Abused By Being Ignored

(Written By Don Shetterly)

This is a big trigger for me, and right now it is in full force.  It isn't just one trigger, but multiple ones from multiple sources right now.  Being ignored is not something that is easy for me to deal with in life.

At one time, the abusers sought to ignore me if I didn't do what they wanted.  It wasn't just me as they did it to everyone in the house.  Ignoring you meant you were less than and not worthy of love or attention or even one iota of concern.  This was in addition to having to fight for attention from others in the family that did so much stupid stuff, they readily got attention.

I don't deal with this well.  In fact, as I'm writing this I think I should just go completely quiet and never speak to anyone again.  I'll stop tweeting, texting, and blogging.  That's the way I feel at this moment.

For me, my friends and people I know mean the world to me.  You don't get past that wall very easily, and when you do, you're very special to me.  I realize that everyone has their busy lives with jobs, work, family, and other things.  I get that.  I really do.

Some days, I feel like if I went and ranted and raved about the latest political firestorm of the day, others would listen and want to engage.  I just have no desire to swim in that mud pit.  I'm not about to start because I see the political firestorms as being nothing more than people screaming while no one is listening.

I feel hurt when I think I'm being ignored, regardless of the reason or issue or who is doing it.  Most likely others don't mean to ignore me, but it feels that way.  When I feel that, it triggers all kinds of bad thoughts in my mind of not being loved or wanted just like many years ago.

For now, I'm probably going to take time away from answering any emails or trying to initiate any emails.  I'm going to ease up on social media a little more because to be quite honest, I'm not sure if it is really worth it.  Maybe this is the way for me to see this.  I don't know.

I try to be there for many, but some days, I feel like I walk alone.  I'm feeling hurt right now and unwanted and unloved.  Maybe tomorrow when I wake up, it will be a new day.  One can hope, can't they?

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Hurt By Silence

Growing up, it was the weapon of choice.  My family knew how to use silence and they could out duel anyone with this weapon at a moment's notice.  I was hurt by silence as a kid and I'm still hurt by it today.

It didn't matter if the "crime" you were sentenced to justified the punishment, but silence was always one of the measures that was taken.  Yes, there were other punishments as well, but the silence played a key role in any judgment handed down.

In fact, when someone was given the silent treatment, the entire family knew that this was happening.  You did not dare cross the line of speaking to that particular family member because if you did, you risked getting the silent treatment upon yourself.  If this happened, most of the time any other person would be free from silence jail if they were in it.

I freak out at silence...

I struggle with this today.  Whether it is a friend or some business contact, if there is silence, I'm beginning to freak out.  I can't deal with it that easy.  It was such a weapon growing up that the slightest hint it is being employed and I'm down the river.

If you didn't do what the family expected, you got the silent treatment.  If you didn't answer a question in the way they demanded and expected, you got the silent treatment.  If you gave them a look that caused them to feel threatened or wounded, you got the silent treatment.

If you disobeyed their every command or decided to embark upon a decision all by yourself, you got the silent treatment.  If you dared to not follow the pack, you got the silent treatment.  If you even gave the slightest hint that you might share something from the family with anyone else, you got the silent treatment.

So many unwritten rules...

There were so many unwritten rules where they would pronounce you the judgment of being thrown into the silence jail.  When that sentence would be lifted was up to them and almost had nothing to do with what you did or did not do.

You could beg and plead, but that usually got you an extended sentence.  The best way out of it was to hope that another member of the family screwed up in some way and they got sentenced to silence.  There was generally only a place for one person in the silence jail.

It was horrible having people around you, but they wouldn't speak to you.  It was gut wrenching.  It was nerve racking.

As a member of the family, you were not allowed to pronounce silence on any other unless they were less significant than you.  However, the patriarch judge of the family was the supreme ruler with no appeal process.  He and he alone doled out the silent treatment.

To this day...

To this day, I can't stand the silent treatment. If you want to lose me as a friend, give me the silent treatment and see how far that goes.

As I once told a boss who was worried that I was upset with him, "as long as I'm talking to you, I'm not upset."   Its when I get silent that usually signals I'm upset.  For if I get too upset, I find it better to just not say anything because my words will not come out correctly.

Silence messes with your mind.  It makes you feel less than.  It is a control and manipulation technique that was passed down to me which I try hard to never use.  Unfortunately I am human and I was taught well how to employ this technique.

