How I Handled Christmas In 10 Steps

I'm writing this a year in advance.  In fact, Christmas Day 2016, was just yesterday.  Things are beginning to get back to normal.  Email and social media feeds are starting to liven up again.  Trash pickup just went by trying to collect everyone's trash from yesterday.  So, yeah, Christmas is over once again.

However, I thought I would write this because someone asked me if I would do anything different the next year.  I had written earlier that I struggled to deal with the holidays.  I'm one of those where the hurt and pain shows up with the fun and presents.

Growing up, my mom did her best to really go all out celebrating Christmas on a shoestring budget.  Yes, we were envious of our friends who got a lot of presents, but my mom tried to make it special in other ways.  From decorating Christmas cookies, to the food and candy she would make and to just decorating the house, it became a special day.

Unfortunately, in the midst of all of it there was a lot of stuff that hit the fan.  There were many moments that are painful and in fact so painful, that I can't even talk about them yet.  I've done a tremendous amount of healing and forgiveness but the stuff is there in too great of quantities.

So, when Christmas comes - it isn't easy.  The turmoil that hits me emotionally and in my mind feels like 200 MACK trucks hitting me at about 100 mph every second of every day.  It isn't easy.  Lord knows I've tried to find ways to deal with it, but it just is not easy.  If you're like I am, than this isn't news to you.

Here's some of the things I did in 2016 and I'm writing this to my future self so I'll remember what worked and what helped.

1. We were able to take a trip for a few days leading up to Christmas.  In that final week before Christmas, I truly struggle, and so this helped keep my mind off of dwelling on it.
2. I tried to slow down for December.  Even half of my normal speed is almost too much.  A few things to do can quickly and easily overwhelm me.  So, it's best to slow it down a lot!
3. I made sure that anything I wanted to get done to celebrate Christmas was done by the middle of the month.  I knew that the last week or two, I just needed to coast through it.  Any more than that and it was too much.
4. I reached out to my partner and tried to explain things about what I needed.  He was very loving and compassionate and worked with me.
5. I reached out to friends, and they were a support during this time.  In fact, I tried to help be there for them, and I think it helped me in the long run.
6. I recognized that this was a tough time and tried hard not to beat myself up for it.  It is the way it is, and there is no sense in shaming myself into what my "surreal concept" should be for Christmas.
7. I tried to get in extra exercise and activity by walking and worked to not let myself isolate from others or the outdoors.  Fortunately, I live in a warm climate, but just being outside in nature and the sun helped me greatly.
8. I looked for ways to be creative, but not necessarily that I had to complete a project.  Creativity helps me deal with life and stress and the past.  If I embrace it, it helps me.
9. I would look for moments of quietness and stillness to just take care of myself.  I didn't do this to hide or isolate, but to just give myself a chance to breathe.
10. I worked to help connect with my mind and body through awareness and breathing so I could give myself a boost in energy to deal with all the pain I was facing.

For the most part, these things helped.  Yes, I did get depressed.  Yes, I struggled with anxiety.  I already try to stay out of the stores right around the holiday because people are usually rude and inconsiderate.  It takes very little to push me over the edge.

I do avoid any parties because I just don't do well at this time.  On Christmas, I stay away from family functions because it is just too much for me to sort out.  A good video and downtime from the computer are far more welcomed to me than having to negotiate family pain.

These things help.  I just know that it isn't an easy time and I've learned it is okay to be okay with that.  The "beautiful family gatherings" may exist out there, but I know many who struggle with the pain it brings.  If we honor and respect where we are, what we can do and that we have so much going for us, it can make the days go a little easier.

What do you do to help yourself handle Christmas?  Leave a reply and let me know.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 11/30/17 by Don Shetterly

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Healing Is Too Much Sometimes

Written By Don Shetterly

Many years ago, my former therapist shared something with me before the last session I had with her since I was moving.  She told me that many people just don't go far enough in therapy.  They stop after a few sessions and feel that is enough when in reality they need to go further.

I have seen this time and time again with myself and others, not only people I know but clients I have had.  It is just too darn easy to quit before you get to the point that you're healing those deep layers.

