Lashing Out At People

Written By Don Shetterly

Recently, I have had a couple of experiences that left me dazed and scratching my head.  In both cases, I said one thing and someone else took it completely out of context.  They inserted words or their experiences into it and then began the assault.

In both cases, what I said and what they read into it were miles apart.  It didn't help that I tried to explain what it was that I meant.  They were having none of that.  They had already come to a conclusion in their mind that I should be found guilty for whatever crime they believe I committed.

Sure, I know we all hear incorrectly what others sometimes say.  I understand that, but when someone lashes out at you instead of trying to understand or listen, there is only so much you can do.

I saw this a lot in the house I grew up in and it was so common, no one realized they were doing this.  Often you would hear, "We hurt the ones we love the most."   While I accepted that back then, I no longer accept that because it is abusive.

When people filter out what you say, it is hard to get them to see the complete picture.  It is difficult to understand the true intent of their words and as a result, you end up spewing toxic garbage on them and yourself.  It makes things pretty messy.

I see these situations that I experienced as someone demanding that I understand, but I was not able to have a moment to explain.  They deemed me guilty of something I didn't do.  Would it not be better if they helped me understand why they reacted the way they did?  Would that not be more beneficial?

The experiences are sad and the best reaction I can have is just to walk away from the toxicity.  No matter what I try to say, it isn't going to be enough.  No matter how hard I try to convince someone in these situations, they are not going to begin trying to understand what I said.

Of course, these days, this is how our country and the world reacts to other people.  We don't truly listen and we judge others before anyone has a chance to articulate their point.  We rush to the execution because in our eyes, we are right and everyone else is wrong.  How does this advance humanity?

At one time, I would have gotten in the ring and fought until I thought I had won.  These days I do not see the benefit of jumping in the mud pit because I know that if I do, no one will be able to tell the other person and me apart.

If we want others to understand what we know, we need to give them the benefit of the doubt.  We need to listen to them and not judge them before they open their mouth.  For when we judge and accuse someone before we see the entire situation, we're really making the world a worse place.

We owe it to one another to be there for the other person and help them travel this journey together.  The more we can lift up and honor humanity together, the more progress we all make.

With Empathy and Without Judgment

Written By Don Shetterly

I see this happen all the time.  I saw it way back, on one of the earliest little forums for people helping others.  We tried to learn how to own up to our own insecurities and be empathetic with others.  We tried not to respond with judgment, even that which was inadvertent.

Yet, I still see the same thing practiced today that I saw back then.  Everyone wants to preach at another person and tell them what they should do.  Rather than telling themselves, they make sure everyone hears what they are doing wrong.

Often times, I think we are really telling ourselves what we should do, while we make our response out to be for someone else.  It is a subtle distinction but very powerful and very preachy.

I'm sure I probably fail in this at times on this blog.  I try hard, but sometimes, it just happens.

However, I do find that if I share some of my own struggles and become vulnerable with others, it means so much more to them than if I started telling them what to do.  Saying that you should do this or you should do that does not connect as much as if I share my own struggle and how I got through it.

We resonate deeply with others when we know someone has walked through the fire.  When it is hard to determine that, we're not as inclined to hear.  When we feel the slightest ego or judgment, it is then that we say, "I'll figure this out on my own," and we tune others out.

There are far too many in this world, and especially online, who are quick to judge and tell you what they think you should be doing.  It is an epidemic, and with social media, it happens in an instant.  Everyone has an opinion, but these days, it is turned into belief and fact, without consideration that not everyone sees things the way they do.  It is okay if we all see things differently because together it makes us stronger.

Healing and helping are about putting your arm of compassion around someone and saying, "I'm here for you."  It is about checking your own issues, cloaked in judgment, at the door because they help no one.  If you respond through your own wounded self and ego, it is not a healthy connection.

(click to read the blog post)

Yes, I know we are all human, and we're all learning.  We are probably never going to get this right 100% of the time, but I believe we need to put a much greater effort toward it.  If we want to be human, we need to focus on where our responses to others originate.

So, let's try something.  Just for today.  When you talk or write back to people, whether it is in person or online, how are you genuinely coming across?  Are you connecting with an arm of compassion and love, or is your ego making sure that your opinions and beliefs are being forced upon others?

Check Out

• MindBodyThoughts.com

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

My Issues And Your Issues

Written By Don Shetterly

As I get older, I am beginning to see things differently in life.  I guess that's part of the maturing process because what once seemed to be important has shifted.  I see things differently.  I understand things differently than I once did.


Through these changes, I'm seeing that everyone has strengths and weaknesses, good and bad.  We've got moments where we triumph in our life, and we shine with all our strengths, abilities and talents.  However, we've got the other side.

There are the issues we struggle with and the weaknesses we harbor within ourselves.  Sometimes these flaws and shortcomings are on display for the whole world to see.  At other times, we hide them from anyone outside of where they exist.

I've learned that I can be vulnerable with people close to me and it is okay.  Being vulnerable is not easy for me, and I really thank Brene Brown for what she has taught on this subject.  Sometimes I just don't want anyone to think I'm what I think I am inside, even though my view may be distorted.

In many ways, I think we are all like that to some degree with some more so than other people.  There are some that completely distort how the world and those close them see their lives.

I was good at hiding things...

In fact, at one time before I went through paralysis and Conversion Disorder, everyone around me thought I had the world together and I was happy all the time.  I was good at hiding things back then.

