You Don't Understand

I've seen this happen so much lately, it has made my head spin round and round like a child's toy top.  People say far too much, "you don't understand" and this really hurts me to no end.  The pain that statement inflicts is just as bad as if they pulled a gun and took a shot.

Years ago, I was at an event and this person that was in a wheel chair was trying to be strong.  I was trying to help them a little and they really got angry at me.  They stated strongly to me and in no uncertain terms that I just didn't understand what they were going through because I was not in a wheel chair.  Their eyes got real wide when I looked at them and said, "oh, but it wasn't but a few years ago that I was!"

It leaves me scratching my head...

I've had moments online lately that I have truly tried to be encouraging and then heard the words, "you don't understand".  It always leaves me scratching my head because if the person only knew just how much I truly did understand, they probably would blush with embarrassment.  I always think, but if I have missed something, why not try to help me understand, rather than just dismiss me as being "stupid".

I know we all have our difficulties and our struggles.  I know some of us face some very tough and insurmountable odds in getting through our days.  I get that.  I've been through those moments and if you go back through this blog, you will read many of them.  From depression, anxiety, suicide, paralysis, Conversion Disorder, full body rashes, body pain like no other and just trying to deal with the many circumstances of life - yes, I think I have a pretty good idea of what others go through.

Maybe I don't fully understand...

Maybe my experiences don't match up to yours 100%.  Maybe I don't fully understand what your day is like or what that particular part of your story means.  Maybe I see things through my life's experiences and not necessarily your filters, but it does not mean I don't understand.

I feel for others more than most will ever know.  I hurt when I see others hurt.  I want to scream when I see injustice.  I want to rid this world of the pain and I often feel like I'm not enough to help.  To say, "you don't understand" to me is like a big slap in the face.

What if instead of saying "you don't understand", that maybe you help someone understand.  Share more of your story.  Write about what you are going through.  After all, these are ways to help heal and make sense out of what is happening when it seems like nothing makes sense.

I write on my blog and in my tweets the things that I know have helped me.  I write to help give a brighter outlook on things or to give hope that things can change and get better.  I write to help give a different perspective or conscious awareness that may is hard to see.  At no time is my writing about inflicting hurt upon another.

Challenged to look further....

The things that helped me the most in addition to understanding and compassion were the moments when I was challenged to look further, to be more than that moment, and to see other ways I could view what was taking place.  It was in challenging those uncomfortable moments that I began to find my way forward.  I try to do the same with everyone I meet.

I wrote this blog post some time ago about Holding The Space For Someone and I think it matches up to the point I'm trying to make here.

Question Of The Day

What other ways can people help us heal and progress in life or understand what we are going through?

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Unexpected Opportunity

In today's blog post, a guest writer, Trish Kalhagen, writes about an unexpected opportunity and how it has broader implications to our interactions as humans with one another.

There was an opportunity for me to sit upon a committee for a period of two days for a private organization. I would need to unplug so to speak from my regular life and family. My meals and overnight lodging would be provided. Due to confidentiality issues, I cannot give specifics but I can share a few of my thoughts here.

I met a wonderful group of people on the committee and in the organization who were gifted at communicating in a kind, gentle, peaceful, supportive, and healthy manner. This group of people really stood out in my mind and in my heart. This is my heartfelt desire and prayer for our world.

To be able to communicate with each other in this way. They have the tools in place to work toward continuing to listen to each other, understand each other and support one another along the way. It is really a beautiful gift.

No one is perfect, yet the enthusiasm and dedication that was presented to me over the last two days is truly admirable. I know that there are personality “color” tests that one can take to determine what personality type you are. This can give us some insight as to who I am and what personality type those people are that you are in regular contact with.

I believe that if many people could create the time to take a simple test like this, we could begin to change the world, one person at a time. I know because I have seen it in action over the last 48 hours. There could be much more peaceful conflict resolution and supportive listening.

This tool can be key in beginning to understand why you and the people around you respond to the world as they do. It is a great opportunity to clear up or prevent many misunderstandings and areas of conflict. It was beautiful music for my soul.

This is my goal when I sit with my family (which is not easy) and my clients when I am given the opportunity to listen to their personal story and for me to support their journey of traveling through life. I was given a beautiful gift during this time away and I am very grateful.

About Trish Kalhagen
Trish is certified in Spiritual Direction from Spirations Institute in Iowa, and certified as Reiki Master from Healing Partners in Iowa and Koru Ceremony in Wisconsin. She has facilitated workshops, support groups, and women’s sacred circles. Trish has supported adults in Hospice Care and Gilda’s Club.

To contact Trish or learn more about her work, visit Sacred Moments.


Blog Post & Images (c) 12/15/10 Trish Kalhagen - use by permission only