Dismissed By A Child Molester

Written By Don Shetterly

Years ago when I was going through some of the roughest healings, I decided to call my dad late one night.  I planned on confronting him about what he did to me.  It took a great deal of courage for me to get to this point.  Having friends close by helped so much.

It isn't easy for me to talk about this to this very day.  I get scared that if I speak out, bad things are going to happen to me.  After all, I was threatened that if I didn't shut up, that they would come after me.  My older brother left that clear message for me at my job.  So this is not a made up fear.  It is real.

At the time anger fueled my reasoning for calling my father.  I was dealing with very rough moments in life as a result of what I had experienced.  It took the anger to confront him because I was so frightened then.

Actually, I'm frightened now with speaking out publicly more, but I know I must.  There are far too many that endure molestation and child abuse.  I am honestly at a point where if they want to come after me, I'll expose every last bit of what they did to me in a public way that will make them regret their threats and actions against me.  I'm tired of hiding it because of what they might do to me.

When I called him up that night, my mom picked up the phone.  Yes, it was late in the middle of the night, but I wanted him on the phone, not her.  So I hung up and called back.  I have my issues with what my mom knew or didn't know, but I wanted him to be the one hearing what I said.

When I got him on the phone, I laid into him.  I didn't let up, and I didn't let him talk.  There was no way I was holding back, and so my anger and pain came out in full force.  I only got about a minute, or so I think of saying what I wanted to say before he hung up on me.

Just before he hung up on me, he said, "GROW UP Donald!"  That was the name he used when he was angry at me.  My final words to him were "GO TO HELL!"

I have never spoken to him since, and I have no intention of doing so.  He made his bed, and now he gets to lie in it.  I have no desire to communicate with him because there is no apology from him.  He doesn't think he did anything wrong.  Molestation was normal to him it seems.  I know it is up to me to continue moving forward and letting go of what he did.

In the news are stories of someone being molested by a prominent figure and they are getting the same treatment.  They are being dismissed by a child molester (or should I say, alleged child molester).  It triggers me back to the memories of what I went through.

Will my Dad and brother ever admit to molesting me?  I doubt it.  They've already convinced family friends that I was brainwashed by Psychiatrists and that I'm crazy.  I was the one that was wrong in their eyes for daring to speak up and expose the secrets.

You see, child molesters stop at nothing to convince the world that they are great humans.  They have no problem with blaming the victim.  They don't care that the child was helpless when they abused and molested them.  It is all about convincing the world that they didn't do anything wrong.

In my case, I'm sure if anyone confronted them, they would also say that "God has forgiven them."  Unfortunately, to me, that does not mean that you act as if nothing ever happened.  That is being a coward in my view.  Either you own up to what you did or don't tell me you've been forgiven.

Just a note here that in my house, forgiveness talk is not as it seems.  It means, forget it and act as if we didn't do anything to you. I heard this line about forgiveness so many times.  It usually was right after they did what they did to me.  I even heard it after my dad would beat my mom.  Thus, forgiveness talk to me is cheap and shallow.

Being dismissed by a child molester is what these people do.  They cannot allow themselves to be exposed to their secrets and lies and abuse.  They blame the victim.

To people that defend what child molesters do, you are not human in my eyes.  You are part of the problem that allows child abuse to continue.  Either you stand up for the rights of all humans, or you need to go find the door to your cave and crawl back inside.

Dismissed by a child molester just seems normal to me.  I almost expect nothing but the blame they put on their victims.  When I see news reports about others, and I hear the perverts attack the victims, my anger boils.  Child molesters don't have any business being on this earth.  When you harm the life of an innocent child, you give up all rights to be human in my view.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 11/30/17 by Don Shetterly

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Staying Ignorant

Written By Don Shetterly

Growing up, our house was not one where we were allowed to challenge the status quo.  What my father said was meant to be the law, and you did not object, argue, or ask for an explanation.  Staying ignorant was the law of our house.

