A Simple Touch Can Change So Much

If you read my blog post from yesterday on "Traumatized By Seizures", you will understand more of what I am writing today.  All too often we are just not fully connected to life, and we fail to see that a simple touch can change so much.

I'm sure we would all agree that healthy touch is good, but why is it we live in a society where touch is not honored and celebrated?  If it were, everyone would be having weekly massages and sharing hugs with one another.  Yes, I know there are some that do this, but it is more the exception than the norm.

When I went through the seizures of Conversion Disorder, I was so frightened and I felt so alone.  Yes, people were there with me, but deep inside I wanted someone to help comfort me.  I wanted to feel supported.  I wanted to know I wasn't going through this alone.

Yet, no one touched me.   No one supported me.  Everyone just stared at me through their own frightened eyes.

I have now realized that just a simple touch is what I needed.  That simple touch could have changed so much in me.  My eyes fill up with tears as I think of how alone I felt in those moments.

If you want to inflict further pain and trauma on someone, just withhold touch in a moment like this.  If you want to change someone's life, use a simple touch and see what happens.

Touch doesn't have to be extravagant and skilled.  All you need is touch that says, "I care about you or I love you."  It can be as simple as laying your hand on someone's shoulder or touching their arm.  It can be as simple as lightly caressing their arm or back, or even holding on to their hand with strength and courage.

A simple touch just requires that you show up, not to manipulate or cause anything to happen, but just to be there in that moment without judgment or preconceived ideas of what should happen.  Touch can be so light, but with your presence and your heart, you can affect so much in another person.  It can be most powerful when you are just holding the space for someone.

We can see what anger and hatred and a lack of healthy simple touch is doing to our world.  We have the power to change that.  We don't have to wait or depend upon anyone else to do it for us.

For a long time though, I was so afraid of simple touch because of how badly my body was beaten, abused, and traumatized as a small child.  It took me a lot of hard work to accept touch and to accept a hug.  If you're in doubt, ask permission from someone before hugging and touching.  In that small act of asking them permission, you might just be helping them to take major leaps in healing.

Regardless, let's get away from being afraid of touching others and allowing ourselves to be touched.  Massage, in the professional sense, is about healthy touch, and the human body really needs that.

Let's make the world a better place by realizing that a simple touch can change so much in the life of another person.  Let's not forget it can also change OUR lives in big ways.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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You Don't Understand

I've seen this happen so much lately, it has made my head spin round and round like a child's toy top.  People say far too much, "you don't understand" and this really hurts me to no end.  The pain that statement inflicts is just as bad as if they pulled a gun and took a shot.

Years ago, I was at an event and this person that was in a wheel chair was trying to be strong.  I was trying to help them a little and they really got angry at me.  They stated strongly to me and in no uncertain terms that I just didn't understand what they were going through because I was not in a wheel chair.  Their eyes got real wide when I looked at them and said, "oh, but it wasn't but a few years ago that I was!"

It leaves me scratching my head...

I've had moments online lately that I have truly tried to be encouraging and then heard the words, "you don't understand".  It always leaves me scratching my head because if the person only knew just how much I truly did understand, they probably would blush with embarrassment.  I always think, but if I have missed something, why not try to help me understand, rather than just dismiss me as being "stupid".

I know we all have our difficulties and our struggles.  I know some of us face some very tough and insurmountable odds in getting through our days.  I get that.  I've been through those moments and if you go back through this blog, you will read many of them.  From depression, anxiety, suicide, paralysis, Conversion Disorder, full body rashes, body pain like no other and just trying to deal with the many circumstances of life - yes, I think I have a pretty good idea of what others go through.

Maybe I don't fully understand...

Maybe my experiences don't match up to yours 100%.  Maybe I don't fully understand what your day is like or what that particular part of your story means.  Maybe I see things through my life's experiences and not necessarily your filters, but it does not mean I don't understand.

