all do our part to not engage with the abusive bullies of our day.  We can work to help further civilization and humanity, or we can just get down in the mudpit with everyone else.

I no longer watch the news.  I do read some headlines, but the news is toxic and this goes for just about any side of it.  We've lost sight of this so much that we can no longer tell the difference.  It feels like we cannot survive without this toxic news we gulp down every day.

Making the world a better place isn't about what everyone else does.  It is what we do as individuals.  Collectively our attitudes and responses make up civilization.  If we do that which we despise, we're no better than those we deem as adversaries.

Let us get our own life in order and let that shine for the world to see.  No, it may not drown out the screaming voices in the mud pit, but I believe there are enough of us that together will be much louder in the end by not engaging.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 11/29/17 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required in writing before any part of this blog is reprinted, reworded, transmitted or used in any format. 
• Feel free to share the blog post LINK and a brief summary.  

---

With Empathy and Without Judgment

Written By Don Shetterly

I see this happen all the time.  I saw it way back, on one of the earliest little forums for people helping others.  We tried to learn how to own up to our own insecurities and be empathetic with others.  We tried not to respond with judgment, even that which was inadvertent.

Yet, I still see the same thing practiced today that I saw back then.  Everyone wants to preach at another person and tell them what they should do.  Rather than telling themselves, they make sure everyone hears what they are doing wrong.

Often times, I think we are really telling ourselves what we should do, while we make our response out to be for someone else.  It is a subtle distinction but very powerful and very preachy.

I'm sure I probably fail in this at times on this blog.  I try hard, but sometimes, it just happens.

However, I do find that if I share some of my own struggles and become vulnerable with others, it means so much more to them than if I started telling them what to do.  Saying that you should do this or you should do that does not connect as much as if I share my own struggle and how I got through it.

We resonate deeply with others when we know someone has walked through the fire.  When it is hard to determine that, we're not as inclined to hear.  When we feel the slightest ego or judgment, it is then that we say, "I'll figure this out on my own," and we tune others out.

There are far too many in this world, and especially online, who are quick to judge and tell you what they think you should be doing.  It is an epidemic, and with social media, it happens in an instant.  Everyone has an opinion, but these days, it is turned into belief and fact, without consideration that not everyone sees things the way they do.  It is okay if we all see things differently because together it makes us stronger.

Healing and helping are about putting your arm of compassion around someone and saying, "I'm here for you."  It is about checking your own issues, cloaked in judgment, at the door because they help no one.  If you respond through your own wounded self and ego, it is not a healthy connection.

(click to read the blog post)

Yes, I know we are all human, and we're all learning.  We are probably never going to get this right 100% of the time, but I believe we need to put a much greater effort toward it.  If we want to be human, we need to focus on where our responses to others originate.

So, let's try something.  Just for today.  When you talk or write back to people, whether it is in person or online, how are you genuinely coming across?  Are you connecting with an arm of compassion and love, or is your ego making sure that your opinions and beliefs are being forced upon others?

Check Out

• MindBodyThoughts.com

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Buck Up or Man Up!

Written by Don Shetterly

This topic gets under my skin so quickly.  When I hear someone tell me or another person to "BUCK UP or MAN UP" I want to do some things that are not nice thoughts.  How anyone can be this inconsiderate and  not compassionate is beyond my wildest comprehension of humanity.

To say these things to anyone is very harmful and shows you know very little about what someone is going through.  It is degrading and toxic.  It is spitting in their face from what they are going through in their life.

Why people do this, I'll never understand!  It is far from human and just about as mean as one could get.  It is almost like someone is trying to push you over the cliff thinking they are doing something good for you.  With friends like this, who needs enemies!

We don't know how to respect one another...

Yes, I understand that in this day and age, we have no clue what it means to be human.  We don't know how to respect one another.  We don't know how to have compassion and love for one another.

All we seem to know how to do is spout off nonsense and tear each other apart.  We have no concept of what empathy means or compassion.  We just have to force our beliefs and opinions of what we think is helpful on to every person around us.  This is not being human.  It is far from that concept!