I remember my mom going to work and she could be as sick as one could be, but no one would see it.  I learned so much from her how to hide my true self from the world.  Yet, at the same time, it meant I kept myself from interacting with the world and possibility and joy.

One thing I have noticed is that we tend to see ourselves in a more perfect light when we try to impress everyone around us.  We don't want everyone to see our flaws.  We hide it and distort it and paint the picture of what we want them to see.  Sometimes there are moments where this may be needed.

Yet, deep inside we sometimes feel fragile and damaged and not having much skill, talent, or good to our lives.  Even when others see how much we offer, we sometimes cannot see this in ourselves, and so we hold the "frail" image of ourselves as the measurement of all that exists in life.

We insulate ourselves...

If we go too far with hiding ourselves from the world and not allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, we tend to go around lashing out at others.  We join the bandwagon with the rest of the folks tearing others down, hurling hateful insults against one another and highlighting their issues.  It is the way we hide from ourselves because if we put the spotlight on others, we insulate our true self.

Social media gives us a high speed interstate to point out the issues of others and focus on the distorted view we see within ourselves.  It is one of the negatives of social media that sometimes really frustrates me.  Of course, it is our choice how we interact with it personally, but I hope that we can move in the direction where we use it for positive change, not hate and insults and unconsciousness.

All of us have our issues.  We were born with them, and we picked some of them up along the way through our families, schools, communities, and circle of people we know.  It is okay to have issues, but hopefully, we learn from them while recognizing that instead of pointing out the issues of everyone else, we can do much more by working on our own.

I keep challenging myself to be more and learn more about my life.  I don't want those days pre-Conversion Disorder when I showed that everything was fine to the world and I was in a hundred kinds of pain.

Being real and authentic and working to improve our lives each day - that's the ticket to becoming more and learning from our issues.

Follow Me On

• Twitter:  @MindBodyThought

• Facebook:   MindBodyThoughts

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

I Help Lift Others Up

If I see through the eyes of acceptance, I help lift others up.

Far too often, we want to force people into our way of thoughts and beliefs.  We do more harm than if we accept others as they are and see them through the eyes of acceptance.

When you accept others for who they are, not your judgment of who they should be, it is then that you are lifting them up to heights they never could have imagined. 

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Judging Negative People Is Not Human

I know, we all do it.  We claim we don't, but we do.  We'd like to think we don't, yet I bet if your life was under a magnifying glass, we would see this in full display.

Some are better at not doing it than others.  Some just seem to struggle with it all the time.

Judging negative people is not human.  We may think it is.  Our ego may convince us that it is, but to a person that is conscious, judgment is not a healthy thing.  It originates from the ego and is fed by the ego.

If you think that people are too negative or they are so negative that you must expel them from your life, you are judging them.  Who is to say you are right and they are wrong?  Who is to say that their level of negativity is too much?  It is a judgment call, not fact-based, even though every day I see people claim they have the right facts.

Screaming out for help...

Sometimes that individual is walking through a pretty hot fire and they are screaming out for help.  Yes, it is true that often times people do not really want the help because all they know to do in that moment is scream out in pain.  It is all they are equipped to do.  To shun them means they must walk alone, and sometimes those roads get pretty lonely.

Judging others does no good for them and quite frankly, it does no good for us.  It may make us feel like we are taking charge in life, but if you leave those that are struggling to stand up in the ditch, what good is that?  What good is it to put yourself in a position to judge others, when all you're doing is making yourself into a person that is not truly human?

A broader connection...

Often when things in other people bother us (including their negativity), it is because there is a broader connection.  There is something about that which makes us uncomfortable.  Maybe we haven't healed that part of our life.  Maybe we are still stuck in something unpleasant.  People cross our paths for a reason, and while shunning them is a choice you make, let it not be the only choice you entertain.

People are hurting in this world and they often need to know someone cares.  We pass memes along all day long and make statements, but we so often fail to see the full impact of those things.  Our words can become a knife slashed about to others who are already hurting.

Judgment stops healing and love...

When I've been in deep healing moments with other people, the judgment stops the healing from happening. It blocks love.  It is when you get rid of the judgment that the person knows you are real, authentic, and you are there for them.  The body and the mind know this from an innate level.  No words have to be spoken to understand this.

When we judge people we deem to be negative, we're not only elevating ourselves to a level that is not ours, but we're forcing them to go hide in a cave of loneliness, despair, and shame.  Let us rise to the occasion and see what the negativity means to our own life so maybe we can heal something we have not yet fully healed.

It is far better to help a limping person walk than to kick out their good knee.  Judging negative people is where we kick out the good knee and then look at them in disgust because they cannot stand.

We are far too quick to judge, and far too slow to truly understand how to love others and ourselves.  Judgment comes from judging ourselves first and we propagate it to all others.  By learning to show love to ourselves, we'll learn more how to show love to all.

And yes, there are some people that come through our lives that really push the limits.  Sometimes it is helpful to flee or take a rest from them, but to do so with unconditional love.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

I Love You But

All my life I heard this familiar statement: " I love you but", followed by some reason or statement.  It was almost as if their proof and reason why the word "but" was included held validity over you and anything you would say or think.

These days, I see "I love you but" statements and I cringe.  Most of the time no one realizes they are using them.  Many are so numb and disconnected that it becomes normal every day talk from one person to another.

