Healing Conversion Disorder Podcast

While this interview was done a couple of years ago, the information is still relevant to Conversion Disorder today.  With the news of assisted suicide in Canada, where a woman found no way out of conversion disorder, I thought the time is right to highlight this interview again.  There is hope.  Don't ever give up!

I know of others that have been through this and found their way out.  In fact, I was one of those that went through Conversion Disorder with paralysis and pseudo-seizures, among many other things.  At the time, I could not piece everything together as to what caused it, but in time the story began to emerge.

This video interview podcast is a discussion I had with Dr. Paul Canali of the Evolutionary Healing Institute in Miami, Florida.  He is a pioneer in the treatment of trauma and helping people recover their lives from the inside-out.  Dr. Canali has been instrumental in helping me fully recover and several others that have been through Conversion Disorder.

I have hosted the podcast and more information on a another website I run, so please check it out. There is some excellent information in here that you most likely have not heard presented in the way that it is.  The website is Somatosync.com .

Some of the topics covered include in the interview:

1. What is Conversion Disorder?
2.  Is Conversion Disorder all in your head?
3. What are some examples of Conversion Disorder?
4. Does there have to be major trauma for Conversion Disorder?
5. What are some of the first steps a person can take to recover?

Listen to the Podcast with Dr. Paul Canali

(click image to read)

Diagnosis Of Conversion Disorder

Here is another great interview I found on Conversion Disorder by Dr.  Rochelle Caplan.  She had a very good way of helping to understand what Conversion Disorder is and the struggle to diagnose it.

(click image to read)

Read My Personal Story

To learn more about my personal story and journey through Conversion Disorder, please check out my book, Hope And Possibility Through Trauma by Don Shetterly.

When I was in the early stages, there was so much I did not realize and know.  This is part of Conversion Disorder from my experience because if we knew these things, then most likely we could avoid this horrible ordeal.

If you're going through Conversion Disorder, please know that you are not alone and there is hope.  There is a way through it, but it requires courage and going outside the box of paradigms.  I had to let go of much of what I thought was true in life to find out what really was true.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Conversion Disorder by the Mayo Clinic on CNN Health

I saw this posted on CNN.com about conversion disorders with the source of the information being the Mayo Clinic. The link to the article is CNN-Conversion Disorders.

Since I know first hand what a conversion disorder is, I wanted to spread some information along. All too often, no one really understands what this is, let alone that it can be treated successfully. Complete loss of your physical body in a conversion disorder is a rare condition but I believe there are people out there that are living with this condition rather than truly healing from it. So many times the medical doctors do not understand this and so a patient is left to struggle through this situation which is itself a traumatic experience.

A conversion disorder is when psychological stress or trauma becomes manifested physically in the body. Movement or senses are often affected with sometimes paralysis, blindness or difficultly swallowing being the results. While symptoms of conversion disorders can be severe, people often recover within a few weeks.

Conversion disorders are usually caused by some underlying stress or traumatic incident. Trauma can exist within the body for years and when the right switch is flipped in the person's life (like another experience connecting back to the original trauma), then the body begins to shut down. The current experience may have absolutely no resemblance to what happened in the original trauma but just one part of it that connects the subconscious mind with the trauma can lead to a conversion disorder.

There is much more to a conversion disorder that you can read about on the CNN page link above.

For me, I went through a conversion disorder in 1991. It took several doctors, test and more tests and trips to the hospital, an MRI, more doctors, an ambulance ride and many unnerving moments of despair to figure out what was wrong with me. I was misdiagnosed at first with MS (Multiple Sclerosis) and while the xrays and initial testing showed that this was what I had, the doctors were too narrow in viewing their diagnosis. It was several weeks before I finally got referred to a neurologist.

When the neurologist first examined me, she had the curious look on her face wondering what was going on with me. She decided to admit me to the hospital and run further tests. Up until that point, each doctor was sending me home because there was nothing they could do for me. Yet, I could not take care of myself because I could not walk and I could barely move, eat or function. I never did understand why the doctors kept sending me home instead of admitting me to the hospital because if someone is not able to physically take care of themselves and function, is that not what a hospital is for?

