People, who scream and fight and argue, really cause me a lot of distress. It gets to me quickly and it leaves me feeling very agitated. Finding the silence of peace and calmness in our communities seems to be as rare as winning the lottery.
Sometimes in the morning when I am sitting out by my pool for my morning meditation, I can hear the neighbors screaming at the kids they are watching. In fact, as I am writing this, I can hear them scream and a car alarm buzzer is going off in the background. These things disrupt my quest for peace and calmness in the morning. I'd much rather hear the birds singing any day than listen to the noise from the neighbors.
Another example is watching TV. Even shows like America's Got Talent where Piers Morgan likes to argue with the other judges is something that really gets to me. His name calling, lack of respect and extremely critical persona make me very sad for whoever it is on the receiving end. While I do realize this is reality and drama TV, it affects people more than we sometimes want to accept.
Even on the new season of the Apprentice (with the unemployed contestants), the constant bickering and screaming made me feel on edge. I felt like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. I could even feel my arms, shoulders and back tense up during this show.
When I was a kid, there was a show called "I Love Lucy" or I believe that was the name of it. Supposedly my parents would not let me watch it because the show would upset me and make me angry. Again, it was the screaming and yelling on the show that got to me.
All my life, I have struggled with this. I grew up in a home where my father constantly yelled, screamed and berated everyone around him. There was no pleasing the man! It doesn't take much either to affect me these days. There are times that someone talking fast, nonstop and loud is very difficult for me to be around.
The unusual thing is that as much as this bothers me, I found my own self doing the same thing. Only I don't berate the ones I love and I don't yell at them. I would never do that. The thing I do is scream and yell out of frustration at the little things in life. Sometimes I have very little patience or understanding for myself. Sometimes I demand perfection of myself while not forgiving any mistakes I make or could potentially make. I am very hard on myself. In fact, I am much harder on myself than I am on anyone else.
I had one of those wake up moments in life where I realized that my own personal outbursts were affecting those around me. From my relationship to my cats, everyone was on edge wondering when I would erupt. They never knew when the slightest little task as innocent as it could be would frustrate me and set me off. This was a big eye opener for me which made me take stock of my life.
I'm sure not perfect in this area of my life but I have really been working on it. I hate to think that something I'm doing brings tension to those around me. I know what it is like to grow up in a house of screaming and yelling.
Being a highly sensitive person, I know just how intense moments around me can impact my mind and my body in dramatic ways. I've worked to minimize some of those and to give myself moments of quiet in my day. I've stopped watching the news commentators on TV because so much of what they say comes from anger. It really just agitates the mind, especially my mind. For me, I see too many people screaming and yelling in life. It is too much for me to take most days.
There are many things we do in our own lives that strongly impact the lives of those around us. Often we don't realize just what these things do to others. We may realize that it is something we struggle with but we may not be fully aware of what we are forcing others to live through. We really need to be aware of this or at least be open to hearing from others how our behavior impacts them. Of course, we cannot go through life trying to be everything to all people.
I do realize that I am a highly sensitive person and that I am impacted stronger by things than most people. While I give myself moments of silence, I try to keep my distance from those that yell and scream. Finally now in life, I am able to really calm myself down so the little things don't get to me and erupt into screaming and yelling. I am learning that there is no need to add to the turmoil in our world. For me to be there for others, I need to offer my own peace and calmness, not my turmoil.
(Above Picture taken at the lighthouse at Ponce Inlet, FL - (c) 09/14/10)
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