Dismissed By A Child Molester

Written By Don Shetterly

Years ago when I was going through some of the roughest healings, I decided to call my dad late one night.  I planned on confronting him about what he did to me.  It took a great deal of courage for me to get to this point.  Having friends close by helped so much.

It isn't easy for me to talk about this to this very day.  I get scared that if I speak out, bad things are going to happen to me.  After all, I was threatened that if I didn't shut up, that they would come after me.  My older brother left that clear message for me at my job.  So this is not a made up fear.  It is real.

At the time anger fueled my reasoning for calling my father.  I was dealing with very rough moments in life as a result of what I had experienced.  It took the anger to confront him because I was so frightened then.

Actually, I'm frightened now with speaking out publicly more, but I know I must.  There are far too many that endure molestation and child abuse.  I am honestly at a point where if they want to come after me, I'll expose every last bit of what they did to me in a public way that will make them regret their threats and actions against me.  I'm tired of hiding it because of what they might do to me.

When I called him up that night, my mom picked up the phone.  Yes, it was late in the middle of the night, but I wanted him on the phone, not her.  So I hung up and called back.  I have my issues with what my mom knew or didn't know, but I wanted him to be the one hearing what I said.

When I got him on the phone, I laid into him.  I didn't let up, and I didn't let him talk.  There was no way I was holding back, and so my anger and pain came out in full force.  I only got about a minute, or so I think of saying what I wanted to say before he hung up on me.

Just before he hung up on me, he said, "GROW UP Donald!"  That was the name he used when he was angry at me.  My final words to him were "GO TO HELL!"

I have never spoken to him since, and I have no intention of doing so.  He made his bed, and now he gets to lie in it.  I have no desire to communicate with him because there is no apology from him.  He doesn't think he did anything wrong.  Molestation was normal to him it seems.  I know it is up to me to continue moving forward and letting go of what he did.

In the news are stories of someone being molested by a prominent figure and they are getting the same treatment.  They are being dismissed by a child molester (or should I say, alleged child molester).  It triggers me back to the memories of what I went through.

Will my Dad and brother ever admit to molesting me?  I doubt it.  They've already convinced family friends that I was brainwashed by Psychiatrists and that I'm crazy.  I was the one that was wrong in their eyes for daring to speak up and expose the secrets.

You see, child molesters stop at nothing to convince the world that they are great humans.  They have no problem with blaming the victim.  They don't care that the child was helpless when they abused and molested them.  It is all about convincing the world that they didn't do anything wrong.

In my case, I'm sure if anyone confronted them, they would also say that "God has forgiven them."  Unfortunately, to me, that does not mean that you act as if nothing ever happened.  That is being a coward in my view.  Either you own up to what you did or don't tell me you've been forgiven.

Just a note here that in my house, forgiveness talk is not as it seems.  It means, forget it and act as if we didn't do anything to you. I heard this line about forgiveness so many times.  It usually was right after they did what they did to me.  I even heard it after my dad would beat my mom.  Thus, forgiveness talk to me is cheap and shallow.

Being dismissed by a child molester is what these people do.  They cannot allow themselves to be exposed to their secrets and lies and abuse.  They blame the victim.

To people that defend what child molesters do, you are not human in my eyes.  You are part of the problem that allows child abuse to continue.  Either you stand up for the rights of all humans, or you need to go find the door to your cave and crawl back inside.

Dismissed by a child molester just seems normal to me.  I almost expect nothing but the blame they put on their victims.  When I see news reports about others, and I hear the perverts attack the victims, my anger boils.  Child molesters don't have any business being on this earth.  When you harm the life of an innocent child, you give up all rights to be human in my view.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 11/30/17 by Don Shetterly

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We Fail To Look At Our Own Faults

Attention all humans, this blog post may make all of us a little uncomfortable.  In my view, that's okay because sometimes we need to be challenged a little bit.  We need to be pushed out of our comfort zone.  I promise though, I'll do it with love and ease and compassion.

One of the things I grew up with was living in a house where we criticized others.  Other people weren't good enough.  They didn't do things right.  They weren't righteous enough.  They weren't smart enough or nice enough.  They just didn't measure up.

In fact, even within the house, there was always someone in the doghouse because they weren't good enough or didn't follow directions and commands as dictated by my father and God almighty.  If you didn't measure up, you were shunned, pushed aside and ridiculed.

Today in our society, I see far too often where we point the fingers at other people, but we hold ourselves up as we are better than others.  Whether it is politics or religion or in our little society clicks, we tend to do this.  We see the stick in our brother's eye but we don't see the log in our own eye.

We go on social media or we join in causes pointing out just how bad the "others" are in our society.  We proclaim how unenlightened and stupid they are.  We proclaim how they are like sheep.  We create conspiracy theories to prove our points.  We have our facts as we know them to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are right and others are wrong.

