Lip Service Compassion

Written By Don Shetterly

Lip service compassion seems to be the norm these days.  It is pretty awful how humans are treating one another.  Everyone claims it is the other people that do this, but they fail to see their role.

You've got the ones that have their beliefs and nothing is going to change them.  They shout their beliefs and views from the mountaintops, caring little what others think.  They believe they are right and everyone else needs to see their way of looking at everything in life.  It is nothing more than lip service compassion.

There are those that get up and scream at everyone thinking that all of the noise is horrible.  While that may sound great, there are far too many that only give it lip service compassion.  They want everyone to see things in their view and they will not entertain anyone else's thoughts, especially when they go against their beliefs.

You will also see people who feel they do have it right and might be closer to being human, but then they go out and start screaming to the world how stupid everyone is.  If you try to suggest you do not want to be part of the screaming, they tell you how privileged you are.  In their mind, they are noble, but it is nothing more than lip service compassion for the world.

I don't care what subject it is, there will be people that will take offense to whatever you say.  If you said there was a rock on the sidewalk, some would claim it should be there.  Some would claim it should not be there and others would not see it.  All the while, everyone would act as if they were right and everyone else is wrong.

At this point, I'm so tired of hearing the screaming disguised as lip service compassion.  No one is changing anyone's mind because everyone is screaming rather than listening.

The holidays are a time when we come together to give thanks for all we have along with those we love.  It is a time when we celebrate peace and joy on earth.  Unfortunately, our lives don't give proof to what we say.  We practice nothing more than lip service compassion.

If you find yourself blaming some group of people or political difference, they aren't the problem.  You are!  If you find yourself demanding that others are wrong and they only need to listen to you, then you're the problem.  When you spend more of your time pointing out the faults in others, they aren't the ones to blame.  You are!

Of course, only you can change what happens.  No one else can make you into a compassionate person especially if you don't truly see yourself.  No one else can make you change your behavior because that is solely up to you.

We as a world, need to stop the lip service compassion.  We need to find a way to embrace one another as fellow travelers on this journey called life.  If we keep standing opposed and self-righteous to one another, we will not make it.  If we think we have the answers and everyone else is wrong, we're adding to the horror this world faces.

It is time for us to wake up as a people and stop lip service compassion towards one another.

Open Your Mouth and Remove All Doubt

(Written By Don Shetterly)

Some days I wonder about people.  I really do.  I try to see people as a body that has a pure center of light and love within them.  Some people challenge me hard on that, and while I try to let it go, it gets to me.

I offered support to some people the other day, and of course got one of the "unconscious" statements, wanting to wave a magic wand.  We've all seen that.  We've seen the ridiculous comments that do nothing to help support others.

A long time ago, I learned that sometimes you can be silent and make people wonder, or you can open your mouth and remove all doubt.  In social media, we often open our mouths when maybe we shouldn't, and by doing so, we remove all doubt.

We should help one another...

We are humans!  We should be helping one another to survive on this challenging planet we call home.  We should be working to evolve our own consciousness so that we can be there for others.  Everyone needs everyone because life can be difficult in the best of the time and downright be exhausting at other times.

Yes, I know that there are a lot of wounded people walking this planet.  These wounded people are the vocal ones telling everyone else what they should do while forgetting that they need to heal themselves.  Yes, I understand that is asking a lot, but when the "you should do this" comes out, you're really not helping anyone.

People need someone to listen and be there for them.  They need people who have walked through the fires of their own lives so they can help them go through it on their own.  We need people who genuinely know what support is, where you can see it as evidence through their actions and words.

Just to open your mouth unconsciously does no good.  In fact, you often inflict further wounds upon people.  You make it harder for them.  They are already struggling to hang on, but with some of the things that get said, it is like you're pushing them over the cliff.

When we open our mouths, let us make sure we are helping someone from the heart.  Let us not be the person that removes all doubt and leaves people struggling harder than before we came along in their path.  Let's be people that help each other and leave others in a better place than before we opened our mouths.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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Dealing With Loneliness

Written By Don Shetterly

Recently I was reading the blog post that Jody wrote for her column on loneliness.  It is a topic that is near and dear to my heart as well.  I've struggled with loneliness all my life, and she is so right that Loneliness Can Break Your Heart.


I remember being in one of my grade school years and we were shown some movie about a little kid who was a loner.  I don't remember the name of the film.  I barely recall what the movie was about.

However, I remember one scene in particular that stands out in my mind.  The little boy was getting on the school bus and looking for anyone to see him off, talk to him, or act like he existed.  The look on his face was loneliness.  The little kid was a loner.