In many ways, the "I love you but" statement comes when you don't agree with someone else.  In a way, I see it as passive aggressive.  It is like saying either get in line with my way of thinking, or just know that there is something wrong with you.  Sure, we don't come out and say that, but this statement strongly implies it.

Often I've heard the statement "I love you but" being used to bring a child in line and get them to act a certain way.  This is one of the main ways I heard this used growing up.  It doesn't matter if the behavior is wrong, it is there when someone feels it is their responsibility to control another.

In churches, it is common to say, "we love the sinner but hate the sin" and to me, this is just another iteration of the "I love you but" statement.  You can't hate what makes up a person and still fully love them at the same time.  You can disagree but you either love the person unconditionally or you don't.

People need others that love them without conditions because when they know they are accepted, it is then they can flourish.  When they are being controlled and manipulated and trampled upon, it is then that they wilt and die.

Too often we think we know what is best for others, yet we have not walked in their shoes.  We think that they have to subscribe to our thoughts or we cannot love them completely.  Love does not place limits on anything.  Love is freely available and given in its purest form.

There is just far too much judgment in this world, and to only dole out love when it is convenient for you is not only disrespectful to the other person, but to yourself.  If you only love people when they meet certain conditions, I can almost bet that they will show you what they want you to see, not who they really are.

Let's try having unconditional love for one another.  Let's not just make grandiose gestures that we do.  Let's not just go out and scream it to the world that we love one another.  Instead, may our words and actions align together and may those around us, innately know that they are loved.  May they know that it is more than mere words stated that are cloaked in judgment.

And if we can't even bring ourselves to unconditional love for another, let's at least try to show some respect.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Shallow Judgment

Too many times, I see people respond, post, and interact with one another online and I almost feel cheated as a human.  While people may mean well, I think that they are often practicing what I would call shallow judgment.

If you don't agree with them, it isn't so much that you are wrong, but maybe that you've seen a different side of the world.  If you don't agree with them, it is maybe that you see more fully something that they have yet to understand.

Unfortunately online, there is so much shallow judgment.  Moments of judgment where a single fact is portrayed as the answer to everyone's ills, issues, and struggles.  There is not a desire so much as to understand and learn from one another.  There is not a desire to see life from a different perspective.

With shallow judgment, what is spoken and shared is not something that can be repeated from person to person.  Sure, it is a lesson that worked for this individual, but until you can go from person to person and repeat it, there is something lacking in total understanding.

We are too quick to judge...

We are too quick to judge others these days.  We are too quick to judge ourselves these days.  Judgment is generally not a deep thought.  It is a more of a shallow thought process that elevates one person above another.  Judgment is not helpful in the grand scheme of human evolution.

Judgment is far too common these days and it is destroying our humanity. I don't care what issue it is about, because judgment only points you in one direction.  It does not embrace the whole of a person.  It does not embrace the possibility of what could be.  It narrowly forces a view point of what it feels is correct and true.

Instead of giving judgment to one another as filtered through your own views, why not try to put on a  new outfit of sharing, listening, and actively engaging through compassion and love.  Why not replace the judgment you have with the emotions and feelings of your heart.

For to say you have love, but you allow judgment to project through your words and actions, is being a person who uses doublespeak.  I don't believe one can have judgment and love at the same time.  Unfortunately, this practice is shown every day in our human interaction as if it is possible.  In reality, it only leads to a disconnect with all things human living in our society.

#Judgment

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Some Days It Is Hard To Be Silent

Let's get ready to rumble!   Yep, person "x" is in their corner and now person "y" is in their corner.  In moments, these two hot and heavy breathing individuals will come out of their rings fighting.

Oh wait, they started before the bell went off.  Well folks, we're off to one heavy and heated fight.  Stay tuned... 

Some days, it is hard to be silent.  We are all that individual in the corner of the fighting ring it seems.  It is almost as if each person has their boxing gloves on and no matter what, everyone else in the ring are the enemies.

There is no stopping to embrace the other person or listening to the other person.  It is every man, woman, and child for themselves.  This is how humanity appears these days.  Our days are the fighting ring of life.

We speak how much we hate others...

We go to social media or we go to our friends and speak how much we hate and abhor the others that don't think like us.  We go on TV or to the political pulpits and we exclaim how horrible those other people are.  We sit in our church pews and listen to the minster puff our egos up while proclaiming those that don't believe like us, are to be avoided and shunned and talked down to.  We make sure we post it on social media so everyone gets the message!

Often we are just adding to the hatred that is being said, rather than showing that true love and compassion exists in this world.  When we get down in the mud pit, we can't expect to stand up clean.  We will have mud all over our body too.

Don't engage in the hate.  Instead show love and compassion.  Show understanding without judgment.  If you despise all that is said and yet you engage in it, what are you profiting from that?  Are you any different than the ones you judge?

Yes, sometimes it is extremely difficult to stay silent and not engage with the loudmouths of our society.  It just does little good and if you engage, you become that which you hate and despise the most.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

We Know What Is Best For Others

This topic is so evident online and in the news and on discussion boards.  Without anyone truly knowing what a person has gone through, others are so quick to make it clear that they know what is best for you.  They may cloak the words and thoughts, but you can be darn sure that the words are not innocent.

Do we really know what is best for others?  I mean, have you walked a mile in their shoes?  Have you experienced the pains and horrors and the questions that hey have?

