Touched By A Butterfly

Written By Don Shetterly

There I was, struggling with all that life had thrown at me that day. I had been triggered, derailed and was struggling to come up for air.  Yet, in the midst of all the turmoil, I was touched by a butterfly.  That moment did so much for me.

I was at the butterfly exhibition located at UCF in Gainesville.  While there were many butterflies flying around, there were also a lot of people.  It was very crowded.

Most of the time, you need to stand real still for a butterfly to land on you.  I think they sense your energy and stillness which determines if they land on your or not.  Because of all the activity, they were not landing on many people.

As I stood there trying to dodge people walking by, I noticed a beautiful orange butterfly land on my foot.  For a moment, he just hung out there.  So, I stood there as still as I could while enjoying the moment.  I had my phone on record.

As I stood there, the butterfly began to make his way up my leg.  I was not about to move as I was enjoying the experience.  The more I stood still, the higher he climbed.  He then got to my waistline near my shirt and stopped.

I was afraid to move for fear I would scare him away.  Butterflies mean so much to me and I did not want to interrupt what was happening.

Even with all the people milling about, he continued to stay attached to my upper leg.  He was not going anywhere.  I did not want him to leave.

So as I continued to take pictures around me and move around ever so gently, he hung on to my clothes.  For the better part of an hour, he stayed right there with me, never leaving or moving.  I got more comfortable and started walking around the exhibit more, but he stayed with me.

Finally, when it was getting late and I was ready to leave, I had one of the workers lift him from me.  The orange butterfly was so calm and relaxed.  It really struck me as odd that he did not want me to leave and I didn't want him to leave either.

Through the difficult moments I was experiencing, this little butterfly touched me deeply.  It was almost as if he was there letting me know that I was special to him.  He impacted my heart in a way that got through the pain.

I'll never forget the butterfly.  I love the creatures so much, but this one definitely stole my heart.  Realizing that they only live for a short time and what they go through to be born, I'm in awe of what he meant to me.

Sometimes in our deepest darkest moments of hurt, it is the little things that touch us the most.  These are the things that can reach through the pain and help us find a moment of support.  Yes, nature is one of the greatest gifts in life I believe.

Here's a little video of the butterfly (on my Instagram account) crawling up and hanging out with me.  Seeing the video brings tears to my eyes.  I know, you had to be there to experience it firsthand, but hopefully, my little story will help remind you of something important.  If you're down and hurting, connect with nature.  Nature has a way of healing our soul and our pain.

My life was forever changed that day when I was touched by a butterfly.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 1/1/18 by Don Shetterly

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Be A Positive Force In This World

Written By Don Shetterly

My heart is sad when it comes to the events going on across our country and the world.  This is not about politics, and if you think it is, you're sorely mistaken.  If you know me at all, you know that I do not subscribe to what the masses say on any level.

I see people that are so angry and so hurt.  I see people that are asleep and numb and disconnected.  I see individuals who view others as the enemy, not as humans walking this same planet.  It pains me.  It hurts me.  I weep, and yet my tears do no good.

There is far too much hate and too little love.  There is far too much judgment and too little understanding.  We stand opposed, rather than united to journey through our lives to discover more about who we are.

I'm perplexed because everyone points the fingers at each other.  We exclaim that we know what is best and all others are stupid, dumb, or irrelevant.  We fail to listen to each other while we scream how worthless all others are.

We hold out to the world just how enlightened we are and righteous and good.  We hold out to the world that we are superior and we know all.  We hold out to the world we are peace loving and conscious.  Yet, our actions contradict our every word.

If We Do Not Find Peace Within...

If we do not find peace within ourselves, we will not find it throughout the world.  If we do not learn to accept ourselves, the world will never accept us.  If we see others as stupid or idiotic or misguided and wrong, the rest of the world will see us in that way.

It does not matter what the world proclaims.  It matters more what you feel and think and believe on the inside.  If you want peace, it must first begin within you.  If you want love throughout the world, it must first begin within you.  If you want others to accept you as a valid human, you must first accept others in the same way.

We're at a crossroads I believe in humanity and either we keep heading down into the darkness of the world where there is no peace, or we rise above it all.  It is solely up to each one of us, but it isn't just words.  It is action that backs up our words.  It is action that shows what truly is in our mind, body, soul, and heart.