Yet, we don't stop and look at ourselves.  I'm not talking about other people who don't stop and look at themselves.  I'm talking about each one of us, myself included.  We find their faults, but we see our life as perfect.  We find their faults, but we fail to even begin to understand the work we need to do on ourselves.

It is epidemic and it increases more with each day that goes by.  It is sad because when we point the finger of blame and accusation while holding ourselves up on a pedestal, it is then that we have lost site of what it means to be human.  We have lost the love that we proclaim we have.  We have lost the compassion and respect for others which we think we have.

It isn't up to any leader, political or religious or others, to change this.  This change has to start within us, even if we think it should start in others.  This change has to begin in our life.  It needs to be from the core and depth of our being, not just from the words we speak but with action.

If we want this world to prosper for all and to continue, we must begin changing ourselves.  Our change must not be dependent upon what others tell us to think or what they do.  In order to grow as an individual, it becomes a necessity to change ourselves.

We can and we do impact and influence this world.  Unfortunately in these times, it seems like more negativity is being spewed on social media and in our casual acquaintances than ever before.  Surely we can do better than this.  Surely we can be more than we are.  Before we all run off the cliff hanging on to our own beliefs, may we wake up and heed the warning lights.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

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Afraid Of Fear

We're there!  We've been a downhill trajectory for a long time and now we're just digging deeper into fear.  So many and I mean so many are so afraid of fear that reality isn't even a close relative now.

At one time (maybe it was just an illusion), we all were not a bunch of fear freaks scampering to every potential thing that happened in a day or didn't happen.  Now, we are all waiting it seems to run from anything that might make a whisper.

It is really sad to be honest.  We are at an all time high for panic and depression.  We are at an all time high of trusting no one and fearing everyone.  We're afraid of people who look different than us.  We are afraid of sounds that turn out to be nothing meaningful.

I thought it would balance out at some point, but I think I'm wrong.  We are so afraid of fear that I wonder just how long it will be before we reach the ultimate, point of no return tipping point.  I'm not sure we are that far away from this.

In the meantime, fear is causing not only mental disturbance issues, but all kinds of health issues.  Fear is forcing us to do things we wouldn't normally do and consuming us to the point where normal things in life look frightening.

Everyone thinks that by following the constant minute by minute replays of news, they are somehow giving themselves sustenance and facts, but in many ways, they are just adding to the fear.  News isn't news and it is only designed to hook you and reel you in, but that doesn't stop anyone. 

Everyone thinks that by taking more and more health procedures that we are somehow handling the crisis.  Unfortunately this just takes everyone further and further from being connected to their body.  It takes them further into the dark whole where the health issues compound themselves and grow with unbridled expansion.

Instead of learning to respect and love one another, we treat everyone as the enemy.  We and our politicians degrade anyone that is different than us and anyone that might help us gain more power, money or control.  It doesn't matter which side of the issue we are on, because we all do it through what we mind numbingly share and like on social media every day.

It is sad how we have lost site of where we are and who we are at in a day.  I can see the nervous system spinning out of control in most people I meet, but we still walk into the fog, thinking that we are walking into the sun.

Where will it all stop and reverse?  I am not sure.  I can't see how we can continue on as humans in this manner.  The universe strives for balance and the further we swing one way or the other, the more it will take to bring us back into balance.  May we all do that before it is past the point of no return.

If only we could do little things every day, rather then hiding our heads in the sand.  If only we could figure out what it truly means to be grounded, not just something that we tell the world that we are.  If only we could get back to discovering what it means to be aware of our innermost self instead of looking to blame, ridicule, mock, and disrespect others.

I know, it seems like a dream right now.  It continues to be my dream and my hope.

Listen to the YouTube Video below of Joy Harjo and the Fear Poem. It is powerful!

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Blog Post And Images (c) 12/26/15 by Don Shetterly

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How Dare You!

We love to see it in others.  We love to point it out in others.  We love to make sure everyone knows where they are falling short in life.

Its easier to point out where groups and people and organizations and "OTHERS" don't measure up.  Its easier to point out where OTHERS are screwing up, disappointing us and the entire world.  It is easier to point out where OTHERS just aren't enough.

We blame them for our lot in life.  We make an example out of them on Facebook or other social media.  The news media hails them as the problem, while we raise our cheers to the sky.

Its far easier to look at others and point out there sins.  It is far easier to point out how horrible this person is or that person is.  We can prove it.  We can proclaim it.  For we know that our point of view about others is right and everyone else is wrong.  It is far easier to despise those that have more than us for they are evil in the eyes of so many.

A Worthless Apology

These days in our society, we say anything and do anything, then our public relations firms convince their clients that they must apologize.  They apologize in some half-hearted attempt, making it look like they are sincere and acting as if they did nothing wrong.  You can't get much better than that in our society if you are attempting to become less than human.

