My Heart Goes Out

Written By Don Shetterly

There are so many things happening in our world today that some days I'm not sure how to respond.  I"m not sure I have the words or the actions or the thoughts to respond appropriately.  I feel lost in a tormented sea that we call life and humanity.  I feel lost in a never-ending cycle of hatred and disrespect.


I write to try and make sense of things.  I write to try to understand my own thoughts and not allow myself to get stuck in what is going on, but what can be.  It is the only way I know to move through the horrible trauma, stress, and difficult moments in life.

Natural Disasters...

My heart goes out to those impacted by natural disasters because I know from firsthand experience that it changes a life forever.  What you once held dear and steadfast no longer remains.  It shakes the foundation of all that you have come to know, but I know that you can rebuild and come back from it.  I'm not going to say it is easy, but I know it is possible.

Weeps For Hatred Upon Others...

My heart goes out to those who find a way to interject their hatred upon others through just about every story or event of our day.  My heart weeps for those that do this because it is not what humanity is about, or the display of what it means to be working together to advance life on this planet.  I weep for those that are impacted by this because the hatred (often disguised as love and truth) hurts each and every member of civilization.

For Those Who've Been Abused...

My heart goes out to all those that have been abused, and are struggling to find their way in the darkness.  Their footing may seem shaky, and the lights of their lantern may appear dim, but they are trying.  They are hurting, and my heart weeps for them.  I wish I could swallow them up with a giant hug of love and support and take the pain away.  I know though that healing is a part of their journey and so through the pain, they will find their way.

Those Who Are Not Awake...

My heart goes out to all those that are not awake, living outside of their body, or not connected to the real source of life within their existence.  There is so much more, but I understand how desensitized we can become, falling for the latest flashy thing of the day.  I realize how much humans minimize things and therefore diminish all parts of their life.  I know we can be more if we stop and connect with our mind and our body, not just one or the other.

I know of no other way to deal with things.  I know of no other way to help than by letting my heart be my guide.  My heart goes out.

Hopefully, we can begin to turn the tide of hatred and evil poison in this world by first making sure our hearts are pure and clean.  We need to love ourselves fully and begin to purge the toxic poisons that fill our mind and body.

Through loving ourselves and cleaning our own lives out, we can be there for others with a heart that is willing, ready and can help bring new possibility to difficult moments.  Let each of us, individually, focus on lifting the world up, not dragging it down.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Avoidance Is Not Helpful

Written By Don Shetterly

This subject is one I still haven't fully learned.  Maybe it is because it is a human condition that we employ when things get a little too tough.  Avoidance is one of my go-to-coping skills, but when I avoid things, I tend to make them worse.  It was my survival tactic growing up in a world full of trauma and abuse.


Take for example the recent tooth pain that I kept trying to mask and ignore.  I found ways to compensate for it that kept me disconnected from it.  I'm amazed at just how far I went so I didn't have to deal with it.  I avoided it instead, and by doing this, I've probably caused myself a lot more expense.

Avoidance is being employed by almost everyone at record setting paces these days.  Times are tough in life right now.  We are going through horrible moments as a civilization on this planet.  The atmosphere and energy all around are divisive and toxic.  Everywhere you look there is something that is upsetting.  Even if you try to distance yourself from all of it, the feeling of that toxic energy is still prevalent.

We Turn To Things That Distract Us...

To deal with it, we do as I did on the tooth pain.  We turn to things that distract us and keep us from dealing with reality.  We consume things to help give us comfort.  We act all happy and smiles when we're crumbling inside.  We put our attention on anything but the moment that is happening before us because it is just too difficult.

Avoidance can be good in the short term.  It may help you get from one moment to the next so you can deal with the issue.  However, when we continue to avoid the issues that are troubling, we only do harm to our body, mind, and spirit.  We take in the toxic poison as if it is our sustenance, thereby hurting us for years to come.

Avoidance brings us out of consciousness and awareness.  It puts us in the passenger seat instead of being in control of our life.  When we are out of control, the fear and panic and despair set in causing us further long term effects.

During these times of immense stress and toxic poisoning, we owe it to ourselves to reverse the course.  There are things we can do to help alleviate it and take care of ourselves, rather than just giving in to what is happening.