Often times we tell others what we should be telling ourselves.  Yet, we're so unconscious that we can't even see what we are doing. What comes out of our mouth is not meant to be toxic poison on another person.  It is meant for us to say to ourselves or reconcile to what is truly helpful.

Two Ears and ONE mouth...

We were given one mouth and two ears.  We should really use them in an appropriate amount but for some reason, we as humans in this world think that we have to talk twice as much as we listen.  This could not be further from the truth.

When someone is going through a difficult moment, it is not up to you to have the answers.  Sometimes just listening to them can be the biggest help.  By listening to them, I mean using your ears more than your mouth.  Sorry, if this sounds harsh, but it is time we had some wake-up calls in this world.

Heaping more stress on someone...

Saying BUCK UP or MAN UP does nothing for anyone.  You just end up heaping a little more stress on a person when you do this.  You should that you're not that compassionate and you really don't care about what they are going through.  You are more interested in telling them what YOU think they should do.

Telling someone to BUCK UP or MAN UP is like hitting them with a car, then backing up and driving over them again.   If you don't think it is as harmful as this, try going through a very difficult ordeal in your life and see what it feels like when someone does this to you.

We've got to learn how to be more compassionate with people.  We are past the point of no return and every day we share and retweet what we do, we're proving that beyond a shadow of a doubt.  Every time we tell others what we think as if it was the truth, we're degrading all of humanity into something that means nothing.

It isn't all the other people out there with the problem.  It is each one of us and how we react, what we share and say to people we know and the world that is the problem.  Let's talk from our heart with love, not scream words our ego dictates to us.  If we change how we communicate and how we see others, we will improve the world many times over.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

A Gaping Wound Of Society

Written By Don Shetterly

As I write this, I am seeing the news of the massacre that happened in Las Vegas.  Last night about the time it started, I was awakened by an uneasy feeling.  Just like in the Pulse Nightclub attack, I felt what was going on.  It is not an easy thing to deal with when you physically feel these horror filled moments.

I'm struggling to focus as I write this because I am stunned.  Like so many others, I can find no way to comprehend how anyone could do such a thing to innocent people.  I cannot comprehend what it was like to be there in that moment of what Jason Aldean said, "beyond horrific!"

This continues to be a gaping wound of society.  It feels like one tragedy after another.  It feels like there is no guaranteed tomorrow.  We wonder if we're next.  It frightens and numbs us.

We're living in a country right now where everyone thinks screaming at one another is a good thing.  There is no listening and there is hardly any compassion to be found.  Instead we blame one another.  We point fingers at one another.  We call each other names.

There is no respect for one another.  It seems like we only see each other as an enemy, not as a fellow human that is walking this earth the same way we are.

What will it take to stop this...

I wonder what it will take to stop this.  I wonder when it will end.  It is mind boggling to me just how much hate there is in the world, both directed internally and externally.

The way this event will touch the lives of so many will unfold in the days and months ahead.  I still remember the Pulse Nightclub attack and how it left all of us in this area dazed and confused.  It still hits me in the gut knowing what happened.

The only thing I can add in this blog post with is what someone on twitter wrote.  I think it is a perfect thought for this moment, because I know of no other thing that makes sense to me right now.

Don't let all these tragedies numb your empathy towards humanity...#LasVegas

— Only In Boston (@OnlyInBOS) October 2, 2017

May each of us work to find a way to reverse the course we are on in this world.  It is not up to anyone else but each of us individually.

If we share those tweets that spread the hatred, we're fanning the flames.  If we connect and propagate on those that only know hate and divisiveness, then we're as much a part of the problem.

I hope we choose differently as individuals.  The violence and hatred has got to stop.  It is not helping humanity.  We all have to look long and hard at how we contribute to this.

Let not our actions in a day or what we engage in be part of the gaping wound of society.  Let us be the healing balm applied so the wound disappears and scar tissue forms.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Open Your Mouth and Remove All Doubt

(Written By Don Shetterly)

Some days I wonder about people.  I really do.  I try to see people as a body that has a pure center of light and love within them.  Some people challenge me hard on that, and while I try to let it go, it gets to me.

