When I was very young and in fact for most of my life, I was in a family that had very little. Just having food on the table was something to be thankful for and having enough to satisfy my hunger was an even bigger blessing. Having a warm house was something I only dreamed of in my life. Feeling loved and wanted was something that was often foreign to me.
Shortly after I was born (details are still unclear to this day), I was in the hospital and my dad had a illness or disease that was contagious. From the way the story was told to me, my mom had to choose to be with me and visit me or my father. She chose my father and so I was left to bond with the nurses and complete strangers. I don't remember much of it consciously, but I can feel the affects of that decision to this day.
Yes we had a roof over our heads and most of the time I was never alone in the big country houses for very long at a time during the day. I did have parents that took care of me and were there in many ways, but the poverty and lack that I experienced was also just as prevalent.
What I did not realize for many years was just how much this impacted my daily life. Growing up and struggling to sleep at night because I was hungry or shivering in the house because there was inadequate heat taught me that there was never enough.
Learning that my mom chose my dad over me left me feeling like I wasn't really wanted. Experiencing the horrific abuse and witnessing some of the events I did, left me feeling disconnected from all that a child should be able to experience. I often remember having moments where I would go running into my room crying and exclaiming to the family that no one loved me.
All of these things were moments of lack in my life. They taught me from a visceral manner that there was not enough. Entering the world in this manner taught me from day one that this is how the world was. Abundance was not even something that I knew existed.
Now as I fast forward through life and I experience struggles, I realize that my mind often looks at the world around me as having not enough, rather than something that will meet my needs. I feel inadequate to function at times and sometimes view with jealousy, those that seem to have it all.
This is a block to abundance that I am still working on letting go. If I stated that I had it all figured out, I would be lying. It permeates every aspect and decision of my life, if I'm honest enough to notice it. It holds back the reigns of all that life can be and all my creativity, if I am honest.
Abundance is not about attracting anything to you from what I can learn and understand. Instead, abundance is about letting go of those things that hold you back from the fears and insecurities to all that you've been taught. Abundance is about letting go of the blocks to abundance.
The more you let go, the more you clean out the closets of your life which allows for much more to enter. It is all up to each one of us where we allow ourselves to go in our life, but it is only each person that can continue to hold ourselves back. It doesn't matter where we came from any longer, but what we do with our remaining days that dictates our path ahead.
Blog Post And Images (c) 8/3/14 by Don Shetterly
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