Sometimes We Break Into Many Pieces

Written By Don Shetterly

It is a given in life I think that sometimes things don't go as planned.  Sometimes we break into many pieces.  When this happens, it is never fun, but sometimes it is necessary.

I can look back at my life and see just how many times I felt so broken inside.  The moments where I felt like I could not go on and I would not make it.  Experiences that felt like they were taking me under as I gulped for my last breath of air.

In these moments of life, I felt like I had broken into so many pieces that there would never be a way to put myself together.  I didn't believe at those times that I could go on and make it in life.  In fact, at one point I went through the paralysis of Conversion Disorder. It felt like walking again was a pipe dream.

Through all of those moments, I came to realize that I could make it.  I had more strength within myself than I realized existed at that second.  When I thought there was no more to get, somehow I reached further down and found more strength.

I also came to realize that sometimes when I felt so broken, that it was in those moments where I found my way forward.  It almost took the millions of pieces I had become before I could begin to piece life back together.

In fact, I think for the junk in life I no longer needed, the pieces had to break.  It was the only way out for the stuff that was no longer useful.  If I hadn't broken into many pieces, I would have held on to the things forever.  In the end, I would not have made it without going through this step.

While I know, it isn't easy when your life has been shattered.  I know it is difficult to see that this may result in something good.  I understand that.  However, I know in my own life, and I've got a feeling you do too, that you will make it through this.  I've got a feeling that you'll discover strength you didn't know what was present.

Even though sometimes we break into many pieces, just remember that we can always put ourselves together.  When we do this, we often find a much stronger way of piecing our life back, so we're more prepared to take on so much more in the future!

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Blog Post And Images (c) November 28, 2017, by Don Shetterly

• Permission required in writing before any part of this blog post from 11/28/17 is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Need A Good Webhost for Wordpress?

I know this is off topic!  Unfortunately, to keep the lights on, I have to do a little bit of this.  So, I only promote products that I love and use, and that help me.  This one happens to be a new web hosting company for my WordPress sites.

Lately, I've been having major issues with a webhost that I've been with for many years.  Most of the time, the webhost was good (LunarPages).  In the past six months to a year, they just weren't cutting it for me.  Their service was hit or miss and more miss than hit.  The performance of their servers was really dragging my sites down.

I tried to work with them.  I really did, but the support responses were so poor that I felt frustrated.  I signed up for their managed shared support and thought that this would help.  Instead, I had someone try to lecture me about something on which they were flat wrong.  Fortunately a supervisor stepped in and helped in that one situation.

Anyway, I got tired of continual problems, lack of support, and performance issues on my sites.  I started to look elsewhere, and fortunately, I found a place called SiteGround.com.

I was nervous to switch, but when LunarPages messed up my account so bad at one point that I could not access my site, it was the last straw.  I made the switch to SiteGround.com, and I have not regretted it.

LunarPages did contact me after I left negative feedback and reviews about them asking if they could do anything to keep me and some clients as a customer.  Unfortunately, I had tried to reach out to them many times, and they dismissed me, so in my mind it was too late.  Plus the server performance was so much better for me that there was no way I was going back.

What I Love About SiteGround.com

1. The speed of my website and the WordPress dashboard are outstanding.  When I go to my site, it loads quickly.  There is no going to get a cup of coffee and waiting till it loads scenario.
2. Customer support has been excellent.  No, let me rephrase that.  They have been outstanding.  Not only did they follow up making sure I had my new account set up correctly, but they also helped when I had one thing I was not sure how to do.  In seven minutes on live support chat, the customer rep had the issues solved and corrected.
3. When I run GTMetrix.com on my account and start to look at page speed and performance, instead of my site taking 10 seconds to load, it now loads in about 2 seconds.  It is the same site, just transferred from LunarPages to SiteGround.com. 

An Extra Bonus With SiteGround.com

If you want to, you can apply for an affiliate account, which I did.  In fact, if you click on the banners or links here, you'll be helping me out.

But that's not all!  Even if you do not want to be an affiliate, they have a referral code, and for every friend that signs up for hosting with SiteGround, you get three months free on your hosting plan.  A nice little extra if you ask me!

See For Yourself

Don't just take my word for it, check out SiteGround.com and see for yourself.  I've been extremely impressed with this place, and I'm in the process of migrating all my stuff over.

I did sign up for the Go Geek plan with them because I have big plans for upcoming website development.

Need Help With Wordpress?

If you need help with your own wordpress site, just email me.  I do build wordpress sites and I help people with SEO.  I can also assist you in migrating your site from a host over to SiteGround.com .

Buck Up or Man Up!

Written by Don Shetterly

This topic gets under my skin so quickly.  When I hear someone tell me or another person to "BUCK UP or MAN UP" I want to do some things that are not nice thoughts.  How anyone can be this inconsiderate and  not compassionate is beyond my wildest comprehension of humanity.

To say these things to anyone is very harmful and shows you know very little about what someone is going through.  It is degrading and toxic.  It is spitting in their face from what they are going through in their life.

Why people do this, I'll never understand!  It is far from human and just about as mean as one could get.  It is almost like someone is trying to push you over the cliff thinking they are doing something good for you.  With friends like this, who needs enemies!

We don't know how to respect one another...