Let us be a force for positive change by changing our lives in a way that shows what love and peace are to the world.  This blog post is about taking a hard look at who we are as individuals and seeing what role we truly play in the world.

I implore you.  I beg you as the reader to help make a positive difference through taking stock of your own life.  I'm attempting to do the same.  Together we will make it further in this harsh world, rather than divided where we will not stand.

Let's stop pointing the fingers.  Let's cease to be part of the cycle of hate.  Instead, let our lives show love so brightly that it will take over the darkness.

I love this video because I believe it says so much.  It is Matisyahu singing and performing "One Day."  The words speak volumes.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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I Choose To Ignore

There is far too much going on in this world to worry about it all.  If you're not careful, you become wrapped up in other people's negativity and toxicity.  It will render you into a crying mess of an existence.

I choose to ignore it.  It is the best thing I can do for my own sanity.  Engaging with people that have no desire but to destroy themselves and others does absolutely no good for me.  It is unhealthy and if I'm not careful, it attempts to suck me down into the mud pit they are in.

I choose to ignore some of the most hateful comments and tweets and shares that I see.  For some are not up to the goal of being human.

I choose to ignore the ones that just try to bait you to get a rise out of you with their hurtful statements, thoughts, and language.

I choose to ignore the memes that provoke your compassionate side because someone needs attention and they get it by playing on your sensitivities.

I choose to ignore the people who think they are the experts and instead of being authentic, they show their own ignorance with a half-baked idea and plan.

I choose to ignore those that only see one side of an issue, not because they haven't seen more, but they choose to not see more.  Only one side is all they wish to see.

I choose to ignore those that seem to want to hurt others and that it is okay with them in how they do this.  They may think it is okay, but it does nothing to help a fellow traveler along in this world.

I choose to ignore being ignored by others because their life is too busy or they don't care or they just don't value my time as an individual.

I choose to ignore the hatred, the mean-spirited and the grandstanding in this world because it serves no purpose and the more I give it a container to grow in, the more I'm a part of its growth.

I choose to ignore the single focused obsession with only one view in life.  I know there is so much more and so it serves no benefit to me.

I choose to ignore the one side pitted against the other because instead of helping one another, we stand opposed which ultimately weakens all of us.

I choose to ignore those that preach love and acceptance and respect, but then go out and do just the opposite through their own words, actions, and thoughts.

I choose to ignore those that just try to get attention in any way possible and by doing so, they disrespect all those that need a little extra in a day.

At this moment, I'm not willing to engage with people in many of these things.  If someone is truly wanting to engage and try to understand, then I will be there with bells on.  However, I see far too much disrespect and hatred these days that I have no desire to be a part of in my life.

I see far too much fear and if fear is not harnessed and learned from, it becomes a poison that spreads to every member of society and every cell of the body.  When fear rules, we lessen the overall human experience and we degrade awareness and consciousness down into a nutrient-less bubble.

May we rise above and may we see more than the world we currently see.  We've got to be better than this as humans.  We've got to be better than this as a world.  For if we continue to stand opposed, we will never be able to stand up against the things that life brings into our view.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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Keeping Things To Yourself

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place on this blog post.  Lately, I've seen various situations in different people that they withhold information from their friends.  In each case, it is most likely stressful and frightening news, sometimes horrible news.  Yet, unless you're in on the "inside crowd", you have no idea what is going on.

In fact, I even saw one one individual tell a couple of people close to him that he wanted no sympathy and if there was any sympathy put forward, he would never talk to them again.

Unfortunately to the people close to him, it made them feel very awful and horrible and hurt.  They had compassion for him, but without being able to say anything, they had to be alone with their own pain over watching his condition.

For a long time, I thought that if I had a terminal illness, I would just not say anything.  Yet, I would be doing the same thing that these other friends are doing.  I would be slapping my friends in the face just so I didn't have to think about it.  It would be a big selfish thing that I did.

Yes, I know.  When people find out something is wrong with you they try and fix you, help you, or alleviate it.  More times than not, their actions and words cause more discomfort because people just fail miserably at being there for others.