I know, it isn't easy healing.  I know, it isn't easy going through pains of life and uncovering them.  It is like a festered cut on your finger as you play in the salt mines.  There is just no way that is going to feel good. It reminds me of a story from my own experiences.

For awhile, I was working at a fertilizer plant.  It was easy to cut your finger, but because of the salt content, it was much harder to get your finger to heal.  The salt just kept the wound open, and it would burn when the salt touched the exposed area of the cut on my finger.  It wasn't until I was able to protect the cut or remove myself from this situation that it could finally heal.

Healing can be the same way.  Sometimes it just hits us and feels like the festered wound of a cut soaking in salt.  The thing is, if we continue to stay in that environment where we hunker down in the salt mines, we'll just keep causing more pain in life.

The layers of healing run deep.  They took a long time to build up and they are not going to disappear overnight or over a few therapy sessions.  We may trick ourselves into believing they will, but we will only be lying to ourselves.

When we experience things in life that are anything but good, we tend to bury them deep within our body and cells.  Every year that goes by, we pour another layer of cement on them.  After a time, the cement hardens and gets so thick that it becomes difficult at best, to get to them.

Yes, we can use a jackhammer and chip the layers of cement away, but the more years we have buried it, the deeper we must go.  Sometimes we get tired.  Sometimes ask ourselves, what is the use in continuing through healing?  Sometimes we think, this is more than I want to do and so we sit down to take a rest.  Just make sure, you don't sit there for a rest for the rest of your life.

Yes, healing is not easy.  There is a positive outcome as we get rid of the layers of past experiences we have endured.  Sometimes to heal, time is required.  It takes courage and determination.

Often it takes us saying that no matter what, we are not going to give up.  We're not going to let anything stop us.  Sometimes when we are at the point of saying "this is too much," it is then that we may just likely be on the edge of a major breakthrough.  We won't know unless we keep going.

I've had those moments where I said, "this is too much" and I wanted to stop.  In fact, there were times that I did stop.  Life had a way of getting my attention and getting back to the point of seeking help that I needed.  If I had listened to the parts of me that wanted to give up, I would have missed the breakthroughs in my healing.

Life is a journey.  Life is about going in and reclaiming parts where life hurt us.  Yes, healing is too much sometimes, but the alternative is to live a life of pain and heartbreak.

The alternative is to stay stuck in that which we so desperately want to let go.  Healing is about digging through the layers and finding who we are, not what we experienced and done to us.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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I Don't Stop Where I'm At

When my life stopped because I was paralyzed, I thought my entire world had ended.  I couldn't take care of myself.  I could not feed myself, not that I wanted food anyway.  Talking was almost impossible unless you count getting a word out every few minutes as normal.

I wanted to give up.  In fact, my body tried hard to give up.  I had seizures from the Conversion Disorder.  I struggled to keep myself awake.  The rest of the time I was either a zombie or asleep.  It was a terrifying ordeal considering the day before it started, I was up and running around just like everyone else.

In those days, there were no support groups to ask how to come out of this because the internet was barely a thing at the time.  It was in the early days of CompuServe and Prodigy and AOL.  It would be many years later before I would meet someone else with Conversion Disorder.

Of course, by this point in my life, I have healed so much and have been able to do much more than anyone ever thought I could.  In the early days, they didn't expect that I would make it, much less function normally and go back to work.  I proved them wrong.

I don't quit trying...

How did I prove them wrong?  I adopted the philosophy that I have always lived by in my life.  I don't stop where I'm at and I don't quit trying. 

I will turn my world upside down if I have to and I'll challenge anything that someone thinks is what I should believe.  I'm not one to just accept the situation I am in.  After all, when I was paralyzed, I didn't know if I would ever walk again at the time.

It took me saying I'm going to find my way through this while leaving no stone unturned.  I knew I had to keep looking for how to heal myself, because the doctors at the time didn't have a clue.  There was a way, but I had to let go of what I thought worked in my life to find out what did.

I had to let go...