Yes, I understand that in this day and age, we have no clue what it means to be human.  We don't know how to respect one another.  We don't know how to have compassion and love for one another.

All we seem to know how to do is spout off nonsense and tear each other apart.  We have no concept of what empathy means or compassion.  We just have to force our beliefs and opinions of what we think is helpful on to every person around us.  This is not being human.  It is far from that concept!

Often times we tell others what we should be telling ourselves.  Yet, we're so unconscious that we can't even see what we are doing. What comes out of our mouth is not meant to be toxic poison on another person.  It is meant for us to say to ourselves or reconcile to what is truly helpful.

Two Ears and ONE mouth...

We were given one mouth and two ears.  We should really use them in an appropriate amount but for some reason, we as humans in this world think that we have to talk twice as much as we listen.  This could not be further from the truth.

When someone is going through a difficult moment, it is not up to you to have the answers.  Sometimes just listening to them can be the biggest help.  By listening to them, I mean using your ears more than your mouth.  Sorry, if this sounds harsh, but it is time we had some wake-up calls in this world.

Heaping more stress on someone...

Saying BUCK UP or MAN UP does nothing for anyone.  You just end up heaping a little more stress on a person when you do this.  You should that you're not that compassionate and you really don't care about what they are going through.  You are more interested in telling them what YOU think they should do.

Telling someone to BUCK UP or MAN UP is like hitting them with a car, then backing up and driving over them again.   If you don't think it is as harmful as this, try going through a very difficult ordeal in your life and see what it feels like when someone does this to you.

We've got to learn how to be more compassionate with people.  We are past the point of no return and every day we share and retweet what we do, we're proving that beyond a shadow of a doubt.  Every time we tell others what we think as if it was the truth, we're degrading all of humanity into something that means nothing.

It isn't all the other people out there with the problem.  It is each one of us and how we react, what we share and say to people we know and the world that is the problem.  Let's talk from our heart with love, not scream words our ego dictates to us.  If we change how we communicate and how we see others, we will improve the world many times over.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Recovering From Storm Stress

(Written By Don Shetterly)

This has been a challenging past few weeks.  Seeing the devastation in Houston and the Caribbean islands was difficult.  Seeing the floods and earthquakes throughout various countries in the world makes my heart cry for people.

We just experienced Hurricane Irma, and while things could be much worse, the stress of the storm was more than enough.  In the week leading up to its landfall, the stress and anxiety were so thick in the air.  In every store you went to, and on every road, you could see it in full force.  Then the storm hit, and just sitting through the howling of the wind, the shaking of the house, and wondering what will things look like in the morning was more than enough.

We lost power for 5 days, which was not easy in the Florida heat and humidity.  Sleep was almost nonexistent and being choked by the fumes of generators running in the area, I struggled to keep my wits about me.  It was exhausting and tiring.  It felt almost like you were in a daze and delirious.

When we got power back on, it felt so good.  I've never been so happy to flip a light switch on and have a darkened room lit up.  It never felt so good to have working air conditioning.  I was ecstatic not to hear generators running loudly 24 hours a day, and being sickened by the exhaust fumes.  I was happy that the constant emergency alerts they were sending out for anything and everything finally stopped

Body was too tired and stressed...

The first night we got power back on, I thought we would finally get a good night's sleep.  Unfortunately, we did not.  It was almost as if our bodies were too tired and stressed to let go and surrender into sleep.

The next couple of days, we felt exhausted and struggled to focus.  Naps were frequent and not enough.  I had other friends that were experiencing the same things.  The stress of the storm was at maximum levels.  Recovering from the storm stress was not as easy as I thought it would be.

I cannot imagine what people in Houston or the Caribbean Islands or Puerto Rico and other places are facing.  We had our house intact, but their whole world was torn apart in a matter of hours.  While the cameras have faded away from the impact, they are struggling to figure out how to piece their lives back together.  I'm sure many in this state will be doing the same.

Suicide Increases After A Storm...

A friend of mine shared an article published in the New York Times on June 21, 2006, talking about depression and suicide after a storm (hurricane).  After major disasters like what we've seen on the TV, the struggle is so difficult for people fighting to recover.  We've got friends in Houston, and we can tell how much they are struggling.

If you are struggling, keep in mind that this too shall pass.  There is a way forward, and if you keep searching for it, you will find it.  No, I'm not going to tell you it is easy because it is not.  However, don't give up.  Don't get lost in today's moment, because there is hope for a tomorrow that improves little by little.

Don't try to go it alone...

If you are struggling with depression, anxiety, despair or thoughts of suicide, don't try to go it alone.  Yes, these things make you want to hide in a cave and build walls up to everyone around you who care.  While that may feel like the only thing you can do at this moment, don't give in to it.  Seek out help and support.  Seek out qualified therapy and counseling.  In this time of recovery from storm stress, allow yourself to lean on others until you get strength back in your legs.

Recovering from storm stress is not easy.  It is challenging but just know that you're not alone.  Others are experiencing some of the same issues as you, but they may not be saying it.  Sometimes we want to give the appearance to the world that we are strong when we are crumbling inside.  I made that mistake for many years, and it almost cost me my life through Conversion Disorder.

Reach out and ask for help.  You may not get it from everyone you reach out to, but don't let that stop you.  If someone is reaching out to you with a helping hand, grab hold of their hand and let them help you steady yourself as you walk the difficult road ahead.