After all the tests were completed and I had a near death experience (or however one would state this), the neurologist came into the room and asked me one simple question that forever changed my life. She asked me if I had anything bad happen to me and if I needed to talk about it. Of course, I don't exactly remember the words she used to ask the question but I replied in my slow and difficult speech, that yes, I needed to talk to someone.

She set me up with a psychiatrist and that first day I talked to him was the first day I was able to take a step. To me, it was no coincidence, that these two things happened together. As I began to talk a little more, I soon found myself able to walk to the bathroom, than out the door of my hospital room than down the hall several feet.

I did spend several weeks going through intense counseling in a psychiatric hospital which greatly helped me and gave me the time to rest and relax. While that was not easy to do, I had really not recalled all the trauma and abuse I had went through in my life. These things would come at a much later time where I would spend considerable time healing through these experiences in counseling.

However, I did not fully begin to heal my body from the trauma and even the experience of the conversion disorder until I met Dr. Paul Canali in 2003. When I first heard him talk about the impact trauma has on a body, I knew first hand he was talking a language my mind and my body understood. He was the first person that helped me understand what had happened to me in the conversion disorder. Up until that point, I had truly been in the dark about this condition. Since that first introduction, I have healed in ways I never thought were possible. I no longer fear a conversion disorder and I no longer live in daily fear of my body shutting down on me. However, to say that I never think about my body shutting down would be a lie because once your body has failed you in a conversion disorder, there is an altered sense of awareness and fear that you hold. The thing is, I don't live in daily fear of that because I know there is a way through it, if my body tries to shut down. Through the healing I've gone through, I don't experience the shut down symptoms like were once normal for me.

If you saw me today, you would not have any idea that I went through the conversion disorder and almost breathed my last breath. You would not realize that I had been paralyzed with almost no feeling in my body and that my memory had went away. There would be no way for you tell that my speech was almost non existent and that I suffered through convulsions, depression, anxiety and suicide. Life is completely different for me and each day I'm learning how to recover more and more of my body and my memory.

About The Picture:
The above picture was taking of me in the early stages of the paralysis. I could still sit up from time to time but I grew exhausted easily and spent considerable time sleeping. If I wasn't awake and sitting up, I was dealing with convulsions and trembling and shaking. In that picture, just holding up the balloon was a difficult thing for me.


Further Reading:
1) Conversion (Somatoform) Disorder (Blog Post 11/09/10)
2) When Life Fell Apart (Blog Post 7/31/09)
3) Hope And Possibility Through Trauma - Book By Don Shetterly
4) Recovery From A Conversion Disorder (Blog Post 7/11/11)



Blog Post & Images (c) 2/3/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

Anyone Understand Conversion Disorder?

Day after day, I see searches on a subject near and dear to my heart that proves too many talking voices on the internet is not a good thing.  So many write the same thing about what conversion disorder is that makes me wonder if these people are just trying to hear themselves speak.  I'm serious here that this is a disgrace to the human existence.  People either need to wake up and show that they understand this or sit down in the cheap seats and listen to those that do.

If you are offended by what I write, I do not apologize for this.  If you are offended by that, again I do not apologize for this.  There are so many people reaching out for help and wondering does anyone understand conversion disorder.  What do they get in return?  A bunch of repeated and regurgitated gobbledygook that says nothing, does nothing and shoves them deeper into a world of confusion and despair.  Shame on all those that propagate this on in the name of hearing themselves speak.  If you are one of them, shame on you!

Conversion disorder is a serious condition and when someone is in this, it is hard enough to get an accurate diagnosis, let alone be told that diagnosis.  When you suffer from this, your entire world falls apart and you learn that there is not one thing you can trust in the world.  You cannot trust others to stand by your side that have been with you all your life and you cannot trust your body that it will function from one moment to the next.  Your life becomes a living hell of helplessness and uncertainty.