Most likely, even if you've had similar experiences in life, until you have walked in their shoes, you just don't know what they have been through.  It is a mistake to think you do.  It is condescending to believe you do. 

Yes, you may think the thoughts that you spread to social media and the messages you put out are what everyone needs to hear.  Unfortunately I believe the words are more for each person that writes or shares them, then they are often for others.  Yes, others may benefit, but don't confuse who the recipient is.

Learn to share your experiences...

Learn to share your experiences and how that has impacted your life.  Let it shine through what you've done to pick up and carry on in life when circumstances, situations, and experiences fought hard to keep you on the ground.

Learn to have compassion...

Learn to have complete compassion for others which may mean sometimes what you think they should hear, is not helpful in the least bit to them.  Sometimes the best and most powerful thing you can do is to just hold the space for them, devoid of judgment.

Judgment is not what others need...

Judgment is often in the things that are shared and written, but to be honest, it is far from what this world needs.  We've got too many people pointing the fingers at one another and not enough people listening with compassion and understanding.

Help make the world be a better place.  Help make the world into something that reflects back your passions by cleaning your own mirror.  If your mirror is dirty, it will be difficult to reflect back accurately that which you think you are doing.

Even when we think we know what is best for others, the audience is usually limited to one.  The audience we speak to and share our messages is often more for our self, than everyone else.

We may think we are above reproach on this, but if you stand back and observe your actions, there is a good chance you will see things differently.

Hopefully I'm not doing the same thing here that I am speaking out against.  If I am, then I failed in what I wrote.  My attempt is to get each one of us to think more clearly and openly of what we throw out into the world every day.  That is my intent and hopefully it shows through in the words I write.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Through Vulnerability We Help One Another

The light touch that connects with others.  The light-hearted way you smile at someone.  Your gentle words from your compassionate heart that help break down the pains others are facing.

These are the things that make life.  With our vulnerability we help one another through tough times as well as through the moments of further growth and achievement.

It doesn't have to be the most eloquent speech or the perfect painting.  It doesn't have to be the most perfect blog post.  It doesn't have to be a moment where you know what to do next.  All it needs to be is something you give of yourself even in your own vulnerable moments.

Courage to be vulnerable...

Yes, it may take courage to be vulnerable, but the heart of another knows and connects without words spoken.  It may take a step of faith as you offer a hand of light touch or a heart without judgment, but just know that by you taking the step, you may be changing someone's life.

A person without judgment is a very smart person.  We need more people who will open their lives up and listen to another without judgment.  Judgment is very disrespectful to another human being.  It is like stabbing another person through the heart.

Give in the slightest of ways...

Don't think you have nothing to give because when you give of yourself, in the slightest of ways, this is when you've given something so great the universe rejoices.  Don't think you're never enough because the person needing your help may see you as a giant.

Sometimes we don't always need a person to help pull us up out of the mud pit we are in.  Instead, sometimes they just need us to stay with them until they find the way out.

We are humans connected by vibration and energy and love.  We are humans that need one another to strive to greater heights.  It is in the way we allow ourselves to be vulnerable with one another that we find the meaning and purpose of life.  We discover through this just what makes life so full of joy and love and happiness.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

We Support You But Let's Not Talk About It

Some days I really wonder about life and then on other days, humans prove with their actions what they think and feel in their hearts.  I know, it is an indictment of the human race, but I hope that with the words I write, someone will be a little wiser and a little more enlightened.  Maybe I'm hoping for too much, but even with the way some humans act, I still have faith in humanity.

The tired and worn out thought, we support you but let's not talk about it, makes me weep for humanity.  I've seen this a million times.  Whether its throughout the healing journey of child sexual abuse or an organization ripping apart at the seems, it is heard loud and clear.  Whether it is in a job where you stand up for what is right or you stand up to the bully in the workplace or even if you get married and it goes against the beliefs of others, there is no mistaking it.

Are humans that fickle?  Are humans so wrapped up in themselves that they offer support but yet they don't?  These are tough questions, but each and every person should ask them and ponder them because it happens across the board in one way or another.  It happens across every city and town of every country on this planet.  I've watched it play out so many times and in so many circumstances that my eyes are weary with pain.

Can we not be real with one another...

Can we not be real with one another?  Can we not show compassion and love to one another without using our ego and judgment to cloud the waters?  Are we not better as humans to understand love, compassion, consciousness and awareness.

Unfortunately, I would like to think humans have a greater capacity to love, rather than judge.  I would love to see where humans have a better awareness of what is right and just in this world, rather than turning a blind eye and being an accomplice in what is happening before them.  I still have hope for humanity.  I still try to have faith in humanity.

Actions speak volumes...

This business about supporting someone but then acting as if it doesn't exist or you don't want to talk about it, shows what is truly in your heart.  These actions and words speak volumes about what you really mean.  You can't just go to church on Sunday or embrace the new age thought patterns and let your actions say one things, while your mouth says another.

Maybe you think you don't do this and if you don't, my hat is off to you.  However, look long and hard because you might be missing the ways that you do.  It is not out of the question to not see that which you do.

Supporting one another is a basic part of being human.  If we fail in this, we have failed those around us and we have failed ourselves.  We cannot claim to support, but then hide it under the carpet.  We cannot claim to support and then talk about the stuff in a degrading way.  We cannot claim to support but hold back showing this, even in the slightest of ways.