Somehow out of that movie, I learned that being a loner could kill you.  Again, I can't remember the entire movie, but that stuck in my mind all these years.  I know I've read other things about loneliness.  There was a song that someone sang in church one time when I was a kid that was titled, "Lonely Voices."

Even in a crowd of people, I can feel lonely.  In a group of close friends, I can feel alone.  I struggle with loneliness because it seems that it permeates every part of my life.

It has gotten a little better over the years, but I still long for being alone.  I could be one of those people like Grizzly Adams that lived out in the woods.  Yet, as much as I like being alone, I do like to be around people.  I love to help people.  I care about people.

Maybe it was because I was hurt so badly as a child being sexually abused and tortured.  Maybe it is that I never learned how to be around others because we were controlled and isolated as kids.

I know that there are lonely people out there and I desperately wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better.   It is something we all have to work through if we are faced with loneliness, but I can tell you from first-hand experience, it isn't always easy for me.

Fortunately, there is support through friends that understand.  There are special connections online that can help.  Pets and animals make a world of difference for me.

Even if I feel alone, I know I am not.  There are people who care about me and love me, even if I can't always see it.  It is important to keep that in mind because loneliness is the jail we put ourselves in.  We alone can unlock it because we hold the key.

Make sure you check out Jody's post on Loneliness Can Break Your Heart.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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Caring Is More Than Saying You Care

I see far too many times when people just don't even begin to go far enough.  They say they care, but their words just don't show they care.  I'm sorry to be the one to state this, but actions speak louder than words.

Caring is more than saying you care.  It really is.  If you can't listen and try to understand, your words are meaningless.  If you can't take the time to truly show you care, than your words just don't mean much.

All of what I'm saying is what most have probably heard before and it may sound harsh, but it really irritates me and disappoints me when I see people do this.  This is not behavior fitting to a human.  This is not what our civilization should be about.

There are many that are hurting.  There are many that just need a listening ear, a helping hand or someone that will say, "let me sit with you while you tell me what is weighing on your heart".  Instead we give the "I'm too busy" approach and tell someone, I'll call you later.

We give people the "don't bother me" approach because I need to watch my socks dry on the clothesline.  After all, don't they know that my TV programs and my latest social media rants are far more important.

We give the people, "subscribe to my way or hit the highway" approach because God only knows that we're right and everyone else is wrong.  They surely don't know what they want or what is good for them, but hey - that's ok, we know what is best.  What we have to say or how we think is far more important than anything someone else may need in that moment.

Caring is more than saying you care.  It is more than a social media like or share.  It is more than passing a happy thought and meme along.  It is truly showing another you care - in deep and personal ways that really make a difference.

Caring should not be the exception to our day like it is now.  Caring should be the norm.  Listening should be second nature, but instead we chatter along in our days, screaming and ranting online and to each other as if that is superior to listening.

If we can give caring to one another in this world, our human race is doomed.  We cannot sustain all that life requires without caring for one another.  The kingdoms of this planet will never prevail when caring is nothing more than an after thought.

So, what do you do each and every day in your own life to show people you care?  As you answer that, be brutally honest with yourself that you are showing caring in the way that you say you do.  When you do this, the entire world will benefit from your caring and there may still be hope for us all.

#Caring

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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I Struggle With People

There are days that I truly wonder about the human race.  I really wonder why humans do some of the things they do. 

I struggle with people in these moments and at times I wish I had a spaceship that could take me to another planet.

People get so nasty with one another calling each other names and putting labels on those that they disagree with on whatever issue it is. 

There is no respect.  There is no love.  They may proclaim there is, but their words and actions show differently.

I struggle with people who think that I must think like them in order to be associated with them.  Whether it is politics or some cause or organization, I try not to be a part of group think.  I feel that humans owe more to the world-at-large to be more than just a mind numbed group think process.

Mind numbed chatter...

I struggle with people who only seem to want to talk to me if I share their views or I'm ready to rant about the latest "topic" of the day.  It feels like mind numbed chatter to me and I really have no desire to immerse myself in it.  I think there are more important things to talk about, but if I am only good to mirror back everything you say, am I of any real value?

I struggle with people who on Sunday say, "I love everyone" and "I have the answers" - yet, their life shows the opposite of the words they speak.  They sound more like a clanging symbol than a band of finely tuned instruments.  Of course, you can't point this out to them because they act as if what you are saying it "unenlightened" or "not spiritual".

