Christmas Gift Giving Anxiety

Written By Don Shetterly

One of the things that makes this time of year so difficult is Christmas gift-giving anxiety.  I had many horrible experiences while growing up, and it makes it a struggle.

Yes, I know everyone will tell you that you give gifts at Christmas out of love.  While there is so much truth to that, there's a part that is not spoken.  Try not giving a gift to your family and see how the reaction is.   That will show you the other unspoken part.

In all honesty, though, we spend a lot of money at Christmas because we have to buy the perfect gift for our loved ones.  I think we've truly lost our way in what really matters, but trying to get the world to see that is like plugging a leaking dam with your finger.

One Christmas while I was in college, I was struggling to make it financially.  I didn't have money from parents.  I had no financial aid.  Everything I needed to pay for college was either student loans or from a full-time job I was working.  I was making it each month, but with nothing extra left over.  If Starbucks had been around then, that would have been a luxury.

This particular year, I had been saving my pennies, nickels, and dimes up.  I was collecting soda cans and turning them in for the 5 cent deposit we had in Iowa.  By Christmas, I think I had saved around $50 which was not a lot, but it's all I had.  I had presents to buy for my Dad, Mom, older brother, younger brother, and my older brother's wife.  Splitting $50 up between that many people doesn't go far, but I did the best I could.

I looked for items that they could use, and that would allow me to spend within the budget I had.  Using the comics sections of the Sunday newspaper, I wrapped the gifts with care.  Wrapping paper was too expensive for me to buy at that point.  I was proud of what I had done because the $50 I spent on gifts could have purchased a month's worth of groceries for me in those days.  Instead I was giving some of my Christmas joy away to my family.

When my family opened the gifts I had gotten for them on Christmas Day, the response I got was not what I expected.  They looked at me and said, "this is all you got us?"  I was crushed.  I was hurt.  They should have just shot me with a gun because it would not have hurt anymore at that moment.  I so badly wanted to take all the gifts back and go give them to the homeless.

Another experience was after I had just gotten out of the hospital from going through Conversion Disorder and being paralyzed.  My parents and I were not on great speaking terms because they were afraid I was going to spill the family secrets.  So, I could have cared less that year if I bought presents or not.  I finally sent them a check for $25 and a lovely card and letter.  The response I got back was "if this is all you're going to do for Christmas, then please don't send us anything more!"  You talk about being crushed.  This was so hurtful, and I honored their request.  I never sent them another thing.

So while everyone wants to think this is an excellent time of year, Christmas gift-giving anxiety is a real thing.  We might not be conscious enough to admit it, and often we feel powerless in our families.  There can be some real hurt inflicted on this day.

If someone gives me something, I don't care if it is a rock, I will cherish it.  Never will you hear me disparage a gift as if it is not enough.  Christmas gift-giving anxiety causes people to spend mega fortunes and go deep into debt at Christmas.

We never got a lot of gifts at Christmas, but the ones we got were special.  My mom would find a way to make the season special even if she could not spend much.

These days, I'll surprise people at the last minute the day before Christmas with homemade cookies or little things.  I'm not looking for them to give me a gift.  I just enjoy giving something.  I still struggle with Christmas gift-giving anxiety, but I try to do things on my own terms.

Call me a Scrooge if you want because I don't celebrate like most people do, but then why would I want more hurt inflicted upon me.  If someone doesn't appreciate what you get them, then no sense to do it for them.

I'm guessing that I am not the only one with Christmas gift-giving anxiety.  If you deal with this, please leave your story in a comment below.  I'd love to hear your experiences.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 11/30/17 by Don Shetterly

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Suck It Up And Move On

Written By Don Shetterly

These words make my skin crawl with disgust for humanity.  When I see someone tell another person going through a difficult time to suck it up and move on, it saddens me.  Why on earth would you make this statement to anyone?

We all have our difficult moments and issues in our life.  Sometimes they are not easy to just move on to the next moment as if they didn't happen.  They are often complex and require little steps towards healing and moving on.

No one can tell another when they should move on.  If we have not walked in the shoes of another and we don't know what they are dealing with in their life.  In fact, even though it may appear to us that they are not moving on, they may, in fact, be making significant progress.  They may be taking big leaps when we cannot see it.

It is not up to us to be heartless and mean and uncaring to someone by telling them to suck it up and move on.  I believe this is about as low as you can get on being human.  Okay, there are other things much lower, but this ranks right down at the bottom of human consciousness.

Telling someone to suck it up means you're telling them to ignore what it is they are feeling or have experienced.  You're saying to those who are struggling that what they are going through does not matter.  Most likely how it makes you feel is more important than what they are going through at that moment.

When others are going through difficult moments, one of the worst things is to listen to people telling them to suck it up and move on.  In fact, that's a recipe for major health issues, mental health struggles like depression and anxiety and suicide.  It is a recipe for adding stress to your life and setting up moments in the future where you don't deal with things in a healthy way.

If you can't be there for the person with empathy and compassion, maybe the best thing to do is run along into the woods.  Perhaps it is a time for you to do some soul-searching about what it means to be human.  You're not helping anyone if you are making statements like this to others.  You're hurting them in ways you don't even understand.

(click to read the blog post)

The world needs those who are peaceful and loving.  We don't need more judgment and condemnation.  We need empathy and love, compassion and understanding.  The world needs us to show up for one another and help support each other as we walk through this journey of life.

Be human and stop telling others to suck it up and move on!  You'll be doing the world a big favor.  You will be impacting the world in a positive way.

Extend your arms of support to people.  Don't harm them more when they are facing difficult moments.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 12/21/17 by Don Shetterly

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How I Handled Christmas In 10 Steps

I'm writing this a year in advance.  In fact, Christmas Day 2016, was just yesterday.  Things are beginning to get back to normal.  Email and social media feeds are starting to liven up again.  Trash pickup just went by trying to collect everyone's trash from yesterday.  So, yeah, Christmas is over once again.

However, I thought I would write this because someone asked me if I would do anything different the next year.  I had written earlier that I struggled to deal with the holidays.  I'm one of those where the hurt and pain shows up with the fun and presents.

Growing up, my mom did her best to really go all out celebrating Christmas on a shoestring budget.  Yes, we were envious of our friends who got a lot of presents, but my mom tried to make it special in other ways.  From decorating Christmas cookies, to the food and candy she would make and to just decorating the house, it became a special day.

