Buck Up or Man Up!

Written by Don Shetterly

This topic gets under my skin so quickly.  When I hear someone tell me or another person to "BUCK UP or MAN UP" I want to do some things that are not nice thoughts.  How anyone can be this inconsiderate and  not compassionate is beyond my wildest comprehension of humanity.

To say these things to anyone is very harmful and shows you know very little about what someone is going through.  It is degrading and toxic.  It is spitting in their face from what they are going through in their life.

Why people do this, I'll never understand!  It is far from human and just about as mean as one could get.  It is almost like someone is trying to push you over the cliff thinking they are doing something good for you.  With friends like this, who needs enemies!

We don't know how to respect one another...

Yes, I understand that in this day and age, we have no clue what it means to be human.  We don't know how to respect one another.  We don't know how to have compassion and love for one another.

All we seem to know how to do is spout off nonsense and tear each other apart.  We have no concept of what empathy means or compassion.  We just have to force our beliefs and opinions of what we think is helpful on to every person around us.  This is not being human.  It is far from that concept!

Often times we tell others what we should be telling ourselves.  Yet, we're so unconscious that we can't even see what we are doing. What comes out of our mouth is not meant to be toxic poison on another person.  It is meant for us to say to ourselves or reconcile to what is truly helpful.

Two Ears and ONE mouth...

We were given one mouth and two ears.  We should really use them in an appropriate amount but for some reason, we as humans in this world think that we have to talk twice as much as we listen.  This could not be further from the truth.

When someone is going through a difficult moment, it is not up to you to have the answers.  Sometimes just listening to them can be the biggest help.  By listening to them, I mean using your ears more than your mouth.  Sorry, if this sounds harsh, but it is time we had some wake-up calls in this world.

Heaping more stress on someone...

Saying BUCK UP or MAN UP does nothing for anyone.  You just end up heaping a little more stress on a person when you do this.  You should that you're not that compassionate and you really don't care about what they are going through.  You are more interested in telling them what YOU think they should do.

Telling someone to BUCK UP or MAN UP is like hitting them with a car, then backing up and driving over them again.   If you don't think it is as harmful as this, try going through a very difficult ordeal in your life and see what it feels like when someone does this to you.

We've got to learn how to be more compassionate with people.  We are past the point of no return and every day we share and retweet what we do, we're proving that beyond a shadow of a doubt.  Every time we tell others what we think as if it was the truth, we're degrading all of humanity into something that means nothing.

It isn't all the other people out there with the problem.  It is each one of us and how we react, what we share and say to people we know and the world that is the problem.  Let's talk from our heart with love, not scream words our ego dictates to us.  If we change how we communicate and how we see others, we will improve the world many times over.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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The Things People Say

I am completely amazed some days.  What humans do often tend to baffle me, but they are peculiar creatures.  The things people say are one of the things that often baffles me to the point where I question the evolution of our species in a positive way.

Things that people say are often not thought out.  They just blurt out (especially online in social media), whatever comes to their mouth or fingers.  Their brains don't even have a moment to filter or cross check the bit of communication.  It is just say it because they can.

Empathy or respect is missing...

Empathy or respect or consideration is not present when people say things to one another.  It is like, I'm going to tell you what I think I must say regardless of thinking how it might affect you.  It is like speaking and writing without even considering if this is the best way to bring things out.

Often, much of the things people say are just not needed.  If they stayed silent, the earth would still continue.  If they didn't bloviate, the sun would still rise and set.  Yet, these days everyone thinks that the world needs to know every thought they have.  They think that everyone needs to know their point of view.

Stop and think for a moment...

If we could all just stop and think for a moment before we type something online or say something, it would help the world in ways no one can even imagine.  It would make the world a much more peaceful place.  It would improve the intelligence of our communication.

I don't understand the need for humans to say some of the things they say online.  Most of it is hurtful and disrespectful and just not good for the advancement of a society.  It is done without regard for others, and is the ego screaming at full strength by the person speaking or writing the words.

 

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How much better we could be if we learned to respect one another.  How much better could we be if we thought a moment before we opened our mouth or commented online.  How much better could we be if communication was a perfected art, rather than the lowest common denominator.