We were abused under these rules, and we were molested and beaten and psychologically abused.  Any attempt to circumvent or change that was met with punishment that was more harsh and severe and quick then one could contemplate.  If you spare the rod, then it means you would spoil the child was the judgment of the court in our house.  Yet, staying ignorant was the norm.

Our minds were brainwashed under these rules.  Even though we were urged to think for ourselves, it was not allowed.  It was not given fertile ground to develop, and if you attempted to do it, you would be met with the "silent treatment."  You were ostracized and put in the dog house for daring to stand up and challenge anything spoken.

Sure, the king in charge of my family would act as if this did not happen. The family king would make a spectacle out of you, telling everyone that knew you, just how wrong you were.  They took facts out of context and prove to others, that you had no idea what you were saying.  No matter what was needed, they would ensure that you were the crazy one who dared stand up and speak out against the king of the house.

Watching pets be killed or being told that if you dared to stand up, the cops would not be able to do anything for you proved that you had no choice.  Learning that God would punish you if you challenged the king or he specially wanted you to just follow the will of the family is just how things were in our house.

Staying ignorant was all we knew.  While we heard others may brainwash us in their ways and beliefs, we were the ones being brainwashed and yet we did not know it.  What seemed abusive and wrong to others, seemed normal to us.  We knew no different.  It is what we had been taught.

When I finally got up the courage to stand on my own and walk away, I was labeled as crazy.  It was the medication, the doctors, and my friends who led me astray.  People that had known me most of my life were told just how far off the deep end I had gone.  Staying ignorant was what they demanded of us.

To this day, I'm on my own.  I don't have contact with the ones that wished to silence me.  I said enough is enough.  Staying ignorant was no longer a choice, but it was so difficult to do.  It took courage and strength to stand through the pain of the separation.  It was not for the faint of heart.

I'm glad I escaped and found my own life, but it took me many years to begin undoing the harm and brainwashing that was done to me.  Staying ignorant is how the family wishes to remain, but no longer will I let anyone brainwash me.

I work each day to become more than I am.  I strive to go in and clean out the dark places of my life and let go of things that no longer serve me.  It is a process to unlearn all that you were taught even if it was toxic and ignorant.  It is not an easy process, and while many give up trying to do it, I'm glad that I am no longer staying ignorant.

My life is much better as I grow in my own awareness and consciousness.  Keeping someone down because of beliefs and control is no way for any human to live.

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Blog Post And Images (c) Nov 21, 2017, by Don Shetterly

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Don't You Dare Disagree

The house I grew up in was our way or no way.  You didn't dare disagree.  No way - no how!  You had to go along with whatever the "supreme ruler of the house said!"

It didn't matter if what you were saying or thinking might have been right.  If it conflicted with what the supreme ruler said, you were wrong.  If you did not heed that warning and the following smack down, then you were exiled within the house.

Being exiled within the house meant that others just automatically knew to treat you as if you were less than.  They automatically knew to not talk to you unless it was absolutely critical.  They knew to keep their distance from you because you were toxic according to the supreme ruler.

It didn't matter how important what you were saying was or how truthful or factual it was.  If the supreme ruler didn't want to hear it or didn't accept it, you were wrong - plain and simple.  You were spoken to as an idiot.

No matter what, you had to keep the family secrets and tow the family line.  You didn't dare speak out to anyone about any of it for fear of retribution so hard that you would never ever think of speaking out.

God would bring down punishment...

If that wasn't enough, then the minister was brought out to get you in line and counsel you and pray for you.  If that didn't work, then you were threatened in all kinds of ways that God would really bring down punishment upon you.

The supreme ruler was fearful of anyone that didn't agree with him or dared to challenge his ways.  If you ultimately paid the price of a challenge, you were labeled as being brainwashed.  You were discarded by the family and all your friends that knew you, were told just how terrible you were.

This is the house I grew up in.  I lived under the supreme ruler and was told that I was brainwashed because I dared to speak the truth.  I ended up leaving all my family behind and striking out on my own.  I had to let them go in order to survive.