Unfortunately, in the midst of all of it there was a lot of stuff that hit the fan.  There were many moments that are painful and in fact so painful, that I can't even talk about them yet.  I've done a tremendous amount of healing and forgiveness but the stuff is there in too great of quantities.

So, when Christmas comes - it isn't easy.  The turmoil that hits me emotionally and in my mind feels like 200 MACK trucks hitting me at about 100 mph every second of every day.  It isn't easy.  Lord knows I've tried to find ways to deal with it, but it just is not easy.  If you're like I am, than this isn't news to you.

Here's some of the things I did in 2016 and I'm writing this to my future self so I'll remember what worked and what helped.

1. We were able to take a trip for a few days leading up to Christmas.  In that final week before Christmas, I truly struggle, and so this helped keep my mind off of dwelling on it.
2. I tried to slow down for December.  Even half of my normal speed is almost too much.  A few things to do can quickly and easily overwhelm me.  So, it's best to slow it down a lot!
3. I made sure that anything I wanted to get done to celebrate Christmas was done by the middle of the month.  I knew that the last week or two, I just needed to coast through it.  Any more than that and it was too much.
4. I reached out to my partner and tried to explain things about what I needed.  He was very loving and compassionate and worked with me.
5. I reached out to friends, and they were a support during this time.  In fact, I tried to help be there for them, and I think it helped me in the long run.
6. I recognized that this was a tough time and tried hard not to beat myself up for it.  It is the way it is, and there is no sense in shaming myself into what my "surreal concept" should be for Christmas.
7. I tried to get in extra exercise and activity by walking and worked to not let myself isolate from others or the outdoors.  Fortunately, I live in a warm climate, but just being outside in nature and the sun helped me greatly.
8. I looked for ways to be creative, but not necessarily that I had to complete a project.  Creativity helps me deal with life and stress and the past.  If I embrace it, it helps me.
9. I would look for moments of quietness and stillness to just take care of myself.  I didn't do this to hide or isolate, but to just give myself a chance to breathe.
10. I worked to help connect with my mind and body through awareness and breathing so I could give myself a boost in energy to deal with all the pain I was facing.

For the most part, these things helped.  Yes, I did get depressed.  Yes, I struggled with anxiety.  I already try to stay out of the stores right around the holiday because people are usually rude and inconsiderate.  It takes very little to push me over the edge.

I do avoid any parties because I just don't do well at this time.  On Christmas, I stay away from family functions because it is just too much for me to sort out.  A good video and downtime from the computer are far more welcomed to me than having to negotiate family pain.

These things help.  I just know that it isn't an easy time and I've learned it is okay to be okay with that.  The "beautiful family gatherings" may exist out there, but I know many who struggle with the pain it brings.  If we honor and respect where we are, what we can do and that we have so much going for us, it can make the days go a little easier.

What do you do to help yourself handle Christmas?  Leave a reply and let me know.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 11/30/17 by Don Shetterly

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Dental Anxiety and Teeth Brushing

Written By Don Shetterly

I've got a feeling I'm not the only one out there struggling with this issue.  In fact, I know others that have admitted this to me.  If you've followed me for some time, you've probably seen that I struggle with dental anxiety.

Now, I'm not just talking about being a little afraid of going to the dentist.  I'm referring to full on anxiety attacks in just making an appointment.  For me to pick up the phone, that's when the anxiety at full speed.  Getting into the dentist office is nothing short of running 20 marathons in a single minute.

One of the things I truly struggle with is anytime anyone puts anything in my mouth like the dentist.  I freak out.  I freeze.  My body literally goes into such a fear response that it becomes very rigid.  I'm so frustrated with this and I put off much needed work until it got so bad I had not choice but to go in and struggle with my fears.

A dentist I've found close to me is very good about working with me.  I do use some medication to help me get in the door and I have a trusted friend with me at all times.  In fact, my friend is the one that makes the appointments and handles anything over the phone on this, because I just can't bring myself to do this part.

One of the things I've noticed in myself about dental anxiety is how difficult it is to brush my teeth.  I grew up doing this every day, but when the memories of abuse triggered me so much, it was an all out battle to get myself to brush my teeth.

Now, I have noticed that just to insert the toothbrush into my mouth is triggering beyond any words I could write here.  Of course, this compounds the problem.  I'm pushing myself to brush my teeth now, but it feels like I'm being abused and molested every time I do.

I just want people to be aware of this, especially dentists.  Some of us struggle so hard and while we try to trust the professionals, it is not easy.  As I said, it feels like I'm being abused and molested every time I go for a dentist appointment.  My dentist is great and works with me, but no matter what, I feel that trigger.  My body feels it.  My body reacts to it.

Even writing about this is difficult and I can feel the anxiety and heat rise within me.  It is not a simple trigger to me.  I'd so love to get beyond it and be able to go to the dentist office like normal people do.  I hate this part about life because it is exhausting and overwhelming.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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Dealing With Panic Attacks

Written By Don Shetterly

Years ago, when I went through Conversion Disorder, I struggled with moments that the doctors hardly understood, let alone had terminology for.  I remember having a "panic attack", as it was called at the time, and given a pamphlet to be taken home to read.

The only thing is the panic attack was a symptom of a much larger condition.  Up to that point, the doctors had only diagnosed me with Multiple Sclerosis, which was later found to be wrong.  I would not know for some time that the diagnoses were Conversion Disorder, depression, and anxiety.  The doctors kept these things from me in those days.

We were all focused on getting to the point I could walk again, as I was paralyzed at that point.  The goal was to get me integrated back into my regular daily routine and activities as quickly as I could, but I'm not sure anyone thought it was possible.

Noise From A Yard Sale...

When I got home from the hospital, I remember waking up that first morning.  I heard a lot of people outside my door. Peering through the window, I noticed what appeared to be a yard sale by my neighbors.

This would be considered a reasonable thing by most people but all of the sudden, I would find myself shaking, crying, and struggling to catch my breath.  I was scared beyond belief.  I tried to hide on my couch, but the people's noises and talking would not stop.  I had no idea what was going on with me.  I felt as if I was going to die.  I didn't know what to do.