If someone reaches out to you, realize you don't have to solve all their problems, but be there for them with an extra helping of love and support.  Help them find the resources they need and be conscious, not unconscious in your help and support.

Recovering from storm stress may not be easy, but if we all reach out to one another, it will help lift every one of us up.  It will strengthen us as a human race and make us stronger together.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Mind Body Thoughts and My Creativity

Written by Don Shetterly

If you've been around the blog long enough, you probably know that I'm an author and music artist.  If not, let me take a moment to just introduce myself and what I create.

I am a survivor of child sexual abuse.  At age 26, I suffered from Conversion Disorder and dealt with paralysis, suicide attempts, depression, and anxiety.  I was a workaholic and perfectionist.  I could not let anyone down, even if it meant total destruction of myself.  As much as I thought I knew how to deal with stress, I honestly had no clue!

For years I fooled myself until it caught up with me, and my world came crashing down.  The two books I have written are part of my healing journey through the torture and trauma I experienced.  I am currently finalizing a new book with an expected publishing date of early 2018.

If you found this page through a tweet I posted, it most likely corresponds to one of the books below that is idenitifed by the picture in the tweet.  

Hope And Possibility Through Trauma

Hope And Possibility Through Trauma is my full-length book helping those who have been through so much in life.  If you've experienced childhood sexual abuse or trauma or other horrific moments in your life, this book will speak to you and help give you hope and possibility that you too can heal.  Available on Amazon.

A Journey Through Words

A Journey Through Words is a full-color spiral bound book of poetry and other writings.  It is filled with many poems and thoughts, created as I was struggling to find my way through the difficult moments of healing.  It includes raw thoughts and emotions from where I was at in those moments.  Available on LuLu Press

Relaxing Piano Music

I create relaxing piano music that can be found on iTunes, Spotify, Amazon, CDBaby and many other digital download sites.  It is piano music without any lyrics, from my heart.  Connect with the feeling and emotions of what you hear in the songs I have created. www.DonShetterly.com

From My Heart With Love

These things I have created are part of the way I help support my life and my purpose of working to help others.  I know how difficult it is to deal with pain, and through my creativity, words, and music, I want to be there for others.  I want to help shine the light for them to find footing on their own path.

Many have asked me to allow donations, and if you want, you can always do that at https://www.paypal.me/DShetterly .  However, I would like to ask that you help support me through the creative works I have available.  Click the images and links above for ways you can do this.

I continue to do the things I do out of love in my heart, and I just put these options as a way for others to join this cause.  I know many are hurting and I work hard to be a voice of support and help through the painful moments of healing in life.

Stay tuned, because there is another exciting project coming very soon!

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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We Help Through Our Own Vulnerability

In my many years of healing, I have found that we often hold back far too much.  We are afraid what others might think or scared of how we will impact them.  We walk on eggshells around them.  We hold back.

Yet, it is through our own vulnerability that we meet others where they are and we help them.  By sharing our pains and struggles, they find that they are not alone.  Together we accomplish much more healing than if we would have hidden inside our own cave, keeping vulnerability out of sight.

I do realize that it isn't easy being vulnerable and sharing, but I know from firsthand experience that it is crucial to helping others.  No one wants a scientific emotionless person there to be a sounding board.

You want someone that has walked through the fire.  You want someone to grab your hand and say, I'm here for you and I'll walk through the fire with you.  Together, we will make it.

They say it not as mere words, but as someone that has been there and fought every inch of the way to find their footing and existence in life.  They say it as an extension of their heart that they give without judgment, in pure love and compassion to say - I'm here for you.

I had many that were there for me, some in deeper ways than others.  Since others have been there for me, I try to be there for people who are needing help, support, or just someone that understands.

In this day and age, we've got too many people hurling insults at one another, but not enough that will say "I understand your pain.  I understand your struggle.  I've been there." We need more people to be there for one another, not stand opposed as is seen on every street corner of this world.

I share my struggle in this blog.  I share my struggle with those who know me personally.  I am often criticized for not "moving beyond" or "not being positive".  Yet, I know that many have shared with me how something has touched their lives.  They were impacted positively because they knew that someone understood and cared.

Sharing my struggle is my truth.  Quoting other people is their truth.  Coming up with my own set of beliefs to explain every mystery is not necessarily a valuable thing.  It can help, but more often than not, the beliefs hinder and blind us.

I don't plan on changing how I do things because I know that we help others through our own vulnerability.  When others are able to connect with us in those deep ways, their lives are transformed.  Often times, my own life is transformed as well.

Let's not hold back being human.  Let's not numb and disconnect into a positive and happy thought only reality.  Let's be real and authentic and through our vulnerability, let's show that to those who need a helping hand, a moment of support and understanding, or an extra ounce of love to know that they matter.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Living With A Bully

I was recently reading some tweets by @Hope4Siblings on sibling abuse, and never stopped to give it a thought.  I'm guessing it is widespread or so it seems in my world.  Most of the things that I went through, I have often minimized as if they were just normal and I guess I've done the same here.