It is their needs or wants only...

I struggle with people who only seem to chat with me when they want something or need something or somehow feel like they HAVE TO chat with me.  Their heart isn't in the conversation and they make me feel less than, just because they don't truly value me as a person first.  It is their needs and wants only.

Heck, I know I'm not perfect either.  I screw up and mess up too.  I am just tired of "part-time" people who say one thing and then do another.  There's much more to our world than behaving this way.  I don't even think we are truly human anymore.

And no - it's not all the other people out there that do this!  It is each and every one of us that does it every day.  Yeah, we might like to think we don't, but if you take a look in the mirror - more than likely you'll see something that you don't want to see.

That's the challenge in life though!  Making ourselves better and learning to treat others with respect and true love without judgment is the mark of being a conscious human.  Why don't we try that in a day rather than just demeaning, tearing down, and disrespecting everyone we meet?

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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Tired Of The Things People Do?

Are you tired of the things people do?  Are you tired of how they behave in ways that you find reprehensible?  Do you think others just don't live in life the way you think they should?

Maybe you think they should change and they don't.  Maybe you think they should live a life in the way you see it, but they continue to do things that displease you and upset you.  Maybe they believe in things you don't and you think they are wrong, or they take actions that you find totally upsetting. 

Here's the secret to getting people to change.  If you want people to change, then don't criticize them.  Don't tell them how wrong they are.  Don't scream that they know nothing and you know what is best for them.  Don't hold your ideals and beliefs as the true source of information calling everyone else stupid.  Don't say you love all people and then show nothing but hatred and contempt through your words and actions.

Focus on changing yourself first...

If you want people to change, focus on changing yourself first.  They might be mirroring what they see in you.  They may look up to you and if you act a certain way, that may become the teacher for their own life.  Focus on changing yourself first and then watch what happens to those around you.

If you want people to change, allow them to be who they are.  Allow them to be in the moment of their life where they are discovering themselves and learning and growing.  If you inject criticism into their process, you might very likely be stopping them from changing.

Stop trying to force your way of thinking...

If you want people to change, stop trying to force them into your way of thinking.  There is a good chance that you might not be 100% right either and will need to adjust your thinking in the future.  There is a possibility that someone you want to change may already have arrived at that spot a little early.

If you want people to change, give them the ability to feel loved without judgment in your presence.  Let them know that you love them no matter what and no matter how many times they feel they screwed up or stumbled.  Let them know that your love for them is without judgement.  It will get the best results.

Changing other people begins by changing ourselves.  You will get much further in changing others, when you have changed how you think, feel, and see.  Criticizing others will bring absolutely little real change.  It only sows disharmony.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

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People Can't See Their Own Hate

It really gets sad when we are so oblivious to our own ways that we can't see the forest for the tree standing in front of us.  Yet, another example showed up today by so many that act as if they are morally and intellectually superior.

When you make fun of another group or enjoy seeing the group get triggered by what is being said online or in the news, something is wrong.  No, I'm not making this up.  It was on Twitter.  Why should I not be surprised!

People don't even realize what their words mean or how they come across.  If they do, they don't care.  If they don't understand, it makes you wonder if they realize what being human is all about.

I see people talk about how much they love God and how their beliefs are the right thing.  In the next breath, they shower their hatred among those that they don't agree with and if you call them out on it, you're the one that doesn't understand.  They are so blind with the log in their eyes that they can't see just how their words don't match up to the concept of love.

Politics of course is ripe with hatred for one another.  They don't even care that they put down another group of people as long as it gets them votes.  Out of ignorance, they proclaim hatred all the time without skipping a beat.  It must give them a reason for their life's existence.

Online Social Media is one of the worst places to go if you want to see anything but hate.  It is so quickly displayed in Facebook and Twitter and not one of these people can see that it hurts others deeply.  In fact, I think online social media thrives on it and it is pretty sad because it really damages other people.

Why on earth would one want to intentionally inflict pain upon another person unless they are so miserable in their own life, that this is the only way they know to exist in their lives.  Maybe they prop themselves up by putting others down.  Maybe it is the way they give life and liberty and freedom to themselves, by despising those that they don't agree with and accept.

Hatred is so blinding to people and it causes ignorance to inflate as big as it can get.  It doesn't matter if the people who hate are the ones that act as if they deplore hatred, because as long as they are doing it, it makes them feel superior.  Anyone else that shows the same is acting in a stupid manner.

