Angry Rants

Written By Don Shetterly

I'm overwhelmed these days by most things online.  It feels like there is enough stress in a day and then seeing angry rants just pushes it over the edge.  I'm not sure why we as a world are at the place we are, but I'm worried for the future of our civilization.

No one seems to want to listen to another.  We only seem to want to scream and push our point of view on everyone.  I think many feel like no one hears them and if that's the case, the result is to scream louder to compensate.

Everyone seems to have their point of view and belief system.  While that is fine, when you force it upon everyone else, what do you profit?  How do you make their life better?  How do you make the world better?  After all, they are "our" beliefs.  Often times, "our" beliefs are not backed up by as much truth as we think they are.

I see the I'm right, you're wrong in the angry rants.  It doesn't matter the issue.  The ego is crafty and smart and powerful.  It says, my way or the highway and to heck with your views, thoughts, or ideas.  The only thing is, if we are all right, and everyone else is all wrong, then we've got a mess on our hands.  Surely life is more than you're wrong, and I'm right.

Angry rants go on about this individual or group of people.  It often centers around politics and the latest headline of the day.  I'm bewildered when I see the constant stream of it online, weeping in sadness for how we treat one another.

Surely our lives are more than angry rants of who is right and who is wrong.  Are we not more than all of the mind-numbed issue ranting of the day?  If you really look at it, it is not a conscious behavior.

I'm not saying that we should ignore injustice, abuse, and bullying.  In fact, I think we have to speak up, but there are different ways of doing that.  Many that are being used today are not effective and become nothing more than a noisy gong.  We are drowning each other out.

I get the frustration with what is happening throughout the world.  It feels frightening at times and stressful most other moments.  It feels like there is nothing stable or permanent.

In my mind, I see the pendulum of the planet swinging so far back and I wonder how much further it can go.  What will happen when it reaches its furthest most point?  My mind wonders about what will happen when it swings back and hits all the other balls hanging there without motion.

Some days I feel like the only one seeing this, but lately I've noticed I'm not alone.  There are others that see this and try not to add to the anger in this world.  I am inspired and hopeful by these connections.  The peaceful and loving ones are beginning to emerge.

Each and every human needs to stop and take stock of their lives.  We need to be mindful and aware of what we are putting out into the world.  There is more than one way to communicate and right now as a civilization, we're really messed up.

May we figure this out before the pendulum swings too far back.  I hope that everyone who reads this will stop and think about it for one moment.  We cannot expect everyone else to do what we want when we're doing the very same behavior.  We cannot expect others to listen if we do not hear.  If we are screaming, we can not expect them to be silent.

We may think we are right and quite possibly that is true.  However, being right comes with a responsibility to see others through the eyes of love and understanding.  In fact, love and understanding see beyond who is right or wrong.  Angry rants do very little to help.

How do angry rants impact your life?  Do you see anything that you can do differently to be part of the healing in this world?

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Blog Post And Images (c) 12/14/17 by Don Shetterly

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We Point Fingers

Written By Don Shetterly

Lately, all across the planet, it seems to be human means we stand opposed to one another.  We point the fingers and exclaim that everyone else is the problem.  We hold our heads up high while bashing everyone who doesn't believe our way.

The issue doesn't matter.  From the more serious ones to the little ones, we point the finger and say "you're either with us or you're against us."  There is no middle ground.  There is no listening.  There is no acceptance of anything outside our personal belief systems.

It doesn't seem to matter how enlightened people claim to be or how religious and God-loving they are.  Everyone points the fingers while thinking they have the truth.  They believe they have all the answers.  They believe no one knows what matters the way they do.  When I say they, I mean the "collective we" in our society.

We See Things Our Way...

We judge but demand others not judge us.  We torment and ridicule, but we hate it when the same is done to us.  We fail to listen to others and their points of view while demanding that they adhere to ours.  We speak as if are the only ones with the right to talk while telling all others to shut up and sit down because they have nothing of value to say.

I'm not saying all things that are said, need to be heard.  In fact, I believe many need to practice some self-control and learn which things are good for public discourse and which things are not.  In this day and age of the internet, we all feel that every thought that passes through us must be shared with the world instantaneously.  Thanks, social media, for doing us such a big disservice!

Instead of focusing on what is in our own heart and learning to let go of our own anger and pain and stress of life, we inflict it upon everyone we meet.  We show them our hatred through our words and our actions.  We show them our pain through our inability to just let go and move on.

We Are Part Of The Problem...

We give a voice to the crazy thoughts of the day when we point our fingers at them in judgment.  We give a voice to the crazy talk when we have to share, pass on, retweet, and like everything they say.  We are as much a part of the problem as the ones sharing the trash.  Yet, we hold ourselves up high as we are somehow enlightening the world.

If you add crazy to crazy, you're only going to get a more crazy response.  If you add hatred to hate, you're only going to see more hate.  If you antagonize anger with anger, you're going to see anger on display at every corner.

We need to really stop and think about how our actions are contributing to the overall demise of the world.  We may believe that we are doing something positive, but when we elevate the crazy trash of the day, then we are part of the problem.  We need to stop being part of the problem.