I grew up in a house where major crap was done all the time.  I saw my mom beat for just about anything she did.  I was beat for anything and everything.  I was molested by multiple people.  You name it, I saw it.

The only thing is that time and time again, these same offending lowlifes in my family apologized for what they did.  The statement "I apologize - I never meant to hurt you" was uttered constantly.  It was meaningless words meant to sound like they were sincere.  They were sincere until the next moment where you were beat or molested.

Clean Your Own Windows First

I read something on a Facebook page recently of someone I don't know.  While I'm not going to reference the Facebook site that they shared, it was a religious one.  Actually this site looked to be a little more balanced than most, but the person sharing it had all kinds of JUDGMENTAL posts on this page.  It is funny to me that people will share things that are so good, but they don't even take to heart what it is that they share.

In the shared item, the story went something along the lines of a person who was critical of the neighbors.  In fact, it was about the neighbors laundry on the clothes line.  The person in this story constantly complained to her husband that the neighbor did not know how to do laundry.  For every time the neighbor did the laundry and hung it on the line, it appeared dirty.  It was not until one day she realized that the neighbor's laundry looked clean and exclaimed to her husband, that they must have figured out how to do laundry.  It was not until her husband told her that he got up early that day and cleaned their windows that she understood who it was that had the problem.

You see, it is easy for us to point out all the things wrong that other people do.  A funny thing happens when we do this though.  We usually are pointing out our own short comings and failure, only we can't even see beyond our disdain for others that we are doing this.  It isn't until we clean our own windows first that we begin to see more clearly in life.  If you think this is not rampant in our society, just read the daily news or look at a comment section on a news website.

No Blame - Just Understanding

When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don't blame the lettuce. You look into the reasons it is not doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun. You never blame the lettuce. Yet if we have problems with our friends or our family, we blame the other person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will grow well, like lettuce.

Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason and arguments. That is my experience. No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you understand, and you show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change. - Thich Nhat Hanh


I saw this quote on facebook and it is attributed to Thich Nhat Hanh.  While I'm not certain if he said it or not, I'll give him credit for it until someone comes along and sheds further light on its origin.  It says so much and just too good to pass up sharing on this blog especially in light of an experience that happened yesterday where I walked away from engaging in argument with this place of "so called love".

Quit Blaming And Start Changing

Some days I get philosophical about life and look at my own life in relation to the overall big planet we live on.  There are so many times that I don't feel like I fit in this world. I have felt this way from a very early age in my life, and sometimes today I still feel that way.  After all, I don't understand most of the human population, or why people act the way they do.

When you look at the people who just bury their heads in the sand, hoping that somehow what they are currently doing in their lives won't matter, I feel sorry for the sand.  Either they chase neon rainbows of bright pretty colors, or they see just how much they can disrespect and harm one another.

No one really stops to think about how their actions impact those around them or the rest of the world.  They just go through their day oblivious to everything taking place, acting as if they are the only ones that matter.  If they inflict a little harm here or there, they claim it is all done in the name of love or they act as if they are the ones with all the answers.

Blame Is A Way To Discharge Pain And Discomfort

Blame - A Way To Discharge
Pain And Discomfort

I recently saw a video of a speech given at the TED conference by Brene Brown on vulnerability. (To view the video, click this link) It is an excellent 20 minute video that you should see.  In the video, she talked about how blame plays into vulnerability.  It is easier to blame someone or something or some entity and cause, rather then understand the dynamics of what is going on behind the scenes.

According to Brene Brown, blame is a way to discharge pain and discomfort.  Think about that for a moment.  We live in a society today that is blaming everyone and everybody for everything.  If any issue is written about or discussed in the news, there are usually two sides presented and commented.  It is those that completely agree and those that disagree.  There is no middle ground in the discussion.  It is either one way or another way.  You really don't have to look far to find evidence of this in your day.

Blame Someone, Blame Anyone

Blame Someone
Blame Anyone

All too often in a day, I see in our society and even throughout the world, humans finding some entity to blame.  Everyone wants to blame someone or blame anyone, but they never look at the any part of their own life that could be a contributor.  Often, humans do not even realize that they are doing this or that they are part of the collective energy of blame.

It's easy to focus on the person making the accusation or the person that was negligent.  It's easy to blame the ones that the mob hails in society as the person(s) we should hold as responsible.  What is difficult to do every day, is to quit blaming people and start living one's life to the fullest.

I do find it amazing that we often blame things that are entities in our country and society, but yet we cannot walk up to these entities and touch them.  Even though they exist, they really do not.  Take for instance, the economy.  It affects every person, but it is made of each person it affects.  Yet, instead of taking personal responsibility, we blame the thing that we have all made up and created.  The health care industry is another example of this concept.  War and the political process are further examples.