I offered support to some people the other day, and of course got one of the "unconscious" statements, wanting to wave a magic wand.  We've all seen that.  We've seen the ridiculous comments that do nothing to help support others.

A long time ago, I learned that sometimes you can be silent and make people wonder, or you can open your mouth and remove all doubt.  In social media, we often open our mouths when maybe we shouldn't, and by doing so, we remove all doubt.

We should help one another...

We are humans!  We should be helping one another to survive on this challenging planet we call home.  We should be working to evolve our own consciousness so that we can be there for others.  Everyone needs everyone because life can be difficult in the best of the time and downright be exhausting at other times.

Yes, I know that there are a lot of wounded people walking this planet.  These wounded people are the vocal ones telling everyone else what they should do while forgetting that they need to heal themselves.  Yes, I understand that is asking a lot, but when the "you should do this" comes out, you're really not helping anyone.

People need someone to listen and be there for them.  They need people who have walked through the fires of their own lives so they can help them go through it on their own.  We need people who genuinely know what support is, where you can see it as evidence through their actions and words.

Just to open your mouth unconsciously does no good.  In fact, you often inflict further wounds upon people.  You make it harder for them.  They are already struggling to hang on, but with some of the things that get said, it is like you're pushing them over the cliff.

When we open our mouths, let us make sure we are helping someone from the heart.  Let us not be the person that removes all doubt and leaves people struggling harder than before we came along in their path.  Let's be people that help each other and leave others in a better place than before we opened our mouths.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Don't Let Them Do It

(Written By Don Shetterly)

In one job I had, the people were treating me horribly and really acting as if I was less than human.  I had the owners of the company calling me an idiot in meetings.  I was getting screamed at for things well beyond my control.  They would have lunches for the office and keep me from eating any of the food.  It was challenging working in the place.

At the time I was seeing a counselor, and she told me a story about when she started doing student teaching as part of her college education requirements.  She walked into the classroom, and the kids were wild and would not listen to her.  No matter what, they treated her with no respect.  So, she finally went to her mentor, and he told her, the best thing she can do is “Don't Let Them Do This!”  She looked at him in disbelief as if it was that easy.

He went on to explain to her that if she mentally walked into the classroom with the mindset that “I’m not going to let them do this to me” that it would help.  She tried it, and it changed everything.  The kids started settling down and respecting her.

So, I went back to the job that I had and tried it.  Now, I’m not going to say everything was magically better or perfect, but the mindset helped.  I just told myself before walking in the office, “Don't Let Them Do It” and I don’t know what happened, but it is almost like they got the message.  They never heard me say those words, but my demeanor must have changed.   I still had some rough moments, but things were not as bad as they once were.

I know it isn’t easy because I’ve been picked on and put down in jobs and social situations.  I’m too nice of a guy at times, and sometimes I don’t speak up for myself.  Speaking up for myself does not come easy, but at some point, it is really what I have to do.  I know – it is not easy.

Doing this may take you out of your comfort zone, but sometimes that's where we learn lessons and evolve. It is a process of learning and adjusting to life because there are bullies out there everywhere.  When you’re a nice person, bullies don’t respect you.  I’m not saying to become a bully or be mean, but as I’ve found, I had to learn to stand my ground more.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Love The One You Are With

Written By Don Shetterly

I see so many hurtful comments online, and I hear them in person from people who are married or together within a relationship.  It is almost like they despise being with this person or married to them and it boggles my mind.


Should it not be, love the one you're with?

Growing up in my house, not only did I witness domestic violence but I regularly heard my dad gripe and complain about my mom.  Nothing she did was ever enough.  Being a woman, he was so derogatory against her, and it was things that should have never been said to a child.

Stop complaining about your wife...

I saw someone the other day complaining on social media that he hated his job, but it was better than going home to his wife that he despised.  I was stunned as I read this.  My only thought was "why is he with his wife if he hates her that much."

