When Life Throws So Much At You

Written By Don Shetterly

I know I am a person with great strength, but right now as I am writing this, it doesn't feel that way.  By the time you read this, hopefully, things will have changed.  I wanted to jot my thoughts down in case others resonated with what I am writing.

In my life, I don't shy away from difficult parts of my healing.  I usually go into them head first when many sometimes do the opposite.  However, with all that has come up and slapped me in the face, I'm seriously reconsidering my philosophy on life.

It has not been easy.  I've wanted to give up a few times.  In many ways, I don't feel like I've got anyone to talk to or ask for help.  It feels like most of the ones I go to, just aren't there this time.  Maybe that's the break to something different.  I don't know.  However, I can tell you it is not an easy place to be in.

During these most recent moments, it has felt like the foundation below my feet dropped out.  At the same time, I've been pushed around by gale force winds that make it hard to regain my footing.  There have been many moments where I questioned, could I even make it through this.  Did I have what it takes?

For me to ask that question means the storms are hitting hard.  I've already been through paralysis and depression, anxiety and suicide.  Not to mention, there was a near-death experience and a complete loss of everything I once knew in life.  I have managed to rise out of the ashes from those experiences, but this moment is taking me to a whole new level.

I'm hunkered down in my cave right now waiting for the storm to subside enough I can step back out into the sunshine.  I'm doing this through spending time alone and writing and creating.  These are the things that I grasp on to when nothing else seems to work.  Nature is also a big part of my comfort and support because nature understands when humans do not.

In many ways, I know and realize that I have made it this far.  In those times of the distant past, I wondered then as well, did I have what it takes?  To realize that my memory was gone and I had to relearn how to walk and do the basics, I can see I made it through those insurmountable odds.

These are the things I carry with me during this time.  They are what keeps me going and stopping me from ultimately giving up.  There have been times recently that I had to really fight to say to my self, "I Know You Can Do This!"

I'm hopeful for easier days.   May the easier moments arrive soon!  I long for a normalness to my day and night.  As I keep reminding myself of words, I share with others, "this too shall pass."

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Blog Post And Images (c) 11/30/17 by Don Shetterly

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Sometimes Life Doesn't Make Sense

Written By Don Shetterly

At times, I wonder why things happen. I've wondered that for my entire life.  I see events unfolding, and none of them make sense to me.  I am often left with unanswered questions and feelings of bewilderment and confusion.


Some people say you should believe in this thing or that thing.  Some will tell you to practice some new age thought system or meditate or try this experience or that.  Far too many times, while this may be a result of someone feeling inadequate to help you, one size does not fit all.  I'm not saying these things do not help or work, but sometimes it feels as if it is not enough.  Sometimes life doesn't make sense.

I didn't give up...

I've gone through those moments where I didn't think I could stand up, let alone walk another step.  Sometimes physically I could not walk.  Sometimes in trying to walk, I fell or struggled to find my balance.  No matter what, I didn't give up.

There are times I have had to learn to accept the moment for what it is, not having a clue as to why I'm experiencing it.  There are times when I've just had to completely let go and allow whatever was going to take place to happen.  No matter what, there are times when we have no control over what happens, and that is just the way it is.  We wait for the moment to pass so we can regain control.

When I was a kid, I begged and screamed out for someone to help me, but no one heard my cries.  I wanted those that abused and tortured me and my animals to hurt for what they did.  I wanted them struck down.  My voice went unheard.  My thoughts were lost in the echoes of silence.

The only thing I have ever known is to keep going when life doesn't make sense.  It isn't easy.  It takes every ounce of strength you have and then some.  Moments in life that don't make sense can push you beyond what you think is capable.

I have learned that if I can focus on how far I have come and what I've already traveled through, then I can make it through much more than I may see at this moment.  If I found the strength, courage, and determination previously, then I can summon it now.

We are often much stronger than we give ourselves credit for in times of difficult circumstances.  Even if we see ourselves as weak and we don't feel like we can make it, rest assured that you hold much more inside you than you realize at this moment.