Let's stop judging ourselves and therefore others.  Let's stop pointing the finger at others and therefore ourselves.  Let's stop hating and showering anger upon the world, expecting love in return.

Instead, let us show love to the world by first starting to show love within ourselves.  Let love begin within us.  Let us rid our hearts of hatred, judgment, and anger so that we can fill it with love.  Let us let go of all those we point the finger at, and see the spark of light that is within each human being.

Remember, when you point a finger at someone else, you have three fingers pointing back at you.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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Anger Spilling Into Everything

Written By Don Shetterly

Every day I keep seeing more and more that almost gives evidence to the human population spinning out of control.  It is sad in my view because surely as human beings, we can be more than that.


We point the fingers at one another.  We become disrespectful with our social media words.  We look at everyone who doesn't agree with us as some part of the problem, not as a human like us.

I see anger spilling into everything.  Maybe it is because we do not know how to let the anger go as a civilization.  Maybe it is that there is so much anger that it is feeding off of every facet of our lives.  I just see anger spilling out into the simplest of moments.

Lately, I've gotten replies on tweets that boggle my mind.  The ones responding are either trying to sound cute or just responding out of anger and spite and disrespect.  I struggle to figure it out at times.  Even if you try to ask for clarification, they come back with even more anger-filled comments.

I've had people try to tell me how to run my stuff and tweet and write.  My system does work for me, but if it bothers someone so much that they respond with anger, maybe they need not follow me.  I cannot please all people all the time.  I don't understand the control that some will try to push upon others.

But more importantly, we need to stop and check our anger at the door.  Anger is far too prevalent these days, and the more we nurture its growth rather than acknowledging it and letting it go, the more we will harm ourselves and all humans.

This world doesn't need more anger hurled at itself.  The world needs respect and love and compassion.

It is up to each one of us what we do and how we do this that makes all the difference.  If you connect into anger every day, that's what you are going to get back out.

While anger is spilling into everything these days, it is up to us to not be a part of that and show something different by our lives.  We alone can do that or we alone can add to the problem.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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The Flashbacks Wipe Me Out

I've come a long way in my healing.  I've leaped over mountains.  I've not only survived what was done to me, but I have thrived and I'm conquering new worlds.  Yet, the flashbacks come up every now and then and wipe me out.

The feelings are the first to show up for the flashbacks.  Then it progresses to the hint of the images.  Next the images start to take a shape, and a larger view of what they are follows.

The night time becomes an exercise to convince my eyes that it is okay to close them for a few hours.  I try to coax my brain into turning off long enough to get some rest.  It becomes a tug-of-war, and who wins is anyone's guess.  The winner result will be known when the sun comes up.

As the images, thoughts, feelings, and sensations come on, my mind works feverishly to hide from them.  In this stage, I despise them.  I hate them.  I abhor them.  How dare they sneak into my conscious thought!  How dare they!

At times, I feel like a deer caught in the headlights, not sure what to think or what I'm seeing.  At times, I just sit there bewildered and caught off guard as if my thoughts are a million light years away.

My mind tries to rationalize the flashbacks as if there was some way to make sense of them.  There is no way these images are real, I scream violently back to them.  There is no way this could have happened.  "Are you so stupid that you would think they would," I chastise myself.

Yet, myself laughs at the ridiculousness of my aversion to the flashbacks.  It knows more than I see and sees more than I know.  Yet I'm not about to give up the control.  I'm not about to hand over the keys to something I don't know exists.  No way - no how!

Then I read an article in the paper about some father sexually abusing and torturing his 7 year old daughter.  My eyes turn to rage.  I want to make that father suffer as much as he made his 7 year old daughter suffer.  For I know that this will forever change her and it will be something she has to deal with for the rest of her life.  I try to silence my rage and anger, for they will lead me down a path that will not be good.  I can only hope they lock him up for good, but I know all too well, that often the child abusers get very little punishment if at all.

The flashbacks don't stop.

The flashbacks continue.

At times, my body feels like a wrung-out wash cloth ready to be tossed into the garbage.

At times my body feels like an exhausted mess of muscles, tissues and cells all frustrated with another episode of flashbacks that I have to deal with in my life.

This is what my life becomes at times.  This is the horrible world of flashbacks that I live with from all the abuse and torture that was done to me as a kid.  I struggle to write those words because what child would even think a family member could do anything bad to them.  "How dare the child think this?" I scream at myself!  It is hard to accept.

The images aren't pretty.  It isn't only my mind that remembers.  It is the physical reactions I can see in my legs and across my skin.  It is the shivering one minute, followed by heat and sweating the next.  It is the rash that shows up.  It is the burning that I feel one minute, followed by nothing the next.

Some days I wonder if I've gone crazy.  Some days I am so tired of dealing with flashbacks that I despise the air I breathe.  Some days, I just don't feel strong enough to face them.

Yet, I know - that this too shall pass.  One of these days, things will calm down.  Yes, I know, I've got more to work through in my life and when I get through these things, there will be greater peace.