Calling my doctor, he prescribed medication for me and then I made the bold gesture of trying to go out and make it to the pharmacy.  I made it about two blocks before my legs were shaking so much and my breathing was to the point I felt like I was going to pass out.  Driving a stick-shift pickup was not easy, and I managed just to turn around and go back home.

Nothing was calming down.  My breathing was way off and challenging.  I felt so full of despair.  I finally called a co-worker friend to get the prescription for me.  The medication helped, but it knocked me out for hours.

Anxiety Took Me Down...

There would be many more times I'd have to deal with anxiety, from venturing outside my house to trying to get back to work, to going inside a store.  Anxiety would hit me hard and take me down quickly.

I learned to go without stimulants like sugar, coffee, chocolate, soft drinks and anything that might kick my body up.  While that helped, it wasn't the cure - but it helped.  I had many sessions of therapy where we would work through the anxiety issues, but it seemed as if they were never-ending.

Another thing I did was to keep a small rock in my pocket wherever I went.  I learned that if I felt a panic attack coming on, I could reach in my pocket without anyone knowing and just grab ahold of the rock.  To me, it felt grounding and safe so that even when my life felt out of control, the rock helped bring me back.

Would I Make It...

Life was a struggle.  It was difficult.  Normal things to other people were difficult life-challenging issues to me.  In those days, I wondered if I would ever make it.  I wondered if I would get beyond this and back to a normal life.

I have since learned so much more about how to deal with anxiety.  Even at times when it gets the best of me, it is nowhere to the level of full-blown panic attacks that it once was.  I have done so much intense and deep healing work using Unified Therapy that the anxiety is a fraction of what it once was.

While the mind plays a starring role in a panic or anxiety attack, the body is what generates it.  This is the most helpful revelation that I have found in my healing.  Ignoring the physical presence of why it is coming up makes it harder to deal with anxiety.  Dealing with what the cells of the body remember is where freedom and liberation from a whole new level takes place.

I never was one to accept a condition I had or a label handed to me.  I fought those hard, and I still do.  I know that if I latch on to the condition I was given, I see myself as that issue, not as potential for healing.  I desire healing.

I've fought the odds against so much that I was not supposed to conquer.  Even to this day, I do not accept where I am.  I'm always striving to push forward to places that too many believe do not exist.  As I heal more and more, I am finding that there is so much hope and possibility.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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When Pain Gets Your Attention

Written By Don Shetterly

Sometimes,  I don't always listen or heed what I write sometimes.  I'm no different than anyone else after all.  I'm merely human too.  Yes, I'm admitting it.  Yes, we humans don't always practice fully what we preach, but it doesn't stop any of us from preaching it!

For some time now I've been having extreme pain in my teeth.  In fact, I had gotten to the point where I didn't really notice most of it.  That is until it got so bad.  We can go for a time ignoring and numbing pain in our life, but when it gets too bad, that is when the pain gets your attention.

It Is A Paralyzing Fear...

I have written about my dental anxiety and fear many times on this blog.  Regardless, each time I go into a dentist office or attempt to make an appointment, it is the same intense fear that I encounter.  It is a paralyzing fear.  It is the point where I convince myself that I can put this off.  When the pain finally gets my attention, I realize I cannot ignore it any longer.

For some time, I've used some homeopathy remedies to help, and while they helped, they didn't solve the issue.  I needed to go get things taken care of, but I used the remedies to further disconnect myself from it and let the fear win.  I still remember the nasty dude on social media that instead of being helpful, he came at me with a vengeance because of how I was dealing with the teeth issues.  I still marvel at how people who think they have the answers will bash someone in the head if they don't agree.  That's another story for another time.

Pain Over Powered The Anxiety...

Anyway, when the pain got so intense, it over powered the fear and anxiety I had.  There was no going back.  There was no second guessing it.  The pain was far more intense and challenging than the anxiety, and that's a big statement!

Fortunately, I've found a dentist that cares and is kind and gentle.  I explained that my difficulty is because of the torture and child sexual abuse I went through as a kid.  Making an appointment to see the dentist invokes intense anxiety in me.  Walking in the door is monumental.  Getting an x-ray feels like I'm being tortured and abused leaving me in a state of panic where I can hardly breathe.

I know a ton of stuff about relaxation and staying connected.  I know and practice many things including breathing, but there is nothing that prepares me for dental experiences.  I hate taking medications of any type, but in this case, I will take the happy little pill that takes the edge off of the anxiety and fear.  It is the only way I can get in the door for dental procedures.

With the intense pain that was getting my attention, I saw just how physically exhausting it is.  It almost consumes and takes over my body at times.  It alters how I view myself and the world around me.  Sometimes though, it feels like this is normal to my body and even with all the work I've been through, at times I forget it isn't.

The dentist told me before I left her office that I deserve to be pain-free.  You know, I had not thought about that until that moment.  I've learned to live with the pain of being tortured and abused and sometimes it is easy to forget, that I don't have to live with it.  I can choose differently.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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How We Learned To Deal With Trauma

Written by Don Shetterly

When you grow up in situations where trauma and abuse along with emotional and mental manipulation are what you know, you never quite have a fighting chance early in life.  How we learned to deal with trauma and stress was anything but normal for us.

We were never given the tools to know what to do.  We were never taught how to deal with the situations in which we found ourselves.


We grew up learning to survive.  We grew up learning to find the way through what was happening to us in the best way we knew how.  We often were focusing our attention on that moment of abuse we were enduring.  There was no learning how to deal with the trauma, let alone the stress in our lives.

Many of us found coping mechanisms to escape what was being done.  Some of us just stuffed it deep down inside.  Some of us tried to match the pain through the self-inflicted harm we did to our bodies.  These were survival techniques we employed because we knew nothing else.

As life continued, we faced new stressors and situations in life.  The usual part of growing up in a world that is sometimes far too harsh presented more challenges.  Our early go-to techniques did not match up to what we needed for those moments, and so the trauma replayed over and over.  The stress continued to build.

Foreign Invaders Of Our Mind and Body...

Regardless, we knew we had found a way to survive through all the abuse and trauma we had once endured, so we didn't give up.  We kept fighting.  We kept trying to figure it all out, but far too often, our insight was formed because of what we had to do to survive.  What we needed to do for our body and our mind became foreign invaders that we did not trust.

