I grew up in a house where major crap was done all the time. I saw my mom beat for just about anything she did. I was beat for anything and everything. I was molested by multiple people. You name it, I saw it.
The only thing is that time and time again, these same offending lowlifes in my family apologized for what they did. The statement "I apologize - I never meant to hurt you" was uttered constantly. It was meaningless words meant to sound like they were sincere. They were sincere until the next moment where you were beat or molested.
The other thing I remember was my older brother writing a letter saying the following and this is a direct quote I got.
"I am sorry for any of the events in our childhood that have caused hurt and pain for you guys. I did not have any intention of ever hurting either one of you. I feel I must accept whatever blame is warranted my way. I offer my sincere apology in all regards of this matter"
If you feel warm and fuzzy after this, please let me know because it is apologies like this that make me want to barf. Excuse me while I puke a moment. My family was masters when it came time to apologize for "events" without even recognizing the events. This letter was a typical response in my family and it is not as innocent or sincere as it may seem (if it seems that way). I heard it time and time again so much so, that my mind became numb to these words. The apology was worthless.
We all need to slap our heads a little to wake up because words without sincerity are like a noisy gong going off in the middle of an opera. They have no positive effect and they leave you feeling disoriented. Just to throw out an apology to appease someone is worthless.
My own family members that did this including my dad don't care about what they did. They don't have remorse. Even though they are active in their legalistic Baptist church and one of them recently found Jesus again, they still don't get it. I've seen that same pattern of finding "Jesus" once again repeated so many times in the family that my mind is numb to it. If I thought they truly changed, it would be one thing, but they have not changed. I'm not just being cynical. This is based upon real life experience repeated many times.
If you are going to apologize, make sure it is more than words. Make sure you actually feel sorry and it isn't some public relations ploy to get your "personal stock price" back up for the mind numbed masses.
If you are going to apologize, then make changes so you don't continue the same action in the future. Enlighten yourself. Increase your self-awareness. If you repeat the same actions that you find yourself apologizing for, than you make your apology worthless.
Words mean a lot. Words can hurt or help. When we throw an apology out without true sincerity from our heart, we not only become less than human, but we view everyone else as inhuman. Our world does not need behavior that makes people less than human. There is already enough of this!
And on one final note, don't tell someone you're sorry, and then in the next statement begin to condemn them for actions you don't like in them. Usually an apology is a humbling statement, not a preface for condemnation.
Blog Post And Images (c) 2/22/14 by Don Shetterly
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