Men have a long ways to go in this area.  If you can't treat the person you are with in respect, why are you with them?  Maybe you need to do some soul searching because more than likely, it is not only your wife that has issues.

Respect the ones we love...

I've been with my husband for 17 years and only married now for one year.  I would never think of disparaging him in the way I saw my dad do or I see others do.  I love him with all my heart and have from the moment we met.  Our love has only grown deeper with each day.

If we don't respect those we meet or are in a relationship, what does that say about us as an individual?  If we don't show love to them, how can we expect to be loved?  More than likely we don't love or respect ourselves, and that is where it begins.

Just because a father or others show disrespect, it does not mean you have to propagate this forward.  If you're in a relationship where disrespect is at the heart of all you do, you may need to evaluate why you are in that relationship.  Life is too short to go around hating and disrespecting others, especially those that we profess we love.

Come on men - let's strive to do better.  Let's make our words count, not just be ones that are spoken.  Let's own what we say and show by example that we value others in our life.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Loyalty Of Child Abusers

Written By Don Shetterly

One of the things I witnessed and saw in my house was how my dad controlled everyone.  I can remember him shouting at us that if we ever went to the cops for what he did to us, that it would be the last thing we did.  As evidenced of what he did to our pets, there was no mistaking what he meant.


He demanded complete loyalty to him.  He accepted nothing but us worshiping at his feet.  He would explain to us that we are family and that family loves one another.  If we questioned this in any way, it was that we had no loyalty or love for our family.

My dad would scream and rant and rave.  He'd pound his fist on the table to make his point.  There was no double crossing the family.  There was no double crossing him.  You had to back him up no matter what for anything he did.

His transgressions included child sexual abuse, rape, molestation, physical beatings, emotional abuse, domestic violence again my mom, lying and cheating.  They also included the murder of innocent pets via the use of guns or drowning in rivers.

He demanded loyalty...

Of course, he demanded loyalty.  We were not allowed to say anything to anyone.  We feared for our own lives.

Later on, when I was in the hospital and dared to speak out about what I had been through, he quit talking to me.  He showed me what the silent treatment was all about because I dared to stand up and say, this wasn't right.  In fact, he turned my entire family against me including neighbors and friends that I had known for a long time.

Does this sound like someone that should deserve loyalty and respect?  Hopefully, your answer is NO!  Anyone that does not allow for dissent or a difference of opinion is not a healthy individual.  If you do not permit yourself to be challenged, you are not a strong person in my view.

I'm so tired of hearing about loyalty these days.  I've heard it so many times in jobs.  The companies that tried to tell me they would never ask me to cheat or lie are the ones that broke the rules.  These were major corporations.

Loyalty is not about breaking the law or following someone blindly.  It is about having the respect for others.  It is about gaining respect because you earned it and you deserve it.  It is not given because you threaten people or you scream and yell at them.

The ego loves greed and control.  It likes to manipulate and punish those who don't accept their ideas as law.  It is not about being human.

We need to wake up in this world because each one of us that falls into these traps diminishes our light and our love in this world.  The more we feed the control and manipulation of the ego, the more it grows.

I so wish that I could have stood up to my dad but there would have been no one that would have listened in those days.  The payback would have been hell if I had not succeeded.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Have Respect For Yourself

Written By Don Shetterly

It is easy to just walk all over ourselves some days.  It is much easier at times not to have respect for yourself.  However, if we don't respect ourselves, no one else will.


When you've been abused as a kid, you learned early on to not have respect for yourself.  People greater than you in those moments took that power away and robbed you of your respect.  It is one of the hardest things I've had to work on in my healing.

For a long time, I let bosses and jobs walk all over me.  If they wanted something done, I could not say no.  I could not say, enough is enough.  I did what was expected of me, not what was best for me.

Many times I have volunteered my skills and talents only to be taken advantage of in those situations.  I'm not sure the organization set out to do that to me, but they did, and I was a willing accomplice.  I didn't respect myself enough to say no, this is as much as I'm going to give.

