Sometimes We Break Into Many Pieces

Written By Don Shetterly

It is a given in life I think that sometimes things don't go as planned.  Sometimes we break into many pieces.  When this happens, it is never fun, but sometimes it is necessary.

I can look back at my life and see just how many times I felt so broken inside.  The moments where I felt like I could not go on and I would not make it.  Experiences that felt like they were taking me under as I gulped for my last breath of air.

In these moments of life, I felt like I had broken into so many pieces that there would never be a way to put myself together.  I didn't believe at those times that I could go on and make it in life.  In fact, at one point I went through the paralysis of Conversion Disorder. It felt like walking again was a pipe dream.

Through all of those moments, I came to realize that I could make it.  I had more strength within myself than I realized existed at that second.  When I thought there was no more to get, somehow I reached further down and found more strength.

I also came to realize that sometimes when I felt so broken, that it was in those moments where I found my way forward.  It almost took the millions of pieces I had become before I could begin to piece life back together.

In fact, I think for the junk in life I no longer needed, the pieces had to break.  It was the only way out for the stuff that was no longer useful.  If I hadn't broken into many pieces, I would have held on to the things forever.  In the end, I would not have made it without going through this step.

While I know, it isn't easy when your life has been shattered.  I know it is difficult to see that this may result in something good.  I understand that.  However, I know in my own life, and I've got a feeling you do too, that you will make it through this.  I've got a feeling that you'll discover strength you didn't know what was present.

Even though sometimes we break into many pieces, just remember that we can always put ourselves together.  When we do this, we often find a much stronger way of piecing our life back, so we're more prepared to take on so much more in the future!

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Blog Post And Images (c) November 28, 2017, by Don Shetterly

• Permission required in writing before any part of this blog post from 11/28/17 is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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Sometimes Life Doesn't Make Sense

Written By Don Shetterly

At times, I wonder why things happen. I've wondered that for my entire life.  I see events unfolding, and none of them make sense to me.  I am often left with unanswered questions and feelings of bewilderment and confusion.


Some people say you should believe in this thing or that thing.  Some will tell you to practice some new age thought system or meditate or try this experience or that.  Far too many times, while this may be a result of someone feeling inadequate to help you, one size does not fit all.  I'm not saying these things do not help or work, but sometimes it feels as if it is not enough.  Sometimes life doesn't make sense.

I didn't give up...

I've gone through those moments where I didn't think I could stand up, let alone walk another step.  Sometimes physically I could not walk.  Sometimes in trying to walk, I fell or struggled to find my balance.  No matter what, I didn't give up.

There are times I have had to learn to accept the moment for what it is, not having a clue as to why I'm experiencing it.  There are times when I've just had to completely let go and allow whatever was going to take place to happen.  No matter what, there are times when we have no control over what happens, and that is just the way it is.  We wait for the moment to pass so we can regain control.

When I was a kid, I begged and screamed out for someone to help me, but no one heard my cries.  I wanted those that abused and tortured me and my animals to hurt for what they did.  I wanted them struck down.  My voice went unheard.  My thoughts were lost in the echoes of silence.

The only thing I have ever known is to keep going when life doesn't make sense.  It isn't easy.  It takes every ounce of strength you have and then some.  Moments in life that don't make sense can push you beyond what you think is capable.

I have learned that if I can focus on how far I have come and what I've already traveled through, then I can make it through much more than I may see at this moment.  If I found the strength, courage, and determination previously, then I can summon it now.

We are often much stronger than we give ourselves credit for in times of difficult circumstances.  Even if we see ourselves as weak and we don't feel like we can make it, rest assured that you hold much more inside you than you realize at this moment.

Grab hold of that strength and hang on to it until things pass and your life calms down to the point of greater ease and peace.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Gotta Have Hope, right?

I overheard a discussion not long ago and I was amazed at what I heard.  They said, hope is pointless and that it adds nothing to life.  In fact, it was more like if you claimed you had hope, you're were setting yourself up for failure and it wasn't a good thing.

If hope is not a good thing or a valid thing, I cringe at the thought.

If there is no hope, we're all sledding down a rocky hill on our butts!  I'm sorry, but hope gets you through those moments when it feels like there is nothing else left.  It gets you through the times where you've just about given up completely.

Hope is the bungee cord of life.  It is there as something to hold on to and hopefully keep you from going to far.  Maybe hope is a "silly concept" and maybe to some it doesn't hold much value.  I just know from experience, without hope - I would not have made it this far.

When I was paralyzed and nearly dead, the only thing that kept me going was hope - hope for another day that could be better.  When I was actively trying to commit suicide every day, it was hope that helped me find my way back.

When the anxiety attacks and the depression, the horrors and the nightmares filled my waking hours, it was hope that helped keep me going.  When I felt shame and despair and had no self worth to care if another day came and went - it was hope that kept me going.

Sometimes in life, hope is all we have.  When we face moments that are difficult beyond belief, we can't just go in and turn a blind eye to everything.  They are there staring us in the face and trying to zap every last ounce of strength we have.

Hope is what gets us through just a little bit longer so we can see that things change.  Hope is what keeps us going when we feel like there is no tomorrow.  It is there for us to grab on to and asks little in return.

To say that hope is not valid or someone doesn't believe in it, I would only say - just wait until life grabs you so hard and chokes the life out of you.  It will be at that point where hope may be all you have in the moment.

I am saddened when I see people try to enlighten others with nonsense.  When statements are made that try to take away that little moment of all that someone may have, I am incensed by it.

For I know that if I would not have had hope in those very dark moments, I would not have made it this far.  There was little for me to grab on to and I didn't have the strength to go another day.  Hope helped me find my footing long enough for me to literally take another step.

Let's celebrate hope and hold on to it.  Sometimes it is the only lifeline anyone has!

