Please Don't Hang Yourself

This video that a mom did about her son who died by Suicide is very touching.  The reason she did it is so that she could help others who were hurting and in pain.  Often people who struggle suffer in silence and no one sees the pain they are experiencing.

I like the statement made in the short video, that so often those who lose out to suicide just want the pain to end.  I have felt that way in my life in those same moments.

Please know that others do care and there is help out there.  Watch my friend's video and see the resources she puts up.

I also did a webinar on Suicide a few years ago with a mom who lost her son.  Her statements helped wake me up in my own life and really shed light on what it does to the survivors.

I know that some out there think you should not discuss this side of suicide in this way, but it made all the difference for me.  Knowing what those who loved me would have to deal with brought a new perspective on suicide for me.  There's no way I could hurt them, and that is enough to kick my brain back out of the depths.

Of course, it is sad to note that the following video has not had many views.  It makes me roll my eyes a little.  Sometimes I think we say we want to help raise awareness and help others, but it becomes nothing more than words without action.  I am sorry if that offends anyone, but I don't want to see anyone die from suicide.

Suicide is a Leading Cause of Death in the United States  (source)

• According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) WISQARS Leading Causes of Death Reports, in 2016:
  • Suicide was the tenth leading cause of death overall in the United States, claiming the lives of nearly 45,000 people.
  • Suicide was the second leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 10 and 34, and the fourth leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 35 and 54.
  • There were more than twice as many suicides (44,965) in the United States as there were homicides (19,362).

Suck It Up And Move On

Written By Don Shetterly

These words make my skin crawl with disgust for humanity.  When I see someone tell another person going through a difficult time to suck it up and move on, it saddens me.  Why on earth would you make this statement to anyone?

We all have our difficult moments and issues in our life.  Sometimes they are not easy to just move on to the next moment as if they didn't happen.  They are often complex and require little steps towards healing and moving on.

No one can tell another when they should move on.  If we have not walked in the shoes of another and we don't know what they are dealing with in their life.  In fact, even though it may appear to us that they are not moving on, they may, in fact, be making significant progress.  They may be taking big leaps when we cannot see it.

It is not up to us to be heartless and mean and uncaring to someone by telling them to suck it up and move on.  I believe this is about as low as you can get on being human.  Okay, there are other things much lower, but this ranks right down at the bottom of human consciousness.

Telling someone to suck it up means you're telling them to ignore what it is they are feeling or have experienced.  You're saying to those who are struggling that what they are going through does not matter.  Most likely how it makes you feel is more important than what they are going through at that moment.

When others are going through difficult moments, one of the worst things is to listen to people telling them to suck it up and move on.  In fact, that's a recipe for major health issues, mental health struggles like depression and anxiety and suicide.  It is a recipe for adding stress to your life and setting up moments in the future where you don't deal with things in a healthy way.

If you can't be there for the person with empathy and compassion, maybe the best thing to do is run along into the woods.  Perhaps it is a time for you to do some soul-searching about what it means to be human.  You're not helping anyone if you are making statements like this to others.  You're hurting them in ways you don't even understand.

(click to read the blog post)

The world needs those who are peaceful and loving.  We don't need more judgment and condemnation.  We need empathy and love, compassion and understanding.  The world needs us to show up for one another and help support each other as we walk through this journey of life.

Be human and stop telling others to suck it up and move on!  You'll be doing the world a big favor.  You will be impacting the world in a positive way.

Extend your arms of support to people.  Don't harm them more when they are facing difficult moments.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 12/21/17 by Don Shetterly

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Interview With Rebecca - It's Not Your Journey

Interview with Rebecca Lombardo

I had the wonderful opportunity to get a few moments of time with Rebcca Lombardo.  In case you don't know Rebecca, she's a wonderful person who works to help others.  She is an author, advocate and survivor and a Huffington Post Blogger.

Rebecca is the author of "It's Not Your Journey" where she talks about her battle with mental illness and suicide.  Using writing, she wanted to let go of some of the pain she had dealt with in her life.  It never dawned on her that by writing, she would be helping others.

This is what drew my attention to Rebecca because by sharing her pain, she did help others.  I have found the same thing to be true in my own life.   I personally have struggled with suicide in my own life and I try to be there for others when the moments get very dark in life.

Here are a few questions.

1. How did you go about learning to make healthy decisions for your own healing

   After more than 20 years dealing with mental illness, I've become pretty self-aware. I know what works for me and what doesn't most of the time. Other times, my husband can see the tell-tale signs of me spiraling and carefully brings up the topic to me.

2. What is the most important thing you have learned about healing in your own life?

   The most important thing is that I DO want to live. I want to be here and spend as much time as possible with my husband and pets, and that suicide is NOT an option. I'm never going back there again.
   
    

3. How does writing help you to be able to help others?

   I feel like mental illness in all its forms is very lonely and isolating. When people see that there are others out there just like them that are living a decent life, it starts to occur to them that maybe it can happen for them as well.

4. In what ways did your book help you in your healing?

   My book helped me purge all of the anger, resentment, and frustration from my life that I had just been carrying around like a weight on my shoulders. It also helped to validate what I was feeling.

5. What is your most difficult challenge you face in your healing and life?

   It's always hard for me when I hit a bad patch with my depression. I always think to myself that I ought to know how to get out of this, but I don't. Every time you travel the journey, it's for a different reason and in a different direction.

6.  What can we do to improve mental health in our world?

   I think we've definitely opened a dialogue, but we have to keep going. People fear what they do not understand.  We have to make it easier for them to understand. Make it a regular discussion.

7. If someone is suicidal, what can they do?

   If they don't have someone they love to go to and talk it out, there are many resources out there, but going to the emergency room is an important option. They can also text Crisis Text Line at 741 741. I always advise, don't go on social media and talk about it because you may not get the reaction that you were hoping for and that may upset you even more. Find a friend or loved one and have a key word with them. Say, "apple." You just call or text that person and say "apple" and they will know you need help.

