When Life Throws So Much At You

Written By Don Shetterly

I know I am a person with great strength, but right now as I am writing this, it doesn't feel that way.  By the time you read this, hopefully, things will have changed.  I wanted to jot my thoughts down in case others resonated with what I am writing.

In my life, I don't shy away from difficult parts of my healing.  I usually go into them head first when many sometimes do the opposite.  However, with all that has come up and slapped me in the face, I'm seriously reconsidering my philosophy on life.

It has not been easy.  I've wanted to give up a few times.  In many ways, I don't feel like I've got anyone to talk to or ask for help.  It feels like most of the ones I go to, just aren't there this time.  Maybe that's the break to something different.  I don't know.  However, I can tell you it is not an easy place to be in.

During these most recent moments, it has felt like the foundation below my feet dropped out.  At the same time, I've been pushed around by gale force winds that make it hard to regain my footing.  There have been many moments where I questioned, could I even make it through this.  Did I have what it takes?

For me to ask that question means the storms are hitting hard.  I've already been through paralysis and depression, anxiety and suicide.  Not to mention, there was a near-death experience and a complete loss of everything I once knew in life.  I have managed to rise out of the ashes from those experiences, but this moment is taking me to a whole new level.

I'm hunkered down in my cave right now waiting for the storm to subside enough I can step back out into the sunshine.  I'm doing this through spending time alone and writing and creating.  These are the things that I grasp on to when nothing else seems to work.  Nature is also a big part of my comfort and support because nature understands when humans do not.

In many ways, I know and realize that I have made it this far.  In those times of the distant past, I wondered then as well, did I have what it takes?  To realize that my memory was gone and I had to relearn how to walk and do the basics, I can see I made it through those insurmountable odds.

These are the things I carry with me during this time.  They are what keeps me going and stopping me from ultimately giving up.  There have been times recently that I had to really fight to say to my self, "I Know You Can Do This!"

I'm hopeful for easier days.   May the easier moments arrive soon!  I long for a normalness to my day and night.  As I keep reminding myself of words, I share with others, "this too shall pass."

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Blog Post And Images (c) 11/30/17 by Don Shetterly

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Dealing With Trauma

When you've been through so many horrible experiences in your life, it can be difficult at best to deal with them, try to heal from them and not let them take you under.  Dealing with trauma is not easy and if anyone tells you it is, don't buy the iceberg in the middle of the swamp they are trying to sell.

Sorry, if anyone thinks I'm off my rocker here, but I've had to deal with trauma.  Yeah, I've done a pretty good job keeping the hungry tigers at bay, but sometimes the trauma is just hard to deal with, let alone heal from in life.

I keep trying no matter what.  Some days, I want to give up and say enough is enough with this.  It can be exhausting at times and horrifying at other times.

I don't want to give the impression that if you've been through trauma, life is pointless or hopeless.  It is not!  As hard as it gets, there is hope that you can go on long enough to heal from it and find a measure of happiness and meaning and purpose in life.

Kept putting one foot in front of the other...

When I was really processing the heavy parts of trauma, I often felt exhausted and I wondered if I would ever get through things.  Sometimes it felt hopeless and sometimes my energy level didn't seem enough for what I needed.  In those times, I kept putting one foot in front of the other knowing that "this too shall pass".

In those difficult moments, I turned to nature.  Any time I could get to a park or the mountains or oceans, I would go.  Anytime I could just spend a moment outside in the sun, feeling the warmth of the sunlight or the breeze upon my face, I would do it.  If there was just a moment where I could walk down the sidewalk and escape the difficult moments of the day, I would go.

Creativity helped me deal with trauma...

I used creativity to help me deal with trauma.  Creativity through writing, drawing, painting helped.  It gave me an outlet.  If you're not one that likes to write, draw or paint - that's perfectly okay.  There are a hundred million other ways to be creative.  Just find the one that works for you and use it to help yourself.  Creativity helps you process.  It gives you a channel for those things that are so hard to put into words.

Dealing with trauma is not about ignoring it.  It is about embracing it and allowing yourself to go in and heal from it.  I still remember the therapist that told me how happy she was that I stuck with the therapy.  She told me that all too often, many will quit therapy long before they should.  No, it isn't easy going to therapy and opening these wounds up, but in order to heal - you just can't wish it away.

Dealing with trauma is not one size fits all.  You have to find what works for you and then do it.  Don't wait for others to tell you what works.  Seek out the things that help you and if it is not working, find something else.  Don't be like the friend of mine that was seeing therapists every day of the week and exclaiming nothing was working.  My advice to him was to stop what he was doing and find something that did work.

Therapy that does not connect the body with the mind may help to a degree, but it will be lacking in potential.  The body stores the memories and they can only be accessed and released by doing work on the body.  There are some great therapies for trauma healing such as the Unified Therapy with Dr. Paul Canali.  It is highly effective work and it does not take too long before you begin to see and feel a difference.