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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In The Middle Of The Storm

Imagine you're in a ship on middle of the high seas.  The winds are blowing and the waves are high.  Yet, for as far as you can see, that's what you see.  That is your experience.  It doesn't feel like there are any calm waters anywhere close to you.  It doesn't feel like there is an end in sight.

Your entire world revolves around the storm on the high seas.  You're in the middle of it.  You're in the thick of it, but yet it feels normal.  It feels like what life is supposed to be.  It feels like there is nothing else.

You could also view the storm as the emotions and difficulties and trials and struggles.  They are in great supply as if they are never ending.  You may be struggling to see the sun rise and set because of the storm clouds gathered around you.

This can often feel like what life is all about in our day.  Our mind thinks one thing, but our body disconnects and numbs.  Our body thinks one thing but our mind stays a million miles away.  Nothing seems normal or connected.  Nothing seems like there is peace and calm deep within.  There is this never ending sense of this is life.

There might be something different...

As we heal, we begin to get a thought or a glimpse that there might be something different.  While that may be extremely difficult at first, it may be nothing more than a hope that we long for in our life.  It may be the peaceful calm waters after the storm.

At times, the storm clouds rage on and we beg for mercy.  We pray that we will be spared and the storms will end.  We hope to find something beyond where we are at - a moment of solace - a moment of peace or just a moment of rest.

A greater glimpse...

Continuing through our healing, we begin to get a greater glimpse that where our life is heading is possible.  It isn't just a hope but something of a reality.  It is little moments of seeing the sun break through the clouds.  It is an moments of easing from the rough waves.

As we continue in healing, more and more comes into view.  More calm waters show up in periods of rest and recharge and renewal.  We begin to see there's so much more.  We can almost touch it, feel it and sense it.  It may seem a little beyond our grasp, but we know it is there beckoning to have the courage to keep going.

It is in that moment that we understand where the potential lies.

As difficult as the emotional stuff may be, nothing is more difficult than being stuck

Yes, while we know that the storm clouds are not fun, we do know they lead to calmer waters.  We had to pass through the storm to find them.  We had to realize that the storms would lessen and even the horrifying trip through it, there was nothing more difficult than being stuck there and not sailing on.

So keep sailing.  Sail through the storm.  Know that the difficult emotional stuff is temporary and it too will pass if we don't stop sailing along in our life.  It is up to us to keep our sails pointed forward and then let the winds of life help us find our way.  

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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Struggled To Find My Footing

I've been struggling a lot lately.  For the past year, I've had people walk away from me, spit on me, treat me like dirt and just plain ignore me.  These were people that I had fond affections for and thought of highly.

So I've struggled to find my way.  I've struggled to find my footing.  I've fought against myself and everything that seemed to exist.  I didn't know any other way to do this because I was in a million different kinds of pain.  It hurt deeply.  The hurt was raw open wounds that had salt poured on them daily.

I had too many it seemed that held high expectations for where I was supposed to be in life or what I was supposed to be doing.  Maybe they didn't and it was my fictional imagination, but it felt that way.  I struggled to find my footing.

Then it seemed like others that came along were not good for me.  They flashed the pretty eyes and warmed me up like melted butter, only to dump ice on me and throw me to the floor.  I fell for it.  I'm disgusted that I didn't see it.  My heart always wants to help and when people take advantage, it seems like it chips a little piece of my heart off each time.

There is a zillion things...

There is a zillion things I could claim to know or claim that I'm doing and they might be accurate.  However, I'm left to find the pieces and pick them up, then put them together again.  It isn't easy.  I feel so alone some days.  I feel like I'm the only one in this ship on the ocean.

I've struggled to find my footing and some days it feels like slippery steps I'm trying to climb as if an ice storm has coated everything in my path.  Maybe some things and people are good, but at this moment, I feel like they have walked away.

I'm trying to accept where I am at and that is difficult.  Yes, I could apply one of the million memes passed along every day, but I know this is something I must figure out.  It is holding me back.  I just can't see the beginning or the end of it.  I'm stuck in the middle.

Stones of fear lie before me...

Maybe it isn't a bad thing to be stuck in the middle, because at least you aren't just starting out and it gives you the opportunity of discovering what lies ahead.  It isn't easy though to be struggling to find my footing.  It is quite frightening at times.  The path has too many stones of fear that lie before me.

There is a sense of loss as I continue to walk forward.  I'm not sure what the loss is as I struggle to find my footing, but maybe it is giving up the ways that got me this far.  They were special to me.  They helped guide me, give me energy and support.  Maybe now though, I am seeing they formed the path for me to walk ahead.

There are many things I don't know in this moment, but I'm walking forward. My pace may have slowed, but I'm hoping I begin to see the horizon of the land before me.  The ocean is great, but without finding the shore, it feels like I'm only adrift.

Struggling to find my footing is part of life.  It is where growth happens.  It is where discovery takes place.  While it may not always be a day at the beach, it is part of life.  I know that and realize it.  It just doesn't necessarily make it any easier.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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Finding That Sense Of Calmness

It isn't easy these days in a world full of turmoil and screaming.  Finding that sense of calmness and peace within us feels as difficult right now as hearing the winds of a category 3 hurricane slam the house walls.  You hope and you pray that your walls stand strong, but even doubts enter your mind.

I consider myself a person that can find that place of peace and calmness, but these days and in the past several months, my own life has been hit with so much.  It has become hard for me to find that place and know that I am all that I am.

It isn't easy to travel through the days and months, seeing what you once believe in or felt or who you once knew, ditch you and ignore you or run from you.  When you stand up at the moment of truth and you see everything disappear, it is difficult to find that sense of calmness.

Don't stop walking...

I'm not saying you can't find the sense of calmness.  I'm just saying, it is not always easy.  Should we give up trying - NO!  Should we hunker down - MAYBE!  Most of all, don't stop walking, even if you are only taking steps are almost too impossible to see.

