These intolerant people who did what they did to me will remain nameless for now, unless it happens again or they give me some reason to no longer be silent. The pain this caused me was so deep and severe, I wasn't sure if I could make it through it. It lasted for what seemed like forever, all the time eating away at me like cancer.
The intolerance was pathetic and hopeless and despicable. I realize it is their issue and they aren't enlightened enough to understand just how much their words hurt me. However, I was hurt so deeply. I can even sense the anger and pain in these words as I have tried to let go. It isn't easy for me to tolerate their intolerance.
We all say things at times that we think no one hears and you might be surprised as to what actually gets relayed or shared to another person. Even if no one physically hears the words, the energy that it puts into the universe hurts just the same. In fact, it hurts the entire world. Our words can do great damage.
When we say things with no understanding or respect or concern for one another, we increase the damage that is done. We multiply the effects many times over and it becomes lasting inflictions of pain upon other people. Even if we don't mean to harm someone else, we must check our words and thoughts before they leave our mouths.
In the case that I endured, it isn't the first time I've been through similar things, but in this case, it was much more direct and pronounced. I have to deal with these people on a regular basis and so these moments of communication leave me feeling that the "unspoken thing" is hanging in the air.
This even triggered me to a time gone past of how my father would corner me behind the barn or when I was with him in a truck driving across the country. His conversations would always lead to one thing and that was sexual in nature. It was the way he got himself excited or something. I've never understood it.
However, this moment of trigger came for me because I was enduring much of the same thing and captive in the vehicle with another individual. I couldn't escape and yet the anger and rage in me increased so much, I could barely hold the contents of my stomach down. I finally just numbed out and stared into the wild blue yonder like a deer caught in the headlights and blinded by the light.
It took me some time to finally tell someone about it on the condition of confidentiality. The humiliation I feel at this moment is still strong and for now I choose to not say any more.
But as I was in for a bodywork session, the healer suggested that one day I most likely will be able to look back and say "thank you" to these individuals for allowing me to discover more about myself. I can see the logic in this, but it is still hard for me to comprehend this because I still feel the anger and rage within me.
Intolerance should not have a place in this world, but unfortunately it does. In our world, anyone who is different is often shunned, ridiculed, tortured, imprisoned and sometimes killed because of it. Somehow the intolerant people feel justified in their actions of love and righteousness, but the end result is that it is a cancerous poison inflicted upon all of humanity.
I never thought in a million years I would be dealing with what I have experienced and I'm still not feeling great about it. I'm just getting to the point where I can deal with the effects of it in my own life. I crawled back into my cave and sought safety for many days after this experience. Now I'm slowly emerging out of the cave to test the waters.
Writing of course, is one of the ways I process and understand these difficult moments I face. By reading this, you are on this part of the journey with me. Watch as it unfolds.
May those that practice intolerance begin to learn where their source of hatred comes from and how they can best change that part within themselves. For if we change ourselves in how we treat others, the rest of the world will be our friends, rather than our enemies.
Blog Post And Images (c) 8/1/14 by Don Shetterly
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