We See What We Want To See

I hope that aliens from another world never read the comments posted on news articles, or the items shared on Facebook and Twitter.  If they do, I think we're all doomed.  Reading some of the things that show up on Social Media proves that we see what we want to see.  It doesn't even stop at Social Media as the TV and print news media is as big a part of this as Social Media.

From the Ferguson, MO situation where depending mostly upon your race, you see things in one perspective or another.  Just today I saw a video floating around showing one side of the viewpoint.  Many were sharing this from a major news outlet.  We see what we want to see even though we don't know what it is like to walk a mile in the shoes of the other person.

In the case of Gene Simmons who only thinks people should see depression and suicide through his eyes, we see what we want to see.  Its sad that people get this way, but it is yet another example.

What Surprised Him Most About Humanity

Dalai Lama When Asked
What Surprised Him Most

A blog post on April 16, 2011 has been getting a great deal of attention for reasons which I do not understand.  It had sat dormant for months and then in the past couple of weeks, there is great interest.  The title of the blog post was "Dalai Lama What Surprised Him Most About Humanity".  While I do not know if he actually spoke these words, it was something that I either read or saw in a circulated email that was sent to me.  To be honest, I'm not sure how I came across this quote.

What the quote said was something that I thought showed a lot of wisdom and insight.  Of course, if the Dalai Lama is not the rightful owner of these words, then I would gladly give credit to the true source as long as it could be proven.  Still, with all this aside, the quote says so much if you really read it.

The problem that I have seen though is in the comments left on that post.  To me, the Dalai Lama stands for peace, understanding, respect and working together as one.  Yet, the comments that have been posted on this show anything but what he stands for, in my opinion.  It is hard to imagine how the people making the statements that they make, truly are following the ideals of the Dalai Lama.  Maybe they are searching and still wandering in the desert but it saddens me to read some of what has been said.

You Do Unto Yourself

We've all heard the statement, what you do unto others, you do unto yourself. It's been passed around from person to person, through email, across facebook, twitter and many other places. It is a nice statement that we all love to hear. Yet, does it really mean anything to us?

Take for instance if you read comments on an article in the newspaper. If you read those, most of the time, they turn pretty mean spirited or nasty. I cringe at some of the things that get said on there and then I can't help but think of what we do unto others, we do unto our self. Of course, if you're not one that comments and this doesn't apply to you, read on.

How about the curt word that you give to someone on the phone, in the office or on the street that you may or may not know. Maybe it is some employee in a store or a restaurant that you demand something from or a driver you disagree with on the road. Maybe the scowl or angry stare that you offer to everyone around you. Just consider once again, that what you do unto others, you do unto your self.

Let's take this in a different direction for a moment. How about the healer that attempts to heal the client when their own fears are masking the true nature of the situation. Yet, the healer has decided not to evolve in awareness of how their own fear impacts the work they do on others. Again, let us consider what we do unto others, we also do unto ourselves.

I could continue with many examples of this that we all encounter in every day of our life. Of course, we can choose to act as if the pretty statement that is repeated many times over is our mantra rather than the way we live our life. I'm not talking about each of us being perfect in all that we do. What I am stressing here is that we truly own up to that which we do in our day to others instead of living in an oblivious state to how we truly are impacting others and our self.


Further Reading:
1) Needing To Be Right (Blog Post 2/20/2011)
2) Mindful Words (Blog Post 2/2/2011)




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Blog Post & Images (c) 7/16/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

If any part of this post is used or shared, a link back to this site is required.
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/
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Illusion Of Emotions

I remember growing up and getting letters from my mom where she talked about "HOW" my Dad felt. It was like she was sharing his feelings with me instead of him sitting down and writing it in a letter or calling me.

While I do understand my father wrote extremely poorly and the couple of times he did write a letter to me, the words were blasting me with every baseless and false accusation under the sun. Regardless though, my father never shared his feelings with me or how he felt. Unfortunately, I longed for this connection with him instead of the illusion I received.

These days, our society seem to be fixated on the latest news story of the day. The more tragic, the more horror filled or scandalous, the more fixated we become. It consumes our every moment, conversation and the events that we choose to be a part of in our day. Of course, there is great money to be made in these things so those who follow the media day in and day out, willingly participate in the money grab.

We as a culture and society take these things one step further. We emote and release our feelings through these tragic events by sharing them on social networking sites such as Facebook or Twitter. We comment as if we have a personal connection to the event unfolding. We align ourselves with a political persona to give a voice to what it is we feel inside. Last but not least, we comment on these news stories and we argue with others to prove our points. We press the like buttons, the thumbs up or thumbs down thinking the illusion really does matter.

Our comments, our alignment with politics and the things we constantly share in social networking are how we let our feelings out. These things have become our feelings in life. The awaiting disaster in all of this is that we still have these emotions locked within our mind and body, yet we give our self the illusion that by participating in the media culture of life, we are doing something positive.