I had to let go of everything that was my life up to that point.  I had to let go of what my family thought I should do and what friends thought I should do.  I had to walk over the edge of the cliff and take the leap so I could find the path before me.

By not stopping where I was and pushing into the unknown, I found my way through it, step by step.  I didn't hold on to labels.  I didn't hold on to the diagnosis.  I started to search for all that physically helped me and resonated with me.  I started to search for all that felt right, even if I could not see a difference in the early days.

I had to turn every stone over...

It was through letting go of all I was holding on to that I discovered the things that got me to walk again, talk again, and begin functioning in life once again.  None of it was easy.  None of it was immediate.  None of it was anything anyone could tell me to do.  I had to find the path forward and I had to turn over every stone until I saw where I could take a step.

Healing and experiences in life can be pretty daunting and challenging.  Sometimes they work hard to take us under.  As hard as it is to do, we do make the choices in how we proceed.  Many times, the choices seem limited and nonexistent, but they are there.  The process of finding them is where the healing begins.

I thought the odds of me recovering from what I went through were zero.  Yet, in the depths of despair and taking my last breaths, I decided in my mind that I was going to fight and come through this.  It was a difficult time and the choice to fight and find my way through was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

Don't stop where you're at.  Don't think this is the way things will always be.  There is far more than we are aware of in this one single moment of time.  I do not accept any condition I face now as if it is the way things are.  I've learned that I have to give that up in order to find myself.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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Are Humans Really That Hateful

I see a meanness online these days and it truly bothers me.  If you think I should not be bothered by it, then this blog post is not for you.  In fact, I just got called out for caring about what gets forced in front of our eyes every day.  You can't avoid it, unless you just don't go online.

I have to wonder though, are humans as hateful as they show online?  Do they really hate others as much as their words and actions show?  Or is there a major disconnect and the what people show online is different than they actually are?

My next question would lead me to authenticity.  If you can't be the same online that you are in person to your friends, coworkers and acquaintances, then which persona should we believe?  Who really are you?

I think this matters greatly because by treating each other with so much hatred while proclaiming we are great individuals, is extremely harmful to the world-at-large.  Words, actions, and thoughts do matter.  A thought born out of love can really help someone's day while thoughts born out of hate can really incite significant pain upon others.

We can't just sit back and hide our heads in the sand, because it truly matters.  How we treat others is propagated on to other people many times over.  It hurts.  It harms.  It keeps people hunkering down in their caves of anxiety and depression.

How we treat others is what helps this world advance or decline!  I'm sorry if that goes against your beliefs and opinions, but you can just take a look at humanity through the ages and see how true this is. 

The world is difficult enough on our good days and if we can't walk hand-in-hand together towards a better outcome, will this world even make it?  If we stand opposed and fight and nitpick and manipulate with our opinions and beliefs, may the world somehow survive because the odds are against it in this scenario.

Yes, it does matter if we truly understand whether humans are really that hateful with one another.  To ignore this, is being part of the problem that self-propagates throughout online social media.  We had better wake up before it is too late.  In this case, there will not be any do overs.

#Hate

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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In The Middle Of The Storm

Imagine you're in a ship on middle of the high seas.  The winds are blowing and the waves are high.  Yet, for as far as you can see, that's what you see.  That is your experience.  It doesn't feel like there are any calm waters anywhere close to you.  It doesn't feel like there is an end in sight.

Your entire world revolves around the storm on the high seas.  You're in the middle of it.  You're in the thick of it, but yet it feels normal.  It feels like what life is supposed to be.  It feels like there is nothing else.

You could also view the storm as the emotions and difficulties and trials and struggles.  They are in great supply as if they are never ending.  You may be struggling to see the sun rise and set because of the storm clouds gathered around you.

This can often feel like what life is all about in our day.  Our mind thinks one thing, but our body disconnects and numbs.  Our body thinks one thing but our mind stays a million miles away.  Nothing seems normal or connected.  Nothing seems like there is peace and calm deep within.  There is this never ending sense of this is life.

There might be something different...