I will not hide from the truth...

I will not hide from the truth of what I have been through.  These monsters in my house were horrifying creatures who abused me, molested me, and threw me out when I was no more use to them.

My life is better now, but I still struggle with the family aspect.  Yes, I know we create who we want to be with, but the biological bond is still critical.  Without the biological bond, there is a gaping hole left in our lives.

If you're in this situation, don't stand for silence.  Find the courage to break the silence and take care of yourself.  You matter more.   Forcing someone to be silent is where the brainwashing happens.

It was abusive and brainwashing...

The supreme ruler of the house is now living his miserable life out in his last days.  He will answer for it at some point when he dies, but until then, what he did was brainwashing and abusive and should not have been done to anyone.

I used to run a website forum called Breaking The Silence.  I did it for others to help start their own healing process of child abuse.  In my own life, I had been silenced and in order to heal, I had to break the silence.

Child abuse is never right.  No child should ever have to go through what some do, including myself.  While I work to continue my own healing, I hold accountable those that harmed me.

If someone says, don't you dare disagree with me, they are not to be trusted.  They are not there for your best interests and more than likely, they will not be good for you long term.  Do not let anyone tell you that can't disagree with them.  That is brainwashing and mind control!

#Respect

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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My Way Or The Highway

Growing up in the house we did, there was no dissent.  You either did it my father's way or there was the highway.  That's how it was viewed, taught, and every discipline was appropriated based upon this fact in our family.

I mean, after all they didn't want the family secrets out.  So, if you dared stand up and say anything, they couldn't control you.  They were afraid and frightened that you would share something they didn't want shared.  If you want to know more about those secrets, check out my book.

There was absolutely no dissent, no disagreeing with the man in charge and they were right no matter what.  You could have had facts to back up what you were saying on your side, but none of mattered.  It was their way or the highway!

Now, if you brought this to their attention today, they would flatly deny that they ever did this.  They would claim I was brainwashed.  They would claim that I just got my feelings hurt.  They would claim that I was blaming them for everything and taking no ownership for any of it.

Dissent was not tolerated...

If you dared to speak out or stand up, you were labeled as an unruly child.  You were punished severely from beatings to having the entire rest of the family give you the silent treatment.  Dissent and not obeying their every command and wish was absolutely not tolerated in my family.

They might have used God or the minister to try and keep you in line.  You can sure as bet a beating was in order.  They would threaten to burn your toys or kill your cats.  Some of those threats were very real and not just threats.  They stopped at nothing to bring you into line with what they deemed was the truth.

To this day, I have very little use for group think.  Everyone seems to not be able to stand on their own two feet and so they love having others with similar group think around them.  It makes them feel more secure.

Why do we have to be the same...

I fail to understand why someone is not able to stand up and disagree.  I fail to understand why everyone has to think the same way, talk the same way, do the same things and believe the same way.  Maybe it was because of what I grew up with as a kid, but I just have no use for it.

I think we do our best when we challenge ourselves and we allow ourselves to be challenged.  It allows us to grow and learn and be more than we are.  If we're just following because that is what we are supposed to do, then are we really human?

I still struggle with this behavior that I was taught while growing up.  It shaped how I saw the world and that did not mean I saw the world in an inclusive and broad way.  It was a very narrow minded view of everything around me.  It was what brainwashed me!

Challenge yourself to not be part of the group think on whatever subject or belief it may be.  You're only holding yourself back from discovering more about that which you don't know in this moment.  Challenge yourself to let others challenge you and be okay with that.  We don't all have to sit inside the one circle in life and spout the same rhetoric.

My way or the highway thinking is brainwashing.  It is not freedom, especially for a child like myself growing up.  It held me back.  It helped me hate others without knowing them.  It helped me hide all of this stuff so deep inside of me that the secrets of my life went to the point they almost killed me.

