Fear of money often holds me back from abundance. Even though I desire to connect to the flow in my life, I often sabotage this. Today, I allowed myself to write about my fear of money as this is a difficult subject for me. The following are my fears that I have of money.
I do fear being without money. I've been there and of course and came back from losing everything, but it really frightens me. I feel as if I'm going to be out on a street with people coming after me.
For some reason, I feel that I am a bad person when I don't have money.
Deep down, I'm not sure if I deserve it like others do. For I fail to see many times that I am not worth very much.
I feel that there are always strings attached to any money I earn or am given just as what was shown to me growing up.
I see money as being for those who have control and power which all too often I feel powerless, weak, and not in control.
Money is manipulation to me based upon my past experiences.
It seems normal to lack money and weird to have money.
I'm afraid it would corrupt me and take me off my path in life.
I'm afraid it will change me and turn me into a materialistic person.
I'm afraid that everyone will want it, demand it, or feel like it belongs to them should I have money.
I feel like expectations in life would be too much if I had it.
To have a lot of money, feels dirty, wrong and yet it feels like the answer to life's problems.
I fear I would not be able to say no to those who deceitfully asked for help.
I fear it could break up relationships and people would just want to be my friend because of the money.
I'm afraid money would keep me from remembering what it means to be human, to be a simple person and where I come from.
I'm afraid I would become a person that looks down upon others.
Maybe these are only my fears but they seem very real. I would like to enjoy a financial abundant life but never forget who I am and my role in the world. I would love to be able to open a healing center and offer services for those that cannot afford it. I would love to make our life easier by being able to hire people to do some weekly things like repairs, cleaning, pool maintenance and lawn mowing. I would love to be financially secure to travel. All of this would include helping others out anonymously when I know they needed it.
My picture of money was so messed up as a child. I remember the struggle when we were cold, hungry and fighting to survive. Buying groceries for my family, not having enough money to buy clothes were the norm. I remember going hungry in college to filing bankruptcy and starting over again in life. Life has been a mess for me financially.
I'm making progress toward abundance but I have all these fears and misconceptions. May I continue to learn how to accept "GOOD" and "ABUNDANCE" into my life. Let me realize my fears about all these things and remember, I am on this earth for a reason with a lot to accomplish.
Other Suggested Reading:
1) The Abundance Book by John Randolph Price
2) Do What You Love, The Money Will Follow by Marsha Sinetar
3) Open Your Mind To Prosperity by Catherine Ponder
(Above Picture taken on (c) 09/09/10)
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