Today, that all seems like a dream.

Today, I will hold on to that dream.

Today, I feel wiped out.

(From my journal on 6/22/17)

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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Anger Bubbling Up

I'm beginning to understand just how much of an epidemic this is not only in the country I live in, but the entire world.  Anger is alive and growing.  We see evidence of it through violent actions committed everywhere.

No one seems to know how to get rid of the anger bubbling up within them.  Society doesn't allow it.  Parents don't teach how to let go of it.  Schools don't teach it.  Churches don't teach it.  We all hide our heads in the sand as if anger is a problem for someone else.

In fact, we hide behind anger.  We stuff it down.  We paste it over with happy thoughts and condescending statements toward others for even feeling anger.  We tell others how they should not have anger in them because it means they are "less than" or "not the way a human should be".

None of what is being done in this world helps to alleviate anger.  When it acts like a spring bubbling up within us, we just stuff it down.  We smile to the world, while hating our innermost self.  We smile to the world while we try to numb the pain.

I'm wondering when we are going to start waking up as a human civilization and understand that we are our own worst enemy.  We are inflicting so much pain on our lives through what we do.  We as a society are trampling upon others because we are not leading authentic lives.

Anger is a poison that permeates our body, our cells, and our tissues.  Anger when not allowed to come out festers as an infected wound upon our body, only this one is silently hidden from view.

How often do we hear that someone just popped and no one would have expected they had the anger in them to do what they did?  How often do we see people's rage show up, but we hide it from our reality and act as if it didn't happen?

We have to get real with ourselves and with others.  If we continue to let anger bubble up with no method for release, we're harming ourselves so badly.  It takes a physical toll on our body and mind.  We end up hurting the world in ways that we cannot even imagine.

If we continue to hide from our anger and minimize it or numb it, we're doing the human civilization a major injustice.  There is no honor in being inauthentic.  There is no honor in minimizing and numbing one's life, rather than being real and human.

Anger is a hateful energy.  It is one that alters how we see not only the world, but ourselves.  When we find it hiding within us, it is then that we no longer consciously connect to the deepest parts of our soul.  It is then that we have lost our connection with humanity and the world in which we live.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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Triggered By My Cats

No... don't ...

No pets... don't you understand?

Don't do that.

Please don't do that!

The scenario that played over and over so many times as a kid.  Rarely did my pets ever get to come inside and if they did, I often had to sneak them in.

Well, sneaking means I sneaked them through the front door, but then since we had absolutely no privacy growing up, it was hard to keep it a secret.

Unfortunately, our pets were not used to being inside.  I don't know why they weren't allowed to stay inside, but they weren't.  It didn't matter if the nights were subzero temperatures.  It didn't matter what, they just had to stay outside.

The monster would be after them...

Most of them weren't used to letting me know they had to go outside to go to the bathroom.  They made a mess from time to time and of course, when they did - the monster would be after them.

I would see their little heads and faces ground down into the carpet into the mess they made.  The monster would show them once and for all never to do this again.  He'd throw a fit.  He'd make them learn.

I would watch in terror, wanting to rescue them but not able to do a thing.  You didn't dare lift a finger or raise a voice to the monster.  He would lay you flat on the ground and beat you until you could no longer feel a thing.  There was nothing you could do to stop the torture. You had to watch it and hear it and silently cry within.

If the monster got real mad...

If the monster got real mad, he'd pick up the cat, open the door and toss it up in the air.  The cat would go sailing in the sky and somehow land and run away.  I would cringe every time I saw this.  My heart would skip a beat.  I would hold my breath in terror.

And if the monster got real real mad, he'd just kill them.  He'd find a way to drown them in a gunny sack in a river or crush them or whatever method he deemed appropriate.  There was no stopping the judge and executioner.  I was powerless to stop him and I still hate myself to this day for that.  Yet, I was a small child.

I still remember doing the dishes as he shut my little kittens in the cellar door.  They had just been born recently.  I loved the grey one and the charcoal color one.  I had started to name them.  One was smokey.  I would sing to him, "On top of old smokey".  Yet, the monster killed them.

I instinctively knew what happened...

I heard the sounds.  I heard their little meows and screams.  The monster went outside pretending he needed something from the cellar.  Then the screams and meows increased.  The door slammed.  The meows stopped.  I instinctively knew what happened.

I started crying trying to wash the dishes.  As the monster stepped back inside, I was told to grow up and not be a cry baby.  I was told that it was a mistake.  I was given a half fake explanation as to what happened backed up by the monster's lover.

No more did little smokey get to play and listen to me sing.  No more did the Charcoal and the little kittens have a chance at a life.  No more were my new little friends to be around me.

So, when my cats did something wrong, I would be frightened that they would be killed too.  The monster was merciless.  He didn't care.  In fact, the more the kittens showed me they loved me, the more likely it was that he would take them away.

Hoped the monster didn't find out...

I cringed when they did something wrong for I had to hide it and hope the monster didn't find out.  Hardly was I ever successful.  I often failed the cats and pets.