Finding that sense of calmness is not about what others tell you it should be.  It is not what social media or the rest of the world says it should be.  That calmness is your inner sense of being and what you know to be true for yourself in that moment.  All else, does not matter.

I look forward to calmer days and I try to be an optimist thinking that they still exist.  Yet, there are moments when I cannot get myself to believe this is still true.  I must remind myself daily to keep looking forward so that I will be once again reunited with a sense of calmness.

These days and times are tough, but stay true to yourself.  Learn to really be true to yourself in all things, and not just those things you currently know.  Often times, what we think is true today, is not true tomorrow because we don't see today what we can see tomorrow.

#Calmness

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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What Gets You Through Difficult Moments

What do you use?  What gets you through your difficult moments?  Is it a higher power that you turn to or the support of your friends?  Maybe you stay focused during those moments and maybe you're like many who are anything but focused.

I know for me, I've learned different tools and tricks throughout the years.  I used to suffer from extreme anxiety that prevented me from being around people or going in stores.  I had to learn techniques that I could use to help myself so I could get past the extreme anxiety.  From time to time, I still struggle with anxiety but it isn't as bad.

I have had plenty of difficult moments in life and some have almost completely taken me under.  There are times when I've felt like I could barely crawl back up out of the whole I had dug for my life.  Yet, somehow I managed to keep going and get through difficult moments.

It will not last forever...

One of the things that I think is important is to realize that whatever you are going through, it will pass.  It will not last forever.  You will find a way through it.  Yes, I know it may not seem like that in the present moment, but it too shall pass.

Another thing is that sometimes you have to lean on those around you for support.  Sometimes they are the strength that you don't have in that moment.  There are just times when they help shine the flashlight on the difficult path you are walking down.

There are times in difficult moments when you have to be assertive and ask others for help.  Sometimes other people have no clue what you need and unless you ask for what you need, how will they know how to help you?  By you asking for what you need, you will be taking care of yourself and working to find a way through the difficult moment.

Regroup and Reassess...

Sometimes you have to regroup and reassess where you are, where you are going and what you need to do to get there.  This often involves a time of rest or slowed down activity.  Sometimes what once seemed vital and important to life is no longer at the level as your eyes get opened to new things during difficult moments.

Realizing that sometimes a difficult moment is one that you will look back on in future days and see just how it shifted you or how it brought you to some experience you needed to see.  Sometimes it is what propels us forward into what we need to do, rather than stay complacent in what we've done.  I know that isn't easy during difficult moments, but as I've looked back in my life, I continue to see just how true this is.

Allowing yourself to be in that difficult moment is something I've been learning how beneficial it is.  It helps me move through those moments easier and quicker, rather than getting stuck in them.  Yes, I know, if you would have told me years ago that this was true, I would have scoffed in your face.  I'm just learning more and more to surrender into the difficult moment and see what it is that I am to learn from it.  It truly does help, even if it is hard to do this.

Hope and Possibility Through Trauma...

I always try to keep in mind just how far I have come and what I have faced, endured, and triumphed over.  In 1991, I was paralyzed by a Conversion Disorder which I've written about in my book, Hope And Possibility Through Trauma. None of that was easy, but as I look back, I can see just how far I've come.  Each of us has those moments in life that we can look back towards and know that we too can make it through this.

Getting through difficult moments is unique to each person.  What works for one person, may not work for someone else.  So find out what gets you through difficult moments.  Make it a part of your life to see what is beyond where you're at while accepting that this difficult moment you are in is only temporary.  It too shall pass.

Sometimes a playlist of music can be of great help.  I've done that through many times where I can just hit play on the playlist.  It is one of the things I've used to help with anxiety, relaxation, and just taking me out of the moment I was in.  I've sang to some music when no one was home and cried to other songs.  We all have songs that move us in one way or another.

Whatever it is that you do to get yourself through difficult moments, tweak it and change it to meet the needs of that moment.  You may find that what you do to deal with difficult moments will change over time as you learn new things about yourself and become stronger through past moments.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Laughter In Healing

One of the things that we tend to do when we're going through difficult times is we get pretty serious.  After all, if you feel like warmed over cow pie, what would make anyone want to do anything but be serious.  Hey, it is just the way we feel in that moment and that's perfectly fine in my book.

The thing is, we don't have to stay serious.  In fact, if we bring a little laughter into the situation, sometimes it can help lift our mood, elevate our spirits, and give us some added energy for dealing with the situation.

I'm not talking about laughing where you disconnect and numb necessarily, although sometimes that is helpful for the moment.  I'm talking about laughter that gets you to the core and connects to the core of your being.  The laughter that comes from deep within your belly.

See how deep laughter feels....

Laughter can release all kinds of great feel good chemicals into your body.  All you have to do is have a night of deep laughter and see how that feels in you.  It will be like your floating on air and enjoying life.  Laughter can move a lot of tension and stress out of the mind and body.  Laughter can help us see those horrible moments in a new light.  Laughter is often better than any pill you can ever take. 

The one thing I don't do with laughter is use it to make fun of other people.  I respect people and I find the laughter in the small things of the day.  In my view, there is far too much that we claim is comedy and it is anything but that.  Have fun with laughter, but don't do it at the expense of someone else or some group. 

I know it may be tough to laugh if you're in the middle of the horrible stuff of healing.  There have been times, laughter was anything but what I wanted to do while healing.  However, the times that I could bring out the laughter, the easier it made my life.  After all, fun: it does a body good.  If you don't believe me, try it and see what it does for you.

Go ahead - laugh... 

Find a way to laugh today....

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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Keep Going!

No matter what you face in your day, remember that tomorrow will be another opportunity.  I know that sounds like a cliche' but it is true.  Sometimes when the storms of your day get far too intense, don't give up.  Keep going.

I've been through far too many things in my life and believe me, at times, I struggled to keep going.  It took all my strength to not give up.  I'm sure you've had those moments and I'm not alone in this.