In dealing with trauma, I have found that most of the times I had no answers in what step to take.  I just searched and sought out things that would help.  I tried to recognize how my body, my gut, and my heart felt about whatever therapy I was doing.  I am a highly driven person and so I constantly evaluated if what I was doing truly worked.  If it didn't, I found something that did.

But most of all - don't accept that trauma has to ruin the rest of your life!  There is healing and growth from it.  There is a way forward.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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What Gets You Through Difficult Moments

What do you use?  What gets you through your difficult moments?  Is it a higher power that you turn to or the support of your friends?  Maybe you stay focused during those moments and maybe you're like many who are anything but focused.

I know for me, I've learned different tools and tricks throughout the years.  I used to suffer from extreme anxiety that prevented me from being around people or going in stores.  I had to learn techniques that I could use to help myself so I could get past the extreme anxiety.  From time to time, I still struggle with anxiety but it isn't as bad.

I have had plenty of difficult moments in life and some have almost completely taken me under.  There are times when I've felt like I could barely crawl back up out of the whole I had dug for my life.  Yet, somehow I managed to keep going and get through difficult moments.

It will not last forever...

One of the things that I think is important is to realize that whatever you are going through, it will pass.  It will not last forever.  You will find a way through it.  Yes, I know it may not seem like that in the present moment, but it too shall pass.

Another thing is that sometimes you have to lean on those around you for support.  Sometimes they are the strength that you don't have in that moment.  There are just times when they help shine the flashlight on the difficult path you are walking down.

There are times in difficult moments when you have to be assertive and ask others for help.  Sometimes other people have no clue what you need and unless you ask for what you need, how will they know how to help you?  By you asking for what you need, you will be taking care of yourself and working to find a way through the difficult moment.

Regroup and Reassess...

Sometimes you have to regroup and reassess where you are, where you are going and what you need to do to get there.  This often involves a time of rest or slowed down activity.  Sometimes what once seemed vital and important to life is no longer at the level as your eyes get opened to new things during difficult moments.

Realizing that sometimes a difficult moment is one that you will look back on in future days and see just how it shifted you or how it brought you to some experience you needed to see.  Sometimes it is what propels us forward into what we need to do, rather than stay complacent in what we've done.  I know that isn't easy during difficult moments, but as I've looked back in my life, I continue to see just how true this is.

Allowing yourself to be in that difficult moment is something I've been learning how beneficial it is.  It helps me move through those moments easier and quicker, rather than getting stuck in them.  Yes, I know, if you would have told me years ago that this was true, I would have scoffed in your face.  I'm just learning more and more to surrender into the difficult moment and see what it is that I am to learn from it.  It truly does help, even if it is hard to do this.

Hope and Possibility Through Trauma...

I always try to keep in mind just how far I have come and what I have faced, endured, and triumphed over.  In 1991, I was paralyzed by a Conversion Disorder which I've written about in my book, Hope And Possibility Through Trauma. None of that was easy, but as I look back, I can see just how far I've come.  Each of us has those moments in life that we can look back towards and know that we too can make it through this.

Getting through difficult moments is unique to each person.  What works for one person, may not work for someone else.  So find out what gets you through difficult moments.  Make it a part of your life to see what is beyond where you're at while accepting that this difficult moment you are in is only temporary.  It too shall pass.

Sometimes a playlist of music can be of great help.  I've done that through many times where I can just hit play on the playlist.  It is one of the things I've used to help with anxiety, relaxation, and just taking me out of the moment I was in.  I've sang to some music when no one was home and cried to other songs.  We all have songs that move us in one way or another.

Whatever it is that you do to get yourself through difficult moments, tweak it and change it to meet the needs of that moment.  You may find that what you do to deal with difficult moments will change over time as you learn new things about yourself and become stronger through past moments.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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This Too Shall Pass

Lately life, has been a big struggle.  I'm barely keeping my head above water.  I'm barely functioning at times.  Between the headaches, the pain, and the exhaustion, it is all I can do to keep going.  I keep trudging on, but it truly feels like I'm walking in a foot of mud.

This reminds me of the summer days I worked in the corn and bean fields of Iowa.  During those months, we walked beans taking out volunteer corn and weeds that was growing.  It meant that you would walk each row of soybeans with a hoe or machete and whack out the unwanted plants.  If you were detassling corn, you were pulling the tassels on the female rows to get the proper pollination.

Generally the weather was hot and dry, but at times it would rain.  When it rained, it meant walking through the muddy fields or maybe more like trudging through the muddy fields.  You could not wait for the fields to dry or it to stop raining, because there was a short window of time in there to get this work done.  So as you walked through the field, your shoes would pick up pounds and pounds of mud.  The ground was uneven and so it became exhausting and challenging with each step you took.