I feel for others more than most will ever know.  I hurt when I see others hurt.  I want to scream when I see injustice.  I want to rid this world of the pain and I often feel like I'm not enough to help.  To say, "you don't understand" to me is like a big slap in the face.

What if instead of saying "you don't understand", that maybe you help someone understand.  Share more of your story.  Write about what you are going through.  After all, these are ways to help heal and make sense out of what is happening when it seems like nothing makes sense.

I write on my blog and in my tweets the things that I know have helped me.  I write to help give a brighter outlook on things or to give hope that things can change and get better.  I write to help give a different perspective or conscious awareness that may is hard to see.  At no time is my writing about inflicting hurt upon another.

Challenged to look further....

The things that helped me the most in addition to understanding and compassion were the moments when I was challenged to look further, to be more than that moment, and to see other ways I could view what was taking place.  It was in challenging those uncomfortable moments that I began to find my way forward.  I try to do the same with everyone I meet.

I wrote this blog post some time ago about Holding The Space For Someone and I think it matches up to the point I'm trying to make here.

Question Of The Day

What other ways can people help us heal and progress in life or understand what we are going through?

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Healing Modalities Become Our Belief System

Lately I've had many body work experiences working on people, where I felt like I was doing absolutely nothing and yet, so much was going on. I was just there with the person, holding the space open with them, and allowing myself to be there in that moment.

My body, mind and my own spirit heard them and knew that with guidance, that their body realized I was there with them. I had no agenda but to work on the various planes of the body. I knew that in doing this, that I could help guide the mind to the point their own innate intelligence took over.

This is not about hookup, energy work or even about holding the space open. It is more than that. It is about helping the person to allow their own innate intelligence to express itself, in the way that is needed at that moment of time.

All too often, we as healers of the mind and body connection, are drawn to tools that become our belief system. There are many names for these tools and if you pick any healing work name, you will have found the tools I refer to. While many modalities (or healing work systems) are good, we all too often get lost in the belief system of the work. Instead of becoming one with the truth of what works from the healing system, we become a slave to the belief system of the work.

As healers, if we are not challenging all that we know or feel comfortable with, we have become one with our belief system. In order to heal, we must continue to travel into those difficult closets of our own life. Opening the doors and clearing the closets out, allow us to peel off layer after layer towards a greater awareness in our life.

Then and only then, can we see our evolution which is critical to our lives touching, helping and healing others. For if we cannot travel into the deepest parts of our own suffering, how then can we think or expect to do this with anyone else. The healing of our clients is dependent upon how far we allow ourselves to heal and evolve our own life. May we never think we have traveled as far as we can go and may we find a greater connections through our own struggles.


Blog Post & Images (c) 3/27/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

Holding The Space For Someone

Sometimes, it gets very difficult in life to go through rough moments. We all have had those times when we were tested beyond measure and we felt it was next to impossible to make it through.

Perseverance and putting one foot in front of the other usually got us to the other side. For those around us, most likely it was difficult to watch the pain we were experiencing. At times, the difficulties we experienced most likely connected to pain within those who are close to us.

The most important help that anyone could give us in those moments was just to allow us to be in that space. Sometimes a person just needs to process the experience in order to find the way through the difficult moment.

If a person is suicidal with immediate plans or a danger to others, than life saving action must be taken. Often though, many who face despair may talk about drastic measures but it is their way of reaching out for help while they struggle to make sense of life. Most people want to fix someone or attempt to solve the difficult problems they are facing.

In all reality, what the individual needs is a listening ear or to just know that they are not all alone. Sometimes this act of pure love and compassion of just being there for the person is the strongest help one can give to another. This includes leaving your own agendas and fears out of the other person's process. For the moment of true support is not about you. It is about them!

We all need to know we are loved unconditionally. Through our life, we will come up against many challenges and if we know we are not walking alone, than we have much more strength to take on the challenges in our life. Never underestimate the power of holding the space for someone who needs a listening ear. You may be their life line back to reality.


Blog Post & Images (c) 12/10/10 Don Shetterly - use by permission only