Here are some things that help in moments like this.

• Try spending some time outdoors listening to the birds and feeling the rays of the sun upon your face.  Try feeling the wind or breeze on your skin and just feel every bit of it that you can.  

• Trying focusing on your breathing for 30 seconds or a minute at various times during your day.  Connect and feel your breath.  This does not need to be elaborate and can be very simple. The act of stopping and noticing your breath can be very centering and be grounding in your body.

• Learn to disengage from the toxic conversations occurring online for they are not as helpful as they may seem.  They get the body and mind all revved up as if you are going into battle.  Online conversations do little but fuel the fire and hatred that is so prevalent in our society these days.  If you disengage, you are stating to yourself that you are valuable and worth more.

• Learn to shut off the TV because the news is not enlightening as you may think.  The videos and sounds and opinions stated are meant to engage you into an emotional reaction.  The more you keep your emotions wound up to the max, the less you are connected to your body.  In time, it leads to avoidance of your mind and body.

We all have choices we make.  We may or may not be conscious and aware of them, but we make these decisions every day.  Either we employ avoidance, or we stand up and choose differently what we engage with in a day and all that we take in with each moment we are alive.

You don't' have to hide your head in the sand to what is going on, but a fraction of the toxic poisoning these days is more than enough.  It may help to picture yourself drinking a glass of toxic poisoning each time you engage with what is going on in the world.  However, before long the effects of the poisoning would be felt.

If we want to change the world, we need to stop avoiding life and learn how to give our mind and body a choice of rest and peace, comfort, and love.  We need to choose wisely because if we don't, we will pass the point of no return, and then it will be difficult to find our balance.

What are some ways you avoid difficult things in life?  What do you do to deal with them?  Share your thoughts in a comment below.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Is Anxiety Impacting How You Think?

(by Survive, Thrive And Conquer, Matt)

Every Sunday morning, I do a weekly reading on my Periscope channel. We interactively read through a book, and discuss how we can relate it to our lives. These are of course books to help us in everyday life, whether we are an abuse survivor or not.

I thought I might take this column here that Don has so graciously given me on his blog, and start a monthly series on a topic that millions of us struggle with. Anxiety!

Just the thought of Anxiety can make the hair on the back of your neck stand up, send shivers down your spine, and pretty much make us as uncomfortable as possible. Which is precisely what Anxiety lives for, making us uncomfortable and being stuck.

Let’s chat for a bit about Black and White thinking, or in other words, thinking in extremes.  Is anxiety impacting how you think?

Anxiety loves it when we live in these extreme thoughts. Everything is either completely one way or completely the other way. This is just the type of mindset that promotes self-shame, and keeps us from loving ourselves, and embracing all the good that we are.

Healing happens in the gray area...

There’s a concept that is important to embrace as abuse survivors, “healing happens in the scary middle”, the gray area. That’s where loving ourselves happens too. That middle or gray area where we accept ourselves, flaws and all, and stop trying to figure everything and everybody else, out.

• Stop beating ourselves up because we didn’t get that promotion.
• Stop thinking that we are doomed to a life of solitude and misery because we went through a divorce.
• Don’t beat ourselves up because somebody was rude to us, and it must be our fault. We must have done something wrong.
• If our children make a poor decision as a teenager, it doesn’t mean that we are a terrible parent.

I’m sure you can think of countless situations in life, recent or past, where you blamed yourself for something that wasn’t your fault. That extreme thinking of, “there’s no logical explanation other than I must have done something wrong”, is unbelievably toxic to our self-esteem.

Anxiety loves this, because Anxiety itself is toxic. It uses every trick in the book to make us feel like we have to be at fault, we are broken, we make all the wrong decisions, we are unlovable, etc. Then it feeds on that and just keeps growing and growing until we finally say, enough is enough.

There’s a thousand and one reasons why people are the way that they are, and every day circumstances can change how we react to a given situation. Life is fluid, it’s always changing. Think of this example:

Your coworker, who is normally easy going, talkative, friendly, and helpful suddenly snaps at you out of the blue.  You’ve never known them to act this way, but for some reason today they jumped down your throat when you came to ask them a work-related question.