Each day that you live in this fog of despair and you wonder if you will make it, no one understands you and the medical establishment often fails miserably because of their own inadequacies.  Each day you live in this horror and torment, you wonder if the next minute will hold something you will not be able to deal with in your day, or will it be something that you can not guess what it might be from minute to minute.  The symptoms change, and the exhaustion comes as a friend but yet, no one seems to have answers.

Trauma In Conversion Disorder

Here is a very good article about how we numb our life when faced with very traumatic situations.  In the case of Conversion Disorder (also known as Functional Neurological Disorder), people who suffer from this, readily and easily minimize trauma.

When I went through the paralysis in 1991 (read my book for more details), I could have convinced not only myself but the world that everything was fine.  I didn't want to even think about anything that I had been through and so I did not.  I fooled many people including myself, but yet deep down I knew I was holding on to secrets.

Our minds deal with trauma in the best way they know how.  It isn't so much that we want to fake others out or hide from the truth, but that the events are usually so overwhelming, that there is no other choice.  Our brains go to great lengths to protect us and in the face of trauma, numbing and minimizing is the first line of defense.

While I realize that most people who are faced with a diagnosis of conversion disorder or who may not even have arrived at that connection yet, do not want to think something is wrong with them psychologically.  They usually do not want to piece the trauma and the physical symptoms together.  Instead, they generally try to avoid that and demand or seek out any treatment which might give them temporary relief.

Mind Body Interface of Conversion Disorder

Somatosync.com/Radio
Healing Conversion Disorder
Dr. Paul Canali Interview

Recently, I wrapped up an interview with Dr. Paul Canali of Evolutionary Healing.  In the interview, we discussed how to heal Conversion Disorder in regards to the mind body interface.

If you are suffering from Conversion Disorder or know someone that does, this 33 minute interview is well worth your time to listen to it.  Even if you don't suffer from Conversion Disorder, the information applies to every human on the planet.

When I went through the major episode with Conversion Disorder in 1991, there were really no resources and no one to talk to.  The internet wasn't really in existence like it is today and so I was forced to find my own way through this ordeal.  None of it was easy and I know first hand just how difficult it is to come through this.  However, I knew there was some way out of the hell my body and life was shoved into and I never gave up in trying to find the help I needed.

It took me many years to finally move to a place and meet someone that could truly help me heal from Conversion Disorder.  When I went to him, the big physical symptoms had pretty much gone away like the paralysis, but I had plenty of other physical realities to deal with in my life.  On top of that, I had just lost my mom to a car accident which set off a cascade of events in my life.

Faith Based Interventions For Conversion Disorders

I just read a synopsis for a book you can purchase online.  It was about using faith based interventions for conversion disorder.  Now, while I fully respect that faith and the practice of religion can help a person in many situations, what these people are suggesting in this summary is anything but helpful.

If you are not helping people to heal, you are part of the problem.  Unfortunately, it doesn't stop people from preying on those that are down to their last ounce of strength, attempting to convince them that they just don't know how to handle stress as the means for their own survival.  Nothing like adding a little more guilt on someone because they don't buy into your faith based strategy for a mind numbing life.

Conversion disorder has nothing to do with a person praying or not praying, practicing a religious faith or not.   Conversion disorder is much more than that, but when I read what I did, it was very clear and evident that these individuals had no clue what they were saying.  Yes, they quoted some research study they did, but just because you claim to do research doesn't mean you do good quality research.

Conversion Disorder Myths

I remember years ago when I went through this condition in 1991.  I had no idea what was going on and in the early days, the doctors didn't understand either.  It wasn't until a brave neurologist suspected Conversion Disorder or that my life had experienced so much, that things began to look up.

It would be some time before I realized that "Conversion Disorder" was the condition I had.  In those days, there was no internet to look things up and so instead of focusing on what "Conversion Disorder" was by definition, my doctors started helping me integrate myself back into life and reclaim all my physical and mental abilities that I could.