8. How do you reach out and connect with someone that is suicidal?

   I am very cautious about offering any specific advice to someone that is suicidal. I'm not a doctor, and I don't want to make things worse, so I try to just be there and be a sounding board and hope to make them feel a bit better. I strongly urge them to seek out someone in there life to talk to.

I appreciate Rebecca sitting down with me for a few minutes and talking with me.  Please check out her book and website.  You can also find Rebecca on Twitter.

Rebecca also is open for speaking engagements in the Michigan area, and you can contact her for more details through her website.

If you are struggling with suicide, I know it isn't easy to reach out, but ask for help.  Find a trusted friend or text the crisis text line in question #7.  Reach out because there are others that know what it is like to go through these moments.  There is help!

For More On Rebecca

• Rebecca's Website:  www.rebeccalombardo.com
• Book: It's Not Your Journey
• Twitter:  @BekaLombardo

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Blog Post And Images (c) 12/19/17 by Don Shetterly

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Helping Prevent Suicide

(Written by Insights Into Healing, Barbara)

In a previous blog post a couple of years ago, I talked about how I dealt with the loss of my son.  He committed suicide on November 8, 2012.  This article was not just about the details, but more importantly, how I made it through this time.  It was difficult and made it difficult for me to even understand what it meant to live in life.

Check out my thoughts and the video webinar that we've done.  Our intent and purpose is helping prevent suicide.  Whether you've been through this before you know someone that has, this webinar is extremely helpful.

To see the webinar, go to Helping Prevent Suicide


You can make it through this! 

 - Barbara (Insights Into Healing)

Read all of Barbara's Columnist Posts

(Editorial assistance by Jeff Lemlich)

 

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Barbara

Columnist

Unified Therapy

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly and Barbara

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Recovering From Storm Stress

(Written By Don Shetterly)

This has been a challenging past few weeks.  Seeing the devastation in Houston and the Caribbean islands was difficult.  Seeing the floods and earthquakes throughout various countries in the world makes my heart cry for people.

We just experienced Hurricane Irma, and while things could be much worse, the stress of the storm was more than enough.  In the week leading up to its landfall, the stress and anxiety were so thick in the air.  In every store you went to, and on every road, you could see it in full force.  Then the storm hit, and just sitting through the howling of the wind, the shaking of the house, and wondering what will things look like in the morning was more than enough.

We lost power for 5 days, which was not easy in the Florida heat and humidity.  Sleep was almost nonexistent and being choked by the fumes of generators running in the area, I struggled to keep my wits about me.  It was exhausting and tiring.  It felt almost like you were in a daze and delirious.

When we got power back on, it felt so good.  I've never been so happy to flip a light switch on and have a darkened room lit up.  It never felt so good to have working air conditioning.  I was ecstatic not to hear generators running loudly 24 hours a day, and being sickened by the exhaust fumes.  I was happy that the constant emergency alerts they were sending out for anything and everything finally stopped

Body was too tired and stressed...

The first night we got power back on, I thought we would finally get a good night's sleep.  Unfortunately, we did not.  It was almost as if our bodies were too tired and stressed to let go and surrender into sleep.

The next couple of days, we felt exhausted and struggled to focus.  Naps were frequent and not enough.  I had other friends that were experiencing the same things.  The stress of the storm was at maximum levels.  Recovering from the storm stress was not as easy as I thought it would be.

I cannot imagine what people in Houston or the Caribbean Islands or Puerto Rico and other places are facing.  We had our house intact, but their whole world was torn apart in a matter of hours.  While the cameras have faded away from the impact, they are struggling to figure out how to piece their lives back together.  I'm sure many in this state will be doing the same.

Suicide Increases After A Storm...

A friend of mine shared an article published in the New York Times on June 21, 2006, talking about depression and suicide after a storm (hurricane).  After major disasters like what we've seen on the TV, the struggle is so difficult for people fighting to recover.  We've got friends in Houston, and we can tell how much they are struggling.

If you are struggling, keep in mind that this too shall pass.  There is a way forward, and if you keep searching for it, you will find it.  No, I'm not going to tell you it is easy because it is not.  However, don't give up.  Don't get lost in today's moment, because there is hope for a tomorrow that improves little by little.

Don't try to go it alone...

If you are struggling with depression, anxiety, despair or thoughts of suicide, don't try to go it alone.  Yes, these things make you want to hide in a cave and build walls up to everyone around you who care.  While that may feel like the only thing you can do at this moment, don't give in to it.  Seek out help and support.  Seek out qualified therapy and counseling.  In this time of recovery from storm stress, allow yourself to lean on others until you get strength back in your legs.

Recovering from storm stress is not easy.  It is challenging but just know that you're not alone.  Others are experiencing some of the same issues as you, but they may not be saying it.  Sometimes we want to give the appearance to the world that we are strong when we are crumbling inside.  I made that mistake for many years, and it almost cost me my life through Conversion Disorder.

Reach out and ask for help.  You may not get it from everyone you reach out to, but don't let that stop you.  If someone is reaching out to you with a helping hand, grab hold of their hand and let them help you steady yourself as you walk the difficult road ahead.

If someone reaches out to you, realize you don't have to solve all their problems, but be there for them with an extra helping of love and support.  Help them find the resources they need and be conscious, not unconscious in your help and support.

Recovering from storm stress may not be easy, but if we all reach out to one another, it will help lift every one of us up.  It will strengthen us as a human race and make us stronger together.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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Genetic Link with Adoptees and Suicide?