Here is what I wrote in an attempt to help.  Keep in mind, that sometimes no matter what someone says or what you read, words are never always enough.  Sometimes, moments in life just suck.  Keep going - no matter what!

Keep going when all else seems like it is too hard to deal with in a day.  When your troubles before you feel like they are bigger than you can comprehend, don't give up.  Keep going!

Keep going when it feels like the earth is falling away from you and you're flying without a rope.  When moments come by as if there is nothing you can do, don't give up. Keeping going!

Keep going when the memories from your past haunt you and attempt to encompass your every move.  Don't give in.  Don't give up the fight.  Take them right back from whatever is trying to steal your life's essence.  Tell them to get lost.  Tell them you are taking back your life.

Keep going when it feels like there are no answers.  When you keep asking the question of "why" and you find no answers, don't give up.  Keep turning over the rocks until you find the one that fits in place.  It may be a long road, but the right answer will show up when you're least expecting it.

Keep going when the pains in life are too much to bear.  When the pain becomes so intense that you just want to scream and yet it feels like the screams do very little.  The pain may be strong, but it too will pass and you will find calmer waters ahead.

Keep going when you feel weary and bruised to the bone.  When it feels like you will not be able to rise to see another day, don't give up.  Don't give up!  Keep going because there is a good chance, that what you so badly need is right there ready to make its acquaintance.

Keep going because with all things in life, there is a season.   In all things, whatever we are facing will fade away.  This too shall pass.

Even though it feels like there is no end in sight, I will promise you that if you keep going, you will find your way through this in whatever form that you need to take.  If you give up, you will miss out on this most important morsel of life that is waiting to be discovered, created, and one with your life.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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I keep going

I don't know how I do it.  Some days it is tougher than others.  At some points in life, I've said - what the heck - why do this any longer?  Yet, I keep going.

Its probably a good thing that I keep going, but you know sometimes its so hard to keep going.  We all know that to some extent I think.  We all have had to deal with plenty in our life and maybe some of us had an extra helping of it.

Its when the physical pain and discomfort get so great that it is all I can do to hold on.  There are things that I won't share with others because they are far too personal, but when they cause physical issues, it gets much tougher in life.

I keep going somehow.  I don't know how.  It feels like it is often a lonely path and yet, somehow and in some small way, I manage to keep going.  I often wonder if I'm using up my free passes of to keep going, but so far, I still have some left.

Even when I feel ignored...

Even when people I know seem to shun me or avoid me or ignore me, I keep going.  Don't ask me how I do because I feel like an outcast when that happens.  I feel like it is more than I can bear.  I feel like in those moments, that I'm all alone.  Most likely I'm not alone, but it feels that way.

I keep going, even through the heartache and rejection and fear and triggers from the past.  No, none of them are easy.  Sometimes they lessen in intensity and at other times they come at me full force as if there is no tomorrow.

Even when everything sucks...

I keep going even when everything seems to crumble away.  I keep going even when everything seems to suck.  If I knew the magic formula, I'd share it and become a millionaire, but I have no idea what keeps me going.

If your life seems pointless and it feels like you're all alone, just keep going.  No, I'm not going to promise pretty rainbows tomorrow, but what's the alternative - to stop and miss out on something greater than we can see right now?

If your life feels like it is too much too bear, take a moment and just sit down on the rock.  Its okay.  You can get up when you feel like it regardless of what the world around you dictates that you should do.

All I know is, I don't have all the answers for my own life and most likely not for everyone else.  I just keep going and I do that by keeping going.  Yes, it wears me down at times, but I know no other thing than to keep going.  In some ways, its the only punishment that I have to give to those that made my life a living hell.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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Do you empower the possibility of hope in life?

Its easy for us to get taken under by events of our day.  Sometimes life can be challenging as we face the difficult moments in life.  The question should be, "do you empower the possibility of hope in life?"

Sometimes we say we do, but we really don't.  Sometimes we think we do, but we stay stuck in misery.  Sometimes we think we are reaching out, but far too many times, we are in search of misery.

I know, I've been there.  It isn't easy sometimes and other times it can be just about as difficult as one could ever imagine.  If you've walked through the fires of life or are currently walking through them, you know without a doubt, just how difficult life can be.

While I don't necessarily agree with just changing thoughts and ignoring what is before us, sometimes we have to step up another rung on our ladder to see something different.  I feel it is very important to embrace all that we are currently experiencing in the moment, but sometimes even that can be too overwhelming.

In the midst of those moments...

When you're in the midst of those moments, stop and allow yourself to catch up.  Realize that you're trudging through heavy stuff right now, but with all things, it will pass.  The days will get easier at some point.  You can't have a storm without seeing the sunshine and the rainbow appear after the storm is past.

Empower the possibility of hope in life but taking the moment you have and just being okay with it.  Embrace it.  Love it.  Nurture it.  These moments will get you through, but if you fight them with all your energy, you will just drain yourself of necessary resources to move forward.

Hope and Possibility...

There is possibility and hope.  There is the possibility of hope in life if we keep looking for it.  No matter how difficult things can get, there is always possibility.  It is what has kept me going through some of the most difficult times I've encountered.  It is what keeps me in this world at times when I can see no other way.

(click image to read) 

Empower the possibility of hope in your life and it will propel you to the next moment you so desperately long for and want.  It will give you the strength to make it through.  It will help you see much more than you can see in this one tiny moment of your life.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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Let Us Be More

Every day we wake up, there are possibilities before us and choices to make.  No matter what, it is up to each one of us what we do with the seconds, minutes, and hours we have in a day.  My hope is that we will be more than we were yesterday.

No matter what situation you may be facing or what your life has looked like up to this point, you still have the choice what you do with this day.  Sure, your choices may be influenced by events of yesterday, but you still have the option to be more and do more than you could yesterday.