Even in the early days, I had no clue what was behind what had happened to me.  In fact, the details that came into view later, did not fully form until a good year after I was paralyzed.  Yes, I knew I had experienced a lot of "stress" in life, but I did not realize that this stress was much more involved then I knew in the moment.

Minimizing what I had been through which I believe is a very strong trait of those who suffer with Conversion Disorder, kept me from seeing the whole picture.  I mean, if it would have come into plain view at that moment, I doubt I could have kept myself alive.  I'm not going into details here.  You can read more about that in my book.

There are many myths that people are told which are nothing more than myths in my view.  There are many in the healing world that believe these myths.  These myths hold people back when trying to heal from Conversion Disorder.

As a way to begin helping others find their way back, I've written about Conversion Disorder on another website called Somatosync.  There is one article I published recently, called "10 Myths Of Conversion Disorder" that you can check out.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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My Intro As A Conversion Disorder Survivor

On the spur of the moment and a whim, I decided to try my hand at doing some YouTube videos.  I see a lot of people doing vlogs on YouTube and have thought about doing something of my own for a long time.  I didn't want my video to be about my everyday mundane life.  I wanted it to have more purpose than that.

Then I started to think about one area of life that I really am becoming interested in and that is teaching.  I caught the bug doing training on a computer project and I just love helping people learn.  In a million years, I never thought I would enjoy teaching others as much as I have.  Doing a video on YouTube gives me an way to begin doing some teaching.

The YouTube videos I plan on doing helps offer me the chance of learning more about finding my voice.  It helps me to hone my message and offer some support, encouragement, and knowledge to the world-at-large.  It gives me an outlet for my creative message and in the process, I hope it helps changes someone's life.

This particular video is my introduction as a Conversion Disorder Survivor.  I plan on doing many of these in short segments to highlight some of the things that I went through as a Conversion Disorder survivor and what I did to heal myself.

Religious Fanatic Laughs At Conversion Disorder

Sometimes I read stuff that makes my blood boil.  Sometimes I wonder if people that write and spout rubbish actually have enough working brain cells to function in a day.  I'm sure you're probably wondering why I am so upset and angry.  If you read what I did moments ago, you would most likely feel the same way especially if you have suffered from conversion disorder.

This religious fanatic starts off talking about conversion disorder and what it is all about, especially when it comes to the Leroy, New York case.  Unfortunately, as much truth as he begins to write about, he then goes and jumps off the cliff with his ridiculous statements.  While I would love to put the link on here, I do not want to give him any traffic from this blog.  His ridiculous blog does not deserve much attention.  If someone wants the link, please contact me.

“Conversion order” – that is the term I know. It describes what happens when a person is converted by the grace of Jesus Christ and brings order to life."  - this quote is directly from his blog.  

Please now - you care nothing about science or trauma or treating conditions that are experienced in the brain?  Of course, he bases all his conclusions on a few stories in the news and throughout history.  His entire answer to this condition is the grace of Jesus Christ.

While I fully believe there is a higher spiritual force present in this world, you can't have things both ways.  Just to act like knowing God makes everything perfect and whole, is about as baseless as claiming water never freezes.  To denigrate a higher spiritual force to spread this dude's whacked out ideas is disgusting.

Diagnosis of Conversion Disorder

I recently saw a video online from the ADAA 2016 conference.  In this video, Dr Rochelle Caplan from UCLA was talking about the treatment and diagnosis of Conversion Disorder.  I see many things out there each day on this subject, but none as eloquently articulated as Dr. Caplan did.

Because I've been through Conversion Disorder, I am particularly interested in discussions like this.  When I went through my own experience, there was no internet to read up on this subject.  I was pretty much on my own to find my way through it.  With the help of doctors, it took me some time to piece my life together.

She talks about several things in the area of treatment and diagnosis of Conversion Disorder along with current research.  However, there are three things that stood out to me.

1. Maladaptive problem solving
2. The biggest problems to diagnosing the disorder
3. How we handle negative emotions.

I have not only seen this condition play out in myself, but in others who I had the opportunity to be a witness to their own healing and recovery.  I know without a doubt what Dr. Caplan means when she says there is a big barrier to diagnosing this because I have seen that come through in discussions with my own family and other families affected by conversion disorder.

