I Did It My Way

I remember a song about the subject line of this post.  I Did It My Way!  Yep, that's so true.  Healing didn't come in a nice neatly packaged box.  It didn't have an instruction manual.  It didn't tell me to do it, or when to proceed or how to proceed.

I just had to figure out that I had to do it my way.  No one can tell you how to heal from trauma and child abuse.  Yes, there are things that may help and people that help guide you, but be wary of anyone that says, "this is how it is done."

What works for some, may not work for everyone.  Of course, we all probably nod our head with that, but then we go in and tell others that this is the way it is.  If you don't like it - leave!  I've seen that happen far too many times.

There are elements of healing that work across many life forms.  There are often elements that we turn a blind eye to, all the while demanding that we get better.  We sometimes are our own worst enemies, even if we can't acknowledge that.

When I was paralyzed from Conversion Disorder, the doctors were experimenting to find out what would work for me.  They used "elements" of what the current thinking was at the time, and even though it helped, it only took me so far.  It didn't take me deep into healing what was at the core.

Without healing the core and the root of what was happening, there was just so much progress that I could make.  It took me many years of searching and self discovery to find this part, but it was the part that gave me the most bang for my buck.

If I would have followed the advice of every well-meaning person out there, I would have never healed.  I would have missed the important parts while listening to all the so-called experts.  I went beyond what people told me to do and did it my way.

No matter what, I never gave up.  Yes, many times I felt like it and many times I worked hard to give up, but somehow I kept going.  Somehow I said, "I'm going to find my way through this."  Believe me, I could have just laid down and died, and most would have understood after what I had been through.  I chose to keep going and not give up.

I had one constant throughout my life in that I never accepted the physical condition that the doctors and experts said I would be in for the rest of my life.  The minute they told me this was the way things were and put a label on it, that was the minute I scoffed in their face.  I was like, there's nothing that is going to hold me back and hold me down.

I kept going.  I didn't give up.  I kept searching, I didn't stop my quest for the next step or what would help.  Don't tell me the label is who I am!  I'll prove you wrong a hundred times over.  Don't tell me that I won't be able to function fully in life and work and play and talk and walk.  I'll prove you wrong!

There are far many more questions out there in the healing world, and not everyone that thinks they have the answers has the complete truth.  Most likely that's where they are in their own journey.  While it can be helpful, just don't let it guide you as the sole lighthouse beacon of the entire planet.  Do it your way - and never give up doing it your way!

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Unsolicited Advice Gimmicks

So I was logging on to my Twitter account and I read a tweet someone sent me that made my eyes bulge out of my head.  I'm not going to name the individual because I do not want to give them any publicity for the way they tweet others.

The tweet said, "Shed Up To 16 pounds in 14 Days".  That's all it said, and it was tweeted to me directly.  Really?   Hmm!

Yes, I know - these automated direct messages and tweets that many think are how you market make my eyes roll 50 times around my head.  And yes I know...  they are so annoying and ridiculous, but...  that's not my point of this blog post.

I would hate to lose 16 pounds.  Maybe a few could be okay, but 16 would be a lot for me and ridiculous.  So, for someone to automatically think I need to lose weight without even knowing me personally, I really question their motives.

Yes, I know, people do all kinds of tricks and gimmicks on Twitter.  Giving unsolicited health advice like this is just plain wrong.  It is foolish to do things like this and could be harmful for people.  Of course, they most likely don't care because they are just trying to get you to buy something.  They are looking for a sale.  Who cares about the health of a person!

Weight is secondary to the mind body...

I don't focus on weight gain or loss.  It is secondary to what is going on within the body and our emotional health.  It is like putting a Band-Aid on someone who was in a car accident, and thinking you're doing something good.

I don't use my Twitter feed to promote gimmicks, and this person was obviously doing that in the initial tweet and in their responses.  More power to them if they think this is acceptable behavior, but I find it reprehensible.

You can't just go around throwing unsolicited advice to everyone thinking that this is okay.  There are other factors to consider, and these quick weight loss things are a joke!  Sorry if that offends anyone, but there are far too many weight loss gimmicks out there.  If they worked, they would never be needed again.

I do realize that many on social media don't care about facts and truth.  They just want to make money.  Making money at the expense of other people's health is less than human.  Find a way to have some respect about yourself or just don't do it.

Regardless of what others may choose to do, I refuse to partake in gimmicks like this.  If you think my Twitter feed and blog are about gimmicks such as this, you have completely misjudged the content I create. 

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Jumping To Conclusions On Diagnosing Others

Whoa there now!  I mean, let's tread carefully here.  It seems there have been reports by many people that people on these new fangled online social media accounts are jumpin too conclusions a little too quickly. 

I know, I know, you've got to get home and beat that laundry on the rock down by the river, but it will wait a second or two.  There's a little extra moonlight tonight so you can see to get back to the old homestead.

I don't know much about this thing in these parts that they call Twitter and Facebook.  Honestly,  I'm not sure why anyone would try and make their face into a book. 

Whatever a twitter is, I'm guessing it has something to do with me after I've drank too much cold morning leftover coffee from the trail.  Back in my day, we just yacked at night around the campfire.  We didn't need these new light box things that you hold between your thumbs.

Well, back to the point before the fire goes down and its time to bed down for the night.

You all might be smart, but diagnosing someone based upon a picture you see on these social media accounts is pretty foolish.  Worse yet, if you read a few characters (words as we call them) and you know what the person needs to do, well, I just don't know.  I mean, you need to sit around the campfire for a bit and chat with each other before drawing conclusions. 

I mean, come on.  There's all kinds of folks on the trail that you meet, but I've never seen someone shout from one end of the wagon train to the other with advice about something they can't see.  Imagine if we steered the wagon train by what the person in the back shouts up to the front.  They can't see the view in front like the one in the first wagon.  People are like that too.  No one can see what the individual is going through in their life.