Cause more discomfort...

I get that.  I know it isn't easy to know what to say in the most difficult of situations.  Often the person going through it is angry and that anger gets displaced upon the ones close to them.  Yet, in many ways, the people who have been there for you are cut off because you leave them out.  You ostracize them.

Maybe if it was me, I'd see this different.  I don't know.  It is hard to tell in that situation.  I just think that those who are going through an illness or life changing situation need to consider what their support network feels like if they are shoved out of the equation.

It does hurt.  It makes you feel like they do not value you at all.  It leaves you feeling rejected and despised. When someone is a friend and is hurting, you want to be there for them in all your awkwardness and mistakes with your compassion.

If it was you dying or having a serious medical condition, what do you think you would do?  Have you been in the situation where someone did this to you and how did that make you feel?  Leave a comment below with your thoughts.  I would love to hear them.

#Authentic

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

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Hurt The Ones You Love The Most

This is one of those things that I just thought was normal.  You see, when you've been through all kinds of childhood trauma, things that you go through just seem normal.  Often, you're not even aware that this isn't the way things work in life.  This topic is one of those moments.

I saw over and over how family members hurt one another.  It was common.  It was a standard practice.  It was as common as you, the reader, taking a breath every minute.  In fact, it was so normal to hear "we often hurt the ones you love" that I just thought hurting people was a daily practice that everyone did.

It gave you the license to beat your wife and your kids.  It gave you the license to molest and rape your children.  It gave you the license to treat those in the family any way you wanted because then you could just ask God to forgive you and claim, "we hurt the ones you love the most".

The empty explanation...

That was the explanation I would often get as my little body hurt from the pain of being beat or molested or raped.  That was the explanation I would see after the rage-filled screaming fits and beatings I would see inflicted on others in the family.  I learned to accept, "we hurt the ones you love the most" as something that took place in every family.

At the same time, I constantly heard that no matter what, family would always stick together.  Unlike strangers and outsiders, no one stood behind you like family did.  We needed to be proud of our family name and by god we would love one another no matter what.  Yes, but that included all the other stuff.

They ask God to forgive them...

It was probably more recently that I started to understand just how toxic and wrong this line of thinking is.  Having a friend monitor a family member, I could see this "we hurt the ones you love the most" statement play over and over again.  Then, they will go and ask God to forgive them.  Then, they will go and ask forgiveness of those they hurt, promising to never do it again.

Yep, its okay to beat your wife, your kids.  It's okay to molest and rape your kids.  It's okay because you can just wipe it away by asking forgiveness over and over and over again.  It resets everything according to those that inflict this pain, anger, and horror on others.

When I think of these moments that I've been through, I'm numb.  My mind and body want to disconnect.  I feel a sense of rage at those that did this stuff.  I struggle to make sense of it.

It's not right to inflict pain...

If you practice this "we hurt the ones you love the most" statement, then please stop everything today and go get the help you need.  This is not right.  It is not right to beat your wife or your kids.  It is not right to molest and rape them.  It is not right to watch them cower in the corner of the room hoping to escape the blows that were fast and furious.  It is not right to inflict the emotional pain upon them through the words you lash out against them.

You don't get to use the ask God to forgive you routine.  You may think it works.  Your friends may think it works.  Your church may think it works.  However, you don't get to use it.  After all, it means nothing because you'll go right back and do it all over again.  Maybe not the same day and maybe not the next day, but I'll put money on it that it will be in the same week.

It makes me sick to watch this unfold now and to know what we went through in the family.  I'm not proud of my family name.  In fact, I hate it.

Just know that if you love someone, you don't hurt them.  If you hurt them, it means you don't love them.  You can justify it all you want.  You can invoke God into it if you want, but it doesn't mean that you know the first thing about what true love is.  In fact, it means just the opposite.  So, quit trying to convince your friends, your church and those you harm that you're anything but hurt and evil and pain.

This post is written in memory of my mom for all she went through and for me attempting to take back my life from those who only saw me as someone they could harm through control, torture, and pain.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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Emotional Scars Of Pain

Have you ever been through hell and back?  I'm sure you have and if you have, then you know what this is all about.  Emotional scars of pain cut deep.  They cut hard.  They have no concern how deep they cut.