Every day I read things online of people begging for people who understand.  In all honesty, when I see things like this video, I am happy that this disorder is finally making headway into reality.  There are many who are hurting.

At the same time, I know how people suffering from this hold themselves back from healing.  I do not say this to anger or upset anyone, but I know it was true in my own life and I have observed it in other people.  It is a difficult situation to navigate and no one size fits all.

However, I am glad that I did not accept where I was and I looked every day for the slightest way of healing myself.  This may sound too simplistic and in some ways it is, but I know firsthand that in order to heal, you've got to let go of that which has not worked for you up to this point in your life.  When you do that, so much will begin to be revealed beyond the walls you have built.

Please don't let it upset you what I have written if you are going through Conversion Disorder.  I do understand what it is like, but I also found a way through it and beyond.

Take a moment to check out the video by Dr. Rochelle Caplan because she has a lot of great information to share.  I can't say thank you enough to her for how well she articulated something so serious and complicated.

Video Link

How To Accurately Diagnose, Treat Conversion Disorder

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Conversion Disorder Doesn't Mean You're Crazy

So often, the medical establishment struggles to understand what this condition is about for their patients.  Even if they have an understanding of it, often they are at a loss of how to treat it.  In addition, the patient is often so scared and afraid that they are crazy or there is something wrong with them, that they fight against everything that will most likely help them heal.

Conversion disorder does not mean you are crazy!  It is a very real condition that exists and people who are suffering through it, are not faking the symptoms.  It is very frightening to experience and for many people, they struggle to find the way to heal from this.  It generally frightens the family to the point of wrongly thinking that something is unfixable in their child or family member.

If you have followed my blog for some time,  you know will know that I have been through a conversion disorder (also known as a functional neurological disorder).   Fortunately I found the courage and strength to heal from this, but many are still searching.  I happened to find the right people at the right time in my life to help me come through this and to really heal from this disorder.  If you see me now, you would have no clue that I have been through this.

Stunned At Conversion Disorder Treatment Advice

Today I was reading an email alert that I get about a condition I know all too well.  I am stunned at what I read.  The advice given by the medical site on this situation should have a warning label attached to it "harmful if followed".

On an Allnurses Yahoo Group, a question is asked and the answers are unbelievable.  The question is if an elderly patient believes she needs a wheelchair, do you allow her to have it?  My thought is, why not?  What would bring anyone to even ask this?  I'm sure that not all on this yahoo group think this way, so please don't think I'm painting the entire group in the same manner.

One response said they didn't know in this case, but with the kids they were caring for, a doctor told them to make the kids walk no matter what.  Please pause for a moment while I pick myself up off the floor because of disbelief.  How idiotic of medical advice can you get?  How harmful can medical caregivers such as these on this site be?

Conversion Disorder Is Real

Don Shetterly on Dr Drew
show 2/1/12 - Leroy, NY

Since I am now part of this story in Leroy, NY that Dr Drew is covering on HLN, I am saddened by some of the things that is happening.  Conversion Disorder is real and it does happen in people.  Just like Dr. Drew said the other night, it happens far more than we may realize.  Yes, I know there are syndromes where people fake symptoms.  I am well aware of that, but Conversion Disorder is real!

Some of the hurtful comments coming from people watching these news stories is downright awful, hurtful and unhelpful to those experiencing it.  I can only observe some of the people on TV, much like everyone else.  However, to make "faking" the focus of comments is some of the most hurtful things you could do to another human being.

Conversion Disorder shows up in different ways and intensities.  When I went through what I did, it was so intense and all at once that I could hardly function in life.  I still remember the seizures that would have my body flailing around until it reached exhaustion.  Once at that point, I would sleep for hours.  In one instance, they even rushed me by ambulance to the hospital emergency room, only for me to have gotten to the point of exhaustion by the time I arrived.  No one knew what to do with it or me because there were no symptoms that made sense.  The symptoms would come and go at various times through out the day.

