Monday, December 5, 2016

Keeping Things To Yourself

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place on this blog post.  Lately, I've seen various situations in different people that they withhold information from their friends.  In each case, it is most likely stressful and frightening news, sometimes horrible news.  Yet, unless you're in on the "inside crowd", you have no idea what is going on.

In fact, I even saw one one individual tell a couple of people close to him that he wanted no sympathy and if there was any sympathy put forward, he would never talk to them again.

Unfortunately to the people close to him, it made them feel very awful and horrible and hurt.  They had compassion for him, but without being able to say anything, they had to be alone with their own pain over watching his condition.

For a long time, I thought that if I had a terminal illness, I would just not say anything.  Yet, I would be doing the same thing that these other friends are doing.  I would be slapping my friends in the face just so I didn't have to think about it.  It would be a big selfish thing that I did.

Yes, I know.  When people find out something is wrong with you they try and fix you, help you, or alleviate it.  More times than not, their actions and words cause more discomfort because people just fail miserably at being there for others.

Cause more discomfort...

I get that.  I know it isn't easy to know what to say in the most difficult of situations.  Often the person going through it is angry and that anger gets displaced upon the ones close to them.  Yet, in many ways, the people who have been there for you are cut off because you leave them out.  You ostracize them.

Maybe if it was me, I'd see this different.  I don't know.  It is hard to tell in that situation.  I just think that those who are going through an illness or life changing situation need to consider what their support network feels like if they are shoved out of the equation.

It does hurt.  It makes you feel like they do not value you at all.  It leaves you feeling rejected and despised. When someone is a friend and is hurting, you want to be there for them in all your awkwardness and mistakes with your compassion.

If it was you dying or having a serious medical condition, what do you think you would do?  Have you been in the situation where someone did this to you and how did that make you feel?  Leave a comment below with your thoughts.  I would love to hear them.


Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly
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  1. I went through cancer treatment alone. I didn't tell my three children because they were to young. My 10 sisters and brothers hadnt been close to me for a year and I didn't want their pitty. It was the biggest mistake of my life. Without a good support system you can not help but fall deeper into depression an stressed out. When I had to go back because it had popped up in a different organ I called my sister and she was great. She called me everyday and helped with rides to the hospital. I told her I didn't want pitty or argument about treatment from anyone and she respected that. Reach out to a freind, family or an organisation. DO NOT GO IT ALONE.






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