Don't let yourself fall into the my way or the highway thinking.  If you're there, take a leap into the unknown and see what else exists!

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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Needing To Be Right

At one time, I thought I had to always try to convince others that what I felt was important was what they understood. If someone challenged me, I always thought I had to go until the end when I was able to prove myself correct. It seemed like a badge of honor to be able to stand up and get people to understand just how right I thought I was in life. Like many people do, I felt that I needed to be right!

With the advent of the internet message boards and now things such as comments on news articles or facebook, and constant 24 hour news pundits, there is a need for people to try and prove to others just how much they think they know. It is like a strong magnet that really pulls the comments out of people and forces them to type them into the mega-sphere of the internet. In addition, the internet allows us to be anonymous when writing comments so in many ways, it does not seem like we are really responding to a human life form.

Much of the time when people have to force their ideals upon others, it really shows a lack of insecurity and often times, immaturity. While they may have a considerable amount to say and it may have merit to it, often the need to expound upon these things gets in the way of the message.

At one time, I thought I had to respond to everything written and prove my point. I thought that if I did not, it made me weak. Of course, subscribing to some of the thought philosophies expounded upon through the media pundits, I thought I was armed with the truth. In many ways, some of this reminds me of the brainwashing I received at the hands of the church. Truth be told, many religions do this in overt and sometimes in very subtle ways.

As I am learning though, some times, it is more wise and prudent to just not say much. There is no need to engage this part of human civilization because most likely if someone has their mind made up that they hold the truth, what you say is not going to matter at all. Sometimes, the stronger person is the one that can walk away and allow the other person to wallow in their own insecurity.

There are things that truly matter in this world and most of the public discourse taking place these days does not rise to that level. If you took out much of what is being discussed these days, life would still continue to go on.

I remember my mom telling me often that you can be silent and make people wonder or you can open your mouth and remove all doubt. It is amazing to me to see just how true that is. There are many people that speak to hear themselves speak or in the case of the internet, write to see their words on the public screen. If everyone took a step back at times and really thought about what they were going to say, the level of humanity and respect in this world would rise at least ten fold. Just because a person is able to speak or write what they think is right, does not necessarily mean it is uplifting, supporting, encouraging or helpful to the greater good of mankind.

I'm left with the thought about how our words impact water and since our bodies are around 70% water (give or take), words impact us powerfully. All one has to do is read some of the research that Dr. Masaru Emoto has done or try some of the experiments he has done to see the effects. The words we put out say a lot about how we view humanity and how we view ourselves. Just changing the words that we speak or write, has an enormous effect on the world around us.

Sometimes the wiser person is the one that can walk away from the discussion because they see the bigger and broader picture of life. Needing to be right in everything does very little advance human consciousness along.


Further Reading:
1) Hidden Messages (blog post 3/30/2009)
2) Hidden Messages In Water by Dr. Masaru Emoto



Blog Post & Images (c) 2/19/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

Fundamentalist Brainwashing

Over the past several days and in fact in the past few years especially, I have watched through the observer's eyes just how little people really listen to one another. There is a fever of people feeling that what they feel is right justifies how they view everything else in life and how they act. It is like my father used to repeat over and over, "my way or the highway".

Growing up in a fundamentalist home, I saw that if you didn't believe as the family patriarchs expected you to believe that you were a less than human. You were pronounced wrong by the judge, jury and executioner. It mattered little what facts or evidence you had because when the patriarchal judge made the ruling, it was final. There was no appeal process and even if there would have been, the ruling would have been for the the patriarchal judge.

Of course, everyone in said kingdom (i.e. the family) was expected to follow the ruling exactly whether they agreed with it or not. There was no questioning the ruling or evidence used to base the decision on for the judgment. In fact, you did not even silently purport to disagree with what had transpired. It was like the patriarch could read your thoughts. If no thoughts were read, than somehow the patriarchal judge could would find out. If they found out, you were damned if you do and damned if you did not.