I'm really tired of seeing hate so displayed every day.  Surely we have the capacity to be more than that.  Surely we don't need to kill and ridicule and preach hatred from our church pulpits.  Maybe we could actually try loving one another and giving each other the respect that should be rightfully a part of being human.

Hopefully one of these days we will evolve as humans, not become those that hate more than the people we despise.  I hold out hope, but more and more it becomes harder to hold on to hope.  If we continue to hate, how long will it take before there is no one left in the world.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

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The Things People Say

I am completely amazed some days.  What humans do often tend to baffle me, but they are peculiar creatures.  The things people say are one of the things that often baffles me to the point where I question the evolution of our species in a positive way.

Things that people say are often not thought out.  They just blurt out (especially online in social media), whatever comes to their mouth or fingers.  Their brains don't even have a moment to filter or cross check the bit of communication.  It is just say it because they can.

Empathy or respect is missing...

Empathy or respect or consideration is not present when people say things to one another.  It is like, I'm going to tell you what I think I must say regardless of thinking how it might affect you.  It is like speaking and writing without even considering if this is the best way to bring things out.

Often, much of the things people say are just not needed.  If they stayed silent, the earth would still continue.  If they didn't bloviate, the sun would still rise and set.  Yet, these days everyone thinks that the world needs to know every thought they have.  They think that everyone needs to know their point of view.

Stop and think for a moment...

If we could all just stop and think for a moment before we type something online or say something, it would help the world in ways no one can even imagine.  It would make the world a much more peaceful place.  It would improve the intelligence of our communication.

I don't understand the need for humans to say some of the things they say online.  Most of it is hurtful and disrespectful and just not good for the advancement of a society.  It is done without regard for others, and is the ego screaming at full strength by the person speaking or writing the words.

 

(click here to read)

How much better we could be if we learned to respect one another.  How much better could we be if we thought a moment before we opened our mouth or commented online.  How much better could we be if communication was a perfected art, rather than the lowest common denominator.

My question to you that I leave is, how do you watch what you say?  Do you monitor it and are respectful, or do you let it rip - especially online?  Comment below and let me know.  I'd love to hear from you.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

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We Want To See Others Suffer

I know that this post doesn't apply to everyone, but it applies to many, especially in our country.  All you have to do is look at our political contest and see how the world views our political race for evidence.  It boils down to the fact that we want to see others suffer or get beat up.  We love to see the fight.

I just read a headline that says that last night's debate was the highest rated in months.  Really?  Yes, really!

It isn't like these people up on the political stage are saying anything knew.  They repeat the campaign slogans and one liners over and over.  If you don't know what they stand for by now, you must be living under a rock.

It isn't like these people up on the political stage really and truly care or want to do the right thing because if they did, their poll numbers would plummet.  They have to take positions that their core group of supporters believe in and so even while I'm sure they want to be trustworthy, they have all failed at this part.  I'm not talking party lines either because they all do it on either side to the same degree.  Neither side is better or exempt in my view.

Year after year, debate after debate, it is the same questions that get asked.  Yes, they pepper a few different twists and thoughts into them, but it is the same thing regurgitated all the time.  It is like telling a kid no time and time again.  You've got to keep repeating it over and over and they still don't hear it or listen to it.

Yet, through all of this, the people who watch these things are the reasons these so called debates of horrendous human disrespect continue.  Do you think the "media" that everyone assails would put this stuff on the air if it didn't sell advertising revenue?  If you do, then think again.  Its about the money!

People want to see others suffer, although they will tell you otherwise.  People act like they love one another in Jesus name, although their actions say different.  People say they believe in one thing, but then the opposite side of that political belief is rejected without proper justification.

I would like to think that this political foolishness will spin itself out of control one of these days so we can get back to a normal discourse, but I'm doubtful at best that it will.  Each political season, we stoop lower and lower.  We spend more and more.  We tear each other apart better than the other guys and we wear badges of honor when we portray this behavior.

I honestly could care less which party anyone belongs to or blindly follows.  They are all the same, spending so much money to allow the ego to grandstand on the stage of politics.  Everyone that follows this stuff to the nth degree is nothing more than a blind follower of one of these political egos.

It is sad that we want to see others suffer.  It really is.  The only way our civilization will endure and survive through the challenges we face as inhabitants on this planet is by working together.  We've lost that as humans.  All we seem to know how to do now is to attack one another.

To those that turn the TV off and don't participate in this spectacle, my hat is off to you.  That is the vote that will change things for the better.  Making a choice to not engage the inflated ego of politics is the more sane option.