At times in life, I'm hurt by silence.  I love hearing the sounds of someone's voice, or the thoughts of someone that is a thinker.  I love to hear the connections made by the utterance of sound and silence stops all that.  Silence prevents all that.  Silence hurts!

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Thrown In The Dog House

We've all heard people talk about being in the dog house. Often times, it is a joke amongst friends but in many situations, this is real life.

Growing up in my house, you either followed the law of the land, or you were thrown in the doghouse, so to speak. No, it was not a physical dog house but a hypothetical one. It easily could have been real though. The law of the land was the rules that were made up on the spot, to keep you in line, force you to do something against your will, or for the amusement and enjoyment of the king. It is important to note that these rules were ever changing, and many times you did not know about them, until they were enacted against the offense you committed.

Before I mislead you to think that these were major wrongs that you committed in life, they were nothing of the sort! In fact, if one didn't put shirts on a hanger correctly (with the hanger pointing a certain direction) or if you didn't fold towels correctly and without error, these were considered major offenses. There were many rules that we had to follow and often we were literally beat for not following these things. It didn't matter what age you were, or how good you had been for days before these things happened. The only thing that mattered, was that the king found a way to show you who was boss!

Fundamentalist Brainwashing

Over the past several days and in fact in the past few years especially, I have watched through the observer's eyes just how little people really listen to one another. There is a fever of people feeling that what they feel is right justifies how they view everything else in life and how they act. It is like my father used to repeat over and over, "my way or the highway".

Growing up in a fundamentalist home, I saw that if you didn't believe as the family patriarchs expected you to believe that you were a less than human. You were pronounced wrong by the judge, jury and executioner. It mattered little what facts or evidence you had because when the patriarchal judge made the ruling, it was final. There was no appeal process and even if there would have been, the ruling would have been for the the patriarchal judge.

Of course, everyone in said kingdom (i.e. the family) was expected to follow the ruling exactly whether they agreed with it or not. There was no questioning the ruling or evidence used to base the decision on for the judgment. In fact, you did not even silently purport to disagree with what had transpired. It was like the patriarch could read your thoughts. If no thoughts were read, than somehow the patriarchal judge could would find out. If they found out, you were damned if you do and damned if you did not.

There were two major consequences of any action where judgment was rendered. This went both for the "guilty" party and for any other party that tried to show compassion or understanding towards the "guilty" party. The consequential actions included but were not limited to 1)the silent treatment and 2)counseling by the church pastor (minister). If the silent treatment did not bring the expected result or bring the "guilty" party into line, than the minister was brought in to show the "guilty" party the error of their ways. Of course, these consequential actions were in addition to any punishment that may have been issued and declared.

While this may sound extreme or unusual to many reading it, it was a normal experience in my family. The patriarchal judgment was supreme and everyone was expected to follow the judgment without question for as the church taught, the "father" was the head of the family. Any deviation from that meant that you were not following God and becoming Christ like, which meant you were headed to hell. Everyone in the family had heard enough Sunday morning sermons to know that they did not want to go to hell. It was a very effective system for the patriarchal judge in the family but complete brainwashing for the members of the kingdom.

Today, I continue to see this same scenario play out in the world around me. Whether it is in politics, churches, societies or political parties, the references are familiar. I have seen it play out in my family over and over again and it still continues to this day. The only thing is, I no longer wish to play this game. This game has become old to me and is no longer one I want to participate in to be part of the kingdom. This does infuriate the kingdom though but in my mind, I no longer am concerned.

There must be many others in our society who have been raised from infants to play the same game. Yes, I'm sure the games had many variations from the one I was taught to play but all of them have one constant effect and that effect is brainwashing. If thoughts, judgments, experiences or critical thinking processes are manipulated and dictated by a few, brainwashing becomes the norm. The brainwashing does not end when the individuals flee the kingdom for by that time, these things have become intricate parts of the individual's nature, biology and everyday thought patterns.

We often identify brainwashing in other people, other societies, nations and countries, but usually for those who have brainwashed, they are unable to identify it in themselves. It is understandable because if critical thinking, judgment and experiences are controlled by a limited number of individuals (i.e. father, minister, siblings or other adults), than how can we expect our people of this world to be aware of a different path in life. It stands to reason like the church says, "what you sow, so will you reap".

The brainwashing of people takes place every day because the ego desires power, control, money and absolute discipleship by anyone it deems to be under its power. This starts many times in the family and is reinforced by the church. In our current day and age, the government, political parties and news media all play major roles in perpetuating the era of brainwashing. Each of these willing participants do not even recognize that they are involved or this is taking place because they have been so conditioned in their life, that brainwashing seems normal.