There were two major consequences of any action where judgment was rendered. This went both for the "guilty" party and for any other party that tried to show compassion or understanding towards the "guilty" party. The consequential actions included but were not limited to 1)the silent treatment and 2)counseling by the church pastor (minister). If the silent treatment did not bring the expected result or bring the "guilty" party into line, than the minister was brought in to show the "guilty" party the error of their ways. Of course, these consequential actions were in addition to any punishment that may have been issued and declared.

While this may sound extreme or unusual to many reading it, it was a normal experience in my family. The patriarchal judgment was supreme and everyone was expected to follow the judgment without question for as the church taught, the "father" was the head of the family. Any deviation from that meant that you were not following God and becoming Christ like, which meant you were headed to hell. Everyone in the family had heard enough Sunday morning sermons to know that they did not want to go to hell. It was a very effective system for the patriarchal judge in the family but complete brainwashing for the members of the kingdom.

Today, I continue to see this same scenario play out in the world around me. Whether it is in politics, churches, societies or political parties, the references are familiar. I have seen it play out in my family over and over again and it still continues to this day. The only thing is, I no longer wish to play this game. This game has become old to me and is no longer one I want to participate in to be part of the kingdom. This does infuriate the kingdom though but in my mind, I no longer am concerned.

There must be many others in our society who have been raised from infants to play the same game. Yes, I'm sure the games had many variations from the one I was taught to play but all of them have one constant effect and that effect is brainwashing. If thoughts, judgments, experiences or critical thinking processes are manipulated and dictated by a few, brainwashing becomes the norm. The brainwashing does not end when the individuals flee the kingdom for by that time, these things have become intricate parts of the individual's nature, biology and everyday thought patterns.

We often identify brainwashing in other people, other societies, nations and countries, but usually for those who have brainwashed, they are unable to identify it in themselves. It is understandable because if critical thinking, judgment and experiences are controlled by a limited number of individuals (i.e. father, minister, siblings or other adults), than how can we expect our people of this world to be aware of a different path in life. It stands to reason like the church says, "what you sow, so will you reap".

The brainwashing of people takes place every day because the ego desires power, control, money and absolute discipleship by anyone it deems to be under its power. This starts many times in the family and is reinforced by the church. In our current day and age, the government, political parties and news media all play major roles in perpetuating the era of brainwashing. Each of these willing participants do not even recognize that they are involved or this is taking place because they have been so conditioned in their life, that brainwashing seems normal.

If you really step back in our world and observe, you will see this taking place throughout our world. It isn't just other countries that brainwash their citizens. It is all countries. If it is difficult to see, try turning the TV news off for a month or two and see how that changes you. You may want to critically look at all the beliefs you were raised with and question each one of them. Can you unequivocally prove every fact that rules your life? You may consider turning off the news websites that you follow and that feed your ego to give yourself a moment of evaluation. There are many ways to begin doing this and the ones I have listed are only a few examples.

We are becoming a world where screaming and yelling is done because we have been brainwashed into thinking our way is the right way, and we must save everyone else from the error of our way. It has been programmed into humans for many years. These right and wrong practices are bringing us dangerously close to a time where not only violence may occur but that we will be building a world of less than human offspring.

As humans, we are meant to evolve and grow and become more aware of ourselves and the world around us. Our brain is designed for that and yet, we are failing humanity in this day and age. For humanity and the world to be all that it can be, we must first start with ourselves. We must take steps to discover who we are exactly, what makes us tick and what the purpose is for our life. Anything less than this brings us to meaningless exchanges of brainwashing and each individual who chooses to not be fully aware and conscious inflicts harm upon civilization.

We are designed for much more than we currently are embracing in life and my ferverent hope is that each human in this world will begin to understand the role they are playing. Only then, will we have the ability to evolve as a world and as humans.

For Further Reading:
1) Anger In Our World
2) Our Screaming And Yelling Affect Others
3) Hope And Possibility Through Trauma


Blog Post & Images (c) 1/13/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only