Lately, I've experienced some pretty large emotional scars of pain.  I'm writing about it because this is the only way I know to work through the pain that runs deep.  There have been many moments lately that I didn't know if I could make it through this.  I've questioned everything in life severely with no stone left unturned.

Emotional scars of pain are hell.  They hurt.  They make you believe that you're nothing and you are never going to make it.  They take the essence of life from you as if you are gasping for breath.

Emotional scars of pain make me want to scream out in anger and hurt an anguish.  They make me want to see those that have hurt me, hurt in the same way that I do.  I lose all sense of humanity in these moments for the pain is so great.

Emotional scars of pain rob me of my essence and purpose and truth.  They rob me of the desire to go on and care about anyone.  They deplete my compassion for others.  I'm left raw in the face of these pains as if someone keeps taking a knife each day and slicing over the inflicted wound.

Somehow I hold on to the fact that this too shall pass, although it is hard to believe.  Somehow I hold on to the fact that I'm strong enough to make it, although I feel very weak.  Somehow I know that lashing out at those who hurt me will in no way help me is almost impossible for me to comprehend.

I will go on, somehow.  I will make it through this, somehow.  It will pass even if I can't see that in this moment, somehow.

The emotional scars of pain suck.  They are horrible.  Somehow, I will conquer and move forward.  Somehow, I will realize that the people who inflicted this poison upon me are no longer worthy to be in my life.  They add nothing that I need to go forward into my truth.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2/15/16 by Don Shetterly

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The High And Mighty

Recently, I experienced something that was extremely hurtful and painful.  Someone that meant a lot to me and still does, got up on their high and mighty horse.  They fell off it as well, but hopefully they can find their way back up on a normal horse.

The thing is, I am one that tries to improve myself.  I work hard to push myself more than the day before.  Of course, I'm not always perfect either and in fact, I fail far more of the time then I get it right.  I don't stop.  I don't give up.

Now, I may struggle and I may squirm around during my days.  Things may appear that I have no clue what is going on or what I need to do.  In all reality, those are the moments, I'm beginning to formulate my thoughts and I don't hide all of this from anyone.

Some must not like to see that.  They get all high and mighty and proclaim they know all, see all, and are all wise.  They proclaim in passive aggressive ways that I know nothing and that I need to get on the ball.

It's sad really because if we as humans spent as much time working on ourselves as we did nitpicking other people, we would be some mighty awesome people.  We wouldn't be a judgmental high and mighty person, but one that was full of true love without judgment.

Most likely there is a lesson in here for me to learn and probably at some point down the road, things will look different then they do in the midst of the pain and hurt.  Stuff will happen and even those that we really care about will turn and become something we have never seen before in our experience with them.

So be it!  They can be high and mighty all they want, but at the end of the day, I've got to look out for myself and stay true to myself.  It isn't that I try to brush off things that maybe will help me as much as I can't sway to every whim someone has that thinks they know best for me.

There are times that I choose not to say things to others because I know it would only hurt them and serve no purpose.  It does not mean I don't listen.  It just means that I am trying to protect them and the cascade of effects that would surely fall like a row of dominoes.

All my life, there have been far too many that were high and mighty.  Much of it has focused around religion, but some of it comes in the new age world.  There are just so many  that try to fix everyone else instead of applying the same balm to their own life.

I know, its easier to point the fingers at other people, but just remember that when you point the finger at someone, you have three pointing back at you.  If you keep that in mind, it will greatly help not only your interactions with others, but the entire world.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2/5/16 by Don Shetterly

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Spank Those Kids!

I've about seen enough of this in the news lately.  People often say, "spanking worked on me" and "works on my kids".  Really.  I honestly want to understand how would you know if it worked because that was the only thing ever done to you.

Granted, before you huff and puff and try to blow my house down, let me tell you that I'm a little jaded on this subject.  I got spanked and whipped and beat.  In my eyes, its hard to see the difference.  While it might have worked on me to keep me in line, it allowed me to be brainwashed into doing and saying and thinking whatever my dad wanted out of me.