Recovery From A Conversion Disorder, 3

This is part 3 of 3 parts on Recovery From A Conversion Disorder. In order to understand this blog post, please read part 1, posted on 7/11/11 and part 2, posted on 7/12/11

Fortunately, after a few weeks of not being able to take care of myself and traveling back and forth to doctors and tests, a neurologist put me in the hospital. Up until that point, the medical professionals just kept sending me home. More tests were run in the hospital but the neurologist finally began to ask me the hard questions about my past. It was at that point, where a psychologist was brought in and I began to take my first step again.

Many more days and weeks would pass by before life started to get back some resemblance of normal. I would suffer difficult moments both physically and in dealing with my traumatic past. There were times where the physical and mental anguish became too difficult and I attempted to end my life. Somehow through all of this and the support of some close friends, I made it out alive!

To those going through a Conversion Disorder or working with someone that is suffering through it, there is hope . I won’t promise it will be easy but I went from near death to fully functional in my current life. Yes there are still brief moments that I can see affects from this condition but they no longer pull me under.

Dealing with the trauma of the past and the fears associated with them as a result, my life has changed. I have found very few people in my life that truly understand how to treat someone with a Conversion Disorder or know enough about fear to help bring resolution. This isn’t something where you just change your mind and your thoughts. It requires much deeper healing and for one to go in and release those traumatic moments held within the tissues, muscles and cells of the body.

I know there is hope. I know there is possibility. Just don’t give up! Fight with all your might, strength and any ounce of strength you can find within your body.

Please see the links below for further reading and information.


Further Reading:
1) Part 2 - Recovery From A Conversion Disorder (7/12/11)
2) Part 3 - Recovery From A Conversion Disorder (7/13/11)
3) Book - Hope And Possibility Through Trauma by Don Shetterly
4) Conversion Disorder By The Mayo Clinic on CNN Health (2/10/11)



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Blog Post & Images (c) 7/10/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

If any part of this post is used or shared, a link back to this site is required.
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/
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Don't Get Hung Up On Trauma

Everyone seems to sometimes have tunnel vision when it comes to health.  It is like one little narrowly focused answer solves all the problems of the world.  Especially on trauma, people get so hung up on the word "trauma", that they can't allow themselves to even understand what constitutes trauma in the body.

The build up of daily stress can bring about the same effects that a traumatizing event would bring out in a person.  It does not always take some horrific act to mimic trauma.  Stress, which we as a society often fail to understand can be very little moments that build up day in and day out without any way to release them.

Before you think about stress as just going to a job and worrying about what you will do, or how you will pay bills or all the other things we consider as stress, open your awareness a little.  Stress comes in many ways and it connects in many ways.  For children, it is much different than adults.

I see people so concerned that conversion disorder is at the hands of some known trauma or not.  It is like this is the only thing that matters.  In other words, its like the person who fails to see the forest because of the one tree standing in front of them.

Conversion Disorder Healing, Part 1

Note:  This is part 1 of a 4 part series.

Shake, rattle and roll is good if you’re on a dance floor, but when it is everyday life, you might have a different perspective.  Several years ago, I went through a horrible experience called a conversion disorder.  A conversion disorder is when you convert stress and/or trauma in your life into your mind and body.  Conversion disorders generally affect your movement or senses and can cause paralysis.

In the early stages of my experience, the doctors did not know what to do with me.  One thought it was Multiple Sclerosis and another doctor put me on some steroidal medication that caused some horrific reactions.  Others were so confused that they would order test after test, only to send me home as there were no conclusive results.  It didn’t matter that I could not take care of my basic needs or get around my apartment and function in a normal manner.

I Stand In Amazement Of The Universe

Amazement Of The Universe

I stand in amazement of what the universe does and how it pulls various things together. I use the word "universe" because it is what fits for me. An event that surprised me, led to someone else learning there was hope. That event, was being on the Dr Drew show about conversion disorder in New York.