Just like my mom in days past, by her speaking for what my Dad felt, it really had little connection to me. I longed to hear his words and connect with him. It was a false illusion that was reality to me just as our current day fixation on what the media or social networking sites feed us as truth. We have yet to figure out the illusion we are living but I hope that one day, it will be replaced with the reality of sharing real connections and feelings, not suppressing them.


Further Reading:
1) Commenting Online Without Thinking (Blog Post 06/07/11)
2) Anger In Our World (Blog Post 1/5/11)



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Blog Post & Images (c) 7/6/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

If any part of this post is used or shared, a link back to this site is required.
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/
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Smiles For Those Comments

Last week, I saw some comments come through to the blog. Most of the time, the comments are full of integrity, character and add value. Occasionally, there are some that just make you scratch your head and wonder about the person writing the comment.

While not everyone has to agree with me on every thing that I write, I do enjoy hearing how my blog posts touch other people. Like many that do comment, I appreciate the respectfulness of people when they are sharing their views and opinions. Often I am warmed by the words they share and what is shared becomes very special to me.

Last week, there was someone that read one of my blog posts and either it triggered something deep within them or they were just having a bad day. They made sure they stated to me that this was a pity blog. Of course, it was quite clear that the individual did not fully read the blog post or really check out the rest of the blog.

I try to write from my experiences and share what I have learned. Much of my subject matter comes from my own struggles through life as I try to open myself up to the world in hopes that someone else will find it helpful or challenge their own views. Often times by me writing what I do on this blog, I learn so much about myself and through what others share with me, that learning is compounded many times over.

The last thing I want this blog to be is a pity blog and hopefully it is not that! Yes, sharing the deep stories about my own journey could likely be seen that way, but only if the rest of the blog post is not read where the learning can be gleaned from the words.

I do realize that no matter how much we write or the way in which we write things, not everyone is going to accept what is said. There are times that I approach subjects on here that are volatile but my hope is that it will help bring about a positive direction in how all of us look at things. I think we can all learn so much from each other if we allow ourselves the opportunity.



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Blog Post & Images (c) 6/11/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

If any part of this post is used or shared, a link back to this site is required.
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/
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Hurt By People Who Mean Well

To many times in life, we have those busy bodies who think they are really trying to help us by their comments. I get it all the time in my life from people I know well to others who barely know me. Everyone thinks they have the "right answers" for us to LISTEN to.

Especially when it comes to talking about abuse from those who are survivors of child sexual abuse, the comments range from the following (and by no means is this an exhaustive list).

"Well maybe now you can move on and get past this"

"You just need to stay positive with your life and forget all of this bad stuff"

"You just need to let go of these things and give them up to God"

"God will take care of everything"

"Just pray about it"

"You need to forgive those that did this to you"

"I no longer let this stuff rule my life - I've healed from it all"

"It's time to move on"

"Let bygones by bygones"

"I just think happy thoughts"


And if these statements don't do enough, there are the families that use the "silent treatment" hoping that if they ignore you, it will all go away. I know that one well because it is used against me all the time. They think that the "silent treatment" will bring me into line and I've got a news bulletin for them - IT WON'T! The silent treatment helps others to ignore things that are just messy for them to think about. It is like it makes it so convenient for them to live their lives.

Going back to the statements above for a moment, I'm sure you have heard these or others like them. There are many more that could be added to the list. While these people appear to mean well, most of the time their comments are about as insensitive as you can get. These comments often hurt those that are forced to hear them. Granted, we've all probably made comments at one time or another where we weren't as sensitive and understanding as we could be.

I often find though that the people who think they have healed or moved on are usually just kidding themselves. By them trying to get you to not talk about these things, makes it easier for them to not have to face up with that painful side of their life. They won't admit that to themselves or to you but if you look beyond the words and read between the lines, you'll see what I'm talking about.

Healing from past issues of our life or healing from being a survivor of child abuse isn't like you wake up one day and poof, it no longer affects your life or matters to you. It is a process where you put more and more distance between you and the traumatic moments your mind has recorded. However, healing is not about masking the pain of the past or wishing and hoping it wasn't there.

Healing is about going into the pain and becoming more aware and conscious. The more you become aware of in your life, it leads to further healing. The more healing you get, the more you become aware of your life. It is an ongoing cycle of life that we should all be engaged in regardless of what we have been through in our lives.

So, if we act like everything is completely fine in our life or that we have moved on, it usually means I don't want to deal with the painful part of my life that I know exists. It means that I'd rather like to just ignore it as I can't deal with it. It does not mean that what we try to state is actually what it means. As hard as we try to silence the message, until the messenger is heard, it cannot be silenced. We can try but at some point, the messenger will be so strong that it will get our attention and hopefully we listen to it before it is too late.

You can run from your past but it will always be there. Eventually, it will catch up with you. It is up to each one of us whether we will continue running or we will become one with our past.

But please - if you are not wanting to deal with situations in your life, don't hurt others by throwing around insensitive comments. At least respect where they are at in their lives but don't just inflict your own pain upon them through your hurtful comments. It does not do a body good.


(c) 12/5/10 by Don Shetterly - use by permission only