As a kid I watched the movie, The Planet Of the Apes.  It scared the daylights out of me.  However, I found myself hoping and dreaming that the cats and dogs of this world would rise up and rule the humans.  I wished and hoped and prayed that they would claw the eyes of the humans out and cause as much pain and harm to them as they did my own pets.

It never happened.  I still live with those sounds.  I still live with those images.  I cannot erase them from my mind.  They haunt me with every breath I take.

Today, I got triggered.  Today, the trigger got the best of me.  It turned into anger and a rage directed at no one, but at everyone.  Today, I failed once again.

I know one thing, if anyone ever tries to harm my pets, they or I will most likely not be alive.  I will not allow anyone to harm them.  They mean more to me than my own life.  Animals rank higher in life than my own self.  They always have.

I can still hear their screams.

I wish I could have protected them.

I wish I would not have failed so many times.

#Triggers

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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Loss In Life Is Difficult

We all experience it at one time in our life or another.  Loss in life is difficult no matter how you see it or think about it or believe in it.  It rips your guts out and leaves you splattered on the ground as if you have nothing left within you.

Loss grabs us by the throat and chokes us with unsaid things that we wish would could say.  It keeps us from knowing what to say and how to say it and if there is anything that can be said.

Loss humiliates us because we always think we are strong enough, but in the face of loss we feel inadequate beyond measure.  We feel like there is not enough and we'll never make it through this moment we are in.

When we go through loss, the pain of the moment engulfs us.  It hobbles us as we try to move around and function in our day.  It steals every last ounce of energy we have, leaving us as a limp piece of human flesh on the ground.

Loss makes us question everything.  It stuns us and shocks us and angers us.  It makes us sad.  It makes us want to fight but we feel powerless to determine who the enemy is.  We only know that it takes all sense of humanness from us.

Nothing that will calm the seas...

Loss leaves us wanting to blame someone or others or something that happened.  It wants to find the way to right the ship, even though there is nothing that will calm the seas.

Loss is a part of life as screwed up as that may seem in the moment.  Loss is one of those moments where everything else in life that we thought mattered pales in comparison to what truly does.

It is in those final moments before we encounter a loss in life that we feel like we never had that one last moment, the one last push, or the ability to change what happened.  It was taken before we had a chance to stop it, even if we could not have stopped it.

Loss is the moment where we lose control and we question all that is good and just and bad and honorable.  It is the point where we begin to wonder if control is just a mad and crazy friend who we want to ditch.

It takes time...

Loss can be a new beginning, but it takes time.  Loss can be a step forward, but in the midst of that moment, it hurts more than anything in the world.  It seems helpless and hopeless and endless.  It feels as if there is no tomorrow.

How we get through loss in our life is our own path.  No one can dictate how it should go or how quickly it should unfold.  Often we are lost in a fog of blindness not knowing where the path of comfort and healing leads.

It is up to us to keep going and hold our head high even when the weight of the loss is as heavy as it gets.  It is up to us to keep moving forward, not giving up and not giving into the fears and pain and anger of the moment.

If we use the fear and pain and anger of this moment, we will be able to heal from what we have lost.  It may not be easy and it may seem like it takes forever, but these things are what will transform our life into more than we can know.

Loss is part of life.  Life is part of loss.  We must embrace both to live as humans in this world.

#LosingSomone

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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The Aftermath Of Flashback Memories

I have been struggling lately.  When those flashback memories surface, it is all I can do to hang on.  The aftermath of these can make life pretty rough and some days, it gets rougher than I can even imagine.

Flashback memories are not fun.  If you've been through traumatic experiences, war, torture or child sexual abuse, you know full well just how tough this can get.  They will about take you under and leave you huddle in a corner begging for mercy.

I've been through more than my share of trauma and child abuse and torture in life.  I'm not sure how I survived.  Most days I do pretty well as I've spent considerable work to try and heal my life from all that I endured.  Most days go by and I'm fine, but lately it has been anything but normal.

Last week, I finally sat down and tried to write about what was going on.  My intent was to publish it, but at this moment, I cannot bring myself to do it.  In fact, I had not read what I had written until yesterday and it was too much. It was too intense.  It about took me under.

I could feel the anger...

I could feel the anger and heat and anxiety rise within me.  I could feel the shame and despair.  I was angry, but hurt.  I wanted to cry, but felt too weak.  I finally shared it with someone I trust but even that was almost too much.

For now, it is shelved and filed.  I'm not sure I want anyone to read it at this moment.  I feel horrified and embarrassed at something that happened to me a long time ago.  For now, it will remain hidden.  I just can't bring myself to share it with anyone.

Struggled with pain in my back...

This morning and last night, I struggled with pain in my upper back, shoulder and neck.  I felt it and I know its connected to what I wrote.  It feels like a big keg of dynamite sitting in my shoulder, neck and arm full of emotional anger.  It feels like I could just break down and cry, but I can't.  It feels like I could punch my hand through someone, but I won't.  It's like dynamite, ready to explode.

Yes, I'll go get some healing bodywork done on me to release it, but right at this moment, the physical pain is intense.  I feel such a sadness to what I experience.  I feel like a thousand years of emotional pain is built up inside.