My hope is that instead of hiding our heads in the sand, we will learn to become better humans.  Humans that are aware and conscious and walk the walk.  To be anything less, is to short change the human race and the world.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Tired Of The Things People Do?

Are you tired of the things people do?  Are you tired of how they behave in ways that you find reprehensible?  Do you think others just don't live in life the way you think they should?

Maybe you think they should change and they don't.  Maybe you think they should live a life in the way you see it, but they continue to do things that displease you and upset you.  Maybe they believe in things you don't and you think they are wrong, or they take actions that you find totally upsetting. 

Here's the secret to getting people to change.  If you want people to change, then don't criticize them.  Don't tell them how wrong they are.  Don't scream that they know nothing and you know what is best for them.  Don't hold your ideals and beliefs as the true source of information calling everyone else stupid.  Don't say you love all people and then show nothing but hatred and contempt through your words and actions.

Focus on changing yourself first...

If you want people to change, focus on changing yourself first.  They might be mirroring what they see in you.  They may look up to you and if you act a certain way, that may become the teacher for their own life.  Focus on changing yourself first and then watch what happens to those around you.

If you want people to change, allow them to be who they are.  Allow them to be in the moment of their life where they are discovering themselves and learning and growing.  If you inject criticism into their process, you might very likely be stopping them from changing.

Stop trying to force your way of thinking...

If you want people to change, stop trying to force them into your way of thinking.  There is a good chance that you might not be 100% right either and will need to adjust your thinking in the future.  There is a possibility that someone you want to change may already have arrived at that spot a little early.

If you want people to change, give them the ability to feel loved without judgment in your presence.  Let them know that you love them no matter what and no matter how many times they feel they screwed up or stumbled.  Let them know that your love for them is without judgement.  It will get the best results.

Changing other people begins by changing ourselves.  You will get much further in changing others, when you have changed how you think, feel, and see.  Criticizing others will bring absolutely little real change.  It only sows disharmony.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

It's Far Too Easy To Judge Others

Everyone thinks that they know the other guy, the other place, the other side of an argument but in all reality, unless you've walked in their shoes, you don't!  Wow, that was rather blunt, wasn't it?

Yes, it was blunt, but it seems like every day I continue to see how easy it is to judge others and yet we really don't know what its like to be them.

We think we know what others deal with but in all reality we are viewing their lives through our own filters.  Our filters are based upon our life's experiences and the people we have met, the places we have traveled.  Our filters are based upon the beliefs that we grew up with and were taught, along with how our own subset of society we live in looked at other people.

Thinking we see what others deal with is not the same as walking in their shoes.  We have no idea what it means to have lived the life they know or they hope to know.  Even if they tell us and describe it, we will never know what it truly means until we have actually lived through what they have experienced.

I began to see a different world...

At one time, I thought I was aware of so much in this world because I try to stay open to all things.  However, when I traveled for one particular job, I began to see a different world than I realized existed.  Yes, we see an occasional news report, but it is nothing like being in the midst of it and seeing it with your own two eyes.

I learned that in many ways, I had no clue what it was like for the people and places that I saw.  I felt sadness for them, but to them it seemed like it was just another day.  I doubt they wanted my pity anyway.  I wanted to help, but I realized the situation was so great that even if I took all the money in the world, I doubt it would truly solve the problem.  Yet, I saw a selfishness and superficial attitude towards these people and places that would just add to their suffering.

It is far too easy to judge others.  We get all high and mighty thinking we know what is best.  In all reality, we are nothing more than a clanging symbol when we think we are love.

It is far too easy to judge others and tell them what they should do based upon our own life's experiences, but we miss the part that they have endured and lived through experiences that are much different than ours.  We may be talking trains and planes, while ignoring that fact that they are talking horses and cows.

We are right and they are wrong...

It is far too easy to judge others and demand they see things our way.  After all, in our own little word, we deem we are right and they are wrong.  We deem them to need to be enlightened to what we know.  Yet, we fail to understand that we do not hold any more of the answers in life than they do.  We just see things differently and we've applied life in different ways.

It is far too easy to judge others while claiming how superior and great and intelligent we are.  We hold our ego and pride out in front of us, rather than opening our hearts and ears.  Judgement comes from the ego, but love and helpfulness and compassion come from our hearts.  It is our heart that should be guiding us, not the judgement of our ego.

It is far too easy to judge others, while thinking that we don't do this.  It is so easy to convince ourselves that we are far better than that.  Each of us can only truly know what is in our own heart by taking a close look and inspecting our words, thoughts, and actions.  Words alone will fail us, but actions out of love will lift the entire world to greater heights.

We need each other to survive this journey called life.  Together our world will go further, but when we judge others, we divide the world into chaos.  Let us consider how we can see each other through the eyes of love, not judgment, and walk hand-in-hand together through the journey of life.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

The Shock Of The Orlando Massacre

I'm numb.  I can't focus.  I want to cry.  I do cry. I can't cry enough.  My heart aches for all those in this horrible massacre.

I'm afraid to go out.  I'm afraid that others might think I'm gay and shoot me.  I want to hide.  I want to sleep.  My heart aches for all those in this horrible Orlando Massacre. 

How do I make sense of this?  One individual wants me to blame a group of people.  Another individual says, "no, blame this!"  Yet, others are quick to tweet and judge and pronounce condemnation on the world, on a country, on religion, on gays or whatever else they think it is.  They are all experts of course, in their own minds.  Yet, their logic has hid under a rock.

