Turning Over Stones In Life

Written By Don Shetterly

Back in the early days when I found out I had Conversion Disorder, I was struggling and fighting for my life.  I was struggling not only to survive but to figure out how to function.

The paralysis started to get better, but my legs and body were weak.  My memory had gone, so remembering anything required me to write it down on a piece of paper, or it was like I was not even aware of it.  Anxiety attacks had become my best friend.  Depression and suicide were my goals.

I had no hope that anything would get better.  I wasn't sure how it would.  I was stuck in the pain and fear of a cycle that had been playing out for many years.  The only thing is I was a participant in all that was going on in my life.

When I read the limited stuff I could find about Conversion Disorder, I saw that it will probably ease and subside.  However, the chances of it showing up again were pretty high, and subsequent attacks were more the norm.  That was what the literature showed in some study that I have misplaced now.

It was pure torture every day...

In my mind, I wanted to give up and die.  The daily struggle was difficult.  I had a family turn against me.  I was fighting to re-enter life again and function in a job so I could exist.  There was nothing fun about my life at that moment.  It was pure torture every day.

I was not prepared to accept what the medical establishment would say was the outcome and prognosis of my future days.  I was not prepared to accept that I would struggle daily with anxiety attacks, depression, and suicide attempts.  I was not prepared to stay on medication forever and ever.

Yet, I had no idea how to get out of this.  I knew of no way to go from where I was at that moment to where my mind thought was possible.  I felt like giving up.  I felt like the struggle was just too much.

Something kept me going...

Something inside kept me from giving up.  Something kept me going.  Something deep inside of me kept telling me it was possible to heal and make it.

I started to look at what others were doing and looked for the moments within them that helped them.  Yes, there is plenty that people do which is not helpful, but I tried to see beyond that moment.  I tried to find the reality and authenticity of what was helping to make them better.

I started to turn over every stone in my path and find anything that helped.  I turned over many stones.  Not all of the stones were helpful to me, and sometimes it exhausted me.  Every now and then I would come across one stone that really helped me, and I would study it, learn from it and embrace it.  The stones that didn't help, I would try to push to the side of the path where others had placed similar stones.

Sometimes I needed a rest...

Sometimes I would find a resting place along my path and sit down for awhile, since I had no more energy to go on and I had no more will to fight.  It was those moments, I learned, that were necessary for me to continue.

Even through the most difficult and darkest of moments, something deep inside kept me going.  Often it was a small little pilot light that burned, but somehow I knew it was there.  I knew there was a spark within me waiting to ignite and propel me forward.

I never accepted any condition by any doctor as being the sole source of my health and well-being.  I knew there was more and I was not about to let anyone tell me that the condition I was in was the way things would be.  I fought tooth and nail most days, but I knew that I had to keep going.

I had to keep searching, for the alternative to continuing my journey was a life that was more frightening than I realized.  My evidence was Conversion Disorder, and I was not about to go back to those moments where my life almost ended.

I pass on to those who struggle to not give up where you are in the journey.  I realize the fight is hard.  I realize it is exhausting.  I realize it is easy to give up.

Don't give up!

Don't stop!

Turn over every stone you find in your path until you find one that propels you forward and then ride it for as long as you can.  Let it help you find the next stone to turn over and take you forward in your life.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Asleep With Pain And Difficulty

While this one may sound strange, Mortimer's issues in life are more than what meets the eye.  If you read the blog post with Mortimer's example, you will see just how asleep he is.

Here is a snippet of how Mortimer isn't present, even though he thinks he is.  It is an insidious struggle that works from the inside out in our mind and body.  It is the ego in control, not consciousness.

Mortimer thinks that life is just about pain and difficulty.  He knows that the doctor knows best and so he doesn't question if there is anything different he needs to do in his life. (see the full example of Mortimer)

For some reason when it comes to our health, we tend to disengage the brain that is inside our head.  I don't know how else to say that, but we all do it.  I've done it.  I've seen many do it.  I see many do it every day.  It is human behavior.

Like Mortimer, it is where we stop.  We don't go beyond it.  We don't go into it.  We often think that this is how things work and so we just accept that as fact.  Many times we are not taught anything different than what everyone practices.