As we heal, we begin to get a thought or a glimpse that there might be something different.  While that may be extremely difficult at first, it may be nothing more than a hope that we long for in our life.  It may be the peaceful calm waters after the storm.

At times, the storm clouds rage on and we beg for mercy.  We pray that we will be spared and the storms will end.  We hope to find something beyond where we are at - a moment of solace - a moment of peace or just a moment of rest.

A greater glimpse...

Continuing through our healing, we begin to get a greater glimpse that where our life is heading is possible.  It isn't just a hope but something of a reality.  It is little moments of seeing the sun break through the clouds.  It is an moments of easing from the rough waves.

As we continue in healing, more and more comes into view.  More calm waters show up in periods of rest and recharge and renewal.  We begin to see there's so much more.  We can almost touch it, feel it and sense it.  It may seem a little beyond our grasp, but we know it is there beckoning to have the courage to keep going.

It is in that moment that we understand where the potential lies.

As difficult as the emotional stuff may be, nothing is more difficult than being stuck

Yes, while we know that the storm clouds are not fun, we do know they lead to calmer waters.  We had to pass through the storm to find them.  We had to realize that the storms would lessen and even the horrifying trip through it, there was nothing more difficult than being stuck there and not sailing on.

So keep sailing.  Sail through the storm.  Know that the difficult emotional stuff is temporary and it too will pass if we don't stop sailing along in our life.  It is up to us to keep our sails pointed forward and then let the winds of life help us find our way.  

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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Becoming Conscious

Seeing the world through eyes that can never close is how we awaken.  It is how we become more conscious and alive in our life as humans.

When our eyes are closed, we are not seeing clearly as to everything that is happening in our life.

The bigger picture of illumination is when we see all that there is to see.

When we are open to life in a way that gives us a sense of purpose, it is then that we have found our self in this life.  We become a beacon of hope and possibility to our self and those around us.

Sometimes it is difficult for us to see something greater than ourselves.  At times, we are walking through the fire of life as we are being melted and molded into something new.  It is at these moments when we are morphing into something greater than we were before, giving us a new outlook on our life and existence.

Becoming conscious is a pattern of growth and awareness in our life.  It is one moment of awareness followed by another moment.  It is when we choose to open our eyes to all that there is in our life, not just that which we want to see.

Becoming conscious begins deep within our body as the process connects us to our mind.  It is the felt sense within our physical body where our mind discovers the spark of awareness.

As we become aware, so to do we find not only the life that was meant to be, but a life that shows us more than we realized was possible.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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Loss In Life Is Difficult

We all experience it at one time in our life or another.  Loss in life is difficult no matter how you see it or think about it or believe in it.  It rips your guts out and leaves you splattered on the ground as if you have nothing left within you.

Loss grabs us by the throat and chokes us with unsaid things that we wish would could say.  It keeps us from knowing what to say and how to say it and if there is anything that can be said.

Loss humiliates us because we always think we are strong enough, but in the face of loss we feel inadequate beyond measure.  We feel like there is not enough and we'll never make it through this moment we are in.

When we go through loss, the pain of the moment engulfs us.  It hobbles us as we try to move around and function in our day.  It steals every last ounce of energy we have, leaving us as a limp piece of human flesh on the ground.

Loss makes us question everything.  It stuns us and shocks us and angers us.  It makes us sad.  It makes us want to fight but we feel powerless to determine who the enemy is.  We only know that it takes all sense of humanness from us.

Nothing that will calm the seas...

Loss leaves us wanting to blame someone or others or something that happened.  It wants to find the way to right the ship, even though there is nothing that will calm the seas.

Loss is a part of life as screwed up as that may seem in the moment.  Loss is one of those moments where everything else in life that we thought mattered pales in comparison to what truly does.

It is in those final moments before we encounter a loss in life that we feel like we never had that one last moment, the one last push, or the ability to change what happened.  It was taken before we had a chance to stop it, even if we could not have stopped it.

Loss is the moment where we lose control and we question all that is good and just and bad and honorable.  It is the point where we begin to wonder if control is just a mad and crazy friend who we want to ditch.