You might say, "well it wasn't all that bad".  I'd have to reply, "no - not if you think abuse and molestation was okay because I was too afraid to stand up to him".  You might say, "well, you are an exception".  Unfortunately I think that logic holds little water because I believe there are a whole lot of people out there like me.

The thing is, I truly think most parents over react or that is what I see as an outsider.  I see them trying to control every move that the kid makes.  If you're a parent, you might disagree but from the outside looking in, that's what it looks like.

Then, of course when the kid doesn't do what the parenting figure wants, they make sure that kid knows what is coming and then the kid feels it.  It is almost like the parent is on autopilot and unconsciously taking their stress and anger out on the kid.

You might be ready to tell me I'm stupid and I don't know what I'm talking about and that's okay with me.  I'm just trying to get people to think a little and open their eyes up a little because I don't think this love for "spanking" is as helpful as we all want to believe it is.

I've seen the damaging effects of parents gone too far, both in myself and in others.  My favorite example is when you see a parent hitting a kid because they hit someone.  Using the same thing you are telling them that is wrong to get them to know that it is wrong.  Where is the logic in that?

I wish parents would stop and slow down at times and de-stress themselves first, before striking (opps, I mean spanking) the kids.  I wish parents would count to 10 and calm themselves down before spanking the kids.  If you insist you must do it, at least get yourself out of the emotional state first.

There are far too many kids out there that have been damaged by parents thinking they were just disciplining them because that is what they got as kids from their parents.  It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see a continuation without much consciousness in this action.

Touch can lift our kids up and let them know we love them or it can destroy them.  It is up to each parent to choose which they do, but I think many parents out there need to take a chill pill.  We act like these kids today do things that we never did and yet, our parents probably said the same thing about us.  I know - I know - as we grow up, we tend to forget it.

I'm not going to tell you that spanking should not be done.  I can't say that.  I will tell you though, I believe there are other ways to interact with your kids and if you aren't actively learning those, then spanking isn't going to yield the positive result in my view.

This is just something to think about in hopes to raise the bar a little.  Its my view of course, but my view is based upon the abuse that I went through.  It has taken me forever to get beyond what was done to me and my body still feels it, even when I try to forget.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 11/8/15 by Don Shetterly

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Triggered By Intolerant People

Not long ago I encountered a situation that brought me trembling in my shoes.  Between the anger that surfaced, no lets make that the rage that surfaced and the humiliation I felt, life became very dull, dismal, and almost to the point I didn't care if I kept going. I was triggered by intolerant people.

These intolerant people who did what they did to me will remain nameless for now, unless it happens again or they give me some reason to no longer be silent.  The pain this caused me was so deep and severe, I wasn't sure if I could make it through it.  It lasted for what seemed like forever, all the time eating away at me like cancer.

The intolerance was pathetic and hopeless and despicable.  I realize it is their issue and they aren't enlightened enough to understand just how much their words hurt me.  However, I was hurt so deeply.  I can even sense the anger and pain in these words as I have tried to let go.  It isn't easy for me to tolerate their intolerance.

We all say things at times that we think no one hears and you might be surprised as to what actually gets relayed or shared to another person.  Even if no one physically hears the words, the energy that it puts into the universe hurts just the same.  In fact, it hurts the entire world.  Our words can do great damage.

Do Not Hurt Little Children

Do not hurt little children! While those words may sound simple and straight forward, there are people in our society that obviously fail to understand them. Every time I read a story about child abuse in any form, it makes me very angry. Today, there was a story in the Orlando Sentinel of such a case.

A 16 month old is dead because the little boy, Torey Dymond, went for a walk with his mother's boyfriend, 30-year-old Clifton Alexander Frazier. According to the mother, Rosalia Poirier, when the boyfriend got home, the little boy was lifeless and turning purple. According to the boyfriend, the little boy was whiny and was just asleep.

Fortunately, the police were called to the hospital to investigate and the boyfriend is now behind bars. In the newspaper article, it sounds like this boyfriend not only did crack cocaine but enjoyed beating the mother as well.

In addition, the boyfriend did not want the mother to call for 9-1-1 and said there was no cause for alarm.  Really, a 16 month old child is lifeless and purple, but there is no cause for alarm.  Wow... Wow...