While I'm not one to embrace too many labels, I know I went through sibling abuse. My older brother made my life hell for me.  Every chance he got, he'd pound the crap out of me.  He loved to tackle me on the ground.  He was so overweight and he used that weight to hold my arms back and then jump up and down on my upper arms and shoulders with his knees.  It hurt like hell and to this day I struggle with deep pain sometimes in my shoulders.


   I was living with a bully...

Then in the second grade, there were these fourth graders in the Hampton, Iowa elementary school I went to that further made this difficult.  There were four (4) of them but I can't remember their faces or their names.  I'm not sure I knew their names.  They would each take one arm and leg and then start swinging me back and forth and let me go sailing in the air.  When I'd land on the ground, it hurt like all you can imagine it hurt.  No teachers, of course, would see it or listen to me when I told them what was going on.  I hated that school.  I hated the teachers.



   I was living with a bully... 

When we lived in one place as a kid, I was maybe in kindergarten or first grade.  We would ride the bus to school because we lived out in the country.  It is important to note that we were pretty poor and lived in a very cold rural house in Iowa.  Winter times meant being cold.  I barely had mittens or a hat to wear.  I was lucky if my boots had no holes in them.  The kids would try to grab and steal my mittens and hat every time I got on the bus.  They didn't care if I froze.  The bus driver would yell at me when I tried to get them back.  I hated the kids and the bus driver.



   I was living with a bully...


I grew up in a house where my father did unspeakable things to me.  You can learn more about that in my books, but it was not a pretty time.  I was more of a sensitive little boy.  I didn't enjoy hunting and killing things.  My little hands would get cold.  I wasn't as big of a "man" as I was supposed to be and that brought on a lot of hurt and pain for me.



   I was living with a bully... 

I worked in a job where a coworker was nothing but a bully.  He thought making fun of my sexuality and everything else about me was the norm.  People in authority in the company didn't seem to care.  They just turned a blind eye toward it.  In fact, I was told once that "I just needed to learn to work with others as adults."  It was as if what this person did was okay, but I was the one with a problem.  Emotionally, it took its toll on me and I finally quit.



   I was living with a bully...



Whether it is sibling abuse or being sexually abused by someone in your family, it is not easy and it is not fun.  When there are no people to turn to that can help, you feel all alone.  When the bully in the house threatens you and you know they are dead serious, you have no one to tell.

I see far too many bullies in this day and age and all of them trigger me.  I have no use for a bully.  If you can't respect others, then as some might say, "You are dead to me".  Sorry if that sounds harsh, but after a lifetime of bullies, I struggle to feel love toward them.  It is still part of my healing journey.

Living with a bully is difficult.  We need to get serious in this world about stopping the bully that exists in far too many places.  I still deal with the aftermath of what I experienced as I'm sure most people do as well.

If you're a bully - get help!  If you are being bullied - keep seeking help.  You should not have to endure this behavior.  The bully is the one with the problem, not you!   And if no one listens - scream a little louder until they do!  Find someone to help you.  You don't deserve to be bullied by anyone.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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I Was Featured In An Interview

The other day I had the opportunity to be interviewed for a site about my book.  I've actually written two books in the course of my life.

A Journey Through Words was more of a poetry book of some of the things that helped me through my own healing. 

Hope and Possibility Through Trauma was the second book.  It was born out of my blog writing.  It was one that I wanted to put together to help people have hope in their own healing.  I wanted others to know there was a possibility that they could heal.

So often in our life, it feels like we won't make it.  It feels like we are all alone.  It feels like no one understands the pain we have gone through.

In addition, it can often feel like there is no hope or possibility in healing the trauma in our lives.  We just feel like we're on a journey all by ourselves.  While this is not true, it is part of the healing journey and a difficult part.

I am working on a new book that will go into more detail about some of the things that were helpful in my own healing.  No, it isn't a recipe book of healing, but one where I'm sharing the struggles I went through and key points that I used to help myself.  Often though, I didn't know I was implementing these healing strategies until long after I did.

This interview that was done gives you further insight into my own life, and why I wrote the books that I have.  It is a good read, and hopefully you'll take a moment to check it out.  I think you'll like it.

For the Interview (click the image below)

Book - A Journey Through Words

Book - Hope And Possibility Through Trauma

Caring Is More Than Saying You Care

I see far too many times when people just don't even begin to go far enough.  They say they care, but their words just don't show they care.  I'm sorry to be the one to state this, but actions speak louder than words.

Caring is more than saying you care.  It really is.  If you can't listen and try to understand, your words are meaningless.  If you can't take the time to truly show you care, than your words just don't mean much.

All of what I'm saying is what most have probably heard before and it may sound harsh, but it really irritates me and disappoints me when I see people do this.  This is not behavior fitting to a human.  This is not what our civilization should be about.

There are many that are hurting.  There are many that just need a listening ear, a helping hand or someone that will say, "let me sit with you while you tell me what is weighing on your heart".  Instead we give the "I'm too busy" approach and tell someone, I'll call you later.

We give people the "don't bother me" approach because I need to watch my socks dry on the clothesline.  After all, don't they know that my TV programs and my latest social media rants are far more important.

We give the people, "subscribe to my way or hit the highway" approach because God only knows that we're right and everyone else is wrong.  They surely don't know what they want or what is good for them, but hey - that's ok, we know what is best.  What we have to say or how we think is far more important than anything someone else may need in that moment.

