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| At Linnville Falls, NC Painful Moments In Life |
The holiday season are always a tough time for me, so any reminders and connections to the past make things much more difficult. Yet, that's what happened the other day. I'm still trying to find center in all of this and to be honest, my mind keeps questioning, why - at this time of the year, is this coming up?
Even though I want to act as if these things don't hurt me or control me or impact me, I would be lying if I stuck to that story. I like to believe that I am free of these chains that bind me, but yet I know deep down inside just how much I feel them. They are like daggers that are launched in an all out assault on me, and I'm left to defend my thoughts, my body and my emotions.
As the day wore on, I experienced pain in my shoulders, neck and back. The tension grew increasingly difficult and my mind felt like it was in a fog. Focusing on the tasks of the day became nothing more than trying to stand up in a hurricane. Little things of the day were blown out of proportion and became gigantic monsters ready to attack.
I spent some time outside reading a book that I am enjoying trying to get my mind off of the painful moments I was experiencing. While it helped me to just relax and focus for a few minutes, my shoulder, neck and back pain grew at torrential rates. When I could take no more, I decided to go for a walk. Taking a different street than I normally would, I ended up putting myself on a very long route to get back home. The walking helped though in dealing with the painful moments in life.
Yet, as I continued through my day, I found it was difficult to focus and concentrate. The pain in my body increased and so I did the next thing that I know how to do which was getting on the massage table. As I laid there listening to the relaxing meditative music, I allowed myself to feel the pain in my body and notice and sense all that was taking place. It isn't easy to do sometimes, but I know it is often the key to getting past or helping deal with painful moments in life.
As the minutes ticked by and as I went deeper into myself, the tears started to form. They were slow at first, but they began to pick up. Of course, I realized that just crying alone was not going to do much for me. Sometimes we need to just cry our eyes out, but if we can connect to the pain we are feeling in our body, the tears will have a greater healing ability. Continuing to let myself feel all the emotions, the painful moments, the hurt and everything I could sense, brought the floodgates of my tears to the max.
It wasn't long as I was laying on the table crying, that I could feel my breath rise deep and let go, as if my autonomic nervous system was re-regulating itself and re-balancing. The minute that happened, I could feel a wave of peacefulness come over me and calm me into a more relaxed state. In fact, I could feel the pain and tension in my neck, shoulder and back diminish.
Yes, the painful moments in life were still there. It wasn't like they had completely vanished, but now I was honoring my body, mind, and emotions, rather than feeling like a slave to them. I was connecting with myself through the mind body connection, and experiencing life in the way it was meant to live. The tears helped washed the painful moments away but connecting what I was feeling to what was happening in my body, gave me a more balanced sense of myself.
Dealing with painful moments in life is not easy. I struggle hard at times to keep my head above water because some of these experiences in life have great power within them. Each day, I get stronger and each year, I understand how to let go, just a little bit more. It is all about learning to be human and evolving in consciousness and awareness. The main thing I have to remember is that when these moments hit, I need to allow myself to go in and feel what is going on in my body, rather than avoiding it as if it doesn't exist. When I do that, I know I will find more peace and comfort for my life.
Related Blog Posts
1) Letting Go Of Painful Moments (May 11, 2011)
2) Get Over It (Mar 12, 2011)
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I think the holidays bring back those memories because you are feeling like you did as a child. Hoping for the magic of the season and then feeling the pain and disappointment that may have come to you instead. You apparently have learned some coping skills. It is good that you use them. I hope you enjoy the holidays and remember the good times that you have put into place.
ReplyDelete@Terri - this was actually something unconnected to the holidays but I would rather not state it publicly. I can email you privately on the details.
ReplyDeleteYes, I now have many more tools in the toolbox and some of those is limiting how far I take this holiday season. I no longer feel like I have to do things and we usually look for ways to just have fun or do whatever we feel like on these days.