Now, ya'll can just go on and jump to conclusions, but sooner or later, it will leave you looking like you fell off the cliff buck naked in a briar patch.  All I can think to say at this point is "whoa, horses"... let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Well, that's all folks.  See you on down the trail and hope the weather holds out until you get to your final destination.

#TellingOthersWhatToDo

How Did I Heal?

Sometimes we have no clue what to do to get out of the situation we are in, but sometimes that is where we need to be.  I know, I know, this may not sound like normal advice, but it has been true for me so many times in my past.  The more I fought the situation, the more I struggled to get out of it.

I didn't get anywhere in my healing by staying where I was and while it is easy to write these words now, it was anything but easy in that moment.  When I faced that moment of never walking again or functioning again from the paralysis brought on by a Conversion Disorder, I thought all was lost.

When I started dealing with the sexual abuse and nightmares, I thought all was lost.  In the early days of my own healing, there wasn't an internet full of support groups.  There were no readily available groups to be a part of or shows to watch.  I was pretty much on my own.

None of my healing was easy to come through.  No step was clear before I took it.  There was no way I understood my path forward or even that a path forward existed.  It felt like a fog of despair full of loneliness, depression and anxiety.  Actually in those days, I didn't even realize how depressed I was or how much anxiety I had.

The only thing that truly got me from point "A" to point "B" was that I kept trying to take a step.  I didn't know where to put my foot in taking the step, but I just lifted it up and set it down.  Often I could not even see where it would land, but as I set it down on the ground, everything became a little more clear.

Parts showed promise and parts wasted my time...

I worked at learning all I could and trying to identify everything around me that I could.  I saw something that looked like it might help and so I checked it out to see what it could do for me.  Some things worked and some didn't.  Parts of some of those things showed promise while others just wasted my time.

Most of the time I could not even see what was working and what was not.  I just went with how I felt and if there was even a momentary benefit to it.  If there was, I would see if I could repeat that and what it did for my mind and my body.   Sometimes I could isolate a part that was helping and then I would discard the parts that didn't help.

Sometimes we get hung up on needing to know the answers before we move forward that we ignore what is right before us.  It is too easy to shun that which is helpful because we are looking for that which fits into our view of what works or does not work.  As humans we tend to want to know everything before learning what we need to learn.  It is like a dog chasing his tail.

I always keep in my mind that if what I was doing up to the point of the paralysis of Conversion Disorder did not work, why should I continue to use that as a frame of reference for healing my life.  Often I needed to throw out all I knew so I could discover what it was that I didn't know.  Once I threw out what I thought I knew, it was then that I found the piece of my healing I so badly needed.

Healing isn't about repeating the steps of the past hoping for a different outcome.  It is more about throwing the past out with the weekly trash and stepping through with courage into the unknown.  It is in surrendering into the unknown that we will truly find the healing before us.  It is a process that we will most likely repeat and learn over and over again.

No, it isn't an easy process.  It takes a lot of work and often that work sucks big time!  There's no other way to state it.  To sit where you are and expect someone else to heal you will only keep you where you are.  There are many that can walk beside you and help steady you on your path, but it is up to you to step out with courage and surrender into the unknown of healing.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Stunned At Conversion Disorder Treatment Advice

Today I was reading an email alert that I get about a condition I know all too well.  I am stunned at what I read.  The advice given by the medical site on this situation should have a warning label attached to it "harmful if followed".

On an Allnurses Yahoo Group, a question is asked and the answers are unbelievable.  The question is if an elderly patient believes she needs a wheelchair, do you allow her to have it?  My thought is, why not?  What would bring anyone to even ask this?  I'm sure that not all on this yahoo group think this way, so please don't think I'm painting the entire group in the same manner.

One response said they didn't know in this case, but with the kids they were caring for, a doctor told them to make the kids walk no matter what.  Please pause for a moment while I pick myself up off the floor because of disbelief.  How idiotic of medical advice can you get?  How harmful can medical caregivers such as these on this site be?

Advice From Hurricane Survivors

With the storm that hit the Northeast part of the country, I noticed an article on CNN.com that appeared to be very helpful.  In this article, Hurricane Katrina and Joplin Tornado survivors shared some of the experiences they went through and advice they had for others in the aftermath of storm destruction. 

There is no easy way through these ordeals, but with the help of everyone in our nation, we will recover.  I have never personally had to deal with the destruction of a storm, but I have lived through many hurricanes and saw first hand the destruction and how lives were impacted.

In this article, Katrina, Joplin survivors offer advice to Sandy victims, there is some real word advice and help.  I know that when you are experiencing moments that seem like your whole world has fallen apart, it can help to know you are not alone.  It sometimes helps to learn from those that have already walked through the fires that you are currently walking through.

Seeing The Bigger Picture

Topanga Seeing The
Big Picture

I am often amazed at how many inhabitants of this world fail to see the bigger picture of life.  Whether it is through a news article in the media, a post I write, someone shopping in a store, or in a job, the big picture seems to be forgotten.  It seems that we as humans get so fixated on our one moment of our day, that we can't see two minutes in front of us, let alone the big picture.

When I write in this blog, it is more about sharing my experiences in life in a raw format to help get others to think and open up in their own life.  My entire thought process is that by using my life as an example, I can help others open up more fully to their life.  Sometimes knowing that someone else has walked in those shoes is what gives us the courage to investigate our own paths.

Yet, I get emails from people thinking that because of some blog post I wrote, they need to help me fix some part of myself.  I'm not talking about someone being supportive, but some of these emails are people really trying to tell me what I should do differently in life.  It always amazes me because they are not seeing the big picture.