Many times, our default reaction is, “well I must have done something to them”. Then we start to worry about what we did, why we did it, and how we can fix it…and we don’t even know what “it” is, but it must our fault.

Anxiety is just loving life at that moment, because we spend the rest of the day questioning ourselves and beating ourselves up for something we can’t control.

Once again, there are countless reasons why your co-worker snapped and very few, if any, have anything to do with you. Yet we are so used to blaming ourselves, that it’s just a default response.

Living in extremes, thinking we must be to blame and that we are always the reason for someone’s else’s actions is so self-defeating and just continues to give Anxiety power.

If there’s one lesson that can be very hard to learn, but so yet so important, is that we can’t control anyone else’s actions. You’ll never be at peace by trying to please someone else or fix something. Nor will you be at peace in trying to figure out someone else’s intentions.

All you end up doing is blaming yourself, shaming yourself, and living in the extreme world of you being all wrong, all the time.

That my friends, is no way to live.

I encourage you, to step back, look at a situation from a high level, rational mind point of view. Doing that gives you perspective on what is really going on, not what Anxiety tries to make you think is going on.

If you would like to join Matt on this chat, just watch for his announcement around 10:30am on Sunday mornings.  @SurvivingMyPast

-Matt (SurvivingMyPast.net)



 

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Matt is a regular columnist on Mind Body Thoughts.  He writes Survive, Thrive and Conquer monthly column.  This article is written by Matt.

To learn more about him and see all his other articles, go to Matt's Page, Survive, Thrive And Conquer.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly and Matt

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Saying It Does Not Make It True

My eyes are doing the eye roll.  You know, when you read something and it makes your head spin around a few times too many.  I try hard to practice what I preach and I probably fail sometimes just like others.

Reading on the social media feed, I saw someone share things about listening to others and respecting them.  I saw how they posted stuff that said actions speak louder than words.  By that point, I was thinking - wow, someone else that sees this part of life.  And then, it happened....

Yep, I began to read more of what they posted online in their social media account.  Do I really need to say what I saw?  Yep, it was more of the stuff that you would see just about anywhere on social media.  It was the stuff they were rallying against.  They were doing exactly what they were so against.

Everyone tells others what to do...

It seems like in these days, everyone tells others what they should do and how they should think, but it is meant for those that don't see things in life the way they do.  It is meant more as a whipping belt than as something that is truly good for not only everyone else, but for them!

I don't care what side of the political isle you are on or if you are religious or not, we as humans love to beat one another up every day.  The rhetoric that is being spewed on the internet is so toxic, that poisonous words are looking for safer waters.

It is hard to read anything online these days and it is just not politics.  Someone can post a pretty picture online or a nice video, and some will love it and others will degrade it.  The comments will get so divisive and hurtful, that it makes my head spin.

Do we not have an ounce of love...

I wonder if humans just hate everyone and anyone these days.  Do we not have one ounce of love in our life, or are we just out for our thoughts, beliefs and life as we see it?  It sure doesn't feel like anyone out there that claims they have love, knows how to practice it or put it in action.

In my own family, I see my holier-than-thou brother and his friends that say they preach love, but their actions are anything but this.  What you see them say and share on their social media feeds shows anything but love.  Yet, they use the "love they preach" as a bully stick to beat you into submission of what they perceive to be truth.

Love is absent in social media...

I'm so saddened by what I see playing out in social media and the news these days.  There is nothing wholesome about it.  There is nothing human about it.  It is pure poison and toxicity.  Love is absent.

It isn't the enemies that we cannot see which are the most evil in our world.  It is how we treat one another and how much hatred we harbor for one another that allows evil to thrive and grow.

It is in how we have lost the love in our own heart, that we allow the ego to rule our thoughts, words, and actions as if they are somehow virtuous.  Even though we proclaim our actions are right and justified, we fail to see that love is being abolished every minute we take a breath.

If we want the world to change and if we want others to change, this change needs to start within us.  We need to connect with love, rather than hate if we want others to love us.  We need to connect with understanding, if we want others to understand us.