If you want to comment on this blog post, feel free to leave your thoughts, but it had better be respectful.  I moderate all comments and if you're here to tear anyone apart or show disrespect, your comment will not be published.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

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We Take Things For Granted

We get so used to what we have.  We miss the big things.  We miss the little things.  People, places, and things are just there and so we take things for granted.  Everything becomes all too familiar, rather than unique and special.

Sometimes we are so inundated with everything coming our way in a day, we don't stop the time to see what is there.  We don't notice what someone special to us, does during the day.  We don't notice that special sound or sight or smell around us in the small moments.  All too often, we take things for granted.

When was the last time you said thank-you to someone close to you.  When was the last time you thanked a random stranger or gave them a smile.  When was the last time you let someone know how great of a job they did or just how much they mean to you.  All too often, we take things for granted.

Truly Connecting With People

There is a way to interact with other people.  All too often, we just go through our day sharing our likes and happy slogans online and in everyday life.  Unfortunately in those moments, we are not truly connecting with people.  We are just talking at or to people.

A long time ago, I learned that in order to truly connect with people who needed help and were hurting, preaching to them or telling them what they should do added very little to their life.

In fact, it often turned them away and hurt them to the core.  I see this happening so much in the world.  We are all too quick to tell others what they should do instead of really offering them a hand to hold and a ear to listen.

Do you really want to know how to truly connect with other people?  Begin by sharing yourself and your journey.  Share your pains and struggles.  Share your ah ha moments that changed your life in ways you could never imagine.  Share the rocks you stumbled over in your path and how you managed to crawl up out of the hole after being weary and bruised to the bone.

The Story Of Your LIfe

Maybe not everyone is like me.  I love to see how connections are made and how people travel to the years we call life.  The story of your life or my life or someone's life is very interesting to me.  I find it fascinating to see how things unfold as I get older.

All the people we run across and meet are so varied.  It is like they are from every corner of the world these days with all kinds of experiences. They come in all kinds of flavors and views and hold many beliefs and opinions.  They've encountered all kinds of joys and difficulties in their days.

I find it amazing just how I came to know some of the people that I do.  It might have been through a mutual friend or maybe a place I worked.  Some days now it is through moments I've had being on Oprah or Dr. Drew.

Missing Them

I'm sitting on this plane as I'm traveling back home.  My heart is heavy missing someone that meant so much.  I've lost too many people I know lately and it sucks.  There is no easy way to deal with it.  It just sucks.

I know that if they didn't mean much to me, I would probably not miss them so much.  I know that if they had not impacted my life in the way that they did, it probably would matter as much to me that they are gone.

Yet I fully understand that as people like these come into your life, there is a role and a connection that you share.  It isn't just a coincidence.  

I find myself missing them at moments and I wish I could just call them up on the phone.  There have been many moments where I wanted to call them up and talk to them.  It is then that I realize how much I miss them. 

Together We Are Stronger

I wonder about people at times.  I really do.  I study people and watch them and observe them.  I've always done this ever since I can remember.  Sometimes people amaze me and sometimes they upset me.  Sometimes I'm totally captivated by them and other times I'm repulsed.

This past weekend we had a garage sale.  We had some vinyl records for sale.  Of course, I'm quite aware of the fierce competition by record collectors and I'm also aware that some record collectors have very little social grace.  I'm not saying all of them do, but I've observed that in many just like some of the computer techies who have no social grace.

So, I open the garage door and am met with two people who wanted to buy all of the records we had for sale.  One guy hands me $40 more than we were asking and says, "I will take them all".  Fine, by me.  We made good money and one less group of things left to get rid of in the sale.

Corporations Lack Of Respect

Call me naive, but I believe we are in this world together and we need to begin acting like it.  Whether it is people killing each other or learning to hate one group over another, we're all the same on this thing we call planet earth.  Corporations are no different.

Corporations often show a lack of respect towards the very customers they try to woo into their bottom line.  If corporations are people as the political pundits suggest, then maybe they should start acting human.  I realize that these days, its all about profits and anything to do to bring a dollar into the establishment is what matters, even if the corporations suggest otherwise.

Take for instance, the U2 album on Apple that was pushed on to every device.  Some are angry because this happened and some can't understand those that are angry. Each group is free to feel whatever way they need to, but I think the news media is sensationalizing this issue with hyperbolic words.  While it may be brilliant marketing, it was not thought out well.  Apple treated the iPhone devices as if it was their property that they could do whatever they wanted.  Just imagine if they would have put out a tweet that for a limited time, you could download the U2 album.  Imagine what would have happened.