Everyone wants to help, donate, make a difference - and that is good.  Yet, no act you can do seems like it is enough.  No amount of money can make up for the pain you feel watching all those who went through things that are hard to imagine.

We become angry...

We become angry at the shooter.  We become angry at those who minimize, or we blame the ones that are suffering.  What kind of God delights in punishing a group of people in this way, as some off-balance religious people would say?  I'm not going to give them their self-gratifying sense of ego by glorifying the name of these religious zealots. 

We blame ourselves.  We blame everyone.  Yet, blame is never enough.  Yet, blame will never heal, but we have more than plenty of it.

We cry out for change...

We cry out and hope for change, but yet we do nothing.  We cry out that things must change, but they seldom do.  We cry out for the our friends we will never see again, but yet it feels like the forces against making this right are more concerned with lining their pockets with cash, than they are about making something happen.

We go through our day as zombies, thinking about all those lives which were taken in a second;  the remaining tweets, the last videos and the last voicemails.  That is all that's left - beside our memories.  They were our sons, daughters, lovers, partners, husbands, wives, friends, brothers, sisters, mothers and fathers.  They are now gone. Nothing will bring them back. 

What's next?

What's next?  No one can say!  Where do we go from here?  No one knows.  How do we begin to heal?  That is difficult question to answer.

The foundation for many gays has been shaken in the shock of a massacre.  Is it safe for gays to live in this world or will others be killed just for being who they are?  The only crime these people committed was loving life and having fun while being themselves.  One hateful and judgmental ignorant fool made that determination because of his own beliefs and from that which he had been taught.   It almost looks like he did it to please his father but I could be wrong.  That's only speculation, not fact.

The shock of a massacre doesn't just go away.  It will be with the Orlando community for a long time.  It will permeate every area of life and become a hidden poison locked away in the minds and bodies of those left behind.  It is part of the LGBT legacy now.

Yes, we can and will find ways to heal, but it comes at a price.  It comes at a price that was too high.  The price is raised every time we hear the political grandstanding of the day.

Together we will make it...

Together is the way we will make it through this.  Together as we look out for one another and feel the love and companionship we all share, may our hearts not close with bitterness to all people.  May the pain we feel, not only be replaced with a new awareness of life, but motivate us to remember in ways we cannot imagine.  May those ways be positive for the world.

Let us not forget that this process will not end tomorrow.  It will not end next week.  It may never fully end, but in all things, let us remind ourselves that we have to take care of ourselves.  We have to reach out when we need to, because this pain is great and no one should have to bear it alone.

May this Orlando community become stronger and may we stand up against the hate and intolerance and religious judgmental fools of our day.

To leave everyone reading this with something that I find helpful to do, please read "The Importance Of Breathing" or click the image below.  It is something that we forget in times like these.

The Importance Of Breathing (click image)

Please feel free to leave your comments below if you want.  Keep them respectful as I do moderate all comments. 

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Let Me Tell You How Wrong You Are

We are high and mighty these days in our society.  It doesn't take much for us to proclaim to the world what THEY should do!  The meme of our day seems to be, "LET ME TELL YOU HOW WRONG YOU ARE"!

I'll forewarn you, this blog post is a little bit of a rant on something that just grates on my nerves.  As always, I do try to write with a point that hopefully when you're done reading this, it may help see something a little differently.  At least, that's the goal.  So bear with me through this one.  Sometimes I just have to get on my soapbox!  

Let me tell you how wrong you are!

• Don't believe me?  Take a look at online social media, especially when it comes to politics.  Those that support a candidate view all others as stupid, broken, ill-informed, or uninformed.   No, this is not meant as a political discussion either. 

• Don't believe me?  Take a look at many of the religious postings in online social media.  Unless you believe like they do, they will not even talk to you.  They won't discuss things with you because it is their way or no way.  No, this is not meant as a religious discussion either.

My Recent Experience

In fact, I just had an experience the other day that proved this without doubt.  I was traveling.  The rental car company gave me a very big vehicle to drive.  I had no choice to take the car they gave me because of the way I rented it.  If I wouldn't have taken this car, I would have paid a lot more money.

Anyway, I'm driving to find something to eat and parking was limited.  Keep in mind, I am trying to get this vehicle in and out of a parking spot and that was not easy or comfortable for me.  It made me quite nervous and anxious.  My anxiety was extremely high.  Sometimes I get animated when the anxiety is high.

After circling the parking lot several times, I stopped to regroup and figure out what I should do.  Unfortunately I didn't realize for a minute or two that I was blocking a lady trying to back out of a parking space.  It was inadvertent.  The moment I realized what I had done, I moved from the spot I was in.

When I parked the vehicle, another lady came up and rolled down her window.  Apparently the person that I had inadvertently blocked in the parking spot, was her daughter.  She started out telling me how I needed to be more "CHRISTIAN".  I'm not even sure where that came from because it wasn't like I self-identified with that in any way.  It didn't matter when I tried to explain to her what had happened, she had already judged me to be this horrible person that got mad at her daughter and blocked her in.

We exchanged words and I gave her an earful back.   I normally don't do that, but this lady instigated this and would not stop.  She had to be right.  She had to tell me how wrong I was.  There was no backing down and somehow she was a holier-than-thou type of person telling me to be a better Christian.

