 |
| Healing The Itchy Hand Rash, Day 4 |
From My Personal Journal on October 13, 2011
Doubt Things Will Get Better!
So, I'm full of questions and I wonder (maybe doubt) things will get better. Yet, I know there are those who have it far worse than I do! Unfortunately that does little for me because I almost feel helpless and hopeless.
I mean now there is a rash on my hand that bothers me daily / hourly. I feel separated from everyone and anyone. My life does not operate from joy but from despair. I want to scream out - just how much more can I endure - can I take? Isn't this enough?
In some ways maybe in many ways, I feel like I need a lightening bolt type of response. I'm not sure if I could see or notice it otherwise. I don't know if I feel worthy enough. I'm not sure if I believe a miracle is possible. Am I destined to live out the rest of my life in despair just like I was when I was paralyzed?
Life seems like I must be able to fly 5000 miles into the air in one single jump. I don't understand how I can accomplish what I am here to do when I feel as if I don't have what it takes.
I do feel alone and separated. I am trying to reach my arms out but all I see is a blue sky of emptiness surrounded by fog. I try to trust that something is there but my doubts prove otherwise.
Again, all I know to do is write my doubts, shortcomings and questions. Beyond this, I feel lost and have no clue how to proceed.
This was a very tough day becausse the rash continued to worsen and my fears increased exponentially. The images continued to haunt me and I tried to flee from their presence. I felt as if I was in utter despair. I felt as if there was no way out or no way forward.
Between the burning of the rash and the itching, I could barely take it. I wanted to cry, scream and yell, but I doubted that this would prove to be much more than a madmen going crazy. It felt like there were no options and somehow I knew I needed to hang on but the time of hanging on was growing more difficult with each day and hour that passed.
Please come back for Day 5 on November 11, 2011
Blog Post & Images (c) 10/25/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com
If any part of this post is used or shared, a link back to this site is required.
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/
Please ask for permission before reprinting this article. Thanks!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
No comments:
Post a Comment
NOTICE:
LINKS IN COMMENTS WILL NOT BE PUBLISHED.
SEE COMMENT POLICY