If you really step back in our world and observe, you will see this taking place throughout our world. It isn't just other countries that brainwash their citizens. It is all countries. If it is difficult to see, try turning the TV news off for a month or two and see how that changes you. You may want to critically look at all the beliefs you were raised with and question each one of them. Can you unequivocally prove every fact that rules your life? You may consider turning off the news websites that you follow and that feed your ego to give yourself a moment of evaluation. There are many ways to begin doing this and the ones I have listed are only a few examples.

We are becoming a world where screaming and yelling is done because we have been brainwashed into thinking our way is the right way, and we must save everyone else from the error of our way. It has been programmed into humans for many years. These right and wrong practices are bringing us dangerously close to a time where not only violence may occur but that we will be building a world of less than human offspring.

As humans, we are meant to evolve and grow and become more aware of ourselves and the world around us. Our brain is designed for that and yet, we are failing humanity in this day and age. For humanity and the world to be all that it can be, we must first start with ourselves. We must take steps to discover who we are exactly, what makes us tick and what the purpose is for our life. Anything less than this brings us to meaningless exchanges of brainwashing and each individual who chooses to not be fully aware and conscious inflicts harm upon civilization.

We are designed for much more than we currently are embracing in life and my ferverent hope is that each human in this world will begin to understand the role they are playing. Only then, will we have the ability to evolve as a world and as humans.

For Further Reading:
1) Anger In Our World
2) Our Screaming And Yelling Affect Others
3) Hope And Possibility Through Trauma


Blog Post & Images (c) 1/13/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only

Hurt By People Who Mean Well

To many times in life, we have those busy bodies who think they are really trying to help us by their comments. I get it all the time in my life from people I know well to others who barely know me. Everyone thinks they have the "right answers" for us to LISTEN to.

Especially when it comes to talking about abuse from those who are survivors of child sexual abuse, the comments range from the following (and by no means is this an exhaustive list).

"Well maybe now you can move on and get past this"

"You just need to stay positive with your life and forget all of this bad stuff"

"You just need to let go of these things and give them up to God"

"God will take care of everything"

"Just pray about it"

"You need to forgive those that did this to you"

"I no longer let this stuff rule my life - I've healed from it all"

"It's time to move on"

"Let bygones by bygones"

"I just think happy thoughts"


And if these statements don't do enough, there are the families that use the "silent treatment" hoping that if they ignore you, it will all go away. I know that one well because it is used against me all the time. They think that the "silent treatment" will bring me into line and I've got a news bulletin for them - IT WON'T! The silent treatment helps others to ignore things that are just messy for them to think about. It is like it makes it so convenient for them to live their lives.

Going back to the statements above for a moment, I'm sure you have heard these or others like them. There are many more that could be added to the list. While these people appear to mean well, most of the time their comments are about as insensitive as you can get. These comments often hurt those that are forced to hear them. Granted, we've all probably made comments at one time or another where we weren't as sensitive and understanding as we could be.

I often find though that the people who think they have healed or moved on are usually just kidding themselves. By them trying to get you to not talk about these things, makes it easier for them to not have to face up with that painful side of their life. They won't admit that to themselves or to you but if you look beyond the words and read between the lines, you'll see what I'm talking about.

Healing from past issues of our life or healing from being a survivor of child abuse isn't like you wake up one day and poof, it no longer affects your life or matters to you. It is a process where you put more and more distance between you and the traumatic moments your mind has recorded. However, healing is not about masking the pain of the past or wishing and hoping it wasn't there.

Healing is about going into the pain and becoming more aware and conscious. The more you become aware of in your life, it leads to further healing. The more healing you get, the more you become aware of your life. It is an ongoing cycle of life that we should all be engaged in regardless of what we have been through in our lives.

So, if we act like everything is completely fine in our life or that we have moved on, it usually means I don't want to deal with the painful part of my life that I know exists. It means that I'd rather like to just ignore it as I can't deal with it. It does not mean that what we try to state is actually what it means. As hard as we try to silence the message, until the messenger is heard, it cannot be silenced. We can try but at some point, the messenger will be so strong that it will get our attention and hopefully we listen to it before it is too late.

You can run from your past but it will always be there. Eventually, it will catch up with you. It is up to each one of us whether we will continue running or we will become one with our past.

But please - if you are not wanting to deal with situations in your life, don't hurt others by throwing around insensitive comments. At least respect where they are at in their lives but don't just inflict your own pain upon them through your hurtful comments. It does not do a body good.