When I walked away from her after I stood up for myself, I felt like someone had just covered me with icky slime.  I felt like I needed to take a shower to wash off all the evil junk she spewed at me.  I'm sure she went to her next prayer meeting and told everyone the story or at least her version of how awful a human being I was.

When we have the attitude of...

When we have the attitude of "let me tell you how wrong you are", we have lowered our self from the status of human into the status of something less than.  Thinking that we know it all and we can judge another person, does not even rise to an enlightened or spiritual person.

Later, after I brushed off what this lady did to me, I could not help but think that what if I had just had some horrible news that day or maybe I realized it was my last few days to live.  Would she have treated me differently, or was she so self-absorbed that she wouldn't have cared.  My point is, we never know what another is going through and to judge others and act this way to other people, could be very hazardous to their health and well-being.

This was not love that she showed.  If she was a christian, she maybe misunderstood the concept of love and judgment.  Unfortunately, it isn't this person only in situations like this.  It is far too prevalent in the world and something NO ONE should be proud of or endorse.  Yet, we all do!

So that is my soapbox.  I could have done without this event that day, but my greater point is that we need to stop and see others with love, not judgment.  It is not our place to cast judgment on others and tell them how wrong they are.  In fact, more times than not, we need to take an inventory in our own life of what we need to work on.

Here's another blog post that talks about judging others and makes some good points.  Click the image below to read the blog post, Before You Judge Me.

Click Here To Read

Let me know if you have been judged like this by others or if you do the same thing.  I'd love to hear your comments below.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

If You Shun The Negative People

I see this going around social media all the time and it really makes me want to puke.  Yep, I mean puke!  Everyone is telling others to "shun the negative people" or "drop the negative people" or "avoid the negative people" in their life.  Unfortunately, I'm wondering how much less human can you become.

First off, who are you to judge which person is negative or not and to what degree can they be negative about their life.  Did you get a certificate or blessing from God to be able to do this?  Maybe you were anointed as the one that knows all and can classify this person or that person as a negative one, while another is not negative.  Maybe you think I'm negative by writing this. 

Second, if you ditch and drop and avoid the negative people, what will you have left in this world.  I don't see anyone out there that doesn't have negative parts of their life.  So, does the negative have to be at a certain percentage before you drop, avoid, and discard them or is that subject to how you feel about them?

Third, maybe someone that seems negative to you is having a rough time in life and they really need a helping hand to steady them along their current part of their path.  Maybe they are reaching out in the only way they know how.  However, you in your ultimate wisdom and condescension see them as less than and not deserving this part of life.  Your judgment precludes you from caring about them.

Yes, I know that we all have our own paths of difficulty to walk in this world.  Most if not all of us are blinded by our own deficiencies while we point out those in everyone around us.  Most, if not all of us think that we have the whole world together while others are losers and horrible people.

Consider this though, what if you reached your hand out in love and compassion, rather than judgment and critique?  What if you reached out to wrap your arms of love around someone that was struggling hard in life?  Don't you think that would make a difference in their life?

Instead of judging and shunning or avoiding the negative people, try being human.  Try connecting with the pain others are feeling so that maybe you as well as them will be healed.  Most likely, if someone is bugging you or you think you want to avoid them, they are in your life for a reason.  You can of course choose to avoid, shun, or drop them, but there goes what you're supposed to learn from them.

The world is hurting and it definitely does not need more judgment with less compassion.  We have real issues on this planet and the last thing we need to do is shun who we determine are the negative people in this world.  When we do that, we are not helping the world.  We are only hurting every person.

After I wrote this, I realized that I had written something similar days before.  Rather than deleting this, I am leaving it up here because it is too important of a topic to take down.  I'm seeing this subject so much, that I feel like it is 100% necessary to counteract the negativity of shunning negative people that it needs to be reiterated. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------
Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------

030616

Do Not Judge

I'm always intrigued by people who purport to follow the bible, but yet they don't heed what they preach.  They push their beliefs on others, but they avoid putting themselves under their own microscope.  They proclaim that they are forgiven and so this applies to everyone else, not them.

One area I see this repeatedly is in the judgment of others.  Whether it is a political race or family members, friends or social media acquaintances, judging others seems to be what people do best.  It is what followers of the bible seem to do best.

In Luke 6:37 it says, " Do not judge, and you will not be judged.  Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned.  Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

At no point in this scripture passage does it say that judging others is a good thing.  At no point in there does it say that judging is your first priority in life and all other endeavors should fall by the wayside.  At no point does it say that you should judge others or condemn others.

In fact, if you follow the bible, you should be forgiving others more than condemning and judging them.  You should be accepting them as they are, not as you think they should be.  You should not be playing the role of the God you worship by acting as if you can judge others.

I grew up in a family where judgment was the norm of the day.  No, we didn't claim it was judgment or condemnation.  We didn't see that we were judging others.  We didn't even know that we were judging and condemning.  Yet, we practiced it as if it was the only precept in life to follow.

When we got home from church, it was that gossip that we shared that was judging those we rolled our eyes at.  Sometimes, we didn't even wait until we got home from church.  The judgment was in those prayer meetings where someone would go on and on about another member almost as if they were preaching to them.  The condemnation was whispered in the hallways of the church.

Judgment and condemnation was so common place that if someone didn't attend the church we went to, we were taught to consider them lost and going to hell.  If someone went into a place of business we did not think was almighty righteous, then we were taught they were going to hell.  If someone did not say the things we felt they should say or listen to the music that we felt they should listen to, we were taught they were going to hell.