Caring is more than saying you care.  It is more than a social media like or share.  It is more than passing a happy thought and meme along.  It is truly showing another you care - in deep and personal ways that really make a difference.

Caring should not be the exception to our day like it is now.  Caring should be the norm.  Listening should be second nature, but instead we chatter along in our days, screaming and ranting online and to each other as if that is superior to listening.

If we can give caring to one another in this world, our human race is doomed.  We cannot sustain all that life requires without caring for one another.  The kingdoms of this planet will never prevail when caring is nothing more than an after thought.

So, what do you do each and every day in your own life to show people you care?  As you answer that, be brutally honest with yourself that you are showing caring in the way that you say you do.  When you do this, the entire world will benefit from your caring and there may still be hope for us all.

#Caring

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Growing Up Hungry

If you grow up with a stomach that is hungry, how will you ever come to understand that there is plenty.  For if the stomach does not have enough which is a basic component of human existence, then how can there be enough abundance in the world.

Hunger confuses the small mind and carries its power into adulthood.  Even when the adult has plenty to eat, the memory of the past says, "but it is not always certain there will be enough to eat."

We need to stop gorging ourselves and begin caring more about those that do not have enough to eat.  Not all of them are in another part of the world, but many are.  Some are in your own neighborhood, schools, and churches.  It doesn't take much to find them.

Thanksgiving is this month where instead of seeing how much we can stuff down our throats, why not try helping someone that maybe would enjoy just a regular and normal meal.

Children International is a place that I support.  Please check them out as I know they are legit and trustworthy.  If you have something in your local area, see what you can do to help them as well.  When we are down and out, sometimes a helping hand is what gives us hope!

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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What Gets You Through Difficult Moments

What do you use?  What gets you through your difficult moments?  Is it a higher power that you turn to or the support of your friends?  Maybe you stay focused during those moments and maybe you're like many who are anything but focused.

I know for me, I've learned different tools and tricks throughout the years.  I used to suffer from extreme anxiety that prevented me from being around people or going in stores.  I had to learn techniques that I could use to help myself so I could get past the extreme anxiety.  From time to time, I still struggle with anxiety but it isn't as bad.

I have had plenty of difficult moments in life and some have almost completely taken me under.  There are times when I've felt like I could barely crawl back up out of the whole I had dug for my life.  Yet, somehow I managed to keep going and get through difficult moments.

It will not last forever...

One of the things that I think is important is to realize that whatever you are going through, it will pass.  It will not last forever.  You will find a way through it.  Yes, I know it may not seem like that in the present moment, but it too shall pass.

Another thing is that sometimes you have to lean on those around you for support.  Sometimes they are the strength that you don't have in that moment.  There are just times when they help shine the flashlight on the difficult path you are walking down.

There are times in difficult moments when you have to be assertive and ask others for help.  Sometimes other people have no clue what you need and unless you ask for what you need, how will they know how to help you?  By you asking for what you need, you will be taking care of yourself and working to find a way through the difficult moment.

Regroup and Reassess...

Sometimes you have to regroup and reassess where you are, where you are going and what you need to do to get there.  This often involves a time of rest or slowed down activity.  Sometimes what once seemed vital and important to life is no longer at the level as your eyes get opened to new things during difficult moments.

Realizing that sometimes a difficult moment is one that you will look back on in future days and see just how it shifted you or how it brought you to some experience you needed to see.  Sometimes it is what propels us forward into what we need to do, rather than stay complacent in what we've done.  I know that isn't easy during difficult moments, but as I've looked back in my life, I continue to see just how true this is.

Allowing yourself to be in that difficult moment is something I've been learning how beneficial it is.  It helps me move through those moments easier and quicker, rather than getting stuck in them.  Yes, I know, if you would have told me years ago that this was true, I would have scoffed in your face.  I'm just learning more and more to surrender into the difficult moment and see what it is that I am to learn from it.  It truly does help, even if it is hard to do this.

Hope and Possibility Through Trauma...

I always try to keep in mind just how far I have come and what I have faced, endured, and triumphed over.  In 1991, I was paralyzed by a Conversion Disorder which I've written about in my book, Hope And Possibility Through Trauma. None of that was easy, but as I look back, I can see just how far I've come.  Each of us has those moments in life that we can look back towards and know that we too can make it through this.

Getting through difficult moments is unique to each person.  What works for one person, may not work for someone else.  So find out what gets you through difficult moments.  Make it a part of your life to see what is beyond where you're at while accepting that this difficult moment you are in is only temporary.  It too shall pass.

Sometimes a playlist of music can be of great help.  I've done that through many times where I can just hit play on the playlist.  It is one of the things I've used to help with anxiety, relaxation, and just taking me out of the moment I was in.  I've sang to some music when no one was home and cried to other songs.  We all have songs that move us in one way or another.

Whatever it is that you do to get yourself through difficult moments, tweak it and change it to meet the needs of that moment.  You may find that what you do to deal with difficult moments will change over time as you learn new things about yourself and become stronger through past moments.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Through Vulnerability We Help One Another

The light touch that connects with others.  The light-hearted way you smile at someone.  Your gentle words from your compassionate heart that help break down the pains others are facing.

These are the things that make life.  With our vulnerability we help one another through tough times as well as through the moments of further growth and achievement.