In friendships, I sometimes give and give, but I rarely allow anyone to give back to me.  I feel like it is selfish at times, but in many respects, if a friendship is going one way only, it is not healthy.  I didn't respect myself enough to think that I deserved anything.

I'm a person that is always there for others, but sometimes I just don't respect myself enough to say, that's the line, and I'm not going to cross it.

Respecting ourselves is important, and even though our boundaries may have been obliterated, it is something we have to learn in our lives.  If not, we'll just heap turmoil and difficulty upon ourselves by not respecting who we are as a person.

No one else out there will have respect for us if we don't have respect for ourselves.  No one is going to give us respect if we cannot do the same.

It is up to us individually to set the tone for what we expect out of life.  Let us be the ones to establish the right tone.  Our example will illuminate others.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Anger Spilling Into Everything

Written By Don Shetterly

Every day I keep seeing more and more that almost gives evidence to the human population spinning out of control.  It is sad in my view because surely as human beings, we can be more than that.


We point the fingers at one another.  We become disrespectful with our social media words.  We look at everyone who doesn't agree with us as some part of the problem, not as a human like us.

I see anger spilling into everything.  Maybe it is because we do not know how to let the anger go as a civilization.  Maybe it is that there is so much anger that it is feeding off of every facet of our lives.  I just see anger spilling out into the simplest of moments.

Lately, I've gotten replies on tweets that boggle my mind.  The ones responding are either trying to sound cute or just responding out of anger and spite and disrespect.  I struggle to figure it out at times.  Even if you try to ask for clarification, they come back with even more anger-filled comments.

I've had people try to tell me how to run my stuff and tweet and write.  My system does work for me, but if it bothers someone so much that they respond with anger, maybe they need not follow me.  I cannot please all people all the time.  I don't understand the control that some will try to push upon others.

But more importantly, we need to stop and check our anger at the door.  Anger is far too prevalent these days, and the more we nurture its growth rather than acknowledging it and letting it go, the more we will harm ourselves and all humans.

This world doesn't need more anger hurled at itself.  The world needs respect and love and compassion.

It is up to each one of us what we do and how we do this that makes all the difference.  If you connect into anger every day, that's what you are going to get back out.

While anger is spilling into everything these days, it is up to us to not be a part of that and show something different by our lives.  We alone can do that or we alone can add to the problem.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Disrespect On Social Media

More and more I'm seeing behavior that falls short of people online being human.  Yes, it is social media.  Yes, I know that kind of behavior has always been there.  However,  the amount that is showing up seems to be setting records, and I find that very sad.  Surely, we can be more than this as humans.


A recent tweet referenced a blog post about how studies show we influence the world through our thoughts.  The blog post referenced was "Influencing The World Through Our Thoughts"

Here's the tweet

Studies show we influence the world through our thoughts https://t.co/BPA94UBzCs #Thoughts #Mind #Brain #BodyMind pic.twitter.com/yhbgxjBhCj

— Don Shetterly (@mindbodythought) June 23, 2017

Of course, one follower thought they had to come back and reply with "You don't wanna study my thoughts about this b.s. right now."  No, I'm not going to reference their name because I would not want to give them any publicity.

At first, I was taken aback by what they said, and thought "how rude."  In fact, I asked them to be at least respectful and if they could not, to just run along.  It isn't that I don't allow someone to disagree.  It is how someone does it.  If you can't be respectful and at least open to what I post, then we have major issues.

In this case, I don't think the follower even read the blog post.  Hey, why be bothered reading what is behind the tweet when you can just declare how stupid you think the other person is?  I mean, that's the way it comes across.  Sorry if that sounds rude or harsh, but it is the way I perceive it.

Of course, with his reply of "You don't wanna study my thoughts about this b.s. right now," he really proved the point of the article.  Because our thoughts and behavior do impact the world and yet we walk around with our heads buried somewhere as if they don't.  So in many ways, maybe I should be thanking this person for proving my blog post.

What I really find disturbing, though, is how we treat others.  This is a perfect example of it.  If I look at the guy's Twitter feed, I can see that he has little respect for anyone and therefore has little respect for himself.  That is his issue.  If he wanted to change it, he would, but it is obvious he does not.