Yes, our society and family units have taught us that anything that hurts or doesn't feel good is something that has to be fixed by someone else.  We're taught that in many ways.  We are often taught it at an early age when Mommy kisses our boo boo to make it better.

There's nothing wrong with going to get help.  In fact, we often need to do that whether it is medical attention or counseling services.  Too many times, we wait until things get really bad before we seek help.

The thing is, we just stop at that step.  We fail to go in and see what is causing our issues and find a way through them.  We fail to see how we need to change things in life.  We often fail to realize the role we play in making ourselves sick.

Yes, I know that not everything is something we did it to ourselves, but there is a vast majority of issues that could be greatly enhanced if we took our own blinders off.   We often put ourselves in moments of illness and distress that we don't need to, while we stay asleep in the process.

Some of us have endured many difficult moments in our past and as a result, we're forced to deal with issues that are so overwhelming.  I get that.  I've been there.  Some days I am still there.  However, there is so much we can do to impact our health and well being that many times we just don't do.

We can choose to stay asleep or we can destroy every paradigm we have about health and healing, to find something that works better for us.  We don't have to wait for a doctor or other health person to tell us to take something to numb us.  We can engage directly and learn more about our own mind and body.

The more you learn and the more you know, the more you can interact with your own health and healing.  Things that I would have claimed were impossible a few years ago are now things that I have seen change, and have healed in my own life and that of others.  I would not have guessed it then.  I would not have believed it then.

I try to keep an open mind to ways I can interact with my own awareness and consciousness.  Learning to recognize that there are other ways to improve my health and make life more than pain and difficulty has been eye opening to me.  It has awakened me from my sleep in life.

Is it easy to do this?  Not really!  Not in my view.  Yes, I can give lip service to it.  Yes, I can talk the talk of healing, but going in and doing it requires much more connection not only to my mind, but to my body.

After the Conversion Disorder paralysis I went through, I was bound and determined to find my way through it.  I didn't accept that this was the way things were or that this is the way they would be.  I pushed aside everything I thought I knew and began to open up to what I did not know.  In the end, it saved me.  In the beginning it was a life full of difficulty and pain.

Make sure you check out the next part in this 11 part series

 Part 7 is "What We Put In Our Body"

 

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

The Choice Is Up To You

One of the things that I learned a long time ago was just how much I could either impact my life in a good way or continue to go down the path that basically got me nowhere!  The choice was up to me in how I lived my life, how I let go of things in my life, and what I allowed myself to see.

There are far too many operating on autopilot following the crowd of beliefs, opinion and ways of looking at their own health.  Original thought and discovery has for the most part exited the building.  Understanding that we make choices is like a foreign concept.

Yes, people give lip service to these things and then they follow it with a "but" this won't work for me.  Many want to claim they are all knowing and are doing the most they can do, BUT they include the reasons and excuses that it won't work for them.

We are all entitled to our reasons and/or excuses of what works in our life and what doesn't.  I'm not suggesting that whatever reasons we have are invalid or inappropriate.  They may actually have a good basis for existence.  Unfortunately, the reasons become more who we are, rather than who we truly are.

I proved them wrong...

If I would have listened to the doctors years ago, I would have never recovered from Conversion Disorder, walked again and held a job again.  The doctors were reacting from my situation at that point and drawing upon their medical knowledge in the moment, but I proved them wrong.  I was not about to stay down in life.

There have been many times throughout my healing that I felt like I would never make it.  The odds were too great and the struggles were too difficult.  If I would have made the choice to just feel like I couldn't go on or find another way, I would not have made it this far.  I could have done that, but it was a choice that I had to make.

Some might tell me, "you don't understand" or "you're special" or you are different than everyone else.  I've heard many of those reasons of why I made it and others could not.  Yet, I was in those same shoes, doubting and wondering if I could make it.

Believe beyond myself...

It required me to believe beyond myself and keep moving forward even when I could not see what was lying ahead.  It required me to let go of all that I thought I knew and believed and felt was fact in my life, to see what else I was missing.  It required me to go in and not accept the condition I was in, so that I could find the way forward.

Is this easy to do?  No, it is not!  It takes a lot of determination and courage and strength.  It takes someone never giving up even when the odds are stacked against them.  It takes seeing outside of what you think you know to be true that is beyond the blinders we all wear.