It takes time...

Loss can be a new beginning, but it takes time.  Loss can be a step forward, but in the midst of that moment, it hurts more than anything in the world.  It seems helpless and hopeless and endless.  It feels as if there is no tomorrow.

How we get through loss in our life is our own path.  No one can dictate how it should go or how quickly it should unfold.  Often we are lost in a fog of blindness not knowing where the path of comfort and healing leads.

It is up to us to keep going and hold our head high even when the weight of the loss is as heavy as it gets.  It is up to us to keep moving forward, not giving up and not giving into the fears and pain and anger of the moment.

If we use the fear and pain and anger of this moment, we will be able to heal from what we have lost.  It may not be easy and it may seem like it takes forever, but these things are what will transform our life into more than we can know.

Loss is part of life.  Life is part of loss.  We must embrace both to live as humans in this world.

#LosingSomone

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

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How Did I Heal?

Sometimes we have no clue what to do to get out of the situation we are in, but sometimes that is where we need to be.  I know, I know, this may not sound like normal advice, but it has been true for me so many times in my past.  The more I fought the situation, the more I struggled to get out of it.

I didn't get anywhere in my healing by staying where I was and while it is easy to write these words now, it was anything but easy in that moment.  When I faced that moment of never walking again or functioning again from the paralysis brought on by a Conversion Disorder, I thought all was lost.

When I started dealing with the sexual abuse and nightmares, I thought all was lost.  In the early days of my own healing, there wasn't an internet full of support groups.  There were no readily available groups to be a part of or shows to watch.  I was pretty much on my own.

None of my healing was easy to come through.  No step was clear before I took it.  There was no way I understood my path forward or even that a path forward existed.  It felt like a fog of despair full of loneliness, depression and anxiety.  Actually in those days, I didn't even realize how depressed I was or how much anxiety I had.

The only thing that truly got me from point "A" to point "B" was that I kept trying to take a step.  I didn't know where to put my foot in taking the step, but I just lifted it up and set it down.  Often I could not even see where it would land, but as I set it down on the ground, everything became a little more clear.

Parts showed promise and parts wasted my time...

I worked at learning all I could and trying to identify everything around me that I could.  I saw something that looked like it might help and so I checked it out to see what it could do for me.  Some things worked and some didn't.  Parts of some of those things showed promise while others just wasted my time.

Most of the time I could not even see what was working and what was not.  I just went with how I felt and if there was even a momentary benefit to it.  If there was, I would see if I could repeat that and what it did for my mind and my body.   Sometimes I could isolate a part that was helping and then I would discard the parts that didn't help.

Sometimes we get hung up on needing to know the answers before we move forward that we ignore what is right before us.  It is too easy to shun that which is helpful because we are looking for that which fits into our view of what works or does not work.  As humans we tend to want to know everything before learning what we need to learn.  It is like a dog chasing his tail.

I always keep in my mind that if what I was doing up to the point of the paralysis of Conversion Disorder did not work, why should I continue to use that as a frame of reference for healing my life.  Often I needed to throw out all I knew so I could discover what it was that I didn't know.  Once I threw out what I thought I knew, it was then that I found the piece of my healing I so badly needed.

Healing isn't about repeating the steps of the past hoping for a different outcome.  It is more about throwing the past out with the weekly trash and stepping through with courage into the unknown.  It is in surrendering into the unknown that we will truly find the healing before us.  It is a process that we will most likely repeat and learn over and over again.

No, it isn't an easy process.  It takes a lot of work and often that work sucks big time!  There's no other way to state it.  To sit where you are and expect someone else to heal you will only keep you where you are.  There are many that can walk beside you and help steady you on your path, but it is up to you to step out with courage and surrender into the unknown of healing.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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Some Days I Suck At Life

I realize this isn't going to be a happy post and it could be depressing.  However, I just need to write about this subject.  There are days and times in life when I really feel like I suck at life.  Its just the way it is and no amount of happy thoughts will alter it at that point in time.