As we get to our current day, the techniques that once served us well and how we survived now fall short.  They exhaust us because they no longer do what we need for them to do.  We struggle, and we fight.  Some of us fall victim to this through suicide, cutting, chronic conditions, conversion disorder, anxiety, depression and a whole host of other outcomes.

Healing is not easy.  Learning to deal with trauma and stress without the necessary tools is an epic challenge.  I know in my own life that I had to see the things which once helped me survive no longer serve a useful purpose.  In their place, I needed to find new tools that would help.

When you have been through abuse and trauma, you become the parent to yourself and so starts the journey of learning how to deal with all of this.  You become the teacher and the student at the same time.  We did not learn to deal with trauma or stress, and now it impacts every facet of our lives.

This is where support of others who have been through this comes in to help.  It is where therapists and qualified practitioners that know how to walk through the fires of trauma and abuse help our healing.  It is where the process of healing, little by little, unfolds and helps awaken us to more of who we are, that we have hidden all these years.

Learning to deal with trauma and abuse is not something that is easy.  It is a challenge on our best days, and a horror filled nightmare on our worst days.

I have found in my own life that regardless of what was done to me and what I went through, I can heal and thrive and conquer so much of what was done to me.  I will not say it is easy.  I will not say it is a quick process, but I know it is one that I'm winning.

I have learned that to heal, I must feel in my body and that the more I can safely do this, the more I comprehend.  The trauma and abuse were stored in our body, and for me to fully heal all that was done, the body is at the center of these endeavors.

Yes, I have my good days and my bad days, but my life now is much more hopeful and full of possibility than it once was.  I know that even though I never learned to deal with trauma and abuse as a kid, I'm now coming to a greater understanding of what that means for my own life.  There is hope and possibility through trauma.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Turn The Divisiveness Off

Written by Don Shetterly

It is too easy for us to engage with behaviors we think are helpful, but not be fully engaged as human beings.  We want to be conscious.  We want to be aware, but more often than not, we participate in life unconsciously.

It is epidemic these days as so many find their sustenance through every news headline, broadcast, and news shows.  They decry that which is said, but they cannot get enough of it.  They thrive on all that is reported as if their life will crumple to the ground without it.  If it is not the news, it is people that are like minded they listen to as if it is the gospel truth.

Many people say, "That's Not Me!" 

Many will say, "I Don't Do That!" 

Unfortunately, they do.

If as many people did not watch the TV news as said they did, we would see different programming.  If as many people didn't crave everything politicians said or tweeted, we wouldn't see much of this stuff show up.  If we learned to respect those we disagree with, we would be much more human and loving than we are.

The news and various people across the spectrum of our society get people cranked up.  They say and do things that will get a rise out of people and get them to respond.  Even while saying they won't, people seem not to be able to help themselves.

We worry far too much about what is in the news these days. My personal opinion is that there are little substance and value in the news reports.  Our society bases so much of our life upon this while screaming and raving about it.

If you want to bring change to the world, then turn the TV off.  There's very little value in what is purported to be news, and that is from all perspectives.  There is not anything out there worth consuming.  The more people that turn the TV off, the more things will change.

Yes, that is my view and opinion, but I do put my money where my mouth is.  We no longer get regular TV because it just had very little value to it for the money spent.  At first, I thought I could never do this, but I can tell you that I'm so happy we did.  We no longer miss it, and I believe that we've found a little more peace in a day.

The people grandstanding for all to hear in these times, thrives on someone listening to them.  If they are met with silence, it becomes like a clanging gong that no one needs to hear.  The best thing you can do to stop it is to just not listen.  Turn it off.

There is so much more to life, and we are consumed as a society by what is fed to us every day.  Let us find the joy and the peace, not the anxiety and despair.  Let us find love towards one another, not divisiveness and hatred.

The choice is up to each one of us in how we choose to live our daily lives and what we allow in.  We are at a turning point I believe, and I hope that each one of us will choose wisely each and every morning we awaken.

Our body, mind, spirit, and heart will thank us for it.

Turning Over Stones In Life

Written By Don Shetterly

Back in the early days when I found out I had Conversion Disorder, I was struggling and fighting for my life.  I was struggling not only to survive but to figure out how to function.

The paralysis started to get better, but my legs and body were weak.  My memory had gone, so remembering anything required me to write it down on a piece of paper, or it was like I was not even aware of it.  Anxiety attacks had become my best friend.  Depression and suicide were my goals.

I had no hope that anything would get better.  I wasn't sure how it would.  I was stuck in the pain and fear of a cycle that had been playing out for many years.  The only thing is I was a participant in all that was going on in my life.

When I read the limited stuff I could find about Conversion Disorder, I saw that it will probably ease and subside.  However, the chances of it showing up again were pretty high, and subsequent attacks were more the norm.  That was what the literature showed in some study that I have misplaced now.

It was pure torture every day...

In my mind, I wanted to give up and die.  The daily struggle was difficult.  I had a family turn against me.  I was fighting to re-enter life again and function in a job so I could exist.  There was nothing fun about my life at that moment.  It was pure torture every day.

I was not prepared to accept what the medical establishment would say was the outcome and prognosis of my future days.  I was not prepared to accept that I would struggle daily with anxiety attacks, depression, and suicide attempts.  I was not prepared to stay on medication forever and ever.

Yet, I had no idea how to get out of this.  I knew of no way to go from where I was at that moment to where my mind thought was possible.  I felt like giving up.  I felt like the struggle was just too much.

Something kept me going...

Something inside kept me from giving up.  Something kept me going.  Something deep inside of me kept telling me it was possible to heal and make it.

I started to look at what others were doing and looked for the moments within them that helped them.  Yes, there is plenty that people do which is not helpful, but I tried to see beyond that moment.  I tried to find the reality and authenticity of what was helping to make them better.

I started to turn over every stone in my path and find anything that helped.  I turned over many stones.  Not all of the stones were helpful to me, and sometimes it exhausted me.  Every now and then I would come across one stone that really helped me, and I would study it, learn from it and embrace it.  The stones that didn't help, I would try to push to the side of the path where others had placed similar stones.

Sometimes I needed a rest...

Sometimes I would find a resting place along my path and sit down for awhile, since I had no more energy to go on and I had no more will to fight.  It was those moments, I learned, that were necessary for me to continue.

