Don't You Dare Disagree

The house I grew up in was our way or no way.  You didn't dare disagree.  No way - no how!  You had to go along with whatever the "supreme ruler of the house said!"

It didn't matter if what you were saying or thinking might have been right.  If it conflicted with what the supreme ruler said, you were wrong.  If you did not heed that warning and the following smack down, then you were exiled within the house.

Being exiled within the house meant that others just automatically knew to treat you as if you were less than.  They automatically knew to not talk to you unless it was absolutely critical.  They knew to keep their distance from you because you were toxic according to the supreme ruler.

It didn't matter how important what you were saying was or how truthful or factual it was.  If the supreme ruler didn't want to hear it or didn't accept it, you were wrong - plain and simple.  You were spoken to as an idiot.

No matter what, you had to keep the family secrets and tow the family line.  You didn't dare speak out to anyone about any of it for fear of retribution so hard that you would never ever think of speaking out.

God would bring down punishment...

If that wasn't enough, then the minister was brought out to get you in line and counsel you and pray for you.  If that didn't work, then you were threatened in all kinds of ways that God would really bring down punishment upon you.

The supreme ruler was fearful of anyone that didn't agree with him or dared to challenge his ways.  If you ultimately paid the price of a challenge, you were labeled as being brainwashed.  You were discarded by the family and all your friends that knew you, were told just how terrible you were.

This is the house I grew up in.  I lived under the supreme ruler and was told that I was brainwashed because I dared to speak the truth.  I ended up leaving all my family behind and striking out on my own.  I had to let them go in order to survive.

I will not hide from the truth...

I will not hide from the truth of what I have been through.  These monsters in my house were horrifying creatures who abused me, molested me, and threw me out when I was no more use to them.

My life is better now, but I still struggle with the family aspect.  Yes, I know we create who we want to be with, but the biological bond is still critical.  Without the biological bond, there is a gaping hole left in our lives.

If you're in this situation, don't stand for silence.  Find the courage to break the silence and take care of yourself.  You matter more.   Forcing someone to be silent is where the brainwashing happens.

It was abusive and brainwashing...

The supreme ruler of the house is now living his miserable life out in his last days.  He will answer for it at some point when he dies, but until then, what he did was brainwashing and abusive and should not have been done to anyone.

I used to run a website forum called Breaking The Silence.  I did it for others to help start their own healing process of child abuse.  In my own life, I had been silenced and in order to heal, I had to break the silence.

Child abuse is never right.  No child should ever have to go through what some do, including myself.  While I work to continue my own healing, I hold accountable those that harmed me.

If someone says, don't you dare disagree with me, they are not to be trusted.  They are not there for your best interests and more than likely, they will not be good for you long term.  Do not let anyone tell you that can't disagree with them.  That is brainwashing and mind control!

#Respect

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Bully In The House

This was my life.  I grew up in a home where the bully was in charge.  The one that said, you must believe what I say or get out.  The one that thought their way was all that mattered or it was the highway.

There was no dissent.  There was no thought about dissent.  There were many threats if you even thought about telling anyone the secrets taking place in the house.

If the threats were not enough, you watched as your pets were killed and your body was whacked with beatings and pain.  You hunkered down as the violence happened and the yelling intensified.

I grew up in this home where you either believed and thought and talked like the bully of the house wanted or you were nothing in their eyes.  If you didn't do as they wanted, you were outcast.  You were shunned.  You were given the silent treatment.

There wasn't just one bully either.  There were two.  The second felt as if I was the physical punching bag he needed.  He was bigger than me and weighed almost twice as much.  I still remember his knees jumping up and down on my shoulder as he pinned me to the ground.

Both bullies molested me and raped me and made me hate myself.  It was the house I grew up in.  I despise bullies.  I despise child molesters and rapists.

The bullies used their church and the bible and their God to torment me, and keep me in line.  It kept me silent.  They used the teachings of Jesus to proclaim to me that they did these things to show God's love to me.  They were bullies.

They brainwashed me to think that everyone else was wrong and should be despised and talked about and shunned.  I grew up learning this and seeing it in action, even as they took time out to pray to God, read their bibles and preach love.

It is easy to say not all people are like that, but when you've been through what I have, you see that those words fall short.  For you see what truly lies in a person's actions and words.  You see evidence of it every day with grandstanding, but no matter what, the bullies are still alive and kicking.

I grew up in a house where I didn't know who I was and love was something that was proclaimed, but I knew very little about it from the example I was shown.  You wouldn't have been able to convince the bullies of this.  For they thought they were self-righteous and honorable and the best loving human of all times.  They were the greatest in their own eyes and they made sure everyone knew it.

Little do they realize as they continue to practice their hatred of those who don't bow down and worship at their feet, that I no longer participate in their bullying practices.  I no longer wish to allow them to rule over me.

Yes, it means that I no longer live in that house or talk with the bullies.  It means that I am blazing my own path.  Yet, I see time and time again, evidence throughout our land that the bullies I grew up with are present everywhere I go.

It takes more than words and actions.  That's all a bully has to defy human existence and love.  A bully will convince you they are not a bully, but if you believe that, you will sacrifice your own soul in the quest for life and for your soul's existence.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Breaking The Silence

An essential part of healing from child sexual abuse is telling the truth about your life.  The sexual molestation of children, and the shame that results, thrive in an atmosphere of silence.  Breaking that silence is a powerful healing tool.  Yet it is something many survivors find difficult.

The Courage To Heal by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis (pg 92)

Breaking The Silence

Years ago I had a website for those that had been abused so that they could be given a voice.  It was appropriately called Breaking The Silence.  Unfortunately the immaturity and dysfunction of a few brought the forum and website down.  It came to a point that by having it online, it was causing more harm than it was helping anyone.

One of the bedrock principals that I have built my life upon is breaking the silence.  I think that if you shine the light of truth upon every corner of the universe, good things will happen.  I believe that if truth goes before you, that many of the issues we face in this world would disappear.  When silence is allowed supremacy, it is then that the universe no longer is allowed to exist in the way it was intended.

I was abused and because of silence, that abuse was allowed to happen and go unchecked with everyone I knew.  The silence allowed the horrendous to happen.  The silence allowed only the good to be seen.