Sometimes those small little choices we make get us from one moment to the next, no matter how small and insignificant they are.  Our thoughts and awareness and consciousness should be that we are more today than yesterday and not as much as we can be tomorrow.

Always possibilities in life...

There are always possibilities in life.  It is what we do with our current moment that either brings them into view, or takes us into hibernation.  I am not just writing pretty words here.  I've lived both sides of what I am saying.  Sometimes I wither down into my cave, but if I'm lucky I will choose something that lifts me higher.

Let our actions and words show that we are making the right choices.  Let our words to others be out of kindness and love.  Let our life show that we are conscious and aware, not that we need to prove to others that we are.  Through all of this, we will help elevate ourselves to be more and hopefully those around us.

Conscious of the choices we make...

There are far too many activities that we partake in each day where we don't make good choices for our lives, our body, and our minds.  In fact, we are generally not aware and conscious of what we do, but we continue to do it anyway.  It is up to us to make the choice to see our life in a way that we have not seen it up until this point.

We need to challenge ourselves to be more and by doing so, we automatically challenge other people to be more.  We need to not accept where we are, but not stop searching for what we need until we find it.  We need to embrace more in our life and raise our own standards of what we expect from the possibilities around us.

(click image to read)

Grab all of life with gusto.  Go for every moment where you can rise above and find all that you need for your day.  Become something more than you are at this very moment.  It is a process, not an endpoint.  It is a journey, not just one moment of consciousness and awareness.  Find it and embrace it so you can become more today than what you were yesterday.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Helpless and Weary From Despair - Part 4

This is part 4 of a four part series.  Please read Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3 before this one.

I started to try and get myself out of the house, even if it was for a little bit.  I was so afraid of monsters hiding everywhere that my anxiety would be at an all time high trying to do this.  I trusted my partner enough to feel safe to take these steps.  Sometimes my anxiety would get so high that my anger would spill over onto everything around me as a way to protect myself.

I started to ask the angels for help.  Think whatever you want to of angels, but I know they are there.  I have felt them and seen them and I know they are with me.  Some people see them as religious figures, but that's not how I see them at all.  I know that sometimes I stop believing in them and that's when I truly feel all alone.  I started to tell them more and more that I had no idea what I needed, but I needed help.  I could not articulate it.

Difficult to know what I needed...

I could not articulate what I needed.  I didn't know.  I didn't have the slightest clue.  That was my starting point.  I was at rock bottom.  I had no way to go but forward.  The only way I could have went further down would have been if I would have been successful in ending my life.

I began to pose the question to myself, what do I need?  How do I get out of this?  What do I need to do?  It was the only thing I knew.  It was the only way out I could see.  Yet, I didn't believe it.  I didn't think there was hope.  The only thing I had was questions.

As I began to ask the questions repeatedly and hoping that an answer would show up, I soon started to find there were things I was attracted to in my day.  There were things that interested me.  They were not the things that I thought my life was about.  They were not in the form that I had been trying to push my life into.  They were different.

I would be letting myself down...

It scared me to think of this.  I kept wanting to prove to myself that I had to be in the role I was in.  I had a healing office and how could I think anything different.  I would be letting others down.  I would be letting myself down.  I despised every part of this life I had built, but it was what I knew.  It was what I thought I had to be in that moment.

So to keep the fears at bay, I hunkered down into the things that I enjoyed doing and that were bringing me some peace, joy, and contentment in my day.  It seemed strange and odd.  These were not normal things for me, but even being mundane, they kept me focused.  They helped energize me and propel me.

As I continued on, I knew that I had to make some tough decisions.  I knew I had to stop disconnecting from life and begin feeling my body and all the sensations in life that were there, even if they were horrible.  I had to allow myself the possibility of connecting with others, but also the possibility that I could get hurt again.  The pain was still very raw and is at the time of writing this, but I'm consciously making a choice to do more and go further than where I am currently.

I cannot see far ahead...

There are times that I sit here and struggle with how all of this is coming together.  I cannot see that far ahead.  I get glimpses of fragmented thoughts and feelings, but to say I can see the road ahead would be inaccurate.  I am just going where my heart feels joy and I enjoy doing the things in a day that I am.  If it doesn't feel good, I am learning to turn and see the thing that does.

The decisions kept showing up that I needed to make.  I struggled and fought with them.  I avoided them.  I knew they were there, but I didn't want anything to do with them.  It has been agony thinking about it and every time I thought I would get closer to a decision, doubts flooded my existence and my thoughts.

Finally I made the decision to close down the healing office.  I was not bringing in revenue and my savings was quickly disappearing.  At this point, I'm not sure what fully lies ahead.  It has been a tough week of saying goodbye to the office that I had hoped would be the next wave of life for me.

I'm saddened by all of this.  It is a deep sadness. I struggle with feeling like a failure, but am trying to see that it is not a failure.  Yet, it is hard to convince my mind of that.  I'm not sure where all of this is leading.  I still feel a strong connection to it, but right now I feel like I was trying to push myself into a role that I just did not see for myself at this moment.

I had to get my life back...

I had to get my life back.  I had to find myself.  I have to let myself go into these moments of uncertainty.  Creating in the unknown is where I find myself at this point.  In many ways, it is out with the old and in with the new.  The only thing is I don't know what the new is.  It is a mystery in some ways.  In other ways, I think I have a part of it figured out.

I'm scared of running out of money which is not far away.  I'm scared of how I will monetize the things that I love to do because I've struggled with this.  I try to have hope, but the doubts flood my mind like a tropical storm downpour.

For now, I keep my focus on what makes my heart happy and what I love to do.  I'm trying to stay focused on only that for the moment in hopes the rest will unfold in my mind.

I'm not sure how to reach out to those that have probably been hurt by my withdraw in life, but that's for another day and moment.  I can only bring my life back online so quickly.  I know I went to a very horrible place in life these past few months, but in many ways, I think I had to.  I think I had to travel here to find my way back.