It doesn't have to be the most eloquent speech or the perfect painting.  It doesn't have to be the most perfect blog post.  It doesn't have to be a moment where you know what to do next.  All it needs to be is something you give of yourself even in your own vulnerable moments.

Courage to be vulnerable...

Yes, it may take courage to be vulnerable, but the heart of another knows and connects without words spoken.  It may take a step of faith as you offer a hand of light touch or a heart without judgment, but just know that by you taking the step, you may be changing someone's life.

A person without judgment is a very smart person.  We need more people who will open their lives up and listen to another without judgment.  Judgment is very disrespectful to another human being.  It is like stabbing another person through the heart.

Give in the slightest of ways...

Don't think you have nothing to give because when you give of yourself, in the slightest of ways, this is when you've given something so great the universe rejoices.  Don't think you're never enough because the person needing your help may see you as a giant.

Sometimes we don't always need a person to help pull us up out of the mud pit we are in.  Instead, sometimes they just need us to stay with them until they find the way out.

We are humans connected by vibration and energy and love.  We are humans that need one another to strive to greater heights.  It is in the way we allow ourselves to be vulnerable with one another that we find the meaning and purpose of life.  We discover through this just what makes life so full of joy and love and happiness.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Do You Live A Conscious Life?

It is easy to go through our day on autopilot.  The experiences we've endured along with the uncompleted tasks of our day can often keep us from living a conscious a life.

Do you truly live a conscious life or is it an illusion that you do?  It is easy to convince our self that we do and it is easy to attempt to convince others that we do, but do we truly live a conscious life?

Being conscious means that we feel and sense all that is around us.  Being conscious means that we are aware of what is going on and how we are impacting the world whether it is in a negative or positive way.  It means that we go through life knowing the much greater picture of who we are and why we are on this earth.

Being conscious means that we see each other through the eyes of love, not of judgment and jealousy.  Being conscious means that we know there is a higher good for all, even for those that sometimes challenge us in our day.

Feel the pains and the joys...

Being conscious means that we feel the pains in life, but we also know that by surrendering into the difficulties, we experience the joys.  We know that life is a balance, not just the happy and good, but the moments of sadness and pain.

In order to be conscious, we become aware of all that is around us, all that we know or do not know as of this point, and what the potential there is in life.  Our consciousness is not one with limits and boundaries, but with hope and possibility while understanding the limitations of being human.

Does not hold on to fears...

In order to be conscious, we have a higher vibration that does not hold on to all the fears found on this earth.  Whether it be the latest news and political report or the collective unconsciousness of the latest headline, the conscious vibration does not get taken under by these things.

Consciousness goes hand in hand with a balanced nervous system that has found elasticity to be its friend.  It knows that through all the heartache, there is a knowing of things much greater than the average person often sees.  It knows there is a place of peace and joy and no matter what hits us, it can be reminded that these things exist - that there is a way back to peace and joy.

Consciousness is not something you proclaim.  It is a life that strives for more and tries to understand more.  It is a life that wants to have a greater positive impact in the world, but realizes there is much pain and strife.  Consciousness is something that helps you rise above all that exists in this life, rather than becoming one with the masses.

Embraces all things...

Consciousness does not hold on to the followings and teachings of others, but it strives to prove to itself that which is truth in life.  For it knows that even what people believe to be true, is not necessarily truth.  It may be nothing more than a collective consciousness of group thought.  For consciousness, there is a willingness to allow one's self to go in and touch their own sorrow so that they may truly come to know in a physical way what is real and what is not.

Consciousness embraces all things and seeks to understand all things.  Consciousness works to be better and more enlightened today than it was yesterday.  Consciousness works at being okay with the ugly parts without judgment so that it can soar to greater heights in the days ahead.

No matter where we are on the spectrum of consciousness, there is always room for more.  It is in how we allow ourselves to travel forward that we either hinder or help our own lives become more than they are today.  Hiding our head in the sand and proclaiming we are conscious has no bearing on how truly conscious we are.

Consciousness means balance in all things - the good, the bad, and the inbetween where it rises above all things as an observer, not just as a participant.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Why Didn't I Know Better?

For a long time, I didn't let that little boy off the hook.  I kept thinking, why didn't I know better?  Why didn't I tell someone to help make the abuse to stop?  Why did I let it keep happening?

These questions are common among those of us who have been sexually abused as children.  They are questions that seem to haunt survivors with no end in sight.  Unfortunately, when we are adults, we see things differently than when we were young kids.  What seems normal and reasonable to an adult is anything but that to a child.

One of the things I've done to help orient my mind from looking at this in a detrimental way is trying to find a kid that is around the age I was when the abuse happened.  I try to reason in my mind if this kid is able to stop an adult or know what is right and wrong?  Is this kid able to stand up to the child molester and say enough is enough?  Is this kid able to stop everything from happening?

The answer is usually NO! 

There is no way that a kid has the ability to understand what is going on especially when it is someone they trust or look up to or that takes care of them.  Kids aren't built with adult minds of understanding at the age most of this abuse takes place.  They are kids.  They have the mind and experience of a kid.  The child molesters know that and take advantage of this.