(c) 12/5/10 by Don Shetterly - use by permission only

Trauma: Biological Connections

When you have lost the most basic biological connections you have in life, everything seems to lack the proper foundation. Many in our world go without these biological connections. I am not referring only to an absent father or a missing parent. This is much deeper than that.

One of those biological connections is to be wanted from birth. To be looked upon as something parents do not want is a recipe for disaster. Even if it is subtle and not intentional, this lack of connection has profound life-long effects. In my case, when I was a baby, my father was sick with a contagious illness. For some unknown reason to me, I was also in the hospital. My mother had to make a choice of either visiting my father or me but because of the contagious illness my father had, she could not visit both of us. For some reason, my mother chose to be near my dad while he recovered. Of course, I was so young that I don't remember the details but to this day, I feel the rejection. It has been a devastating event that has impacted me throughout my life.

Another biological connection I missed was having a father that was not there for me emotionally. My memories of him at an early age was an abusive and angry person. Saying he had a temper would have been a gross understatement. Emotionally he was numb to his own feelings and so there was no way he could connect with anyone in the family. With me being a highly sensitive person, it was a recipe for disaster in my life. My father's idea of emotions was found in his controlling, manipulative and abusive actions we were part of each day of our life.

The ultimate biological connection I missed was to be raped and violated sexually as a child. By the time I was five years old, I was introduced to a world of trauma. The trauma and abuse did not begin to stop until I moved to college. Once my father began to slow down on the daily abuse with me, my older brother picked up the pace. We were taught to hold these secrets within ourselves by reinforcement through physical, verbal and emotional abuse. My body did not know what normal was when it came to touch. Touch had been replaced by trauma. My body only knew that it was being violated at the whim of those who were my caretakers. Instead of showing me love and affection, my caretakers in life were the ones manipulating all that a young child holds sacred in this world. This affected me for many years to come and there is still not a day that goes by where the effects are not felt. The shame and guilt carried as a result of these acts was tremendous.

After I was hospitalized for paralysis, I suffered a harsh treatment from the family giving me the silent treatment. Even though this biological connection had been disrupted before in my life, this time is was permanent. Once again, having a family completely reject you through some of the most hate filled words of a letter was painful beyond imagination. The only way to survive this torment and trauma was cutting off all ties with them. Their silent treatment and manipulation was the final dagger to my heart. By silent treatment, I imply that unless you did as the family expected, you were the outcast. Various forms of the silent treatment were used to bring you back in line, if you did not come to your senses as the family would suggest.

Through each of these severed biological connections, I was forced into a world of trauma and banishment. Not having these connections, stole the foundations of my life from me. While I have worked to build the foundations later in my life, I find that it is extremely difficult. For when these things are missed, it is as if you are putting half baked bricks together without cement in building the walls of your life. There is no way that these walls can stand the test of time.

So with courage, determination and hard work, I have been able to deconstruct some of these walls and begin building up my own walls. It is neither an easy process or a fast one. Missing those biological connections so early in life has clouded my view of what others consider to be normal experiences. I continue to build the walls of my life replacing those missed biological connections with new experiences.

Anyone who has experienced these things in life, knows that the steps to healing are difficult and few really understand the process. In order to survive and grow in life, it becomes a necessary step of healing. The bumps and bruises along the way are painful but each time a block is added to the wall, there is cause for celebration and joy.


(Above Picture taken - (c) 12/05/06)

*Read other articles on Mind Body Thoughts Blog

The Silent Treatment Sentence

There are some things I just don't understand in life. Like, how people can somehow be oblivious to the way they treat others. Their silence or aloofness can feel like a sword thrust into the body. It may not mean much to them but it means so much to others.

Of course, growing up in a house where insults were hurled at the speed of light in a very subtle way, these interactions of communication get very difficult. In times past, one was not allowed to defend themselves or even stand up for your self. It was take it as it comes with no questions asked. If you did manage to question things, most likely you were awarded and given the silent treatment.

The silent treatment was given in hopes that you would come to your senses. It's purpose was to bring you in line with the wishes and desires of the family. Then, if you worked hard enough and were as nice as you could possibly be, you might have the sentence of the silent treatment lifted. Most of the time though, your efforts fell short.

The quickest way out of the silent treatment, was if another member of the family did something to receive the same sentence. Usually there could not be more than one person being shunned and in the doghouse at a time. Most of the time, the family only had the fortitude to hate one member at the moment. Some might argue that "hate" is to strong of an action word to describe this but it sure felt that way.