Maybe instead of torment, maybe it is just out with the old as the new waits to arrive.

This story will most likely continue.  This is just the point where I've gotten to and why it ends at this point.  I had to write and get this out.  I'm writing it more for myself than I am for anyone reading it.  

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Helpless and Weary From Despair - Part 3

This is part 3 of a four part series.  Please read part 1 and part 2 before this one.

I've made great strides in life, but when you're ambushed with one tsunami trigger after another, its hard to keep your head above water, let alone care if you do.

Time and time again, I tried to make sense of my day, my life and the moment I was living in.  It felt like a cruel hell had been shoved at me with no way to escape.  It was like a moment of all moments for a lifetime of hell and torment.  Church people say that when we die, we either go to heaven or hell.  For me, I've already lived through hell in my life.  I've lived through hell many times over.

Memories still locked in my cells...

I can't imagine things much worse than  being hit, beat, emotionally abused, physically abused, sexually raped and molested almost every day of my life.  I've been through more than I can consciously recall, but the remnants of those memories never fully leave.  They are still locked in parts of my many trillion cells.  I'm still working to rid them all.

As the days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months, I had to find a way out.  I was locked in this prison I had built around myself and somehow I had to find a way through it.  I had to find a way beyond it.  It was overwhelming to know where to start.  It seemed like I would never have the courage to get past it.  It felt like there was no way out.  It felt to me like there was no hope.

I wasn't about to go on medication because I hate medication and I personally don't think it would have helped me.  I didn't tell anyone that I wanted to kill myself almost every day as I knew that would scare people and frighten them.  I just held it all inside.  It was safer that way.

I knew I had to find a way forward...

I knew that I had to start finding a way forward.  I could not continue to stay in the place I was in.  I knew I had to find this on my own.  It was not something I could expect others to do or rely on them to do for me.  For when I reached out, there seemed to be no one reaching back to me.  I had to do it, as hard as it was and as much as I didn't believe was possible.

Each day, I started to try and focus on one small little thing I could do.  It didn't matter how small or insignificant it was, I knew I had to start focusing on something.  Even if it was mundane, I didn't care.  Sometimes I knew from the past that the mundane tasks were a way to grab on to the rails in life so I could focus on going forward.  I remember doing that after the paralysis.  It wasn't about the big steps.  It was about the small little tidbits of the big steps that got me healing.

I tried to focus on the little things and if it was only one small thing for the day, I considered that to be a good day.  I wasn't interested in how much I could do, but that I could just do something.  With any doubts and fears that tried to stop me, I just tried to navigate past them without them noticing.  I had no strength to overcome them.  It was almost too much to navigate around them.

I kept trying to build upon the previous day if I could and if I could not, then attempting to do one small thing was the accomplishment for the day.  Doing something was far more empowering to me, then the quantity or quality or relevance of what it was.

I allowed myself time to rest...

I started to take time to just allow myself to rest and not push myself to do anything I didn't want to do.  I stopped going to online places where I felt ignored and unwanted.  I stopped worrying as much as I could that if no one called me back, it just didn't matter.  It was too much for me to think anyone wanted me at that point.  It was more than I could take.

I spent time with my cats, playing and holding them.  I spent time just absorbing their love that they had for me.  I welcomed their touch and how they licked my hair.  I welcomed their meows and other conversations they would have with me.  I welcomed their unconditional love.  Animals are my connection to life, a life that is not one of use and abuse.  Animals are a higher life form in my view.

I began having some email conversations with a couple of people who encouraged me to keep going.  One individual that didn't care if we talked about the torment of the day, but just talked about things that were anything but this.  It helped to just have a little connection that I could control and regulate and hold back from if I needed to in my day.

A little more each day...

I began to do a little more each day and week that went by.  I spent time in my hammock listening to the birds sing in the trees during the early morning hours.  I watched the squirrels run and play and scamper back and forth on the fence.  I watched the butterflies flutter around from one place to another.

I watched the trees sway from one position to the next as if they were basking in the new sunlight of the morning.  They seemed to just take in everything from the light to the wind and breeze.  Their leaves began turning from a deadened grey and brown tree to a vibrant green veil of color and beauty.

I began to use the resperate breathing machine not for lowering blood pressure, but helping to get me to breathe.  The more I used it, the more I realized just how much it was taking tension from my body.  I realized that as I used it, my body was relaxing more and more.  Some of the fear and anger were being replaced by a peacefulness.  It might have not always lasted long in the day, but just to feel that was empowering and helped me get from one moment to the next.

This continues to Part 4 - posted on 6/26/16 of a four part series.

(click here for Part 4)

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Helpless and Weary From Despair - Part 2

This is part 2 of a four part series.  Please read part 1 first.

I contacted a lady who I had been to for healing sessions in the past and obviously the years had started to get to her.  She barely remembered me and her coherence came and went.  It was sad because she was someone I considered to be a friend and important part of my life.

I tried to contact someone else that I knew, hoping that they would help me find my footing.  The call went unanswered.  The voice mail messages went into oblivion.

I felt lost and alone...

At this point, I felt lost and alone.  I had my partner and two cats, but for the most part, I felt like no one else gave a shit in the world about me.  It isn't uncommon for me to experience this because that's the experiences I endured one too many times throughout my life.

Sleep became difficult.  Body pain in my shoulders and arms grew with intensity.  It was difficult functioning and doing most anything, but I trudged on.  I was tired and worn out.  I barely had enough energy to get up each day and wait for the hours to pass before I went to bed at night again.

I really didn't care if I went on.  I knew that ending my life would hurt at least one person I knew far too much and so I just kept trying to hang on from second to second.  The depression came in full force.  Anxiety was quickly becoming my go-to-device.  Depression and anxiety became me and I became them.

I felt nothing but sadness...