(by Jody, Mental Health Matters)

Children are placed for adoption for a variety of reasons. It is true that many are born to mothers whose choice was based on reasons of selflessness and love, but the harsh reality is that some adopted children were abandoned, unwanted, abused, neglected, and even made victims of sex trafficking or other crimes.

Sometimes adoptive parents and adoption agencies are aware of the circumstances surrounding the placement; sometimes they are not, yet, if adopted children are loved and cherished and raised in wonderful, stable homes, why are they more likely to commit suicide?

Studies have found that the odds of a reported suicide attempt were 4 times greater in adoptees compared with those who were not. There could be a few reasons behind this elevated number, one being the fact that adoption, or the separation from one’s mother, is in itself a trauma; Another reason is that adoptees often lack any type of family history or medical background, which could include mental illness or even suicide, which in itself could induce anxiety in the adoptee.

As an adoptee, there is almost an invisible line dividing one from the adoptive family, simply because things like looks and even personality characteristics are different from the rest of the family. Anxiety and depression can also occur because, even though an adoptee may have only known love and family security,  many may also grapple with the idea that if they were chosen, then it is possible for them to be “un-chosen”

This idea can occur even if the child has only ever been shown unconditional love and acceptance. I had a foster sister for nearly two years when I was around five to seven, and when she went back to foster care, was the day I knew I was expendable. After all, if she could be returned, surely so could I.

Adoptive families must recognize that their child may have feelings of depression, anxiety, abandonment, and loss, even if their adoption occurred during infancy and especially if the circumstances surrounding the placement are unknown. Doctors and other professionals encourage adoptive parents to help their child learn as much as they can about their biological heritage if the child has a desire to know.

Parents who have frequent and open conversations with their child about their adoption are more likely to be aware of the concerns and feelings of their child and will be able to help their child navigate through the fears that naturally occur. Adoptive parents need to be extremely aware that even though they have loved their child from the start, their adoptive child may need more than love.

However, perhaps there are more than just external circumstances that lead to suicidal behaviors and thoughts. A new study from the Center for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) in Toronto, is suggesting that there is evidence that a specific gene, which is involved in the development of the nervous system may be linked to suicidal behavior. CAMH scientists have found that among people with a psychiatric diagnosis, those who had a specific variation of the gene were at higher risk of suicidal behavior.

The mutated version of the gene may cause a chemical imbalance in the brain, which in turn may lead to suicidal ideations and actions, and may also provide a link to a genetic trait. Some scientists suggest that genetic factors seem to play a role in 30%-50% of cases with suicidal behavior, independent of other psychological disorders or environmental stressors. The hope being that the beginnings of this discovery could eventually lead to the development of genetic tests which could help to identify those at risk.

I am adopted. My birth mother, who I never met, had five suicide attempts before succeeding on the sixth. My half-sister (same mother) has survived two attempts, and I have survived three. Three related people, three different environments and one commonality…suicide, perhaps supporting the theory that being suicidal is not completely environmental and possibly there is some genetic base that further complicates the situation.

It's very possible there is a genetic link according to research.


- Jody (Jody's Blog)

Read all of Jody's Columnist Posts

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Jody

Guest Blogger
Writer
Survivor, Warrior, Conqueror

Visit Jody's website at

Jodyb2016 Wordpress

  

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly and Jody

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How We Learned To Deal With Trauma

Written by Don Shetterly

When you grow up in situations where trauma and abuse along with emotional and mental manipulation are what you know, you never quite have a fighting chance early in life.  How we learned to deal with trauma and stress was anything but normal for us.

We were never given the tools to know what to do.  We were never taught how to deal with the situations in which we found ourselves.


We grew up learning to survive.  We grew up learning to find the way through what was happening to us in the best way we knew how.  We often were focusing our attention on that moment of abuse we were enduring.  There was no learning how to deal with the trauma, let alone the stress in our lives.

Many of us found coping mechanisms to escape what was being done.  Some of us just stuffed it deep down inside.  Some of us tried to match the pain through the self-inflicted harm we did to our bodies.  These were survival techniques we employed because we knew nothing else.

As life continued, we faced new stressors and situations in life.  The usual part of growing up in a world that is sometimes far too harsh presented more challenges.  Our early go-to techniques did not match up to what we needed for those moments, and so the trauma replayed over and over.  The stress continued to build.

Foreign Invaders Of Our Mind and Body...

Regardless, we knew we had found a way to survive through all the abuse and trauma we had once endured, so we didn't give up.  We kept fighting.  We kept trying to figure it all out, but far too often, our insight was formed because of what we had to do to survive.  What we needed to do for our body and our mind became foreign invaders that we did not trust.

As we get to our current day, the techniques that once served us well and how we survived now fall short.  They exhaust us because they no longer do what we need for them to do.  We struggle, and we fight.  Some of us fall victim to this through suicide, cutting, chronic conditions, conversion disorder, anxiety, depression and a whole host of other outcomes.

Healing is not easy.  Learning to deal with trauma and stress without the necessary tools is an epic challenge.  I know in my own life that I had to see the things which once helped me survive no longer serve a useful purpose.  In their place, I needed to find new tools that would help.

When you have been through abuse and trauma, you become the parent to yourself and so starts the journey of learning how to deal with all of this.  You become the teacher and the student at the same time.  We did not learn to deal with trauma or stress, and now it impacts every facet of our lives.

This is where support of others who have been through this comes in to help.  It is where therapists and qualified practitioners that know how to walk through the fires of trauma and abuse help our healing.  It is where the process of healing, little by little, unfolds and helps awaken us to more of who we are, that we have hidden all these years.

Learning to deal with trauma and abuse is not something that is easy.  It is a challenge on our best days, and a horror filled nightmare on our worst days.