If this one area of my body could completely heal from all the physical flashback memories, life would be so much different.  Yet, it took me many years for this flashback memory to surface.  It is not an overnight - forgive and let go process like too many make it out to be.

My body has been through a lot.  How I've survived all these years, I'll never know.  I've made it and as one person told me, I turned out pretty good.  Not all have that same good fortune.  Some never make it.  Some get pulled under.

Flashback memories are hell to live through and they keep the suffering going for a long time after the event happened.  Thankfully, I've found someone and a form of bodywork called "Unified Therapy" with Dr. Paul Canali that has helped me find greater peace with my past and my body.  It is still an ongoing process and one that has gotten better.  Unfortunately in times like this, it tries to take me down.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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The Shock Of The Orlando Massacre

I'm numb.  I can't focus.  I want to cry.  I do cry. I can't cry enough.  My heart aches for all those in this horrible massacre.

I'm afraid to go out.  I'm afraid that others might think I'm gay and shoot me.  I want to hide.  I want to sleep.  My heart aches for all those in this horrible Orlando Massacre. 

How do I make sense of this?  One individual wants me to blame a group of people.  Another individual says, "no, blame this!"  Yet, others are quick to tweet and judge and pronounce condemnation on the world, on a country, on religion, on gays or whatever else they think it is.  They are all experts of course, in their own minds.  Yet, their logic has hid under a rock.

Everyone wants to help, donate, make a difference - and that is good.  Yet, no act you can do seems like it is enough.  No amount of money can make up for the pain you feel watching all those who went through things that are hard to imagine.

We become angry...

We become angry at the shooter.  We become angry at those who minimize, or we blame the ones that are suffering.  What kind of God delights in punishing a group of people in this way, as some off-balance religious people would say?  I'm not going to give them their self-gratifying sense of ego by glorifying the name of these religious zealots. 

We blame ourselves.  We blame everyone.  Yet, blame is never enough.  Yet, blame will never heal, but we have more than plenty of it.

We cry out for change...

We cry out and hope for change, but yet we do nothing.  We cry out that things must change, but they seldom do.  We cry out for the our friends we will never see again, but yet it feels like the forces against making this right are more concerned with lining their pockets with cash, than they are about making something happen.

We go through our day as zombies, thinking about all those lives which were taken in a second;  the remaining tweets, the last videos and the last voicemails.  That is all that's left - beside our memories.  They were our sons, daughters, lovers, partners, husbands, wives, friends, brothers, sisters, mothers and fathers.  They are now gone. Nothing will bring them back. 

What's next?

What's next?  No one can say!  Where do we go from here?  No one knows.  How do we begin to heal?  That is difficult question to answer.

The foundation for many gays has been shaken in the shock of a massacre.  Is it safe for gays to live in this world or will others be killed just for being who they are?  The only crime these people committed was loving life and having fun while being themselves.  One hateful and judgmental ignorant fool made that determination because of his own beliefs and from that which he had been taught.   It almost looks like he did it to please his father but I could be wrong.  That's only speculation, not fact.

The shock of a massacre doesn't just go away.  It will be with the Orlando community for a long time.  It will permeate every area of life and become a hidden poison locked away in the minds and bodies of those left behind.  It is part of the LGBT legacy now.

Yes, we can and will find ways to heal, but it comes at a price.  It comes at a price that was too high.  The price is raised every time we hear the political grandstanding of the day.

Together we will make it...

Together is the way we will make it through this.  Together as we look out for one another and feel the love and companionship we all share, may our hearts not close with bitterness to all people.  May the pain we feel, not only be replaced with a new awareness of life, but motivate us to remember in ways we cannot imagine.  May those ways be positive for the world.

Let us not forget that this process will not end tomorrow.  It will not end next week.  It may never fully end, but in all things, let us remind ourselves that we have to take care of ourselves.  We have to reach out when we need to, because this pain is great and no one should have to bear it alone.

May this Orlando community become stronger and may we stand up against the hate and intolerance and religious judgmental fools of our day.

To leave everyone reading this with something that I find helpful to do, please read "The Importance Of Breathing" or click the image below.  It is something that we forget in times like these.

The Importance Of Breathing (click image)

Please feel free to leave your comments below if you want.  Keep them respectful as I do moderate all comments. 

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

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Anger As A Child Abuse Survivor

I feel very vulnerable when I write and share this.  After all, aren't I supposed to be healed because I'm a healer?  Aren't I supposed to be able to move past my anger if I'm a healer?  Unfortunately, anger from being a child abuse survivor is operating at peak performance.

I'm admitting it.  I have an anger problem, damn it!  I try to hide it.  I try not to show it.  Heck, for years I just stuffed it deep down inside.  It was much easier for me that way.

Anger was always taught to me from an explosive father that would yell, scream, abuse anyone close to him including my mom.  If there was anything near by he could pick up, he would use it to knock some sense into us.  I've been hit with boards, shovels, garden hoes and probably far more things than I can even remember.