My question to you that I leave is, how do you watch what you say?  Do you monitor it and are respectful, or do you let it rip - especially online?  Comment below and let me know.  I'd love to hear from you.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Commenting Online Without Thinking

I'm always amazed at just how people respond online. Back in the good ol days of administering message boards, I remember people would comment without thinking. Soon thereafter, a war on the message board would be started. Nowadays, it is not confined to message boards, but to all areas of the internet like news articles, news pundits and social networking sharing.

Lately, I've seen some stories appear on the headlines of the local news sites and it isn't but a matter of moments before people start posting horrible comments. Now, I know that not everyone agrees with each other or likes what the other stands for, but when a story of tragedy hits, is it really a good thing to make hurtful, mean and disrespectful comments?

The discourse in this world is sad, especially in the US! We see it on TV, we hear it from our politicians, the media pundits, and then from all the everyday citizens who comment on the news articles with their biased rants of opinion disguised as fact.

Even after the Oprah show, I remember having people send me some not so nice comments about the Male Survivor episode (Nov 2010 – Read Blog Post). Most people were generally supportive but a few really put the sour icing on the cake! Some of my own family were supportive but a few treated me as though I didn't exist because I exposed a family secret.

We all need to stop and think before we sit down and type some anonymous comment out on our computer screen. Even though we cannot see the person on the end and have no idea who they are, our vicious tongue does nothing to build up this country and this world. A well thought out response stated with respect could be a moment of change for many instead of another person adding gas to a forest fire! We may feel we are correct in our views and opinions but if we don’t learn to think and respect each other, there will be no one left to listen to what we say.


Further Reading:
1) Quiet Please, Just Listen
2) Needing To Be Right


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Blog Post & Images (c) 6/06/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

If any part of this post is used or shared, a link back to this site is required.
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The Silent Treatment Sentence

There are some things I just don't understand in life. Like, how people can somehow be oblivious to the way they treat others. Their silence or aloofness can feel like a sword thrust into the body. It may not mean much to them but it means so much to others.

Of course, growing up in a house where insults were hurled at the speed of light in a very subtle way, these interactions of communication get very difficult. In times past, one was not allowed to defend themselves or even stand up for your self. It was take it as it comes with no questions asked. If you did manage to question things, most likely you were awarded and given the silent treatment.

The silent treatment was given in hopes that you would come to your senses. It's purpose was to bring you in line with the wishes and desires of the family. Then, if you worked hard enough and were as nice as you could possibly be, you might have the sentence of the silent treatment lifted. Most of the time though, your efforts fell short.

The quickest way out of the silent treatment, was if another member of the family did something to receive the same sentence. Usually there could not be more than one person being shunned and in the doghouse at a time. Most of the time, the family only had the fortitude to hate one member at the moment. Some might argue that "hate" is to strong of an action word to describe this but it sure felt that way.

Before anyone thinks that the silent treatment sentence was given for major infractions, lets set the record straight. It could have been given for the smallest things you did or did not necessarily do. In fact, you might have been unaware of any thing you did to deserve it, but without a doubt, you knew you were being given the silent treatment. Often it was given in circumstances where you disagreed with the family in some area of life and this could include a vast array of situations. Sometimes though, if you followed your heart's desires or longings and the family rulers felt this was wrong for you, the silent treatment began. I could give example after example on this.

Growing up and even now in life, a lack of communication or even poor communication can feel like the silent treatment to me. Most likely others don't mean to be this way but I'm finding that so many just don't know how to communicate. It is difficult though for me to separate out communication problems from the fears of being given the silent treatment.

The loneliness one feels when the world is silent to you is so hurtful. It registers within my gut and holds my breath as if I have said the wrong thing. It makes me to never cease working to hopefully get people to like me. The feeling of the silent treatment is exhausting to my mind and my body.

I've come leap years through this but sometimes it is all I can do to keep it in perspective. Life sometimes throws challenges my way to help me heal this, but that can come with great difficulty and stress. for now, I keep trying to recognize that the old tapes are playing and that I am free to live my life as I choose. I am no longer bound to those messages I was taught as a child unless I continue to allow myself to be. I recognize there will be speed bumps as I continue to grow and heal but the more I reclaim of myself, the more I discover exactly who I am.


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