I'm not 100% certain when the abuse started for me.  I can remember being raped at the age of 5 and left in my own pool of blood to clean up before my mom got home.  I had no clue what as happening at that age.  The threats if I told were not just idle warnings.  I had no one I could turn to and was afraid of what would happen if I even thought about doing telling anyone.  After all, I saw my pets killed for lesser crimes.  If you think watching your pets be killed doesn't send a strong message, please have a conversation with me.

Questioning will tear you apart...

Abuse survivors have to give themselves a break.  It will tear you apart questioning why you could not have stopped things or why you didn't do something different.  The only thing you can do once you are starting to put things together is take care of the person you have become and learn to care and forgive that little kid that had no choice.

Child molesters take away the most intimate and sacred parts of us as a child.  There is no choice by the kid.  There is no consent by the kid.  The child molesters know this and they exploit it past the limits of reasonable explanation.

The next time though you are being a little too hard on yourself as a survivor, do what I do.  Find a kid that is near that age that you are remembering and then see if you can picture that little kid stopping things.  I've got a feeling, you'll find that you see things more clearly.

Most of all, just be good to that part of yourself and work on forgiving YOURSELF.  I know that isn't easy and it definitely takes time and work, but its what I found that I had to do.


Here is a blog post to think about in regards to breaking the silence.  It is a quote by Ellen Bass who wrote, "The Courage To Heal" (one of the first books I ever read on the subject).  Click the following image below to read it.

(click to read)

If you've found other ways that work for you on this topic, please leave a comment below. 

You Don't Understand

I've seen this happen so much lately, it has made my head spin round and round like a child's toy top.  People say far too much, "you don't understand" and this really hurts me to no end.  The pain that statement inflicts is just as bad as if they pulled a gun and took a shot.

Years ago, I was at an event and this person that was in a wheel chair was trying to be strong.  I was trying to help them a little and they really got angry at me.  They stated strongly to me and in no uncertain terms that I just didn't understand what they were going through because I was not in a wheel chair.  Their eyes got real wide when I looked at them and said, "oh, but it wasn't but a few years ago that I was!"

It leaves me scratching my head...

I've had moments online lately that I have truly tried to be encouraging and then heard the words, "you don't understand".  It always leaves me scratching my head because if the person only knew just how much I truly did understand, they probably would blush with embarrassment.  I always think, but if I have missed something, why not try to help me understand, rather than just dismiss me as being "stupid".

I know we all have our difficulties and our struggles.  I know some of us face some very tough and insurmountable odds in getting through our days.  I get that.  I've been through those moments and if you go back through this blog, you will read many of them.  From depression, anxiety, suicide, paralysis, Conversion Disorder, full body rashes, body pain like no other and just trying to deal with the many circumstances of life - yes, I think I have a pretty good idea of what others go through.

Maybe I don't fully understand...

Maybe my experiences don't match up to yours 100%.  Maybe I don't fully understand what your day is like or what that particular part of your story means.  Maybe I see things through my life's experiences and not necessarily your filters, but it does not mean I don't understand.

I feel for others more than most will ever know.  I hurt when I see others hurt.  I want to scream when I see injustice.  I want to rid this world of the pain and I often feel like I'm not enough to help.  To say, "you don't understand" to me is like a big slap in the face.

What if instead of saying "you don't understand", that maybe you help someone understand.  Share more of your story.  Write about what you are going through.  After all, these are ways to help heal and make sense out of what is happening when it seems like nothing makes sense.

I write on my blog and in my tweets the things that I know have helped me.  I write to help give a brighter outlook on things or to give hope that things can change and get better.  I write to help give a different perspective or conscious awareness that may is hard to see.  At no time is my writing about inflicting hurt upon another.

Challenged to look further....

The things that helped me the most in addition to understanding and compassion were the moments when I was challenged to look further, to be more than that moment, and to see other ways I could view what was taking place.  It was in challenging those uncomfortable moments that I began to find my way forward.  I try to do the same with everyone I meet.

I wrote this blog post some time ago about Holding The Space For Someone and I think it matches up to the point I'm trying to make here.

Question Of The Day

What other ways can people help us heal and progress in life or understand what we are going through?

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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My Trauma Is Worse

My trauma is worse than your trauma.  No, my trauma is worse.  You don't know how bad I had it.  I had it so much more!  Of course, I'm being fictional here.  Please don't take this that I am saying this emphatically as the truth.

Have you seen this scenario play out though?  I have seen it a million times and it really gets under my skin to be honest.  I do understand how horrible trauma can be and that it can really make it beyond difficult for a survivor to face.

In the early days, the trauma you have been through feels like some big monster choking the life out of you. It does feel like no one understands and you're all alone.

Your story is valid...

I've had people hear my story and then think that their story wasn't valid.  It always saddens me.  Each person who has been abused, beat, traumatized or whatever the case may be has their own story.  My story isn't any worse.  Yes, in some ways I've experienced a lot, but that doesn't mean I am any more special.  

Trauma is Trauma!  I'm sorry if that sound too simple but it is.  Yes, we all have our degrees of trauma and types of trauma, but holding that as a badge of honor will not get anyone very far.  Yes, I had to learn this the hard way too it seems.

Don't bite their hand off...