The choice is up to you in what you do with life.  Sure, some of us are going to stay where we are no matter what.  That is our choice.  Some of us will try to go into healing and find how difficult it is and stop for an extended rest.  Some of us will shed the shackles were bound with and through determination not stop until we find greater peace in our life.

In my view, healing from atrocities sucks!  I wish no one had to go through anything, but to this day, the only way I've found to conquer it is by healing through it.  I've learned that I have to muster up all the strength I can and fight through it as I discover things I never knew existed.

What we do with our mind and body is our choice.  Just don't let that choice define your entire existence.  Go beyond it and see what is possible - what is healthy - what is freedom and peace.  Go into the darkness of the unknown so you can find the light of all that there is.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Struggled To Find My Footing

I've been struggling a lot lately.  For the past year, I've had people walk away from me, spit on me, treat me like dirt and just plain ignore me.  These were people that I had fond affections for and thought of highly.

So I've struggled to find my way.  I've struggled to find my footing.  I've fought against myself and everything that seemed to exist.  I didn't know any other way to do this because I was in a million different kinds of pain.  It hurt deeply.  The hurt was raw open wounds that had salt poured on them daily.

I had too many it seemed that held high expectations for where I was supposed to be in life or what I was supposed to be doing.  Maybe they didn't and it was my fictional imagination, but it felt that way.  I struggled to find my footing.

Then it seemed like others that came along were not good for me.  They flashed the pretty eyes and warmed me up like melted butter, only to dump ice on me and throw me to the floor.  I fell for it.  I'm disgusted that I didn't see it.  My heart always wants to help and when people take advantage, it seems like it chips a little piece of my heart off each time.

There is a zillion things...

There is a zillion things I could claim to know or claim that I'm doing and they might be accurate.  However, I'm left to find the pieces and pick them up, then put them together again.  It isn't easy.  I feel so alone some days.  I feel like I'm the only one in this ship on the ocean.

I've struggled to find my footing and some days it feels like slippery steps I'm trying to climb as if an ice storm has coated everything in my path.  Maybe some things and people are good, but at this moment, I feel like they have walked away.

I'm trying to accept where I am at and that is difficult.  Yes, I could apply one of the million memes passed along every day, but I know this is something I must figure out.  It is holding me back.  I just can't see the beginning or the end of it.  I'm stuck in the middle.

Stones of fear lie before me...

Maybe it isn't a bad thing to be stuck in the middle, because at least you aren't just starting out and it gives you the opportunity of discovering what lies ahead.  It isn't easy though to be struggling to find my footing.  It is quite frightening at times.  The path has too many stones of fear that lie before me.

There is a sense of loss as I continue to walk forward.  I'm not sure what the loss is as I struggle to find my footing, but maybe it is giving up the ways that got me this far.  They were special to me.  They helped guide me, give me energy and support.  Maybe now though, I am seeing they formed the path for me to walk ahead.

There are many things I don't know in this moment, but I'm walking forward. My pace may have slowed, but I'm hoping I begin to see the horizon of the land before me.  The ocean is great, but without finding the shore, it feels like I'm only adrift.

Struggling to find my footing is part of life.  It is where growth happens.  It is where discovery takes place.  While it may not always be a day at the beach, it is part of life.  I know that and realize it.  It just doesn't necessarily make it any easier.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Some Days I Struggle

I know with all that I've been through in the past that life is not necessarily easy.  I have my good days and bad days.  Sometimes the struggles of the past come up to haunt me and work hard at pulling me under.

Sometimes people try to make it look like all they have are great days, but I know that this is anything but the truth.  I get irked when people try to paint happy thoughts while you're in the midst of the mud and muck making your way to dry ground.

We need more people who are honest and real, instead of those that try to gloss over the moments of difficulty and pain.  The pain has to come out and the more we hold it in, the more we harm our mind, body, emotions, and spirit.  

Below is a list of things I struggle with in no particular order.  I know, we all have our list of things.  I'm just verbalizing mine.  They appear in no special order.

My hope is that by verbalizing mine, it will start a conversation to help others share their lists and give them some measure of healing.  We need one another to lean on, not to chastise and brush off.