Healing The Itchy Hand Rash, The Story

Healing The Itchy Hand
Rash, The Story

For background on this post, please begin at the blog post on November 6, 2011 (Healing The Itchy Hand Rash, Intro).


From My Personal Journal on October 23, 2011

The Story


Healing - sadness - pain!  These three words sum up this day.  I wish I did not have to experience any of this but I know I did.  It is hard to give up that thought.  It is difficult to let go.


While the pain of the memories is not easy, I am able to go in and feel it, experience it, without being totally overwhelmed.  I could not say that two weeks ago because it almost took me under.


Imagine being held down and raped as a kid.  However, imagine boiling water or hot coffee being poured on you if you tried to resist.  Imagine your little arms and hands being pinned down so you couldn't move as he repeatedly raped you.  Sounds horrible right?  For me, I don't have to imagine any of this.  It is all too real in my mind, the events I describe.

When Is Crying Okay?

In research studies, it has been shown that women cry more than men in western societies but in societies where women have fewer rights, they cry less than women of western societies.  Cultural influences often play a major role in determining who cries and the frequency of which they cry.  Many people are often ashamed of crying and won’t admit to it, especially men.

In a 2004 research study in the UK by the Social Issues Research Centre sponsored by Kleenex, suggests that attitudes toward men crying may be changing.  90 percent of women and 77 percent of men felt that over the past 20 years, it is more acceptable for men to cry and that it is unhealthy not to cry.

It was considered appropriate for men to cry because of a birth, death or if you were physically hurt (41%).  Some felt it was okay to cry during moving moments (26%).  It is important to note that these are the moments that are the most common triggers for men to cry.

However, while women would full on bawl, men were more prone to choke back the tears.  Just as men were taught when they were boys, that big boys don’t cry.  Strong boys don’t cry!  It is amazing to me, just how conditioned we are beginning very early in our life.  It is important to note that both men and women said they were likely to respond more positively to men who cried softly than they were to a man crying uncontrollably.


Further Reading:
1)  Men And Women Cry Differently
2)  Newborns And Crying Babies
3)  Biology Of Crying
4)  Stress Relief and Crying



Sources Of Information:

1)  Read It And Weep, Crybabies - Wall Street Journal, May 4, 2011
2)  The Science Behind Your Tears - HealthyLifeCt.com


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Blog Post & Images (c) 5/24/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
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Pain Hurts Because I Slept Wrong

How often do you say, “I slept wrong or moved wrong,” as a way to explain pain you wake up with or experience during your day? If you do, then you are much like me and many others who misplace the source of pain. You can go on blaming unrelated things for the pain that hurts but it won’t get you very far.

Last night, I had a dream where I was violently attacking someone that caused me great harm in my life. It is actually a person that I don’t think much about these days. In this dream, I was victorious and felt a sense that I conquered this person.

When I got ready to wake up, I noticed that my shoulders and upper back were in some intense pain. It was pain that was “fearful” and so intense that I was tempted to take a pain killing medication.

While I could make excuses for my pain and reasons I hurt, I can clearly see the connection between the dream and the painful state I woke up in. I could freak out and head for pain med city or I could allow the connection in my mind. If I stay with the thoughts, feelings or emotions, then I will move through it, much like I am doing already. If I add slight mind – body connected movement to it, the pain and hurt will dissipate much quicker.

We often fool ourselves about the source of pain in our body. We fail to stop and check what is going on at that moment or right before it started. Usually what is going on in our life shows up in our body. If we stop and notice it, we can do so much healing in our life and learn the lessons that our body is trying to teach us. If we choose to head to the medicine cabinet, for pain pills we’ll only delay the opportunity for greater awareness and learning in our life.

Further Reading:
1) The Power Of Your Mind (Blog Post 2/11/10)
2) Embrace The Pain (Blog Post 1/28/11)



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I Write To Make Sense Of Life

One of the things that I do to help make sense of life is I write. When I hurt, I usually try to write what is going on and put it into words. Often this helps me put things in more perspective and allows me to learn from what is going on.

I remember in an early episode of the Waltons when John Boy told his father that if he didn't get the words down on paper, his head was going to explode. I feel the same way at times.