I have found in my own life that regardless of what was done to me and what I went through, I can heal and thrive and conquer so much of what was done to me.  I will not say it is easy.  I will not say it is a quick process, but I know it is one that I'm winning.

I have learned that to heal, I must feel in my body and that the more I can safely do this, the more I comprehend.  The trauma and abuse were stored in our body, and for me to fully heal all that was done, the body is at the center of these endeavors.

Yes, I have my good days and my bad days, but my life now is much more hopeful and full of possibility than it once was.  I know that even though I never learned to deal with trauma and abuse as a kid, I'm now coming to a greater understanding of what that means for my own life.  There is hope and possibility through trauma.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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Turning Over Stones In Life

Written By Don Shetterly

Back in the early days when I found out I had Conversion Disorder, I was struggling and fighting for my life.  I was struggling not only to survive but to figure out how to function.

The paralysis started to get better, but my legs and body were weak.  My memory had gone, so remembering anything required me to write it down on a piece of paper, or it was like I was not even aware of it.  Anxiety attacks had become my best friend.  Depression and suicide were my goals.

I had no hope that anything would get better.  I wasn't sure how it would.  I was stuck in the pain and fear of a cycle that had been playing out for many years.  The only thing is I was a participant in all that was going on in my life.

When I read the limited stuff I could find about Conversion Disorder, I saw that it will probably ease and subside.  However, the chances of it showing up again were pretty high, and subsequent attacks were more the norm.  That was what the literature showed in some study that I have misplaced now.

It was pure torture every day...

In my mind, I wanted to give up and die.  The daily struggle was difficult.  I had a family turn against me.  I was fighting to re-enter life again and function in a job so I could exist.  There was nothing fun about my life at that moment.  It was pure torture every day.

I was not prepared to accept what the medical establishment would say was the outcome and prognosis of my future days.  I was not prepared to accept that I would struggle daily with anxiety attacks, depression, and suicide attempts.  I was not prepared to stay on medication forever and ever.

Yet, I had no idea how to get out of this.  I knew of no way to go from where I was at that moment to where my mind thought was possible.  I felt like giving up.  I felt like the struggle was just too much.

Something kept me going...

Something inside kept me from giving up.  Something kept me going.  Something deep inside of me kept telling me it was possible to heal and make it.

I started to look at what others were doing and looked for the moments within them that helped them.  Yes, there is plenty that people do which is not helpful, but I tried to see beyond that moment.  I tried to find the reality and authenticity of what was helping to make them better.

I started to turn over every stone in my path and find anything that helped.  I turned over many stones.  Not all of the stones were helpful to me, and sometimes it exhausted me.  Every now and then I would come across one stone that really helped me, and I would study it, learn from it and embrace it.  The stones that didn't help, I would try to push to the side of the path where others had placed similar stones.

Sometimes I needed a rest...

Sometimes I would find a resting place along my path and sit down for awhile, since I had no more energy to go on and I had no more will to fight.  It was those moments, I learned, that were necessary for me to continue.

Even through the most difficult and darkest of moments, something deep inside kept me going.  Often it was a small little pilot light that burned, but somehow I knew it was there.  I knew there was a spark within me waiting to ignite and propel me forward.

I never accepted any condition by any doctor as being the sole source of my health and well-being.  I knew there was more and I was not about to let anyone tell me that the condition I was in was the way things would be.  I fought tooth and nail most days, but I knew that I had to keep going.

I had to keep searching, for the alternative to continuing my journey was a life that was more frightening than I realized.  My evidence was Conversion Disorder, and I was not about to go back to those moments where my life almost ended.

I pass on to those who struggle to not give up where you are in the journey.  I realize the fight is hard.  I realize it is exhausting.  I realize it is easy to give up.

Don't give up!

Don't stop!

Turn over every stone you find in your path until you find one that propels you forward and then ride it for as long as you can.  Let it help you find the next stone to turn over and take you forward in your life.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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The Forgotten Reason in “13 Reasons Why”

(by Jody, Mental Health Matters)

I certainly am not one to jump on the bandwagon. I generally let it pass by watching the fickle people jumping on and off trying to chase and follow the latest trend, so it is almost to my surprise that I find myself writing about the latest craze of controversy, which happens to be the Netflix series called “13 Reasons Why?”

I am quite sure that you have either watched it or at the very least heard of it, as it has stirred up discussions from the water cooler to the media. I will admit that curiosity got the best of me and I binge watched the entire series just to see what had stirred up such fuss and dialogue.

There are hundreds of blogs and articles with varying opinions both praising and criticizing the show for its approach on the taboo topic of teen suicide and underlying subjects of rape and bullying. Being both passively and actively suicidal my entire life, and having lost people by suicide, has given me the ability to empathize with both the supporters and the critics.

To an extent, as a teenager, I was Hannah Baker as and I am sure thousands of others identify with her depth of pain in one way or another. I have had suicide attempts as a child, a teen and an adult, and the thought process with all of them was different due to what I could fully understand at each age.

As a child, it was impossible for me to comprehend the repercussions of “if you touch Grandma’s pills you will get sick and could die.” I had been to a funeral by age eight and although I had no idea of the permanence of the situation, I did know that dead meant no longer here, and as all the adults at the funeral had said, “at least she’s not suffering anymore”. If you put those two thought processes together at such a young age, you can get the basics of how I came about to my first suicide attempt.

As an adult, the rationale behind my attempt was a lot more clear and concise. I also fully understood the long term consequences of my decision and the affect it would have on certain people. It was not an irrational, spur of the moment thing that I would regret but a precise plan which would achieve the final goal of ending my suffering.

Being a teenager is a completely different ball game all together. With hormones bouncing around like a rubber ball and emotions running rampant, the thought process could vary from minute to minute. I noticed a lot of people commenting on how it was wrong of Hannah to lay the blame for her suicide completely on other people, and although I don’t agree that was the intent, I can see that view as well. I can also tell you that as a suicidal teenager, you do, in part lay the blame on other people, because that is generally what they do at that age anyway. In my eyes at the time, I blamed my molesters, my parents and a few other people that I felt should have somehow known and helped. Maybe it was not right to lay the blame with those who I felt caused my pain and suffering, but a teenage mind is far from fully developed, and often irrational, and right or wrong, that is how I saw things, as did Hannah.

I agree that this show could potentially be triggering for some people, and I am glad that more warnings have been added before each episode. I also know that curiosity often gets the best of human nature and regardless of the fact that we know it may trigger us, we still sat down and watched it. I know for me personally, sometimes it is almost a way of self-testing your strength, or the power you have or don’t have over your triggers. I knew ahead of time certain scenes would get under my skin but I pushed through, testing myself episode after episode, regardless of any trauma it may or may not leave on me. I don’t know if I will ever know if it was my curiosity or the self-destructive part of my illness that was the ultimate driving factor to me watching the show.

There is much controversy over the graphic showing of Hanna’s death and although I admit I did not expect it, it’s closer to reality than some glorified, peaceful death. There is no beauty in suicide. It is not clean and painless. We do not just drift off into sleep and quietly pass away. There is no possible way to glorify the depth of pain that one feels in order to take one’s own life, be it pre-planned or an irrational moment.

Here in Canada, the scene caused enough ruckuses that the school boards felt it necessary to send home warning letters to parents regarding the potentially triggering topics of the show, and actually included information on prevention and communication as well as hotline numbers. There is discussion about how the rape scene and cyber bullying is not properly addressed. There is conversation over the educational systems lack of support, and even questions about whether the tapes and suicide were a cry for attention.

People are enthralled in the discussion via one aspect or another, regardless of the criticism or praise, and that is the one thing that everyone seems to be forgetting. Regardless of how you feel about the show, you are now discussing and reading about topics which you may never have before. People complain that it shouldn’t take a TV series to get subjects like suicide, rape and bullying to the surface, but that is the world we live in. A musical artist dresses one way, and we have a generation of kids with pants beneath their asses. Lady Gaga says she has PTSD, and all of a sudden it is front page news. So, this show did the one thing that is perhaps the most important… it not only started the conversation, but brought it to a whole new level.


- Jody (Jody's Blog)

Read all of Jody's Columnist Posts

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Jody

Guest Blogger
Writer
Survivor, Warrior, Conqueror

Visit Jody's website at

Jodyb2016 Wordpress

  

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly and Jody

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Saying I Love Myself

I know this blog post may sound funny to some and if it does, well... have a chuckle about it.  Unfortunately for the naysayers, this is a concept I use and it does work for me.

Saying "I love myself" is a very healing concept.

I got the idea from watching Marlee Matlin play the role in the What The Bleep Do We Know movie.  In one scene, she was writing "I Love You" on her body.  I thought that was a very powerful scene.

I have been through rashes and other situations where very little helped to heal my body. I've struggled with depression and anxiety and suicide.  Sometimes, not very much helps or works at that moment.

One thing I do is start saying "I Love You" to myself.  If there is a body part that is affected, I start looking at it and saying, "I Love You".  If it is just about life in general, I will repeat these words, "I Love You".

Now, I know it seems silly and probably ridiculous to do this.  Yet if you read the book by Masaru Emoto, The Hidden Messages Of Water, you will see that this has great merit to it.

The voices that laugh at me...

Often when I try to tell myself or a body part that "I Love You", I hear my own background voices laughing at me.  They try to tell me just how silly this is.  They try to tell me how stupid I am to believe that love is even possible let alone what I am doing.

I've learned to not silence those voices in the background, but acknowledge them. If you push them to the back and ignore them, they only grow stronger.  If you acknowledge them and send love to them, you're winning the battle against them.

What I've seen with this concept is that I have seen rashes ease up and heal.  I've seen my depression and anxiety lift.  I've seen my own mind be changed from suicidal thoughts.

Is this a quick fix?  Not always.  Sometimes I see results quickly, but at other times I have to do this for a time before my mind and body actually begin to listen to it.

Repeat to get myself to hear it...

Often times, I have to repeat this over and over to myself before I get myself to listen to it.  It isn't easy to hear and it isn't always easy to do.  However, it is very effective.

Many years ago when I was struggling to come to terms with some of the horrible abuse memories I was dealing with, I used one of Shaina Noll's songs, How Could Anyone, to help me.  I would play this morning and night in the privacy of my home where no one could hear me, and I would sing the words.  Most of the time, I'd be crying hysterically by the time I got done.  However, after several weeks of this, I could tell it had a profound impact on me.

Whatever situation you are going through in life or whatever you have had to deal with, one of the things that we often need to do is to learn to love ourselves.  That's a rough part of healing, but saying "I Love You" in whatever form that works for you can be so healing.

It most likely may be something you will need to repeat often because when we've been hurt or tortured or abused, the last thing we believe is that we can be loved.  This is just one of the things that has helped me heal what I thought would never change.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Helping Prevent Suicide Webinar

One of the things I struggle with in life is suicide and I know I'm not alone.  In fact, I am writing a book about my struggles with suicide.  It is a situation that plagues our society and world, but the shame that goes along with it keeps many suffering in silence.

For those that are left behind, they deal with the anguish of losing a loved one or a friend to suicide.  I never realized this part until I was able to speak to my friend on the subject.  Suicide is difficult for anyone connected to it and it does destroy lives.

What is worse in our society and world is that we shame those who suffer and we don't fix the underlying problems.  We spend too little on mental health issues and support, while doing things that are beyond harmful and do anything but help those who suffer.

On February 4, 2017 at 1 pm EST, I am hosting a webinar with my good friend who lost her son to suicide.  It is a heartbreaking story, but I hope that through this webinar, we offer hope and some new ways of looking at healing and support.  While it is a heavy subject, my intent is to help prevent suicide in others.

The online webinar is free and open to whoever signs up.  Space is limited and if I see that it is filling up, we will try to schedule additional webinars.  There will be a time for some questions at the end of it.  The webinar should be about an hour long.

Free Webinar

Feb 4, 2017 at 1pm EST

If suicide is something that you deal with or you know someone that does, please join us.  If you have had to deal with the loss of someone close to you because of suicide, please join us.  I think you will find this webinar helpful and supportive and healing.

To sign up for this webinar, go to the link, A Mother's Promise To Help After Son's Suicide.  It is a free webinar, but space is limited in the online event.


I look forward to seeing you on the webinar.  Leave a comment below with questions or you can also catch me on Twitter.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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BPD and Suicide - Reasons The Numbers Are High

By Jody.  Among all of the mental illnesses, research has shown that people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) have not only the highest number of suicide attempts, but also the highest rates of completion. Some studies have the numbers as high as 70% of people with BPD will attempt suicide at least once in their lifetime, while many will have multiple attempts, and the death rates are estimated as high as 10%. BPD is primarily characterized by unstable emotions, impulsive behavior, unstable sense of self, intense but unstable relationships, repeated sudden and rapid mood swings, self-harm, and frequent suicidal thoughts and actions.


I was not officially diagnosed until last year, but I have been suicidal since I was a child, hence my first attempt at age eight, and subsequent attempts over the years, which I had attributed solely to multiple childhood traumas and the death of my Mom. I knew there was “something wrong with me” but had no interest in finding out what, as it was easier to ignore than to deal with. When I was first diagnosed, I really had no clue what BPD was and wasn’t sure I was happy being placed into a diagnostic box, until I went home and did some reading and realized that these characteristics were all ones that I ones I had consistently displayed over the years, especially the suicide and self-harm.

After being diagnosed and realizing I was not the only one with these thoughts, I started doing some reading on the commonality of suicide and self-harm, and why it was so prevalent among individuals with BPD, and the same three things came up repeatedly, all which fit accurately with the attempts in my life.

1. People with BPD experience extremely emotions, especially negative ones, at a much more intense level than that average person. It feels somewhat like always having an open wound that when touched even gently causes immense pain. These emotions often become so intense and overwhelming that our minds simply can’t process the pain and we often feel like the only way to end the pain, is to end our lives, even if we don’t necessarily want to die.
2. One of the primary and most difficult symptoms of BPD to control is the impulsivity, which is the tendency to act quickly without recognizing consequences. For me, it feels like the emotional part of my brain has shut down the cognitive, rational side to the point that every thought and action then becomes emotively driven, and often that is what triggers the thoughts of suicide and self –harm. It is often recurrent attempts or injuries that are the only reasons people with BPD present for help.
   
    
3. BPD is a chronic condition, meaning that not only does it often last for years but there are no medications to manage it directly, and those that are prescribed are generally for the symptoms of other illnesses that often present with BPD. The main road to recovery is through therapy, and sadly, for so many people that is not a viable option, whether it is for personal or financial reasons, BPD often goes untreated, hence the extreme number of suicide attempts.

Suicide is a subject that most people are ignorant to only because it has yet to directly affect them, however if the statistics keep rising at the current rate, it won’t be too long before everyone knows someone who has been affected. A simple conversation could help to save a life, so be the one to start it.

Additional Resources:

BPD is a chronic condition and usually lasts for years. Conditions that are more chronic may lead to more risk for suicide since they do not tend to get better quickly without treatment. BPD tends to co-occur with other mental disorders, such as bipolar disorder, major depression and schizoaffective disorder. When there are other mental disorders present, the risk of suicide increases.

Guest Blogger Note

Jody is a 3x suicide attempt survivor, childhood domestic violence survivor and sexual abuse survivor dealing with borderline personality disorder, depression, self-harm and anxiety.  Hoping to make the difference in at least one life.  You can find Jody on her BLOG or you can follow her on TWITTER.  She's a great friend to follow!

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Images courtesy of Jody with permission.
• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Destigmatize Mental Illness, Suicide and Addiction

I recently learned of a new film that William Dickerson is working on.  It is based upon his novel, "No Alternative".  The purpose is to help destigmatize mental illness, addiction and suicide.

When I first read about it, my heart was moved by the video that he has put together describing the project.  I've suffered from mental illness and I've also dealt with attempted suicide in my own life.  This project touches me closely.

I sat down with William to talk a little more about his film and ways that we could help him see this completed.  It is too important of a subject for anything to stop this from being seen by everyone in this world.

You can also find his book, No Alternative, on Amazon.

Click to learn more about the film: No Alternative.

Here's my interview with William Dickerson. 

What brought you to do this project?

This is an adaptation of my novel, "No Alternative," which I wrote as a type of plea for my mentally ill sister's survival, and a love song to the era I came of age in: the early 1990's. Since publishing my novel in 2012, my sister passed away from her illness and the motivation to make this film became bigger than ever.

What do you hope to accomplish with this film?

I hope to make an entertaining film about an important era in pop culture and destigmatize mental illness, addiction and suicide in the process. I have no doubt this is a movie that teenagers of yesterday, today and tomorrow can, and will, relate to.

In what ways are the rapper in the film similar to your sister and in what ways is she different?

I plan to portray the rapper in the film as close to my sister's real life rap persona as possible. The character of Bridget, when she's not Bri Da B, is modeled after my sister, too, but there is also a fair share of artistic license that I'm employing.

What impact did Kurt Cobain's suicide have on you?  How did that affect you?

It had an indelible impact on me. It was the reason I picked up a guitar and began to learn how to play it. There was something inside me that wanted to pick up where Kurt left off: I learned all his songs and formed a band, ultimately forging an indie career that was highly influenced by Kurt and his music.

Why did you choose the grunge-era?

It is my opinion that there hasn't been as important a time in pop culture since the grunge-era. For me, it's not even a close call. Just about 20 to 25 years after an important moment in time, people usually begin to become nostalgic about it. The time is now for the 90's to be explored on film.

How can people help?

I am currently crowdfunding through From The Heart Productions, which is a non-profit organization that supports socially conscious filmmaking. Contributions are tax-deductible and I would encourage people to check out the online campaign for the film here: https://bitly.com/noalternativefilm. I need all the help and support I can get!

Thank you very much William for taking the time to sit with me for this interview.  I hope that many more people will read this and find a way to help you make this happen.  It is such an important subject that needs to be talked about in every way possible.  Please click on the link above or on the banner image below to learn more about this film and how you can help bring it to life.

#Mentalillness
#suicide
#addiction

Sinning Does Not Cause Depression Or Anxiety

I couldn't believe it when I read it.  I mean, come on - there's enough people hurting in the world without trying to make up stuff that isn't true.  Depression and anxiety are very real things that many have to deal with every day.

It pains me to see anyone that suffers from depression or anxiety have to live with the ignorance that is out there on this subject.  Today though, took the cake!  It was a horrible display and makes me absolutely sick.

In the comment I read as you can see here in the image to the right, they said that depression and anxiety was caused by sinning.  Its strictly a religious thing to them.  Now, the people that made this claim are holier than thou religious people.  I get that, but it still doesn't excuse it under any circumstances!


Unfortunately these people have no clue what biology is about or what mental health issues truly involve.  They must think that medicine and science are woo woo and that their misinterpreted views of religion are the only truth out there.  In fact, I know that's how they see things.  Of course, they are allowed to hold whatever beliefs they want, but when someone starts forcing it down others in their time of distress, then I've got big issues with people like this.

I grew up in this mindset and remember when I went through Conversion Disorder, I got some of this same stuff shoved at me.  One lady told me that I didn't need to go to the hospital, I just needed to pray about it.  Never mind that I was paralyzed and could not walk.  Of course, she was speechless when I looked at her and said, "If you broke your arm, would you just pray about it or would you go to the doctor?"  You see, these people sometimes don't engage the brain cells before they open their mouth.  I know, that's a harsh statement, but sometimes you can really hurt others with these misguided words.

Anxiety and depression are real.  Suicide is real.  I've been through both and praying to God didn't cure that because it was physical and biological conditions.  You can act as if they aren't real, but just because you don't think they are real, doesn't mean you are correct!

Sometimes our words are not only ignorant, but they are hurtful.  Imagine a person that is struggling to just make it through a day and you spew your unfounded beliefs upon them like this.  It could just be the last straw in their life.  They may say enough and find a way to end things.  Your words do far more damage than you may think at times.

This is plain ignorance in my view and it angers me when I read this stuff.  If you believe in God, I would think you would surely believe that he created all things, including doctors.  Sometimes, it is better to not just claim you know something, but be silent and let the professionals help the ones that need help.  Let the compassionate people care for others and just go over into your little cave in the ground and hide for another century.

So many people deal with depression and anxiety.  They have had to be strong for far too long without any escape and it isn't an easy road dealing with it or trying to heal your life and find your footing.  Its tough at the very least.

I've been through anxiety, depression, and suicide.  I know what it is like to freak out in a store or in a car.  I know what it is like to struggle in an elevator or an enclosed room.  I know what it is like to deal with the anxiety attacks that just come out of nowhere from the slightest trigger you can't even see.

I know what depression feels like and how lonely and lost you can get.  I know the despair, the pain and the misery.  I know just how difficult it is to keep going in a day when nothing matters and  you could care less.  It is not just a temporary sadness, but something that goes much deeper.

I know what suicide is like.  I've struggled far too many times to do it and fortunately I was never successful.  When you get in those moments, nothing else matters, but comments such as the one above do nothing to help.  Suicide is a horrible moment where all that matters is hanging on long enough to make it through to the next moment.


Our words can hurt.  Our religious piety does no good for other humans.  If we truly want to help others, we need to listen with our hearts and minds.  We need to be there without judgment and condemnation.  We need to treat them as they are human, not as they are less than.

Stop the judgment of anxiety and depression and suicide, because they are real things that people have to deal with.  They aren't a punchline to get more people into your church!  Be a force of love and compassion to people, helping them find their way in this difficult world.  Don't add to their pain.  Show them love and compassion.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Do Antidepressants Work

I'm not a big believer in medication or pills of any kind.  I never have been and that started way back when I was a little kid.  Even in my career with animals, I always tried to find other ways to treat sick animals and keep them well without using medication and vaccines.  We live in an over-medicated society both with humans and animals.

While I am not a big supporter of medications, I do believe there are times that we need things to help us through difficult times of our life.  As I say that, I'm perplexed because what one person thinks is a bad time versus how another person sees these difficult moments is so different that I think it is hard to be objective.

Do Antidepressants work?  

Are Antidepressants bad ?  

These are tough questions and what I write is not necessarily based upon objective scientific research data that I can summarize.  It is based upon my own life's experiences.  I'm not speaking from a pie-in-the-sky concept, but one that has helped me in my own life. 

Do Antidepressants Work?

It depends upon who you talk to if antidepressants work.  Pharmaceutical companies and many medical doctors will claim they work with data to back up their claims.  Others in the new age or alternative industry will claim that they do very little.  Some people will claim they are nothing more than the placebo effect.