I feel like life sucks at times and no matter what, it is the way it is.  It is like I've got to endure this no matter what.  It is like, it isn't going to change no matter how hard I try or improve or work to make things different.  It feels like a life sentence.

Throughout my life I had to put up with trauma, abuse, torture, molestation, ridicule, emotional beatings, physical beatings, being abandoned, and being ostracized and brainwashed.  I could go on.  I could literally list the things I've been through ad nauseum, but it feels like someone is just out pounding the cement without a hammer.

I've dealt with tons of this and I've made considerable progress considering I was paralyzed from it in 1991 as a Conversion Disorder.  I have to give myself credit for how far I've come, but some days when it looks like life sucks, it feels like I'm just slipping down the steep side of a big mountain.

Lately, I've pulled back from everyone.  I got trampled on pretty hard and so right now, I'm stepped back away from people.  It was just too much to deal with and to be honest, if one more person shit on me right now, I don't think I could handle it at all.

It is what it is.  I feel like my life has gone haywire right now and I'm trying to get it back on track.  How I do that at the moment amounts to one step at a time.  I'm trying to find anything to focus on so I can at least grab the hand rails of life once again.

I know it will get better.  I know I've been through much worse and I survived.  It is just not easy at the moment because this reared up and slapped me hard.  I'm sure its another layer of healing, but one day, I hope to be able to say things have smoothed out.  I'm hoping for that soon!

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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Getting Rid Of Roadblocks In Life

One of the things that I have learned is that it isn't always easy to move past things in life.  Getting rid of roadblocks in life can be quite a challenge.  Of course, I'm not telling you anything you probably don't already know, but hopefully I'll share some things that have worked for me.

The roadblocks that stand in front of us in life are there to help us.  Really, I know - it probably doesn't feel that way, but its true.  The more we face, the more we see things differently in life and understand things that the average person does not.  Yet, I fully understand the frustration in dealing with all of this and wondering how to move past it.

When dealing with blocks in life, it is important to allow yourself to be there with them in peace.  As hard as it may be for you to be at one with them, the more you allow them to overpower you, the more power they hold over you.  The more power they hold over you, the more they rob you of precious strength to make the changes you need to in life.  Hence, allow yourself to be there with them in peace.

The blocks in life are going to come up at various points.  You can guarantee that they will show up.  It is up to each person individually as to what they do with theses things.  The part that will hold us down is the part where we give our power over to these moments.

Sliding Down Difficult Hills Of Life

Some days life reminds me of an experience I had when I was learning to drive on snow and ice.  It was many years ago now, but we had a small little 1980 Ford Pinto with tires that weren't so good.  On the way home from church, we got one of those unexpected snow and ice storms in Iowa, which was beginning to make the roads very slippery.

Leaving church, we went our regular 17 mile journey home.  Due to the road conditions, my father thought it was a good time for me to get some practice in on how to drive on snow and ice.  I was not very comfortable with this plan because of the hilly roads we had to take.  Yet, there was no way to say no to my father and get him to understand that this was probably not a good idea.

As we left Jefferson, Iowa, we crossed the bridge to the river and began heading up this steep incline and curvy road.  It was difficult enough to navigate when the road was normal, let alone when it was covered with a slick layer of snow, ice and slush.  My hands were glued to the steering wheel, my neck was as tense as could be as I began the journey up this hill.  I could barely breathe for fear of the steep drop off to one side.

Do Not Disturb

The past couple of weeks have been excruciatingly difficult.  It felt like I was getting smacked in the face with nonstop ocean waves.  You know, where just about everything that seems to take place is pushing you very hard in life.  I was getting so fed up with everything that had hit me and so tired of it.

By the time I got to this one particular day, I had enough and was in a cranky mood.  I didn't want to be around anyone and I didn't want to interact with anyone.  I just wanted to find my hole and crawl in it.  It was like I had a do not disturb sign on me.