Out of my hurts, pains, and realizations is where my words come from. They are often filled with the emotions and questions as I write them. To those that aren't familiar with how I write, I'm sure it looks like I am just questioning and dealing with these things. However, when I share these words, it is usually my way of sharing my process, not necessarily the end point.

I really don't know why I write everything down and why I share it in this blog for the most part. Some things do not make it to these pages but many do. I am drawn to sharing what I learn and until the day I run out of words, I will continue.

When I was in the hospital in 1991 because of paralysis, the words were difficult to find, let alone speak or write. It took me some time before I could speak normally again. At times, I still struggle to hand write things but fortunately the computer has made that much easier. So now that I can share words with others, I enjoy doing it and it is one of my purest forms of love and enjoyment in the world.

My only hope is that someone will benefit from what I share on this blog or in my book. I hope that someone will be further enlightened or at least stop to pause and think differently about a situation in their own life. While I don't profess to have all the answers, I just share those moments along my own journey, full of emotion, pain and realizations. These are the things that I have to offer to the world.


Further Reading
Hope And Possibility Through Trauma (by Don Shetterly)



Blog Post & Images (c) 5/2/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

Forgiveness Is Difficult

Through very personal moments, I find that forgiveness can be extremely difficult. When you are hurt by people you care about, it is easy to feel confused, upset, and angered. However, forgiveness is the most difficult step after the point of being hurt.

Yes, I realize now, forgiveness is all about letting go and while that sounds like a simple and dignified definition, it isn't always that easy. Everyone has their own opinion as to what forgiveness means from the strict religious view and interpretations there of, to the new age philosophies that are abundant.

For me, I've traveled through some difficult waters many times over in my life. Once again, I'm reminded of the turbulent oceans beneath my feet. When you get used and abused regardless of what form it takes, the hurts and pains attack as an army attacks its enemy. It is relentless and full of power, or so it seems to be that way.

As you add some codependent guilt and shame on top of the hurt, it makes the process of letting go that much more difficult. It becomes something that is not only the energy of your own process but has attached to it, the energy of others. Cutting the cords of attachment between the two is sometimes only accomplished through a highly skillful surgical approach.

All too often, there are moments of forgiveness that are met with lonesomeness since the people that hurt us often shun us or close their ears to what we try to express. In those moments, we must tread on through our journey and continue to learn to let go of those pains and hurts.

It is not easy no matter how you look at it or slice it in pieces. The hurts are still there but in order for us to move forward and reclaim our life, we have to let go. If we don't forgive at some point, we are harboring all that was done to us and giving it much more power than it deserves.

For a long time, I struggled with this concept and slowly I am beginning to understand it. Once again, through an event I was involved with, the lesson has reared its ugly head. I do realize that forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person but has everything to do with how I see myself and love myself. Yet, my mind struggles to comprehend these things.

The final note I want to share is that forgiveness is a process. It is about learning to let go and allowing the hurts and pains to be felt, experienced and realized. Forgiveness is not something you do in some special ceremony where poof, the magic dragon is slayed. It is not someone standing up and proclaiming, I forgive you (although that can definitely help). I would suggest that forgiveness is something that is ongoing and one day you wake up realizing that the hurts and pains of the past hold no further power over you. Then, at that moment, you have forgiven what was done to you.


Further Reading
1) Finding Self Forgiveness and Self Love
2) Forgiveness For Survivors Of Sexual Abuse
3) Release It, Let It Go (Pg 97 - Hope And Possibility Through Trauma)



Blog Post & Images (c) 5/2/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

Letting Go Of Painful Moments

It seems like there are so many times in our life where we suffer through loss, disappointment, neglect and hurt at the hands of other people. If you are highly sensitive like I am, these moments can almost be devastating to deal with. I wish I was like others at times that seem to just let these moments wash off their back. Unfortunately, my highly sensitive nature makes it much more difficult.

Recently, I've felt the neglect and hurt in my life as some either seemed to have abused and used me or they just felt that I wasn't worth their time anymore. Talk about a knife being stabbed into the heart, that is what it felt like. It hurts more than I want to let on at times and there are moments where I just want to cry forever.