I struggle to:

• Accept the quietness of friends who barely speak to me at times wondering if I've done something wrong or they are just lost in their own moments of life.
• Find a way to make it in this world on a consistent basis even though I know I have many talents and skills.
• Do the things I want, not necessarily the things that I have to do.
• Feel the disappointment of those I look up to who don't feel I measure up.
• Accept the pain of a past that is so horrifying that it is difficult to even think about or view some days.
• Deal with those that desire to take advantage of my niceness because they can't balance their needs and desires and honesty in being human.
• Know that my biological family thinks I'm the worst person around because I dared to spill their secrets by trying to heal my own life.
• Grasp everything that I've experienced in life because often it is so overwhelming and too difficult to understand or comprehend.
• Try and hide all the triggers that possess me while trying to heal and remove the power they hold over me.
• Understand why people who claim to have been my friend in the past desire to walk all over me as if I'm nothing more than a doormat for their life.
   
• Realize that anyone loves me and that I truly matter even if I know I they do and even if there are some that show they love and care about me.
• Find answers in the many questions that my mind does not seem to solve or my life seems to demand to know.
• Understand why I hear, sense, feel and see so much but yet it all seems all like a confusing mass of information that I can barely process.
• Comprehend how people can be so mean to one another and not even realize it while they shout insults with such force and velocity and exclamation.
• Make sense of a world that honors religious beliefs but yet those same religious beliefs are hurled as arrows against others, while harboring their own faults in a safe harbor as if they don't exist.
• Understand how to forgive all the pain that was inflicted upon me when the ones who did it act as if it was okay, they are righteous, and I'm the one that caused the problem - not them.
• Not fully understand why others cannot see what I can see and understand what it is that I understand.  It all seems so simple, but to others, it is not.
• Write the words that will help the most because it feels like my words are never enough in a world of turmoil, torture, pain, and disrespect.

I continue to work on these things each day because as I know, I'm a work in progress.  I know that we aren't on this earth to just wait out our days until we die.  We are here with a purpose, but sometimes that purpose is so clouded by what we've endured in life.
 

I'm not one that settles for what is or for the easy meme and saying that will magically make everything seem like it has disappeared and is better.  Instead, I'm one that keeps questioning and going deep within myself to learn more, grow more, and understand more.

Yes, some days I struggle, but it in that struggle that I remind myself - I'm becoming more than I am today.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Boundaries And Child Sexual Abuse

This is one area I've struggled with probably as hard as any other person that has gone through child sexual abuse.  It is in respect to boundaries.  I know I'm not alone because I see boundaries destroyed every day.

When you are violated by child sexual abuse, there is no such thing anymore as a boundary.  The most intimate part of a child has been taken away.  The child is left in that moment with any control over their life, their body or what they feel and think.  Boundaries have been destroyed.

Many child sexual abuse survivors turn to either absolutely no boundaries or ones that would keep everyone out.  We can see both extremes if we pause to notice this.

I had to find better boundaries...

For me, I often attempted to build a wall and keep everyone out.  They got to see the superficial side of me, but they didn't get in any further unless they had gone through a 1000 page examination and been watched for some time.  Slowly I had to learn how to find better boundaries and attempt to let the good in, but keep the bad out.

Some days I do well on this and other days I struggle with it.  I've had people that I let in and were good for some time, then they tried to destroy me from inside the boundary.  In those moments, it hurts greatly and I pull back on everyone.

In my family, there were no boundaries...

Growing up in my family, there were no boundaries.  From having to use the bathroom with doors open (only to be reminded to close it if guests were over) to having to get dressed in front of a father that seemed to enjoy watching me, there were no boundaries.

In my family, you had no privacy or safety or alone moments.  The only way I could find any of that was to hide out in the barn and tell my cats all my personal secrets.  A journal would have only become public knowledge, but my cats would never tell anyone.

Sexual intimacy all my life was not a personal thing.  It was a family-for public viewing pleasure thing.  There were no boundaries in that, because the moment they asked you to rub their back (ask meant the same thing as expect), it was the beginning of one of those common scenarios that forced you to do things you didn't want to do.

Even taking a bath had no privacy.  I can remember all too frequently being forced to take showers with my dad or brothers.  This was to "conserve" and "save" water.  However, when you're reaching sexual puberty, the last thing you want to do is take a shower with some other member of the family.  Of course, it became much more than a shower.  There was no way to say no, either.  After all, we were only allowed one shower a week (before Church on Sunday) and so, there was no way you wanted to miss it.

Child abuse obliterates boundaries...

I could go on and on with example after example, but by now, I think the point is clear that boundaries are obliterated during child sexual abuse.  They make it difficult from that point forward trying to figure out what is the norm and what is not.

At a VOICES (Victims Of Incest Can Emerge Survivors) conference, I remember Mike Lew talking about boundaries.  He had us imagine where our boundaries were and how far out that went.  Then he took us through an exercise where we tried to extend those boundaries of safety and security.  It was not an easy exercise for me.

Ever since I started my healing journey, I've worked hard to break the silence and try to share what I went through and how I found my way back out of hell.  None of that is ever easy for me to do and at times I still hold back.  I'm still in fear of the abusers coming after me and following through on their threats.

Each day I work to regain more and more of my life, taking back my core essence and the parts that were stolen from me in the child sexual abuse.  Boundaries are still something I struggle with, but I'm learning more and more by sharing with others, just what a good boundary is and that the violations in my past were not normal. 

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Being Okay With This Moment

It isn't easy for me at times.  Sometimes I feel overwhelmed even with all the extensive work I have done on myself.  Other times, it feels like smooth sailing.  The one thing I have realized in this healing journey is that the deeper you allow yourself to go, you just have no idea where that will take you.

Being okay with this moment is often tough for us humans.  It just is!  We're usually standing in the darkness of a cave or the fog of the unknown world around us.  But being okay - now that's like super challenge for the superhero.

I have found though, that being in the midst of what you don't know is often the best way to find what you need.  That may sound like doublespeak, but I've found it to be true.  Allowing myself just go in and be okay with where I am at is sometimes the launching point for so much more in my life.

There are times when we face so much in life and sometimes I don't believe there are always answers immediately looking at us in the eye.  Sometimes, I don't think we are ready for those answers.  Yes, it seems tough in the moments and we often struggle to make sense of it, but sometimes things are just the way they are because they are.

As one goes deeper and deeper into healing trauma, you will see new layers unlike you have ever seen before.  Some of them get pretty deep and challenging, but as you go, you have more and more skills to harness what is before you.  You are operating at a higher level then you have been, and so you will move through these things, if you just allow yourself to be okay with this moment.


One of the things that has never fully 100% come back from my days of Conversion Disorder and paralysis is my memory.  I struggle with it.  Yes, I realize many people do, but my struggle is a little different than most.  I remember what therapist asking me, "can you be okay with this?"  At first I was like, well of course I can, I have to be strong.  However, the more I thought about that question, the more I realized it wasn't as easy as it sounded.  It is not easy to just be okay with it.

Another time where I had a rash that covered my entire body from trauma memories of years gone past.  It was going to that place of being okay in this moment that I could find what I needed to heal from this horrible condition I was facing.  I'm not saying it was easy.  I'm saying I needed to be okay with this moment so I could actually move forward and heal.

We all want a quick fix but often what seems like a quick fix is nothing more than a big detour from where we need to go.  Sometimes stopping the car in road of life, we can take a moment and be okay knowing that we're studying our road map to find where the route ahead leads us.

Being okay with this moment is often what we need to do and I do agree its challenging.  However, its the stuff that super healers are made of and it is empowering.  I'm sure I'm not the only that has seen this in action and if you have seen it, please leave your story in the comments below.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Struggling With Depression

Its another day, I tell myself.  I try to get up and accomplish something, but my body says, "no way, go back to bed!"  I struggle to push back, but my energy wanes.  My mind says, "go ahead and give it another shot," but I grow tired at the thought.

Depression is a life long companion.  It has robbed my life of so much.  Even as I have made great progress, it sometimes is all I can take.

It feels like a dark void with no end in sight.  It feels like a never-ending spiral sinking further and further into a deep dark hole.

Sometimes I can pull myself up more easily and sometimes I struggle to regain my footing.  Oh yes, depression is a life sucker.  Its a drain.

For now though, depression is fighting me hard.  It feels like it is winning at the moment.  I know, I've given it the power.  Now that I gave it the power, it is not wanting to relinquish control.

I wonder how much more will I need to take.  I wonder how much more must I face.  I wonder when I can one day say for certainty that depression is something I used to suffer from, not something that I still struggle with in my life.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Blog Post And Images (c) 1/18/16 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I Felt The Abundance Shift

I can't believe what I just experienced in this free webinar.  I'm used to working through meditations and energy clearings, but this was profound tonight.  Some of it is personal and I don't wish to share it publicly, but I've got a feeling, you'll see it as the weeks and months ahead begin to unfold.

I felt the abundance shift as Christie Marie Sheldon was going through the energy clearing in the free webinar tonight.  I'm not making it up.  I'm not being woo woo.  I'm not being weird.  It happened.  I felt it.  At one point, my tears started to flow and it was then that I knew I connected with something profound.  Yes, there was an event from many years ago that kept coming up in my consciousness.  Again, its too personal at the moment to share.

We Stand In Our Own Way

When we stand in the way of all that is before us and we question why it is that we lack what we so need, is it any wonder that we struggle?  If we are the ones standing in our own way, would it not be the best solution to get out of our own way?

This Too Shall Pass

Lately life, has been a big struggle.  I'm barely keeping my head above water.  I'm barely functioning at times.  Between the headaches, the pain, and the exhaustion, it is all I can do to keep going.  I keep trudging on, but it truly feels like I'm walking in a foot of mud.

This reminds me of the summer days I worked in the corn and bean fields of Iowa.  During those months, we walked beans taking out volunteer corn and weeds that was growing.  It meant that you would walk each row of soybeans with a hoe or machete and whack out the unwanted plants.  If you were detassling corn, you were pulling the tassels on the female rows to get the proper pollination.

Generally the weather was hot and dry, but at times it would rain.  When it rained, it meant walking through the muddy fields or maybe more like trudging through the muddy fields.  You could not wait for the fields to dry or it to stop raining, because there was a short window of time in there to get this work done.  So as you walked through the field, your shoes would pick up pounds and pounds of mud.  The ground was uneven and so it became exhausting and challenging with each step you took.

Content With This Moment

Some days I look at life and I wonder how I'm going to make it through another day.  It isn't always easy and before you take pity on me, please realize that my life is doing much better than it once was.  In fact, these past few months have progressed along rapidly towards a better life.  In fact, if I just looked at this one moment in the continuum of life, I would have to say everything is fine.

Yet, deep down, I still struggle with parts of my life that have not unfolded.  Income is coming through, but I've sort of taken another dip in the income flow of my life.  My body is so much more free from pain, but in the last week through all the stress, it has kicked up considerably.  While I can see more of what life has in store for me or what attracts me to life, I still struggle to seem to find my way.  Last but not least, I still struggle with relationships, friendships, and feeling like I fit into this planet and civilization.

Again, I don't want pity.  I despise pity for myself because there are so many that have it much worse than I do.  Yes, I went through hell and back in my life, but I'm functioning and walking and talking and living!  That's more than some people can claim.  So, in many ways I have nothing to complain about, except that I want much more.  I'm driven to much more in my life, not in respect to material possessions, but more understanding, growth and awareness in myself and my role in the world.

Getting Straight A's

While this story may be a little bit of a deviation from my regular blog postings, I felt it was important to share.  In many ways, I think it may help others and so in that reference frame, this blog post is keeping in the tradition of a purpose of helping others.  It is a personal struggle that I went through many years ago and as I begin to consider graduate school in my future, this subject came up with a friend of mine who teaches at a university.

Growing up, I did struggle with math and I found ways to compensate or overcome those obstacles.  Yet, math was never easy for me.  I took the required classes I had to in this subject and then moved on to other things that I enjoyed more.  Throughout high school, I did fairly well, graduating tenth in my class.  In many respects, I could have done better, but since high school was not a challenge to me, I just got by in my classes.  Unfortunately as a result, I never learned how to properly and efficiently study and learn from classwork.

Have Faith Things Are Going To Change

Click here for
Book Review

Every day we all wake up and struggle to put one foot in front of the other with no promise that at the end of the day, life will be any better. But you get up anyway. You keep breathing and hold on to faith that somehow, someday things are going to change for the better. Probably when we least expect it. - 1929 by M.L. Gardner