Sunday, December 18, 2016

Sometimes We Fall Flat On Our Face

It happens to me!  I wish it didn't and I wish I was far enough beyond it sometimes.  However, sometimes I just fall flat on my face.

Yes, I know - that it is what we do with that after we fall flat on our face that matters.  Picking ourselves up and inserting any appropriate cliche' is how we focus.  Yet, when we fall flat, sometimes the bruises hurt.

I won't go into specifics here, but if you want to know more, read the blog post, Triggered By My Cats, from yesterday and it will give you a better idea.  It is one of my all time difficult triggers that actually was the moment where Conversion Disorder fully showed up in me.  It took me years to discover and understand that!

I'm doing better than I was yesterday.  Yesterday, it was overwhelming to me.  Yesterday it engulfed every bit of my being, my brain, my body, and my emotions.  The trigger left me standing there numbed and disconnected, angry and enraged. It blinded me with confusion.  It pushed me to hide far away from anyone and everyone.

How quickly it happened...

I felt flat on my face.  Just as I was making it and gaining ground, it hit me.  It frightens me to think of how fast it struck and how quickly it happened.  It frightens me to know that it lurks around the corner, just waiting to pounce.

I feel helpless when it appears. I feel as if I don't even have a split second to try and contain it or think about it differently.  It is a major trigger.  It slapped me hard.  And yet - I've done so much work on this, but it sneaked up from behind and attacked me.

We pick up the pieces...

Yes, I've healed.  I've come a long ways.  I post this, not out of a desire for sympathy, but to help others see that sometimes we just fall flat on our face.  And that's OK!  Yes, its okay to fall flat on our face.  We just have to pick up the pieces tomorrow and do what we need to do to keep going.

I'm not going to sugarcoat it and put some happy thought or meme in place to say if I think this way or that way, its magically better.  I recognize and realize, that this too is part of my healing, as difficult as it gets at time.  Healing is an ongoing process.

I'm writing this just to let others know that you're not alone when you fall flat on your face.  Yes, it may feel that way.  Yes, you may temporarily forget everything you've learned and lose site of how much you have healed.  That's all normal that this moment.

However, just look for the rope at the top of the cliff and try to reach out for it, grabbing it one hand hold at a time.  Use it to pull yourself back up.  Most likely there will be someone up there steadying the rope and offering help as you struggle to climb back up the cliff.

Don't lose hope if you've fallen flat on your face because sometimes it is what happens.  It's the point where we hopefully get to heal another piece of our life.  Just don't lose hope!




Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly
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