My Heart Is Heavy

In less than a month, we have witnessed some horrific moments in this world, especially in this country.  It seems like we are at a crossroads and everyone is attempting to walk down the road that is marked with a "dead end" sign.   I fear that we are getting to a point of no return.

My heart is heavy seeing the news.  In less than a month, we've seen Christine Grimmie shot, the Orlando Shooting took place which killed 49 innocent people and now we've seen someone shot in Louisiana with so many unanswered questions.  We've seen someone be pulled over for a traffic issue only to end up dead.  We've witnessed the horrible unfolding events of Dallas, Texas.  There was an Arab in Ohio that was targeted because of what seems to be someone's fear of a person dressed differently.

(EDITING NOTE:  by the time this publishes, there have been many more instances of violence that had not happened at the time this was written).

How will we rise above where we are?  How will we come together as a nation and civilization?  Or are we doomed to destroy one another out of our fear, beliefs, and ego-based thoughts?

I read social media, and the hatred that is alive and well on these mediums is mind boggling.  There is absolutely no love by those that say they love in God's name.  Okay, I know that's painting a wide brush stroke.  I have friends who love God that don't say these things.  They truly love others.

I see the extremely insensitive social media postings that prove anything but respect for one another.  It is almost as if their beliefs are more important than humanity itself.  It is sad to read and my heart is heavy anytime I see it.

The politicians and church leaders get out there and spread the propaganda of hatred to the world.  The comments I have seen about these shootings or even LGBTq people is mind blowing.  How can we think we have the answers if we spew this horrible rhetoric?

You don't have to believe the same way everyone does, but if you fail to recognize how human an individual is, then you have degraded your own existence and that of the world.  It is not up to others to judge what we do, how we live, or who we are.  It is not up to the few in this country and world to destroy our peace and human nature.

Our journey through life is not easy and if we stand opposed to one another, it will make it that much more difficult.  If we work together, we have a chance of making it and becoming more than we are.  United we stand and divided we fall means so much these days.

My heart is heavy as I see the hatred and fear being spewed as fact and truth.  My heart is heavy as I see humans disrespecting one another and treated each other as less than.

Let's rise above all of this and become more than we are today.  When we are strengthened individually, we give strength to the entire world.  When we tear each other down and harm individuals, we doom the world.

I try hard to not to further the hatred and fear on social media.  There are far too many things said and posted that are not helpful.  They only make the situation much worse.  They only make us less than human.  Be mindful of what you tweet or like or share.  Is it for the highest good of all mankind or is it your own fear that is speaking?

My heart is heavy.  I feel like I have no words to express what will make a difference.  I feel inadequate, but my heart weeps with sadness at the events I see unfold.  My heart is heavy.  My hope still exists that we will rise above this before we've traveled down that dead end road past the point of no return.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

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Bothered By Insensitive Comments and People

Oh, how I would just love to be like all the other people in the world and function normally.  You know, where you've got a skin thick as nails and could care less what other people say or do.  Wait, that's what I wish I was like.  Maybe I should rethink that statement.

At one time, I didn't let it show and I didn't let it bother me what most people said or wrote to me, let alone how they treated me.  I just didn't care and if I did, it was treated like most everything else in my life where I internalized it.  Now, I'm at a point though where my body is waking up and I no longer store everything internally.  As a result, I'm much more sensitive about everything than ever before.

All my life I have been an extremely sensitive person.  In fact, they label my type of people as highly sensitive people.  I'm not sure I want that badge or the sensitivity at times because it seems to just make life harder.  Trying to find my way through it is like trying to sprint through a thorn patch.  It doesn't feel good, nor is it something you desire to do.

Hurt By People Who Mean Well

To many times in life, we have those busy bodies who think they are really trying to help us by their comments. I get it all the time in my life from people I know well to others who barely know me. Everyone thinks they have the "right answers" for us to LISTEN to.

Especially when it comes to talking about abuse from those who are survivors of child sexual abuse, the comments range from the following (and by no means is this an exhaustive list).

"Well maybe now you can move on and get past this"

"You just need to stay positive with your life and forget all of this bad stuff"

"You just need to let go of these things and give them up to God"

"God will take care of everything"

"Just pray about it"

"You need to forgive those that did this to you"

"I no longer let this stuff rule my life - I've healed from it all"

"It's time to move on"

"Let bygones by bygones"

"I just think happy thoughts"


And if these statements don't do enough, there are the families that use the "silent treatment" hoping that if they ignore you, it will all go away. I know that one well because it is used against me all the time. They think that the "silent treatment" will bring me into line and I've got a news bulletin for them - IT WON'T! The silent treatment helps others to ignore things that are just messy for them to think about. It is like it makes it so convenient for them to live their lives.

Going back to the statements above for a moment, I'm sure you have heard these or others like them. There are many more that could be added to the list. While these people appear to mean well, most of the time their comments are about as insensitive as you can get. These comments often hurt those that are forced to hear them. Granted, we've all probably made comments at one time or another where we weren't as sensitive and understanding as we could be.

I often find though that the people who think they have healed or moved on are usually just kidding themselves. By them trying to get you to not talk about these things, makes it easier for them to not have to face up with that painful side of their life. They won't admit that to themselves or to you but if you look beyond the words and read between the lines, you'll see what I'm talking about.

Healing from past issues of our life or healing from being a survivor of child abuse isn't like you wake up one day and poof, it no longer affects your life or matters to you. It is a process where you put more and more distance between you and the traumatic moments your mind has recorded. However, healing is not about masking the pain of the past or wishing and hoping it wasn't there.

Healing is about going into the pain and becoming more aware and conscious. The more you become aware of in your life, it leads to further healing. The more healing you get, the more you become aware of your life. It is an ongoing cycle of life that we should all be engaged in regardless of what we have been through in our lives.

So, if we act like everything is completely fine in our life or that we have moved on, it usually means I don't want to deal with the painful part of my life that I know exists. It means that I'd rather like to just ignore it as I can't deal with it. It does not mean that what we try to state is actually what it means. As hard as we try to silence the message, until the messenger is heard, it cannot be silenced. We can try but at some point, the messenger will be so strong that it will get our attention and hopefully we listen to it before it is too late.

You can run from your past but it will always be there. Eventually, it will catch up with you. It is up to each one of us whether we will continue running or we will become one with our past.

But please - if you are not wanting to deal with situations in your life, don't hurt others by throwing around insensitive comments. At least respect where they are at in their lives but don't just inflict your own pain upon them through your hurtful comments. It does not do a body good.


(c) 12/5/10 by Don Shetterly - use by permission only