Even through the most difficult and darkest of moments, something deep inside kept me going.  Often it was a small little pilot light that burned, but somehow I knew it was there.  I knew there was a spark within me waiting to ignite and propel me forward.

I never accepted any condition by any doctor as being the sole source of my health and well-being.  I knew there was more and I was not about to let anyone tell me that the condition I was in was the way things would be.  I fought tooth and nail most days, but I knew that I had to keep going.

I had to keep searching, for the alternative to continuing my journey was a life that was more frightening than I realized.  My evidence was Conversion Disorder, and I was not about to go back to those moments where my life almost ended.

I pass on to those who struggle to not give up where you are in the journey.  I realize the fight is hard.  I realize it is exhausting.  I realize it is easy to give up.

Don't give up!

Don't stop!

Turn over every stone you find in your path until you find one that propels you forward and then ride it for as long as you can.  Let it help you find the next stone to turn over and take you forward in your life.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Hurtful Words Of Healing And Support

 Written By Don Shetterly

Do we ever stop to think about what we say to others?  Do we realize that sometimes our words are so hurtful even though we intend them to be healing?  Obviously, these are rhetorical questions, but I am constantly amazed at how people can be so misguided when they think they are helping others.

If you've suffered from mental illness or depression and anxiety, you've probably heard the routine statements, "just get over it" and "just move on."  These statements are so hurtful to others, and they do little to offer hope and healing for their lives.

I had one person tell me after I came out of the hospital from being paralyzed by a conversion disorder that I should have just prayed about it.  I was stunned.  However, I replied to them, "if you broke your arm, would you just have prayed about it?"  Her answer was no.

Yet it doesn't stop people from engaging their vocal chords and disengaging their brain cells. I'm sorry if that sounds rough, but when people make these statements to others who are struggling, those statements are very harsh.  They are hurtful.  People are already going through enough without others piling on to the pain.

I do understand that sometimes we don't know what to say or how to say it.  I do understand that sometimes it is uncharted ground that makes us fearful of saying the wrong thing.

The best thing you can do is to connect with your heart.  I don't mean engage the brain first.  I am advocating that you engage the heart first, then attempt to speak from the vocabulary in your brain.

If you can share experiences that help others connect with you, it can be helpful.  Again, this must be done from your heart and not from your ego or brain.  If it is heart centered, you are more in tune with what they need.  It is never about what you need in this situation.  It is about what support the other person needs.  Be careful that it doesn't become about you and your experiences, but how those relate to their situation.

Many times, the issues we see in others connect to issues held deeply in our own lives.  I often acknowledge their presence, but we should not inflict our own issues upon the other person needing support.  Our issues are not their issues.  Our issues should not be forced upon them.  They need support at that moment, and if we offer it from our heart and our experiences, it will help them more than we know.

 

Let's stop being hurtful with our words in helping support someone.  There's a good chance you will likely mess up at some point, but be honest and heartfelt.  Be understanding if you are not getting your point across.  Be understanding if they don't understand what it is that you can see.

In the moment of grief and despair, our eyes and our minds are not seeing clearly.  Remember that, as you're offering words of support and healing to others.  It will go a long way to truly offering to be there for someone and not inflicting emotional pain upon them through your words.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Dealing With Phone Anxiety

 By Don Shetterly, Jeff Lemlich, Marie Davino

Telephone phobia is not a new thing – after all, it was listed in The Encyclopedia of Phobias, Fears, and Anxieties, long before the iPhone, Droid, or Galaxy Nexus ever came into our lives.   It might not be new, but in this age of text messages that demand instant responses, or robocalls that never seem to end, there are more and more people who’ve come to despise the sound of their own ringtones.

Two of our columnists have joined me for this post since all three of us have some degree of telephone anxiety.  What follows is a roundtable discussion with Marie Davino (Natural Healing Gal), Jeff Lemlich, and myself, as we try to understand and come to terms with this growing problem.


Jeff: Everywhere I go, I see people talking on their cell phones.   I know people that can chatter away for hours at a time, day after day after day.   To many (maybe most), that’s the way things are and the way things should be.   But I’m not like that.   Not even close.

I have telephone anxiety.  When someone says “call me,” I immediately try to see if I can text or email instead.   I don’t just hate talking on the phone – sometimes I fear it.  Sometimes it makes me shake, or lose what seems like half of my vocabulary.


Don: Phone anxiety is not fun for me.  There have been times I’ve been okay with it and other times when it becomes a living torment every day.  The phone was a constant source of anxiety for me just before I was paralyzed (insert blog post link).  After I got out of the hospital, hearing the phone ring would bring on an anxiety attack.  With time, I learned to get over it.


Marie:  I have had this issue with phone anxiety for as long as I can remember. I can feel it now just thinking about it. I avoid the phone most of the time. I procrastinate listening to messages to avoid making the call ... and the longer I let it go, the more shame I feel, because it seems it is something so simple.


Don: When the phone rings, it feels like a tornado siren going off that will not stop.  I find it disruptive and annoying at best.  Most of the time, there are phone spammers and scammers on the other end that I have no desire to talk to at any time of the day.


Jeff: I had no trouble talking on the phone when I was a teenager, back when everyone in the house shared a single phone line.   I don’t know if years as a TV news producer, assignment editor, and researcher (pre-internet) burned me out on reaching out and touching someone, but it sure hit me in a big way… and still does.


Don: I had a recent job that had me on the phone from early morning until late night.  I would do conference calls, and for the most part, I was okay with it.  However, I was doing so much travel that at times I think the phone became my companion.  Even with me being able to handle it, I know towards the end of the job that the phone was becoming a knife that would stab me every time it rang.


Marie: When I do make a call, most of the time I do so well, you would think that it would build my confidence and the next time would be easier. It doesn't... and it isn't. There is always the possibility of that humiliating feeling of drawing a blank. Words disappear. I can't think. I want to sleep.  I go numb and disappear somewhere inside myself. It also happens in normal conversations in person. When I "come back," I have missed half the conversation, and I inevitably say something stupid, and I get that look of "what did she just say?" The embarrassment is overwhelming.


Jeff: I can usually handle short phone calls.   I like when the conversation gets right to the point.  After about 20 or 30 minutes, I start to pace, and before too long it becomes clear that the call must come to an end.