It was the way I was taught about anger.  I was scared of anger and even beginning to show it.  As I went through therapy and healing, I started to be brave and let it out.  Unfortunately the flood gates opened and broke and now it seems like my angry outbursts show up all too often.

I'm trying.  I'm trying to get it under control and make sure it doesn't consume those around me.  Some days I do pretty well and other days I kind of suck at it.

I still struggle to find an effective way that helps me release it.  It feels like a pressure cooker inside of me that is going to go off no matter what I do.  Thinking happy thoughts, meditation, breathing - most of it doesn't work.

While I hate admitting it, I really want to unleash the anger on those that hurt me and despise me as a result.  I want to make them hurt as much as they made me hurt and I want them to feel the pain I still feel in my mind, my body and my daily life.

Why should they get a reprieve from it?  I hope they suffer for what they did to me.  I have no love for them and yet, I'm told time and time again that I need to forgive them.  Right - not easy!  I'm not sure if I want to forgive them because it feels like I'm letting them off the hook.  No way, no how do I want to do that.

At times I'm lost with this anger.  It took me years to get in touch with it and now I wish it wasn't there.  I'd like to think I could just hide it and say "serenity now" or some other foolish thing, but you know what - I could go and hold my head under water and expect to breathe as well.

I'm not one to do quick things of sugar coating something to make it appear as if it is over.  I either go full force and head into it completely, or I live with it until I'm ready to do this.  Yes, I'm hard headed but that trait got me walking again and functioning after dealing with Conversion Disorder.

There is so much anger in the world today and I can feel it.  It makes me angry and I can barely take that.  I wish I had a magic pill that truly worked.  I wish that I could just say it is so and it would help.  Unfortunately, I still haven't graduated from anger 101 in the school of life.

Each day though, I keep trying and each day, I hope it gets a little better.  Its what I have to hold on to in this moment.  It is hope!

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

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Emotional Scars Of Pain

Have you ever been through hell and back?  I'm sure you have and if you have, then you know what this is all about.  Emotional scars of pain cut deep.  They cut hard.  They have no concern how deep they cut.

Lately, I've experienced some pretty large emotional scars of pain.  I'm writing about it because this is the only way I know to work through the pain that runs deep.  There have been many moments lately that I didn't know if I could make it through this.  I've questioned everything in life severely with no stone left unturned.

Emotional scars of pain are hell.  They hurt.  They make you believe that you're nothing and you are never going to make it.  They take the essence of life from you as if you are gasping for breath.

Emotional scars of pain make me want to scream out in anger and hurt an anguish.  They make me want to see those that have hurt me, hurt in the same way that I do.  I lose all sense of humanity in these moments for the pain is so great.

Emotional scars of pain rob me of my essence and purpose and truth.  They rob me of the desire to go on and care about anyone.  They deplete my compassion for others.  I'm left raw in the face of these pains as if someone keeps taking a knife each day and slicing over the inflicted wound.

Somehow I hold on to the fact that this too shall pass, although it is hard to believe.  Somehow I hold on to the fact that I'm strong enough to make it, although I feel very weak.  Somehow I know that lashing out at those who hurt me will in no way help me is almost impossible for me to comprehend.

I will go on, somehow.  I will make it through this, somehow.  It will pass even if I can't see that in this moment, somehow.

The emotional scars of pain suck.  They are horrible.  Somehow, I will conquer and move forward.  Somehow, I will realize that the people who inflicted this poison upon me are no longer worthy to be in my life.  They add nothing that I need to go forward into my truth.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2/15/16 by Don Shetterly

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Should I Buy Unlimited Abundance Program

I get one question so often that I thought I would write about this.  Will the Unlimited Abundance Program work for me and should I buy it?  For each person, the answer will be different and I can't tell you what you should do.  This is something that you will need to decided for yourself.

However, I can share with you what it did for me and hopefully that will help you.  These are personal observations and changes and I'm trying to boil them down in an abbreviated form.

If you look at some of the links at the end of this blog post, you will see more of the journey that brought me to this point and my review of Unlimited Abundance.  I normally never push any products on anyone unless they are life changing to me and they have worked for me.  Yes, I am an affiliate for Mind Valley on this product, but I only joined up with them after I saw what it was doing for me.  What I state here is how it has impacted my life.  It is an honest review, not a cookie-cutter piece following a script.

5 ways Unlimited Abundance helped me

#1 - Reprogramming My Mind To Let Go

For most of my life I have hung on to so many things that I told myself were truths and yet they were big fat lies.  For instance, I have told myself, "I don't deserve abundance" or "I am not good enough for abundance".  It isn't easy to let go of these long held things that we tell to our self.    The program is helping me identify those blocks and then with Christie Marie Sheldon's system, it is helping me let go of them.

#2 - Helping Move Past Anger

I am realizing finally just how much anger I have held within my body for so many years.  Yes, the things that happened to me make me angry and it is right to feel all that.  However, the anger is eating me alive and preventing me from being all I can be and experiencing all that I can be.  The more I move through the anger and "Delete, Uncreate and Destory" all that is standing in my way of discovering myself, the more I am discovering it.