All the screaming and toxic words being hurled in social media or in the world will never convince anyone that their motives and actions are born out of love.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Stress Overload Video

This video is of a day long past now, but what I was going through at the time with headaches and back pain from exhaustion in my life.  A job that I loved, had turned toxic and it was slowly killing me.  Much has now changed in my life, but at the time I recorded this, I could barely keep myself awake in the day, let alone accomplish anything.  My doctor put me on a medical leave of absence and I once again began to find myself.  My body and mind were overwhelmed by stress and I had to stop and rest.  There was no going on until I did.

 YouTube Video:  Stress Overload - Pain And Headaches

Toxic Vegetables For Sale

As I saw the sign above the produce, I gasped with frustration and anger.  After all I was shopping for some healthy vegetables in Publix.  When I looked up, I was greeted with a sign that said, "these fruits and vegetables are coated with Food-Grade Vegetable Petroleum Beeswax and/or Lac Resin-Based Wax or Resin".

Oh, so delicious!  Give me some more of that stuff.  I like eating unnatural stuff on the healthy vegetables that the earth provides.  Yes, I love "petroleum" based products on my nice raw vegetables.  After all, that's the way they were created on earth to be consumed.  I'm sure they come out of the ground that way.

I know, I know, the reason for this is to help the shelf life.  I know, I know, these products have all been tested on lab rats to be 100% safe or that's what they tell us at least.  Poor rats!  I'm sure the food companies all have our best interests in mind when they add this stuff and they would never dare do something that would harm us.  The food companies would never do that to us.  Excuse me for a moment.... cough,,   cough,,,  sputter....

Is Sugar Toxic?

In an episode of 60 Minutes, Dr. Sanjay Gupta did a special that I found to be very interesting.  The topic of this episode was, Is sugar toxic?  I found this some time ago and it was very profound in my view.  While I personally have tried to reduce sugar intake and most likely consume far less than many people, it is something I struggle with in my diet.  Sugar tastes so good and it is addictive.  If you combine the addictiveness of it with emotional turmoil, it can really increase your desire and consumption in my life.

I personally never drink most sugared drinks.  If I go to a restaurant, I may have soft drinks, but I limit how much I drink.   The remainder of the time I drink water.   We don't have sugar or sweetened drinks in our house.  Most of the time I try to cut down on sugar in every way possible and in fact also we read the labels of the stuff we buy to determine just how much sugar is in a product.  It will surprise you at how many things you buy in the store that have large amounts of sugar in them.  In fact, you will be surprised at some of the stuff that has sugar added into it.

Surviving Father's Day

To all the great, loving and wonderful fathers out there, I admire and am warmed by your presence in this world. There, I said that. I actually got that sentence out! It's a first in a very long time that I could write or say these words! Most of the time, what I would say on Father's Day, you really don't want to know! It wouldn't be appropriate for all ages.

For me, Father's Day is anything but wonderful. Except for my two cats, I'm not a father and I don't ever plan on being one. I really don't consider my cats my children anyway as I see them as equals, not subordinates.

For those that have read my book, "Hope And Possibility Through Trauma", you will already know that my father was more of a sperm donor than a father. He of course would differ with that opinion and feels he did nothing to harm me. I, on the other hand know the truth.

It is a difficult day for me and I know it is a difficult day for many others. I wish I could say differently but I can't if I am honest with myself and with life. I wish I could say that I still talked to my father and that we had a good relationship but the last time I spoke with him was around 1998. He's too toxic for me and there is no good purpose served for me to attempt to contact him. He made his own bed (no pun intended) and I have had to move on with my life.

While it is difficult for me to survive Father's Day, I am trying to be supportive and positive to those that have a father they love or miss or that may be a father to some wonderful children. If you fall into these categories, let me know that you are out there. You might help change my perception of what a father is, because in my case, the only one I knew, fell short.




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Blog Post & Images (c) 6/18/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

If any part of this post is used or shared, a link back to this site is required.
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Toxic Products We Consume

In a recent published article on CNN (May 31, 2010 by David S. Martin), 5 toxics that are everywhere - protect yourself, some excellent information was given. Click on the previous link to read the entire article and help to inform yourself. In this blog post, I'm only going to highlight various points that were made so make sure you check out the entire article for the full scoop. The author of this article did some excellent research and I'm glad to see this information being written about! He gets a big thumbs up from me for what he wrote!

