You Don't Understand

I've seen this happen so much lately, it has made my head spin round and round like a child's toy top.  People say far too much, "you don't understand" and this really hurts me to no end.  The pain that statement inflicts is just as bad as if they pulled a gun and took a shot.

Years ago, I was at an event and this person that was in a wheel chair was trying to be strong.  I was trying to help them a little and they really got angry at me.  They stated strongly to me and in no uncertain terms that I just didn't understand what they were going through because I was not in a wheel chair.  Their eyes got real wide when I looked at them and said, "oh, but it wasn't but a few years ago that I was!"

It leaves me scratching my head...

I've had moments online lately that I have truly tried to be encouraging and then heard the words, "you don't understand".  It always leaves me scratching my head because if the person only knew just how much I truly did understand, they probably would blush with embarrassment.  I always think, but if I have missed something, why not try to help me understand, rather than just dismiss me as being "stupid".

I know we all have our difficulties and our struggles.  I know some of us face some very tough and insurmountable odds in getting through our days.  I get that.  I've been through those moments and if you go back through this blog, you will read many of them.  From depression, anxiety, suicide, paralysis, Conversion Disorder, full body rashes, body pain like no other and just trying to deal with the many circumstances of life - yes, I think I have a pretty good idea of what others go through.

Maybe I don't fully understand...

Maybe my experiences don't match up to yours 100%.  Maybe I don't fully understand what your day is like or what that particular part of your story means.  Maybe I see things through my life's experiences and not necessarily your filters, but it does not mean I don't understand.

I feel for others more than most will ever know.  I hurt when I see others hurt.  I want to scream when I see injustice.  I want to rid this world of the pain and I often feel like I'm not enough to help.  To say, "you don't understand" to me is like a big slap in the face.

What if instead of saying "you don't understand", that maybe you help someone understand.  Share more of your story.  Write about what you are going through.  After all, these are ways to help heal and make sense out of what is happening when it seems like nothing makes sense.

I write on my blog and in my tweets the things that I know have helped me.  I write to help give a brighter outlook on things or to give hope that things can change and get better.  I write to help give a different perspective or conscious awareness that may is hard to see.  At no time is my writing about inflicting hurt upon another.

Challenged to look further....

The things that helped me the most in addition to understanding and compassion were the moments when I was challenged to look further, to be more than that moment, and to see other ways I could view what was taking place.  It was in challenging those uncomfortable moments that I began to find my way forward.  I try to do the same with everyone I meet.

I wrote this blog post some time ago about Holding The Space For Someone and I think it matches up to the point I'm trying to make here.

Question Of The Day

What other ways can people help us heal and progress in life or understand what we are going through?

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Reclaiming Healthy Touch After Trauma

While this was a term paper I wrote for school many years ago, I think it is still relevant today.  Yes, I have learned a great deal since that time, but the information is still solid.  The term paper was on reclaiming healthy touch after trauma.

In the paper, I discuss various considerations and aspects of working with someone that has been traumatized through abuse, rape, or other means.  There is discussion about how different forms of bodywork can be helpful and more details about each one.

Why reclaiming healthy touch is important is the beginning of the paper and it also touches on the subject of how trauma affects the brain.  Looking for the evidence of trauma in the body is also a major consideration because if you don't know what you are looking for, it will pass right before your eyes.  You will not even see it.

With all survivors of trauma, there are special considerations that you should be aware of  in working with them, but by all means this is not an exhaustive list.

I still remember my first time working as a volunteer at a domestic violence resource center.  We were doing full body massage on the participants.  One individual came in and got under the sheets while staying fully clothed.  There was no way that this trauma survivor could allow me to work on them without their clothes on.  I learned that day, that you can touch someone with their clothes on and have profound effects.

It helps that I too was a trauma survivor.  It is easier for me to understand what a trauma survivor is going through when I know firsthand in my own body how that feels.  My body did not always like to be touched and it took someone with healthy and safe boundaries to break past this.  I know first hand how difficult it can be to reclaim healthy touch.

For the full paper, click on the following links.  I have broke it up into sections so it is easier to read and navigate.

Reclaiming Healthy Touch 

1. Introduction
2. Why Reclaiming Healthy Touch Matters
3. How Does Trauma Affect The Brain
4. Evidence Of Trauma In The Body
5. Special Considerations Reclaiming Healthy Touch
6. Full Body Massage And Trauma Survivors
7. Other Forms Of Body Work Helpful To Trauma Survivors
8. Reclaiming Healthy Touch In My Life
9. Sources And Additional Resources

If you would like to read more about my story and how I healed my life from trauma which involved conversion disorder and paralysis, my book can be found on Amazon.  It is called Hope And Possibility Through Trauma by Don Shetterly.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Breaking The Silence

An essential part of healing from child sexual abuse is telling the truth about your life.  The sexual molestation of children, and the shame that results, thrive in an atmosphere of silence.  Breaking that silence is a powerful healing tool.  Yet it is something many survivors find difficult.

The Courage To Heal by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis (pg 92)