#3 - Blessings And Joy Everywhere

As I let go and I reprogram my mind, I'm seeing that everything around me is such joy and possibility.  I'm seeing what can be, not what is lacking.  I am seeing that the more I keep my heart and mind focused on joy and possibility, the more I am attracting a different set of events into my life.  Of course, I don't advocate acting a different way than you see things, but through the Unlimited Abundance Program, I am learning to sync up what I see with what I feel and it is more obvious how many blessings are in my life.

#4 - Taking Action

I can sit there all day long and do nothing, but still expect the world to unfold before me.  News flash - this doesn't get you very far.  It is what too many people do and I was one of those.  Christie Marie Sheldon in the Unlimited Abundance program talks about how we have to take massive action.  It is not enough to just set your intentions or make the statements.  You have to do something.  You have to take the steps.  I've seen this firsthand since I quit my job in August, when I took the leap of faith into massive action and it brought me to where I am now.  The more I take action, the more I begin to see doors open.  Doors have opened that I could not have imagined a few months ago.

#5 - Inspirational Stories

One of the things I've enjoyed about the Unlimited Abundance Live program is all the inspiring stories.  Sometimes it is easy to think that life won't change and you're stuck in this life you can't escape.  Seeing and reading the stories of what is happening for others propels me to moments that I too can do this.  It keeps me going.  It gives me courage and hope that where I am at right now, is not forced upon me.  It is my choice and I can make different choices for the days ahead.

Conclusion

There are so many other ways that this Unlimited Abundance Program is helping me and I've tried to detail my journey into the Unlimited Abundance Live program as I go.  If you check out My Abundance Journey, you will see how far I have come.  You will see my progress as I continue to move forward.

I know many people have asked me, "Should I buy the Unlimited Abundance Program?"  I can't make that call for  you, but I know it has greatly helped me.  I see it helping many others.  You need to make the decision for yourself, but if you need proof of what it does, study what I have written.

At first, I thought I was a little off my rocker for spending the money that I did on the Unlimited Abundance Live program, but let me tell you - I'M SO GLAD I DID!  It is really helping me especially since I quit my job.  It is keeping me focused and moving forward into the world I am now creating for myself.  As I look back at when I signed up for it, I'm happy that I did not let the price of it stop me.  I would have missed out on so much healing and growth for my life.

I started out with the Home Study Course and now I am currently enrolled in the Unlimited Abundance Live training group.  The LIVE experience only happens every now and then, but let me tell you it is awesome!

Further Reading

1)  My Abundance Journey  (on Somatosync.com)
2)  Blog Post on August 3, 2015 - Unlimited Abundance Live Event
3)  Does Christie Marie Sheldon Unlimited Abundance Program Work  (Mar 2, 2012)

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Blog Post And Images (c) 12/5/15 by Don Shetterly

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Making The Right Decision

I think we all struggle with knowing what to do at times in our life.  Making the right decision is difficult at best on small decisions and horrifying when the tough ones show up.  In fact, if you look at the different services offered in our world, you can see just how difficult it is to do.  People make careers out of helping others make the right decision.

People go to other people in hopes of these healers, psychics, ministers, politicians and authority telling them what they should do.  Of course, not everyone thinks they do this, but if you break it down to the pure essence of what happens, this is what takes place in my opinion.

It is difficult when making the right decision.  It is hard knowing what decision to make.  I get it.  I'm not much different I don't believe than anyone else out there alive in the world.  I have my struggles and my insecurities and fears just like the next guy.

Overwhelming Outbursts Of Anger

Its overwhelming.  It is difficult to say the least.  By the time anyone reads this, things will hopefully have changed, but I just want to write this.  I want to record what is going on in hopes that others will learn or feel like they are not all alone.

We all put a good front on to the world.  We make it look like everything is okay.  They don't often get to see the ugly side of us with the depression, anxiety, suicide attempts, and unleashed anger.  After all, our ego keeps us from displaying this side.

For me lately, the stress has been overwhelming.  The overwhelm is overwhelming.  I've been trying to get through the days, but I feel like I'm in a boat tossed in a stormy sea and have no way to steer or row out of it.

As a result, my angry outbursts have increased.  It gets so difficult that the only way I can even begin to deal with it is just scream, pound the desk, slam the doors and hit the walls.  Those in the house including the cats run for cover.  Of course, I'd never hurt anyone or any pet, but they have no desire to be close to me in those moments.

I'm So Angry

There are too many events as I write this over the past several months that really get to me.  I'm angry at so much that I think I could spit bullets out of my eyes.  While that may be a weird thought, it is how I feel in this moment.  I can't help it.  It is just what is.

Now, some may be rolling their eyes at me and some have already probably clicked close.  No one wants to read or hear about the rough times.  They want it all to just be peachy and happy and lucky and ducky.  Great...  if this is too much for you, please feel free to click close.  No harm in doing that and it won't shatter my world either.

The thing is, anger is a valid emotion.  Its a valid feeling.  You can't wish it away with your thoughts because it resides in the neural pathways of your mind and the cells of your body.  You might think you can just focus on changing your thoughts and it all goes away, but I'm sorry, I don't agree with your logic.