Grab hold of that strength and hang on to it until things pass and your life calms down to the point of greater ease and peace.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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In The Little Steps We Heal

Written By Don Shetterly

When you've been through sexual abuse, rape, and trauma, healing isn't fun.  Often times it can be overwhelming, to say the least, to figure out how to feel or if you really want to go through the journey of healing.


It is in the little steps that we heal, though while the horrors are raging in our life, sometimes that is hard to remember.  While we want our life to be past all that was done to us, it isn't that simple. I know that as I look back in my own life, I see the moments come together where I was making more progress than I thought I was.

Little steps of healing seem so insignificant when we are in the middle of them.  Sometimes we feel like we've only moved an inch up a 5000-mile high mountain.  Yet, if we didn't move that inch, we would not be any further to climbing the mountain.

I Cannot Do That...

If you look at a mountain and try to picture yourself climbing it in one step, you'd probably laugh and say, "I cannot do that!"  Yet, in our healing, we try to force ourselves to do that, and then we exhaust ourselves.  We make healing into such a monumental task that we want to give up before we start.

Instead, if we looked at the mountain and allowed ourselves to climb a few feet or however far we chose to go that day, we would make major progress.  Yes, we might face rock slides, storms, and get thirsty.  Yes, it might be treacherous in moments where our feet slip.

The more we allow ourselves to climb at our own pace, taking the little steps, the further we will go. It is in the little steps of that day that we get higher and higher, further and further.

In my own life, I've been able to look back and realize that all of those little steps I was taking, whether I knew it or not, were getting me further.  They were helping me to find the authentic part of myself that I didn't know existed.

They were taking me to higher points along the path, so that now I could see things more clearly than when I was several feet back.  The vantage point and viewing changed as I went further, but I had to climb through those little steps at the beginning of the journey to see more.

Healing isn't easy.  At times, we want to give up thinking we've not gone very far.  It is in those moments that we have most likely gone much further in the journey than we realize.  If we turn back too quickly, we may miss the monumental plateau that is right ahead of us.

Honor and allow the little steps because when we do, we will find out that we are healing our lives.

In the little steps, we heal.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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Turning Over Stones In Life

Written By Don Shetterly

Back in the early days when I found out I had Conversion Disorder, I was struggling and fighting for my life.  I was struggling not only to survive but to figure out how to function.

The paralysis started to get better, but my legs and body were weak.  My memory had gone, so remembering anything required me to write it down on a piece of paper, or it was like I was not even aware of it.  Anxiety attacks had become my best friend.  Depression and suicide were my goals.

I had no hope that anything would get better.  I wasn't sure how it would.  I was stuck in the pain and fear of a cycle that had been playing out for many years.  The only thing is I was a participant in all that was going on in my life.

When I read the limited stuff I could find about Conversion Disorder, I saw that it will probably ease and subside.  However, the chances of it showing up again were pretty high, and subsequent attacks were more the norm.  That was what the literature showed in some study that I have misplaced now.

It was pure torture every day...

In my mind, I wanted to give up and die.  The daily struggle was difficult.  I had a family turn against me.  I was fighting to re-enter life again and function in a job so I could exist.  There was nothing fun about my life at that moment.  It was pure torture every day.

I was not prepared to accept what the medical establishment would say was the outcome and prognosis of my future days.  I was not prepared to accept that I would struggle daily with anxiety attacks, depression, and suicide attempts.  I was not prepared to stay on medication forever and ever.

Yet, I had no idea how to get out of this.  I knew of no way to go from where I was at that moment to where my mind thought was possible.  I felt like giving up.  I felt like the struggle was just too much.

Something kept me going...

Something inside kept me from giving up.  Something kept me going.  Something deep inside of me kept telling me it was possible to heal and make it.

I started to look at what others were doing and looked for the moments within them that helped them.  Yes, there is plenty that people do which is not helpful, but I tried to see beyond that moment.  I tried to find the reality and authenticity of what was helping to make them better.

I started to turn over every stone in my path and find anything that helped.  I turned over many stones.  Not all of the stones were helpful to me, and sometimes it exhausted me.  Every now and then I would come across one stone that really helped me, and I would study it, learn from it and embrace it.  The stones that didn't help, I would try to push to the side of the path where others had placed similar stones.

Sometimes I needed a rest...

Sometimes I would find a resting place along my path and sit down for awhile, since I had no more energy to go on and I had no more will to fight.  It was those moments, I learned, that were necessary for me to continue.

Even through the most difficult and darkest of moments, something deep inside kept me going.  Often it was a small little pilot light that burned, but somehow I knew it was there.  I knew there was a spark within me waiting to ignite and propel me forward.

I never accepted any condition by any doctor as being the sole source of my health and well-being.  I knew there was more and I was not about to let anyone tell me that the condition I was in was the way things would be.  I fought tooth and nail most days, but I knew that I had to keep going.

I had to keep searching, for the alternative to continuing my journey was a life that was more frightening than I realized.  My evidence was Conversion Disorder, and I was not about to go back to those moments where my life almost ended.

I pass on to those who struggle to not give up where you are in the journey.  I realize the fight is hard.  I realize it is exhausting.  I realize it is easy to give up.

Don't give up!

Don't stop!

Turn over every stone you find in your path until you find one that propels you forward and then ride it for as long as you can.  Let it help you find the next stone to turn over and take you forward in your life.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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I Don't Stop Where I'm At

When my life stopped because I was paralyzed, I thought my entire world had ended.  I couldn't take care of myself.  I could not feed myself, not that I wanted food anyway.  Talking was almost impossible unless you count getting a word out every few minutes as normal.

I wanted to give up.  In fact, my body tried hard to give up.  I had seizures from the Conversion Disorder.  I struggled to keep myself awake.  The rest of the time I was either a zombie or asleep.  It was a terrifying ordeal considering the day before it started, I was up and running around just like everyone else.

In those days, there were no support groups to ask how to come out of this because the internet was barely a thing at the time.  It was in the early days of CompuServe and Prodigy and AOL.  It would be many years later before I would meet someone else with Conversion Disorder.

Of course, by this point in my life, I have healed so much and have been able to do much more than anyone ever thought I could.  In the early days, they didn't expect that I would make it, much less function normally and go back to work.  I proved them wrong.

I don't quit trying...

How did I prove them wrong?  I adopted the philosophy that I have always lived by in my life.  I don't stop where I'm at and I don't quit trying. 

I will turn my world upside down if I have to and I'll challenge anything that someone thinks is what I should believe.  I'm not one to just accept the situation I am in.  After all, when I was paralyzed, I didn't know if I would ever walk again at the time.

It took me saying I'm going to find my way through this while leaving no stone unturned.  I knew I had to keep looking for how to heal myself, because the doctors at the time didn't have a clue.  There was a way, but I had to let go of what I thought worked in my life to find out what did.

I had to let go...

I had to let go of everything that was my life up to that point.  I had to let go of what my family thought I should do and what friends thought I should do.  I had to walk over the edge of the cliff and take the leap so I could find the path before me.

By not stopping where I was and pushing into the unknown, I found my way through it, step by step.  I didn't hold on to labels.  I didn't hold on to the diagnosis.  I started to search for all that physically helped me and resonated with me.  I started to search for all that felt right, even if I could not see a difference in the early days.

I had to turn every stone over...

It was through letting go of all I was holding on to that I discovered the things that got me to walk again, talk again, and begin functioning in life once again.  None of it was easy.  None of it was immediate.  None of it was anything anyone could tell me to do.  I had to find the path forward and I had to turn over every stone until I saw where I could take a step.

Healing and experiences in life can be pretty daunting and challenging.  Sometimes they work hard to take us under.  As hard as it is to do, we do make the choices in how we proceed.  Many times, the choices seem limited and nonexistent, but they are there.  The process of finding them is where the healing begins.

I thought the odds of me recovering from what I went through were zero.  Yet, in the depths of despair and taking my last breaths, I decided in my mind that I was going to fight and come through this.  It was a difficult time and the choice to fight and find my way through was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

Don't stop where you're at.  Don't think this is the way things will always be.  There is far more than we are aware of in this one single moment of time.  I do not accept any condition I face now as if it is the way things are.  I've learned that I have to give that up in order to find myself.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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Finding That Sense Of Calmness

It isn't easy these days in a world full of turmoil and screaming.  Finding that sense of calmness and peace within us feels as difficult right now as hearing the winds of a category 3 hurricane slam the house walls.  You hope and you pray that your walls stand strong, but even doubts enter your mind.

I consider myself a person that can find that place of peace and calmness, but these days and in the past several months, my own life has been hit with so much.  It has become hard for me to find that place and know that I am all that I am.

It isn't easy to travel through the days and months, seeing what you once believe in or felt or who you once knew, ditch you and ignore you or run from you.  When you stand up at the moment of truth and you see everything disappear, it is difficult to find that sense of calmness.

Don't stop walking...

I'm not saying you can't find the sense of calmness.  I'm just saying, it is not always easy.  Should we give up trying - NO!  Should we hunker down - MAYBE!  Most of all, don't stop walking, even if you are only taking steps are almost too impossible to see.

Finding that sense of calmness is not about what others tell you it should be.  It is not what social media or the rest of the world says it should be.  That calmness is your inner sense of being and what you know to be true for yourself in that moment.  All else, does not matter.

I look forward to calmer days and I try to be an optimist thinking that they still exist.  Yet, there are moments when I cannot get myself to believe this is still true.  I must remind myself daily to keep looking forward so that I will be once again reunited with a sense of calmness.

These days and times are tough, but stay true to yourself.  Learn to really be true to yourself in all things, and not just those things you currently know.  Often times, what we think is true today, is not true tomorrow because we don't see today what we can see tomorrow.

#Calmness

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

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Keep Going!

No matter what you face in your day, remember that tomorrow will be another opportunity.  I know that sounds like a cliche' but it is true.  Sometimes when the storms of your day get far too intense, don't give up.  Keep going.

I've been through far too many things in my life and believe me, at times, I struggled to keep going.  It took all my strength to not give up.  I'm sure you've had those moments and I'm not alone in this.

Here is what I wrote in an attempt to help.  Keep in mind, that sometimes no matter what someone says or what you read, words are never always enough.  Sometimes, moments in life just suck.  Keep going - no matter what!

Keep going when all else seems like it is too hard to deal with in a day.  When your troubles before you feel like they are bigger than you can comprehend, don't give up.  Keep going!

Keep going when it feels like the earth is falling away from you and you're flying without a rope.  When moments come by as if there is nothing you can do, don't give up. Keeping going!

Keep going when the memories from your past haunt you and attempt to encompass your every move.  Don't give in.  Don't give up the fight.  Take them right back from whatever is trying to steal your life's essence.  Tell them to get lost.  Tell them you are taking back your life.

Keep going when it feels like there are no answers.  When you keep asking the question of "why" and you find no answers, don't give up.  Keep turning over the rocks until you find the one that fits in place.  It may be a long road, but the right answer will show up when you're least expecting it.

Keep going when the pains in life are too much to bear.  When the pain becomes so intense that you just want to scream and yet it feels like the screams do very little.  The pain may be strong, but it too will pass and you will find calmer waters ahead.

Keep going when you feel weary and bruised to the bone.  When it feels like you will not be able to rise to see another day, don't give up.  Don't give up!  Keep going because there is a good chance, that what you so badly need is right there ready to make its acquaintance.

Keep going because with all things in life, there is a season.   In all things, whatever we are facing will fade away.  This too shall pass.

Even though it feels like there is no end in sight, I will promise you that if you keep going, you will find your way through this in whatever form that you need to take.  If you give up, you will miss out on this most important morsel of life that is waiting to be discovered, created, and one with your life.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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