From time to time, I get that way.  It is part of my nature and my sensitivity where everything gets to me.  What most people feel intensely, I feel that much more.  In fact, take the average person and what they feel intensely and then multiply that by a thousand.  You would then come close to what I experience.  I've gotten better at handling it and dealing with my sensitivity, but at times it throws me under the bus.  When that happens, just get out of my cave as I'm going in and putting the do not disturb sign up.

Finding Freedom In Difficult Circumstances

Finding Freedom In
Difficult Circumstances

It saddens me every time I see someone going through very difficult moments of their life.  I've been through those same moments and I know how others feel.  I know the despair, the frustration, and the anger at life when things just seem to go nowhere.  I know how difficult it is to keep going even in the midst of courage, optimism, and determination.

The only thing I take comfort in is knowing that I have learned so much through these times.  At the moment I was in these difficult circumstances, it was almost impossible for me to see that.  Through each difficult moment, I have grown and evolved into a better person than I was before.  In all reality, that is what these moments are here for.  They are here to teach us and help push us through the lessons of life that we need to learn and understand.  Without these moments, would we really move forward?

I see too many people giving the appearance of wanting to help others struggling through these moments, but they do it through the space of their own pain and suffering, rather than helping the individual see a bigger picture.  Often people resonate with what others are experiencing and because they have not fully dealt with the pain residing in their own life from these moments, they push the other person to just move on.  They don't want the other person to be in that space because it reminds them of something that is still so painful to them.

Difficult Moments Of Release In Life

Difficult Moments Of Release In
Life Consciousness

Sometimes when we release things in our life, it can get ugly.  While many may want to create a system of beliefs, practices and rituals around things you release, it all boils down to a normal biological part of our mind body connection.  It is more of a simple truth where the answers are within you, not somewhere else in the belief system of another person.

Humans don't like to suffer or go through experiences that aren't pleasant.  Humans would rather live life like a fairy tale where things are beautiful and happy while the big bad witch is kept in the dark evil forest.  After all, why not only see what looks pretty and great rather than connecting with something deep inside that appears ugly, unpleasant and sad.

If we look at the difficult moments in life that they are something to be despised, or something that indicates a malfunction in our life, than how much are we putting limits on our life?   Instead of these difficult moments in life being a malfunction, what if we viewed them as an opportunity of growth?  If we saw these things that we encounter as something that is a part of our life and a message to grow in awareness and understanding, would they still be a malfunction?

Math Is Hard - Part 3

Math Is Hard
Part 3

This is part 3 of a three part series.  Please read PART 1 first.

There is so much more I could write here, but to be honest trying to write any more on this blog post is just way to difficult.  It takes more than I can give at this point of myself.  I actually am trying to finish this almost a month later because it got too difficult.

The point I really want to make is that often when kids struggle in school, there are emotional reasons that many adults fail to focus on for the child.  They look at surface things and try things that do not go to the root of the problem.  I have read in various places that kids who were abused or traumatized often struggle in school.  Either they struggle to comprehend or become a perfectionist and chastise themselves for getting anything less than a perfect score. 

Trauma and abuse alter the brain.  When a child goes through events that cannot be comprehended, often the only choice the biological mind has, is to freeze in place or alter how it perceives the world around it.  Simple and normal development is arrested and while the body may continue to grow as the child gets older, the brain may still be frozen in a time of hidden secrets and horrors. 

Math Is Hard - Part 2

Math is Hard
Part 2

This is part 2 of a three part series.  Please read PART 1 first.

Once my parents found out, a school meeting was called and everyone was angry with each other.  I don't recall too much of it but the thing I do remember is in the middle of the semester, being told that I would be put back in Kindergarten so hopefully I could catch up.  It was a sinking feeling and one that I had no choice because the adults knew what was best.  No one really cared about the reason for my struggle with math.  I'm sure they all thought they were doing the right thing, but in all honesty, it did very little to address the problem.

So, when Christmas break was over, I went back to school.  This time though, instead of being with my friends and classmates, I was put back into Kindergarten with other children I barely knew.  I felt out of place.  I didn't really fit in and no one seemed to really care.  After all, you were just supposed to suck it up and move on in life.  I don't remember having many friends that year and it wasn't long before we moved to a new school in the fall.