If someone offers you a hand of understanding, have the compassion to thank them for it or at least don't bite their hand off for offering it.  Understand that they have no way to know what you have been through until you share your story with them.  Don't expect them to understand something they don't fully know.  Getting mad at them will only distant yourself from others that may be there to support you.  It alienates people so that they walk away with a bad taste in their mouth and more likely than not, are more reluctant to support others in the future.

Anyone who has been through child abuse or other trauma has a long road of recovery ahead of them.  We're all in this together and there is no need to fight one another as if we somehow have it worse.

Sometimes good intentions fall short...

Yes, sometimes people make statements that are well-intentioned but they fall short.  You can always get angry and upset with them if you want or help them understand what it is that you know so they can be there for you in a greater way.  The more we educate others, the more we advance the understanding and treatment of mental health issues.

Let's join arms and hands and walk together into a greater love and light and understanding then we have known before.  It benefits all of us if we do this.

Here's another blog post that I wrote some time ago which applies to this one. Click on the image below to check it out.  (Therapeutic Listening For Suicide And Depression)

A Question For You?

So, I have a question for you to think about and hopefully add as a comment in reply.  Do you sometimes bite the hand of support off even from someone that is well-intentioned but falls short?

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Eliminating Toxic People Is Wrong

I see this subject come up all the time.  People urge others to eliminate toxic people from their lives.  Actually I believe this is wrong and it is anything but human to call for this action.

Exactly who are toxic people?  Are they ones that you disagree with and who voices their disagreement?  Are they ones that are struggling and trying to hang on for another day, but their words and thoughts are difficult to be around?  Are they ones that say things that make you uncomfortable, although they may be true?  Maybe it is people that just think differently, act differently, look differently or are different than you.

I mean, if we start classifying people into toxic or nontoxic, do we make it easier for our pious selves to function in this society?  Do we think we are that much better than others that they need to be "shunned" from our existence?

I realize my words are strong right now, but I feel like I need to give a wake up call.  If I'm hitting the sore points for you, please know that I love you like everyone else that I love.  

There are people that are hurting and they need a helping hand.  They don't need the judgment of others who somehow deem themselves to be more advanced and enlightened.  They don't need someone telling them how awful they are for they already know this.

Yet, if you want to eliminate toxic people from your life, I really think you're doing nothing more than hiding your own head in the sand.  You can't deal with your own life, so you tell others to flee from you.  You say, "you're not welcome in my world because something is wrong with you."

Am I being harsh?  Most likely I am.  I'm not telling you that you have to spend all your time around those that drive you nuts or drag you down into the muck with them.

If we are truly human, we will take care of the gunk in our own lives so we can be there for others.  It doesn't mean we have to wallow in the muck, but we can't sit in our own white garments of enlightenment acting all superior over our fellow humans.

Try being human by stopping the constant propagation of meaningless memes on social media and truly being there for someone.  Often they don't need your propaganda and memes.  They usually just need to know that someone is walking beside them, ready to hold their hand if they need it.  It is not words, but action that is needed.

Far too many of us in this world are so pious and self-absorbed that we cannot be there for others.  So, we come up with convoluted ways to tell others to be more like us - so that we feel better about our lives.  Yet, instead of chastising the world, try to be real and uplifting to the world as a result.

Now, I'm climbing down off my own soapbox for the day.  Come back another day to see me climb back up on it.

One last thought though - we really do need each other to be there for us.  Its what truly makes this world go around.  Instead of having the desire to eliminate toxic people, try allowing your heart to hold their hand and help lift them up out of the pain they live in.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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I Can Only Do So Much

Sometimes I have to remember that I can only do so much.  Sometimes I have to remember that others have to do their part and if they do or they don't, I can only do so much.

I will always try to be there for others giving everything I have to help them, but if they give up before I do, then I can only do so much.  I will continue to try, but others will have to step up, for I can swing at the ball for them.

As hard and as uncomfortable as it gets, I can only do so much for someone that needs help.  The rest is beyond my control.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 12/28/15 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Being Real Is Being Human

One of the things I keep trying to help people understand is being balanced in life.  I want people to be real and human.  Its okay to think great and wonderful thoughts full of happiness and love.  However, if you are hiding your head in the sand, you're not being real.  You're not being human.  You're not being anyone that others can relate to in this life.  We all need relatable people.

I grew up in a church background where everything was pray to God and God will solve all your problems.  God will always provide.  The funny thing was that these same people had more illness and problems then the population at large.  If God was helping them through their prayers and beautiful words of love, then "Houston, we have a problem".  I'm not saying the belief in God is bad and you should abandon it, but I just saw how abused and unreal it was.

Advice From Hurricane Survivors

With the storm that hit the Northeast part of the country, I noticed an article on CNN.com that appeared to be very helpful.  In this article, Hurricane Katrina and Joplin Tornado survivors shared some of the experiences they went through and advice they had for others in the aftermath of storm destruction. 

There is no easy way through these ordeals, but with the help of everyone in our nation, we will recover.  I have never personally had to deal with the destruction of a storm, but I have lived through many hurricanes and saw first hand the destruction and how lives were impacted.

In this article, Katrina, Joplin survivors offer advice to Sandy victims, there is some real word advice and help.  I know that when you are experiencing moments that seem like your whole world has fallen apart, it can help to know you are not alone.  It sometimes helps to learn from those that have already walked through the fires that you are currently walking through.