Keep in mind that the pharmaceutical companies are trying to market and make a profit off of the antidepressants.  This is not necessarily a bad thing, but it has gotten carried away in our day and age.  I personally feel too many medical professionals are compromised because there is far too much money and perks thrown at them by the pharmaceutical companies.  Most likely there is a great deal of peer pressure as well and many individuals also demand that their doctors give them these medications.

Some people will state that you can do the same with your mind that the antidepressant can do in your mind.  While I don't discount that, it is far more difficult for people who are severely depressed to do this on their own will and accord.  When you are in that deep state of depression, nothing matters in life and changing how your mind sees things is not something you can easily do.

Are Antidepressants Bad For You

There are many side effects from taking antidepressants and they are not fun.  Ask anyone taking medications about side effects and most likely they will tell you how awful they are.  I fully believe that any drug or pill or medication you take that alters one system in the body, damages or degrades or alters another system in the body.

If we were meant to take these pills like this, I think we would have been born with them in our hands.  On the other hand, we do have doctors that exist to help us through life's problems.  I just don't believe you can categorically state that antidepressants are bad for you overall.  It depends upon the person.

One horrible mistake we make in our society with medications and antidepressants is that we look to them as the treat-all and end-all for our condition.  We gulp them down as if this tiny drug will magically make our life better and we in no way need to do anything else to help change our life.  We don't change our ways.  We don't alter what we do.  We just take the pill and go on about our life with the same patterns, choices, and awareness that brought us to this point.

While some new age and alternative therapies want to act as if all antidepressants are bad, they are forgetting one thing.  The individual that does not have the tools or the resources to help them through a rough part of life, needs something that will help temporarily.  The individual needs something to be able to get back on their feet and in lieu of the tools or resources, antidepressants can help.  Again, I say this with the assumption that the individual is seeking out other ways to work on their life and making choices that lifts them into a different awareness in life.

My Experience With Antidepressants

When I went through Conversion Disorder, my doctor wanted to put me on medication.  I fought him hard on this because my family told me that the doctors would brainwash me if I went on medication.  So, my doctor made a deal with me that we would try it my way (without antidepressants and medication) and if it didn't work, we would try it his way.  I made it all the way until I was discharged from the hospital and once the real world hit me, I had no choice but to go on medications.

I had unusual experiences with antidepressants where I didn't know what to expect, but I thought the sensations and feelings I was getting after being on the medications for a few weeks were somehow bad for me.  Little did I know that this is how life was supposed to be and without antidepressants, I would have never discovered that part of life.  They helped me so much but at the same time, I was doing extensive therapy work on myself.  I was not just relying on the drugs and medications to be a magic wand.  I did not stay on these for more than 2 or 3 years which I think is a good thing.

Fast-forward many years where more was beginning to surface in my life and each day I was seeking ways to actively commit suicide.  I started seeing a therapist and she suggested that I start taking antidepressants again.  At this point in my life, they helped me deal with what was going on so that I would stop trying to kill myself.  It was then that I could focus more on therapy and working through the issues I had to deal with in my life.  Without antidepressants, I'm not sure I would be alive.

As I have continued my healing in this life, I have found other ways to deal with depression, anxiety, and all the issues I have had to deal with throughout my life.  It is a different form of work, but one that takes you deep internally and makes the connection between what you feel in the body and how the mind connects to it.  It has been a challenging process, but one that now allows me the tools to deal with what comes up, even if I sink down into despair for a short period of time.

Our Choices With Antidepressants

We all have to make choices in how we treat ourselves and what paradigms we hold on to or let go of in our life.  We can embrace a medication lifestyle or we can embrace a life where we get to know ourselves intimately in an internal sort of way.  The answers we need are not in a pill, medication, procedure or the advice of some other person.  These things may help us get to the answers, but ultimately the answers are within us.  We just have to stop and find them!  Unfortunately today in our society, we fail to go inside for the answers.

Feel free to ask questions if you want and I will try to answer them from my own experience.  No matter what, if you are in a bad spot in life, please seek help.  Get informed so that you make the best choices for your life.

This blog post is not medical advice.  It is more about my experience and what worked for me.  You need to seek the advice of a medical professional before making any decisions based upon the information I have shared in this blog post.

You may also want to check out my book that details some of what I went through in life.  I am working on a second book that shares a different side of the torture and trauma I experienced.  Check out my book on Amazon, Hope And Possibility Through Trauma.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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A Mother's Promise To Help After Son's Suicide

Tommy Crawford was a free-spirited boy who didn’t let things bother him — or so it seemed. The business major loved to make people laugh, and always liked to have fun. Nobody who knew him had any clue about the demons that made Tommy take his own life. They still don’t understand it.

One year earlier, Tommy was the one who first received the news that his biological dad had shot himself. Tommy was upset, but didn’t want to talk about it, burying the hurt deep down inside. Exactly one year later, on November 8, 2012, Tommy went out and got drunk. That night he was playing video games with friends, when he told them there was something that he needed to do. With no warning, Tommy took out a gun and shot himself in the head. He was just 22 years old.

That moment would have a devastating effect on Tommy’s family. His stepfather James would have a heart attack three months later, while his mother Barbara Lempereur would go through years of pain and agony, before emerging with a burning desire to help others whose lives were torn apart by suicide, or who are contemplating suicide. Tommy’s room is now a healing room in the Lempereur home. As she moves forward, out of the darkness, Barbara wants others to know there is hope. Barbara’s story — and Tommy’s — need to be told.

This is a very personal story that Don Shetterly and Jeff Lemlich wrote about Barbara Lempereur's son who committed suicide.  It isn't just about the story, but the healing she went through and how she is helping others. Please pass this on so others can be helped by this story.

Read the full article, A Mother's Promise To Help After Son's Suicide.

 

  #suicide

 

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Blog Post And Images (c) 12/19/15 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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