Math Is Hard - Part 1

Math Is Hard
Part 1

For many people, the subject of math like algebra, trigonometry, and calculus, can be a nightmare.  It is too hard for some people and I happen to be in that category.  While I can do basic math and my mind can be very logical, these other subjects are like big monsters that haunt me.  I'm at a place in life where I can get by without knowing the advanced math, but I often wish it was not a mental block within my head.

You see, back in high school, I only took the required math classes I had to take.  When I went to college, I took the bare minimum to get by and graduate.  Math was hard for me.  High school algebra was to me, as difficult as trying to land a man on the moon.

Fortunately in high school, I had a wonderful math teacher who believed in me, more than I believed in myself.  Algebra was a daily struggle and even though parts of it made sense, my brain could not complete the string of thoughts in my brain to complete the calculations.  No matter how hard I tried and no matter what I did, it was hard.  I worked my tail off in every way possible to pass the class and learn the material.

Focused In Difficult Moments

Linville Falls, NC
Focused In Difficult Moments

This was a journal entry written around the time of the itchy rash that I recently went through.  While I have moved on from that moment and my hand is fully healed, I thought this was too good to not post up on the blog.  It depicts the difficult moments and the struggle to hang on, stay focused as our body heals.

Tough moment to stay focused.  It's so easy easy to lose site of the excitement of steps ahead.  Maintaining the gratitude and love for what is possible feels harder than expected.

I'm a tough cookie, but sometimes I struggle to find the energy to stay tough or full of courage and strength.  Finding the balance of just allowing life to unfold, but not giving into the forces that desire to see me fail is extremely delicate.


Each day I continue my steps forward.  Each day I fight the forces of fear that wage a war against me.  Some days I feel like I have advanced and other days it seems as if my communication with battlefield command is full of static.  
Regardless, I offer up all of these thoughts, words, and feelings of fear.  I send out love to these areas of my life so they may heal and grow.  I ask that my focus remain steadfast so that the winds of the moment not sway me from my path.  In the end, I will come to know that this too shall pass.

This Moment Now

Rainbow August 2011

In these difficult days throughout our world and our country, there are many seeking answers to life's problems.  Whether it is health, unlimited abundance or assistance in the direction to take, many feel lost, hopeless and full of despair.

While we can turn to others and various organizations for the truth we seek, we often find that we get nowhere.  So many of these places mean well and have great intentions, but they get lost in themselves and as a result, they cause their followers to wander aimlessly.

It is sad to watch people fall prey to these places, sometimes spending hundreds and thousands of hard earned dollars, only to be let down once again in life.  Of course, the people that fall prey to these places, also have a responsibility to think with eyes wide open, rather than closed.

Surviving Father's Day

To all the great, loving and wonderful fathers out there, I admire and am warmed by your presence in this world. There, I said that. I actually got that sentence out! It's a first in a very long time that I could write or say these words! Most of the time, what I would say on Father's Day, you really don't want to know! It wouldn't be appropriate for all ages.

For me, Father's Day is anything but wonderful. Except for my two cats, I'm not a father and I don't ever plan on being one. I really don't consider my cats my children anyway as I see them as equals, not subordinates.

For those that have read my book, "Hope And Possibility Through Trauma", you will already know that my father was more of a sperm donor than a father. He of course would differ with that opinion and feels he did nothing to harm me. I, on the other hand know the truth.

It is a difficult day for me and I know it is a difficult day for many others. I wish I could say differently but I can't if I am honest with myself and with life. I wish I could say that I still talked to my father and that we had a good relationship but the last time I spoke with him was around 1998. He's too toxic for me and there is no good purpose served for me to attempt to contact him. He made his own bed (no pun intended) and I have had to move on with my life.

While it is difficult for me to survive Father's Day, I am trying to be supportive and positive to those that have a father they love or miss or that may be a father to some wonderful children. If you fall into these categories, let me know that you are out there. You might help change my perception of what a father is, because in my case, the only one I knew, fell short.




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Blog Post & Images (c) 6/18/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
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