I can’t stand one more minute.   I can’t stand one more second… and it doesn’t matter who’s on the line.   It could be the most important people in my life.   When I reach that point of no return, that’s it.   Please, please, please stop talking!


Don: For me, it is pure torment when the phone rings unless I know someone is calling that is on my approved favorites list.  When the text messages come, and I’m not busy or just relaxing, they are okay, but for the most part, I find them disruptive.

Getting awakened by the phone early in the morning, especially from phone scammers, does not yield a good reaction from me.  Some days I want to pound the phone into oblivion.


Marie: The anxiety can be so frustrating. It bleeds over to my relationship with my husband. It leads to tense moments; we have arguments over it. He does not have this issue. He loves to talk on the phone, and so it makes no sense to him. Or maybe he does have the issue, but he is able to push it aside and do it anyway. I do not know why some people can push through the troubles in their lives and some have so much more difficulty. At least, that is how it looks in my view of the world!


Don: I get this intense anxiety that comes over me and shows up as profuse sweating.  It will soak my clothes in less time than sitting in a steam room for a few minutes.  It angers me because there are people that I do love talking to on the phone, but it has made this difficult.


Marie: Most people don't understand... and I hear, so what, just get over it.  Well, if it holds me back so much, which it does, and I could just "get over it," why wouldn't I? Am I just lazy? Is it because I am sabotaging myself? I ask myself these questions often.


Don: I can feel the anxiety and anger kick up big time when all of this happens.  So far, I can’t identify why it happens or how to hold it down.  I’m still working on this part of my life.

I try to moderate some of this by shutting off the text message sound, but the phone still vibrates.  At times, I unplug the main phone, so I don’t have to hear it ring.  I wish I could say I have this under control, but lately, the phone had better be thankful I don’t keep my hammer nearby for it would meet its untimely demise.


Marie: I wonder if there is an answer. If there is, I have not found it yet... but in my business, I found someone else to make the calls now.  It has taken a huge burden off me.


Jeff: As you see, I’m not alone in this.  If someone you know is balking at giving you a call, try to understand that not everyone was born to chat.   It’s not that we don’t want to talk to you.   It’s just that, sometimes, we can’t.



Thank You you everyone for this discussion and thank you to Jeff for pulling this blog post together.  I hope that by all of us sharing what we experience it will help someone else understand the anxiety they face.  This is something I am working on in my own life.


Check Out more info on the blog post contributors

• Jeff Lemlich
• Marie Davino
• Don Shetterly

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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I Struggle To Let Go

 By Don Shetterly

One of the things I believe happens to people who have been traumatized is wanting to remain in control, long after the events are past.   It makes sense in my mind because if control is taken away from you in abuse or other traumatic incidents, then it is the thing that your mind and body attempt to reconcile.

Often we get lost in this during recovery because things just don't fit together.  We strive for a series of events that fit and many times, these events have not surfaced.  It becomes like putting a puzzle together, and the pieces don't fit until you get enough in place to see the puzzle more clearly.

What our rational brain now sees compared to what was happening during the event does not mesh together.  It is like two separate things attempting to operate at the same time, and it just doesn't work.

I struggle to let go of things.  I struggle to let go of control in life.  When this happens, I increase the anxiety and stress in my life.  Yet, even though the best thing for me to do may be letting go, I cling to it as if it is my existence.  I cling to it because it feels familiar.

Unfortunately the more we try to control everything in life, the more difficult we make it.  Sometimes controlling everything is the worst thing we can do, but when you attempt to tell that to a traumatized brain, it laughs in your face as if you know nothing.

These days, there are many ways that most of us don't let go.  You can see it online in social media where someone just has to get that last word or that insult in.  You see in political discussions that no matter what side you are on, someone is not going to let up until they convince you that their ideas are right.

When couples argue, you can see this first hand.  Neither party often wants to give up and let go, for they are right and the other is wrong.  It is so prevalent throughout relationships, and in friends and people we meet every day.

Often times it shows up as "I'm Right, You're Wrong, " but that just brings more harm, strife, stress, and anxiety to the world.  You may prove your point, but you lose all that matters to yourself, your relationships. and your humanity in this world.

It is not easy to let go.  While it may be easy to say or create happy thoughts about letting go, most humans struggle with this.  Even if you're the most enlightened of individuals, this is not easy to do.  We tend to continually hold on to things that we don't need to hold on to in our lives.

Sometimes on social media, I find myself struggling to just walk away from the insults and arguments.  I've had people mock me for being on Oprah, when if they would understand that the show was about male survivors, most likely they would not have been mocking me.

In those times I want to put them in their place, but then I would become just like them.  My mom always told me to not lower myself to their standards, but keep my head held high.  In essence, she was telling me to "just let it go."

I know it isn't easy to let things go.  I struggle with it too, but don't give up that process.  We create a lot of our stress and a lot of anxiety in our lives and the more we can learn to let go, the better off we will be.  It is a continual process of learning and awareness, not just something you write as a happy thought.

Learn from the process, and let the process of learning to let go be your guide to greater awareness and possibility for your future.  That's what I'm striving to do!

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Surviving The Funeral

This is not a topic I write much about because even with the years that have gone by, there's a lot of pain in the walls of my heart when I try to share it.

It is hard to write about because while I miss my mom, I know she was part of the mess of trauma, torture, and child sexual abuse I went through.

No, she was not an active participant and I know she was beaten as well, but she was not able to protect me.  Before she suddenly died in a car accident, I had not gotten to speak to her in many years.  There are so many things left unsaid.

When the funeral happened, it was inside the hospital chapel because my father was still recovering from the car crash.  Somehow he, the monster in the family, was the one that survived.  The one that I wish would have made it, didn't survive.  I have great amounts of anger over that to this day that I struggle with, quite honestly.

They did everything to stop me...

It was more than difficult to get to the funeral.  In fact, the family seemed to do everything they could to keep me from going to it.  No details at all.  We had to dig for what was happening and when.  I had been unemployed and just had started a new job a couple of days before the car accident.  My anxiety about being back with the monsters in my family was overwhelming.

Fortunately some friends met me there and my partner went with me.  I remember pulling up to the hospital, and it was almost too much. I wanted to flee.  I wanted to run.  I took my Xanax to help give me a little calmness for the day but even it was not enough.

I wanted to be left alone...