I felt almost nothing but sadness.  I just wanted to hide.  I wanted no one to be close to me.  I shut off everyone that I could.  It was safer and much easier for me to deal with than allowing anyone else to hurt me further.

My business stopped.  There were no clients except the ones that wanted to use me and I just ignored their calls.  Why go back to them I questioned?  I felt like a failure.  I felt hopeless.

I waited to see if anyone would contact me, email me, text me or call me.  There was silence.  I waited and hoped, but once again, there was nothing but silence.  I sunk deeper into depression and despair.

Then the snakes showed up...

Then the snakes started showing up in the yard.  I remember the day when I almost stepped on one as I walked out the door.  I could barely catch my breath.  I could barely speak.  I froze in fear.  Then, one after another, I kept seeing snakes almost every day.

The nights turned into one horrible nightmare of seeing snakes the minute I tried to shut my eyes.  My anxiety was so high that I could barely go anywhere without feeling a full rush of fear come over me.  I was scared of every noise.  I was scared of the thought of a snake getting into the house.  I was scared of the word snake.  I was scared of walking out the door.

I was scared of going to the store or letting anyone see me.  I was scared of going to the office because what if one of those people were waiting to just hurt me and abuse me and use me some more.  I was scared of being scared.

My pulse rate soared...

My pulse rate soared to a constant 99 and my body felt like I was sitting in a furnace all day long.  All my energy was wiped out from me.  It was as if I no longer had control of who I was or what I was or what I even cared to be.

I wanted to reach out, but to who?  I wanted to reach out, but I was afraid that I would get silence in return.  I wanted to reach out, but I could not deal with any rejection, not even one tenth of an ounce.

The house was cold and so every day, I was triggered back to the days of my past when I was beaten and spanked and whipped for having cold hands in the cold Iowa winters.  Yes, my father was an evil man.  Yes, the body of this little boy has a hard time forgetting what he did.

I didn't care if I ate...

I didn't care if I ate.  Food was not appealing.  Sugar and chocolate were the only nutrients that seemed friendly too me.  I struggled to force myself to eat.  I struggled to make sure that I remembered to eat.  If it wasn't for the daily routine of our whole food smoothies, I would probably have been very sick.

Then I saw how sick my father had become from what my brother posted online.  He's banned me but I still have ways of seeing it.  I could really care less if my father leaves this world for all that he did to me growing up.  Yes, I'm a survivor of child sexual abuse.  I really don't care if my older brother would leave the world at the same time, for he picked up where my dad left off.  Those two are the most evil people I know and my anger grows at them when I think of them.

Yes, I know forgiveness is crucial, but my memories continue to haunt me.  My memories continue to keep me from completely letting go and I despise how the memories get triggered and show up at times when I can barely keep going.

I'm angry at what I've been through.  There is never a day that my body doesn't remind me.  I long to forget, but I can't fully remember what it is that I need to forget.  I long to distance myself from them, but somehow in this day and age, we're still connected.  I have tried to create my own family, but you can never let go of the biological connection.  It is there whether you think about it or not.

This continues to Part 3 - posted on 6/25/16 of a four part series.

(click here for Part 3)

 

 

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Helpless and Weary From Despair - Part 1

This is my first attempt to write this since it happened.  It all started around Thanksgiving and went downhill from there.  A family member was supposed to be in the area and relatives asked me if I wanted to come over for dinner.

Please note that this blog post is part 1 in a 4 part series. Please check back tomorrow for the next post.

If you know anything about my story, you will know the above scenario isn't a good thing.  Its a big trigger.  It makes me want to run, hide, flee, or grab something to defend myself.  There is nothing good about it.  It isn't something I can just look past.

So, of course when Thanksgiving was past, we were heading into Christmas.  Again, if you've read any of my story, you will know how difficult of a time this can be for me.  Sometimes, it is easier than others, but generally speaking, its one stressful and exhausting season.  I think it helps if I find little ways to celebrate and plan things, but this year I did not do that.

Keep in mind, I had just quit a very stressful and exhaustive job a few months earlier.  In addition to dealing with a bully, I had far too many people that used and abused me.  They thought that nonstop travel was a good thing and my coworkers were treating me as if they were jealous two year olds.

From painful memories to more stress...

As we moved through Christmas, I came upon an anniversary of losing my mom which is not an easy thing.  Sometimes it doesn't impact me as hard and other times it does.  It is never easy to tell which way the wind will blow on this.  This year though, I had lost a very close and dear friend the previous year.  I still struggle with losing him and it was not easy and still is not easy.

Adding insult to injury, I was exhausted.  In fact, when I tried to start up my healing services business and seminars, I did not realize to the extent just how exhausted I was.  The night before the first seminar, my legs were barley moving.  I was so tired, I could hardly stand up.  However, I figured that the show must go on and so I pushed on like the good little boy is supposed to do.

After several attempts at seminars and getting almost no response or people attending, I ended up with a "freebie" client.  At first, I thought that this would be nice because I could grow from this point.  However, I soon found out that the freebie client was taking advantage of me and using me.  Even though they claimed poverty, the client and her family let it slip that there was money they could have been paying me.  I felt used and abused like a cheap old wash cloth thrown away in the trash.  There's more I could say here, but I think you get the idea.

In this same time period, I contacted a local organization that I believed in and offered to do a seminar for them.  While I knew it would be free, I thought it would lead to future contacts.  However, they withheld a lot of information from me and hoodwinked me.  Come to find out, I was just a free way for them to do some required monthly training.  They had no intentions of working with me or scratching my back in any way.  Again, I felt used and abused.

Everything seemed to just fail...

Every thing I tried to do seemed to just fail.  Doors not only closed, but they slammed shut!  The person I was working with on advertisement stopped taking my calls and emails.  The client kept trying to get me to promote their "products" and push their stuff on others.