Before anyone thinks that the silent treatment sentence was given for major infractions, lets set the record straight. It could have been given for the smallest things you did or did not necessarily do. In fact, you might have been unaware of any thing you did to deserve it, but without a doubt, you knew you were being given the silent treatment. Often it was given in circumstances where you disagreed with the family in some area of life and this could include a vast array of situations. Sometimes though, if you followed your heart's desires or longings and the family rulers felt this was wrong for you, the silent treatment began. I could give example after example on this.

Growing up and even now in life, a lack of communication or even poor communication can feel like the silent treatment to me. Most likely others don't mean to be this way but I'm finding that so many just don't know how to communicate. It is difficult though for me to separate out communication problems from the fears of being given the silent treatment.

The loneliness one feels when the world is silent to you is so hurtful. It registers within my gut and holds my breath as if I have said the wrong thing. It makes me to never cease working to hopefully get people to like me. The feeling of the silent treatment is exhausting to my mind and my body.

I've come leap years through this but sometimes it is all I can do to keep it in perspective. Life sometimes throws challenges my way to help me heal this, but that can come with great difficulty and stress. for now, I keep trying to recognize that the old tapes are playing and that I am free to live my life as I choose. I am no longer bound to those messages I was taught as a child unless I continue to allow myself to be. I recognize there will be speed bumps as I continue to grow and heal but the more I reclaim of myself, the more I discover exactly who I am.


*For more articles, check out the Mind Body Thoughts Blog

The Silent Treatment

iTunes Podcast Version

Silence can be golden but silence can also be one of the main weapons in the arsenal of an abuser. Time and time again, I read so many stories of people who were silenced in their families to keep the dirty secrets of abuse hidden from the outside world. It is a cunning and crafty weapon full of evil that happens without the blink of an eye or the initiation of a thought.

Many times, those outside the realm of abuse struggle to understand why a victim stays silent. What seems as opportunities for a victim to speak up or to to flee or to ask for help is nothing more than a fantasy land for the victim. In addition to the trauma that has been imposed upon the victim from day one, there is the fear of what will happen if they do and there is the altered reality of what seems normal to a victim and what does not. Through trauma, the biology and physiology of a person is changed and so things that may look like normal reality to most, will not look the same to the person who has gone through this. It is two different realities and both have the feeling of it being normal.

Most abuse occurs right before people's eyes and it often goes unnoticed. Much of the reason that this occurs outside of the fear and shame that is present, is that the abuser is able to silence the victim. The victim may often not be aware this is going on and by the time they are, the patterns have been so ingrained that to change this, is nothing short of rock climbing up the tallest mountain.

In many homes where religion is practiced in some form, the church and its teachings play into the silencing of the victims. For it is taught many times that children must be seen and not heard as well as they must obey their parents. In many churches, obeying the parents also translates into obeying a priest, minister, pope or some other figure. These basic things are taught from our own early years and so they become a way of normal reality and of life instead of something that should be questioned.

A child looks up to their parents when they are born. In the early years of life, the parent is the provider of everything to that child. The parent is the sole authority and if the abuser is a parent, than the silencing plays into normal development but it is anything but normal for the child. In the hands of the wrong person, an adult can manipulate a child through silence into doing things or being a part of things that otherwise the child would not do. Children are naturally curious as well and so if they are offered something that is unknown to them in safety of silence, many children would gravitate towards it. When adults abuse this basic innocence and curiosity in a child, they forfeit their ability to be human.

Often silencing is done through threats. Threats can be anything from "you might break up the family if you say anything" to "others will just not understand". It may be more dramatic in that if you say anything, something terrible might happen to your brother, sister, pet, your sacred belongings, home or other parent. The ways to silence a child are limited only by the imagination and creativity at the evil hands of the abuser.

I speak from my own experience in all of this because there are things that I'm just now finding out which happened in the family and I did not know. Here I lived in the same family and still did not know. That is mind boggling to me. Unfortunately, this is often the case in most families and most situations where children are being victimized.

Look at what has happened in the Catholic Church with the sex abuse cases involving the priests. Much of this went on for years often unnoticed by the parents or other adults. It isn't only the Catholic Church that has this going on either. Most churches have something that is hidden deep from view and most likely hidden from the people who go there. For me, I was abused in the bathroom of a church basement while the church service was going on overhead. If anyone knew about it, no one ever spoke up or acknowledged it. I doubt that most of the congregation even knew what was happening below them as they worshiped God that Sunday morning.