It is sort of funny that when the producer called, I had not been following the story in New York. I limit my intake of news and it was not a story I had heard about. While I know who Dr. Drew is, I was not a regular viewer of his show. And when they called, I was not expecting to be on national media that day. It came as a complete surprise and in fact, this is the first time I have ever done anything like this.

Recovery From A Conversion Disorder, 2

This is part 2 of 3 parts on Recovery From A Conversion Disorder. In order to understand this blog post, please read part 1, posted on 7/11/11.

Unless you have been through a Conversion Disorder, most people do not understand that to initiate movements in my body was almost hopeless. My brain could command my body to move and yet, it was like the muscles could not hear. It did not matter how hard I tried or how much I wanted to move, my body would just not initiate the movement.

Fortunately, I had some healing people that worked with me who would help initiate the movements. Once the movements were initiated, it was much easier for me to take over. The fear that I was experiencing and reliving as a result of a traumatic past was locking my muscles in place as if a split had been place upon them.

It was difficult for me to know what was going on and in 1991, very few medical professionals knew much about Conversion Disorders. I was passed from doctor to doctor, test to test and misdiagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS). Some type of steroid type drug was given to me which caused a very horrible reaction where I went into seizure like moments. I was rushed to the hospital at one point in an ambulance because I was unresponsive.

My early days of this ordeal were filled with a lack of energy to the point where I could barely keep myself awake for more than a couple of hours. Pain in my body would come and go, I had no desire to eat or do anything in my life. The fleeting moments of desire for anything vanished into thin air. Breathing was difficult and not something I really wanted.

For the continuation and conclusion of this series, come back on 7/13/11 for part 3. Please see the links below for further reading and information.


Further Reading:
1) Part 2 - Recovery From A Conversion Disorder (7/12/11)
2) Part 3 - Recovery From A Conversion Disorder (7/13/11)
3) Book - Hope And Possibility Through Trauma by Don Shetterly
4) Conversion Disorder By The Mayo Clinic on CNN Health (2/10/11)



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Blog Post & Images (c) 7/10/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

If any part of this post is used or shared, a link back to this site is required.
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/
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Minimizing Trauma In My Life

I was reading something recently by Surviving My Past.  It was about minimizing, especially when it comes to trauma and child sexual abuse.  We all do it and often times we are not aware we do it.

Reading what Matt posted on Surviving My Past.com, reminded me of my own healing history and journey.  For a long time I really minimized what I had been through.

Some of my own statements were:

• Everyone else has been abused, so it's just normal stuff.
• It really wasn't that bad.
• I'm making too big of a deal about it.
• Just move on and get over it already.
• It was a long time ago.
• I haven't thought about it in years and why should I start now?
• Everyone has stuff to deal with in their life.
• Every family has skeletons in their closets.
• I'm healed.  I'm over it!
• Just don't think about it.

I'm sure you've had your own statements and done your own minimizing.  After all, if you haven't, then you might want to check your pulse.  As humans, we all minimize.  It is part of how we deal with events and experiences that are so horrible in our lives.  If the brain isn't able to deal with it, we often minimize it as a way to avoid it and distance ourselves from it.

While minimizing can be helpful at the time the trauma or experience is taking place, it becomes a distraction to us later if we don't go in and heal our lives.  Sometimes, the minimizing gets us through, but in order to release that from our life, we have to stop minimizing.

My minimizing went a little further.  Of course, that's where Conversion Disorder for me comes in because it is like I could minimize with the best!  In many ways, I could have cut off my arm and the way Conversion Disorder lets you think is that I would have said, "ah, its just a scratch. Let me put a bandaid on it".

Learned how to minimize to survive...

This is one of the reasons why those of us who have been through Conversion Disorder have such a difficult time coming out of it and healing.  We learned early on how to minimize what was going on with time, it just gets easier to minimize to the point where you cannot even see what it is that is impacting you.  I know that some will greatly disagree with what I say, but I'm speaking from experience here.