Through products that we use and are around on a daily basis, we encounter all of these toxic substances. From plastic bottles, storage containers, cookware and appliances to carpet, furniture, electronics and fabrics, almost every house contains at least one of these toxic substances. The article noted as well that many of these substances did not exist a century ago.

If you want to know more about many other substances in our homes, please check out Karen Logan's book, "Clean House, Clean Planet". She gives a tremendous amount of details about toxic substances that will really open your eyes. I have read and used her book in our home and we continue to rid our home of toxic cleaning supplies. Most of these substances that are toxic are really not needed but somehow in our society and culture, we have become convinced that they are.

Here are a few substances stated in the article.

1) BPA - Bisphenol A

What Is It?
Building block of polycarbonate in plastics and is used in epoxy resins

Found Where?
Water bottles, baby bottles, reusable storage containers, food cans and electronics

Exposure:
Center for Disease Control and Prevention found BPA in the urine of 93% of people tested

Health Affects:
American Chemistry Council says there are no ill health affects. A new study of Chinese factory workers with high BPA exposure showed signs of reduced male sexual function. Other research suggests a potential cancer risk and may mimic the female hormone estrogen. It may disrupt the chemical signals that regulate the endocrine system.

Regulation:
The Environmental Protection Agency views this as a "chemical of concern" but allows BPA in flexible food packaging.

To Reduce Exposure
Use stainless steel bottles or glass storage containers. If the plastic container or bottle has a number 7 on it, assume it contains BPA unless it states otherwise. Limit usage of canned vegetables. Not microwaving or putting hot liquids in BPA containers.


2) Phthalates

What Is It?
These chemicals soften plastic and bind chemicals together

Found Where?
Shampoos, hair products, perfume, cologne, vinyl flooring, food packaging

Exposure:
Absorbed into our body through personal care products. Virtually everyone is exposed to phthalates.

Health Affects:
A recent study suggests a strong correlation between phthalates and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. They are considered to disrupt the endocrine system and alter male sexual development and reproduction.

Regulation:
The Environmental Protection Agency views this as a "chemical of concern" but allows BPA in flexible food packaging.

To Reduce Exposure
Avoid hair care and other personal care products that list fragrance as an ingredient


3) PFOA -- Perfluorooctanoic acid (also called C8)

What Is It?
Used to make Teflon and other nonstick, stain and water repellent products.

Found Where?
Cookware, water repellent clothing, furniture and carpets

Exposure:
By eating contaminated food cooked on nonstick pans and inhaling contaminated air.

Health Affects:
Almost everyone has PFOA in their blood. It does cause cancer in laboratory animals but according to the EPA, there is not enough research to claim it causes cancer in humans.

Regulation:
The Environmental Protection Agency views this as a "chemical of concern".

To Reduce Exposure
Use stainless steel or cast iron cookware. If using non stick software, do not overheat.


4) Formaldehyde
See Article: 5 Toxics That Are Everywhere


5) PBDEs - Polybrominated diphenyl ethers
See Article: 5 Toxics That Are Everywhere


For further reading, a website in promotion of these substances exists.

- For BPA, click here
- For Phthalates, click here
- For PFOA, click here


In the case of the websites about BPA and Phthalates, it is a little difficult to tell exactly who is behind it. It appears that it is the American Chemistry Council. While I cannot be 100% sure, I'm certain they have a vested interest in portraying this substance as a positive thing. Again, that is my guess and opinion. I do not know what interest they have in it. I'll let you decide that for yourself.

For the PFOA website mentioned above, that is put out by Dupont, makers of Teflon. Enough said in my view but again, please read and judge all information according to what is important to you and your life.

While I know people on both sides can quote study after study, I also know that many research studies are funded by the people who want certain things to be portrayed in a positive way. I'm smart enough to know that just because it is a research study, it doesn't mean what they claim it to mean. Statistics don't lie, but people sometimes twist statistics into results that favor one position over another while omitting results that are not necessarily favorable to their position. People influence research studies all the time. I'm not saying that these sites do this or does not do this. You have to be the judge of that and make those determinations for yourself. Just don't close your eyes and follow any of the information blindly.

