I Love You But

All my life I heard this familiar statement: " I love you but", followed by some reason or statement.  It was almost as if their proof and reason why the word "but" was included held validity over you and anything you would say or think.

These days, I see "I love you but" statements and I cringe.  Most of the time no one realizes they are using them.  Many are so numb and disconnected that it becomes normal every day talk from one person to another.

In many ways, the "I love you but" statement comes when you don't agree with someone else.  In a way, I see it as passive aggressive.  It is like saying either get in line with my way of thinking, or just know that there is something wrong with you.  Sure, we don't come out and say that, but this statement strongly implies it.

Often I've heard the statement "I love you but" being used to bring a child in line and get them to act a certain way.  This is one of the main ways I heard this used growing up.  It doesn't matter if the behavior is wrong, it is there when someone feels it is their responsibility to control another.

In churches, it is common to say, "we love the sinner but hate the sin" and to me, this is just another iteration of the "I love you but" statement.  You can't hate what makes up a person and still fully love them at the same time.  You can disagree but you either love the person unconditionally or you don't.

People need others that love them without conditions because when they know they are accepted, it is then they can flourish.  When they are being controlled and manipulated and trampled upon, it is then that they wilt and die.

Too often we think we know what is best for others, yet we have not walked in their shoes.  We think that they have to subscribe to our thoughts or we cannot love them completely.  Love does not place limits on anything.  Love is freely available and given in its purest form.

There is just far too much judgment in this world, and to only dole out love when it is convenient for you is not only disrespectful to the other person, but to yourself.  If you only love people when they meet certain conditions, I can almost bet that they will show you what they want you to see, not who they really are.

Let's try having unconditional love for one another.  Let's not just make grandiose gestures that we do.  Let's not just go out and scream it to the world that we love one another.  Instead, may our words and actions align together and may those around us, innately know that they are loved.  May they know that it is more than mere words stated that are cloaked in judgment.

And if we can't even bring ourselves to unconditional love for another, let's at least try to show some respect.

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Evolved Beliefs

When our beliefs become how we see the world, it is time to question these beliefs. While many in our country and throughout our world give lip service to this concept, many fall short.

Growing up, I remember being taught many beliefs by my family, the church and society. Many of those beliefs no longer serve me in my life because as I have grown and evolved.

Here are a few examples of the beliefs I grew up with which were challenged in a very difficult way.

1) The family that fights together does so because they love one another.
2) Boys that cry or are sensitive need to grow up and be a man.
3) Give 80% in marriage and expect only 20% in return if that much.
4) Daddy does these things to you because God tells him to.
5) Do what your father tells you to do without question.
6) You just have to suck it up and move on - feelings are for wimps.
7) Don't do as I do, do as I tell you to do.
8) Dancing and drinking are sinful (except when we do it in private).
9) Family secrets are best left in the closet.

This list could be endless for me. These beliefs were ones that we were taught that you neither questioned, nor disobeyed. Disobeying meant you were not only disrespecting your father but you were turning your back on God. Turning your back on God, meant you would suffer throughout life and end up in the fiery place called hell.

As I have grown in life, it has taken me some very difficult moments to learn that most of these things were rules and beliefs dreamed up by some adult to fit me into the mold they wanted me to be. It had nothing to do with how I would discover who I was as a person. It was more about control, manipulation and adherence to a set of derived vantage points.

We've all got our beliefs and teachings we grew up with. While some of these may serve us well in our life, we need to be careful. If our beliefs control us, than we not evolving in life. We did not come to this world to leave without becoming more evolved and aware. Unfortunately, far too many in this world do just that.


Further Reading:
1) Beliefs Often Are Regurgitated Rhetoric
2) Truth That Is Now Foolish
3) What Do You Believe?




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Abundance: My Fear Of Money

Fear of money often holds me back from abundance. Even though I desire to connect to the flow in my life, I often sabotage this. Today, I allowed myself to write about my fear of money as this is a difficult subject for me. The following are my fears that I have of money.

I do fear being without money. I've been there and of course and came back from losing everything, but it really frightens me. I feel as if I'm going to be out on a street with people coming after me.

For some reason, I feel that I am a bad person when I don't have money.

Deep down, I'm not sure if I deserve it like others do. For I fail to see many times that I am not worth very much.

I feel that there are always strings attached to any money I earn or am given just as what was shown to me growing up.

I see money as being for those who have control and power which all too often I feel powerless, weak, and not in control.

Money is manipulation to me based upon my past experiences.

It seems normal to lack money and weird to have money.

I'm afraid it would corrupt me and take me off my path in life.

I'm afraid it will change me and turn me into a materialistic person.

I'm afraid that everyone will want it, demand it, or feel like it belongs to them should I have money.

I feel like expectations in life would be too much if I had it.

To have a lot of money, feels dirty, wrong and yet it feels like the answer to life's problems.

I fear I would not be able to say no to those who deceitfully asked for help.

I fear it could break up relationships and people would just want to be my friend because of the money.

I'm afraid money would keep me from remembering what it means to be human, to be a simple person and where I come from.

I'm afraid I would become a person that looks down upon others.

Maybe these are only my fears but they seem very real. I would like to enjoy a financial abundant life but never forget who I am and my role in the world. I would love to be able to open a healing center and offer services for those that cannot afford it. I would love to make our life easier by being able to hire people to do some weekly things like repairs, cleaning, pool maintenance and lawn mowing. I would love to be financially secure to travel. All of this would include helping others out anonymously when I know they needed it.

My picture of money was so messed up as a child. I remember the struggle when we were cold, hungry and fighting to survive. Buying groceries for my family, not having enough money to buy clothes were the norm. I remember going hungry in college to filing bankruptcy and starting over again in life. Life has been a mess for me financially.

I'm making progress toward abundance but I have all these fears and misconceptions. May I continue to learn how to accept "GOOD" and "ABUNDANCE" into my life. Let me realize my fears about all these things and remember, I am on this earth for a reason with a lot to accomplish.


Other Suggested Reading:
1) The Abundance Book by John Randolph Price

2) Do What You Love, The Money Will Follow by Marsha Sinetar

3) Open Your Mind To Prosperity by Catherine Ponder


(Above Picture taken on (c) 09/09/10)

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