Have One Without The Other

I often hear people talk about opposite emotions and opposite reactions in life.  Often, people exclaim how wrong anger is or how they want to take away pain, or how they only have love.  While these are noble and honorable parts of life, I really don't agree that you can have one without the other.

After all, if there is not pain in life, could one experience pleasure?  If there was no anger in life, would we know what peace was?  If there was no hate, would we be able to identify love?  Could we be happy without knowing sadness or depression?

Maybe I'm being too simplistic, but in many ways if you you only have one side of the emotion, would you really recognize it?  I'm not so sure we would.  I believe it takes these other sides of life to bring about our awareness into what is possible.

I'm Tired Of Misery

What if for today only, I drew a line in the sand?  What if for today only, I said enough is enough?  I'm tired of misery.  I'm tired of the struggle.  What if for today I said, no more!

My body has struggled physically over the past few months.  I feel it through tension in my neck, my shoulders, my arms and sometimes my legs.  I feel it in pain that travels my body like a traveling circus.  I feel it in my emotions; ready to snap at others and feeling so full of anger and frustration.

What if for today, I said no to misery.  What if I began to change how I view the current situation I am in?  I really have nothing to lose because what I am doing at the current moment is not working.

Sometimes we just have to draw a line in the sand and so no more.  I'm tired of misery.  I know that isn't easy to do as I've been practicing misery my entire life.  The misery almost seems like a nagging friend that I do not want.

NO Place For Animal Abuse

One of the things I grew up with in my life as a kid was seeing just how animals were treated if they weren't 100% obedient.  Please note though that obedience may not mean what you think it was.  Of course, we as kids weren't treated any better.  Obedience meant you did whatever the "masters" wanted at any point in time, even if it meant one thing in one moment and something else in the next.

Time and time again I heard and witnessed the phrase "I'll Teach Them A Lesson" by members of my family.  In this post, I'm more speaking out for the animals.  If the dog or cats didn't do exactly what some member of the family thought they should do, they were disciplined and taught a lesson.

These lessons were taught in the way of the cats being hurled up into the air as they went sailing out the front door.  More severe lessons were taught by closing the cats in the basement door or drowning them in a river.    Of course there was the normal beatings that they would get in my house for just about anything.  A cat in my house didn't dare jump up on a table or counter.  That was like a major sin unto God.  Apparently God condoned this type of behavior in our house.

The dogs were not immune to the lessons either.  Shoes would be thrown at the dogs, or they would be held by the collar while they were beaten and kicked for whatever crime they committed.  Sometimes they would be locked up for a long time in the garage and tied to a chain to show them just who was boss.  Its important to note that we were not supposed to go out and see the dog until the imposed sentence was served.  I would sneak out and take the dog part of my meal and water.  Heck, the dogs would even be shot at as they ran down the road.  If all else failed, it was up to our father (the patriarch) of the family to have my younger brother go out and shoot his dog because he didn't like the dog.

We Need To Talk About Anger

Time and time again, I see things happening in our society that make me roll my eyes.  In fact, you could even say it makes my blood boil with anger.  Yet, that might be pushing the envelope of drama a little too much.  I have no desire to sensationalize such an important issue.  However, we need to talk about anger in our society!  We really do!

Anger is one of those things that we are taught from our early days as a child that it is not good.  If a little kid gets angry and attempt to show their anger, parents are quick to chastise and discipline the kid.  They quickly show the kid that anger is a BAD emotion.  If you don't believe me, put on your analytical hat and just watch the interactions of kids and their parents on this issue.  In fact, some form of discipline may be used to control the anger, thereby connecting the anger and physical punishment together forever in their life.

The church often teaches that anger is a bad emotion.  After all, God gets angry, but to most churches, while that is okay, it isn't good if us normal and regular people get angry.  If you even talk about being angry with God, you will quickly get shunned or counseled as to why this is inappropriate.  I remember one time someone coming down hard on me for being angry at God.  I looked at them and stated that if God wasn't big enough to handle me being angry, then he must not be as big of a God as you make him out to be!  Regardless, churches make anger out to be something equal to sin and something that must be avoided at all costs.  This leads people to bottle it up, rather than express it in a healthy way.

My Stroke Of Insight And Cognitive Loops In My Brain

Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor wrote an excellent book about her journey of recovery from a stroke.  She has wonderful insight into dealing with a stroke that applies to many aspects of life.  If you would like to read my review of this book, click this link.

When I become conscious of what cognitive loops my brain is running, I then focus on how these loops feel physiologically inside my body.  Do I feel alert?  Are my eyes dilated?   Is my breath deep or shallow?  Do I feel tightness in my chest?  Do I feel lightness in my head?  Is my stomach upset?  Do I feel antsy or anxious?  Are my legs jiggling?  Neuronal loops (circuits) of fear, anxiety or anger, can be triggered by all sorts of different stimulation.  But once triggered, these different emotions produce a predictable physiological response that you can train yourself to consciously observe. - Pg 151, My Stroke Of Insight by Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor