Content With This Moment

Some days I look at life and I wonder how I'm going to make it through another day.  It isn't always easy and before you take pity on me, please realize that my life is doing much better than it once was.  In fact, these past few months have progressed along rapidly towards a better life.  In fact, if I just looked at this one moment in the continuum of life, I would have to say everything is fine.

Yet, deep down, I still struggle with parts of my life that have not unfolded.  Income is coming through, but I've sort of taken another dip in the income flow of my life.  My body is so much more free from pain, but in the last week through all the stress, it has kicked up considerably.  While I can see more of what life has in store for me or what attracts me to life, I still struggle to seem to find my way.  Last but not least, I still struggle with relationships, friendships, and feeling like I fit into this planet and civilization.

Again, I don't want pity.  I despise pity for myself because there are so many that have it much worse than I do.  Yes, I went through hell and back in my life, but I'm functioning and walking and talking and living!  That's more than some people can claim.  So, in many ways I have nothing to complain about, except that I want much more.  I'm driven to much more in my life, not in respect to material possessions, but more understanding, growth and awareness in myself and my role in the world.