We waited until the last minute to walk in.  My partner scoped things out.  Then, it was time to go in to the funeral knowing I was walking in among the wolves that hated me for daring to break the silence.  The minister came up behind me and put his hand on my shoulder and back and I jumped.  I wanted none of these fake people to touch me.  I wanted to be left alone.

I went to the casket and saw my mom.  She had aged a little since the last time I saw her, which was about 11 years earlier.  I cried.  My younger brother at least came up and acknowledged me and gave me time alone with her.  I introduced her to Jeff and told her I wish she could have gotten to know him.  It was the last time I would see her.

Sitting through the long drawn out service was not easy.  I sat in front of my friends, next to Jeff.  Of course the minister started in preaching of how we should forgive one another and especially our family.  I know who put him up to that line of preaching and I know it was directed at me.

Forgiveness was screwed up...

You see, in our family, you had to forgive those that harmed you.  That was the way it worked.  You had to act as if it didn't happen.  Forgiveness was such a screwed up nightmare for me for a long time.  It didn't mean they ever had to own up to what they did or how much they hurt you.  It was "you" that had to make things right.  Nothing like treating a victim like a victim!

So as I was sitting there, my anger was growing within me.  The next thing I know I did was to flip the minister off.  I don't know if he saw me.  Maybe he did.  Maybe he didn't.  It just felt so good to tell these kinds of people where to take their holier than thou attitudes and put it.

After it was over, my friends hurriedly rushed me out the door and got me out of there.  They knew how difficult it was for me.  I know that my family was getting together at my Aunt's house, but I wasn't invited.  They were afraid I'd make a scene.  I said, screw you anyway!

I left feeling dejected...

I left there feeling dejected once again.  I left there feeling like I didn't belong in the family once again.  It would be many days and months before I would be able to stop crying.  It would be years before I would even get to the point of writing what I can write here today.

I don't know how I survived the funeral.  I miss my mom.  We had so much in common but I'm glad she doesn't have to put up with the monster anymore.  In the end, the monster was responsible for the car accident taking her life because he pulled out in front of an oncoming vehicle.  I'm not sure I can easily forgive him for that, and I honestly don't care what he or my family thinks of that.

Even this many years later, I'm reminded of losing my mom.  I'm reminded of the horrors the family faced and how it made my life a living hell every day of my existence.  At times, I still cry and mourn for her loss.

I know that not everyone had a good mom.  Some had good fathers instead.  For me, my mom meant the world to me.  I feel so lost and alone without her.  The process of grieving continues.  The process of healing continues.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Saying I Love Myself

I know this blog post may sound funny to some and if it does, well... have a chuckle about it.  Unfortunately for the naysayers, this is a concept I use and it does work for me.

Saying "I love myself" is a very healing concept.

I got the idea from watching Marlee Matlin play the role in the What The Bleep Do We Know movie.  In one scene, she was writing "I Love You" on her body.  I thought that was a very powerful scene.

I have been through rashes and other situations where very little helped to heal my body. I've struggled with depression and anxiety and suicide.  Sometimes, not very much helps or works at that moment.

One thing I do is start saying "I Love You" to myself.  If there is a body part that is affected, I start looking at it and saying, "I Love You".  If it is just about life in general, I will repeat these words, "I Love You".

Now, I know it seems silly and probably ridiculous to do this.  Yet if you read the book by Masaru Emoto, The Hidden Messages Of Water, you will see that this has great merit to it.

The voices that laugh at me...

Often when I try to tell myself or a body part that "I Love You", I hear my own background voices laughing at me.  They try to tell me just how silly this is.  They try to tell me how stupid I am to believe that love is even possible let alone what I am doing.

I've learned to not silence those voices in the background, but acknowledge them. If you push them to the back and ignore them, they only grow stronger.  If you acknowledge them and send love to them, you're winning the battle against them.

What I've seen with this concept is that I have seen rashes ease up and heal.  I've seen my depression and anxiety lift.  I've seen my own mind be changed from suicidal thoughts.

Is this a quick fix?  Not always.  Sometimes I see results quickly, but at other times I have to do this for a time before my mind and body actually begin to listen to it.

Repeat to get myself to hear it...

Often times, I have to repeat this over and over to myself before I get myself to listen to it.  It isn't easy to hear and it isn't always easy to do.  However, it is very effective.

Many years ago when I was struggling to come to terms with some of the horrible abuse memories I was dealing with, I used one of Shaina Noll's songs, How Could Anyone, to help me.  I would play this morning and night in the privacy of my home where no one could hear me, and I would sing the words.  Most of the time, I'd be crying hysterically by the time I got done.  However, after several weeks of this, I could tell it had a profound impact on me.

Whatever situation you are going through in life or whatever you have had to deal with, one of the things that we often need to do is to learn to love ourselves.  That's a rough part of healing, but saying "I Love You" in whatever form that works for you can be so healing.

It most likely may be something you will need to repeat often because when we've been hurt or tortured or abused, the last thing we believe is that we can be loved.  This is just one of the things that has helped me heal what I thought would never change.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Chronic Stress Affect on Body and Mental Health

This is a video interview that Jim Fazio did with Dr. Paul Canali of Evolutionary Healing on March 29, 2013.

We all know that stress is not good for our body, but as Dr. Canali discusses, chronic stress does affect the body and our mental health.  New healing paradigms attune our attention inward and deal with not only the mental aspects but physical sensations.

Emotions are not something that are purely in your head.  They are physical body states.  Anything that you can feel, you can re-regulate or change.

Most people are afraid of what they feel in their own body whether it is disease, illness, anxiety, depression or other things.  The immediate response is "please doctor, take it away."  Most are not necessarily interested in how it got there or how they can take it away.  They just want it gone!

Now we are realizing though that to make long term changes, one must be brought into that point to interact with what is going on within the mind and body.  Because we are so afraid of what we are feeling, we tend to numb and disconnect, rather than go in an interact with the physical body.

Listen to the entire video interview to learn more.

Is Anxiety Impacting How You Think?

(by Survive, Thrive And Conquer, Matt)

Every Sunday morning, I do a weekly reading on my Periscope channel. We interactively read through a book, and discuss how we can relate it to our lives. These are of course books to help us in everyday life, whether we are an abuse survivor or not.