My life goes on regardless of people such as this one, but I think we all need to take a step back and learn once again what respect for others in life actually is.  You can't have that much hate in your heart without it spewing over to everything in your life.

We are humans and we were put on this planet to work together, not stand at odds with one another.  We weren't put here to trample over one another.  I'm so reminded of the story in the movie "I Am" by Tom Shadyac.

We each play a role in humanity every day.  Either we are part of making the world a better place through our words, actions, and thoughts, or we are part of the problem.  We like to think it is everyone else that is the problem, but we often state those words with blinders on.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Worry More About What You Do!

Worry more about what YOU do to make a
difference in the world than what others do.

So often these days, we spend more time preaching at one another and telling each other what they should do and how they should think.  Far too many times, it appears that we think if we do this, we will get everyone to think like us and the world will be a better place.  Unfortunately, if we took more concern about what we did to make a difference in the world rather than what others do, we would have a much gentler and respectful world.

The world will survive without us telling it what it should do. 

Unsolicited Advice Gimmicks

So I was logging on to my Twitter account and I read a tweet someone sent me that made my eyes bulge out of my head.  I'm not going to name the individual because I do not want to give them any publicity for the way they tweet others.

The tweet said, "Shed Up To 16 pounds in 14 Days".  That's all it said, and it was tweeted to me directly.  Really?   Hmm!

Yes, I know - these automated direct messages and tweets that many think are how you market make my eyes roll 50 times around my head.  And yes I know...  they are so annoying and ridiculous, but...  that's not my point of this blog post.

I would hate to lose 16 pounds.  Maybe a few could be okay, but 16 would be a lot for me and ridiculous.  So, for someone to automatically think I need to lose weight without even knowing me personally, I really question their motives.

Yes, I know, people do all kinds of tricks and gimmicks on Twitter.  Giving unsolicited health advice like this is just plain wrong.  It is foolish to do things like this and could be harmful for people.  Of course, they most likely don't care because they are just trying to get you to buy something.  They are looking for a sale.  Who cares about the health of a person!

Weight is secondary to the mind body...

I don't focus on weight gain or loss.  It is secondary to what is going on within the body and our emotional health.  It is like putting a Band-Aid on someone who was in a car accident, and thinking you're doing something good.

I don't use my Twitter feed to promote gimmicks, and this person was obviously doing that in the initial tweet and in their responses.  More power to them if they think this is acceptable behavior, but I find it reprehensible.

You can't just go around throwing unsolicited advice to everyone thinking that this is okay.  There are other factors to consider, and these quick weight loss things are a joke!  Sorry if that offends anyone, but there are far too many weight loss gimmicks out there.  If they worked, they would never be needed again.

I do realize that many on social media don't care about facts and truth.  They just want to make money.  Making money at the expense of other people's health is less than human.  Find a way to have some respect about yourself or just don't do it.

Regardless of what others may choose to do, I refuse to partake in gimmicks like this.  If you think my Twitter feed and blog are about gimmicks such as this, you have completely misjudged the content I create. 

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

I Love You But

All my life I heard this familiar statement: " I love you but", followed by some reason or statement.  It was almost as if their proof and reason why the word "but" was included held validity over you and anything you would say or think.

These days, I see "I love you but" statements and I cringe.  Most of the time no one realizes they are using them.  Many are so numb and disconnected that it becomes normal every day talk from one person to another.

In many ways, the "I love you but" statement comes when you don't agree with someone else.  In a way, I see it as passive aggressive.  It is like saying either get in line with my way of thinking, or just know that there is something wrong with you.  Sure, we don't come out and say that, but this statement strongly implies it.

Often I've heard the statement "I love you but" being used to bring a child in line and get them to act a certain way.  This is one of the main ways I heard this used growing up.  It doesn't matter if the behavior is wrong, it is there when someone feels it is their responsibility to control another.