Last but not least, I had a good friend that decided they didn't like the way I was doing things and boy, that went downhill fast.  I still don't understand exactly what happened, but I found myself on the bad end of a nightmare.  A good friend that I trusted was trying to steal people away from me as I was trying to build up my business.  I thought the friend was there for me to help, but I learned that this was anything but the case.  I still remember that final text I read from this friend and how it nearly broke my heart in two.  I remember handing the phone over to my partner and walking out the door crying as hard as I could cry.  The pain hurt so badly from that.

Bewildered, lost and confused...

I was bewildered, lost, confused.  I felt tormented, tried and barely alive.  It was all I could do to hold on for one second, not even imagining I could hold on for a minute or a day.  My life was in turmoil and spiraling downward as fast as it could go.

I took off for the mountains because at that moment, I wanted to get away from anything and everything and anyone.  I could not take one more minute being hurt or questioning anything at that point.  I could not take being close to any other human.  I took off for the mountains and while it was only a few days, it did help.  I just wished it could have been much longer.  Being around the trees, mountains, and a frozen lake is like being in a safe place for me.

Coming back home, I went through more turmoil.  I sat in a fog for days sometimes not even remembering where I was or what was going on.  I was completely disconnected and not sure of where to turn or what to do next.

This continues to Part 2 - posted on 6/24/16 of a four part series.

 (click here for Part 2)

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Uncomfortable Places

They are numerous in life.  I've gone through many in my own life.  Uncomfortable places can be challenging, frightening, scary, disaster zones, horror, and nightmares.  At the same time, they can be life changing events.

All too often and especially when we are going through moments that seem beyond our capability to endure, we look for things we recognize.  We look for the familiar.  We want things that help us feel like we have stability and life isn't going to evaporate before our eyes.  It is human to be this way and normal, in my view.

When I was paralyzed and was watching my body slowly slip away from me, there was nothing I could count on.  When you lose complete control of your body and any connection to it, you've lost one of the most important parts of feeling connected and in control.  It is a frightening feeling.

Sometimes it was too overwhelming...

Through that experience and many others, I have learned that I had to walk into those uncomfortable places of life.  Now, it didn't mean I did it all at once.  Sometimes I took baby steps and I inched into it.  Sometimes it meant dipping my toe in the water and pulling back out of it.  Sometimes it meant it was just too overwhelming at that moment.

However, in order to heal and become more than we are in this current moment, at some point you have to face those uncomfortable places.  Some people will push through.  Some will retreat.  Some will say, never again while others don't stop until they've found the other side.

The more power I reclaim...

I've learned through some healing work I have been through that the more I go in and learn how to deal with the uncomfortable places, the more power I reclaim for my life.  The more I feel like I have discovered who I am to a greater degree.  The more I feel like I have risen to a different view point of what I can now see, rather than what I thought I could see.

Yes, there were fears.  Yes, it was difficult.  Just for me learning how to sit up in bed and walk again, imagine if I would have said, "I'm not going into that uncomfortable place."  It was through the struggle that I learned how to reclaim my body and walk again.  It was through the struggle that I learned I was strong enough to face the things that later would show up on my path.

A never-ending path of learning...

Life is a never-ending path of learning.  Life presents us with choices and possibilities and moments where we become more than we are.  Life is about walking through those uncomfortable places to find so much more than we know exists in this moment.  I know it isn't easy, but neither is stopping at the water's edge of uncomfortable places.

I am including a blog post from 2012 for further reading, Allow The Process To Unfold.

Question Of The Day

What are some of your uncomfortable places that you've been in and how did you find your way out or are you still looking for the way out?

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Living In A Human Body

I remember an instructor talking about this when I was going through massage school and I think it is still relevant today.  We are humans living in a human body.  While this may sound like a simple thought, it is how we apply it to our daily life that makes it anything but simple.

Living in a human body can be difficult in the best of times and challenging in the worst of the times.  We didn't come with an owners manual telling us how to operate in every situation that we face throughout our lifetimes.  I'm not talking in a religious sense either as some might immediately generalize.

In many ways, it is a good thing that one size doesn't fit all and being human is something we hopefully search for and grow in each day of our life.  Imagine if each of us all had to be alike and for every situation that came up, we were already preprogrammed to respond in the same way.  It would make for a very boring experience in day to day life. 

Living in a human body means...

Living in a human body means that we all have challenges and pains.  We all have physical and mental difficulties that we face.  We all have situations that baffle us and empower us, enlighten us or connect us with ignorance.  Our life and what we experience varies so much from person to person and even though we are the same species, we definitely are not like anyone else.

Being human is a growth response I think to the challenges we face.  It is about learning and discovering and becoming more aware and conscious.  It is about learning how to interact with one another to survive in a brutal and harsh world, rather than limiting ourselves to our own inner circle.  The inner circle of thought and action that aligns with our views and opinions and beliefs.

It is about challenging ourselves...

Living in a human body is about dealing with the nightmares we face or the situations that feel so overwhelming.  It is also about growing and challenging ourselves to not stay in the situation we are in, but overcome it.  It is about challenging ourselves to become more, not succumb to the agony and despair we have endured.

Is it easy to live in a human body?  No, it is not always easy to do this.  Ask anyone and they will tell you what their life experiences have been.  In fact, you might even have your own story to share.  I know I do.

Living in a human body is not about a road map that others have followed, but discovery of everything that makes us who we are and leads us to all we can be.  It is about defying the odds of what everyone thinks should happen so that you can truly find what is possible.  It is about learning to deal with life in this moment as you find your own steps forward into a realm you most likely cannot see in this moment.

One of our greatest experiences...

While living in a human body can be challenging, it can be one of the greatest things we ever experience.  The true choice of that is how we respond and what we allow to happen in our life, even if it feels like we have no say in the choice.  May we all rise to discover and understand more each day what it means to live in a human body.

Here is a blog post from 2015 where I struggled to be living in my own human body called "Can You Mask Exhaustion And Stress".

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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