My family was very adept at hiding all that was going on. Most people were shocked and horrified when they found out I was being molested on a daily basis. To them, we had the ideal family with the well behaved children who always minded their parents. It looked like we were the perfect family to those around us and not even teachers in school suspected anything. If they did, they remained silent.

While we all want to gasp at the news of someone who has been exposed from abusing a child, the child abusers and molesters aren't out in some unknown place. It usually happens right in our own neighborhoods, schools, churches and communities. Most children that have been abused know who their abusers are. The unknown sex offenders do strike but most are known to the child. Think about that for a moment! So do not think for a moment that you are far removed from this horrible, deep, silent secret running through our society. It is everywhere and it is much more prevalent than anyone wants to admit.

A little bit about my own story in how I was silenced. My abuser was good at putting the fear of God and the fear of everything else into me. As an early child, I was separated from my parents because of illness. While I was too young to really remember this, I can feel the affects of it still in my life. What young child wants to be separated from their family and the fear of that is enough to make any child do what is asked of them. On top of that, you add some violence deeply rooted in anger and the fear of being separated is reinforced a hundred fold. So when things were done to me and backed up by the violence, the fear and being told that if I ever said anything, I would be splitting the family up; my choice at that early age was to go along with what was being done. I was too young at that time to make a rational choice and by the time I was old enough to truly understand what was going on, it had become a way of life.

In my family, silence was furthered by giving the "silent treatment" to those in the family that did not obey the rules or who chose to speak up and attempted to stand up. The silent treatment was meant to bring you back in line in no uncertain terms and if that didn't work, corrective methods progressed. The silent treatment may have been done for much lessor infractions as well or things that would appear to most people to not even matter in life. In my family, one could be beaten for putting silverware away wrong in a drawer or given the silent treatment for days and months because there was some misunderstanding. I saw these things time and time again and to this day, they still haunt me.

Many years ago, I created an online survivor site for victims of child abuse called "breaking the silence". I was so tired of being silenced all my life and living in fear that I knew it was time for me to speak up and to speak out. No longer was I going to live by the rules of the family where these horrible and despicable acts had taken place by my abusers. That was their shredded sense of humanity, love and life but it was no longer going to be mine. Since this time, I have slowly learned how to speak up for myself, to bring to light all that happened and to say once and for all from the highest mountains on the earth - I will not be silenced anymore! I gave up too many years of my life already in being silent and no longer will I be manipulated by anyone in this regards.

If you are reading this and it resonates with you, please accept my hug of support to you. I know how difficult it is. I was the child who sat off by himself not able to do first grade math. I was the child who tried to please everyone so as to not potentially upset anyone and drive them away. I was the child who put the happy face on when I left our house each day so that no one would know the secrets I buried each day within myself. I was the child who was hurting inside and no one either noticed or was too afraid to step up and help me. And if you're reading this and connecting to it, please know that you're not alone.

For me silence took another drastic step in my life. Part of this is what I did to protect myself but part of it is what my family further inflicted on me. One of the hardest things I had to do in my life was remove myself from the family. The incessant weekly letters ripping me to shreds resulted in having anxiety attacks just walking to my mailbox. At one point, I could take this no more and asked a friend to read the letters but only let me know if there was something I needed to know. Otherwise, I didn't want to see them. It was the beginning for me to start saying, enough is enough. While I remained silent for the most part with them except for occasional letters I would write, the silent treatment began in earnest. The things that happened were beyond belief. And in the years ahead, the silence between us grew to the point of absolutely no communication. At the time, it was excruciating to me to deal with this and to have no contact but it was necessary for my survival. The lengths that they went to in giving me the silent treatment would blow anyone's mind.

Now I view any communication with my family in a much different way. I have created a life for myself and with people who I love and trust. I don't need my family in the same unhealthy way that I once did. While I would love to have a normal relationship with them, I'm not sure if that will happen any time soon or even in my lifetime. I am ok with that because I know that I will never allow myself to be silenced again and the silent treatment holds no power over me. I'm moving beyond that part of my life.

If you have been given the silent treatment, I would love to hear your story so please feel free to write me or leave a comment. If you know of some child that may fit this scenario, see if you can find a way to help that child. Don't let them continue to be in the abusive situation because you are afraid to rock the boat. A child in an abusive situation often has no one to stand up for them. I wish someone would have come along and somehow rescued me or stood up for me. I wish someone could have helped me break the silence in my life.

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