If you did not want to be condemned and judged, then there was an unwritten code in the family and church that you would follow.  Often the rules were made up on the spot with the father of the family or the pastor of the church making the determination of who was right and who was wrong.  They were the judge.  You learned to follow the rules so you would not be judged and condemned.

In these days, I see so many judging and condemning others.  Whether it is issues concerning gays or if someone is a patriot or a liberal or conservative, anyone who disagrees with the religious pharisees of our day are considered lost and going to hell.  They are judged and condemned.

The thing I don't understand though is Jesus also said, "love one another as I have loved you".  Love is not condemnation or judgment.  Love is acceptance in the purest form without strings attached.

So if the religious pharisees of our day claim that they follow the bible and they follow God or Jesus, would they not be obliged to stop judging and condemning one another.  Would they not be obliged to live their life loving one another, rather than spewing the hatred that they so strongly dish out?  Maybe they are so blind that they cannot see this.

Do not judge is an area the entire world could do better.  Do not judge could be more helpful for the overall survival of our civilization and planet.  Do not judge or condemn could actually help us to work together for a common good.

Maybe if we are going to judge one another and claim the good book tells us to do this, we might just want to read what it says before we go hitting each other over the head with it.  I don't believe the bible's intended purpose is of hitting people out of judgment and condemnation.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Blog Post And Images (c) 2/18/16 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The High And Mighty

Recently, I experienced something that was extremely hurtful and painful.  Someone that meant a lot to me and still does, got up on their high and mighty horse.  They fell off it as well, but hopefully they can find their way back up on a normal horse.

The thing is, I am one that tries to improve myself.  I work hard to push myself more than the day before.  Of course, I'm not always perfect either and in fact, I fail far more of the time then I get it right.  I don't stop.  I don't give up.

Now, I may struggle and I may squirm around during my days.  Things may appear that I have no clue what is going on or what I need to do.  In all reality, those are the moments, I'm beginning to formulate my thoughts and I don't hide all of this from anyone.

Some must not like to see that.  They get all high and mighty and proclaim they know all, see all, and are all wise.  They proclaim in passive aggressive ways that I know nothing and that I need to get on the ball.

It's sad really because if we as humans spent as much time working on ourselves as we did nitpicking other people, we would be some mighty awesome people.  We wouldn't be a judgmental high and mighty person, but one that was full of true love without judgment.

Most likely there is a lesson in here for me to learn and probably at some point down the road, things will look different then they do in the midst of the pain and hurt.  Stuff will happen and even those that we really care about will turn and become something we have never seen before in our experience with them.

So be it!  They can be high and mighty all they want, but at the end of the day, I've got to look out for myself and stay true to myself.  It isn't that I try to brush off things that maybe will help me as much as I can't sway to every whim someone has that thinks they know best for me.

There are times that I choose not to say things to others because I know it would only hurt them and serve no purpose.  It does not mean I don't listen.  It just means that I am trying to protect them and the cascade of effects that would surely fall like a row of dominoes.

All my life, there have been far too many that were high and mighty.  Much of it has focused around religion, but some of it comes in the new age world.  There are just so many  that try to fix everyone else instead of applying the same balm to their own life.

I know, its easier to point the fingers at other people, but just remember that when you point the finger at someone, you have three pointing back at you.  If you keep that in mind, it will greatly help not only your interactions with others, but the entire world.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Blog Post And Images (c) 2/5/16 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Not Enough Judgement?

If we stop to consider our world, are we really a part of moving it forward, or are we part of the problem?  Is there not enough judgement in the world that we don't need to add to it ourselves?  These are many questions that I wish we would all ask ourselves each day.

Each and every day I open Facebook, Twitter, or my email, I'm inundated with thoughts, sayings, pictures and written beliefs that portray so much hatred.  From the religious to the spiritual new age, from the political folks to the feel good ones, there is just far too much judgement.  Whether it is through perfectly cloaked words or just outright disdain for everyone who does not believe the way they do, it hurts the entire civilization of our planet.

If you find yourself reading this and thinking, I don't judge anyone - its all the other people that do it, please let me say one thing to you directly - STOP IT!  You just judged someone else.  That's part of the problem.  Judging others makes you no better than what those are doing that you hate so much.  Its often so sneaky and sly that we don't even notice it and we surely think we don't harbor it.

Negativity Makes Us Less Than Human

It is sad to watch how the world behaves these days.  It seems that everyone is caught up in the fear, the loathing, the hatred, judgement and criticism of one another.  I can't speak for all countries and nations of the world because I do not live or travel there, but in the US, it is a very toxic place.

All you have to do is take a moment and observe what is going on around you.  If you watch the news or follow it along on the internet, you'll see just how toxic it has become.  We are not doing anyone much good these days and if we don't reverse this, I fear we will completely lose our sense of humanity.

Take for example, the Olympics and Michael Phelps.  The other day when he did not win the gold, I immediately saw a twitter trend of many negative comments towards him.  It was almost like people reveled and took joy in his demise of not winning the race.  One person even tweeted me as if to enlighten me that while Phelps had done great things, he is very douche like.  While I'm not sure exactly what she was referring to, my response was that I try to find the good in all people.  After all, this is a competition and yet, we feel the need to hate and criticize with negativity something that someone does who we barely know or interact with?  It still boggles my mind just how hateful these things were.