I thought I might take this column here that Don has so graciously given me on his blog, and start a monthly series on a topic that millions of us struggle with. Anxiety!

Just the thought of Anxiety can make the hair on the back of your neck stand up, send shivers down your spine, and pretty much make us as uncomfortable as possible. Which is precisely what Anxiety lives for, making us uncomfortable and being stuck.

Let’s chat for a bit about Black and White thinking, or in other words, thinking in extremes.  Is anxiety impacting how you think?

Anxiety loves it when we live in these extreme thoughts. Everything is either completely one way or completely the other way. This is just the type of mindset that promotes self-shame, and keeps us from loving ourselves, and embracing all the good that we are.

Healing happens in the gray area...

There’s a concept that is important to embrace as abuse survivors, “healing happens in the scary middle”, the gray area. That’s where loving ourselves happens too. That middle or gray area where we accept ourselves, flaws and all, and stop trying to figure everything and everybody else, out.

• Stop beating ourselves up because we didn’t get that promotion.
• Stop thinking that we are doomed to a life of solitude and misery because we went through a divorce.
• Don’t beat ourselves up because somebody was rude to us, and it must be our fault. We must have done something wrong.
• If our children make a poor decision as a teenager, it doesn’t mean that we are a terrible parent.

I’m sure you can think of countless situations in life, recent or past, where you blamed yourself for something that wasn’t your fault. That extreme thinking of, “there’s no logical explanation other than I must have done something wrong”, is unbelievably toxic to our self-esteem.

Anxiety loves this, because Anxiety itself is toxic. It uses every trick in the book to make us feel like we have to be at fault, we are broken, we make all the wrong decisions, we are unlovable, etc. Then it feeds on that and just keeps growing and growing until we finally say, enough is enough.

There’s a thousand and one reasons why people are the way that they are, and every day circumstances can change how we react to a given situation. Life is fluid, it’s always changing. Think of this example:

Your coworker, who is normally easy going, talkative, friendly, and helpful suddenly snaps at you out of the blue.  You’ve never known them to act this way, but for some reason today they jumped down your throat when you came to ask them a work-related question.

Many times, our default reaction is, “well I must have done something to them”. Then we start to worry about what we did, why we did it, and how we can fix it…and we don’t even know what “it” is, but it must our fault.

Anxiety is just loving life at that moment, because we spend the rest of the day questioning ourselves and beating ourselves up for something we can’t control.

Once again, there are countless reasons why your co-worker snapped and very few, if any, have anything to do with you. Yet we are so used to blaming ourselves, that it’s just a default response.

Living in extremes, thinking we must be to blame and that we are always the reason for someone’s else’s actions is so self-defeating and just continues to give Anxiety power.

If there’s one lesson that can be very hard to learn, but so yet so important, is that we can’t control anyone else’s actions. You’ll never be at peace by trying to please someone else or fix something. Nor will you be at peace in trying to figure out someone else’s intentions.

All you end up doing is blaming yourself, shaming yourself, and living in the extreme world of you being all wrong, all the time.

That my friends, is no way to live.

I encourage you, to step back, look at a situation from a high level, rational mind point of view. Doing that gives you perspective on what is really going on, not what Anxiety tries to make you think is going on.

If you would like to join Matt on this chat, just watch for his announcement around 10:30am on Sunday mornings.  @SurvivingMyPast

-Matt (SurvivingMyPast.net)



 

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Matt is a regular columnist on Mind Body Thoughts.  He writes Survive, Thrive and Conquer monthly column.  This article is written by Matt.

To learn more about him and see all his other articles, go to Matt's Page, Survive, Thrive And Conquer.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly and Matt

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Child Abuse Survivors and Dental Fear

I didn't realize how much of an issue this was for many folks out there until I wrote about it.  Yes, if you have read my earlier posts on my issues with the dentist, then you will know how much dental fear I have as a child abuse survivor.

It is not easy for those that have been through trauma and torture to deal with dental fear.  No matter what I do, its still not easy.  I avoid the dentist like a poison that is gushing out of the sink.  I don't want to be anywhere close to it.

Most dentists don't care from what I've found if you have dental fear and anxiety.  Many will say they do, but they think after the first visit, all that will gone.  It is frustrating beyond belief.  I have had only two dentists that I really trust and unfortunately I live too many miles from them to go back now.

I'll never forget the one dentist who treated me and then a follow up visit, acted as if there was something wrong with me because I still had dental fear and anxiety.  Another one proceeded to make me feel pretty bad for not taking care of my teeth.  Another wanted me to go to a teeth cleaning and I thought I had found a hygienist that I connected with and trusted.  Unfortunately, the person had to be out for the day and instead of the dentist office letting me know, they assumed that I would go to the next hygienist they had on staff.

When you've been beaten, held down into a bed where you couldn't breathe and had sexual things shoved into your mouth and raped, you don't trust anyone.  I could get more graphic if I thought that would wake some dentists up.  My body was tortured and the last thing I want to do is allow anyone to have control over me and inflict pain upon me.  My anxiety begins the minute I have to start thinking about seeing a dentist and doesn't stop until there are no more visits.

I am glad there is a site called DentalFear.com and that someone is addressing this issue, because it is a big issue for many people.  They have some great information on their site which I've actually used (long before I found their site) and it does help.  It doesn't completely take care of the dental fear and anxiety for me, but it helps.

For me, I always have someone I trust in the room with me.  I take my headphones with a playlist on my ipod and play it.  I close my eyes and ask that they put something over my eyes to shield me from the light because the light really bothers me.  I'm very sensitive to light.

It helps if the dentist is understanding and empathetic who listens and takes their time.  Just trying to see how fast you can go is not good for me, because I need a rest and a break.  I need to be coached to remember to breathe and breathe deeper and slowly, because I often forget that.  Fear and anxiety are not friends of proper breathing.

I know my dental health isn't good and it embarrasses me, but until I find the right dentist and then have the necessary income, there's not much I can do about that.  Maybe there is a dentist out there that would work with me, but after several, I've given up hope that I will find one.

I'll gladly help any dentist understand what it is for me to go through a visit to a dentist office.  I believe there are probably some things that could be done to help those of us who struggle to do this.  We may all have to think outside the box, but there is a significant population who are suffering and have no one to turn to for proper teeth care.  The dental fear and anxiety is just too great.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

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