It all comes down to adding all kinds of these "substances" whether you call them toxic or safe into our foods, our personal products and the environment around us. Do we really know what they will do? Do we really understand what life will be like in 100 or 200 years if we continue to use these products? Most likely, none of us know the answers to these questions. Am I stupid enough to think that Corporate America will never cut corners in personal safety to increase their bottom line?

I'm sure that anyone could refute any of these claims and provide the necessary feel good research or evidence one way or the other. Again, I'm suspicious of websites that don't clearly state who they are and why they devote the resources they do in promoting something that many have a legitimate concern about. Each of us have to make our own determinations as to what products we wish to use and the reasons we wish to use them. Arming yourself with as much information about the pros and cons of something is the best way you can go to make those determinations. Following a website or news report blindly, will not yield much of anything for your life except being misled and confused.


*For more articles, check out the Mind Body Thoughts Blog

Clean House, Clean Planet

One of the most used books in our house!

I heard about this book from a friend. When I began reading it, I learned a lot as to what was in a lot of the cleaners we bought from the store. Let me tell you - there's some highly toxic stuff in what you buy. And the other thing that really got my attention is that the packaging and water make up a significant portion of the price.

There are many different ideas of natural inexpensive items that you can use in your household cleaning and most of them are either simple to obtain or create. It isn't hard to do at all.

Did you know that you can use the juice from a squeezed lemon as an alternative to bleach in your laundry? I use it for my whites and it does an excellent job! That's cheap and it doesn't harm the world we live in.

And how about a quick, simple and cheap room air freshner for like the bathroom. I use a little open jar with baking soda and the peppermint essential oil. Works wonders for headaches (sniff the peppermint) as well if you have one but it keeps the bathroom smelling nice. And you just keep adding baking soda or essential oil to it when it needs freshened up! Baking soda is a natural substance so it doesn't harm the environment either.

I try to mix up my cleaners so that I don't have too much on hand but I've got enough that I'm not mixing it every time I clean the house.

Another thing that she talks about in the book is using "GOOD", "HIGH QUALITY" essential oils. Not the ones you buy in some local store that are on sale or are made with essential oils. I'm talking about good ones. Since I'm a Young Living Essential Oil distributor now, I buy all mine through them. You can not beat the quality and part of the quality is in how the essential oils are processed and harvested. If you want to know more, just email me on that. I use several but peppermint and lavender are my favorites along with Pine and Eucalyptus. It only takes a few drops because these things are concentrated.

Note:  I now use Ananda Essential Oils.  Better price, excellent quality and they are much nicer to do business with than Young Living.  Young Living screwed me over pretty good and never reconciled it with me.  Go to http://www.anandaapothecary.com/ and check this place out.  They are very nice people.

Here's another little tip I learned from the book and my own experience. I use Dr. Bronner's Sal Suds for my laundry, for general cleaning and for some of the cleaning recipies. It costs around $8 for a 32 oz bottle but it lasts a long time because it is so concentrated. I use less than a 1/4 cup for a load of laundry or when I mop our floors. The best thing about this stuff is that it washes out and doesn't cling to your clothes like regular detergent. It is natural substances so it is good for the environment. But the best part I like about it, is that it seems like our floors don't get as dirty as they once did. It is like the regular pine sol, spic and span cleaners almost attract dirt and this doesn't. I like that! Plus I add essential oil to the mop water and it leaves the house smelling so nice!

I'd tell you what I use to clean glass and windows which will amaze you because it is so cheap and readily available (no, not water and soap either). But I'll just tease you enough so that hopefully you'll read the book. *smile*

The book has so many recipes and ideas and tries to give you the ins and outs about each one. They are not hard to make and everything she has in the book is practical. It came out of what she used in her own house.

So check this book out (link is at the top of the page) and save some money on your cleaning supplies while you are more gentle on mother earth. She'll appreciate it to.

I'm not sure when the last time was we bought a commercial cleaner in the store. We just make our own now.