I remember when Dr. Canali started using the term, "tortured" around me and I dismissed it for a long time.  Again, I was rationing in my mind, my abuse was just like everyone else.  It wasn't that bad!  As time went on and I dealt with some very  physical issues that most medical doctors would have been at a complete loss in treating, I learned that the story was more than I thought it was.

Amnesia in trauma...

We often have amnesia about trauma we have been through.  We do it by minimizing.

In fact, a more recent story that emerged along from the rash I just dealt with is nothing but pure torture on many levels.  I cannot bring myself to share it.  It was hard enough to let anyone read it.  I'll probably take it to my next session with Dr. Canali, but the shame with it and the humiliation and very real physical pain is just so intense.  Even writing these words is almost too much.  But, it was torture.

I know I still minimize things.  It is sometimes the only way a brain can continue functioning because otherwise, the memories are like taking a garden hose to a fuse box - something is not going to end well.    I remember not that long ago when I was confronted about my anger outbursts.  I had minimized the anger so much that I did not realize just how bad this was getting.  It took an "intervention" so to speak in order to get me to wake up and see it.

From my experience, every person that I have been around with Conversion Disorder minimizes what happened to them.  I know there are many that would claim this is not true, but in the early days of my Conversion Disorder experience, I would have been agreeing with them.  In fact, I acted like nothing happened, yet my body could not function and my mind was anything but in a normal state.  The trauma runs so deep.

Minimizing is part of every disorder and health condition, whether it is a physical situation or mental health.  When experiences are too great, its the only way we can escape in that moment, but we pay a price physically and mentally as a result.  It is in healing that we begin to come to terms with those moments and start to win back our life and find our own power we hold inside.

It has taken me years and many deep body healing sessions to understand just how much I minimized things in life.  I'm finding my way back from a deep inner core level and embracing the body part of healing, not only just the mind part.

Failing Memory After Conversion Disorder

While I've spent a lifetime trying to recover from all that was done to me, there are still things that just haunt me every day.  I've mostly recovered from all affects of Conversion Disorder. 

If you saw me today and didn't know my history, you would never know that I went through anything. Most people are shocked when they find out my story.

The one thing though I struggle with from Conversion Disorder is my memory.  Yes, I know plenty of people struggle with memory issues, but this is a little different.

When I went through Conversion Disorder, I basically lost my memory.  I had to bring all of that back and remember and recall all kinds of things that most people just take for granted.  In addition to that, I could not remember the slightest and smallest thing from one moment to the next.  Even in the worst moments of Conversion Disorder, it was difficult to remember my own name.

For example, if you would have told me that you were going to the store, not even one second later, I would not even remember that you told me that.  Anything you told me, may or may not have stayed in my memory long enough to register.  Even if I could remember for a second or a minute, there was no guarantee I would remember it the next minute or the next day.

It has been a struggle and I've had plenty of people look down their noses at me for not being able to remember the basics.  Yes, I try to keep notes and keep myself organized, but honestly - I sometimes forget there is a note.  You can only have so many notes stuck to your face and computer.

Especially working in the I.T. field with computers, you're almost expected to remember what happen on Joe's computer 10 weeks ago, what the fix was for the last 1000 issues and keep track of everything else that needs to be done and scheduled.  All of this is expected to be recalled at a moments notice.  It is one of the bad sides of working in I.T. especially with a memory that doesn't work well.

Sometimes I easily forget the street names around where I live or even the names of people I know well.  No, I don't think it is a serious condition that needs medical attention because I've struggled with this for years.  It really started when the Conversion Disorder happened.  In many ways, it has improved, but it still is an issue.

I've had people tell me that as I resolve the trauma, it will improve.  Unfortunately, the improvement has not been enough in my view and I easily get discouraged with it.  I've had people ask me if I could just accept it and while I want to, I know that this is very difficult to do in practice.

I wish I knew the way through this because I've tried many things and nothing seems to alleviate the situation all together.  I do get fearful of what will happen as I get older and the normal memory loss comes on.  Will I remember anything or anyone?  That is my fear.  No one seems to have any answers on it and again, I feel like I'm on a journey all by myself.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

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