In churches, it is common to say, "we love the sinner but hate the sin" and to me, this is just another iteration of the "I love you but" statement.  You can't hate what makes up a person and still fully love them at the same time.  You can disagree but you either love the person unconditionally or you don't.

People need others that love them without conditions because when they know they are accepted, it is then they can flourish.  When they are being controlled and manipulated and trampled upon, it is then that they wilt and die.

Too often we think we know what is best for others, yet we have not walked in their shoes.  We think that they have to subscribe to our thoughts or we cannot love them completely.  Love does not place limits on anything.  Love is freely available and given in its purest form.

There is just far too much judgment in this world, and to only dole out love when it is convenient for you is not only disrespectful to the other person, but to yourself.  If you only love people when they meet certain conditions, I can almost bet that they will show you what they want you to see, not who they really are.

Let's try having unconditional love for one another.  Let's not just make grandiose gestures that we do.  Let's not just go out and scream it to the world that we love one another.  Instead, may our words and actions align together and may those around us, innately know that they are loved.  May they know that it is more than mere words stated that are cloaked in judgment.

And if we can't even bring ourselves to unconditional love for another, let's at least try to show some respect.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Do You Listen Or Do You Hear?

Today, I saw a tweet on my twitter feed that I thought was very good.  It is about a subject that I think is at the heart of many of our problems in this world.  If you've read this blog for very long, you will have seen me discuss this topic. 

Yet, it seems like what I write barely moves the needle.  Maybe I expect to much with my words.

All too often we act as if we are listening to others, but are we truly doing this?  Do we actually listen like we think we do, or are we just going through the motions.  Do we listen or do we actually hear those around us?

If you're staring at your smart phone while someone is talking and nodding your head, you're probably just going through the motions and not truly listening.  If you're thinking about how you need to respond back to the person you are listening to, then you are truly not hearing.

If you think that everything they are saying is wrong or inaccurate or misguided, you may be listening, but you're not hearing them.  If you're calling them all kinds of nicknames and labels, then you're barely listening and definitely not hearing them.

If you're waiting to get off the phone as quickly as you can, you're not hearing them.  Sure, you may be listening to what they say, but your mind is elsewhere.  If you're thinking about a million things other than what they are saying, more than likely you're not hearing them.

The most successful people understand the difference between listening and actually hearing. pic.twitter.com/ghcOAmyhs5

— Steve Keating (@LeadToday) March 29, 2017

So often we are busy in our own minds.  We're focused on the 50 million tasks that we think are extremely important to our day, crowding our mind out from truly being connected to the moment.  We are so focused on the latest political story or social media post and how we need to respond, but we've forced our minds to be too busy to comprehend what the mind body connection is.

There is so much noise in our day and if we don't stop and take a step back, we get wrapped up in it to the point where our minds are just too busy to hear other people.  When we get so wrapped up into all the things that we think we must do, we become too busy in our minds to hear others.

If you really take a hard look at yourself, what are you really saying to others.  Are your mind, body, and actions really saying that you are not only listening but hearing the other person?  Is that really true about your life and your presence in this world, both in person and online?

Or - are you so busy in your mind that your presence only takes up physical space, but you're absent in the mind body connection and so you're not there hearing other people?

There definitely is and we don't do enough hearing. Too many are too busy in their own minds to actually hear https://t.co/7GoR0hoEy6

— Don Shetterly (@mindbodythought) March 29, 2017

Hearing others involves an active participation with not only some body behavior, but with your mind and your heart.  Hearing involves true listening where you fully engage and don't become distracted by things that really dish the person you are with at that moment.  Hearing involves being there in that moment with that person as if they are the only thing that is present.

Hearing means that you're listening with your heart and trying to understand.  You're trying to connect with them and show them the respect that they deserve.  Hearing means that you're functioning on a more conscious level, rather than just going through the motions.

Test this out today and see what you're doing.  Are you truly listening or not? 

Become present with your behavior, not just a puppet to it.

People need others to really listen to them.  Kids need adults to listen to them.  Be someone positive in the world by doing more than listening.  Be the one that hears others by staying consciously connected in your mind body.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---