Through all of this, I've dealt with anxiety, nervousness, tension and depression. I don't let go easily and when the pain comes along, I hurt all the way through every muscle fiber of my body. Yet, somehow, I keep going. I don't know how, but I do. That is most likely a good thing because if I acted upon the despair, it would not be pretty.

The one thing I have learned though, is to just let myself feel the pain, the hurt, and all the other emotions that are coming up. If I try to stop them or alter them in any way, they just find another way to show up. The more I just allow myself to be in the moment, feeling all that is going on in my heart, the more I know I'll come through this. Yes, it gets dicey at times to feel this, but somehow, I seem to find the strength to go on.

While forgiveness is not an easy concept for me, I do find that the more I focus on forgiving the person(s) for what they did to me, the more I can let go. Yet, to let go, I have to feel all the emotions and that is the difficult part. I wish it was easier but then if I felt nothing in all of this, would I be human?

I can't help but think of Oriah Mountain Dreamer's poem, "The Invitation" which means so much to me. The following part of her poem is the one that speaks the loudest right now during this time. I'll leave you with this quote from her book.

From Page 2, The Invitation (by Oriah Mountain Dreamer)
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

Further Reading:
1) Holding On And Not Letting Go
2) Get Over It


Blog Post & Images (c) 4/24/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

Hurt By People Who Mean Well

To many times in life, we have those busy bodies who think they are really trying to help us by their comments. I get it all the time in my life from people I know well to others who barely know me. Everyone thinks they have the "right answers" for us to LISTEN to.

Especially when it comes to talking about abuse from those who are survivors of child sexual abuse, the comments range from the following (and by no means is this an exhaustive list).

"Well maybe now you can move on and get past this"

"You just need to stay positive with your life and forget all of this bad stuff"

"You just need to let go of these things and give them up to God"

"God will take care of everything"

"Just pray about it"

"You need to forgive those that did this to you"

"I no longer let this stuff rule my life - I've healed from it all"

"It's time to move on"

"Let bygones by bygones"

"I just think happy thoughts"


And if these statements don't do enough, there are the families that use the "silent treatment" hoping that if they ignore you, it will all go away. I know that one well because it is used against me all the time. They think that the "silent treatment" will bring me into line and I've got a news bulletin for them - IT WON'T! The silent treatment helps others to ignore things that are just messy for them to think about. It is like it makes it so convenient for them to live their lives.

Going back to the statements above for a moment, I'm sure you have heard these or others like them. There are many more that could be added to the list. While these people appear to mean well, most of the time their comments are about as insensitive as you can get. These comments often hurt those that are forced to hear them. Granted, we've all probably made comments at one time or another where we weren't as sensitive and understanding as we could be.

I often find though that the people who think they have healed or moved on are usually just kidding themselves. By them trying to get you to not talk about these things, makes it easier for them to not have to face up with that painful side of their life. They won't admit that to themselves or to you but if you look beyond the words and read between the lines, you'll see what I'm talking about.

Healing from past issues of our life or healing from being a survivor of child abuse isn't like you wake up one day and poof, it no longer affects your life or matters to you. It is a process where you put more and more distance between you and the traumatic moments your mind has recorded. However, healing is not about masking the pain of the past or wishing and hoping it wasn't there.

Healing is about going into the pain and becoming more aware and conscious. The more you become aware of in your life, it leads to further healing. The more healing you get, the more you become aware of your life. It is an ongoing cycle of life that we should all be engaged in regardless of what we have been through in our lives.

So, if we act like everything is completely fine in our life or that we have moved on, it usually means I don't want to deal with the painful part of my life that I know exists. It means that I'd rather like to just ignore it as I can't deal with it. It does not mean that what we try to state is actually what it means. As hard as we try to silence the message, until the messenger is heard, it cannot be silenced. We can try but at some point, the messenger will be so strong that it will get our attention and hopefully we listen to it before it is too late.

You can run from your past but it will always be there. Eventually, it will catch up with you. It is up to each one of us whether we will continue running or we will become one with our past.

But please - if you are not wanting to deal with situations in your life, don't hurt others by throwing around insensitive comments. At least respect where they are at in their lives but don't just inflict your own pain upon them through your hurtful comments. It does not do a body good.


(c) 12/5/10 by Don Shetterly - use by permission only